1. Hold still, Ike.Copy !req
2. We have to
get you dressed.Copy !req
3. Where the heck
is Kyle!Copy !req
4. I don't know.Copy !req
5. Come on, Kyle!Copy !req
6. You're gonna be
late for Jew Scouts!Copy !req
7. Kyle!Copy !req
8. I'm coming, Ma!Copy !req
9. Go get
the door, Kyle!Copy !req
10. "Get ready",
"answer the door"!Copy !req
11. Jesus Christ,
make up your friggin' mind!Copy !req
12. Oh, hey, Kenny.Copy !req
13. Mph rm rmph rm
rmph rm rmph rm!Copy !req
14. I can't watch the
meteor shower with you, Kenny.Copy !req
15. I have to go to Jewbilee.Copy !req
16. What's that!Copy !req
17. It's what we do in Jew Scouts.Copy !req
18. Usually we just sit around
and make stuff,Copy !req
19. but tonight because
there's a meteor showerCopy !req
20. we're gonna do some big thing
out in the woods.Copy !req
21. It's gonna
suck ass, I'm sure.Copy !req
22. Oh, that's too bad.Copy !req
23. Hey, maybe you can
go with me!Copy !req
24. Then it won't suck so hard!Copy !req
25. Really!Copy !req
26. Mom, can Kenny go
to Jewbilee with me!Copy !req
27. Well, Kyle... Jewbilee
is sort of a...Copy !req
28. special thing.Copy !req
29. Oh. Kenny isn't special?Copy !req
30. Awww.Copy !req
31. No, no. You're
very special, Kenny.Copy !req
32. It's just that... well,
Jewbilee is for Jewish kids.Copy !req
33. You see, boys, Jew Scouts
is a special groupCopy !req
34. that borrows a little bit
from all different
Jewish denominations.Copy !req
35. From the Orthodox Jews,
from the Hasidic JewsCopy !req
36. from the
Northern Italy Cave Jews...Copy !req
37. But you have to believe
the basic tenets of Judaism
to be a scout.Copy !req
38. Kenny'll believe
whatever you want him to.Copy !req
39. Yeah!Copy !req
40. Kyle, the problem is...Copy !req
41. Please, Ma.Copy !req
42. I don't think Kenny has
anywhere else to be tonight.Copy !req
43. Oh alright.Copy !req
44. Just don't let any
of the elders knowCopy !req
45. that he isn't
Jewish, okay!Copy !req
46. Woo-hoo!Copy !req
47. Come on, Ike!Copy !req
48. It's time to
go to Squirts!Copy !req
49. Smrphs!Copy !req
50. You have to
be in SquirtsCopy !req
51. if you're too young
to be a Jew Scout.Copy !req
52. Don't worry, Kenny, I'll
fill you in on our faith
on the way up there.Copy !req
53. And then, Kenny,
Abraham's wife bore him
no children,Copy !req
54. She had a handmaid, an Egyptian,
whose name was Hagar.Copy !req
55. And Sarai said
unto Abraham,Copy !req
56. "behold now, the Lord hath
restrained me from bearing,Copy !req
57. I pray thee,
go into my mate."Copy !req
58. Uh-huh...Copy !req
59. Abraham begat Issac,
who the Lord then said to kill,Copy !req
60. but that was just
a little silly trickCopy !req
61. to see if Abraham
would do it.Copy !req
62. Uh-huh.Copy !req
63. No, Ike!Copy !req
64. Ma, Ike keeps taking off
his Squirt uniform!Copy !req
65. Ike, you behave!Copy !req
66. Floor!Copy !req
67. No, Ike!Copy !req
68. Ba-ba ba-ba!Copy !req
69. I don't think Ike wants
to go to Squirts.Copy !req
70. Ike, your brother Kyle
was in Squirts and so was I.Copy !req
71. You have to go
so that somedayCopy !req
72. you can be a big,
brave Jew Scout!Copy !req
73. No!Copy !req
74. Tell Ike how much fun
Squirts is, Kyle.Copy !req
75. What, you want
me to lie!Copy !req
76. Yeah, lie.Copy !req
77. Oh.Copy !req
78. Ike, Squirts is
so much fun.Copy !req
79. Oh my God,
what is that!Copy !req
80. Hey, it's a bear!Copy !req
81. Wow, cool!Copy !req
82. This retreat really is
out of the way, isn't it!Copy !req
83. Welcome to Jewbilee,
you folks find it okay!Copy !req
84. Yeah, actually we saw
a bear a few miles back!Copy !req
