1. Okay, children,
let's take our seats.Copy !req
2. We have something
very important to discuss.Copy !req
3. Due to recent events
around the countryCopy !req
4. I have been instructed
to teach you all aboutCopy !req
5. sexual harassment
in school.Copy !req
6. About what?Copy !req
7. Now, does anybody know
what "sexual harassment" means?Copy !req
8. Yes, Eric?Copy !req
9. When you're trying to have
intercourse with a lady friend,Copy !req
10. and some other guy comes up and
tickles your balls from behind.Copy !req
11. No Eric, that's not
what I'm talking about!Copy !req
12. The school board
has sent over a special guestCopy !req
13. to teach us all about
sexual harassment in schools.Copy !req
14. Please welcome Peetie,
the Sexual Harassment Panda.Copy !req
15. Hi, boys and girls!Copy !req
16. Say hi to
Sexual Harassment Panda!Copy !req
17. Hi, Sexual Harassment Panda.Copy !req
18. Did you know that
when one little pandaCopy !req
19. pulls on another
little panda's underwear...Copy !req
20. that's sexual harassment?Copy !req
21. That makes me
a saaaaad panda.Copy !req
22. This is freaking
me out, dude.Copy !req
23. And when one little panda
puts his furry little willyCopy !req
24. in another
panda's ear...Copy !req
25. that makes me
a very sad panda.Copy !req
26. Now, I'm going to
pass out these booklets,Copy !req
27. and we're going to
go throughCopy !req
28. each and every
sexual harassment law.Copy !req
29. Aww!Copy !req
30. Article Thirty Six:
Section Nineteen.Copy !req
31. "One panda may not
make sexual commentsCopy !req
32. "about another
panda's appearance.Copy !req
33. "if said panda—"Copy !req
34. Aw, dude, get me
out of here.Copy !req
35. I think Sexual
Harassment Panda
is cool.Copy !req
36. You would think that,
you little ass-sucker.Copy !req
37. What did you call me?Copy !req
38. An ass-sucker.Copy !req
39. It means you suck ass.Copy !req
40. You see an ass,
and you suck it.Copy !req
41. You're an ass-sucker.Copy !req
42. That does it!Copy !req
43. I am suing you for
sexual harassment!Copy !req
44. Uh-oh!Copy !req
45. What?Copy !req
46. You have sexually harassed me
for the last time!Copy !req
47. It says right here,
that now I can sue youCopy !req
48. and take all
of your money!Copy !req
49. That's right, he can.Copy !req
50. No you can't,
you little ass-sucker.Copy !req
51. Ooh!
He did it again!Copy !req
52. You all heard him!Copy !req
53. "The first party
of the first pandaCopy !req
54. "may sue the
second party pandaCopy !req
55. unless that panda was said panda
aforementioned panda."Copy !req
56. This is Cartman vs. Marsh,
case number 3-4-3-3.Copy !req
57. What is your
complaint, Mr. Cartman?Copy !req
58. Your Honor, my lawyer
is just parking the car.Copy !req
59. He should be here
any second.Copy !req
60. Dude, he got a lawyer!Copy !req
61. Sorry I'm late.Copy !req
62. Dad?Copy !req
63. Oh, hi Kyle.Copy !req
64. Alright, let's
move this along, shall we?Copy !req
65. Now, Eric Cartman,Copy !req
66. you claim that Stan Marsh has
sexually harassed you in school.Copy !req
67. That is correct,
my Honor.Copy !req
68. Oh, whatever.Copy !req
69. He said talked about having
oral sex with my ass.Copy !req
70. I called you
an ass-sucker!Copy !req
71. Yes, that was it.Copy !req
72. I was so upset...Copy !req
73. I couldn't concentrate
the rest of the day.Copy !req
74. And the way his eyes
kept looking at me.Copy !req
75. Slowly going
up and down
my body.Copy !req
76. Like he was undressing me
with his eyes.Copy !req
77. What?Copy !req
78. Cartman, you call people
names all the time!Copy !req
79. As you can see,
your Honor,Copy !req
80. my client is
too upset to continue.Copy !req
81. Mr. Marsh, what do you
have to say?Copy !req
82. What do you mean?Copy !req
83. I need to hear
your defense.Copy !req
