1. Throw it away, clyde.Copy !req
2. I'm not gonna touch it.
You throw it away.Copy !req
3. What's going on?Copy !req
4. Some high-Schoolers left a
marijuana cigarette behind.Copy !req
5. We have to throw it away before
some kids find it or something.Copy !req
6. So throw it away.Copy !req
7. Nobody wants to
touch it.Copy !req
8. What if the residue
gets on our handsCopy !req
9. And it leads to harder drugs
like those commercials say?Copy !req
10. Yeah, didn't you see that
commercial where it saysCopy !req
11. If you have pot you can
become a terrorist?Copy !req
12. And the commercial
where two kids have potCopy !req
13. And the one kid
shoots the other.Copy !req
14. Harmless?Copy !req
15. You guys, those commercials
are just exaggerations.Copy !req
16. How do you know?Copy !req
17. None of us have ever
had any drugs before.Copy !req
18. Well, I did
ecstasy once.Copy !req
19. Me and my
girlfriend took it,Copy !req
20. And we stayed up all night
having s-S-Sex.Copy !req
21. Where did you have
sex with her?Copy !req
22. In her v-V-Vagina.Copy !req
23. Thank you,
thank you.Copy !req
24. What a terrific audience.Copy !req
25. It's just a stupid plant
that makes you dumb.Copy !req
26. Touching it
won't hurt you.Copy !req
27. Then you throw it away,
smartass.Copy !req
28. Fine, I will.Copy !req
29. There- See?
I touched marijuana-Copy !req
30. I'm not a terrorist,
I didn't shoot anybodyCopy !req
31. And I don't feel like
doing more drugs now.Copy !req
32. No big deal.Copy !req
33. You kids
don't aroundCopy !req
34. With your mom!Copy !req
35. Dad, we can't!Copy !req
36. TheCopy !req
37. Stan, what'd I tell you about
watching "the osbournes"?Copy !req
38. Oh, come on, mom!Copy !req
39. It's going to make you
retarded!Copy !req
40. It's just a show!Copy !req
41. It doesn't have any
effect on meCopy !req
42. For's sake!Copy !req
43. Oh goodie, now we can
watch the news.Copy !req
44. In other news, south park
police are still looking forCopy !req
45. A crazy man who terrorized
the town one hour ago.Copy !req
46. The man claimed to be
from the futureCopy !req
47. And ran naked
through the city streets,Copy !req
48. Screaming, "the past!
The past!Copy !req
49. Oh my god,
it's the past!"Copy !req
50. Which is what one would expect
someone from the future to yell.Copy !req
51. Oh my god,
it's the past!Copy !req
52. Oh whoa, man,
it's you!Copy !req
53. Who are you?Copy !req
54. It's me, mom,
your son, stan!Copy !req
55. Who is it, sharon?Copy !req
56. Dad!Copy !req
57. Dad?Copy !req
58. Look, we don't know you
and you don't know us.Copy !req
59. Just go away before
we call the police.Copy !req
60. Who the is it,
mom and dad?Copy !req
61. No way, it's me
from the past!Copy !req
62. I'm me from the past?Copy !req
63. No, I'm you
from the future.Copy !req
64. Oh man, this is
so messed up.Copy !req
65. Okay, we've had enough.Copy !req
66. Your name's randy marsh.Copy !req
67. You're a geologist and
you don't like chicken.Copy !req
68. Mom, your maiden name
is kimbleCopy !req
69. And you have a scar
on your left kneeCopy !req
70. From when you slipped at
the swimming pool!Copy !req
71. Randy,
what's going on?Copy !req
72. I don't know.Copy !req
73. Dude, just let me talk to you
for like five minutes.Copy !req
74. After that, I'll bail.Copy !req
75. I can still remember
when I was fiveCopy !req
76. And you both found that squirrel
I'd been keeping in the closet,Copy !req
77. And you let me keep it
for another week,Copy !req
78. And then it ran away.Copy !req
79. But that's what
you told me,Copy !req
80. I knew mom had actually
let it out.Copy !req
81. How could he possibly
know all that?Copy !req
82. Unless- He is our son
from the future.Copy !req
83. But why are you back in this
time with us, son?Copy !req
84. I have no idea, man, I was
just about to go to sleepCopy !req