85. He was huge!Copy !req
86. Yeah, we spotted him
a few days ago.Copy !req
87. Nothing to worry about, though,
your boys are safe with us!Copy !req
88. I'm sure they are.Copy !req
89. We'll be back to pick you up
after the meteor shower party,
boys.Copy !req
90. Goodbye boys.Copy !req
91. Kyle and Ike,
you be safe.Copy !req
92. And Kenny!
- Mm-hmm!Copy !req
93. Try and act Jewish.Copy !req
94. How do I
do that!Copy !req
95. Come on, Squirt,
we're meeting over here!Copy !req
96. Who are you!Copy !req
97. I'm the Squirt leader.Copy !req
98. I don't want to be
the Squirt leader,Copy !req
99. but I don't have a choice.Copy !req
100. It's the only way
I can earn my Hutzpah badgeCopy !req
101. so I gotta spend all night
instructing Squirts!Copy !req
102. You have to
go with him, Ike.Copy !req
103. Ba-ba ba-ba.Copy !req
104. Don't worry, Ike,
Squirts is fun.Copy !req
105. And I'll be right over there
in the next building.Copy !req
106. Ba-ba!Copy !req
107. Come on-nn!Copy !req
108. Name!Copy !req
109. Kyle Brovlofski.Copy !req
110. Mmnny mnnrmck.Copy !req
111. What!Copy !req
112. Kenny Mcheimerberg.Copy !req
113. Alright, get to
Mashugana Hall,Copy !req
114. the meeting is
already starting!Copy !req
115. What's this!Copy !req
116. This is where
the elders meet.Copy !req
117. Nobody is allowed to go in there
when they're having a meeting.Copy !req
118. I want to
welcome you all.Copy !req
119. Though we each come from a
different sect of JudaismCopy !req
120. on this night of Jewbilee,
we all pray to Moses as one.Copy !req
121. Now let us
introduce ourselves.Copy !req
122. Elder Karn
from the Orthodox Synagogue.Copy !req
123. Elder Harris
from the Hasidic Sect.Copy !req
124. Elder Garth, from
the Synagogue of Anti-Semites.Copy !req
125. I... don't believe
I've heard ofCopy !req
126. the Anti-Semetic sect
of Judaism before...Copy !req
127. We're new.Copy !req
128. Okay, Squirts,
the elders have given usCopy !req
129. a very important
task tonight.Copy !req
130. We're all going to make...
Macaroni pictures like this one.Copy !req
131. Using dry macaroni,
paper, and glue.Copy !req
132. How come we have to make
macaroni pictures!Copy !req
133. Because that's
what Squirts do!Copy !req
134. Now shut your pie hole!Copy !req
135. What's your name!Copy !req
136. No!Copy !req
137. How come your head
is looking so...Copy !req
138. funny looking!Copy !req
139. Uh-uh!Copy !req
140. And that's how we'll be
making tonight's craft.Copy !req
141. And so you see, scouts,Copy !req
142. all you need is a bar of soap,
and a dull knifeCopy !req
143. and you can make nifty
soap sculptures like these.Copy !req
144. Here's a giraffe.Copy !req
145. And here's a cloud.Copy !req
146. You can all pick up
your bars of soap later on,Copy !req
147. as we will all be making
soap sculptures tonight.Copy !req
148. Now, this year,
we are pleased to announceCopy !req
149. that Jewbilee has grown
to over 100 Jew ScoutsCopy !req
150. from all
around the country!Copy !req
151. All new inductees
raise your hands.Copy !req
152. That's you, Kenny,
raise your hand.Copy !req
153. Uh... yes... And what is
your name, young man!Copy !req
154. Junichi.Copy !req
155. Ah, wonderful!Copy !req
156. Uh, uhh...Copy !req
157. Could you run out and grab
some of those candles for us!Copy !req
158. There we go.Copy !req
159. Now, I would like
all the new inducteesCopy !req
160. to step forward, please.Copy !req
161. This part kind of
sucks, Kenny.Copy !req
162. But don't screw it up.Copy !req
163. Raise your left hand
and repeat after me:Copy !req
164. "I pledge to be
a Jew Scout."Copy !req