84. Uh... I'm eight?Copy !req
85. Alright, this seems
pretty open and shut.Copy !req
86. Stan Marsh under the new sexual
harassment in schools law,Copy !req
87. I am forced to
find you guilty.Copy !req
88. Huh!Copy !req
89. Alright, we did it!Copy !req
90. Hooray!Copy !req
91. Since the defendant is under age
and has no monetary resources,Copy !req
92. it is the judgement
of this court,Copy !req
93. that 50 percent of
Stan Marsh's belongingsCopy !req
94. are to be handed over to
Eric Cartman immediately.Copy !req
95. I have to give him
half my stuff?Copy !req
96. Sweet.Copy !req
97. Let's see... I want
that Climb Criminy game...Copy !req
98. And that Power Jim doll...Copy !req
99. And, let's see...Copy !req
100. Do you really like this
remote controlled truck?Copy !req
101. Yeah, dude, that's
my favorite toy.Copy !req
102. Oh, well I'll just
take that then...Copy !req
103. And what about this?Copy !req
104. Is this one of
your favorites?Copy !req
105. Uh, no,
I hate that toy!Copy !req
106. Oh, then you don't mind
if I take it.Copy !req
107. Dammit!Copy !req
108. Here you go,
as your legal fee,Copy !req
109. you can choose between
the green choo-chooCopy !req
110. or the squishy football.Copy !req
111. Hmmm...Copy !req
112. Y'know, Eric,
I've been thinking...Copy !req
113. Uh-huh, that
model airplane kit...Copy !req
114. Go on.Copy !req
115. You know, the people
really responsibleCopy !req
116. for your harassment
is the public schools.Copy !req
117. Perhaps we should
sue them next.Copy !req
118. Why should I
sue the schools?Copy !req
119. Well, because they're the ones
that let this harassment go on,Copy !req
120. and they have
a lot more money.Copy !req
121. I think we could get
a lot more out of thisCopy !req
122. than half of
Stan's belongings.Copy !req
123. Interesting...Copy !req
124. Ooh, Stan's
asthma inhaler!Copy !req
125. I want that!Copy !req
126. Answer the question.Copy !req
127. Did you know that
sexual harassmentCopy !req
128. was going on
in the classroom?Copy !req
129. No, I had no
friggin' idea.Copy !req
130. Mr. Garrison, do you
know the definition
of sexual harassment?Copy !req
131. Of course,
and so does Mr. Hat!Copy !req
132. We do not tolerate
sexual harassment!Copy !req
133. You are the witness here,
Mr. Garrison, not Mr. Hat.Copy !req
134. I'm sorry, toots.Copy !req
135. Did you
or did you notCopy !req
136. hear my client
being called an ass-sucker?Copy !req
137. Yes.Copy !req
138. And you
did nothing?Copy !req
139. He is a
little ass-sucker.Copy !req
140. Mr. Garrison, I will remind you
that we are in court!Copy !req
141. Okay, baby,
I'm sorry.Copy !req
142. Principal Victoria, were you
aware that my client was being
harassed at your school?Copy !req
143. Well, not any more
than any other student.Copy !req
144. Oh, so you admit
that harassment
goes on?Copy !req
145. I don't know!Copy !req
146. You don't know?Copy !req
147. You're the
principal!Copy !req
148. I can't be around
every second!Copy !req
149. So it does go on!Copy !req
150. Alright, alright
I killed him!Copy !req
151. I hit him over the head
and I cut up the body!Copy !req
152. I tried to burn it
but it wouldn't burn!Copy !req
153. Oh, the smell of it!Copy !req
154. I put the legs
in garbage bagsCopy !req
155. and hid the torso
under a bridge.Copy !req
156. I had to do it!Copy !req
157. Aaaggh!Copy !req
158. Oh God!Copy !req
159. Principal Victoria, was Eric
Cartman called an ass-sucker?Copy !req
160. Yes or no?Copy !req
161. I believe so, yes.Copy !req
162. Last, I'd like to
bring up my expert witness,Copy !req
163. Sexual Harassment Panda.Copy !req
164. Expert witness,
did South Park ElementaryCopy !req
165. allow sexual harassment
to go on?Copy !req
166. Well, when one little panda
asks another little pandaCopy !req
167. to perform oral sex...