85. In an alley behind
the crack house.Copy !req
86. I had shot up
a little heroin,Copy !req
87. And then this electrical
storm started.Copy !req
88. The next thing I knew I was
running around in my own past, man.Copy !req
89. I thought I was
just tripping,Copy !req
90. But then I came down
and I was still here!Copy !req
91. Oh dude,
it's so bizarre!Copy !req
92. Oh dude, I should've never
touched that marijuana.Copy !req
93. Stan, whatever has happened,
we're going to help you.Copy !req
94. That's right.Copy !req
95. We're a family,
no matter what time shift.Copy !req
96. Thanks. Could I get
another beer?Copy !req
97. You must be exhausted.Copy !req
98. Why don't you
get some sleep?Copy !req
99. That'd be killer.Copy !req
100. Where can I
crash?Copy !req
101. Well, I'm sure stan wouldn't
mind sharing his room.Copy !req
102. What? I have to share
my room with my future self?Copy !req
103. Oh, no!Copy !req
104. Stop it.Copy !req
105. Quit it.Copy !req
106. Hey guys.
Hey.Copy !req
107. Whoa!
Kyle and cartman!Copy !req
108. So cool to
see you guys!Copy !req
109. Who's this asshole?Copy !req
110. This is my future self.Copy !req
111. He came during the electrical
storm last night,Copy !req
112. And is caught in
a time matrix.Copy !req
113. He's me when I'm 32.Copy !req
114. Wow,
that's pretty cool.Copy !req
115. But how does he
know our names?Copy !req
116. 'Cause, r-Tard,
he's stan from the future!Copy !req
117. He knows everything
stan knows.Copy !req
118. Ohhh.Copy !req
119. Wait- Stan becomes
this douche bag?Copy !req
120. Yeah, I spent a lot of my
teenage years on a slow,Copy !req
121. Downward spiral experimenting
with drugs and alcohol.Copy !req
122. Ha ha ahaaa!
Haa ahaaa haaa!Copy !req
123. Shut up, cartman!Copy !req
124. That is so awesome!Copy !req
125. Thank you, god!
Oh, praise god!Copy !req
126. Hey, what happens to me
in the future?Copy !req
127. Oh, I don't know.Copy !req
128. You guys stayed away from
drugs so you were okay.Copy !req
129. I just lost touch with youCopy !req
130. After I was sent to
juvie hall in 2006.Copy !req
131. Juvie hall!
Ha hahaha!Copy !req
132. Stan's a loser!
Stan's a loser!Copy !req
133. God dammit.Copy !req
134. Thanks for staying after school
and tutoring me, butters.Copy !req
135. Well, sure thing, stan.Copy !req
136. But how come you care about
schoolwork all of a sudden?Copy !req
137. I told you, I can't stand
my future self!Copy !req
138. I have to do whatever I can to
not become a loser like him.Copy !req
139. Well, studying
is the golden keyCopy !req
140. To the imposing door
of success.Copy !req
141. I just can't stand having my
future self around all the time.Copy !req
142. It's driving me crazy!Copy !req
143. Maybe if I get smarter
I won't become himCopy !req
144. And I won't have to
share my room!Copy !req
145. I know what you mean.Copy !req
146. I hate having my
future self around too!Copy !req
147. Yeah, it's like
everything I do, he-Copy !req
148. Wait a minute-
What did you say?Copy !req
149. I said I know how you feel.Copy !req
150. My life has gone
completely downhillCopy !req
151. Ever since my
future self moved in.Copy !req
152. I hate him.Copy !req
153. All he ever wants to do
is watch "becker".Copy !req
154. And that show
is so stupid.Copy !req
155. Dude, how long has your
future self been around?Copy !req
156. Oh, I guess it's been
about four months now.Copy !req
157. Four months?Copy !req
158. And you never told anybody
you were living withCopy !req
159. Yourself from the future?Copy !req
160. Nobody asked.Copy !req
161. Where is he now?Copy !req
162. Probably watching
"becker".Copy !req
163. My name is t. Becker.Copy !req
164. The "t" stands for
"terrific".Copy !req
165. Ha ha ha!Copy !req
166. See, here he is-
Future butters.Copy !req
167. Future self, this is
my good friend-Copy !req
168. Stan!
