1. Okay now, lift your
chin a little.
Copy !req
2. Look right here,
right here.
Copy !req
3. Hey, where's my smile?
Copy !req
4. Come on, I bet you got
a smile for me.
Copy !req
5. I'm starting to
see a smile.
Copy !req
6. There it is.
Copy !req
7. Okay, great, next!
Copy !req
8. I didn't smile.
Copy !req
9. I hate picture day
at school!
Copy !req
10. It's always some gay-ass
photographer
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11. with some gay-ass
backdrop of New England.
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12. Hang on a second.
Copy !req
13. My mom said to make sure
I look good this time
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14. in the school pictures.
Copy !req
15. Okay, smile.
Copy !req
16. Okay, next.
Copy !req
17. Did you go yet?
- No.
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18. This is taking forever.
Copy !req
19. You guys, you guys,
this is so funny!
Copy !req
20. What, Cartman?
Copy !req
21. Dude, check it out.
Copy !req
22. For picture day, Kenny got
into his parka backwards
Copy !req
23. so that his ass shows
through his hood, look!
Copy !req
24. Kenny, come over here.
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25. It isn't that
funny, Cartman.
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26. Yes, it is.
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27. Next in line.
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28. Come on, let's keep it
moving kids.
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29. Don't listen to
that Jew, Kenny.
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30. It's totally funny.
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31. Take off your
hat, please.
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32. But I never
take off my hat.
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33. Come on now,
I bet your parents
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34. want a picture of you
looking natural.
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35. This is how I
look natural.
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36. Kyle, we're taking pictures
without hats today!
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37. Crap.
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38. Smile!
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39. Come on,
where's that smile?
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40. Is it gonna kill ya
to smile?
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41. I see a smile.
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42. Next!
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43. Gay-ass.
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44. Very nice.
Okay, last one.
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45. Uh-oh.
Copy !req
46. Okay, have a seat,
young man.
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47. Okay, looking great.
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48. Now, where's that smile?
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49. Come on, give me
a nice wide smile.
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50. Wider.
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51. Perfect.
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52. How long 'til we get
the pictures back?
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53. Should be about four days.
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54. Four days, oh man,
I can't wait that long!
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55. Come on, come on,
come on, come on...
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56. Alright class, I have your
school photos to hand out.
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57. Yes, yes!
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58. Most of them
are very nice.
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59. But, apparently
one of you
Copy !req
60. thinks it's fun to spoil
their school pictures
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61. and thinks he's a comedian.
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62. That person will be
spending the afternoon
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63. in the principal's
office.
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64. School photos aren't
for joking around,
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65. so you aren't getting
your photos back
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66. Butters!
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67. Me?
But I didn't do nothin'.
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68. For the rest of you,
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69. I think your pictures
turned out very nicely.
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70. But—
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71. But hey,
wait a minute.
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72. Let me see!
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73. But, teacher, I didn't mean
to look stupid in my picture,
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74. honest!
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75. Dude, dude,
check it out.
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76. This is the sweetest thing
I've ever done.
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77. You've ever done?
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78. Look how the crack is
centered right in the middle!
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79. Eric, calm down,
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80. I'm trying to
yell at Butters.
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81. OK, OK, I'm sorry,
Miss Chokson-rocks.
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82. You know very well my name
isn't Chokson-rocks,
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83. it's Choksondik!
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84. Say it right or you can go to
the principal with Butters.
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85. I'm sorry,
Miss Choksondik.
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86. I tried to make
a good picture, honest.
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87. Your mother is waiting for you
in the principal's office.
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88. My mom?
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89. Oh, sweet Jesus.
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90. Oh, oh my God.
Copy !req
91. More people have to see
this picture, you guys.
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92. I've gotta to put it
on the internet.
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93. No, wait.
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94. Kenny, I just had the
greatest idea, ever.
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95. Welcome to South Park Milk Company,
Copy !req
96. Can I help you?
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97. Oh, yes, hello.
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98. I am helping out a family
who has a missing child,
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99. and I was wondering if
you could print his photo
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100. on your milk cartons?
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101. Oh, of course.
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102. Printing those photos on
our milk really does help.
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103. Do you have the photo
with you?
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104. Yes, I have it
right h'nyah.
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105. Okay, great.
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106. We'll print it
immediately.
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107. You will?
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108. Thank you for your help.
