1. Ha ha ha ha...
Copy !req
2. Now, I will kill the president
and kill Salma Hayek!
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3. Oh save me,
who will save me!
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4. I will!
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5. James West.
Cowboy and Rap Star.
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6. Quick Artemus Cloud Frog,
we've got to save Salma Hayek!
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7. If we save her,
I'm going to
take off her pants
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8. and play
"slip 'n slide".
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9. Are you okay,
Salma Hayek?
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10. Yes, but I need to
get out of here.
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11. I need some
tacos and burritos
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12. Me gusto tacos mucho!
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13. You cannot stop me,
James West!
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14. Look out,
Artemus Cloud Frog
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15. it's giant metal spider!
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16. Bang! Bang, bang!
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17. Yo, yo, yo,
jiggy, jiggy
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18. with a
bang, bang!
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19. We saved the day!
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20. The wild, wild, west
the wild, wild, wild west!
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21. Yo, wicky-wicky, scratch,
wicky-wicky, scratch—
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22. Eric?
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23. The babysitter's here,
come on downstairs!
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24. But Mommm, I'm playing
"wild, wild west"!
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25. I have to
leave soon, Eric.
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26. But Mommm, me and
Artemus Cloud Frog
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27. still have to do our
love scene with Salma Hayek!
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28. Come down as soon
as you're done!
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29. Thank you so much for babysitting
little Eric, Shelly!
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30. Okay.
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31. All his other babysitters
won't come back.
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32. I charge $5 for
the first hour
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33. 5 percent bumps
every hour after that
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34. up to six hours which
enters into "golden time."
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35. Oh, that sounds fine.
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36. I'm going to a
meteor shower party.
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37. The number where I'll be
is on the refrigerator.
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38. Eric's snooky time
is 9 o'clock sharp.
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39. If his little wugums
get cold,
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40. you can turn up
the heat over here.
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41. And if he
gets cranky,
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42. just play
"tummy rub-rubs"
with him.
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43. And make sure he wipes good
after he "makes bears".
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44. "Bears"?
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45. Oh, and don't
mind the cat,
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46. she's just being loud
because she's in heat!
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47. Reowww-owwww...
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48. No kitty, I don't
have anything!
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49. Reowwwwww...
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50. What the hell is
wrong with you?
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51. Stop it, kitty!
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52. Reowwww...
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53. Stop, kitty, that's
a bad Goddamn kitty!
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54. Okay muffin,
mommy's leaving now.
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55. You do what the
babysitter tells you, okay?
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56. Uh-huh.
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57. Be good.
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58. Right.
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59. Come give mommy
eskimo kisses!
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60. Aww, Ma!
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61. Eskimo kisses
for Mommy!
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62. Jesus Christ!
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63. Bye, kids!
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64. Well, go put that pizza
in the oven, bitch!
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65. I'm hungry!
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66. Ow!
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67. Alright, turd,
listen up!
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68. Now that your
mom is gone,
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69. I'm in charge.
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70. I don't know how you
treat your other babysitters,
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71. but when I'm babysitting,
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72. you're nothing
but a little turd.
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73. You're a stinky, dried-up
stupid turd!
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74. Got it?
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75. You can't hit me, didn't you
see those nanny videos on TV?
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76. My boyfriend
is coming over.
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77. So you go
to the kitchen
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78. and you us make that pizza
before I snap you in half
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79. like the little
turd stick you are!
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80. You're not allowed
to have people over!
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81. Move!
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82. This is bullcrap!
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83. Ugh, ugh...
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84. I can't reach
the freezer!
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85. Figure it out, turd!
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86. Goddamnit...
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87. Reoww, reowww,
reowww...
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88. Shut up, kitty!
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89. "Any problems contact
Eric's mommy at 303..."
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90. Ah-ha!
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91. I'm gonna call mom,
and tell her the babysitter's
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92. having her
boyfriend come over.
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93. Then we'll see
who's the turd!
Copy !req
94. And so I said,
"you're a little turd, and he—"
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95. damnit!
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96. Reowww...
Reoww...
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97. Reowww...
Reowww...
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98. But if you've seen
one turd, you've seen them all—
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99. Eowww...
Eowwww...
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100. Stupid turd—
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101. Hey, I need to
use the phone!
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102. Hold on a second, Gary.
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103. Arggghhh!
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104. Oww!
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105. I pulled his underwear
over his head.
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106. I'm gonna
get her, kitty.
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107. Mark my words!
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108. Reoww...
Reowww...
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109. Shut the hell up, kitty!
