1. Going down to South Park
Gonna have myself a timeCopy !req
2. Friendly faces everywhere
Humble folks without temptationCopy !req
3. Going down to South Park
Gonna leave my woes behindCopy !req
4. Ample parking day or night
People spouting, "Howdy, neighbour"Copy !req
5. Heading on up to South Park
Gonna see if I can't unwindCopy !req
6. Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy
Timmy, TimmyCopy !req
7. Living a lie, Timmy!Copy !req
8. Come on down to South Park
And meet some friends of mineCopy !req
9. - Be careful with my baby!
- What have we got?Copy !req
10. Not sure.
Looks like a possible Code 56.Copy !req
11. Kenny! Shut up, Kenny!Copy !req
12. You're going to be okay, baby.Copy !req
13. Get me 50 ccs of Ketamine stat!Copy !req
14. And get something for the kid, too!Copy !req
15. - Is he going to be okay?
- Let the doctor do his work, ma'am.Copy !req
16. Doctor, did you find out
what's wrong with him?Copy !req
17. I'm afraid he's running out of time.Copy !req
18. - Why? What's wrong with him?
- It's his time. It's running out.Copy !req
19. - Well, what does he need?
- He needs to have more time.Copy !req
20. What can we do?Copy !req
21. Well, I suppose
we could try a time transplant.Copy !req
22. I'll have to call in a specialist.Copy !req
23. It's going to be okay, baby.
We're going to get you more time.Copy !req
24. Kenny! God damn you, Kenny!Copy !req
25. Hello there, children!Copy !req
26. Chef, Cartman is in the hospital.
They think he might die.Copy !req
27. Yeah, and we don't know
whether or not we should care.Copy !req
28. - Well, what's wrong with him?
- Well, nobody seems to know.Copy !req
29. But we think it's because
he drank Kenny's soul four weeks ago.Copy !req
30. Kenny's ashes were in an urn,Copy !req
31. and Cartman drank it
thinking it was chocolate milk mix.Copy !req
32. Children! Why didn't you
tell me about this sooner?Copy !req
33. Like we said, we didn't know
whether or not we should care.Copy !req
34. Well, you should!Copy !req
35. Cartman is your friend,
whether you like him or not!Copy !req
36. Now, come on.
We gotta get to that hospital!Copy !req
37. - He's looking a little better today.
- Yes, but his time is still getting weaker.Copy !req
38. It will give out soon
unless we do something.Copy !req
39. Hey, guys! How's it going?Copy !req
40. - Cartman?
- No, that's Kenny.Copy !req
41. What the hell are
you assholes doing here?Copy !req
42. That's Cartman.Copy !req
43. Oh, my God!Copy !req
44. Eric, how long have
you been channelling Kenny?Copy !req
45. - Oh, about a month.
- Let's not validate his delusions.Copy !req
46. Kenny? Kenny, do you know
what you need to get free?Copy !req
47. He's gone again.Copy !req
48. Ms. Cartman,
we need to get Eric to a mediumCopy !req
49. who can speak with people
who have crossed over.Copy !req
50. What? That's preposterous!Copy !req
51. What this child needs
is a time transplant!Copy !req
52. This hospital isn't gonna do any good!Copy !req
53. We need to take him
to see John Edward.Copy !req
54. Hey, I've seen that guy!
He has a TV showCopy !req
55. where he brings people on
and talks to their dead relatives!Copy !req
56. That's right.
We have to go see him in New York!Copy !req
57. I warn you, Ms. Cartman, your son's
time could give out at any minute.Copy !req
58. He needs to be kept here
where his time can be monitored!Copy !req
59. Oh, what should I do?
I'm playing roulette with my child's life!Copy !req
60. Oh, wait, Hairspray is showing
in New York, isn't it?Copy !req
61. - Let's go there!
- Good!Copy !req
62. You children need to come, too.Copy !req
63. Eric needs all the support
he can get right now.Copy !req
64. We're going to New York?Copy !req
65. Welcome aboard Flight 673
to New York.Copy !req
66. We're happy to show you
a feature film during the flight.Copy !req
67. In a moment,
we'll be showing a preview.Copy !req
68. - Oh, cool! We get to watch a movie!
