1. And in other news, another school shooting
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2. has taken place, this time in Idaho.
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3. As these kinds of shooting increase,
one thing becomes clear:
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4. Your children are not safe at school.
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5. Oh God!
Change it! Change it!
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6. This was the second time a terrorist
threat has been made on a theme park,
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7. leaving everyone to realize
that children are not safe outside.
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8. Agh! God, change it!
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9. And it seems there's
a new danger to look out for:
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10. children who are taken by strangers.
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11. The bottom line: children are not
safe in their own homes!
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12. Tweek.
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13. Come to the kitchen, sweetie.
We need to see you real quick.
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14. Oh God. They're gonna get me.
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15. Sit down and have some coffee, son.
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16. Tweek, there's starting to be
a lot of reports in the news
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17. about kids being abducted,
and we thought we should talk.
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18. I s-I saw!
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19. You know never to talk
to strangers, right Tweek?
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20. You can't trust anybody.
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21. Oh God!
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22. Now, we don't want to alarm you, son,
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23. but we've isntalled new locks
on your bedroom windows and door.
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24. It's important for you to know
never to unlock them at night
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25. for anyone except your mother and I.
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26. Oh Jesus!
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27. It's just a precaution, sweetie.
Probably nothing will ever happen.
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28. No, NO! They're gonna get me!
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29. Oh, God!
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30. Just a dream.
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31. OH MY GOD!
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32. Tweek!
This is Officer Daniels!
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33. Now, try and stay calm, but we believe
an abductor is in your room!
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34. Inside my room? Oh God!
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35. Give it up, buddy!
We've got ya surrounded!
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36. Okay, Tweek.
I want you to very calmly but quickly
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37. walk to the door and come out to us!
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38. Oh my God!
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39. Jesus, see me through this.
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40. Bang!
You're dead, Tweek.
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41. What?
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42. You failed the test, son.
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43. Didn't I tell you not to open the door
for anybody except your mother and I?
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44. Oh God! Oh Jesus!
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45. What if that had been a child abductor
pretending to be a police officer, Tweek?
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46. He would have sprayed your brains
all over the floor and then
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47. taken your body off to the woods.
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48. You've got to be on your toes, Tweek.
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49. Alright, now go to bed
and get some rest.
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50. 'Night, pumpkin.
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51. - I hope this movie doesn't suck ass.
- It will.
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52. One please.
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53. Wait, that's not the usual
ticket-taker guy!
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54. - So?
- So? I don't know him!
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55. - Dude, relax.
- You relax! What if he wants to kill me?
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56. What the hell do his parents do to him?
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57. 'Scuse me, is this the right
road to Breckenridge.
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58. Please, I just need to know if
this is "South Park"?
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59. Get away from meee!
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60. Could you help me across the street?
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61. I don't know you!
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62. Oh, hey, kid! Oh, thank God you happened by.
My- my chair ran out of juice
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63. right on these train tracks.
If you hadn't had shown up, well...
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64. Well, anyway,
could you give me a push?
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65. Huh uh!
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66. No, no, you don't understand.
I'm, I'm paralyzed from the neck down.
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67. I push the chair with this device in front of my
mouth, but it's it's not working, so you see-
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68. I'm not supposed to talk to you!
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69. Please, this, this isn't funny, kid.
You have to help me.
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70. But it could be a trick!
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71. That's a pretty good trick.
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72. Ááááááááá!
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73. Relax, Tweek. I am not here to hurt you.
I am the Ghost of Human Kindness.
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74. The Ghost of Human Kindness?
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75. You have never seen the likes of me before.
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76. What do you want?
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77. You have lost faith in humanity, lad.
Something I cannot bear to see happen.
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78. Huh-uh, how can I help it? It seems that
everywhere I turn, someone is out to get me.
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79. That is the world of the news reports.
It is the world that adults
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80. preoccupy themselves with,
but it is not the world as it is.
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81. It isn't?
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82. Look here, Tweek. This woman is on her way
to the retirement home. She doesn't get paid.
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83. She volunteers her time to talk
with lonely elderly people
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84. who want nothing more than a friend.
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85. But do you hear about her on the news?
No.
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86. Now gaze upon this humble house, Tweek.
Inside there are two people who
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87. have adopted needy children.
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88. They were strangers to those kids once.
Now they are loving parents.
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89. Now, look here, boy.
A car has broken down with a flat tire,
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90. and two complete strangers
have stopped to help.
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91. Will their kindness be reported on
the news tomorrow? I think not.
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92. Are you starting to understand, boy?