that is sexual harassment.Copy !req
168. And who is to blame?Copy !req
169. I'm afraid the law statesCopy !req
170. that the school
must be held responsible.Copy !req
171. There you have it!Copy !req
172. Straight from
the horse's mouth!Copy !req
173. Panda.Copy !req
174. P-Panda's mouth.Copy !req
175. After careful review, it is
the judgement of this courtCopy !req
176. that South Park Elementary pays
Eric Theodore CartmanCopy !req
177. 1.3 million dollars
in damages.Copy !req
178. Alright!
We did it, Eric!Copy !req
179. That goes in
the master bedroom!Copy !req
180. Well Kyle, what do you
think of your new house?Copy !req
181. It's... big.Copy !req
182. Yes, it is big,
isn't it.Copy !req
183. It is very... big.Copy !req
184. Dad, if the school
has to pay you and Cartman
1.3 million dollars,Copy !req
185. where does that
money come from?Copy !req
186. Well, Kyle, schools
have lots of money.Copy !req
187. You see, we all pay taxes,Copy !req
188. and part of that tax money
goes to public schools.Copy !req
189. And it's from that money
that we got our 1.3 million.Copy !req
190. And you don't see
a problem with that?Copy !req
191. No, it's a very fragile system
that nature has designed.Copy !req
192. All things flow
into each other.Copy !req
193. You're trying to
confuse me now, aren't you?Copy !req
194. Sort of, yeah.Copy !req
195. Okay, children, there's
a few changes being made
here at school,Copy !req
196. but lessons will
go on as normal.Copy !req
197. Any questions?Copy !req
198. Yes, Stan?Copy !req
199. Where's our desks?Copy !req
200. Right, desks...Copy !req
201. Well, a lot of cuts
had to be madeCopy !req
202. since the school's
funding is short for lawsuits.Copy !req
203. You see, Cartman?Copy !req
204. You see what
this has done?Copy !req
205. All I know is I got
this sweet digital watch,Copy !req
206. and these cool shoes...Copy !req
207. I'm telling you guys,
suing people kicks ass.Copy !req
208. Wow, I wanna
sue somebody!Copy !req
209. Me too, I wanna
get a lawyer!Copy !req
210. Yeah!Copy !req
211. Well, let's just try to
cope with the changesCopy !req
212. and do our school work.Copy !req
213. Now, I'm going to
write a sentenceCopy !req
214. and I want you to
tell me the noun...Copy !req
215. Agahaghhh!Copy !req
216. I know, I know.
I'm sorry, childrenCopy !req
217. but we can't
afford chalk anymore.Copy !req
218. I have to write on the
chalkboard with this rusty nail.Copy !req
219. Anyway, children, in the
sentence "the ball is red"Copy !req
220. Aaaghhhh!Copy !req
221. Kids?Copy !req
222. Are you tired of
being harassed at school?Copy !req
223. Sick of being
called a "homo"?Copy !req
224. A "farty pants"?Copy !req
225. A "butt...Copy !req
226. face"?Copy !req
227. Then call me, Kyle's dad,
and I'll help youCopy !req
228. close the lid on sexual
harassment in school!Copy !req
229. After a boy in my class tried to
put his tongue in my mouth,Copy !req
230. I knew I needed
legal help...Copy !req
231. Kyle's dad helped me get
a 1.6 million dollar settlementCopy !req
232. and this bright, new,
shiny bicycle!Copy !req
233. Thank you, Kyle's dad!Copy !req
234. Kyle's dad got me 1.4 million
and he can do it for you, too!Copy !req
235. Just look at
all these beautiful girls!Copy !req
236. So call me, Kyle's dad!Copy !req
237. Because it's not
about money, it's about—Copy !req
238. wait, what am
I saying, call me!Copy !req
239. Alright, what other cuts
do we have to makeCopy !req
240. to the school budget?Copy !req
241. Uh, next we have Tom Morris,Copy !req
242. he plays sexual harassment
panda at the schools.Copy !req
243. Oh, right.Copy !req
244. We certainly can't
afford him anymore.Copy !req
245. I warn you, Mr. Evans,
Tom Morris takes his job
a little seriously.Copy !req
246. Hello sexual harassment cubs!Copy !req
247. Uh, have a seat,
Mr. Morris.Copy !req
248. Who?Copy !req
249. Uh...
Sexual Harassment Panda.Copy !req
250. Oh, alright!Copy !req
251. Mr. Morris, we at
the school board
have been thinking,Copy !req
252. And we've decided that
perhaps a pandaCopy !req
253. isn't the best way to explain
sexual harassment to children.Copy !req
254. You see, Mr. Morris,
we believe that a pandaCopy !req
255. doesn't really have anything
to do with sexual harassment...Copy !req
256. at all.Copy !req
257. I'm afraid we're just
going to have to let you go.Copy !req
258. I'm a saaaaaaad panda.Copy !req
259. Eric Cartman, it is the
judgement of this courtCopy !req
260. that you sexually harassed
Pip Phillip at school.Copy !req
261. No way!Copy !req
262. I won!Copy !req
263. This is ridiculous!Copy !req
264. You asked Pip to suck your...
You know what.Copy !req
265. You must give Pip
half your stuff.Copy !req
266. And the school must give Pip
1.6 million dollars.Copy !req
267. Oh dear God!Copy !req
268. Wow, I'm good!Copy !req
269. Next!Copy !req
270. This girl
touched my thigh.Copy !req
271. Half her belongings,Copy !req
272. school is sued