- Awesome!Copy !req
69. Rob Schneider was an animal!Copy !req
70. Then he was a woman!Copy !req
71. And now Rob Schneider is...Copy !req
72. A stapler!Copy !req
73. And he's about to find outCopy !req
74. that being a staplerCopy !req
75. is harder than it looks!Copy !req
76. Rob Schneider is The Stapler.Copy !req
77. Rated PG-13!Copy !req
78. - Weak.
- Weak.Copy !req
79. That was Kenny laughing, not me!Copy !req
80. This must be the place.Copy !req
81. Okay, audience members, hi.
Welcome to the taping of the show.Copy !req
82. It's all general seating in there,
and just remember,Copy !req
83. Mr. Edward might not hear
from the particular dead personCopy !req
84. you want to talk to,
so just keep an open mind.Copy !req
85. Don't worry, Eric.
I'm sure he'll be able to help you.Copy !req
86. Ladies and gentlemen,Copy !req
87. John Edward.Copy !req
88. Thank you. Thank you.Copy !req
89. All right, let's get started.Copy !req
90. It's coming from over here.Copy !req
91. Does the name Mike
mean anything to anybody?Copy !req
92. I'm getting Mike...Copy !req
93. Definitely an M... Maybe Matt?Copy !req
94. Mike...Copy !req
95. Matt... Mike... Mary.Copy !req
96. Mary was my mother!Copy !req
97. Okay, okay, and she died?Copy !req
98. Yes! Yes, she did!Copy !req
99. Okay, and she's telling me
something about the money...Copy !req
100. That the money is safe?
Is that making sense?Copy !req
101. Not really.Copy !req
102. It must be from somewhere else
in the audience then.Copy !req
103. - The money?
- Over here, please.Copy !req
104. We have a dead friend.Copy !req
105. Quiet down, boys.
It doesn't work that way.Copy !req
106. Okay, I'm getting someone now
whose name is J...Copy !req
107. - It's a I... It's a M... It's a K...
- Kenny.Copy !req
108. Kenny says hi.Copy !req
109. Okay, now I'm getting that Kenny...Copy !req
110. - Died?
- We told you that.Copy !req
111. And this wasn't a good death.
It was like... It was a sad death.Copy !req
112. It was like a... It was like a death
that made people sad.Copy !req
113. Does that make sense?Copy !req
114. Yeah.Copy !req
115. Look, Mr. Edward, can you just ask
Kenny how we can get him out, please?Copy !req
116. Doesn't work that way.
Now Kenny is telling me that you wereCopy !req
117. his best friends,
and he's in a safe place.Copy !req
118. No, no, he's trapped in Cartman's body.Copy !req
119. Oh, there's somebody with him.
Who is Kyle?Copy !req
120. - I'm Kyle!