Copy !req
110. And now, back to
the movie of the week:
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111. Aliens.
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112. They mostly come
at night... mostly.
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113. "They mostly come
at night... mostly."
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114. Oooph!
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115. Hey, I was watching
Aliens on TV!
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116. Well I'm watching
Friends, turd.
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117. That's my boyfriend.
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118. Go answer the door
while I make sure
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119. I don't have
food in my braces!
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120. Hey, is
Shelly around?
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121. Who the hell
are you?
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122. Oh, I'm the guy who's gonna
put a boot up your ass
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123. if you don't
tell me where Shelly is.
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124. Hey, Skylar.
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125. You know this guy?
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126. He's my
boyfriend!
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127. Ha! He's like
50 years old!
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128. He's 22!
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129. Dude, that's not cool!
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130. You're a turd.
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131. You're the
turd man of Alcatraz.
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132. Ha! Yeah!
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133. Dude, when
my mom finds out
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134. that my babysitter's
had their boyfriends over,
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135. she mostly gets
really mad. Mostly.
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136. Ackkk!
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137. Heyyy,
hey goddamnit!
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138. Turd wedgie!
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139. Come in the
kitchen, Skylar.
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140. There's refreshments.
Copy !req
141. And now back to
Wild Animal World.
Copy !req
142. Here in the more arid
regions of Africa
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143. the gold coat lions are
in the throes of mating season.
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144. The male lion positions himself
behind the female,
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145. and prepares to
insert his lionhood.
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146. Notice his
large swollen balls.
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147. Reowwwww!
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148. Reowwwww!
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149. The female lion
relaxes her body
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150. and says hello
to "Mr. Winky".
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151. Reowww... Reowwww...
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152. The male lion is enticed
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153. by the female's supple breasts
and firm backside.
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154. Reowwwww!
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155. Quickly and suddenly,
the male is finished.
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156. Now he wants to be alone,
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157. so he kindly asks
the female to leave.
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158. He promises, he'll
call her tomorrow.
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159. But the female doesn't leave,
no, she's moving right in.
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160. Looks like the male lion
is screwed.
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161. Reowww...
Reowwww!
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162. Ummm...
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163. No Skylar, quit it!
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164. C'mon babe, how long
have we know each other?
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165. Eight days tomorrow.
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166. And I still
don't get any action!
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167. I don't know, Skylar.
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168. It's just kind of
strange to me
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169. that you're 22 and all.
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170. But I'm still
in high school!
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171. I told you, I'm a very
immature 22-year-old.
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172. Well, maybe
just one kiss.
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173. Mmmm...
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174. Hey, what are
you doing?
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175. Beat it, chubby!
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176. Go on, Astroturd.
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177. I'm gonna tell
my mom on you!
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178. Turd rock
from the sun!
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179. Hey! You ate
all the pizza!
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180. We left you
some crusts.
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181. That does it!
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182. I'm calling
my mom right now,
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183. and busting your ass!
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184. Guess again,
Richard the Turd.
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185. Gimme that
phone number!
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186. C'mon babe, let's
go to the living room.
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187. I am not gonna be
bossed around by a chick!
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188. Maybe I'll just use my
"wild, wild west" techniques
Copy !req
189. and get proof that Shelly
had a boyfriend over.
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190. Reoww.
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191. Goddamnit, kitty,
you have to calm down!
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192. Here, I'll get you
some catnip.
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193. Reoww...
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194. Okay, okay. Hold on,
I found the catnip.
Copy !req
195. Reoww-reow!
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196. Reowww!
Copy !req
197. Reowww!
Copy !req
198. reowww!
Copy !req
199. You're such an
amazing poet, Skylar.
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200. Isn't this
guitar awesome?
Copy !req
201. It's the best
of its kind.
Copy !req
202. And not a
scratch on it!
Copy !req
203. Skylar, not here!
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204. I can't help it.
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205. I see your pretty lips
and I want to kiss them.
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206. Really?
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207. I cherish you.
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208. Almost as much as
I cherish my guitar.
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209. Wow!
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210. When I make it
to the big time,
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211. I'm gonna
take you shopping
Copy !req
212. and buy you
lots of bad ass stuff.
Copy !req
213. Oh Skylar,
I love you.
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214. Mmmmm!
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215. What the—
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216. Ha ha, so right you are!
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217. Looks like you're
the turd now!
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218. Gimme that picture!
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219. Ehhhh!
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220. Eghh!
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221. Heee-ya!
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222. Eghh!
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223. Open this door,
turd-I-dove.
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224. I think not!