for 2.1 million.Copy !req
273. We're ruined!Copy !req
274. Next!Copy !req
275. Uh, your honor,
this young manCopy !req
276. commented on the
shape of my ass.Copy !req
277. Agh!Copy !req
278. Half his stuff.Copy !req
279. Two million
from the school.Copy !req
280. Ahh!Copy !req
281. Okay, children,
let's all take our seats...Copy !req
282. We have a lot to
learn today.Copy !req
283. Okay... uh, Clyde,Copy !req
284. Can you tell me when
Ulysses S. Grant was president?Copy !req
285. Um...
- Don't answer that!Copy !req
286. Uh, Craig how about you?Copy !req
287. Uh-huh... okay...Copy !req
288. I refuse to answer
on the grounds thatCopy !req
289. it may incinerate me.Copy !req
290. Incriminate.Copy !req
291. Incriminate.Copy !req
292. Okay, children,
I'm having a real problemCopy !req
293. with you all
having lawyers.Copy !req
294. It is really
disrupting class time.Copy !req
295. Uh-huh... ri—oh, oh.
I see. Oh, okay. Right.Copy !req
296. Kids, what I
meant to say is thatCopy !req
297. I fully condone you
all having lawyersCopy !req
298. and support your legal recourses
in every way.Copy !req
299. Now, let's get back
to Ulysses S. Grant,Copy !req
300. if that's okay with you.Copy !req
301. Let's trade sandwiches.Copy !req
302. Hello there, children!Copy !req
303. Hey, Chef.Copy !req
304. How's it going?Copy !req
305. Bad.Copy !req
306. Well they're
about to get worse.Copy !req
307. All I can serve you for lunch
is lumpy potatoes.Copy !req
308. Lumpy potatoes?Copy !req
309. Oh no!Copy !req
310. Sorry, children,
all my funding's been cut.Copy !req
311. Oh my God!Copy !req
312. You guys have to
do something!Copy !req
313. Chef, how can we stop all these
sexual ass-ment lawsuits?Copy !req
314. I don't know,
children.Copy !req
315. Why don't you
ask your dad?Copy !req
316. He's a lawyer, ain't he?Copy !req
317. I've tried
talking to him,Copy !req
318. but he doesn't want
the lawsuits to stop.Copy !req
319. He's making
too much money.Copy !req
320. Well, somebody else
has got to know all aboutCopy !req
321. this sexual harassment
whosafudge!Copy !req
322. Hey what about
that stupid panda?Copy !req
323. Yeah, Sexual Harassment Panda.Copy !req
324. He's the one that
started all this!Copy !req
325. We have to find him!Copy !req
326. Well, I hope you do.Copy !req
327. Otherwise, it's lumpy potatoes
from here on out.Copy !req
328. Noooo!Copy !req
329. That's thirty-two more
sexual harassment lawsuitsCopy !req
330. in the past
twenty-four hours.Copy !req
331. Oh my God!Copy !req
332. Looks like we'll
have to cutCopy !req
333. all counseling and
nutrition programs.Copy !req
334. The children have
started suing adults.Copy !req
335. They could sue
us next!Copy !req
336. Holy smokes,
you're right!Copy !req
337. Excuse me, we'd
like to speak withCopy !req
338. Sexual Harassment Panda, please.Copy !req
339. Agh!Copy !req
340. Please, don't sue us!Copy !req
341. Huh?Copy !req
342. We'll give you
anything you want!Copy !req
343. We want Sexual Harassment Panda.Copy !req
344. Oh no, uh...
we had to let him go.Copy !req
345. What?Copy !req
346. Uh, I mean,
he left.Copy !req
347. Well, where is he?Copy !req
348. We don't know, honestly!Copy !req
349. I swear it,
please! Let us go!Copy !req
350. What the hell is wrong
with these people?Copy !req
351. Well, your credentials
are very impressive,Copy !req
352. and you do seem to have
a lot of ambition...Copy !req
353. But I'm afraid
there's no room for youCopy !req
354. at our company
at this time.Copy !req
355. It's because
I'm a panda, isn't it?Copy !req
356. Well, I-it is because
you're a panda, eh—Copy !req
357. It's because you're a
"Sexual Harassment Panda".Copy !req
358. I can't help what I am.Copy !req
359. Have you ever heard
of a retreat calledCopy !req
360. the "Island of Misfit Mascots"?Copy !req
361. Well, yes...
but that place is for loser mascotsCopy !req
362. that make no sense.Copy !req
363. Well, yes, they may be
just what you're looking for.Copy !req
364. I don't have to sit here
and listen to this!Copy !req
365. How would you like a big panda punch
in your puss?Copy !req
366. As sexual harassment lawsuits
increase all over the state,Copy !req
367. the mother of all trials
is set to begin.Copy !req
368. The sexual harassment case of
Everyone vs. Everyone
begins tomorrow.Copy !req
369. No matter what the outcome,Copy !req
370. the public schools are sure to lose at least
a whopping 30 million dollars.Copy !req
371. Representing the
side of Everyone,Copy !req
372. is Gerald Broflofski,
the lawyer from South ParkCopy !req
373. who plans to make
quite a commission.Copy !req
374. Representing the side of
Everyone Else is...Copy !req
375. Gerald Broflofski!Copy !req
376. So whatever the outcome,Copy !req
377. things look very bright
for Kyle's dad.Copy !req
378. Personally, I think Kyle's dad
is just a whore,Copy !req
379. taking advantage of
everyone in town and—Copy !req
380. this just in:
newscaster Kevin McCartyCopy !req
381. is being sued by
Kyle's dad for slander!Copy !req
382. The newscaster has
yet to be reached for comment!Copy !req
383. Wait—Copy !req
384. Another scotch?Copy !req
385. Hey... Panda Bear!Copy !req
386. We don't take kindly
to your types in here.Copy !req
387. Now, calm down, Skeeter,
he ain't hurtin' nobody.Copy !req
388. No!Copy !req
389. I wanna know something
from Mr. Panda Bear here.Copy !req
390. If you pandas are from
mountainous areas of China
and Tibet,Copy !req
391. how come you eat bambooCopy !req
392. which is prone to grow only
in drier, more arid regions?Copy !req
393. Skeeter, I don't
want no trouble, now!Copy !req
394. It's okay.
I get it.Copy !req
395. There's no room
in the world for pandas.Copy !req
396. Well, you don't
have to worry about me,Copy !req
397. I'm off to the
"Island of Misfit Mascots".Copy !req
398. Dammit, Skeeter, how come every
time a panda bear come in hereCopy !req
399. you gotta go
flappin' your jaw!Copy !req
400. Well, what do you
think, Kyle?Copy !req
401. Dad, don't you think our
last new house was big enough?Copy !req
402. Well... this one is bigger!Copy !req
403. Tomorrow's trial,
Everyone vs. Everyone,Copy !req
404. is going to make
things a lot worse.Copy !req
405. We have to stop it.Copy !req
406. Kyle, let me explain
something to you.Copy !req
407. Oh God, here we go.Copy !req
408. You see, Kyle, we live in a
liberal, democratic society.Copy !req
409. And democrats make
sexual harassment laws.Copy !req
410. These laws tell us what we can
and can't say in the workplace.Copy !req
411. And what we can and can't do
in the workplace.Copy !req
412. Isn't that fascism?Copy !req
413. No, because we don't
call it fascism.Copy !req
414. Do you understand?Copy !req
415. Do you?Copy !req
416. Just look at how big
this house is, Kyle.Copy !req
417. Just look at it.Copy !req
418. Excuse me.Copy !req
419. Yeah, what can I
do for you?Copy !req
420. Somebody told us they saw
a big panda bear in here.Copy !req
421. Big panda bear,
Big panda bear...Copy !req
422. Hey,
eight-year-olds!Copy !req
423. We don't take kindly
to your types in here.Copy !req
424. Now calm down, Skeeter,
they ain't hurtin' nobody.Copy !req
425. No, I wanna know
something fromCopy !req
426. Mr. "I'm Eight Years Old" here,Copy !req
427. how come you "types"