- Oh, right.Copy !req
121. And did an older woman pass?Copy !req
122. She's asking for Kyle.
Maybe a grandma?Copy !req
123. Yeah, my grandma. She's here?Copy !req
124. She says there was something she
asked you to do and you're not doing it.Copy !req
125. She wants you
to look for four white doves.Copy !req
126. Oh, my God!Copy !req
127. Oh, now she's sending me a P word.
Maybe it's a B or a H...Copy !req
128. My Harry died last year!Copy !req
129. Oh, it's coming from over here!Copy !req
130. I'm getting all kinds of voices today.Copy !req
131. Hey, wait a minute, dude!Copy !req
132. Okay, now, Harry. He's telling me...Copy !req
133. Oh, well, he's saying that
you two used to do things.Copy !req
134. And that those things involved stuff.Copy !req
135. The things did involve stuff! Yes!Copy !req
136. Oh, man! I can't believe
I got fooled by that asshole!Copy !req
137. He seemed better on TV?Copy !req
138. Yeah, they must edit
his shows down on televisionCopy !req
139. to only show him
getting mostly right answers!Copy !req
140. Grandma's watching me.
Always watching me.Copy !req
141. Dude, you don't believe that guy
talked to your grandma, do you?Copy !req
142. Eric?Copy !req
143. It must be his time!
I think it's running out!Copy !req
144. We've got no choice.Copy !req
145. The only people I know now who might
be able to help Eric are my parents.Copy !req
146. We'll have to take
the next flight to Scotland!Copy !req
147. Okay, children,
this is your flight back to Colorado.Copy !req
148. Your parents are meeting you
at the airport in Denver.Copy !req
149. We don't get to go to Scotland?Copy !req
150. It's too far,
and your parents want you back home.Copy !req
151. Oh, well. Good luck
getting Kenny out of you, fatso.Copy !req
152. - Thanks, asshole.
- Come on, we gotta catch our plane!Copy !req
153. You children
get right on that plane now!Copy !req
154. This is a final boarding announcement
for Flight 342 to Denver.Copy !req
155. - That's us. Come on.
- Four white birds!Copy !req
156. - Huh?
- There's four white birds!Copy !req
157. This is what Grandma wants!
She wants me to attend Jewleeard!Copy !req
158. Dude, you were going to
see four white birds eventually!Copy !req
159. So is it a coincidence
that Grandma did talk about meCopy !req
160. going to Jewleeard someday?Copy !req
161. Yes. Now, come on,
our plane is gonna leave.Copy !req
162. - I'm not going back.
- What!Copy !req
163. I have to join Jewleeard
and make Grandma proud!Copy !req
164. - Tell my parents I'll call them.
- Kyle! No, Kyle!Copy !req
165. Crap!Copy !req
166. Hey, I need to talk to
Mr. Edward, please.Copy !req
167. He doesn't do private readings.Copy !req
168. I'm not here for a reading. I just need
to ask him something real quick.Copy !req
169. All right, come on in.Copy !req
170. Just wait here. I'll go fetch him.Copy !req
171. Jesus Christ.Copy !req
172. Here he is!Copy !req
173. Ladies and gentlemen, John Edward.Copy !req
174. Thank you. Thank you.Copy !req
175. Hey, I need to ask you a big favour.Copy !req
176. You did a reading of my best friend
and, well, you kind of messed him up.Copy !req
177. Oh.Copy !req
178. "The John Edward show is not liable
for opinions and materialsCopy !req
179. "given for entertainment purposes only."Copy !req
180. Look, my friend, Kyle,
won't fly back home to Colorado.Copy !req
181. All I need you to do is just talk to him
and tell him, you know,Copy !req
182. the whole talking to dead people
isn't for real.Copy !req
183. - Maybe it is for real.
- Right, but it's not.Copy !req
184. It's a trick you do and I need you to
just let my friend Kyle know that,Copy !req
185. so he can go on with his life.Copy !req
186. Look, people have the right
to be sceptical.Copy !req
187. - I really hear voices in my head.
- Yes. We all hear voices in our heads.Copy !req
188. It's called intuition.Copy !req
189. Get over yourself
and tell my friend it's just for fun.Copy !req
190. Look, what I do doesn't hurt anybody.Copy !req
191. I give people closure
and help them cope with life.Copy !req
192. No, you give them false hope and
a belief in something that isn't real.Copy !req
193. - But I'm a psychic.