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93. I think so. You mean that, even though
all the news is about murderers
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94. and abductors, those kind of people...
only make up a very small part of the world.
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95. That's right, lad. So do you think you
can learn to trust people now?
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96. I'll... try.
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97. Good. Then why don't you get into the
back of my van, and I'll drive you home.
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98. Your van?
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99. Alright Johnson, give it up!
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100. Damn! Damn! Damn! Damn!
Oh, I was so close!
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101. What the hell is going on?
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102. Tweek, Tweek, are you okay?
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103. Did he hurt you, son?
No.
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104. Then we aren't too late. His name is
Frederick Johnson. He's been abducting
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105. children by dressing up like the Ghost
of Human Kindness for over a year now.
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106. And I would have gotten away with it again
if it weren't for you meddling policemen!
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107. What's going on?
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108. A stranger was caught trying
to abduct the Tweek boy.
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109. An abductor in our town?
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110. Oh my God, what are we gonna do?
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111. People, people, calm down.
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112. Well what are we gonna do, Mayor?
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113. We have to stop these abductors from being
able to get into our town!
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114. Yes, but standing out here
yelling "Rabble rabble rabble"
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115. isn't going to help anything.
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116. Well we don't know what else to do, Mayor!
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117. People, what do you think we need to do?
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118. Uh, well, we need to find a way to close
our town off from unwanted strangers!
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119. Yes, we need a barrier to
protect our kids.
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120. Wait, that's it. A wall.
We could build a huge city wall all around
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121. South Park so that we have
complete control over who comes in.
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122. That's... not a bad idea, a city wall.
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123. But who can we get to build it?
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124. And so, we want you to design and build
a great wall, all around the city.
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125. I don' build wall.
I just own un' operate Shity Wok.
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126. We just think that you're the best person to put
up a wall. We're sure you've got it in your blood.
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127. Oh, I get it. Just because I Chinese,
you think I build wall. That I' bullshit!
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128. I'm not stereotype, okay?
Just because I'm Chinese doesn't mean
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129. I go around building wall!
I'm just a normal person like all o'you!
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130. I eat ahrice and drive ahreally slow,
just like the rest o'you! I'm not stereotype!
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131. Please, Mr. Tuong Lu Kim.
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132. Your ancestors put up a great
wall that kept Mongolians out for
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133. thousands of years.
We know you can do it for us.
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134. Hey. Hey hey!
Hey, what the hell you doing?
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135. Mongorians?
What the hell Mongorians doing here?
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136. Ey, fuck you, Mongorians!
Tryin' break down my wall!
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137. Get out of here, fuckin' Mongorians!
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138. God-damnit, how come every time
us Chinese put up a wall,
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139. stupid Mongorians have
to come and knock it down?
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140. Stan, our abduction problems are over.
We got the new Child Tracker.
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141. Child Tracker?
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142. It's a little electrical device that can
tell us where you are anywhere on Earth.
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143. If anybody takes you, we'll be able to
locate your exact location within two meters.
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144. There, I think that's got it.
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145. Dude, no way!
I'm not wearing Child Tracker!
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146. You can barely even tell you have one on.
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147. I'm not going to school like this!
What will all the other guys say?
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148. I wouldn't worry about that.
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149. So weak. So weak, dude. Man.
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150. Why did you go and have to be abducted, Tweek?
Now all our parents are freaking out!
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151. I didn't mean to.
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152. Okay. Finary.
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153. Oh no.
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154. It's those God-damned Mongorians again!
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155. Stop! Stop right there, Mongorians!
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156. God-damnit, stop!
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157. Stop breaking down my shity wall
you stupid Mongoriaaans!
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158. Ay, you sons of bitches, you-
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159. What the hell?
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160. Oh, shit!
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161. OH, GOD-DAMNED MONGORIANS!
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162. I'm gonna get you, fuckin' Mongorians!
Don't break down my shity wall!
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163. That's the last time you're gonna break
down my shity wall! You hear me, Mongorians?
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164. God-damned Mongorians.
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165. Alright, Cows, We're gonna go out
there and we're gonna give 'em hell!
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166. But, wait. Where's the other team?
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167. There is no other team.
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168. Well, we've... put a wall around the
city to keep outsiders out.
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169. You don't think we want a bunch of
strangers coming in to play ball, do you?
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170. But if there is no other team,
then it won't be any fun.
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171. Don't worry, it'll still be fun for us.
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172. Go Cows! Go Cows!
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173. Play ball!