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225. I'm gonna show this picture to
my mom, when she gets home!
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226. Your mom doesn't get home
for three more hours.
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227. That's plenty of time
for me to make
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228. a turd sandwich
out of you!
Copy !req
229. Give me that picture, turd!
Copy !req
230. You're never gonna
get this picture!
Copy !req
231. Not until
my mom comes home
Copy !req
232. and I can prove you had
a boyfriend over he'a!
Copy !req
233. I'm gonna bust
this door down!
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234. Reowww... reowww!
Copy !req
235. What should we do,
Artemus Cloud Frog?
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236. "We've got to get
that picture to your mom
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237. so that she will
come home and save us."
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238. Oh, that's quick thinking,
Artemus Cloud Frog!
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239. Listen very carefully,
Mr. Kitty.
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240. I'm putting this picture
of the babysitter
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241. and her boyfriend
on your collar.
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242. You have to take
this picture to Mommy, kitty.
Copy !req
243. So that she can
come home and save me.
Copy !req
244. Now run, kitty,
take the picture to mommy
Copy !req
245. and lead her back here!
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246. When you return, be sure to
bring mom through the back door.
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247. Hurry kitty,
you're my only hope!
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248. That's it, that's it,
Mr. Kitty!
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249. Meow, meow...
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250. Aww, goddamnit!
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251. Who is that?
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252. Oh, I invited the guys
in the band over
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253. so that we
can practice.
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254. Skylar, your band
can't practice here!
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255. Hey, do you want me
to make it or not?
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256. Don't stand between
me and my dreams, babe!
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257. S'up Mark,
s'up Jonesy?
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258. Just keep
the volume down!
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259. I have to go
deal with turd boy.
Copy !req
260. Hey, who was that?
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261. Who came
to the door?
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262. Eric! Your mom's
been in an accident!
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263. You just want me
to open the door!
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264. We need to run over to the
hospital and identify her body.
Copy !req
265. We'll be right back!
Copy !req
266. What?
Is she okay?
Copy !req
267. Not really...
she's dead!
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268. Huh!
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269. Ha ha, that was
a turd trick.
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270. Your mom isn't
really dead!
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271. Ah ha! I knew it
was a turd trick
Copy !req
272. and I opened the door
because Mr. Kitty
Copy !req
273. is on his way, right now
to my mom's party
Copy !req
274. with the picture!
Copy !req
275. Ha ha, I knew
you sent the cat
Copy !req
276. and that's why I
went outside and got him!
Copy !req
277. Ha ha, I saw you
get the picture
back from Mr. Kitty
Copy !req
278. and that's why I wrote
a letter to the press:
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279. "To be opened in
case of my demise."
Copy !req
280. So if anything happened to me,
that letter will go out.
Copy !req
281. And you will
never find it!
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282. You mean,
this one?
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283. Okay.
Let's see here...
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284. Ah-ha!
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285. Uhmm...
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286. Goddamnit!
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287. Arhhh!
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288. Ow, ow!
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289. Okay, check, check
check 1, 2, check!
Copy !req
290. Okay, ready?
Copy !req
291. Alright, let's
try the new song.
Copy !req
292. This is a song
I wrote for you, Shelly.
Copy !req
293. 1, 2,
1-2-3-4!
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294. Aw man,
you guys suck!
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295. You're the crappiest band
I've ever heard.
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296. Reowww, reowwww...
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297. Reowww!
Copy !req
298. Reowww...
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299. Reowwww...
Copy !req
300. Meowww!
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301. Reowww!
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302. Bridge!
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303. Oh my God, somebody
shoot me in the head!
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304. Hey! Shut up, tubby!
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305. Don't call me fat!
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306. Now, you guys are not
supposed to be in here,
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307. you get out now and
respect my authority!
Copy !req
308. Ow!
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309. Reowwww!
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310. Meowww...
Copy !req
311. Reowww...
Copy !req
312. Meowww...
Copy !req
313. Reowww?
Copy !req
314. Meowwww...
Copy !req
315. Reowwww...
Copy !req
316. Meoww... Meoww...
Copy !req
317. Meowww...
Copy !req
318. Yeah, dude,
that was hot!
Copy !req
319. This guitar
rocks, man!
Copy !req
320. It rocks!
Copy !req
321. What do
you think, Shelly?
Copy !req
322. Honestly?
Copy !req
323. I think you guys
need some work.
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324. Oh, really?
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325. I just think your
sound is kind of...
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326. "last week."
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327. Well, I'd like to see you
do any better, bitch!
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328. Well, I do have
a song I wrote.