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109. Sure.
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110. If I could just get a
description of the child
Copy !req
111. to print underneath
the photo.
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112. Description... Oh, yes.
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113. He has blonde hair.
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114. And a brown eye.
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115. A brown eye.
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116. Okay, brown eye.
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117. And big, rosy cheeks.
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118. Full cheeks.
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119. Full cheeks!
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120. Winking brown eye,
brown eye's winking.
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121. Ms. Hamilton was
the fourth person
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122. to be run over by a
motorcycle this week,
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123. leaving a city to ponder,
"who will be next?"
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124. Hello?
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125. You guys, you guys...
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126. Hello?
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127. Cartman?
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128. Hurry.
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129. What's he want?
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130. I don't know,
let's go see.
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131. Why'd you call us?
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132. Come on, come on.
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133. It's so sweet.
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134. You guys, Stan,
here, this is so sweet.
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135. God damn it,
Cartman, what?
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136. You put Kenny's picture
on a milk carton?
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137. Look at the
descriptions.
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138. Brown eye!
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139. That isn't funny,
Cartman.
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140. Oh, it's so
completely funny.
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141. It's totally funny.
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142. No, it's not, Cartman.
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143. You know, there really
are couples out there
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144. who are missing children.
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145. No there aren't.
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146. Jesus, grow up,
you guys.
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147. Oh, my god...
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148. Oh, my God!
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149. Steven, Steven,
come quick!
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150. What is it, Martha?
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151. Look, it's him.
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152. It's... our son.
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153. Our son?
Copy !req
154. and so that's when I called
out to my husband.
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155. I just knew the boy pictured
on your milk carton
Copy !req
156. was our little Tommy.
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157. Yes, I see.
Copy !req
158. But the child on the milk carton
was reported missing,
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159. not found.
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160. We realize that.
Copy !req
161. But we just thought
that maybe someone else
Copy !req
162. had found Tommy and then
lost him again.
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163. We're pretty certain
that it's our boy,
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164. considering his physical
appearance.
Copy !req
165. Martha and I have
the same condition.
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166. Right.
Copy !req
167. You may not have
realized it,
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168. but we actually have buttocks
where our heads should be.
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169. Really?
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170. Yes.
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171. Steve and I have
a condition called
Copy !req
172. "Torsonic Polarity
Syndrome".
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173. It's a birth defect that's
passed on genetically.
Copy !req
174. over 11 people worldwide
suffer from T.P.S.
Copy !req
175. Mmm, mmm,
that's amazing.
Copy !req
176. Martha and I were lucky
enough to meet each other
Copy !req
177. at a T.P.S. Convention
in France.
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178. So, ah, do you
have heads
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179. down where your
rear end should be?
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180. No, no,
don't be silly.
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181. You see, with T.P.S. the birth
defect is on the exterior only.
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182. Behind this we still have
all our vital head organs—
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183. tongue, eyes,
nasal passages.
Copy !req
184. well, Mr. and Mrs...
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185. Uh, Thompson.
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186. Thompson.
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187. I'll contact the young boy
who gave me the photo,
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188. and perhaps we can all
visit him together.
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189. Oh, wonderful!
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190. Steven, we're going
to see Tommy again.
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191. Now, Martha,
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192. What did I say about
getting your hopes up?
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193. You're right,
You're right.
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194. Okay, Cartman, what do
you want this time?
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195. Oh, you guys, you guys.
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196. Oh my God.
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197. Okay, okay, so
get this, get this.
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198. The milk company
calls me, right?
Copy !req
199. They call me and say that
two people from Wisconsin
Copy !req
200. saw the picture of Kenny
on the milk carton
Copy !req
201. and they think
it's their kid.
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202. Dude, that's not funny if
they're missing their son.
Copy !req
203. No, no, no, no.
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204. Because apparently
these two people
Copy !req
205. also kind of look like
they have butts
Copy !req
206. where their heads
should be.
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207. Nah-uh!
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208. Oh, yes!
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209. And the best part is,
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210. they're coming here
to my house—
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211. and it is gonna be
so funny!
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212. Oh, jeez, that's
probably them now.
Copy !req
213. Okay, you guys,
just play it good.
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214. Just, shh, no,
you guys.
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215. Okay, okay-shh...
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216. Hello,
we're Mr. and Mrs. Thompson.
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217. Eh.