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174. Steeeeee-riiike
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175. South Park Cows do it again!
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176. Congratulations on your victory, boys.
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177. Dude, we weren't playing anybody.
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178. Yeah, and you kicked ass!
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179. Isn't it awesome havin'
a great wall around our city?
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180. Nobody in town except for our good friends.
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181. Guys! Sh, quiet everyone.
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182. And this newest study reveals
more about child abductions
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183. than we apparently knew before, Tom.
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184. Turn it up.
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185. That's right, Chris. This newest study
shows that the majority of child abductions
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186. are NOT commited by strangers, but by
somebody the child knows in their own town.
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187. The report further states that it is
because the child trusts the individual
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188. that problems occur in the first place.
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189. Well, I guess this means the enemy is
in our own backyard, so to speak.
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190. Sure does, Tom.
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191. Alright, thanks, Chris.
Is the weather going to turn su-
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192. Well, if you'll all excuse us,
I think we'll be going now.
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193. Yeah. Come along, Kyle
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194. Stanley, time for us
to get back to the house.
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195. I'm not done with my pizza.
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196. NOW, Stanley!
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197. Eh. Eh, eh, there we go.
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198. All finished.
My Mongolian Missile Defense system.
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199. Those Mongolians try to break
down my shity wall again,
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200. they gonna get a big
heat-seeking missile surprise!
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201. Oh! Hello Mongolians. Yeah.
You come to break down my shity wall?
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202. Oh, you gonna throw that baseball
at my wall? Oh no! Not a baseball!
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203. I'm pretty scared.
Well, you know what?
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204. I might have something here that's
a little bigger than a baseball.
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205. Say hello to my little friend!
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206. Aw, crap.
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207. God-damned Mongolians!
You break down my shity wall last time!
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208. Dude, this is worse than Child Tracker.
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209. 'Sokay, boys.
Just act as if we weren't here.
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210. Right.
Do what you normally would do.
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211. You're such a fatass, Cartman.
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212. At least I'm not a stupid Jew.
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213. Whatwhatwhaaat?
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214. M'kay, kids, so, now, who can tell me what
year the first moon landing took place?
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215. Uh, how about you, Clyde?
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216. Nineteen six-
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217. No helping!
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218. M'kay, I'm not really sure havin' all
the parents here is a good idea, m'kay?
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219. Well, maybe things could be better if
we could trust people like the Stotches!
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220. Us? Your family's all be
the shifty-eyed ones!
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221. Oh yeah?
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222. Oh, this is too much to take.
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223. Mom, Dad, could you please leave me alone?
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224. We just wanna make sure nobody
hurts you, Junior, m'kay?
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225. M'kay.
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226. Hahahaha! My masterpiece!
When those Mongolians come next time,
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227. I pour this sweet and
sour pork on their heads.
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228. Haha, sweet and sour pork so hot and sticky,
Mongolians'll stick ahright up to the wall!
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229. And scream "UhwOoOoOoOoo!"
Oh I can't wait.
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230. Oh, I get it. A Trojan Mongolian horse.
Mongolians a-hiding inside thinking
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231. that I'll bring it in shity wall, then Mongolians
pop out and destroy wall from the inside
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232. out without gettin' any sweet and sour
pork on their heads! Okay. I'll pray around.
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233. Oh! Oh rook! Rook, my very own Mongorian
Trojan horse! Gee, what a surprise!
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234. I guess Mongorians aren't such crappy,
smelly people after all!
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235. Yeah. Great! Rwow!
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236. Yeah, what a great present!
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237. I'm just gonna push it inside the
gate and soon tell all my friends.
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238. Oh, it's sweet and sour pork!
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239. Oh! I'm going to get you Nogodians,
if it's the last thing I do!
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240. And so all the residents of Manhattan
are prepared to evacuate,
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241. if Ms. Clinton's
ass gets any bigger.
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242. And in other news, new findings
on the increase in child abductions.
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243. Oh Jesus, turn it up, honey!
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244. The study shows that the most likely abductors
of children... are the parents themselves!
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245. The study reveals that
nine out of every ten abduction
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246. cases are commited by
the child's mother or father.
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247. The bottom line being that your
children aren't safe, even from you!
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248. Where are you going?
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249. Uh. I'm just going to go upstairs
and see if Tweek is still in his bed.
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250. Oh?
I think I'll go with you.
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251. It's okay. I can do it.
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252. I just want to make sure that you-
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253. That I don't abduct him? How do I know
that you haven't done it already?
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254. Me?
I would never abduct our son!
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255. That's not what the new study says!