are always wearin'Copy !req
428. them funny padded shirts
in the winter?Copy !req
429. Coats?Copy !req
430. Now, Skeeter,
I don't want no trouble.Copy !req
431. We don't take kindly
to your types 'round here!Copy !req
432. Dude, what the hell
is going on?Copy !req
433. Did you guys see a
big panda bear in here or not?Copy !req
434. We don't take kindly
to panda bears!Copy !req
435. Well we don't take
kindly to you!Copy !req
436. We don't take
kindly to folksCopy !req
437. that don't take
kindly 'round here.Copy !req
438. Kids, there was
a panda bear in here.Copy !req
439. He said something about
"The Island of Misfit Mascots".Copy !req
440. Where's that?Copy !req
441. If I'm not mistaken, it's over
near the Jenkin's place.Copy !req
442. Come on, we better hurry!Copy !req
443. Whoa, look at her!Copy !req
444. Hey, beautiful woman!Copy !req
445. We don't take kindly
to your types 'round here.Copy !req
446. Now, Skeeter,
she ain't hurtin' nobody!Copy !req
447. This is case number 47-G,
Everyone vs. Everyone.Copy !req
448. Representing the side of
everyone is Gerald Broflofski.Copy !req
449. Thank you,
your Honor.Copy !req
450. Ladies and Gentlemen
of the jury...Copy !req
451. Everyone has
committed a crime here,Copy !req
452. and everyone must
pay for that crime.Copy !req
453. My client, Everyone,
has been hurt by this crimeCopy !req
454. and must be compensated.Copy !req
455. "Island of Misfit Mascots
Commune."Copy !req
456. This must be the place.Copy !req
457. Hello there, boys.Copy !req
458. Whoa, who are you?Copy !req
459. I'm Willy the Don't Stare
Directly Into the Sun Worm.Copy !req
460. Now you boys know not to stare
directly into the sun, right?Copy !req
461. Yes.Copy !req
462. That can burn your retinas
and make you blind.Copy !req
463. Thanks a lot, dude.Copy !req
464. Oink, oink!Copy !req
465. Be sure you run around
with scissors,Copy !req
466. says Oinky, the Run Around
With Scissors Pig!Copy !req
467. I thought you weren't supposed
to run around with scissors.Copy !req
468. That's why he's on
the Island of Misfit Mascots.Copy !req
469. Have you seen
any panda bears?Copy !req
470. Hmmm...Copy !req
471. Hey kids, I'm Jimmy the
Don't Hold on to a Large MagnetCopy !req
472. While Someone Else
Uses a Fan Nearby, Falcon.Copy !req
473. What?Copy !req
474. Here, watch!Copy !req
475. Mprhhh, ahhhhhh!Copy !req
476. See?Copy !req
477. Oh my God,
they killed Kenny!Copy !req
478. You bastard!Copy !req
479. Hey, there he is!Copy !req
480. Dude, are we
glad to find you!Copy !req
481. You have to come back
to South Park, quick!Copy !req
482. Why?Copy !req
483. Because everyone
is suing everyone elseCopy !req
484. and you're pretty
much the cause of it all.Copy !req
485. Seems all I do now
is cause trouble.Copy !req
486. Hello kids, I'm HoppyCopy !req
487. the Don't Do Stuff That Might
Irritate Your Inner Ear Badger.Copy !req
488. Well.
I'll leave now.Copy !req
489. Please, Sexual Harassment Panda,
people listen to you.Copy !req
490. You have to get them
to stop suing each other.Copy !req
491. But I'm just a panda.Copy !req
492. No you're not, dude!Copy !req
493. You're a guy in
a panda costume!Copy !req
494. Hey, I am a
real worm, pal!Copy !req
495. Okay. Sorry, sorry.Copy !req
496. Y-You're a real worm.Copy !req
497. T-That's cool,
that's cool.Copy !req
498. Okay, you are a panda.Copy !req