- No, dude, you're a douche.Copy !req
194. I'm not a douche!Copy !req
195. What if I really believe
dead people talk to me?Copy !req
196. Then you're a stupid douche.Copy !req
197. I think I've had enough
of your bullying me!Copy !req
198. Get out of my house or I'll run upstairs,Copy !req
199. lock myself in my panic room,
and call the police.Copy !req
200. I'm nine years old!Copy !req
201. I'm not talking to your friend,
and I'm not a douche!Copy !req
202. You'd better get out of my house,
'cause I'm gonna call the police!Copy !req
203. You are so a douche!Copy !req
204. I'm nominating you forCopy !req
205. Biggest Douche in the Universe award,
you douche!Copy !req
206. Son of a bitch.Copy !req
207. Kenny! Shut up, Kenny!Copy !req
208. You shut up, fat ass!Copy !req
209. Hang in there, sweetie.
We'll be there soon.Copy !req
210. Welcome aboard Scotland Air.Copy !req
211. Our trip to Edinburgh
should take about 12 hours.Copy !req
212. Twelve hours! Jesus Christ!Copy !req
213. In the meantime, we'd like to show you
a complimentary film.Copy !req
214. Oh, good.Copy !req
215. Rob Schneider is
a Wall Street executiveCopy !req
216. with everything going for him!Copy !req
217. Only problem is,Copy !req
218. he's about to becomeCopy !req
219. a carrot!Copy !req
220. I'm a carrot!Copy !req
221. It's 24 carrot comedy!Copy !req
222. Rob Schneider is A Carrot.
Rated PG-13.Copy !req
223. Oh, for the love of Christ.Copy !req
224. I wanna watch, fat boy!
No, Kenny, it's not funny!Copy !req
225. Kyle, Kyle!Copy !req
226. Don't try and stop me, Stan.
This is what my grandma wants!Copy !req
227. Look, I went and saw
that John Edward guy.Copy !req
228. He's just a big douche.Copy !req
229. He's not a douche!
He talked to my grandma!Copy !req
230. Kyle, you can't run your life based on
what some douchie psychic said.Copy !req
231. They all just use a technique called
"cold reading."Copy !req
232. They've used it for hundreds of years
to make people believe them.Copy !req
233. Hey, whoa, now,
John Edward is for real!Copy !req
234. No, he's not.Copy !req
235. Yeah, my sister told me he knew
our mother's name and when she died!Copy !req
236. John Edward? Oh, yeah, I heard
he walked up to a guy on the streetCopy !req
237. and said his dead father wanted to say
happy birthday and it was his birthday!Copy !req
238. Yeah, kid, how do you explain that?Copy !req
239. All right, look, I'll show you.
I just need a volunteer. How about you?Copy !req
240. Oh, me?Copy !req
241. Okay, I'm gonna pretend that a dead
person is talking to me about you, okay?Copy !req
242. - Okay...
- Okay, watch, Kyle.Copy !req
243. It's an older man,
someone very close to you.Copy !req
244. My father?Copy !req
245. Does this month, November,
hold a special significance?Copy !req
246. My birthday's in November!Copy !req
247. Right, because he's saying,
"Tell her happy birthday."Copy !req
248. Oh, my God!Copy !req
249. See, Kyle? I just started
with something really vague.Copy !req
250. I chose "older man" because I'm betting
that based on this woman's age,Copy !req
251. her father is most likely dead.Copy !req
252. But if her father wasn't dead,Copy !req
253. I could still say
it was some other older man.Copy !req
254. But how'd you know
her birthday was in November?Copy !req
255. I didn't. I just asked her
if November meant anything.Copy !req
256. Her father could have died in November,Copy !req
257. or Thanksgiving could have been
really special for them,Copy !req
258. but I go with the birthday,Copy !req
259. and validate it now
as if I knew by saying,Copy !req
260. - "He wishes you a happy birthday."
- What else does he say?Copy !req
261. Okay, I'll just use an old standard.Copy !req
262. He's saying, "The money.
Stop worrying about the money."Copy !req
263. Oh, my God.Copy !req
264. My sister and I have been
fighting over his inheritance!Copy !req
265. - That's amazing!
- No, it isn't.Copy !req
266. When a father dies,
inheritance is usually an issueCopy !req
267. and money is something
everyone worries about.Copy !req
268. That sounds a little too coincidental.Copy !req
269. Yes, there's only one explanation.Copy !req
270. This kid can
communicate with the dead!Copy !req
271. - Wow!
- What?Copy !req
272. Do me next! I want to talk to my mother!Copy !req
273. - Can you try to reach my grandfather?
- No, wait...Copy !req
274. You have to tell me if my sister
is in a good place, okay?Copy !req
275. - Yeah, help me out.
- I'm next, I'm next.Copy !req
276. - Hey, get out of my way!
- Do me!Copy !req
277. Kid, how would you like
your own talking-to-the-dead show?Copy !req
278. - Hi, Pop!
