1. Be careful
with my baby!Copy !req
2. What have we got?Copy !req
3. Not sure- Looks like
a possible code 56!Copy !req
4. Kenny...
shut up, kenny!Copy !req
5. You're going to
be okay, baby...Copy !req
6. Get me 50 ccs
of ketamine stat!Copy !req
7. And get something
for the kid too!Copy !req
8. Is he going to
be okay?Copy !req
9. Let the doctor
do his work, ma'am.Copy !req
10. Doctor!Copy !req
11. Did you find out
what's wrong with him?Copy !req
12. I'm afraid he's...Copy !req
13. Running out
of time.Copy !req
14. Why, what's
wrong with him?Copy !req
15. It's his time,
it's running out.Copy !req
16. Well, what
does he need?Copy !req
17. He needs to have
more time.Copy !req
18. What can we do?Copy !req
19. Well, I suppose we could
try a time transplant...Copy !req
20. I'll have to call in
a specialist.Copy !req
21. It's going to be
okay, baby.Copy !req
22. We're going to
get you more time.Copy !req
23. Kenny!
Goddamn you kenny!Copy !req
24. Hello there, children!Copy !req
25. Chef, cartman is
in the hospital.Copy !req
26. They think
he might die.Copy !req
27. Yeah, and we don't know
whether or not we should care.Copy !req
28. Well, what's
wrong with him?Copy !req
29. Well, nobody
seems to know.Copy !req
30. But we think it's because
he drank kenny's soulCopy !req
31. Four weeks ago.Copy !req
32. Kenny's ashes
were in an urnCopy !req
33. And cartman drank it thinking
it was chocolate milk mix.Copy !req
34. Children!Copy !req
35. Why didn't you tell me
about this sooner?Copy !req
36. Like we said, we didn't know
whether or not we should care.Copy !req
37. Well you should!Copy !req
38. Cartman is your friend
whether you like him or not!Copy !req
39. Now come on, we gotta
get to that hospital!Copy !req
40. He's looking
a little better today.Copy !req
41. Yes, but his time
is still getting weaker.Copy !req
42. It will give out soon
unless we do something.Copy !req
43. Hey guys!
How's it going?Copy !req
44. Cartman?Copy !req
45. No, that's kenny.Copy !req
46. What the hell are
you assholes doing here?Copy !req
47. That's cartman.Copy !req
48. Oh my god, ericCopy !req
49. How long have you been
channeling kenny?Copy !req
50. Oh, about a month.Copy !req
51. Let's not validate
his delusions.Copy !req
52. Kenny?Copy !req
53. Kenny do you know
what you need to get free?Copy !req
54. He's gone again.Copy !req
55. Ms. Cartman, we need to
get eric to a mediumCopy !req
56. Who can speak with people
who have crossed over.Copy !req
57. What!
That's preposterous!Copy !req
58. What this child needs
is a time transplant!Copy !req
59. This hospital isn't
gonna do him any good!Copy !req
60. We need to take him
to see john edward.Copy !req
61. Hey, I've
seen that guy!Copy !req
62. He has a tv show where
he brings people onCopy !req
63. And talks to
their dead relatives!Copy !req
64. That's right.Copy !req
65. We have to go see him
in new york!Copy !req
66. I warn you, ms. Cartman,Copy !req
67. Your son's time could
give out at any minute.Copy !req
68. He needs to be kept here where
his time can be monitored!Copy !req
69. Oh what should I do!Copy !req
70. I'm playing roulette
with my child's life!Copy !req
71. Ooh, wait, "hairspray" is
showing in new york isn't it?Copy !req
72. Let's go there!Copy !req
73. Good! You children
need to come to.Copy !req
74. Eric needs all the support
he can get right now.Copy !req
75. We're going
to new york?Copy !req
76. Welcome aboard
flight 673 to new york.Copy !req
77. We are happy to show you a
feature film during the flight.Copy !req
78. In a moment, we will
be showing a preview.Copy !req
79. Oh cool, we get
to watch a movie?Copy !req
80. Awesome!Copy !req
81. Rob schneider
was an animal!Copy !req
82. Then he was a woman!Copy !req
83. And now
rob schneider is...Copy !req
84. A stapler!Copy !req
85. And he's about to
find outCopy !req
86. That being a stapler...Copy !req
87. Is harder than it looks!Copy !req
88. Rob schneider is
"the stapler" rated pg-13!Copy !req
89. Weak. Weak.Copy !req
90. Heh-Heh!Copy !req
91. That was kenny
laughing, not me!Copy !req
92. This must be
the place.Copy !req
93. Okay, audience members, hi.Copy !req
94. Welcome to the
taping of the show.Copy !req
95. It's all general
seating in there,Copy !req
96. And just remember, mr. Edward
might not hear fromCopy !req
97. The particular dead person
you want to talk to.Copy !req
98. So just keep
an open mind.Copy !req
99. Don't worry, eric, I'm sure
he'll be able to help you!Copy !req
100. Ladies and gentlemen,
john edward.Copy !req
101. Thank you... thank you...Copy !req
102. Alright,
let's get started.Copy !req
103. It's coming from over here...Copy !req
104. Does the name mike
mean anything to anybody?Copy !req
105. I'm getting mike-
Definitely an m...Copy !req
106. Maybe matt.Copy !req
107. Mike- Matt- Mary.Copy !req
108. Mary was
my mother!Copy !req
109. Okay, okay,
and she died?Copy !req
110. Yes, yes she did!Copy !req
111. Okay and she's telling me
something about the money?Copy !req
112. "The money is safe"