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329. Okay, why don't you
sing it for us?
Copy !req
330. No Skylar,
I'm embarrassed!
Copy !req
331. Hey, man,
don't be shy!
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332. Well, okay... I'll try.
Copy !req
333. But I'm not
promising anything.
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334. 1-2-3-4!
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335. Mom, the babysitter
has her boyfriend over!
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336. Oh no, no, no
that's impossible, hon.
Copy !req
337. I told her
no visitors.
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338. There's a whole
crappy band here,
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339. can you hear them?
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340. Can you hear them?
Copy !req
341. This party is
very loud, poopykins!
Copy !req
342. You'll have to speak up!
Copy !req
343. Damnit, her
boyfriend is here,
Copy !req
344. don't you believe me?
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345. Not really, hon,
Mom has to go now.
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346. I'll be home
in about an hour.
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347. Oh, oh!
Mr. Mackey!
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348. Ha-huh, 'kay.
Copy !req
349. I'll never be able to prove
that son-of-a-bitch was here!
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350. My Speak 'n Record bear.
Copy !req
351. Of course!
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352. Dude,
this is gay!
Copy !req
353. Shut up!
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354. You shut up, your girlfriend
is not joining our band.
Copy !req
355. Yeah dude, what the hell's
wrong with you anyway?
Copy !req
356. She's like, 12!
Copy !req
357. You guys get out!
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358. Don't question my love!
Copy !req
359. My love is as pure
as morning snow!
Copy !req
360. Get out, I said!
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361. Reowwww!
Copy !req
362. Meowww?
Copy !req
363. Reowww...
Copy !req
364. Meoww...
Copy !req
365. Reowww!
Copy !req
366. Uh... zzzz...
Copy !req
367. Meowww!
Copy !req
368. Aw, man!
Copy !req
369. Testing, testing,
1-2...
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370. Testing, testing,
1-2...
Copy !req
371. Sweet.
Copy !req
372. We're gonna go outside
to watch the meteor shower
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373. I'm locking you in your room
'til we get back in, turd.
Copy !req
374. Okay, see you
in a while.
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375. Will you tell me
what it looked like?
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376. The meteor shower?
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377. They mostly come
every few years... mostly.
Copy !req
378. What the hell
is wrong with you?
Copy !req
379. How come you're not
yelling and whining?
Copy !req
380. Well, I just, I kind of like
having you around.
Copy !req
381. What?
No you don't!
Copy !req
382. No, I'm serious.
Copy !req
383. See, I never had
a brother or sister.
Copy !req
384. I think people that have
a brother or sister
Copy !req
385. don't realize
how lucky they are.
Copy !req
386. Sure, they fight a lot
Copy !req
387. but to know that there's
always somebody there,
Copy !req
388. somebody that's family.
Copy !req
389. I wonder if...
Well, maybe sometimes,
Copy !req
390. I could pretend like
you're my big sister.
Copy !req
391. And you could kind of,
watch over me, you know,
Copy !req
392. like, we could watch a
meteor shower together some time.
Copy !req
393. And I could pretend
I'm somebody's brother!
Copy !req
394. If only for a day.
Copy !req
395. Alright, get your
turd coat.
Copy !req
396. You can come see the
meteor shower with us.
Copy !req
397. You mean it?
Copy !req
398. But don't bug
me and Skylar, c'mon!
Copy !req
399. Hoo-ray!
Copy !req
400. Yes, I'm gonna have you and your boyfriend's
voices on my Speak 'n Record bear
Copy !req
401. and then you'll mostly never
babysit me again... mostly.
Copy !req
402. Yes, yes, what a
beautiful night!
Copy !req
403. It is Saturday,
the 12th at 10:45
Copy !req
404. and my mother is away
at a party right now.
Copy !req
405. Shut up, turd!
Copy !req
406. That, of course, is the
voice of my babysitter
Copy !req
407. Shelly Marsh, age 12.
Copy !req
408. What are
you doing?
Copy !req
409. I'm just
thinking out loud.
Copy !req
410. Do you have anything
to say, Skylar,
Copy !req
411. Shelly's boyfriend,
who is sitting right here?
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412. Go away, turd.
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413. I'm sorry, did you
say something Skylar?
Copy !req
414. Ahhh!
Copy !req
415. Reowww...
Copy !req
416. Meoww...
Reowww...
Reowww...
Copy !req
417. Meoww...
Reowww...
Reowww...
Copy !req
418. Yeah, c'mon
give it up!