- Junior!Copy !req
279. Oh, son, it's good to see you, now!Copy !req
280. These are my friends, the Cartmans.Copy !req
281. Well, come in out of the cold, now!Copy !req
282. There's heavy fog on the moors tonight.Copy !req
283. Well, look what
the cat dragged in, Nelly!Copy !req
284. - Oh, my baby come home!
- Hi, Mama!Copy !req
285. Lord, I thought
you wasn't coming till 9:00!Copy !req
286. Mom, this is my friend, Ms. Cartman.Copy !req
287. - Please, call me Liane!
- So nice to have you here, Liane.Copy !req
288. And is this
the children you told us about?Copy !req
289. Yeah, Pop, this is Eric.Copy !req
290. Well, let's see here.Copy !req
291. Yep! There is definitely
more than one children in there!Copy !req
292. - Oh, dear.
- Nelly, you best have at it, now.Copy !req
293. Oh, Lord, and I just put
the roast in the oven, too.Copy !req
294. Ain't gonna have
no time now to baste it...Copy !req
295. Don't nobody blame me.Copy !req
296. Woman can't baste no roast and
do everything else at the same time.Copy !req
297. I ain't saying the roast
is gonna be terrible,Copy !req
298. maybe just a little dry...Copy !req
299. But I suppose we can make some
extra gravy to take the dryness out later.Copy !req
300. All right, children,
stand up on this chair, now.Copy !req
301. - Right now?
- Yes, right now.Copy !req
302. Whoa! Whoa! Watch it, lady!Copy !req
303. Just stay still, Eric!
Mom knows what she's doing!Copy !req
304. At a very young age, one young boy
learned he had a special gift.Copy !req
305. This is The Other Side.Copy !req
306. Okay. Listen to me.
Listen very carefully.Copy !req
307. This is a trick that I am doing.
Okay? Watch.Copy !req
308. All I'm going to do is say a name that
I'm gonna pick at random. Okay?Copy !req
309. They want me to acknowledge
Pete or Peter.Copy !req
310. Yes! Yes, my Peter!Copy !req
311. No! Stop clapping!
All I did was pick a random name andCopy !req
312. wait for somebody in the audience
to give a response.Copy !req
313. Now that I see that
there is a lone woman crying,Copy !req
314. my instinct tells me
Peter was her husband.Copy !req
315. So I say, "Peter was your husband."Copy !req
316. Yes! Yes! Yes! My husband, Peter!Copy !req
317. - Wow!
- Oh, wow!Copy !req
318. Stop it! I didn't do anything!Copy !req
319. You knew Peter was dead!Copy !req
320. I didn't start by saying Peter is dead.Copy !req
321. I started by saying,
"They want me to acknowledge Peter."Copy !req
322. That could have meant
Peter was in the audience,Copy !req
323. or that Peter was somebody's friend,
or Peter had died.Copy !req
324. I couldn't be wrong! See?Copy !req
325. Now, I can look at this woman
and see that she's fairly young,Copy !req
326. so odds are her husband
was fairly young when he died,Copy !req
327. so I can say something like,Copy !req
328. "I'm getting that
Peter's death was very untimely."Copy !req
329. Yes, it was!Copy !req
330. Amazing!Copy !req
331. Ask Peter if he knows my little Billy!Copy !req
332. Okay, let's back up.Copy !req
333. Not literally!Copy !req
334. In the name of all that is holy,
we demand this spirit be set free!Copy !req
335. There we go!
We're getting something now!Copy !req
336. - Come on out, spirit soul!
