1. Doctor, doctor, will
our daughter be okay?Copy !req
2. I am sorry,
Mr. And Mrs. Keller,Copy !req
3. but I'm afraid
your daughter HelenCopy !req
4. still cannot see,
hear or speak.Copy !req
5. Oh, no, no!Copy !req
6. Ere, ere my good ife.Copy !req
7. There is nothing
we can do.Copy !req
8. Oh, my poor
little Helen!Copy !req
9. Timmy!Copy !req
10. She can't see
or hear us, John!Copy !req
11. Hagh, Timmy!Copy !req
12. Es, erhaps she shoul
go do an asyluh.Copy !req
13. Stan, what the hell is wrong with you, I can't
understand your lines!Copy !req
14. Cuz de eard
urts my face!Copy !req
15. Can we take
a lunch break now?Copy !req
16. No, if we want our play to be better than
the kindergartner's play,Copy !req
17. we have to rehearse
as much as possible!Copy !req
18. Now let's continue
the scene!Copy !req
19. Hello, my name is
Anne SullivanCopy !req
20. and I believe I can teach
this child to communicate.Copy !req
21. Eally, you hink so?Copy !req
22. Water, Helen,
wa-ter.Copy !req
23. Hagh, Timmy!Copy !req
24. Dammit, Timmy, Helen Keller
isn't supposed to talk!Copy !req
25. You guys, we've got
a big problem!Copy !req
26. What is it, Butters?Copy !req
27. The kindergartners, I just came
from their dress rehearsal!Copy !req
28. Oh it's good, you guys,
it's real good!Copy !req
29. How good?Copy !req
30. They've got Pilgrim outfits
and Indian ones too!Copy !req
31. They've got singing and
dancing, and boy, you've
never seen such a show!Copy !req
32. Why, it's a Thanksgiving
extravaganza!Copy !req
33. Oh no!Copy !req
34. We can't be outdone
by the kindergartners!Copy !req
35. No!
- We can't!Copy !req
36. Alright, alright,
quiet down!Copy !req
37. Look, we've still
got four days until
the Thanksgiving festival.Copy !req
38. That's plenty of time
to revamp our play!Copy !req
39. Revamp how, the rules are
that the fourth-grade classCopy !req
40. has to perform
"The Helen Keller story"!Copy !req
41. Yeah, but nobody told us
how we have to do it.Copy !req
42. We can add Thanksgiving stuff
and music numbers too!Copy !req
43. Well, we can
add music numbers,Copy !req
44. but how do we make
the Helen Keller story
more Thanksgiving-y?Copy !req
45. I know, how about
instead of a dog...Copy !req
46. Helen Keller has
a pet turkey!Copy !req
47. Yeah, a turkey that
can do tricks!Copy !req
48. Yeah!
- That's the spirit, gang!Copy !req
49. Alright, Stan and Wendy,
you go out and find some
musical instruments!Copy !req
50. Kenny and Clyde
take some kidsCopy !req
51. and buy some Thanksgiving
decorations for the sets!Copy !req
52. Kyle and Timmy, you go out
and find a turkey!Copy !req
53. This is gonna be
the best version of
"The Miracle Worker" ever!Copy !req
54. Yea!
Yea!Copy !req
55. What kind of turkey
are you looking for?Copy !req
56. A smart one that
can do tricks!Copy !req
57. Well, I ain't got a whole
lot left, it being almost
Thanksgiving and all.Copy !req
58. But go ahead,
just pick one out.Copy !req
59. Timmy!Copy !req
60. Oh, that one's
a little messed up.Copy !req
61. Not exactly the pick
of the litter.Copy !req
62. Hahgh!Copy !req
63. Uh, Timmy, if we go back to
other kids with that turkey,Copy !req
64. they're gonna be pissed.Copy !req
65. Timmy!Copy !req
66. Yeah, best you not
take that one.Copy !req
67. I was just about to take it
out in the yard and put
a bullet in its head.Copy !req
68. What, aw, dude,
don't say that!Copy !req
69. Timmy, Timmy!Copy !req
70. Alright, we'll take him,
how much?
