1. I'm going down to South Park
Gonna have myself a time
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2. Friendly faces everywhere
Humble folks without temptation
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3. Going down to South Park
Gonna leave my woes behind
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4. Ample parking day or night
People spouting, "Howdy, neighbour"
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5. Heading on up to South Park
Gonna see if I can't unwind
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6. Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy
Timmy, Timmy
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7. Living a lie, Timmy!
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8. Come on down to South Park
And meet some friends of mine
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9. Oh, hello, boys.
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10. Hi, the school called and said we all
have to start going to class again.
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11. Oh, but I thought your teacher died.
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12. She did, but now they're saying
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13. we have to start going
back to school anyways.
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14. - It's totally gay.
- Oh, well, I'll tell Eric.
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15. He's just down in the basement
playing with his dolls.
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16. Cartman likes to play with dolls?
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17. Hello, Precious.
Yes, that's a good Precious.
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18. Now it takes the lotion from the basket.
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19. "Oh, please, mister.
Please let me out of here!"
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20. It puts the lotion on its skin,
or else it gets the hose again!
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21. Yes, that's a good Precious.
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22. Okay, now it puts the lotion
back in the basket.
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23. "Please, mister! Let me out!"
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24. It puts the lotion back in the basket...
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25. "I miss my mom, mister!
I want to see my mommy!"
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26. Put the lotion in the... basket!
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27. - Sweetie...
- Yes, Mom?
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28. You have to get ready for school.
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29. No, our teacher's dead, remember?
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30. Yes, but they said
two weeks off was enough,
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31. and they want everyone back.
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32. Two weeks isn't enough.
I'm not over our teacher's tragic death.
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33. I'm still shooken up.
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34. You'll get it over it, honey.
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35. But I wanna play.
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36. I can't believe it's been two weeks
since I've seen you guys!
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37. What have you been doing?
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38. - Hey, guys!
- Hey, Bebe!
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39. You guys notice anything different?
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40. Oh, my God, Bebe! You got boobs!
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41. Yeah! They started coming in last week!
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42. At first I thought they were
just mosquito bites,
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43. but then they didn't go away!
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44. M'kay, kids, let's take our seats, m'kay?
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45. I know this has been
a difficult couple weeks for you all,
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46. with the untimely death of your teacher,
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47. but it's time for us to try
to move on and learn, m'kay?
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48. Mr. Mackey, I don't think I'm over
the teacher's tragic death yet.
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49. I need more time.
It's just... It still hurts, you know?
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50. Can I go home?
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51. No, Eric, what we're gonna do
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52. is learn to hide our emotions
with math problems.
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53. M'kay, so let's start with some
multiplication tables over here, m'kay?
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54. First, we'll do four times four.
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55. Dude, look at Bebe.
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56. Something seems different about her.
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57. Yeah, I noticed that, too.
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58. Did she get a haircut or something?
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59. I don't know.
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60. Hey, Token.
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61. You know, I've never
really noticed before,
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62. but that girl, Bebe, is kind of cool.
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63. I was just thinking the same thing.
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64. It's like, she's a girl, but she's someone
you could hang out with.
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65. Yeah. Bebe is kind of cool, huh?
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66. Hey, Craig, is that the same shirt
that that Bebe chick always wears?
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67. I don't know. Why?
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68. It just... It just seems like
a really awesome shirt.
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69. Yeah. It kind of does.
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70. M'kay... And so... So who can tell me
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71. the answer to the first problem,
six times eight?
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72. Bebe?
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73. Oh. 48?
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74. - That is an awesome answer!
- Yeah!
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75. Dude, Bebe is really smart.
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76. Yeah, I never noticed that before.
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77. Maybe she's actually cool enough
to hang out with us.
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78. Yeah, maybe.
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79. But I was, like,
"I'm not buying those shoes for $20."
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80. - Hey, Bebe.
- Yeah?
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81. We're gonna go throw
rocks at cars later on,
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82. and we thought maybe
you'd like to join us.
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83. Really? I've never done that before.
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84. It's really fun!
You toss these little rocks at cars,
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85. and if the driver gets angry,
you blame me!
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86. Yeah, it's cool.
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87. Well, sure, that sounds hella fun.
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88. - Yeah! Hella fun!
- She's right!
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89. Wow! "Hella fun"! That's awesome!
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90. I'm gonna start saying that now!
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91. Cool, we'll see you later, Bebe.