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218. Holy crap, dude.
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219. No way!
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220. We understand you've
seen our son.
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221. Uh, is this the
right address?
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222. I, I don't...
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223. Cartman, where are
you going?
Copy !req
224. Excuse me, do you boys know
anything about this?
Copy !req
225. Ah, uhh...
- Oh, boy.
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226. Look, if you want
an explanation,
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227. you better go
to Kenny's house.
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228. Yeah, he lives about
four houses away
Copy !req
229. on the
bad side of town.
Copy !req
230. Oh, thank you,
thank you!
Copy !req
231. Well?
Copy !req
232. They said to inquire
four houses down.
Copy !req
233. Let's hurry!
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234. Cartman, what the
hell you doing?
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235. Yeah, you missed them
turning around.
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236. You guys,
something's wrong.
Copy !req
237. What?
Copy !req
238. I think I just saw the
funniest thing I'll ever see.
Copy !req
239. And I think...
I blew a funny fuse.
Copy !req
240. Blew a funny fuse?
Copy !req
241. it was just too much, and my
sense of humor overloaded.
Copy !req
242. I don't think anything will
ever be funny again.
Copy !req
243. Oh God, what have I done?
Copy !req
244. You mean they both have
butts instead of heads?
Copy !req
245. Yeah, dude, we'll show you.
They're over at Kenny's.
Copy !req
246. How do they eat?
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247. How the hell
should we know?
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248. Butters,
hey, Butters!
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249. You gotta
check this out!
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250. What?
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251. You gotta come to
Kenny's house with us.
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252. There's these two people
who have asses
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253. where their heads
should be.
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254. Ah, I can't fellas.
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255. I'm grounded for looking
stupid in my school picture.
Copy !req
256. But, dude, you gotta see,
it's hysterical!
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257. Butters can't come out
and play, boys.
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258. He thinks it's funny
to look like a jackass
Copy !req
259. in his school pictures
that I have to pay for.
Copy !req
260. But I told you, Mom,
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261. I didn't mean to look
like a jackass.
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262. It just happened.
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263. You made a goofy face.
- No!
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264. That's just what
I look like.
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265. See?
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266. Don't you make that face
at me young man.
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267. I'm not making
a face, Mom!
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268. Stop it!
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269. Come on, we wanna
see the ass people.
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270. Alright.
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271. Fine, Butters,
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272. if you don't wanna stop making
that stupid face at me,
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273. you can just stay in your room
for another week.
Copy !req
274. Another week?
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275. I hate my
stupid face.
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276. Okay, Eric,
as your counselor,
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277. I want you to feel comfortable
talking about anything, m'kay?
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278. Mr. Mackey, is it possible
Copy !req
279. that you can see something
so funny
Copy !req
280. that it ruins your
sense of humor forever?
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281. Well, I can't think
of anything
Copy !req
282. that would be that funny.
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283. Two people with
asses for heads.
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284. Ever since I saw them,
I can't laugh at anything.
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285. Oh, I see.
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286. Well, what did you
used to think was funny?
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287. You know, all the
usual stuff—
Copy !req
288. dirty jokes, funny movies,
seeing someone die.
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289. This morning I even saw
a little girl
Copy !req
290. get her fingers caught
in a car door,
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291. and I couldn't laugh.
Copy !req
292. I mean, I knew it was funny,
but I couldn't laugh.
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293. Well, Eric, I suppose that
just like everything else,
Copy !req
294. laughter can be relative.
Copy !req
295. In other words, sometimes
people see something so scary
Copy !req
296. that nothing else scares them,
Copy !req
297. so the same could be true
for funny things.
Copy !req
298. So does that mean
I'll never laugh again?
Copy !req
299. It's possible, m'kay.
Copy !req
300. But, y'know,
if you have completely lost
Copy !req
301. your sense of humor,
Copy !req
302. you can always become a writer
for the show Friends.
Copy !req
303. M'kay.
Copy !req
304. Euh!
Copy !req
305. And so you see, our son
was just playing a joke,
Copy !req
306. and the little fat kid
put it on the milk carton.
Copy !req
307. Yes, yes, I see.
Copy !req
308. Kenny, don't you think you owe
the Thompsons an apology?
Copy !req
309. No, it was foolish for us
to get our hopes up.
Copy !req
310. It was just such a coincidence
considering the photo.