- Fifty bucks.Copy !req
71. But you were just gonna
take it in the backyard and
put a bullet in its head!Copy !req
72. I know, now I gotta find
something else to shoot!Copy !req
73. Goddammit, here!Copy !req
74. Alright, Timmy,
let's go.Copy !req
75. I've got a one-legged pig
if you'd like, too.Copy !req
76. Aw, blow it
out your ass!Copy !req
77. Guys, I want you all to
meet Geoffrey Maynard.Copy !req
78. He's South Park's biggest
expert on musical theaterCopy !req
79. and he played the lead
in Les MiserablesCopy !req
80. at the Denver community
playhouse for five weeks!Copy !req
81. Do you think we can make up
a good Thanksgiving play
in four days?Copy !req
82. Hooray!
Hooray!Copy !req
83. Now, the first thing
any good musical needs is
a big opening number!Copy !req
84. Something that sets up
the entire show.Copy !req
85. Alright, places everybody,
bring in the turkey!Copy !req
86. What the hell
is that?Copy !req
87. It's a turkey.Copy !req
88. His name is Gobbles.Copy !req
89. Gobbles!Copy !req
90. And where, pray,
is our beautiful
trick-performing turkey?Copy !req
91. Um, we sort of spent all
the money on this one.Copy !req
92. Gobbles!Copy !req
93. Kyle, can I talk to you
over here for a second?Copy !req
94. Kyle, why do you do
these things to me?Copy !req
95. I didn't do
anything to you!Copy !req
96. Timmy saw the turkey
and wanted to get it.Copy !req
97. What did you want me
to say to him?Copy !req
98. You say "no, Timmy,
you can't have that
turkey, bad Timmy!"Copy !req
99. Look, I know it isn't
exactly what we wanted,
but maybe we can train it.Copy !req
100. He's not
gonna work, Kyle.Copy !req
101. The whole point is to
make our play better
than the kindergartners!Copy !req
102. Yeah, that turkey sucks.Copy !req
103. Wait...Copy !req
104. You do?Copy !req
105. Cool, can you
get it for us?Copy !req
106. Alright!
Alright!Copy !req
107. Gobbles!Copy !req
108. Gobbles!Copy !req
109. Ergh, ergh.Copy !req
110. Hargh, gobbles!Copy !req
111. Gobbles.Copy !req
112. Gobbles!Copy !req
113. No, no, no!Copy !req
114. Poopsiekins, it's late,
you need to be in bed.Copy !req
115. I can't sleep, Mom,
I have to write the lyrics
to the opening songCopy !req
116. of our Helen Keller
Thanksgiving spectacular.Copy !req
117. Now, hon.Copy !req
118. But Mom!Copy !req
119. I have to write these lyrics
so the plight of Helen KellerCopy !req
120. can be realized
by the common ma-an!Copy !req
121. Twenty more minutes
and that's it.Copy !req
122. Twenty minutes,
did Tim Rice's mom
give him twenty minutesCopy !req
123. to write the lyrics to
Phantom of the Opera?Copy !req
124. Speak to me, Helen.Copy !req
125. Let me be
your voice.Copy !req
126. Come on, you blind bitch,
channel your spirit through me!Copy !req
127. Tonight, we present the story
of a courageous girlCopy !req
128. and her fight against
depression.Copy !req
129. Oppression!Copy !req
130. Oppression.Copy !req
131. Our play begins in
a simpler time.Copy !req
132. Alabama,
in the late 1800s...Copy !req
133. Now to the refrain!Copy !req
134. Excuse me, I am Lamonde,
the animal trainer.Copy !req
135. Oh cool,
he's here!Copy !req
136. Awesome, do you have a turkey
that can do tricks?Copy !req
137. Ahp, ahp, do not
call them "tricks".Copy !req
138. She's a very
sensitive turkey,Copy !req
139. and she performs
"feats" not "tricks".Copy !req
140. Ladies and gentlemen,
may I present the most
beautiful bird in America.Copy !req
141. Four-time prize winner at
the National Western Stock ShowCopy !req
142. and reigning poster child
of turkeylovers.com.Copy !req
143. I give you...
Alinicia!Copy !req
144. Oooh!
Wow!
