1. I'm going down to South Park
Gonna have myself a time
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2. Friendly faces everywhere
Humble folks without temptation
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3. Going down to South Park
Gonna leave my woes behind
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4. Ample parking day or night
People spouting, "Howdy, neighbour"
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5. Heading on up to South Park
Gonna see if I can't unwind
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6. Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy
Timmy, Timmy
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7. Living a lie, Timmy!
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8. Come on down to South Park
And meet some friends of mine
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9. You wanted to see me,
Principal Victoria?
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10. Yes, Mr. Garrison. Have a seat.
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11. Mr. Garrison, some time ago,
you asked to be promoted
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12. from teaching kindergarten
back to the third grade.
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13. I'm aware of that.
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14. I wanna come clean with you
and tell you that back then,
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15. some of us were uncomfortable
with your sexual preferences.
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16. It was wrong of us,
and I want to make it up to you.
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17. Wow, that's really great to hear.
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18. As you know, the position of fourth
grade teacher has become available,
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19. and we'd like to offer you the job.
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20. - Oh, for real? You're not kidding?
- We, in administration, see now
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21. that you are an individual with your own
preferences, and we respect that.
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22. Oh, this is all just...
This is a dream come true!
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23. Thank you, Principal Victoria.
I'll do a great job!
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24. I know you will.
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25. You're sure this is for real?
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26. I mean, I'm not just gonna get fired
again for being gay, tomorrow?
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27. - It's for real, Mr. Garrison.
- Oh, great!
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28. With all the new laws, we could never
fire you for being gay now.
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29. You'd be able to sue us
for millions of dollars!
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30. Right...
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31. What was that?
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32. Well, I was just saying that
the policies have really changed.
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33. You know, if we fired you
for acting gay, next time
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34. you'd be able to sue
the school district for lots of money.
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35. Oh, right, right, right.
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36. How much money, exactly?
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37. Oh, well, there was the case
out of Minnesota
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38. where the guy was awarded
25 million, I think.
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39. You don't say.
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40. Well, thanks, Principal Victoria.
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41. Holy moley! I've got to find a way
to get fired for being gay!
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42. M'kay, kids, I know the past few weeks
have been really hard,
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43. with the death of your teacher,
Ms. Choksondik.
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44. But the principal has finally hired
a teacher to take her place.
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45. So I want you all to give
your best behaviour
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46. to your new fourth grade teacher,
Mr. Garrison.
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47. - Not him!
- Thank you, Mr. Mackey.
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48. Good luck, m'kay?
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49. Okay, children, now for those of you
who are new, my name is Mr. Garrison.
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50. Where's Mr. Hat, sir?
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51. Well, I was informed that fourth graders
are a little too old for Mr. Hat.
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52. Two-year-olds are too old for Mr. Hat.
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53. But it's okay, because I've found
a new Teacher's Assistant.
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54. Say hello to Mr. Slave.
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55. Hi, kids.
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56. So, that's Mr. Slave,
the Teacher's Assistant.
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57. Or, as I like to write for short,
the Teacher's Ass.
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58. - Oh, Jesus Christ.
- Okay, Mr. Slave, go sit until I need you.
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59. Dude, I think that Mr. Slave guy
might be a Pakistani.
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60. I'm not saying the rest
of the school year is going to be easy.
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61. In fact, it's going to be long and hard,
really long and really hard.
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62. Oh, Jesus Christ.
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63. The first thing we're gonna be
learning about is Communist Russia.
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64. No, Kenny. What are you doing, Kenny?
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65. Now, Stalin was a big silly
when it came to...
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66. Kenny, no. Don't do it, Kenny!
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67. Eric, did you just throw
a paper aeroplane?
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68. - No, it was Kenny!
- Very funny, Eric. Kenny's dead!
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69. Yeah, but Cartman drank
Kenny's remains,
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70. and now Kenny's soul
is trapped in Cartman's body.
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71. - Yeah.
- That does it!
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72. I will not put up with foolishness
in my class!
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73. It's time for punishment!
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74. - Take it, Mr. Slave!
- Oh. Oh, it hurts!
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75. I will not put up with tomfoolery
in my classroom, children!
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76. Mr. Slave,
put this rubber ball in your mouth.
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77. Take that, Slave, take it!
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78. This should get me fired for sure!
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79. I really enjoyed the imagery
in the last chapter of this month's book.
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80. Yes, and I really saw
the entire book, thematically,
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81. - As a take on corporate America.