is that making sense?Copy !req
113. Hmmm, not really.Copy !req
114. It must be from somewhere else
in the audience then.Copy !req
115. The money-Copy !req
116. Uh, over here, please.Copy !req
117. We have
a dead friend.Copy !req
118. Quiet down, boys, it doesn't
work that way...Copy !req
119. Uh... uh, okay I'm getting
someone now who's name isCopy !req
120. J... t... l... m... k...Copy !req
121. Kenny!Copy !req
122. Kenny says hi.Copy !req
123. Woaaaaa!Copy !req
124. Okay, now I'm getting
that kenny died?Copy !req
125. We told you that.Copy !req
126. And it wasn't
a good death.Copy !req
127. It was,
it was a sad death.Copy !req
128. It was like, a death
that made people sadCopy !req
129. Does that make sense?Copy !req
130. Yyyyeah.Copy !req
131. Oooh!Copy !req
132. Look, mr. Edward,
can you just ask kennyCopy !req
133. How we can
get him out please?Copy !req
134. Doesn't work that way-Copy !req
135. Now kenny is telling me
that you were his best friendsCopy !req
136. And he's in
a safe place.Copy !req
137. No, no, he's trapped
in cartman's body.Copy !req
138. Oh, there's
somebody with him.Copy !req
139. Who is kyle?Copy !req
140. I'm kyle!Copy !req
141. Oh right... and did
an older woman pass.Copy !req
142. She's asking for kyle,
maybe a grandma.Copy !req
143. Yeah, my grandma-
She's here?Copy !req
144. She says there's something
she asked you to doCopy !req
145. And you're not doing it.Copy !req
146. She wants you to
look for four white doves.Copy !req
147. Oh my god!Copy !req
148. Now she's sending me
a "p" wordCopy !req
149. Maybe it's a
"b" or a "h"...Copy !req
150. My harry
died last year!Copy !req
151. Oh it's coming
from over here!Copy !req
152. I'm getting all kinds
of voices today, wooo!Copy !req
153. Hey, wait
a minute, dude!Copy !req
154. Okay, now harry,
he's telling me-Copy !req
155. Ooh well, he's saying that
you two used to do things?Copy !req
156. And that those
things involved, stuff?Copy !req
157. The things
did involve stuff!Copy !req
158. Wow-Aoao-Oao!Copy !req
159. Aw man!Copy !req
160. I can't believe I got
fooled by that asshole!Copy !req
161. He seemed
better on tv?Copy !req
162. Yeah, they must edit
the shows down on televisionCopy !req
163. To only show him getting
mostly right answers!Copy !req
164. Grandma is watching me...
always watching me...Copy !req
165. Dude, you don't believe that guy
talked to your grandma, do you?Copy !req
166. Aagahgh!
Agahgahgagh!Copy !req
167. Eric?Copy !req
168. It must be
his time!Copy !req
169. I think it's
running out!Copy !req
170. We've got
no choice.Copy !req
171. The only people I know
who might be able to help ericCopy !req
172. Are my parents.Copy !req
173. We'll have to take the
next flight to scotland!Copy !req
174. Okay, children, this is your
flight back to colorado.Copy !req
175. Your parents are meeting you
at the airport in denver.Copy !req
176. We don't get
to go to scotland?Copy !req
177. It's too far, and your
parents want you back home.Copy !req
178. Oh well, good luck getting
kenny out of you, fatso.Copy !req
179. Thanks, asshole.Copy !req
180. Come on, we gotta
catch our plane!Copy !req
181. You children get right on
that plane now!Copy !req
182. This is a final boarding
announcementCopy !req
183. For flight 342 to denver.Copy !req
184. That's us, come on.Copy !req
185. Four white birds!Copy !req
186. Huh?Copy !req
187. There's four
white birds!Copy !req
188. This is what
grandma wants!Copy !req
189. She wants me
to attend jewleeard!Copy !req
190. Dude, you were going to see