Whoa!Copy !req
145. Her feathers
are beautiful!Copy !req
146. That's the prettiest
turkey I ever saw.Copy !req
147. Of course she is.Copy !req
148. Okay, now we can really
get this thing underway!Copy !req
149. Places, everybody,
where the hell is Timmy?Copy !req
150. Timmy!Copy !req
151. What is that?Copy !req
152. Uh, that's Gobbles, the
physically challenged turkey.Copy !req
153. Gobbles!Copy !req
154. Gobbles?Copy !req
155. Timmy, we already
got a turkey.Copy !req
156. Yeah, and it's
from Broadway!Copy !req
157. Gobbles!Copy !req
158. No, Timmy,
the handicapped turkey
does not go in our play!Copy !req
159. Dude, don't forget,
Timmy's the only kid
who can play Helen Keller.Copy !req
160. Don't piss him off.Copy !req
161. That's right, only Timmy
knows the part.Copy !req
162. Timmy.Copy !req
163. Oh, Jesus,
okay, fine!Copy !req
164. Helen Keller can
have two pet turkeys!Copy !req
165. My turkey does not work
with other turkeys!Copy !req
166. Oh, goddammit,
now what are we gonna do?Copy !req
167. Alright, alright.Copy !req
168. Alright, alright!Copy !req
169. Dude, we need your
turkey for our play!Copy !req
170. She's not coming out,
she's very upset.Copy !req
171. She's pooped
all over the room.Copy !req
172. I know, I know,
but listen.Copy !req
173. Let me try to explain
the position I'm in here.Copy !req
174. The retarded turkey
belongs to our friend Timmy,Copy !req
175. and Timmy is
the only person who knows
the part of Helen Keller.Copy !req
176. So tell me what I can do here
to make everybody happy.Copy !req
177. Kill the other turkey.Copy !req
178. I can't, dude,
Timmy has a boner for it.Copy !req
179. Well, it could
meet with an...Copy !req
180. unfortunate accident.Copy !req
181. Unfortunate accident?Copy !req
182. You mean like Geena Davis
getting her own T.V. Show?Copy !req
183. Ha ha ha— oh...Copy !req
184. It's very simple.Copy !req
185. Either that turkey meets with
an unfortunate accident,Copy !req
186. or you don't have
a feat-performing turkeyCopy !req
187. for your Helen Keller
Thanksgiving musical!Copy !req
188. Alright, alright,
just get your turkeyCopy !req
189. to stop crapping all over
the dressing room and
come out for rehearsal.Copy !req
190. I'll take care
of everything.Copy !req
191. Water, Helen,
it has a name!Copy !req
192. Oh, why can't
you understand?Copy !req
193. Duh, agh!Copy !req
194. Okay, uh, hold it!Copy !req
195. Let's hold it
right there a second.Copy !req
196. Okay, I just want
to adjust some of
the blocking real quick.Copy !req
197. Let's see...Copy !req
198. Uh, why don't we have
turkey number twoCopy !req
199. stand just a little
more over m'yha...Copy !req
200. Let's see, maybe a little bit
more up in m'yha...Copy !req
201. And just a wee bit
over m'yha...Copy !req
202. And right about...Copy !req
203. M'hya.Copy !req
204. There we go,
good.Copy !req
205. Oh my gah,
they killed Kenny!Copy !req
206. Ooohhh!Copy !req
207. Crap, I must have rigged
the wrong light.Copy !req
208. They've got special effects!Copy !req
209. What, Butters?Copy !req
210. The kindergartners,
they've got amazing
stage effects!Copy !req
211. Pyrotechnics and
what have yous!Copy !req
212. Why, it's a regular
feast for the eyes!Copy !req
213. Oh no!Copy !req
214. We're never gonna
outdo them now!Copy !req
215. Oh no!
Special effects?Copy !req
216. Calm down, calm down!Copy !req
217. We can have
special effects too!Copy !req
218. Now I know a lot
is going wrong,Copy !req
219. but we've got to stick together
to make this play work.Copy !req
220. All of us.Copy !req
221. Gobbles!Copy !req
222. Aaahh, Gobbles!Copy !req
223. Little boy!Copy !req
224. Timmy.Copy !req
225. Yes, Tim.Copy !req
226. I feel I must
speak with you.Copy !req
227. The others, well, they don't
want you to know, but—Copy !req
228. oh, I don't know what to do,
should I tell you?Copy !req
229. Timmy?Copy !req
230. I feel I'm the only one
who can be honest with you.Copy !req
231. The animal shelter
is on its way to take
your turkey away from you.Copy !req
232. Gobbles?Copy !req
233. You see, they don't allow