Copy !req
311. You may not have
realized this,
Copy !req
312. but Martha and I have buttocks
where our heads should be.
Copy !req
313. Really?
- Really?
Copy !req
314. Mr. and Mrs. Thompson,
Copy !req
315. how long has it been since
you've seen your son?
Copy !req
316. Tommy disappeared
when he was only seven.
Copy !req
317. Oh, Steven!
Copy !req
318. It's like it's all
happening all over again.
Copy !req
319. There, there now.
Copy !req
320. Please, Mrs. Thompson,
it'll be alright.
Copy !req
321. Listen, the South Park
Milk Company
Copy !req
322. is the country's largest.
Copy !req
323. We find lost children
all the time.
Copy !req
324. We can help you find Tommy with
the milk company's database!
Copy !req
325. Yes, we'll all help you
find your son.
Copy !req
326. Just stop crying.
Copy !req
327. Please, for the love of God,
stop crying!
Copy !req
328. I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
Copy !req
329. Mr. Thompson, how did your
son become missing,
Copy !req
330. was he abducted?
Copy !req
331. Yes, he was in the care
of our nanny at the time.
Copy !req
332. The nanny that we trusted
so much took off with him,
Copy !req
333. and we still don't know why.
Copy !req
334. We think perhaps she wanted
a child of her own.
Copy !req
335. And this was back
in Wisconsin?
Copy !req
336. Yes, but we last heard
the nanny was heading west.
Copy !req
337. That's why we thought
Colorado made sense.
Copy !req
338. We tried every avenue
to find him,
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339. but we never tried
the milk company.
Copy !req
340. Well, you just
give us a try,
Copy !req
341. I think that you'll find
that South Park milk
Copy !req
342. is not the only the best
resource for finding kids,
Copy !req
343. but also the best producer
of the freshest
Copy !req
344. 2% low-fat milk the
world can offer.
Copy !req
345. Thank you.
Copy !req
346. Thank you so much
for helping us.
Copy !req
347. This certainly is
a friendly town.
Copy !req
348. You've all been
so wonderful.
Copy !req
349. Yes, I'm so grateful,
I just wanna cry again.
Copy !req
350. No!
Copy !req
351. Dude, why are you wearing
Shalana's panties?
Copy !req
352. I had to wear
Shalana's panties,
Copy !req
353. Lisa's were
in the wash!
Copy !req
354. Look, can we just
get this over with?
Copy !req
355. But, dude, I can't
French kiss him,
Copy !req
356. he's my grandpa!
Copy !req
357. Come on, dude.
Copy !req
358. Oh, alright,
here it goes.
Copy !req
359. Come here, grandpa.
Copy !req
360. Ohh!
Copy !req
361. Oh, dude, oh.
Copy !req
362. Dude, what's wrong
with you?
Copy !req
363. Nothing's wrong with me.
Copy !req
364. Well, I'm glad
that's over with.
Copy !req
365. We better go back to the house
now to see how Chris is doing.
Copy !req
366. Heh heh.
Copy !req
367. Hey... Ooh.
Copy !req
368. Mr. and Mrs. Thompson,
Copy !req
369. as president of the
South Park Milk Company,
Copy !req
370. I want to apologize
personally
Copy !req
371. for printing that falsified
picture on our milk cartons.
Copy !req
372. Please, please,
it's not your fault.
Copy !req
373. Yes, but here
at South Park Milk,
Copy !req
374. we strive for excellence.
Copy !req
375. For instance, we are now
entering the extraction room.
Copy !req
376. As you can see,
Copy !req
377. we keep it close to the
refrigeration room.
Copy !req
378. That way we can get
the milk to the container
Copy !req
379. as fast as possible.
Copy !req
380. That's why some say
South Park Milk
Copy !req
381. tastes like
you're sucking it
Copy !req
382. right from the cow's
tits yourself.
Copy !req
383. Amazing.
Copy !req
384. Here, try a glass of
our cold Vitamin "D"
Copy !req
385. and our fresh scones.
Copy !req
386. Delicious.
Copy !req
387. Oh, excuse me,
Copy !req
388. a little difficult to
drink with our condition.
Copy !req
389. Martha and I actually
have buttocks
Copy !req
390. where our heads
should be.
Copy !req
391. Really?
Copy !req
392. Well, and in here
we have our
Copy !req
393. missing child
resource center.