four white birds eventually!Copy !req
191. So is it coincidence that
grandma did talk to meCopy !req
192. About me going to
jewleeard someday?Copy !req
193. Yes, now come on,
our plane's gonna leave.Copy !req
194. I'm not going back.Copy !req
195. What?Copy !req
196. I have to join jewleeard
and make grandma proud!Copy !req
197. Tell my parents
I'll call them.Copy !req
198. Kyle!
No, kyle!Copy !req
199. Aw crap!Copy !req
200. Hey, uh, I need to
talk to mr. Edward, please.Copy !req
201. He doesn't do
private readings.Copy !req
202. I'm not here
for a readingCopy !req
203. I just need to ask him
something real quick.Copy !req
204. Alright,
come on in.Copy !req
205. Just wait right here,
I'll go fetch him.Copy !req
206. Jesus christ...Copy !req
207. Here he is!Copy !req
208. Ladies and gentlemen,
john edward.Copy !req
209. Thank you, thank you.Copy !req
210. Hey, I need to ask you
a big favor.Copy !req
211. You did a reading
of my best friendCopy !req
212. And uh, well you kinda
messed him up.Copy !req
213. Ohhh...Copy !req
214. "The john edward show
is not liable forCopy !req
215. Opinions and materials given for
entertainment purposes only."Copy !req
216. Look, my friend kyle won't
fly back home to colorado.Copy !req
217. All I need you to do is
just talk to him and tell himCopy !req
218. Y'know, that the whole talking
to dead people isn't for real.Copy !req
219. Maybe it is
for real.Copy !req
220. Right,
but it's not.Copy !req
221. It's a trick you do
and I need youCopy !req
222. To just let my friend
kyle know thatCopy !req
223. So he can go on
with his life.Copy !req
224. Look, people have the right
to be skeptical.Copy !req
225. I really hear
voices in my head.Copy !req
226. Yes, we all hear
voices in our heads.Copy !req
227. It's called intuition.Copy !req
228. Get over yourself and tell my
friend it's just for fun.Copy !req
229. Look, what I do
doesn't hurt anybody.Copy !req
230. I give people closure and
help them cope with life.Copy !req
231. No, you give them
false hopeCopy !req
232. And a belief in something
that isn't real.Copy !req
233. But I'm a psychic.Copy !req
234. No dude,
you're a douche.Copy !req
235. I'm not a douche!Copy !req
236. What if I really believe
dead people talk to me?Copy !req
237. Then you're
a stupid douche.Copy !req
238. I think I've had enough
of your bullying me!Copy !req
239. Get out of my house
or I'll run upstairsCopy !req
240. Lock myself in my panic room
and call the police.Copy !req
241. I'm nine years old!Copy !req
242. I'm not talking to your friend
and I'm not a douche!Copy !req
243. Get outta my house
or I'm calling the police!Copy !req
244. You are so a douche!Copy !req
245. I'm nominating you for biggest
douche in the universe award,Copy !req
246. Ya douche!Copy !req
247. Son of a bitch!Copy !req
248. Kenny!
Shut up, kenny!Copy !req
249. You shut up, fat ass!Copy !req
250. Hang in there, sweetie,
we'll be there soon.Copy !req
251. Welcome aboard scotland air.Copy !req
252. Our trip to edinburgh should
take about twelve hours.Copy !req
253. Twelve hours?Copy !req
254. Jesus christ!Copy !req
255. In the meantime, we'd like to
show you a complimentary film.Copy !req
256. Oh good.Copy !req
257. Rob schneider is a
wall street executive.Copy !req
258. With everything
going for him!Copy !req
259. Only problem isCopy !req
260. He's about to become...Copy !req
261. A carrot!Copy !req
262. I'm a carrot!Copy !req
263. It's twenty four
carrot comedy!Copy !req
264. Rob schneider is...Copy !req
265. "A carrot"