- Well, I think in the fourth chapter,
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82. when Nancy Drew discovers the
bloody glove in the cheerleader's locker,
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83. well, that was just
a brilliantly written passage.
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84. - So full of metaphor!
- Hey, guys, can we talk to you?
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85. - Oh, hi, boys!
- How was school?
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86. - Not cool.
- That's great.
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87. We're having our Book of the Month
club meeting,
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88. so why don't you boys
go outside and play?
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89. Was it me or did you all think
that Nancy Drew solved
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90. the riddle of Elephant Mountain
a little too easily?
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91. - Oh, yes.
- Well, sure.
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92. No, no, he said "not cool."
We got our new teacher today.
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93. It's Mr. Garrison,
our old third grade teacher.
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94. Well, he has this new
teacher's assistant,
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95. and they're both totally gay.
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96. Kyle, you know better than
to discriminate against homosexuals!
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97. Yeah, but these guys
are really super gay.
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98. I'm surprised at you, Stanley.
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99. I really thought you knew how to accept
people for who they were.
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100. - Yeah, but, Dad...
- No "buts," Stanley.
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101. We're not raising our kids
to be discriminators.
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102. That's right.
I think it's time you kids took a little trip
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103. to the Museum of Tolerance.
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104. Welcome to the Museum of Tolerance.
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105. Here, we try to educate you
on the dynamics
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106. of racism and prejudice in America.
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107. Now, did you know that words we use
can show intolerance?
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108. Let's begin our tour with a walk
through our Tunnel of Prejudice
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109. to show you what it can feel like
to be discriminated against.
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110. Oh, man, this is awesome!
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111. Now you know how it feels.
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112. I wanna ride again, I wanna ride again!
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113. We are now entering
the Hall of Stereotypes.
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114. These wax figures represent
how some intolerant people
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115. have labelled minorities.
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116. Here, we see a black person
eating chicken and watermelon,
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117. a stereotype that hurts
the African-American community.
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118. What other stereotypes
do you see here?
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119. Here's the Arab as a terrorist.
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120. That's right, but of course we know that
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121. not all Arabs are terrorists,
don't we, kids?
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122. Well, there's an Asian man
with a calculator.
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123. That's right,
not all stereotypes are negative.
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124. But even a positive one, like,
"All Asians are good at math,"
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125. is harmful to society.
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126. Look, a covetous Jew!
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127. Very good, young man.
The idea that Jews are only
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128. interested in money is very old indeed.
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129. Here's a good one.
It's the stereotypical "Sleepy Mexican."
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130. What? Oh, man, what time is it?
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131. I'm sorry,
I thought you were a wax sculpture.
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132. No, man, I'm the janitor.
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133. I'm supposed to be cleaning,
but I'm so tired, so sleepy.
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134. This is our discovery wing. Take your
time at the computer displays because,
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135. you see, being tolerant, you must also
learn to respect people who are small,
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136. people who are disabled,
even people who are overweight,
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137. - Like this young man here.
- Hey!
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138. You other boys have probably
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139. called this young man names
like "tubby" or "lard butt" or "fat tits."
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140. "Fat tits. " That's a good one.
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141. Yeah, I have to remember that.
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142. But you must learn to be tolerant
of his differences as well.
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143. If he chooses to eat fatty foods,
that's his life-choice.
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144. I'm not fat, I have a different life-choice.
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145. And we won't belittle you for eating
lots of cookies and cakes and pies.
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146. Dude, tolerance kicks ass!
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147. That's our Cartman!
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148. Well, that's the end of our tour.
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149. Now do you see why tolerance
is so important, boys?
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150. - I guess.
- We have to accept people
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151. for who they are
and what they like to do.
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152. Hey, what the hell are you doing?
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153. - Oh, I was just...
- There's no smoking in the museum!
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154. - But I'm not in the museum.
- Get out of here, you filthy smoker!
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155. Yeah! Dirty lungs!
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156. Go ahead and kill yourself,
stupid tar breath!
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157. - Dumb ass!
- Get outta here!
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158. Well, have a great day, everybody.
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159. Now you boys can go
and give your teacher and assistant
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160. - The respect they deserve, right?
- Yeah.
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161. Okay, children, let's take our seats.
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162. Apparently, none of you tried
to get me fired yesterday,
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163. so I guess we're just gonna have to
go on and learn more today.
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164. Now who can tell me
what happens to water
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165. when we heat it up
in the Bunsen burner?
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166. - It evaporates.
- Good, Butters.