children in your "situation"Copy !req
234. to have wild animals
as pets.Copy !req
235. You can't take him running,
you can't take care of him.Copy !req
236. They have to
take it away.Copy !req
237. Gobbles!Copy !req
238. They take wild pets away
from people like youCopy !req
239. and hand them over
for experiments.Copy !req
240. And they're shocked,
dissected and flayedCopy !req
241. while they're
still alive.Copy !req
242. And no matter where you go
the shelter people
will find you.Copy !req
243. The only way for that turkey
to avoid years of torture,Copy !req
244. is for you to let him go,
back into the wild.Copy !req
245. Oh no,
here they come now!Copy !req
246. Quick, go and set
your turkey free!Copy !req
247. I'll try to stall them.Copy !req
248. Timmy!Copy !req
249. Excuse me, we're here to
install the water effects
for the musical.Copy !req
250. The stage is right
through there.Copy !req
251. Thanks.Copy !req
252. Alright, I've got to
write the new lyrics.Copy !req
253. Let's see...Copy !req
254. No, no!Copy !req
255. Goddammit!Copy !req
256. Terrible, I can't write
the lyrics for the third act.Copy !req
257. Nothing's coming to me!Copy !req
258. Well, you know,
in theater sometimes
we try different tricksCopy !req
259. to get the creative
juices flowing.Copy !req
260. Like what?Copy !req
261. Let's see, Helen Keller
was blind and deaf,Copy !req
262. perhaps you should see
what it is like.Copy !req
263. Here.Copy !req
264. Hey, that's not
a bad idea.Copy !req
265. Oh, man!Copy !req
266. Well, did you
see anything?Copy !req
267. No, just the same old
crap I always see
when I close my eyes.Copy !req
268. Oh, that's too bad.Copy !req
269. Wait, I've got it!Copy !req
270. The perfect setup for when
Helen Keller's pet turkeyCopy !req
271. jumps through
the hoop of fire!Copy !req
272. Yes!Copy !req
273. Yes, I have it now!Copy !req
274. The only way for that turkey
to avoid years of torture,Copy !req
275. is for you to let him go.Copy !req
276. Let him go...
Let him go.Copy !req
277. Gobbles.Copy !req
278. Gobbles!Copy !req
279. Gobbles.Copy !req
280. Gobbles!Copy !req
281. Gobbles!Copy !req
282. Timmy.Copy !req
283. Timmy, Gobbles.Copy !req
284. Daddy, why did mommy leave
and go to heaven?Copy !req
285. She didn't want to, Kevin,
she had no choice.Copy !req
286. But I miss her.Copy !req
287. I could have done so much
more with my life, son.Copy !req
288. I've wasted it.Copy !req
289. I've wasted it.Copy !req
290. Not ever telling
you and MonicaCopy !req
291. I love you.Copy !req
292. Robbie!Copy !req
293. Robbie, no!Copy !req
294. Because now every time
I look at you...Copy !req
295. I see her.Copy !req
296. I have to move on.Copy !req
297. Kelly, please,
don't do this.Copy !req
298. I'm sorry!Copy !req
299. Then why did you do it?Copy !req
300. I don't know!Copy !req
301. Have you done the right
things in your life?Copy !req
302. Hi, Sheila!Copy !req
303. Hello, Sharon,
where's your husband?Copy !req
304. He's in the back.Copy !req
305. He set up a video camera
so that he could tape
the performance.Copy !req
306. Oh, so did Gerald.Copy !req
307. Oh yeah, I got
a great angle here.Copy !req
308. Hey Gerald,
maybe after the showCopy !req
309. we can make copies of
each other's tapes,
so we have both.Copy !req
310. Good idea!Copy !req
311. So wait...Copy !req
312. Do we do the spin around thing
on the last beat?Copy !req
313. No, ude, on ne n
and ne hree.Copy !req
314. You ready for
the big show, Timmy?Copy !req
315. Where's Gobbles, Timmy?Copy !req
316. Gobbles.Copy !req
317. Alright, everybody,
let's take our places!Copy !req
318. Cartman, where is
Timmy's turkey?Copy !req
319. I don't know.Copy !req
320. I don't know,
you guys!Copy !req
321. Alright, maybe I tried
to have Timmy's turkey
crushed by a stagelight,Copy !req
322. but I didn't do anything else,
I'm not an asshole!Copy !req
323. You're going to
be brilliant!Copy !req
324. You sexy,
gorgeous turkey.Copy !req
325. With that other meddling
animal out of the way,Copy !req
326. you'll steal the show!Copy !req