rated pg-13.Copy !req
266. Oh for the
love of christ.Copy !req
267. I wanna watch,
fat boy!Copy !req
268. No, kenny,
it's not funny!Copy !req
269. Kyle- Kyle!Copy !req
270. Don't try
and stop me, stan,Copy !req
271. This is what
my grandma wants!Copy !req
272. Look, I went and saw
that john edward guy.Copy !req
273. He's just a big douche.Copy !req
274. He's not a douche!Copy !req
275. He talked
to my grandma!Copy !req
276. Kyle, you can't
run your life based onCopy !req
277. What some douchie
psychic said.Copy !req
278. They all just use a technique
called "cold reading".Copy !req
279. They've used it for
hundreds of yearsCopy !req
280. To make people
believe them.Copy !req
281. Hey, woa now,
john edward is for real!Copy !req
282. No, he's not.Copy !req
283. Yeah, my sister
told meCopy !req
284. He knew our mother's name
and when she died!Copy !req
285. John edward?Copy !req
286. Oh yeah, I heard he walked up
to a guy on the streetCopy !req
287. And said his dead father
wanted to say happy birthdayCopy !req
288. And it was his birthday!Copy !req
289. Yeah, kid, how do
you explain that?Copy !req
290. Alright, look
I'll show you.Copy !req
291. I just need a volunteer,
how about you?Copy !req
292. Ohhh, me!Copy !req
293. Okay, I'm going to
pretend that a dead personCopy !req
294. Is talking to me
about you, okay?Copy !req
295. Okay...Copy !req
296. Okay, watch, kyle.Copy !req
297. It's an older man-
Someone very close to you.Copy !req
298. My father?Copy !req
299. Does this month, november,
hold a special significance?Copy !req
300. My birthday
is in november!Copy !req
301. Right, because he's saying
"tell her happy birthday".Copy !req
302. Oh my god!Copy !req
303. See kyle, I just started with
something really vague.Copy !req
304. I chose "older man"
because I'm bettingCopy !req
305. That based on this woman's age
her father is most likely dead.Copy !req
306. But if her
father wasn't deadCopy !req
307. I could still say it was
some other older man.Copy !req
308. But how'd you know her
birthday was in november?Copy !req
309. I didn't, I asked her if
november meant anything.Copy !req
310. Her father could have
died in novemberCopy !req
311. Or thanksgiving could've
been really special for themCopy !req
312. But I go with the birthday
and validate now as if I knewCopy !req
313. By saying, "he wishes you
a happy birthday".Copy !req
314. What else does he say?Copy !req
315. Okay, I'll just use
an old standard...Copy !req
316. He's saying, "the money-
Stop worrying about the money".Copy !req
317. Oh my god...Copy !req
318. My sister and I have been
fighting over his inheritance!Copy !req
319. That's amazing!Copy !req
320. No, it isn't.Copy !req
321. When a father dies
inheritance is usually an issue.Copy !req
322. And money is something
everyone worries about.Copy !req
323. That sounds a little
too coincidental.Copy !req
324. Yes, there's only
one explanation.Copy !req
325. This kid can communicate
with the dead!Copy !req
326. Wow! Wow!
Woaaa!Copy !req
327. Do me next, I want to
talk to my mother!Copy !req
328. Can you try to reach
my grandfather?Copy !req
329. You have to tell meCopy !req
330. If my sister is
in a good place!Copy !req
331. Me next!
I'll pay you!Copy !req
332. Kid, how would you
like your ownCopy !req
333. "Talking to the dead" show?Copy !req
334. Hi, pop!Copy !req
335. Junior! Aw son, it's
good to see you, na!Copy !req
336. These are my friends,
the cartmans.Copy !req
337. Well come in
out of the cold, na!Copy !req
338. There's heavy fog on
the moors tonight.Copy !req
339. Look what the
cat dragged in, nelle!Copy !req
340. Oh my baby,
come home!Copy !req
341. Hi, momma!Copy !req
342. Lord, I thought you
wasn't coming til 9:00!Copy !req
343. Mom, this is
my friend ms. Cartman.Copy !req
344. Please,
call me liane!Copy !req
345. So nice to
have you here, liane.Copy !req