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256. Well what are we supposed to do, eh-?
How can we protect Tweek from ourselves?
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257. Here you go, Stanley.
This should hold you over for three years.
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258. But why do I have to leave?
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259. The news says that at your age
you aren't safe with us, son.
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260. You have to get out of here
before we abduct you.
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261. Good-bye, son.
Remember to eat right.
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262. Look out for your brother, Kyle.
You're the man now.
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263. Oh, boys!
Don't ever forget that we love you!
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264. Be careful out there!
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265. Where are we supposed to go?
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266. We can't tell you because we
can't know where you are!
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267. Oh, this is terrible!
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268. Go on, kids! Go!
Go and don't look back!
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269. Good-bye, kids.
We'll... never forget you.
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270. Dude, sometimes I think our
parents are really stupid.
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271. Ah. Hey daw. O'er 'ere. O'er 'ere, dog.
Got som'in sweet and souh foh ya.
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272. Good dog! That's it! Keep licking, dog!
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273. Hahahahahaaa! I'm free, Mongolians!
And now I'm gonna make you PAY!
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274. Finally, some good news tonight. It's been
several days since any child abductions
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275. have taken place. The main reason:
parents don't know where their children are.
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276. What's the matter?
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277. Oh, it's just...
I was wondering if Stan's okay.
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278. Oh, I'm sure he's made it
somewhere safe by now.
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279. Do you really think
we did the right thing, Randy?
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280. Sending all the young kids
in town to live on their own?
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281. - Sweetheart, you saw the news...
- I know.
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282. Don't you worry. I'm sure that Stan
and all the other kids are somewhere safe,
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283. off in a whole new city by now,
making a new life for themselves.
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284. Tah tane da ke ab kahleh kalabush.
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285. Bi ologad bag, big nan dastai.
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286. De bandig baeakhalah?
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287. Tawya mea pleda cleah bleah.
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288. Triben fak burushban.
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289. Shain balag!
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290. Awright, Mongolians! Your only way through
this wall is through me. This is my rast stand!
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291. I'm gonna do my war dance now.
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292. Does my war dance ascare you, Mongolians?
Yeah, you think you want a piece of this?
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293. This is ancient Chinese dance of a-
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294. Oh, herro kids. Uh be careful,
there's a-Mongolians up there.
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295. Oh, crap!
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296. What's going on?
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297. I heard an explosion.
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298. God-damned Mongolians
attacked shity wall again!
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299. Mongolians?
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300. What the hell are they doin' here?
Rabble! Rabble rabble!
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301. Wait a minute.
Those Mongolians are... our children.
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302. Ike? Kyle?
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303. My son has become a Mongolian?
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304. No! Noooo!
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305. Oh God. What have we done?
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306. We sent our children away, and now
they don't even remember who they are.
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307. Kids? Don't you remember us?
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308. Wait wait.
I learned some Mongolian in college.
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309. Ah, let's see. Uh. K-kids, uh, Bi kute.
Bi salnek kute. Uh-d tah tasobarro.
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310. Oh my God, our parents
are so stupid, dude.
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311. Bi kute.
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312. We are your parents.
You used to live here, with us.
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313. Yeah, it was like four days ago!
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314. They're starting to remember.
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315. Staaan. Your name... is Staaan!
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316. Uh huh, Stan Marsh.
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317. That's it! Remember, son! Rememmmber!
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318. - We're sorry, Tweek!
- Are you okay, Clyde?
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319. - Oh, son, can you ever forgive us?
- Huh, I'm over here, Dad.
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320. We're sorry, kids. We just let all those
sensationalist news reports go to our heads.
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321. Oh my God, do you see what this means?
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322. The Ghost of Human Kindness
was right all along.
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323. You mean how he said we should trust each
other, or how he abducted children?
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324. The uh... no no, the part
about being more trusting.
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325. We should follow what he said,
not what he did.
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326. No, no. You know who was right all along?
The Mongolians.
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327. They knew that you just can't wall
yourself off from the outside world.
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328. Putting walls up never helps anything.
Tearing them down brings us together.
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329. Right!
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330. Yeah, the Mongolians
were right. Yeah.
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331. Aw, you'd better not say what
I think you're gonna say.
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332. Mr. Lu Kim, tear down this wall!
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333. Oh, God! I hate this whole shitty!
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334. Randy, can we just take
our son home now?
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335. Yes, kids.
With us, now come. Home. Hoomme.
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336. Jesus Christ, dude, they've done some
stupid crap before, but Jesus Christ.
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