- Come on out, now! It's safe!Copy !req
337. Here it comes!Copy !req
338. The spirit is coming out now!Copy !req
339. Oh, that's the potatoes.Copy !req
340. Well, hold on the potatoes
two seconds, woman!Copy !req
341. The soul is coming out now!Copy !req
342. It's almost out! All right, son!Copy !req
343. Now bring me the victim child!Copy !req
344. The victim child?Copy !req
345. Yeah! You know!
The child that we sacrifice,Copy !req
346. so we can put Kenny's soul
into its body!Copy !req
347. Oh, Lord,
they didn't bring a victim child.Copy !req
348. Where were we gonna
find a child to sacrifice?Copy !req
349. We weren't gonna ask you
where you got it from.Copy !req
350. God damn it!Copy !req
351. The spirit's out and
it don't have nowhere to go!Copy !req
352. Oh, Thomas!
Don't let it get on the curtains.Copy !req
353. Rob Schneider...Copy !req
354. Until one day...Copy !req
355. From the creators of DerCopy !req
356. Rob Schneider is...Copy !req
357. Rated PG-13.Copy !req
358. Here, look, Kyle.Copy !req
359. I found tons of testimonials
on the InternetCopy !req
360. saying that John Edward
has the entire studioCopy !req
361. wired to hear
what people are talking aboutCopy !req
362. before the show, and he pays actors
to be plants in the audience!Copy !req
363. You're just jealous
he's a better psychic than you.Copy !req
364. Fine! I give up! You wanna stay
in New York, then go ahead!Copy !req
365. So, you think you can talk to
dead people better than me, huh?Copy !req
366. No, I don't think either one of us can.Copy !req
367. They told me your show is
getting better ratings than mine!Copy !req
368. That you're saying
I'm a fraud on your show!Copy !req
369. You better not ever
call me a liar or a fakeCopy !req
370. or a douche again,
or else I'll sue you for slander!Copy !req
371. I'm saying this to you, John Edward.
You are a liar. You are a fake.Copy !req
372. And you are the biggest douche ever.Copy !req
373. Everything I tell people is positive
and gives them hope!Copy !req
374. How does that make me a douche?Copy !req
375. Because the big questions
in life are tough.Copy !req
376. Why are we here? Where are we from?
Where are we going?Copy !req
377. But if people believe in
asshole douchie liars like you,Copy !req
378. we're never gonna find
the real answer to those questions.Copy !req
379. You aren't just lying, you're slowing
down the progress of all mankind.Copy !req
380. - You, douche.
- I'm not a douche!Copy !req
381. And I challenge you
to a psychic showdown!Copy !req
382. I'll prove to the world that
I'm psychic and you're not!Copy !req
383. Fine, douche!Copy !req
384. Well, come on, the soul is in here.
It's panicking, now!Copy !req
385. It's going to the light!
Unfortunately it's the living room light!Copy !req
386. I'll open a window.
You try to chase it out, Thomas.Copy !req
387. Go on, now! Soul, now.Copy !req
388. Here, spirit! Come out the window
and I'll give you tree fiddy!Copy !req
389. Now, don't go offering
the soul no tree fiddy, woman!Copy !req
390. I'm just trying to persuade it.Copy !req
391. Well, I know, but you could at least
start at a buck two five or something!Copy !req
392. Oh, Christmas, there it goes again!Copy !req
393. It's heading for the kitchen!
Oh, Thomas, the pot roast!Copy !req
394. - Over here!
- There it goes!Copy !req
395. Don't let it get in the roast.Copy !req
396. Oh, well...Copy !req
397. I guess the child's a pot roast now.Copy !req
398. What do we do with it now?Copy !req
399. Well, I'll wrap it up with some plastic
wrap so you can take it home with you.Copy !req
400. Should last a few months in the freezer.Copy !req
401. Hey, I feel a lot better.Copy !req
402. - Eric! You're okay!
- Oh, baby! Your time is back!Copy !req
403. This child is clean.Copy !req
404. Ladies and gentlemen,
it's psychic showdown.Copy !req
405. Here are John Edward and Stan Marsh.Copy !req
406. Thank you!Copy !req
407. All right, asshole!Copy !req
408. I know you're here to try to
throw me off, so go ahead!Copy !req
409. Give me your best shot!Copy !req
410. No. I don't want to talk to you,
I want to talk to the audience.Copy !req
411. - What? Why?