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92. Stan, you've never asked me to
throw rocks at cars with you guys.
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93. That's different, dude.
You're, like, my girlfriend.
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94. Bebe's just...
I don't know, she's just cool.
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95. Yeah, she's really cool.
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96. It's weird how we never noticed before.
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97. So what you do, see, is you wait
for a car to drive by
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98. that big pine tree,
then you chuck a rock at it.
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99. It's all about the timing.
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100. You damn kids!
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101. - Cool!
- You try it, Bebe!
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102. - Okay!
- Here comes a sedan!
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103. You damn kids!
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104. - Awesome!
- Cool!
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105. That was the most perfect throw
I've ever seen!
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106. That was sweet, Bebe!
Now if you just hold the rock like this...
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107. Yeah, here, it's like, if you
put your thumb on this side...
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108. I'm showing her.
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109. Yeah, let me just show her real quick
how to put the thumb...
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110. Anyways, you put a spin on it
by holding it here...
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111. Yeah, and, then you can
actually hold it like this. Now...
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112. Listen, guys, it's 5:30.
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113. I'm supposed to get home,
so I'll see you later.
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114. Wait. What were we doing again?
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115. We were throwing rocks at cars.
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116. - Oh, yeah!
- Cool.
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117. Here comes an SUV!
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118. You damn kids!
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119. - Hi, Bebe!
- Hey, everybody.
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120. Oh, for Christ's sake.
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121. M'kay, kids.
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122. Yesterday, I asked you to write a paper
to read aloud for the class.
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123. Now, who wants to start?
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124. M'kay, Clyde.
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125. My paper is called
"Why Bebe is the Coolest Person Ever."
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126. Hey! That's what I wrote about!
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127. Me, too!
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128. M'kay.
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129. Go ahead, Clyde.
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130. "My friend Bebe is really smart.
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131. "She tells funny jokes
and knows a lot about stuff.
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132. "She's good at almost
everything she tries.
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133. "She's awesome.
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134. "The end."
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135. M'kay, very nice, Clyde.
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136. Token, why don't you read your paper?
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137. "If I Could Be Bebe."
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138. "If I was Bebe,
I would have lots of friends
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139. "because I would be so great.
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140. "I would make people smile and think
wherever I went."
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141. M'kay, interesting, Token.
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142. Who would like to go next?
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143. How about someone who didn't
write about how cool Bebe is?
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144. M'kay, Bebe.
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145. "My Cat, Thumper."
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146. Wow!
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147. "Thumper is grey with a white spot.
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148. "Sometimes, he likes to chase his tail."
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149. Chase his tail? That must be so funny!
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150. "Thumper is 12 years old.
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151. "That's pretty old for a cat.
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152. "The end."
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153. Wow!
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154. God, you know, that's so true,
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155. because you sometimes
never really think
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156. about how old a pet is until it's gone.
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157. That's true, huh?
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158. Man, that really makes me
reflect on my pets.
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159. That's such a great paper.
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160. M'kay, Wendy,
why don't we hear your paper?
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161. "The New Cold War."
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162. Oh, God, here we go again. Dork alert!
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163. But then the mall closes
at 4:00 or 5:00, so, who knows...
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164. Hey, have any of you dumb girls
seen Bebe anywhere?
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165. - No.
- Maybe she's in the lunch line.
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166. Yeah.
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167. Can you believe Bebe?
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168. She thinks she's so cool
all of a sudden.
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169. I can't stand her any more.
She's such a slut.
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170. - She's a total slut!
- You know what I heard?
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171. I heard that she made out with
eight different boys in one minute!
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172. I heard that she lifted her shirt
to the boys at the bus stop.
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173. I heard that her asshole
is, like, this big around.
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174. - Whoa.
- Hey, guys.
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175. Oh, hey, Bebe. Slut.
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176. - Slut.
- Slut.
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177. - Slut.
- Slut.
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178. You guys still wanna go ice skating
after school?
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179. Oh, no, that's okay, Bebe.
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180. You might trip and then
we'd be sucked in to your huge,
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181. gaping vagina,
like ants into a vacuum cleaner.
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182. Slut. Slut.
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183. Slut. Slut.
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184. Bebe, is something the matter?
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185. Oh, Mom... It's just...
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186. My girlfriends at school said
some really mean things to me today.
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187. They called me a slut,
with a huge, gaping vagina.
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188. Oh, sweetie.
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189. You're all just growing up.