499. But being
Sexual Harassment PandaCopy !req
500. isn't helping
anyone right now.Copy !req
501. You used to use your
panda powersCopy !req
502. to teach people about
sexual harassment.Copy !req
503. But now you need to
teach a new message,Copy !req
504. a new message that people
will find useful again.Copy !req
505. What message?Copy !req
506. That people shouldn't sue each
other all the time.Copy !req
507. You know, you little cubs
might just be right.Copy !req
508. Yeah.Copy !req
509. Okay!Copy !req
510. Your Honor, I'd like to
make my closing arguments—Copy !req
511. Wait!Copy !req
512. Hey, it's
Sexual Harassment Panda.Copy !req
513. No, he's a whole new panda now,
and he's got something to say...Copy !req
514. Hello everyone, I'm Peetie the
Don't Sue People Panda.Copy !req
515. "Don't Sue People Panda"?Copy !req
516. Hey, we don't
take kindlyCopy !req
517. to folks that don't
sue people 'round here.Copy !req
518. Now, Skeeter,
he ain't hurtin' nobody.Copy !req
519. Listen to me.Copy !req
520. When you sue somebody
it hurts everyone.Copy !req
521. You sue for money,Copy !req
522. but where do you think
that money comes from?Copy !req
523. From the schools, from taxes,
from the state... from you.Copy !req
524. There's no such thing
as free money.Copy !req
525. When you sue somebody,
you take money away from parks,Copy !req
526. and schools and charities and
put it in your own pockets.Copy !req
527. And that makes me
a saaaad panda.Copy !req
528. I'm a sad panda, too.Copy !req
529. I'm a really sad panda.Copy !req
530. I didn't know we were
doing all that damage.Copy !req
531. This is all that
damn lawyer's fault!Copy !req
532. Yeah, let's sue
the lawyer!Copy !req
533. Yeah!Copy !req
534. No!
Don't you see?Copy !req
535. The panda is right!Copy !req
536. Boy, what a great
message he has.Copy !req
537. When you sue people,
you just end up causingCopy !req
538. a lot of problems
for society!Copy !req
539. I've really learned
something today.Copy !req
540. All I could see was the millions
of dollars coming to me,Copy !req
541. and I didn't care about
where the money came from.Copy !req
542. Well, I'm no longer doing
sexual harassment lawsuits
in schools.Copy !req
543. They're too vague and
too easily corruptible.Copy !req
544. Thank you,
Sexual Harassment Panda!Copy !req
545. Don't Sue
People Panda.Copy !req
546. Yeah, well, whatever.Copy !req
547. So, let's not
sue anyone again.Copy !req
548. Okay, come on guys,Copy !req
549. let's go get
some ice cream!Copy !req
550. Hooray!Copy !req
551. Pandas love ice cream!Copy !req
552. Well, seeing as
we have no lawyers.Copy !req
553. I'm throwing the case out.Copy !req
554. Case dismissed!Copy !req
555. Hey!Copy !req
556. We don't take kindly to cases
being dismissed 'round here.Copy !req
557. Goddamnit Skeeter,
shut the hell up.Copy !req
558. Hello, cubs!Copy !req
559. I'm
"Don't Sue People Panda"Copy !req
560. with an important message
for you!Copy !req
561. Lawsuits damage
our society.Copy !req
562. I know it's tempting
to make money,Copy !req
563. but just remember, that money
has to come from somewhere.Copy !req
564. And usually it ends up hurting
a lot of innocent people!Copy !req
565. So until next time,Copy !req
566. don't let frivolous
sexual harassment lawsuitsCopy !req
567. ruin our schools!Copy !req
568. Goodbye now!Copy !req