- You see, I learned something today.Copy !req
412. At first,
I thought you were all just stupid,Copy !req
413. listening to this douche's advice,Copy !req
414. but now I understand that
you're all here because you're scared.Copy !req
415. You're scared of death and he offers
you some kind of understanding.Copy !req
416. You all want to believe in it so much.
I know you do.Copy !req
417. You find comfort in the thought
that your loved ones areCopy !req
418. floating around trying to talk to you.
But think about it.Copy !req
419. Is that really what you want?Copy !req
420. To just be floating around after you die,
having to talk to this asshole?Copy !req
421. We need to recognise this stuff
for what it is, magic tricks.Copy !req
422. Because whatever is really
going on in life and in death,Copy !req
423. is much more amazing
than this douche.Copy !req
424. You're right, Stan.Copy !req
425. My grandma isn't floating around,
judging me and watching what I do.Copy !req
426. She's dead. Dead and gone forever!Copy !req
427. Yeah.Copy !req
428. But I do have a special power.
I know I do!Copy !req
429. There's nothing special
about you, dude. Get over yourself.Copy !req
430. God damn it, I'm special!Copy !req
431. What the...Copy !req
432. Greetings from the Jannex Galaxy.
We seek the great John Edward.Copy !req
433. Why, that... That's me!Copy !req
434. Sir, it is an honour to meet you.Copy !req
435. Well, thank you very much!Copy !req
436. No, it can't be.Copy !req
437. I am Quagmar, and this is
the Intergalactic BDIU Committee.Copy !req
438. Mr. Edward, it is my honour to inform
you that you have been nominated forCopy !req
439. Biggest Douche in the Universe!Copy !req
440. What?Copy !req
441. You are the first nominee
from the Milky Way galaxy!Copy !req
442. Congratulations!Copy !req
443. - Oh, dude!
- If you step into our plabpa feed,Copy !req
444. we'll give you
a first-class ride to the awards show.Copy !req
445. No, wait! I'm not a douche!Copy !req
446. I make people
feel good about themselves!Copy !req
447. I give people resolution!Copy !req
448. Now do you people believe me?Copy !req
449. I don't know. How'd Edward
know my father died in March?Copy !req
450. God damn it, that was a long flight!Copy !req
451. I thought we'd never get out of
stinky ass smelly Scotland!Copy !req
452. Oh, it's so good to have you acting
like yourself again, sweetie!Copy !req
453. Well, come on, we'd better
get Kenny back to his parents.Copy !req
454. Wait a minute. Who's got the pot roast?Copy !req
455. I thought you got it!Copy !req
456. - It's still at baggage claim!
- Damn it!Copy !req
457. Come on! We gotta find him!Copy !req
458. Kenny!Copy !req
459. Rob Schneider is
a somewhat popular comedic actor,Copy !req
460. who seemed to have it all.Copy !req
461. Until one dayCopy !req
462. he came across a pot roast.Copy !req
463. And his life changed forever!Copy !req
464. Now, he's sharing his body
with an 8-year-old boy!Copy !req
465. And he's about to find outCopy !req
466. that being eightCopy !req
467. ain't so great.Copy !req
468. Rated PG-13.Copy !req
469. Live from the space station Xion
in the Vuntlin Galaxy, it's the...Copy !req
470. This year's nominees are...Copy !req
471. Quaglar the Destructor,
Andromeda Galaxy, Planet J-11.Copy !req
472. Damanta Unit 5,
J- Lax Galaxy, Planet Neeu.Copy !req
473. John Edward,
Milky Way Galaxy, Planet Earth.Copy !req
474. I'm not a douche!Copy !req
475. And finally, Ursula, the giant doucheCopy !req
476. from the Horsehead Nebula,
Station J-12.Copy !req
477. And the winner for
Biggest Douche in the Universe is...Copy !req
478. It's John Edward,
Milky Way galaxy, Planet Earth!Copy !req
479. Now, come on now!Copy !req
480. Here he isCopy !req
481. The Biggest Douche of the UniverseCopy !req
482. In all the galaxies
There's no bigger douche than youCopy !req
483. You've reached the top
The pinnacle of DouchedomCopy !req
484. Good going, douche
Your dreams have come trueCopy !req