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190. Part of being a woman
is having a friend one day,
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191. and calling her a slut the next.
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192. But am I slutty just because
I'm starting to be friends with guys?
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193. I mean, they just like me because
they think I'm smart and cool.
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194. I remember when I was a little girl,
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195. the boys didn't think
I was very smart at all.
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196. But then, one day,
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197. they all started thinking
I was really smart.
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198. I guess big smarts just run in our family.
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199. Well, if the girls don't want to be
my friends, that's fine.
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200. Guys are way cooler, anyways.
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201. You guys wanted me to meet you here?
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202. Yeah, have a seat, Tweek.
We all need to have a talk.
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203. Oh, God!
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204. All right, guys, now that we're all here,
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205. I think we need to have
a difficult conversation.
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206. It's obvious that Bebe is, like,
the coolest, smartest,
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207. most awesome person we've ever met.
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208. - True. Yeah.
- Yeah.
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209. And, you know, we've been trying
to fill the gap with a fourth friend,
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210. ever since Kenny died,
God rest his soul.
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211. And it hasn't been an easy process.
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212. Right.
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213. And, so, even though I think it's
a tough thing to do right now,
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214. I think, maybe, it's best for everyone
if we make room to allow
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215. Bebe to be our new fourth friend.
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216. - Yeah.
- That would be best.
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217. Well, I'm glad you guys all agree.
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218. And so, Kyle, I just want to say
that it's been really great,
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219. and we're gonna miss you.
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220. - Huh?
- Kyle?
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221. And even though it didn't quite work out,
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222. I'm sure you'll find other friends
down the road, Kyle.
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223. Here's a nice watch for you,
and some peanuts.
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224. Me? Dude, I've been here
since the beginning!
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225. And we're really sad to see you go.
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226. Let's give a big round of applause
for Kyle, everybody.
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227. - Hip, hip...
- Dude, we're not kicking Kyle out!
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228. Please?
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229. No!
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230. All right, fine!
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231. So then I guess we have no choice
but to let you go, Tweek.
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232. But we want you to know
that it's been really fun.
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233. Here's a watch and some peanuts.
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234. - No way! Tweek's cool!
- Yeah!
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235. Well, dumbasses, how are we gonna
make room for Bebe?
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236. Thanks for inviting me
to ride the bus to school with you guys.
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237. Sure thing, Bebe.
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238. That's fine! That's fine!
you, Kyle, and... you, Stan!
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239. you, Tweek!
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240. Bebe, you're still cool.
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241. What are you doing?
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242. We're trying to get Bebe
to run for class president.
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243. I'm class president!
The vote was last fall!
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244. Well, yeah, but, Wendy,
you have to admit,
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245. Bebe is a lot smarter
and more organised than you.
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246. Yeah. We need a leader like Bebe.
She can teach us all so much.
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247. She's not smarter
and cooler than everyone.
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248. You guys are just drawn
to something else!
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249. What?
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250. God, you guys are so stupid!
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251. Stupider than Bebe!
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252. - Yeah!
- Yeah!
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253. Bebe's cool, huh, fellas?
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254. - Yeah!
- Yeah!
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255. - Sure is.
- Yeah.
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256. I can't wait to watch
Terrance and Phillip with Bebe!
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257. Yeah!
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258. - Where are you guys going?
- We're going to see our friend Bebe.
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259. Bebe is our friend.
Didn't you all get the memo?
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260. Bebe is everybody's friend.
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261. Yeah, God put Bebe on Earth
to enrich everyone's lives!
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262. All right, I guess we can all watch
Terrance and Phillip together.
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263. - Oh, hello, boys.
- Is Bebe home?
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264. No, she's with one of her little friends.
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265. But she should be back shortly,
if you boys want to wait.
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266. Who is she with?
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267. I believe she's playing "lambs"
over at Eric Cartman's house.
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268. Cartman's?
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269. See, and this is Precious.
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270. Precious?
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271. Okay, so then we put my mom's
hand lotion in this little basket
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272. and lower it down to Polly Prissypants.
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273. Uh-huh.
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274. Now you say, "It puts the lotion on
its skin or else it gets the hose again."
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275. It puts the lotion on its skin
or else it gets the hose again.
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276. Yeah!
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277. "Mister, please let me out of here."
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278. Now say it again, louder!
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279. It puts the lotion on its skin
or else it gets the hose again.
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280. Good!
Now, "Put the lotion back in the basket."