327. Well, well, what are
you doing out here?Copy !req
328. You shouldn't be out
walking the streets.Copy !req
329. Hello, parents, and welcome to
the 13th Annual South Park
Thanksgiving pageant.Copy !req
330. Every year the 4th graders
do "The Miracle Worker",Copy !req
331. and every year I have to
sit and watch it.Copy !req
332. Yeah, I swore that if I had
to see it one more time,Copy !req
333. I'd put a bullet
in my head.Copy !req
334. But luckily I got really
stoned before I came.Copy !req
335. And now here it is,
the touching story
of Helen Keller,Copy !req
336. "The Miracle Worker".Copy !req
337. This is
"The Miracle Worker"?Copy !req
338. I...Copy !req
339. Well, maybe.Copy !req
340. Ohh-oh, ha-ha,
wow!Copy !req
341. Come on,
ya, move it!Copy !req
342. Holy crow,
look, boys!Copy !req
343. A real live
wild turkey!Copy !req
344. it's trying to
outsmart us!Copy !req
345. Come on, fellas!Copy !req
346. She can't hear me,
John, watch!Copy !req
347. Helen!
Helen!Copy !req
348. Helen!Copy !req
349. Oh no!Copy !req
350. She's brilliant,
everyone loves her so far!Copy !req
351. Hey, the fountains you guys
installed are shorting out
some of our lights!Copy !req
352. Look, we're only here to
do the water effects.Copy !req
353. We're not in charge
of electrical.Copy !req
354. That's a different union.Copy !req
355. Timmy?Copy !req
356. Union mafia bastards!Copy !req
357. Oh, ha-ha.Copy !req
358. Well, look, Tim,
all's fair in love
and theater, right?Copy !req
359. Ha, ha.Copy !req
360. Gobbles!Copy !req
361. Where is Timmy,
he's on in one minute!Copy !req
362. He's gone, dude, Butters
says he saw him leave.Copy !req
363. Leave, leave?Copy !req
364. But nobody else knows
the part of Helen Keller!Copy !req
365. I do,
I know the part.Copy !req
366. If I must,
I can go on.Copy !req
367. Alright, fine,
get in costume!Copy !req
368. Gobbles!Copy !req
369. Gobbles!Copy !req
370. There it is!Copy !req
371. Hey, hey, I saw it first,
I get the first shot!Copy !req
372. Here, turkey-turkey.Copy !req
373. There is nothing we can do
for our poor daughter.Copy !req
374. We cannot reach her.Copy !req
375. What the hell is he doing,
Helen Keller isn't
supposed to sing!Copy !req
376. Oh, wow!Copy !req
377. That's it.Copy !req
378. That's it.Copy !req
379. Gobbles!Copy !req
380. Gotcha!Copy !req
381. Gobbles!Copy !req
382. Timmy?Copy !req
383. Gobbles?Copy !req
384. Gobbles!Copy !req
385. Hagh!Copy !req
386. Oh, thank God
you're alright, kid.Copy !req
387. It was an accident,
I swear!Copy !req
388. Is there any way we can
make it up to you?Copy !req
389. Timmy...Copy !req
390. Yes, that's it!Copy !req
391. That's it, Helen,
water!Copy !req
392. Wa-ter!Copy !req
393. Wa-wa!Copy !req
394. She did it!Copy !req
395. Here it comes, angel,
your big finale!Copy !req
396. The audience is going
to go wild!Copy !req
397. Oh, back already?Copy !req
398. Don't worry, Maynard covered
your part flawlessly.Copy !req
399. Timmy!Copy !req
400. Turkey shoot!Copy !req
401. Aaghgh!Copy !req
402. Alinicia,
Jesus, no!Copy !req
403. Hagh, Timmy!Copy !req
404. Okay, we're ready
for the—Copy !req
405. What the hell did
you assholes do?Copy !req
406. This is supposed
to be the big finaleCopy !req
407. where the turkey jumps
through the ring of fire!Copy !req
408. Hey, look!Copy !req
409. Oohhh!Copy !req
410. Oh wow, wow!Copy !req
411. They loved it,
they loved it!Copy !req
412. Gobbles!Copy !req
413. And finally tonight,
parents,Copy !req
414. we have the South Park
kindergarten class.Copy !req
415. Their play is titled
"Thanksgiving, Mon Ami".Copy !req
416. Okay, here we go.Copy !req
417. Oh, dude, it can't
be better than ours!Copy !req
418. It just can't be!Copy !req
419. Aaghgh!Copy !req
420. Happy Thanksgiving!Copy !req
421. Alright, see ya
next year, parents!Copy !req
422. That's it?Copy !req
423. We worked our asses off
to compete with that!Copy !req
424. Butters told us
their play was awesome!Copy !req
425. Wow, did you see that?Copy !req
426. They had a horse, too!Copy !req
427. Go-bbles, Timmy!Copy !req