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167. Now, if we take the glass tube
of the Bunsen burner,
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168. we can also see how other things react.
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169. Evaporation is an exothermic reaction.
So let's look at an endothermic one.
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170. Mr. Slave, position seven, please.
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171. Now I'm gonna put the glass tube
into Mr. Slave's tight ass.
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172. The heat from Mr. Slave's ass will act
as our new conductor of energy.
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173. Jesus Christ!
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174. Okay, now, Butters, could you bring over
Lemmiwinks for me, please?
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175. Sure!
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176. - Oh, no. No, no, no, no.
- Newton was the first to discover
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177. that for every action there is a reaction.
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178. Thank you, Butters.
Now what do you think is gonna happen
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179. when I introduce
the element of the gerbil
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180. to the endothermic heat
of Mr. Slave's ass?
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181. Well, let's see.
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182. Jesus, Jesus Christ!
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183. Lemmiwinks, no!
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184. - Hello there, children!
- Hey, Chef!
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185. - How's it going?
- Bad!
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186. - Why bad?
- Chef, we're intolerant.
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187. - Intolerant of who?
- Gays, I guess.
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188. Now why do you wanna go and
be intolerant of gay people, children?
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189. I thought you knew better!
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190. Well, we didn't think we were,
but Mr. Garrison has this
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191. new assistant, and we're really
uncomfortable around them.
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192. Children, a lot of times,
the reason people get uncomfortable
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193. around gay people is that
they have some issues themselves.
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194. You have to ask yourself,
"What is it about their behaviour
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195. "that for some reason
makes me uncomfortable?"
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196. Well, I guess it's mostly the way
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197. Mr. Garrison stuck a gerbil up
Mr. Slave's ass.
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198. Right, and you see, children,
that's why you need to... Whoa. What?
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199. - Are we homophobes now?
- We don't wanna be gay bashers, Chef!
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200. Children, there's a big difference
between gay people and Mr. Garrison.
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201. Do you understand that?
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202. - No.
- You children just take your lunches.
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203. I'm gonna have a talk with the principal.
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204. - I'll take three lunches today, please.
- You don't need three lunches, Eric.
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205. - You're fat enough as it is!
- It is my life-choice, Chef,
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206. and if you don't tolerate it,
I'll report you to the SCC.
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207. That was a brilliant idea having me
put a gerbil up your ass, Mr. Slave.
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208. Now we'll get fired for sure!
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209. Well, it wasn't the first small animal
I've put up my ass.
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210. Mr Garrison to the principal's office,
please.
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211. That's it!
They're gonna fire me for being gay!
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212. - Twenty-five million, here we come!
- Don't forget, I get half!
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213. Jesus Christ!
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214. Lemmiwinks, you must find your way
out of this place, or you will surely die.
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215. This way has been closed off
by the great sphincter.
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216. To escape, you must journey upward
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217. through the dark reaches
of the intestine and past the stomach.
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218. Who am I? Just a friend.
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219. Heed my words, Lemmiwinks.
Your time is running out.
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220. Make for the large intestine.
All will be made clear then.
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221. A great adventure
Is waiting for you ahead
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222. Hurry onward, Lemmiwinks
Or you will soon be dead
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223. The journey before you
May be long and filled with woe
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224. But you must escape the gay man's ass
So your tale can be told
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225. Lemmiwinks, Lemmiwinks
Lemmiwinks, Lemmiwinks
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226. You wanted to see me,
Principal Victoria?
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227. - Oh, yes, Mr. Garrison. Have a seat.
- Oh, dear, sounds like I'm getting fired!
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228. Mr. Garrison,
Chef has brought it to my attention
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229. that some of the students are a bit
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230. uncomfortable about certain aspects
of your teaching methods.
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231. Oh, no, you're firing me?
Oh, well, I can't stop being who I am!
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232. I can't help the way God made me.
Guess I just have to go!
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233. No, no, no, we're not firing you.
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234. You're not?
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235. No, we're sending Chef
to a tolerance seminar.
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236. Sending Chef to a tolerance seminar?
You got to be... crazy!
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237. You've demonstrated a lack of tolerance
for Mr. Garrison's behaviour.
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238. In fact, I believe you used
the words "sick queer"
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239. to describe his conduct in class.
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240. - He is a sick queer!
- Yeah!
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241. I just wanted to give you an opportunity
to apologise to Mr. Garrison
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242. before I sent you away, Chef.
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243. Kiss my black ass!
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244. Parents, I had to call you in here
because your boys have refused
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245. to attend class with their
homosexual teachers, m'kay.