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281. "My parents have money, mister! They'll
give you whatever you want! Please!"
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282. Now just yell,
"Put the lotion in the... basket!"
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283. Put the lotion in the basket!
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284. Put the lotion in the... basket!
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285. Oh, no, Precious!
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286. "I got your dog, mister!
Let me out or I'm gonna kill it."
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287. Now, you say...
"Don't you hurt my... dog!"
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288. Don't you hurt my... dog!
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289. You bitch, I'll cut your throat!
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290. What the hell are you doing?
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291. We're playing "lambs."
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292. Bebe, I thought we were gonna watch
Terrance and Phillip today.
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293. Yeah! And then we gotta
work on your campaign!
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294. Right. But first we have to go to the...
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295. You guys! Calm down!
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296. Timmy!
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297. This is insane!
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298. Stop it, you guys! Please!
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299. Oh, boy, I never meant
to cause all this trouble.
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300. Bebe, those boys from your school
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301. are still waiting outside
to see if you'll come out.
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302. I know. They've been there all day.
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303. Looks like my little girl
has a lot of gentlemen callers.
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304. Mom, why is everyone acting
so different around me?
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305. Sweetie, you're just blossoming
into a woman.
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306. But I don't know if I want to.
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307. Sometimes I think I'm not
as smart and cool as they say.
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308. That everyone just tells me I am
because of my hooters.
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309. Sweetie, you're a Stevens.
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310. And Stevens women are always told
they're really, really smart.
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311. Mom, what's six times eight?
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312. Oh, sweetie.
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313. Those are two completely
different numbers.
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314. All right, boys. Time to be getting home.
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315. Bebe's not feeling well,
and she can't come out today.
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316. Go on. Shoo.
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317. - We made it!
- Boys, can you call 911 for us?
Copy !req
318. Oh, my God! We've landed on Earth
thousands of years in the future
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319. and apes have taken over!
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320. I knew it! You blew it up, didn't you?
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321. I don't want to live
in this futuristic madness.
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322. Take your ape world and go to hell!
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323. Having boobs sucks.
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324. Well, hello there, little girl.
My name is Dr. Hallis.
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325. What can I do for you today?
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326. I want to have breast reduction surgery.
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327. - You?
- Yes.
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328. I have $212 in nickels
and a gold bracelet.
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329. Well, young lady,
I'm afraid that we don't offer
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330. breast reduction surgery
to girls of your age.
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331. Why not?
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332. Britney Spears got fake ones
when she was a teenager.
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333. Why can't I have mine taken off?
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334. Because making breasts larger
is a beautiful and wonderful thing.
Copy !req
335. Making them smaller is insane.
Copy !req
336. I think it's insane to want them bigger.
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337. Why do you hate your beasts so?
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338. Ever since I got these stupid things,
everyone treats me differently!
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339. I feel like I might be treated differently
the rest of my life!
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340. Oh, come on now. That's just silly.
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341. Here's the Anderson file, Doctor.
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342. Oh, awesome.
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343. Thank you so much, Jillian.
That's great.
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344. Oh, God damn, thank you so much.
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345. And here's the coffee
you wanted, Doctor.
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346. Yeah, whatever. Get out of here.
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347. Now, I was saying?
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348. Please, you have to help me!
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349. I think that if my breasts keep
growing this way,
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350. boys will give me whatever I want.
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351. Yeah, so? That's great, isn't it?
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352. No, it's not! Because if I grow up
getting everything I want,
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353. having things made easy for me
because I have hot knockers,
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354. then I'm gonna grow up
to be a lame person.
Copy !req
355. If I'm handed everything in life,
then my chances
Copy !req
356. of becoming a lawyer
or a marine biologist are zero.
Copy !req
357. That may be true, but I'm afraid
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358. I just cannot ethically perform
a breast reduction surgery
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359. - On an eight-year-old girl!
- Damn it!
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360. If, on the other hand,
you'd like to make them a little bigger,
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361. I think now might be
the right time to size up.
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362. Oh, off!
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363. Randy, could you have
a talk with Stanley?
Copy !req
364. - Why? What's the matter with him?
- It's just that...
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365. Well, he's been acting
a little different lately.
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366. He's been ignoring his homework
and all of his friends.
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367. I can't figure out why.
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368. Oh, boy. Looks like he's
starting to notice breasts.
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369. Oh, yes.
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370. Our little Stanley
is starting to become a man.