346. And is this the children
you told us about?Copy !req
347. Yeah, pop,
this is eric.Copy !req
348. Let's see hya...Copy !req
349. Mm-Hmm...Copy !req
350. Yup, there is definitely more
than one children in there!Copy !req
351. Oh dear.Copy !req
352. Nelle, you best
have at it, na.Copy !req
353. Oh lord, and I just put the
roast in the oven, too.Copy !req
354. Ain't gonna have no time
now to baste it...Copy !req
355. Don't nobody blame me.Copy !req
356. Woman can't baste the roast and do
everything else at the same time.Copy !req
357. I ain't saying the roast is
going to be terrible,Copy !req
358. Maybe just a little dryCopy !req
359. But I suppose we can make
some extra gravyCopy !req
360. To take the dryness
out later.Copy !req
361. Alright, children,
stand up on this chair, na.Copy !req
362. Right na?Copy !req
363. Yes, right na.Copy !req
364. Watch it, lady!Copy !req
365. Just stay still, eric,
mom knows what she's doing!Copy !req
366. At a very young ageCopy !req
367. One young boy learned
he had a special giftCopy !req
368. This is
"the other side"Copy !req
369. Okay...
listen to me.Copy !req
370. Listen very carefully.Copy !req
371. This-Is-A-Trick
that I am doing, okay?Copy !req
372. Watch- All I'm gonna do
is say a nameCopy !req
373. That I'm gonna
pick at random, okay?Copy !req
374. "They want me to acknowledge
pete or peter... "Copy !req
375. Yes!
Yes my peter!Copy !req
376. Ooohh!Copy !req
377. No, stop clapping!Copy !req
378. All I did was
pick a random nameCopy !req
379. And wait for somebody in the
audience to give a response.Copy !req
380. Now that I see that there
is a lone woman, cryingCopy !req
381. My instinct tells me
peter was her husband.Copy !req
382. So I say,
"peter was your husband?"Copy !req
383. Yes! Yes,
my husband, peter!Copy !req
384. Ohhh! Wow!
Ooh!Copy !req
385. Stop it!
I didn't do anything!Copy !req
386. You knew
peter was dead!Copy !req
387. I didn't start
by saying "peter is dead"Copy !req
388. I started by saying,Copy !req
389. "They want me to
acknowledge peter".Copy !req
390. That could have meant
peter was in the audienceCopy !req
391. Or that peter was somebody's
friend or that peter had died.Copy !req
392. I couldn't
be wrong, see?Copy !req
393. Now, I can look at this woman
and see that she's fairly youngCopy !req
394. So odds are, her husband was
fairly young when he died.Copy !req
395. So I can say something like,Copy !req
396. "I'm getting that peter's
death was very untimely."Copy !req
397. Yes, it was!Copy !req
398. Ohhh! Wow!
Ooh!Copy !req
399. Amazing!Copy !req
400. Ask peter if he knows
my little billy!Copy !req
401. Okay...
let's back up.Copy !req
402. Not literally!Copy !req
403. In the name of
all that is holyCopy !req
404. We demand this spirit
be set free!Copy !req
405. Agh... agh...Copy !req
406. There we go!Copy !req
407. We're gettin'
something, na!Copy !req
408. Come out, spirit soul!Copy !req
409. Come on out, na!
It's safe!Copy !req
410. Ughhhhhh!Copy !req
411. Here it comes!Copy !req
412. The spirit is
coming out, na!Copy !req
413. Ooh, that's
the potatoes.Copy !req
414. Well, hold on the potatoes
two seconds woman!Copy !req
415. The soul's
coming out, na!Copy !req
416. Yaghagh!Copy !req
417. Aaghaghag!Copy !req
418. It's almost out!Copy !req
419. Alright, son, now
bring me the victim child!Copy !req
420. The victim child?Copy !req
421. Yeah, you know!Copy !req
422. The child that we sacrifice,Copy !req
423. So we could put kenny's soul
into its body!Copy !req
424. Oh lord they didn't
bring a victim child.Copy !req
425. Where were we going to find
a child to sacrifice?Copy !req
426. We weren't going to ask you
where you got it from.Copy !req
427. Blabblefalg!Copy !req
428. Aw, damage!Copy !req
429. The spirit's out and
it don't have nowhere to go!Copy !req
430. Ooh thomas, don't let it