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246. We're not staying in class
another minute with those queermos!
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247. Well, I really thought you boys
learned something
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248. in the Museum of Tolerance.
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249. But, apparently, all you learned was
new words to call your poor teachers.
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250. But they killed Lemmiwinks!
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251. Shut your mouth, Butters.
You'll speak when spoken to!
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252. Yes, sir.
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253. Mr. Mackey, we've done everything we
can to raise compassionate children.
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254. We don't know where else to turn!
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255. Well, there is an intensive
seminar camp.
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256. It's a bit severe,
but it might be the only way, m'kay.
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257. - That sounds good to me.
- Me, too!
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258. Then it's settled.
Boys, you're going to tolerance camp!
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259. Tolerance camp?
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260. Welcome to tolerance camp.
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261. You are here because you would not
accept people's differences,
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262. because you refused to accept
the life-choices of your fellow man.
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263. Well, those days are now over.
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264. Here, you will work
every hour of every day
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265. until you submit to being
tolerant of everybody.
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266. Here, intolerance
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267. will not be tolerated.
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268. God damn it!
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269. - How'd it go?
- This is unbelievable, Mr. Slave!
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270. It seems no matter what I do,
I can't get fired!
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271. - The principal didn't fire you?
- No, the parents felt so bad
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272. that their kids didn't want to
attend my class any more
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273. that they want to give me
the Courageous Teacher Award
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274. this Friday at the Museum of Tolerance!
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275. Oh, Jesus Christ.
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276. I mean, I stuck a gerbil up your ass,
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277. and they wanna give me
a goddamn medal!
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278. Well, it sounds to me
like the principal is just
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279. hiding things from everybody.
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280. What you need to do
is let the parents see
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281. what kind of demented faggot you are.
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282. Hey, that's right, Mr. Slave.
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283. The parents have to see for themselves.
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284. The award ceremony!
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285. We'll put on a show they'll never forget!
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286. Jesus Christ.
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287. Lemmiwinks journeyed
A distance far and fast
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288. To find his way out of a gay man's ass
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289. The road ahead is filled
With danger and fright
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290. But push onward, Lemmiwinks
With all of your might
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291. Lemmiwinks, you are coming to
the entrance of the small intestine.
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292. There you must seek out
the Sparrow Prince.
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293. The Sparrow Prince lies
Somewhere way up ahead
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294. Don't look back, Lemmiwinks
Or you'll soon be dead
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295. Lemmiwinks, Lemmiwinks
The time is growing late
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296. Slow down now and seal your fate
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297. I am the Sparrow Prince.
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298. Long has my spirit been trapped
within this place.
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299. Before you lies
the maze of the small intestine.
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300. One path leads to the stomach,
the other to certain doom.
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301. Take with you this helmet and torch.
Let them be your guide.
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302. Take the magic helmet torch
To help you light the way
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303. There's still a lot of ground to cross
Inside the man so gay
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304. Ahead of you lies adventure
And your strength still lies within
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305. Freedom from the ass of doom
Is the treasure you will win
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306. Today we will be using
the finger-paints.
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307. You will make a painting that shows
people of different races
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308. and sexual orientations getting along.
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309. Finger-paint, finger-paint!
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310. You will not make any distinction
between people of different colour,
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311. people with different sexual
preferences. You will accept everyone!
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312. What are you finger-painting?
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313. - A bear?
- Ein bear!
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314. Und bear has nothing to do with
accepting people of different races!
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315. I didn't know what else to paint!
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316. Start over! You will finger-paint
what we tell you. Go!
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317. Faster.
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318. Faster!
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319. Faster!
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320. Faster! Are you done?
What is it? What have you done?
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321. People of all colours and creeds
holding hands beneath a rainbow!
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322. Good! That wasn't so hard, was it?
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323. Now do it again!
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324. Faster!
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325. Faster!
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326. There, I've done it, Mr. Slave.
The perfect plan to get us fired.
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327. You finished your costume design yet?
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328. Almost.
I just have to get through with the...
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329. - Jesus Christ.
- What's the matter?
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330. - Just a bit of an upset stomach, I guess.
- Well, here, take a Pepto pill.
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331. I can't have my teacher's ass
under the weather.
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332. Jesus Christ.
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333. Lemmiwinks came to the stomach dark
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334. 'Neath the depths
Of the lungs and heart
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335. You chose your path wisely,
Lemmiwinks.
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336. I am the Catatafish.