Sure I remember you!Copy !req
169. Yup, wearing that puffball
hat like always!Copy !req
170. Oh, hello, boys.Copy !req
171. Future butters, it's time to
take your liver medicine.Copy !req
172. Liver medicine?Copy !req
173. Yeah, my future self
has a bad kidneyCopy !req
174. From all the drinking
he did in high school.Copy !req
175. I need to learn
to behave myself.Copy !req
176. Hey, where are you
going, stan?Copy !req
177. Alright, where's that
son of a bitch's wallet?Copy !req
178. What are you looking for,
huh, stan?Copy !req
179. Butters, don't you think it's
a little bit of a coincidenceCopy !req
180. That both your future self
and my future selfCopy !req
181. Got caught in a
"matrix-Anx" time plane?Copy !req
182. Well, we both got the same
teacher for homeroom, too.Copy !req
183. You didn't say
anything then.Copy !req
184. Here it is.Copy !req
185. There has to be
something-Copy !req
186. Wait, what's this?
This expires in 2002.Copy !req
187. Why would he have this
in his wallet?Copy !req
188. I don't follow.Copy !req
189. 3451 colfax avenue.Copy !req
190. Come on, butters!Copy !req
191. Ooh, are we off
on an adventure?Copy !req
192. Here it is-
Motivationcorp.Copy !req
193. I don't think we're supposed
to go in there, stan.Copy !req
194. Maybe we should go
adventuring somewhere else.Copy !req
195. Butters, part of being
on an adventureCopy !req
196. Is you go places
you're not supposed to!Copy !req
197. Oh!Copy !req
198. Well, you're good at
adventurin', huh, stan?Copy !req
199. What the hell
is going on here?Copy !req
200. And it should take
about a monthCopy !req
201. To achieve the
results you want.Copy !req
202. Well, mr. And
mrs. Brooks,Copy !req
203. I think you're gonna be very
pleased with the results.Copy !req
204. We sure hope so.Copy !req
205. We just don't know how to
talk to our son about drugs.Copy !req
206. Well, now you won't
have to.Copy !req
207. Ah, here he is.Copy !req
208. This is josh cashner,Copy !req
209. He'll be playing the role
of your future son.Copy !req
210. Nice to meet you-
"Mom and dad"!Copy !req
211. My goodness, he does look
a little like kevin.Copy !req
212. Yes, and he knows all
your family historyCopy !req
213. And every detail
of your house.Copy !req
214. And, he's worked up quite
a future for your son!Copy !req
215. I'm going to tell him that
I dropped out of schoolCopy !req
216. And went to prison
for eight yearsCopy !req
217. Where I was sodomized!Copy !req
218. In the ass!Copy !req
219. Ooh-Hoo, that should get kevin
to stay clear of drugs.Copy !req
220. It sure should!Copy !req
221. Alright, so we'll put the fake
news report out on tuesday night-Copy !req
222. Make sure your son is watching
the channel four news.Copy !req
223. Oh, and that's when you fake the
electrical storm as well?Copy !req
224. Motivationcorp takes care
of everything.Copy !req
225. Just follow these simple scripts
when your actor arrives.Copy !req
226. "Listen to me,
you crazy person.Copy !req
227. There's no way you can
be from the future."Copy !req
228. Ooh! This is
going to be fun!Copy !req
229. I can't believe it,
it's all a scam!Copy !req
230. Yeah, I can't believe it!Copy !req
231. They've all been lying to us
this whole time!Copy !req
232. This whole time!Copy !req
233. I wonder if my future self
knows anything about this.Copy !req
234. Hey, maybe my future self
remembers this happeningCopy !req
235. And can shed some light
on the subject.Copy !req
236. Butters,
don't you get it?Copy !req
237. Those assholes aren't
our future selves,Copy !req
238. Our parents hired them to
make us more motivated!Copy !req
239. But then why did they
come back to the past?Copy !req
240. They didn't come back to
the past, you dumb-ass!Copy !req
241. They're actors!Copy !req
242. Oh.Copy !req
243. Ohh...Copy !req
244. But that's like
they're lying.Copy !req