get on the curtains.Copy !req
431. Rob schneider derp da derp-Copy !req
432. Derp dee derp
de derpy derp!Copy !req
433. Until one dayCopy !req
434. Derp da derp
da derp derp!Copy !req
435. Derp dee derp-
Da teetley tum!Copy !req
436. Rob schneider isCopy !req
437. Da derp dee derp da teetley
derpee derpee dumbCopy !req
438. Rated pg-13!Copy !req
439. Here, look, kyle.Copy !req
440. I found tons of testimonials
on the internetCopy !req
441. Stating that john edward
has the entire studio wiredCopy !req
442. To hear what people are
talking about before the showCopy !req
443. And he pays actors to be
plants in the audience!Copy !req
444. You're just jealous he's a
better psychic than you.Copy !req
445. Fine, I give up!Copy !req
446. You wanna stay in new york,
then go ahead!Copy !req
447. So, you think you can talk to
dead people better than me?Copy !req
448. No, I don't think
either one of us can.Copy !req
449. They told me your show is
getting better ratings than mine!Copy !req
450. That you're saying
I'm a fraud on your show!Copy !req
451. You better not
ever call me a liarCopy !req
452. Or a fake or a douche again or
else I'll sue you for slander!Copy !req
453. I am saying this
to you, john edward.Copy !req
454. You are a liar,
you are a fakeCopy !req
455. And you are the
biggest douche ever.Copy !req
456. Everything I tell people is
positive and gives them hope!Copy !req
457. How does that
make me a douche?Copy !req
458. Because the big questions
in life are tough.Copy !req
459. "Why are we here?"Where are
from?"Where are we going?"Copy !req
460. But if people believe in
asshole douchie liars like youCopy !req
461. We're never going to find the
real answers to those questions.Copy !req
462. You aren't just lying,Copy !req
463. You're slowing down
the progress of all mankind.Copy !req
464. You douche.Copy !req
465. I'm not a douche!Copy !req
466. And I challenge you
to a psychic showdown!Copy !req
467. I'll prove to the world that
I'm psychic and you're not!Copy !req
468. Fine, douche!Copy !req
469. I'm not
a douche!Copy !req
470. Well come on,
the soul is in here,Copy !req
471. It's panicking, na!Copy !req
472. It's going
to the light!Copy !req
473. Unfortunately it's
the living room light!Copy !req
474. I'll open a window, you
try to chase it out, thomas.Copy !req
475. Go on, na, soul, na!Copy !req
476. Here spirit,
come out the windowCopy !req
477. And I'll give you
tree-Fiddy!Copy !req
478. Now don't go offering the soul
no tree-Fiddy, woman!Copy !req
479. I just trying
to persuade it.Copy !req
480. Well, I know but
you could at leastCopy !req
481. Start at a buck o' five
or something!Copy !req
482. Oh christmas,
there it go again!Copy !req
483. It's headin'
for the kitchen!Copy !req
484. Oh thomas,
the pot roast!Copy !req
485. Don't let it
get in the roast!Copy !req
486. Oh well...Copy !req
487. I guess the child's
a pot roast now.Copy !req
488. What do we do
with it now?Copy !req
489. I'll wrap it up
with plastic wrapCopy !req
490. So you can take it
home with you.Copy !req
491. Should last a few months
in the freezer...Copy !req
492. Hey, I feel
a lot better.Copy !req
493. Eric, you're okay!Copy !req
494. Oh baby,
your time is back!Copy !req
495. This child...
is clean.Copy !req
496. Ladies and gentlemen
it's "psychic showdown".Copy !req
497. Here are john edward
and stan marsh.Copy !req
498. Thank you!Copy !req
499. Alright, asshole, I know you're
here to try and throw me offCopy !req
500. So go ahead
give me your best shot!Copy !req
501. No, I don't want to
talk to you,Copy !req
502. I want to talk
to the audience.Copy !req
503. What- Why?Copy !req
504. You see, I learned
something today.Copy !req
505. At first I thought
you were all just stupidCopy !req
506. Listening to this
douche's advice.Copy !req
507. But now I understand
that you're all hereCopy !req