Copy !req
394. Oh, my, isn't
this impressive.
Copy !req
395. Yes, with
the Cowron 4000,
Copy !req
396. Mrs. Garthunk can
search a database
Copy !req
397. of over 30 million
missing child cases.
Copy !req
398. We'll start the computer
on a data search.
Copy !req
399. Now, when did your son
turn up missing?
Copy !req
400. Well, it was 1982.
Copy !req
401. Tommy was only
six at the time.
Copy !req
402. Alright then.
Copy !req
403. Computer!
Copy !req
404. Working!
Copy !req
405. Run a scan of missing
children since 1982.
Copy !req
406. Check for physical birth
defects called T.P.S.
Copy !req
407. T.P.S., Torsonic
Polarity Syndrome,
Copy !req
408. plus missing since
1982, working!
Copy !req
409. So you actually haven't seen
your son in over 20 years?
Copy !req
410. That's right.
Copy !req
411. But then why did you think
the picture of Kenny was him?
Copy !req
412. Wouldn't your son
be much older now?
Copy !req
413. Yes, but since he appeared
to be at least
Copy !req
414. eight in the photo...
Copy !req
415. we assumed someone had
seen him since we had.
Copy !req
416. This is the only photo
we have of our little Tommy.
Copy !req
417. It's gonna take quite a while
for the computer
Copy !req
418. to do a scan of
all missing kids.
Copy !req
419. Well, why don't we let
Miss Garthunk do her work,
Copy !req
420. and I'll let you two out for
some good ol' Colorado chili.
Copy !req
421. We don't really like chili.
It makes us throw up.
Copy !req
422. Well, hello, Eric.
Copy !req
423. I was really glad you
called me, very much.
Copy !req
424. Jimmy, thank God,
get in here!
Copy !req
425. What's this all about?
Copy !req
426. Jimmy, you've always been my
favorite stand-up comic.
Copy !req
427. You've gotta help me,
I've lost my sense of humor.
Copy !req
428. Gee, that's a
terrible thing, Eric.
Copy !req
429. Comedy can be the best
therapy, very much.
Copy !req
430. I just have to find
my funny bone again.
Copy !req
431. Just try and make me laugh.
Copy !req
432. Oh, I don't think
that will be hard.
Copy !req
433. I've been working
on my routine.
Copy !req
434. Okay, let me have it.
Copy !req
435. Okay, try this one
on for size.
Copy !req
436. Why did the pigeon
cross the road?
Copy !req
437. Okay, why?
Copy !req
438. Because he was having
sex with the chick...
Copy !req
439. Because he was having sex
with the ch-chick...
Copy !req
440. Because he was having
sex with the ch-ch-ch...
Copy !req
441. He was having sex
with the chicken.
Copy !req
442. Nah, see, something's
wrong, I'm not laughing.
Copy !req
443. Wow, what a great
audience.
Copy !req
444. How about this classic?
Copy !req
445. Knock knock.
- Who's there?
Copy !req
446. Orange.
- Orange who?
Copy !req
447. Orange you glad
I didn't say b...
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448. Orange you glad
I didn't say ba...
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449. Orange you glad
I didn't say ba-n...
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450. Orange you glad
I didn't say ba-nana?
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451. No, that didn't
work either.
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452. Wow, what a great
audience.
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453. Knock knock.
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454. Who's there?
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455. An interrupting cow.
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456. An interrupting cow who...
- Moo!
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457. What a terrific audience.
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458. Ah, let's see.
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459. The Dallas-Fort Worth area,
I haven't tried there yet.
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460. Computer?
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461. Working.
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462. Scan for any children
reported found
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463. In the Dallas-Fort Worth area
with a facial deformity.
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464. Working.
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465. Negative.
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466. Oh, this is hopeless.
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467. Wait a minute,
let's try it this way.
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468. Computer!
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469. Working.
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470. Scan data banks
for children
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471. who reported their
parents missing.
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472. Working.
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473. 1,006,000 hits.
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474. Alright, then break it down
to claims in the past 20 years.
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475. Working.
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476. 321,000 hits.
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477. Alright, now run a scan
on homogenized
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478. versus pasteurized
skim milk.
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479. In skim form, homogenized
has longer shelf life
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480. by 2.3 weeks.
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481. Okay, okay.
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482. Now give me a breakdown
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483. of people who are
seeking their parents
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484. who also suffer from
a disease called T.P.S.