245. It is lying, butters.Copy !req
246. Your parents lied to you
and my parents lied to me!Copy !req
247. Get it?Copy !req
248. Ooh, that makes me angry.Copy !req
249. Why, if professor chaos were
here he would make everyone pay!Copy !req
250. Who's that?Copy !req
251. You know,
professor chaos-Copy !req
252. Bringer of destruction
and disorder!Copy !req
253. What?Copy !req
254. Follow me
back home, stan.Copy !req
255. It's time I let you in on
a horrible secret.Copy !req
256. Wait right here, stan.Copy !req
257. I warn you, you may not like
what you're about to see.Copy !req
258. We have to teach
our parents a lesson.Copy !req
259. Show them they can't just play
with our emotions like that.Copy !req
260. Ha ha ha haaaa!Copy !req
261. Now you know my
terrible secret!Copy !req
262. You're gay?Copy !req
263. That's fine if you're gay,
butters, I don't care.Copy !req
264. Huh?Copy !req
265. No, I'm professor chaos.Copy !req
266. We have to teach our parents
a lesson, butters!Copy !req
267. We're running away!Copy !req
268. Help me find the perfect place
to run away to!Copy !req
269. Mmm... maybe I used a little
too much silver.Copy !req
270. How about this-
Winter park.Copy !req
271. It looks kinda nice.Copy !req
272. No, we gotta run away
somewhere warm.Copy !req
273. Oh, look at this, stan.Copy !req
274. "Are you sick of
your parents?Copy !req
275. "Do you want revenge for
something they've done to you?Copy !req
276. "Call the parental revenge
center of western americaCopy !req
277. "For a free consultation.Copy !req
278. Results guaranteed."Copy !req
279. Dude, I didn't know
there was such a thing!Copy !req
280. Hey look, somebody
lost their cat.Copy !req
281. Uh, hi, is this the
parental revenge centerCopy !req
282. Of western america?Copy !req
283. Uh, I'm really pissed off
at my parentsCopy !req
284. And I want to impose swift and
horrible revenge upon them?Copy !req
285. Look, you can make
your wiener biggerCopy !req
286. In just three weeks.Copy !req
287. Oh really?Copy !req
288. Okay, where are you
located, please?Copy !req
289. Great, um, can I
come by tomorrow?Copy !req
290. This lady will come and
massage your wiener for $95.Copy !req
291. Well, that's a
pretty good deal.Copy !req
292. 11:00 is great,
thank you.Copy !req
293. That was easy!Copy !req
294. I just have to
go to their officeCopy !req
295. And they'll help me figure out
how to get back at my parents.Copy !req
296. Hey, I wanna get revenge on
my douche bag parents too!Copy !req
297. Fine, then you can
come with me.Copy !req
298. Hooray!Copy !req
299. And then we can
make our wieners biggerCopy !req
300. And have a lady
massage 'em.Copy !req
301. I guess this is it.Copy !req
302. Uh, hello?Copy !req
303. We're here about revenge
on our parents?Copy !req
304. Yes, come in, please.Copy !req
305. Cartman?Copy !req
306. Oh, stan, butters, I didn't
know it was you guys.Copy !req
307. What the hell are you
doing here?Copy !req
308. I'm running a business, stan,
are you my 11:00?Copy !req
309. You're the parental revenge
center of western america?Copy !req
310. God dammit, I knew this was
too good to be true.Copy !req
311. Come on, butters,
let's go!Copy !req
312. So you don't want to
make your parents sufferCopy !req
313. And pay for
mistreating you then?Copy !req
314. Look, I don't know what
your parents did to you,Copy !req
315. But if you're here, I take it
they pissed you off pretty good.Copy !req
316. Maybe you should at least
hear what I have to offer?Copy !req
317. I'm sorry, we thought this was
a legitimate business.Copy !req
318. And it is, I assure you.Copy !req
319. I started this business
over three months ago,Copy !req
320. From the ground up.Copy !req
321. I've been helping children get
back at their parents ever since.Copy !req
322. How many parents have you
exacted revenge upon?Copy !req