165. I pledge to be a Jew Scout.Copy !req
166. "My honor
wide and true."Copy !req
167. My honor wide and true.Copy !req
168. "I am proud to be
a Jew Scout."Copy !req
169. I am proud to be a Jew ScoutCopy !req
170. "Otherwise, I'd
just be a Jew."Copy !req
171. Otherwise, I'd just be a Jew.Copy !req
172. Na-heek kayem.Copy !req
173. Na-heek kayem.Copy !req
174. Na-heek kayem.Copy !req
175. Na-heek kayem.Copy !req
176. Na-heek kayem.Copy !req
177. Mph-mph mrph-mpph.Copy !req
178. Aaaagghghg!Copy !req
179. Okay, Squirts, let's see what
you made macaroni pictures of.Copy !req
180. Ichmael!Copy !req
181. Apple!Copy !req
182. Good!Copy !req
183. Matthew!Copy !req
184. Cat.Copy !req
185. Joseph!Copy !req
186. Triangle!Copy !req
187. Okay.Copy !req
188. Ike!Copy !req
189. Ko-ka shan!Copy !req
190. You don't make a macaroni
picture of the Last SupperCopy !req
191. at a Jewish camp!Copy !req
192. What the cheese?Copy !req
193. Oh my God, it's that bear
they've been talking about!Copy !req
194. Where'd he go!Copy !req
195. Squirts,
go grab your gear!Copy !req
196. We're gonna go
hunt us a bear!Copy !req
197. Then I'll get my
Hutzpah badge for sure!Copy !req
198. Oh, enough already!Copy !req
199. What has Moses
ever done for us!Copy !req
200. All sects of Judaism
follow the words of Moses!Copy !req
201. Not mine!Copy !req
202. Tonight's meteor shower
is a sign of the new time.Copy !req
203. We should use it
to pray to HamonCopy !req
204. and enter into a
new millennium of faith.Copy !req
205. Enough, elder!Copy !req
206. You will not speak
the name of Hamon here!Copy !req
207. All you ever do
is worship Moses!Copy !req
208. But it says in the
Book of CenturiesCopy !req
209. that Hamon will
one day lead the Jews.Copy !req
210. We pray to
Moses here, elder.Copy !req
211. If you guys love Moses so much
why don't you marry him!Copy !req
212. We accept all denominations of
Judaism here at scouts, elder,Copy !req
213. but your Synagogue of
Anti-Semites is too strange.Copy !req
214. Get out and
do not return!Copy !req
215. You are no longer
welcome here!Copy !req
216. Fine!Copy !req
217. Jewbilee is
the time of Hamon!Copy !req
218. You will all see
how wrong you are very soon,Copy !req
219. when Hamon returns from the
ninth tower of deaf illusionmentCopy !req
220. and smotes Moses and all his
followers into pillars of dustCopy !req
221. that would cry for their
petty lives, but can't,Copy !req
222. having recently been
turned into dust and all.Copy !req
223. You will see,
you will see this very night!Copy !req
224. Hel-lo.Copy !req
225. C'mon, Kenny.Copy !req
226. You have to get
in the circle.Copy !req
227. What are we doing!Copy !req
228. This is where we all
stand in a circleCopy !req
229. and pray to Moses for
guidance during Jewbilee.Copy !req
230. I think it's stupid!Copy !req
231. It is not stupid, Kenny!Copy !req
232. This is my faith and you
shouldn't make fun of it!Copy !req
233. Alright, Jew Scouts.Copy !req
234. The meteor shower
will start soon.Copy !req
235. Let us pray to Moses
for guidance.Copy !req
236. Moses... great leader.Copy !req
237. On this blessed
night of Jewbilee,Copy !req
238. we ask for your tutelage.Copy !req
239. May the teachings of MosesCopy !req
240. fill our ears and
our hearts, respectively.Copy !req
241. Ohmmmmm...Copy !req
242. Ohmmmmmm...Copy !req
243. Stupid assholes!Copy !req
244. Moses ain't gonna
teach them anything.Copy !req
245. Do not fear, Hamon,
this night shall be yours.Copy !req
246. And the Anti-Semetic Jews
will once again rule the earth!Copy !req
247. There he is, Squirts!Copy !req