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371. Hey, there, son.
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372. Yes, "Atahh."
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373. Let's have a talk, Stan.
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374. Stan, as you get older, boobs,
these "Atahh,"
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375. will start becoming
a major part of your life.
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376. But, Stanley, you can't let them
get in the way of your friends.
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377. There are a lot of boobs out there, son.
But they're just boobs.
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378. Your friends are forever.
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379. Friends.
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380. I know you think this set of boobs
is important now,
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381. but those boobs will be replaced
by another set of boobs.
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382. Boobs will come and go.
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383. And, then, someday,
you'll meet a pair of boobs
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384. that you want to marry.
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385. And those become the boobs
that matter the most.
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386. I love you.
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387. If you can just understand that, Stanley,
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388. you'll see that boobs
hold no real power at all.
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389. The boys are at war.
All is going as planned.
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390. Yes. Soon all the boys will be
brought to their knees.
Copy !req
391. We grow larger every day.
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392. And stronger.
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393. - Soon, the entire town...
- She's awake!
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394. Oh! Quiet!
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395. Mom! Mom!
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396. - What is it, Bebe?
- My breasts!
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397. Oh, sweetheart,
you're just becoming a young lady.
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398. No! They're conspiring!
Mom, they were talking!
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399. They want to destroy the town!
Copy !req
400. Yes, darling, your breasts have a power
that will unleash itself as you get older.
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401. They feed off the misery of boys,
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402. and grow to bring woe
wherever they can.
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403. You're blossoming into a woman.
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404. That does it!
I'm not letting these things run my life!
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405. Young lady, are you absolutely sure
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406. you want to consider this kind
of procedure for your breasts?
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407. - Yes, I want to get breast implants.
- I tried to tell her she was too young.
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408. Well, it is a different time,
Mrs. Testaberger.
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409. Society puts a lot of pressure
on your daughter to look her best.
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410. Having small breasts
can make her feel unimportant.
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411. But she's eight.
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412. Yes, well, not too young to feel flat,
and, therefore, not pretty.
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413. That's what I said.
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414. However, young lady, I'm afraid
breast implants are not for everyone.
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415. I'll need to carefully assess
your physical and mental condition
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416. to see if augmentation
is truly the best way for you to go.
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417. I have $3,000, cash.
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418. You pass. Let's do this thing.
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419. Oh, wait. You're gonna do it right now?
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420. Sure. Breast augmentation is now
a very simple procedure.
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421. What we do is make a small incision
in the armpit,
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422. where it won't be seen.
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423. Then we take this little plastic bag
and gently place it in the chest,
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424. where we fill it with saltwater.
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425. I still don't know about this.
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426. Look, us plastic surgeons
have one philosophy.
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427. If we can help someone's
self-esteem a little,
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428. then why not do it if they have $3,000?
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429. Just gotta jam it up there!
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430. Get in there, you bitch!
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431. Okay, there's one, Wendy. Doing great.
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432. M'kay, kids, we need to talk about
your failing grades.
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433. Bebe! Where Bebe?
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434. - Bebe!
- Bebe!
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435. - Fire bad!
- Fire!
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436. M'kay, we all have to start
studying more and fighting less, m'kay?
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437. Hey, guys.
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438. Have you guys noticed that Bebe
isn't as cool as she used to be?
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439. Yeah. What the hell happened to us?
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440. Oh, my God! I get it now!
It was Bebe's boobs!
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441. Bebe's boobs?
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442. Oh, cool! It worked!
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443. Don't you guys see?
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444. Boobs do something to our brains.
They fill our brains with illusions.
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445. So, Bebe didn't become
smart and cool? It was just her boobs?
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446. Yes!
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447. So, Bebe's actually just as lame
as she ever was?
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448. Right!
My boobs just clouded your judgement.
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449. But that sucks.
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450. I don't want something to have
that much power over me.
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451. I don't think it will, you guys,
as long as we realise it.
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452. We must learn to control
their power over us.
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453. Yeah! Screw boobs! They're stupid!
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454. I'm sorry for fighting, you guys.
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455. - I'm sorry.
- Dude, I'm sorry.
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456. Oh, that's so sweet.
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457. Let's never let boobs
come between us again!
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458. - Hear, hear!
- Boobs are stupid!
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459. Hi, everybody!
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460. Look at those ridiculous things!
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461. They're all hard and oogy!
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462. What a stupid bitch!
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