323. Craig's.
And clyde's.Copy !req
324. Oh, and kyle's.
But that was a freebie.Copy !req
325. Look, I run a legitimate
business hereCopy !req
326. With state-Of-The-Art computers,
charts and technology.Copy !req
327. Look around you.Copy !req
328. I know how it feels to be really,
really pissed off at your parents.Copy !req
329. And I will work hard-
For you.Copy !req
330. Our moms and dads lied to us
about those future selves.Copy !req
331. It was just a trick to get usCopy !req
332. To not want to try
drugs or alcohol.Copy !req
333. God dammit.Copy !req
334. See, this is exactly why
I started this business.Copy !req
335. If a parent can't
respect their child,Copy !req
336. Then who can they
respect, huh?Copy !req
337. Yeah!Copy !req
338. Listen, parents understand one
thing, and that's consequences.Copy !req
339. They need to see consequences
from their actionsCopy !req
340. Or else they'll never learn.Copy !req
341. What my company does is
inflicts those consequencesCopy !req
342. Upon the parents in a very real
and very direct way.Copy !req
343. How much is this
going to cost us?Copy !req
344. $18,000.Copy !req
345. How about just
387 easy paymentsCopy !req
346. Of 199.95?Copy !req
347. How about five bucks?Copy !req
348. So everything is working out
with your future actor?Copy !req
349. Your son seems to be
responding?Copy !req
350. I think he's pretty scared
all right.Copy !req
351. It's just
a little weirdCopy !req
352. Having to keep lying
to our boy like this.Copy !req
353. Well you know what us
ultra-Liberals say.Copy !req
354. "When it comes to children
and drugs, lies are okay."Copy !req
355. The ends justify the means.Copy !req
356. Well, take smoking
for instance-Copy !req
357. The truth is
there's no hard evidenceCopy !req
358. That secondhand smoke
can kill,Copy !req
359. But we believe it's okay
to lie about itCopy !req
360. As long as it gets people
to stop smoking.Copy !req
361. Well, that makes sense.Copy !req
362. So it is with everything
here at motivationcorp.Copy !req
363. It's okay for us to lie
and tell kidsCopy !req
364. That all marijuana
supports terrorism,Copy !req
365. Or that one pill of ecstasy
is gonna kill them.Copy !req
366. It's not necessarily true,
but the ends justify the means.Copy !req
367. I think that when
this is all overCopy !req
368. Our son is
gonna thank us.Copy !req
369. Okay, butters,
let's start with you.Copy !req
370. I think I found a great way
to get revenge on your parents.Copy !req
371. Tell me if I'm going in the
right direction here.Copy !req
372. What we're gonna do, butters,Copy !req
373. Is wait for your parents
to leave the house,Copy !req
374. And then, smear all
the walls- With poop.Copy !req
375. Huh! That'll make 'em
awful sore!Copy !req
376. Now, I want you to take a look
at some of these poop swatches.Copy !req
377. Poop swatches?Copy !req
378. Poop comes in a lot of
varieties, butters,Copy !req
379. I wanna find
the perfect one,Copy !req
380. Tailored to your revenge
on your parents.Copy !req
381. Hey, that's neat-O,
huh, stan?Copy !req
382. Personally, I like
the "baby green".Copy !req
383. But I also think that
"classic brown"Copy !req
384. Would go nicely
with your house.Copy !req
385. Wow, you sure are
professional, eric.Copy !req
386. I don't know which
swatch I like best.Copy !req
387. Well, you know what
we could do, butters,Copy !req
388. Is go with baby green
in the living roomCopy !req
389. And then maybe a classic brown
or even "nut n' corn crunch"Copy !req
390. In your parents bedroom.Copy !req
391. That sounds good!Copy !req
392. Okay, let's do that then.
That'll look nice.Copy !req
393. Hooray!Copy !req
394. Alright now, stan,Copy !req
395. For you've I've put together
a really nice design.Copy !req
396. I feel your parents were a bit
more cocky about lying to you,Copy !req