248. Okay Squirts,
remember the plan:Copy !req
249. immobilize and attack.Copy !req
250. Matthew, you immobilize
the bear with the net,Copy !req
251. then echo team run up
and attack it with your
Squirtknives.Copy !req
252. Don't get too close now,Copy !req
253. just close enough
to throw the net
on the stupid bear.Copy !req
254. Now!Copy !req
255. Oh, Frank!Copy !req
256. Nooo!Copy !req
257. Oh no!Copy !req
258. Oh God!Copy !req
259. Oh, the bear
took a Squirt!Copy !req
260. Oh, I'm gonna
get it now!Copy !req
261. Ohmmmm...
Ohmmmm...Copy !req
262. Mprh mm mrph mrmmp!Copy !req
263. Shh! Shut up, Kenny!Copy !req
264. What the mphhh is that!Copy !req
265. That's Moses, stupid!Copy !req
266. Great Moses, we,
your most loyal followers,Copy !req
267. want to thank you
a lot for coming.Copy !req
268. The hour of Jewbilee is near.Copy !req
269. Let all debts be forgiven
and all slaves freed.Copy !req
270. Mwaaaaaaa...Copy !req
271. Mwaaa...
Mwaaa...Copy !req
272. Alright scouts,
let's all show MosesCopy !req
273. our soap sculptures so that he
may rejoice and be pleased.Copy !req
274. It's a duck.Copy !req
275. "And it was foretold
that the spirit of MosesCopy !req
276. "would finally rest, when his
spirit was imprisoned by HamonCopy !req
277. in a conch shell
of blind faith..."Copy !req
278. A conch shell...
Like this one!Copy !req
279. Moses, the Squirts have made you
tidings of macaroni pictures...Copy !req
280. They should be here
any second...Copy !req
281. Where the hell
are the Squirts?Copy !req
282. We need those macaroni pictures
for Moses, right now!Copy !req
283. Now, we'll just see how
Mr. Bear likes rat poison...Copy !req
284. That oughta be enough
to kill a stupid bear!Copy !req
285. Okay, raise the tray!Copy !req
286. Hutzpah badge here I come!Copy !req
287. Yikes!Copy !req
288. Okay, here he comes.
Easy now... easy Squirts.Copy !req
289. Okay, Squirt!
Lower the tray!Copy !req
290. That's it... That's it you
Goddamn stupid bear-face...Copy !req
291. Agh!Copy !req
292. Ahhhh!Copy !req
293. Jesus, hell,
he got another Squirt!Copy !req
294. Mommy!Copy !req
295. You think
you can stop meCopy !req
296. from getting my Hutzpah badge,
you stupid bear?Copy !req
297. Think again!Copy !req
298. Great and honorable MosesCopy !req
299. what do desire from us,
your children!Copy !req
300. I desire...Copy !req
301. I desire
macaroni pictures.Copy !req
302. Yes, yes. The macaroni pictures
are coming right away.Copy !req
303. Uh, anything else you want from us,
oh, great leader of the people!Copy !req
304. I desire...
popcorn necklaces.Copy !req
305. You heard him!Copy !req
306. Get to making
popcorn necklaces, right away!Copy !req
307. All you need is some popcorn
and a needle and thread!Copy !req
308. Hold!Copy !req
309. There is...
an impurity...Copy !req
310. Oh no, he's
on to me, Hamon!Copy !req
311. An impurity, Moses!Copy !req
312. This child here
is not Kosher.Copy !req
313. Uh-oh.Copy !req
314. What are we
gonna do!Copy !req
315. Don't worry,
I know what to do.Copy !req
316. Scout Brovlofski,
have you defiled Jew ScoutsCopy !req
317. by bringing a non-Hebrew
to Jewbilee?Copy !req
318. Elder, it's
not my fault.Copy !req
319. He told me
he was Jewish.Copy !req
320. What!Copy !req
321. A non-Jew has
infiltrated Jew ScoutsCopy !req
322. and looked upon
the face of Moses.Copy !req
323. He must be dealt with.Copy !req
324. Mph rmph rm rmph rm rmph rm!Copy !req
325. You are banished
from here.Copy !req
326. You must leave, before the
Great Eating of Carrot Cake.Copy !req
327. What!Copy !req
328. He doesn't
get cake!Copy !req