508. Because you're scared.Copy !req
509. You're scared of death and he
offers you understanding.Copy !req
510. You all want to believe in it
so much, I know you do.Copy !req
511. You find comfort in the thought
that your loved onesCopy !req
512. Are floating around trying
to talk to you.Copy !req
513. But think about it...Copy !req
514. Is that really
what you want?Copy !req
515. To just be floating around
after you dieCopy !req
516. Having to talk
to this asshole?Copy !req
517. We need to recognize this stuff
for what it is- Magic tricks.Copy !req
518. Because whatever is really
going on in life and in deathCopy !req
519. Is much more amazing
than this douche.Copy !req
520. You're right, stan.Copy !req
521. My grandma isn't
floating aroundCopy !req
522. Judging me and
watching what I do.Copy !req
523. She's dead.Copy !req
524. Dead and gone forever!Copy !req
525. Yeah!Copy !req
526. But I do have a special power
I know I do!Copy !req
527. There's nothing special
about you, dude.Copy !req
528. Get over yourself.Copy !req
529. Goddammit,
I'm special!Copy !req
530. What the-Copy !req
531. Agh!Copy !req
532. Greetings from
the janax galaxy.Copy !req
533. We seek the great
john edward!Copy !req
534. Why that's...
that's me!Copy !req
535. Sir, it is an honor
to meet you.Copy !req
536. Well, thank you
very much!Copy !req
537. No, it can't be.Copy !req
538. I am quagmar and this is the
intergalactic bdiu committee.Copy !req
539. Mr. Edward, it is my honor
to inform youCopy !req
540. That you have been nominated for
biggest douche in the universe!Copy !req
541. What?Copy !req
542. You are the first nominee
from the milky way galaxy!Copy !req
543. Congratulations!Copy !req
544. Oh dude!Copy !req
545. If you'll step into
our blavlefreedCopy !req
546. We'll give you a first-Class
ride to the awards show!Copy !req
547. No, wait,
I'm not a douche!Copy !req
548. I make people feel
good about themselves!Copy !req
549. I give people resolution!Copy !req
550. Now do you people
believe me?Copy !req
551. I don't know...Copy !req
552. How'd edward know
my father died in march?Copy !req
553. Goddammit that was
a long flight!Copy !req
554. I thought'd we never get out of
stinky-Ass smelly scotland!Copy !req
555. Oh it's so good
to have youCopy !req
556. Acting like yourself
again, sweetie!Copy !req
557. Well come on, we better get
kenny back to his parents.Copy !req
558. Wait a minute-Copy !req
559. Who's got
the pot roast?Copy !req
560. I thought
you got it!Copy !req
561. It's still at
baggage claim!Copy !req
562. Aw dammit!Copy !req
563. Come on, we
gotta find him!Copy !req
564. Kenny!Copy !req
565. Rob schneider is a somewhat
popular comedic actorCopy !req
566. Who seemed
to have it all...Copy !req
567. Until one day
he came across a pot roast!Copy !req
568. And his life
changed forever!Copy !req
569. Now, he's sharing his body
with an eight-Year-Old boy!Copy !req
570. And he's about to find outCopy !req
571. That being eight...Copy !req
572. Ain't so great.Copy !req
573. Rob schneider is
kenny!Copy !req
574. Rated pg-13.Copy !req
575. Live from space station zaed
in the valxen galaxyCopy !req
576. It's the biggest douche
in the universe awards!Copy !req
577. This year's nominees are:Copy !req
578. Graglar
the destructorCopy !req
579. Andromeda galaxy
planet j-Eleven.Copy !req
580. Dormanta unit five,
jalax galaxy- Planet heelm.Copy !req
581. Durrrrrrr!Copy !req
582. John edward, milky way galaxy,
planet earth.Copy !req
583. I'm not a douche!Copy !req
584. And finally,
ursala, the giant doucheCopy !req
585. From the horsehead nebula -
Station j-12.Copy !req
586. And the winner for biggest
douche in the universe is...Copy !req
587. It's john edward, milky
way galaxy, planet earth!Copy !req
588. Aw, now come on now!Copy !req
589. Derp da derp
da derp derp!Copy !req
590. Derp dee derp
da teetley tum!Copy !req