397. And your revenge needs
to reflect that.Copy !req
398. So what I want to do is put
a note on your parents door,Copy !req
399. Telling them I'm the counselor
from the school.Copy !req
400. Yeah?Copy !req
401. The note will inform them that
a problem has come upCopy !req
402. And they need to meet me right
away, back at my office.Copy !req
403. Yeah?Copy !req
404. Your parents will drive
all the way out to the schoolCopy !req
405. Discovering that no meeting
is actually taking place.Copy !req
406. Yeah?Copy !req
407. And while they're gone,Copy !req
408. We're gonna smear all
their walls with poop.Copy !req
409. Wow!
Neat-O!Copy !req
410. That's not neat-O,
that sucks!Copy !req
411. You're gonna smeared butters'
parents' walls with poop?Copy !req
412. I thought each revenge was
unique and customized.Copy !req
413. Poop smearing is the hot ticket
right now, stan.Copy !req
414. Have you seen
the poop swatches?Copy !req
415. Dude, that's not
extreme enough!Copy !req
416. My parents aren't gonna
learn their lessonCopy !req
417. From having some crap
smeared on their walls!Copy !req
418. I want them to see
what they did was wrong.Copy !req
419. I want them to admit
that they lied to me!Copy !req
420. Okay, okay, fine.Copy !req
421. Just my first idea, that's why
we have these consultations.Copy !req
422. Okay, let me see here.Copy !req
423. Uh...Copy !req
424. Well, this is nice.
How about this?Copy !req
425. We'll lure your parents
out of the house-Copy !req
426. And then we'll kill them.Copy !req
427. We'll cut them up into little
pieces and feed them to a dog.Copy !req
428. Dude!Copy !req
429. Extreme enough for you?
How's wednesday?Copy !req
430. No, that's too extreme!Copy !req
431. Well, first its not extreme
enough, then it's too extreme-Copy !req
432. Where do you want it?Copy !req
433. Just forget it, cartman, you
don't know what you're doing!Copy !req
434. I am a professional,
sir!Copy !req
435. Don't worry, butters, you're
gonna be 100% satisfied.Copy !req
436. Hey future self.Copy !req
437. Yes, former self?Copy !req
438. You know that thing
that I've kept hiddenCopy !req
439. In the hole in the wall
for two yearsCopy !req
440. That I've never
told anybody about?Copy !req
441. You know, the thing that I
take out of the shoe boxCopy !req
442. Every night before
I go to sleep?Copy !req
443. Oh, uh...Copy !req
444. You must know what
I'm talking about?Copy !req
445. Sure, uh, uh...Copy !req
446. Oh man, could you all
excuse me for a second?Copy !req
447. I think I'm gonna
crap my pants.Copy !req
448. Uh, stan, don't you think
you're upsettingCopy !req
449. Your future self a little?Copy !req
450. Yeah, stan, don't be
so hard on yourself.Copy !req
451. Mom, dad-Copy !req
452. I don't think that guy
is from the future.Copy !req
453. Oh, you, you don't?Copy !req
454. No, you know
what I think?Copy !req
455. I think this is all
an elaborate hoax.Copy !req
456. And I think that whoever
is doing itCopy !req
457. Doesn't have very much
respect for me.Copy !req
458. See, the best way to try to
motivate somebodyCopy !req
459. Is by being direct with them,
to be honest with them.Copy !req
460. I think this whole future self
thing is a lie,Copy !req
461. And lies are never the right way
to get your message across.Copy !req
462. Well, you know what
I think, stan?Copy !req
463. What?Copy !req
464. I think he is
from the future!Copy !req
465. Yeah, he must be!Copy !req
466. It's like, I just feel
he's our son, you know?Copy !req
467. Right, that's
mother's intuition.Copy !req
468. You can't argue with that.Copy !req
469. No, stan, I think the only way
you're gonna get rid of himCopy !req
470. Is by staying clear
of drugs and alcohol!Copy !req
471. Right!Copy !req
472. Okay, very nice,
very nice.Copy !req
473. Oh wait-
God dammit, philippe!Copy !req