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485. Torsonic Polarity Syndrome
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486. plus a claim
not to know parents.
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487. One match.
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488. Bingo.
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489. Do you have a photo?
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490. Printing!
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491. My God!
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492. Oh, my God.
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493. Butters,
hey, Butters!
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494. Hey, yeah?
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495. They found the butt-face
people's son, Butters.
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496. They're gonna have a big
reunion at the milk company.
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497. Oh, gee, that sounds
swell, fellas.
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498. But I can't go, 'cause I'm still
having behavioral problems.
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499. Why are you wearing
a paper bag on your head?
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500. My parents are making me wear
this paper bag on my head
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501. until I learn to stop making
silly faces all the time.
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502. They really had it
up to here with me.
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503. Butters, are you ready to stop
with the stupid faces?
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504. I sure am, Dad.
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505. Alright, you can
take the paper bag off.
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506. Thanks, Dad.
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507. I'm sorry I was bad.
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508. Oh, very funny, young man!
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509. You think it's clever to make
yourself up like a girl?
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510. But dad, I didn't—
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511. Did you use your
mother's makeup?
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512. She's gonna be furious.
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513. I'm not wearing
makeup, dad.
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514. Put that bag back on!
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515. Yes, sir.
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516. Dude, that
poor kid.
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517. Yeah, we gotta remember
to kick his ass tomorrow.
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518. Dear mom,
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519. I can no longer stand to be
without a sense of humor.
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520. Without laughter, the world
is a cold and sad place.
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521. And I can't go out
to face it anymore.
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522. Please tell everyone why
I won't be at school.
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523. And please buy me
more chocolate guns.
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524. I'm starting to run out.
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525. Please get the kind with
marshmallow inside.
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526. I don't like the
peanut butter filled one.
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527. - Eric.
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528. And so it is
with great pride
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529. that we have flown little
Billy Thompson out here
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530. to be reunited with his parents
for the first time in 20 years.
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531. Mrs. Garthunk.
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532. Thank you, Mr. President.
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533. I'm proud to be an employee
of South Park Milk,
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534. which to date has found
over 100,000 missing kids
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535. and led the way in the fight
against curdling.
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536. Mr. and Mrs. Thompson,
your son grew up
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537. not knowing who his
parents were.
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538. But he was strong
and resilient
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539. and ended up becoming
very successful.
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540. I think it will amaze you
as it will all of us to learn
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541. that your son...
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542. Is Ben Affleck.
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543. Come on out here,
Ben!
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544. Mom, Dad!
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545. Son!
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546. Oh, son!
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547. What's going on?
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548. Dude, the ass-faces' son
is Ben Affleck.
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549. Oh, our little Ben.
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550. Oh, I'm so happy.
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551. Wow, I never realized
Ben had T.P.S.,
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552. but I definitely see
the resemblance now.
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553. Oh, son.
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554. Isn't this wonderful?
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555. Okay, gang,
give me a big smile.
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556. Well, looks like everything
turned out alright for them.
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557. Yeah, I guess now we'll have
to call him Ben Ass-fleck.
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558. Ben Ass-fleck,
that's funny!
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559. Hey, you're laughing,
Cartman.
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560. Hey, you're right.
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561. Oh, this is great—
Ben Ass-fleck!
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562. Wait a minute, don't you
see what happened?
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563. What?
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564. Everything turned out
okay for those people.
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565. And so now
you can laugh.
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566. Huh?
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567. When Cartman first
opened the door
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568. and saw the Thompsons,
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569. He felt bad for playing
a joke on them.
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570. Now that everything's
turned out alright,
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571. he's able to laugh.
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572. Whoa, you're right.
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573. Cartman had a feeling
of remorse.
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574. No, no, no,
I blew a funny fuse.
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575. there is no such thing
as a funny fuse, Cartman.
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576. You felt bad!
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577. Whatever, all I know is
I can laugh again.
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578. I'm gonna go home and eat
another chocolate gun.
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579. Come on, Kenny!
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580. Wow, Cartman actually
felt bad for somebody
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581. and couldn't laugh at them.
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582. Our little man is
growing up, Stan.
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583. He's growing up.
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584. Yeah, I guess we all are.
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585. Maybe things are
finally gonna start
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586. getting more sophisticated
around here.
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587. Oh, son.
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