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337. Catatafish of the stomach's cove
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338. If you answer this riddle,
the oesophagus will let you pass.
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339. Catatafish's riddle will soon be told
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340. - Everything in order?
- Yes, mein Fuhrer.
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341. We are making the prisoners
make macaroni pictures that
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342. illustrate diversity in the workplace.
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343. Excellent.
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344. Kyle! Kyle, you have to keep making
your macaroni pictures.
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345. Can't... glue... any more.
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346. The guards are coming, Kyle.
Glue, glue, damn you!
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347. Take this one away. He is done for.
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348. - Butters?
- No more... arts and crafts.
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349. Jesus, we have to get out of here.
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350. Please don't tell them
that we're hiding here!
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351. We can't work any more, or we'll die!
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352. - What, what?
- Nothing, I was just
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353. - Getting back to work.
- What is in there?
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354. - Nothing!
- Get back to work!
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355. Yes, sir!
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356. Hey, I was just kidding. There's actually
two girls hiding down there! Hey!
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357. Tonight, we are here to honour
an amazing fourth grade teacher
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358. with the Courageous Teacher Award.
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359. Herbert Garrison came out
about two years ago.
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360. Since then, he has faced adversity.
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361. He has even faced ridicule
by some of his students.
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362. Randy, I'm so ashamed of our son.
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363. It is my honour to present
the Courageous Teacher Award
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364. to Herbert Garrison.
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365. - Get along, little Slave.
- Oh, my God.
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366. That's what our boys
were talking about?
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367. He is so courageous.
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368. - Say, Mr. Slave!
- Yes, Mr. Garrison?
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369. I had a dream last night
that you were a real dick.
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370. Really? Why would you dream
that I was being an asshole?
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371. No, no. I was the asshole.
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372. - That is so courageous.
- What an amazing human being!
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373. I'm very happy to get this award.
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374. But you know what makes me
even happier? Sucking balls.
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375. It isn't working!
Sing your song, Mr. Slave!
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376. I've got a little...
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377. Jesus Christ!
What's happening in there?
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378. Hang on, Lemmiwinks.
You solved the Catatafish's riddle!
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379. Now your trials are nearly through!
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380. I should've never shoved
all those poor animals up my ass!
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381. - Courageous.
- So courageous!
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382. God damn it, don't you people get it?
I'm trying to get fired here!
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383. Oh, that's courageous.
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384. Look, this kind of behaviour should not
be acceptable from a teacher!
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385. Yeah. Jesus Christ.
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386. But the museum tells us to be tolerant.
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387. - Yes, the "museum."
- The "museum" tells us.
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388. Tolerant, but not stupid!
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389. Look, just because you
have to tolerate something,
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390. doesn't mean you have to approve of it!
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391. If you had to like it, it'd be called
the "Museum of Acceptance."
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392. "Tolerate" means
you're just putting up with it.
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393. You tolerate a crying child
sitting next to you on the aeroplane.
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394. Or you tolerate a bad cold.
It can still piss you off!
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395. Jesus tap dancing Christ!
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396. He's right.
Our boys didn't hate homosexuals.
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397. They just hated the way
this asshole was acting!
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398. We've got to get our boys back!
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399. So, now, can I please get fired
and get my $25 million?
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400. No, no. I think I have a better idea.
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401. We're sorry, boys. Why didn't you tell us
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402. your teachers were acting
so over the top?
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403. Yes, you boys don't know
how much we've suffered!
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404. Come on, let's go.
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405. But this is insane!
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406. I'm sorry, Mr. Garrison,
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407. but it's obvious you aren't tolerant
of your own behaviour.
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408. What do we have here, new recruits?
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409. I assure you, the next week will be
nothing but pain and suffering!
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410. This could be kind of fun.
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411. Lemmiwinks has made it out
The tale is nearly through
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412. - Great job, Lemmiwinks!
- Thanks to you, we are all free.
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413. But your adventures are just beginning.
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414. For you are no ordinary gerbil,
Lemmiwinks. You are the Gerbil King.
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415. All hail the Gerbil King!
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416. Now that you're the Gerbil King
There's more adventures to go on
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417. Fly away to faraway lands
And to the setting sun
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418. There are still so many enemies
And battles yet to fight
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419. For Lemmiwinks, the Gerbil King
To be told another night
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420. Lemmiwinks, Lemmiwinks
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421. Lemmiwinks, Lemmiwinks
Lemmiwinks, Lemmiwinks, Gerbil King
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422. Oh, Jesus Christ!
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