474. The classic brown poop is supposed
to go in the parents bedroom.Copy !req
475. The living room is supposed
to be all baby green poop.Copy !req
476. Que?
La caca no esta aqul?Copy !req
477. La caca de
moreno alta, si?Copy !req
478. Aqul es verde, senor,
es verde!Copy !req
479. Arriba!
Arriba!Copy !req
480. Si, si, senor!Copy !req
481. Bien, gracias.
E tu?Copy !req
482. Carlos!
Carlos, no!Copy !req
483. We want a textured effect on the
nut n' corn crunch poop!Copy !req
484. That's why we spackle
with the sponge, see?Copy !req
485. Spackle gently.
La marrdo.Copy !req
486. Gently, see?
Marrdo.Copy !req
487. Si, marrdo.Copy !req
488. Marrrdo,
spectacularrr.Copy !req
489. Si.Copy !req
490. Ugh, so hard to find
good help.Copy !req
491. Ah, butters! Like what
you're seeing so far?Copy !req
492. Boy, it sure is
stinky in here.Copy !req
493. Yeah, well,
300 gallons of poopCopy !req
494. Isn't gonna smell like
a garden, butters.Copy !req
495. But I think it's coming
together real nice.Copy !req
496. Look, eric,
I been thinking,Copy !req
497. My parents sure are gonna be
awful sore and I don't-Copy !req
498. Yes, well, I've done my job,
haven't I?Copy !req
499. Pepete!
Pepete, no!Copy !req
500. No come la taco
en la trabajar!Copy !req
501. Yes, well, it's hard to
find work in commercialsCopy !req
502. So I ended up-
Oh, stan!Copy !req
503. Oh dude,
how's it going, man?Copy !req
504. Hey, you wanna go upstairs
and play hide and go seek?Copy !req
505. Hide and go seek, huh?Copy !req
506. Yeah, stan,
why don't you go upstairsCopy !req
507. And play with yourself.Copy !req
508. I don't believe that
he's my future self.Copy !req
509. Yeah, but we can't be sure,
so we better assume he isCopy !req
510. And never try that first
marijuana cigarette, huh?Copy !req
511. No, actually, I have
a way to be sure.Copy !req
512. I'm going to
cut off my hand.Copy !req
513. If he is my future self,
then his hand will disappear.Copy !req
514. Stanley, you don't
need to do that!Copy !req
515. He is your future self!Copy !req
516. But I have to know
for sure.Copy !req
517. Don't be silly, stan,Copy !req
518. You don't wanna go through
life without one of your hands.Copy !req
519. Maybe it's the hand I smoked
that first joint with.Copy !req
520. Here I go,
I'm gonna do it.Copy !req
521. Stan!Copy !req
522. Yes?Copy !req
523. Uh, nothing,
go ahead.Copy !req
524. Randy!Copy !req
525. Aaagh!Copy !req
526. Oooooh!
Oh my god, look!Copy !req
527. Aaaagh!Copy !req
528. Why, his hand
did disappear!Copy !req
529. He is you
from the future!Copy !req
530. Oh, Jesus christ,
help me!Copy !req
531. That's weird, because I didn't
really cut off my hand-Copy !req
532. It was fake.Copy !req
533. Uh, look, it was fake
in the future too!Copy !req
534. Looks like you better really
watch out for marijuana,Copy !req
535. Huh, stan?Copy !req
536. Well, butters, I hope
you like the work.Copy !req
537. I'm sure your parents
will be plenty pissed off.Copy !req
538. And after
my parents get angryCopy !req
539. How do we get the poop
off the walls?Copy !req
540. Ooh, uh, that's
a different company.Copy !req
541. Oh, someone's here,
we better run out the back.Copy !req
542. Pepete! Carlos!Copy !req
543. Vamanos!Copy !req
544. But cartman, wait!Copy !req
545. Oh, christmas.Copy !req
546. Butters!
Oh, stan!Copy !req
547. Butters, we- Oh god,
it smells in here.Copy !req
548. Yeah, well,
300 gallons of poopCopy !req
549. Isn't gonna
smell like a garden.Copy !req
550. Butters,
we're running away.Copy !req
551. We are?Copy !req
552. Our parents are never gonna
admit what they did was wrong,Copy !req
553. And they're never
gonna change.Copy !req
554. What the hell
is this?Copy !req
555. Oh my god,
our house!Copy !req
556. Oh jeez,
I'm gonna get it now.Copy !req
557. Butters!Copy !req
558. Do you have an
explanation for this?Copy !req