329. No cake for the impurity.Copy !req
330. Go now, you do not
belong here.Copy !req
331. Aaagghgh!Copy !req
332. Eem batu
kom da-veed!Copy !req
333. Da-veed hakem
bar laka shtood.Copy !req
334. Elder!
What are you doing!Copy !req
335. Shtood valak shtood
inka inka broost!Copy !req
336. He is reading from
the Book of Hamon!Copy !req
337. Into the
conch shell, Moses!Copy !req
338. Hellllllppp!Copy !req
339. And there you shall stay,
trapped for all eternity!Copy !req
340. Elder!
What have you done!Copy !req
341. I told you. The meteor shower
is the time of Hamon!Copy !req
342. I am running
Jewbilee now!Copy !req
343. Release Moses now!Copy !req
344. I don't think so...Copy !req
345. When do we
get to eat
carrot cake!Copy !req
346. Now, all of you
into that buildingCopy !req
347. or I'll shoot you
where you stand!Copy !req
348. Elder, you cannot mean—Copy !req
349. Move!Copy !req
350. Now! Now, Hamon!
Your time has come!Copy !req
351. Dude, what the hell
is going on!Copy !req
352. If he summons Hamon,
we will all be destroyed.Copy !req
353. Oh no!Copy !req
354. Hold it, Squirts!Copy !req
355. This is where
we'll set our trap!Copy !req
356. Everyone remember
your squadron.Copy !req
357. Alpha-5 and Gamma-7
will be on recon team.Copy !req
358. Alpha will
take left flankCopy !req
359. and flush the bear
out of Sector-3.Copy !req
360. Once we're in position,Copy !req
361. I want constant contact
between all squad leaders.Copy !req
362. We'll flush him out and
then attack him!Copy !req
363. Ahhh!
- Remember, this is only a bear.Copy !req
364. All we have to do
is stick together,Copy !req
365. and we can spend
the rest of the nightCopy !req
366. making bear sandwiches!Copy !req
367. Where is Ichmael!Copy !req
368. No!Copy !req
369. Goddamnit!Copy !req
370. You stupid Goddamn
son-a-of-bear!Copy !req
371. You've taken your last Squirt,
you hear me!Copy !req
372. "And the ancient one
looked upon HamonCopy !req
373. "as the new leader
of the people.Copy !req
374. And it was the night that
stars flew around in the sky..."Copy !req
375. Yes, yes!Copy !req
376. If he summons Hamon,Copy !req
377. it will be the end
of everything we hold dear.Copy !req
378. I wanna go home.Copy !req
379. Mlp!Copy !req
380. Mlp!Copy !req
381. Sh-mmm-t!Copy !req
382. That bear thinks
he can outsmart me!Copy !req
383. Well, I'm not gonna let
a stupid bear get—Copy !req
384. Hold, look over there!Copy !req
385. It's one of the Squirts
the bear took!Copy !req
386. Maybe he's okay!Copy !req
387. It's a trap!Copy !req
388. Damn!
Damn damn damn!Copy !req
389. Okay, bear,
that does it!Copy !req
390. You want to kill
all the Squirts!Copy !req
391. You can have 'em!Copy !req
392. I give up!Copy !req
393. I don't need my Hutzpah badge,
or Jew ScoutsCopy !req
394. or any of this crap!Copy !req
395. Forget it!Copy !req
396. Let the new tide turn!Copy !req
397. Let Hamon rule his people
once again!Copy !req
398. No!Copy !req
399. We await
your return, Hamon!Copy !req
400. Your passage
is safe from enemies!Copy !req
401. Arhhh!Copy !req
402. It's hopeless.Copy !req
403. Hamon will be summoned, and we
will be forced to obey him...Copy !req
404. or die.Copy !req
405. I'm fine with obeying.Copy !req
406. Yeah, obeying should
work out swell.Copy !req
407. Don't worry you guys,
he forgot about Kenny.Copy !req
408. Kenny will help us.Copy !req
409. How!Copy !req
410. Kenny will find a way.Copy !req
411. Rmpppphh!Copy !req
412. Mphh!Copy !req
413. Hey, welcome to the party!Copy !req
414. See this
little bear cub!Copy !req
415. It's his birthday!Copy !req
416. Yeah, so his mommy brought us