Copy !req
419. No!
Copy !req
420. Give it up, babe!
Copy !req
421. No!
Copy !req
422. C'mon, baby!
Copy !req
423. No Skylar, I'm not
putting out for you!
Copy !req
424. Why the hell not?
Copy !req
425. 'Cause I'm 12!
Copy !req
426. You're not gonna
put out for me?
Copy !req
427. No!
Copy !req
428. Well, then,
screw you, bitch!
Copy !req
429. I've got plenty of other
girlfriends that will!
Copy !req
430. What? But I thought
you liked me!
Copy !req
431. If you're not putting out
then I'm movin' on.
Copy !req
432. There's plenty of chicks
like you out there.
Copy !req
433. Screw you, prude bitch.
Copy !req
434. Me and my bad ass guitar
are going home. Hasta!
Copy !req
435. Gotcha!
Copy !req
436. Oh yeah, oh yeah! I'm the kid
with the wild west!
Copy !req
437. Shelly, guess who's busted!
Copy !req
438. Hey, I said,
guess who's busted!
Copy !req
439. You're not gonna trick me,
I got the goods on you!
Copy !req
440. I don't care!
Copy !req
441. He acted like
he really liked me,
Copy !req
442. nobody's ever
liked me before!
Copy !req
443. I can't believe
I trusted him!
Copy !req
444. I'm so stupid!
Copy !req
445. But, dude, he's 22!
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446. What were you
doing with him, anyway?
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447. Nobody my age
would go out with me
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448. 'cause I'm too ugly!
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449. You're not ugly!
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450. You don't think so?
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451. Well, you're
pretty ugly, but
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452. you don't have to
be dating 22 year olds.
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453. I mean, what kind of
scumbag asshole
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454. dates 12-year-old girls?
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455. You're right,
he is a scumbag!
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456. I wish I could
get him back.
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457. I just don't know how.
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458. Well, I could ask
Artemus Cloud Frog.
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459. He would know.
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460. Huh!
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461. If you want,
I could help you.
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462. Really?
You would do that?
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463. Just let me
get my cowboy hat.
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464. Reowww...?
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465. Reowww...
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466. Reowww...
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467. What the hell
is this!
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468. Help me, help me...
this is Salma Hayek!
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469. is anybody there?
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470. Salma Hayek?
Whoa, she's hot!
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471. Okay, it's clear!
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472. Over here,
please come quick!
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473. We don't have
much time!
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474. This won't
take me long!
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475. Reowww...?
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476. Hurry up in there!
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477. I'm almost done!
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478. Hellooo?
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479. Hello, Mrs. Hayek?
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480. Over here,
please help me!
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481. I am lost and I
have no clothes!
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482. No clothes, right!
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483. I'm over here,
please help me!
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484. I will
reward you greatly.
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485. I'm right here,
Ms. Hayek.
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486. Oh, please help me!
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487. What the—
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488. Please help me,
I will give you tacos.
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489. Dude, somebody
tricked me!
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490. I'll make you pay for making me
come out here, Goddamnit!
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491. Stupid asshole stuffed animals
trying to ruin my night!
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492. My guitar!
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493. Nooooooo!
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494. That was so cool!
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495. I wish we could'a
seen his face.
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496. Thanks for
all your help, Eric.
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497. Y'know, as far as
turds go, you're okay!
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498. Oh, my God!
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499. They're having
a cat orgy!
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500. You are all
very bad kitties!
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501. That is a bad, bad kitty!
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502. Your mom's gonna
be home soon.
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503. We're gonna get busted!
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504. C'mon kitties,
outside, c'mon...
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505. That's it, c'mon, c'mon!
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506. Uh-oh...
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507. You two ruined my career.
I'm gonna get you!
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508. Ughn!
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509. Ohhhh, ohhhhh!
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510. Arghhhh!
What are you doing!
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511. Ohh, you ripped
my pants off...
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512. Oh my God,
I'm not a cat!
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513. C'mon, we've gotta
get the house clean
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514. before your
mom gets home.
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515. Y'know, Eric,
it's kinda cool
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516. that two people who hated
each other can be friends.
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517. Yeah, I think we
get along okay.
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518. Hi kids, I'm home!
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519. Mom, I can explain!
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520. It was all Shelly's fault
she didn't watch the cat!
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521. No, it was Eric's fault
he let these cats in here!
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522. Oooh, what a
party that was!
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523. Wow, she passed out!
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524. Luckily for us,
my mom's a total lush!
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525. Well let's
clean up the house.
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526. Looks like everything
turned out okay!
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527. That's how it goes
in the wild, wild west!
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