559. Well, not really, sir,
I just thought-Copy !req
560. Wait a minute, chris-
Don't you see?Copy !req
561. This might be our fault.Copy !req
562. Wh- I-Copy !req
563. My god,
you're right, linda.Copy !req
564. This is what we get for
deceiving our son.Copy !req
565. Huh?Copy !req
566. Butters, listen, the whole
future self thing,Copy !req
567. Well, it was a dirty fib.Copy !req
568. We just so desperately wanted
you to never try drugsCopy !req
569. That we used
a big scare tacticCopy !req
570. Instead of
telling you the truth.Copy !req
571. We thought the ends
justified the means,Copy !req
572. But they don't.
They just don't, son!Copy !req
573. We're sorry, baby!Copy !req
574. Get the
outta here.Copy !req
575. Stan!
Stan!Copy !req
576. Oh, okay, you might
be wonderingCopy !req
577. Why butters has
a future self too.Copy !req
578. Yes, well, you see, son,Copy !req
579. The time matrix pulled in
more people from-Copy !req
580. Oh, stop it, you guys!Copy !req
581. I know all about
motivationcorp!Copy !req
582. All I've been trying to
get you guys to doCopy !req
583. Is admit that you
lied to me!Copy !req
584. Oh...Copy !req
585. Well, son, we've just been
trying to make sureCopy !req
586. You know how dangerous
drugs like pot are.Copy !req
587. I've been told a lot of
things about pot,Copy !req
588. But I've come to find out a lot
of those things aren't true!Copy !req
589. So I don't know
what to believe!Copy !req
590. Well, stan,
the truth isCopy !req
591. Marijuana probably isn't going
to make you kill people.Copy !req
592. And most likely isn't gonna
fund terrorists.Copy !req
593. But, well, son, pot makes you
feel fine with being bored.Copy !req
594. And it's when
you're boredCopy !req
595. That you should be learning
some new skillCopy !req
596. Or discovering some new science
or being creative.Copy !req
597. If you smoke pot
you may grow up to find outCopy !req
598. That you aren't good
at anything.Copy !req
599. I really, really wish you
just would've told me thatCopy !req
600. From the beginning.Copy !req
601. He's right.Copy !req
602. If we use lies
and exaggerationsCopy !req
603. To keep kids off drugs,Copy !req
604. Then they're never gonna
believe anything we tell them.Copy !req
605. Well there's only one person
I can blame-Copy !req
606. Motivationcorp!Copy !req
607. Oh, god!Copy !req
608. Who smeared crap
all over our walls?Copy !req
609. Oh Jesus, it smells, ohh!Copy !req
610. You really did
a nice job, eric.Copy !req
611. Yup, I gotta admit
you came through.Copy !req
612. Thank you.Copy !req
613. I thought the "hangover black"
went really nice in the lobby.Copy !req
614. Well, here, eric,Copy !req
615. I cooked you a huge box
of cookies as a present.Copy !req
616. Thanks!Copy !req
617. But you know, all this talk
about future selvesCopy !req
618. Has made me think maybe I should
take better care of myself.Copy !req
619. I mean, maybe I should think
about who I'm gonna become.Copy !req
620. Atta boy, eric, you made
the right choice!Copy !req
621. Who the hell are you?Copy !req
622. Ha ha!
It's me, cartman!Copy !req
623. You from the future!Copy !req
624. I came back
to tell youCopy !req
625. That this is the day
you turn it all around!Copy !req
626. You stop eating junk food,
you start studying harder,Copy !req
627. You stay away from
drugs and alcoholCopy !req
628. And you become c.E.O. Of your
own time travel company!Copy !req
629. Oh wow, really?
That's so awesome!Copy !req
630. Now I'll really work
to be successful!Copy !req
631. Right on!Copy !req
632. Go have sex with
yourself, asshole!Copy !req
633. I'm not that stupid!Copy !req
634. Just for that I gonna spend
my whole childhoodCopy !req
635. Eating what I want and
doing drugs when I want!Copy !req
636. Whatevah,
I do what I want!Copy !req
637. No, wait!Copy !req
638. Aw, god dammit!Copy !req