all over to play with him!Copy !req
417. Aww...Copy !req
418. Mprhm, mrm mrph rmph!Copy !req
419. Mrphm rmphm rmh rmhprm!Copy !req
420. They are!
Uh-oh!Copy !req
421. Mprph rm mprhm mrph,
rmph rm rmphm rpmh!Copy !req
422. Come on, Squirts,
we have to help them!Copy !req
423. Yeah!Copy !req
424. Elder Schwartz,
I lost the Squirts...Copy !req
425. I lost all the Squirts...Copy !req
426. But screw you!Copy !req
427. I don't need your
Hutzpah badge anyway!Copy !req
428. Hello!Copy !req
429. Schlomo, get us
out of here!Copy !req
430. What the cheese?Copy !req
431. What are you guys
doing in there!Copy !req
432. Get the keys and
unlock the door!Copy !req
433. What!Copy !req
434. Get the keys and
unlock the door!Copy !req
435. I lost the Squirts.Copy !req
436. Look out!Copy !req
437. Huh!Copy !req
438. Don't move!Copy !req
439. Oh jiminy gravy,
what is this!Copy !req
440. It is the summoning
of Hamon, fool.Copy !req
441. The wakening
of a new kingdom.Copy !req
442. You can't awake Hamon,
what would Moses say?Copy !req
443. Moses is trapped
for all eternityCopy !req
444. in the Conch
of Blind Faith.Copy !req
445. Oh no, you don't!Copy !req
446. Owwwwww!Copy !req
447. Enough of this
waste of time!Copy !req
448. Hamon, the great summoning
is done!Copy !req
449. Upon these words
let your spirit come!Copy !req
450. Ayneck, holst...Copy !req
451. It is lost...Copy !req
452. Na-yak, ka-reem!Copy !req
453. Woo-hoo!Copy !req
454. Hey! Give that back!Copy !req
455. It's the Squirts!
- Go, Ike!Copy !req
456. Unlock the door, Squirts,
the keys are up there!Copy !req
457. They'll never reach!Copy !req
458. Squirts, fall in,
Chinese formation!Copy !req
459. Hup!
Hup!
Hup!Copy !req
460. Hup! Hup! Hup!Copy !req
461. Give me that book!Copy !req
462. Hamon will deal with you!Copy !req
463. Hup! Hup! Hup!Copy !req
464. Oh no,
it's too late!Copy !req
465. Gramack, shtoood!Copy !req
466. What is that!Copy !req
467. It is Hamon.Copy !req
468. Yes!Copy !req
469. Yes!Copy !req
470. Free! Free to punish
those that imprisoned me!Copy !req
471. Hamon, it's me, Garth!Copy !req
472. I freed you!Copy !req
473. Look!Copy !req
474. Mphh hmmmp rppp!Copy !req
475. Kenny, noooooo!Copy !req
476. Moses!Copy !req
477. Nooooo!Copy !req
478. No! Noooooo!Copy !req
479. Moses...
I—Copy !req
480. I apologize for
any inconvenience.Copy !req
481. You see I was just, uh—Copy !req
482. Die!Copy !req
483. Arrrghhh!Copy !req
484. Hooray!Copy !req
485. Kenny!Copy !req
486. That blow to his head
must have killed him.Copy !req
487. He saved us,
he saved all the Jews.Copy !req
488. Y'know, I think we all
learned something today...Copy !req
489. It's fine to have your own
beliefs and your own traditions,Copy !req
490. but as soon as you start
excluding people from your ways,Copy !req
491. only because of their race,
you become separatist.Copy !req
492. And being a separatist
sucks ass.Copy !req
493. We've learned a lot from you
and your great friend, Kenny.Copy !req
494. Every year we shall gather here
in this special placeCopy !req
495. and bring Kenny tidings
of soap sculpturesCopy !req
496. and macaroni pictures.Copy !req
497. Yes!Copy !req
498. And those little
shaker thingsCopy !req
499. where you put beans
inside of paper platesCopy !req
500. that are glued together.Copy !req
501. Paper plate
bean shakers!Copy !req
502. And let us put
patterns of glueCopy !req
503. on the outside
of those paper platesCopy !req
504. so that we can
then pour glitter on themCopy !req
505. so they look
nice and sparkly.Copy !req
506. You heard him, scouts,
let's get to work!Copy !req