1. This is Shop Class.
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2. My name is Mr. Adler.
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3. For the next week, rather than
your normal schoolwork,
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4. you will be learning
how to make things.
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5. Now, does anybody know why
you are in Shop Class?
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6. Yes?
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7. 'Cause we had to choose
between this and Home Ec
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8. and we didn't
want to be sissies?
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9. Wrong!
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10. You are here, because
you are America's future.
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11. You may someday be doctors
or lawyers or scientists...
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12. Most of you, however,
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13. will be pumping gas
or cutting sheet metal.
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14. And that's why we have...
Shop Class.
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15. Ohhh.
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16. Now let me make one thing
crystal clear...
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17. I don't like
kids that screw around.
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18. You screw around in
Shop Class...
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19. You can lose
a hand or an eye.
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20. I have...
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21. I have... I have...
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22. Mr. Adler?
- Huh?
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23. Oh, uh... I was just saying
that I want to know
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24. who is the biggest troublemaker
in your class?
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25. Tweek is!
- Agh, no I'm not!
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26. Yeah you are Tweek,
you always get in trouble.
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27. Agh!
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28. Uh, hello
excuse me,
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29. but Craig is the biggest
troublemaker in our class.
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30. That true, Craig?
You a troublemaker?
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31. No.
- Well, you better not be,
because in Shop Class—
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32. Hey! Did you
just flip me off?
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33. No.
- Yes, you did!
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34. Told ya!
- Dude, Shop Class sucks.
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35. Maybe we should've
taken Home Ec.
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36. No way, dude,
Home Ec is for girls!
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37. Welcome to Home Ec.
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38. For the next week, you will be
learning how to bake, sew,
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39. clean and make things
that are lacy and pretty.
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40. Woo-hoo!
- Yes, Wendy?
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41. I requested to be in Shop Class
but they sent me here.
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42. That's right, Wendy.
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43. You see, some of you girls
will go on to have
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44. interesting jobs
and careers.
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45. But all of you pretty ones
won't have to worry about that,
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46. because you can
marry a nice man.
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47. And that's why
we have Home Ec!
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48. Woo-hoo!
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49. I wonder why Kenny didn't
want to take Shop Class?
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50. I don't know,
he's such a wuss!
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51. Hey, don't
screw around.
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52. You screw around too much.
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53. Y'know you guys are
totally wrong about Tweek.
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54. Craig is way worse
than he is.
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55. No he's not dude,
Craig is a wuss.
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56. Dude, if Craig and Tweek
got in a fight,
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57. Craig would
kick Tweek's ass.
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58. You wanna bet?
- Yeah, I'll bet!
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59. How much?
- Five bucks.
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60. You're on!
- Agh!
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61. Hey, Tweek.
- Agh!
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62. Dude, Craig chooses you,
he wants to fight.
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63. He does?
- Yeah, he's all pissed off at you.
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64. So will you fight him?
- Why?
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65. Dude, because.
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66. You have to stand up
for yourself.
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67. So will you
fight him?
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68. Agh!
He doesn't look like
he wants to fight me.
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69. Craig, can I
talk to you
real quick?
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70. Just for a second, please.
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71. Craig, I'm not normally one to
get involved in this kind of
thing but...
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72. Well, I was just
standing over by Tweek,
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73. and he called you
a big poopeater.
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74. He did?
- Yeah, he said
you eat poop,
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75. and that it makes
your breath smell like poop,
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76. and that, well,
you like it.
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77. Why would he
say that?
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78. I don't know, Craig,
I don't know.
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79. But now he's over there
telling everybody
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80. that you're a poopeater
and he chooses you.
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81. Well, I'm gonna
go over there and—
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82. No, no, Craig,
you can't fight him here,
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83. Mr. Adler will
just break it up.
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84. Tell you what, I'll go tell him
you accept his challenge,
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85. and set it up for
after school today.
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86. Okay.
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87. There you see,
he just flipped you off!
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88. Agh!
What a jerk!
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89. He's really got it
out for you, dude.
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90. Why?
What did I do?
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91. So do you agree to
fight him after school?
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92. I guess so.
- Super, see ya there!
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93. Catch me, Richard!
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94. Ha ha ha ha...
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95. I'm so in love
with you, Richard.
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96. I made you some
cookies, Richard!
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97. Merry Christmas, Richard.
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98. Ha ha ha,
oh, Richard...
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99. Say we'll be this
happy forever.
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100. Ahhhhh!
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101. Richard!
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102. Arhhh!
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103. Oh, why... why?
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104. Mr. Adler!
Mr. Adler?
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105. Huh?
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106. Stop screwin' around!
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107. The bell rang,
can we go?
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108. Oh, well, sure.
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109. Uh, class dismissed.
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110. Come on, you guys!
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111. This is gonna be
sweet, dude!
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112. You guys are
so wrong about Tweek.
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113. He's gonna get
his ass kicked.
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114. We'll see.
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115. Why don't we just
raise our bet to $10.
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116. You're on, fat ass.
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117. Well, well, well,
look who's here.
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118. Our little Home Economics
friend, Kenny.
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119. Mph rm rmph
rm rmph rm.
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120. How come you wanna
take Home Ec, Kenny?
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121. Yeah, that's not
cool, dude.
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122. Bye, Kenny! See ya tomorrow!
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123. Hey, what's going on?
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124. Tweek and Craig
are gonna fight.
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125. Really?
Cool!
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126. It's funny, cuz Tweek and Craig
both went home
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127. about 15
minutes ago.
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128. What!
- Yeah, they left.
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129. Aw, hell!
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130. Those sons-a-bitches!
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131. I guess they don't
want to fight.
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132. Oh, they want to fight!
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133. They just don't
know it yet!
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134. Tweek!
- Tweek!
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135. Agh!
What do you guys want?
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136. How come you didn't show up
to the fight, Tweek?
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137. Craig and I have no reason
to fight each other!
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138. Well, Craig showed up.
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139. He did?
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140. Yeah, he was standing there
waiting for you.
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141. And he was all like,
"man, Tweek's a wuss"
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142. and we were all like,
"no he's not, Craig"
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143. and he was all like,
"yeah he is, he isn't
showing up,
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144. he's a big wuss and
he has crooked teeth."
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145. I don't have
crooked teeth.
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146. And then Craig was all like,
"Tweek is scared of me!
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147. He's a big chicken!"
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148. And he started doing an
impersonation of you
being a chicken...
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149. And everybody
in the world saw it.
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150. Everyone in the world?
Agh!
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151. Yeah, it was weak.
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152. I'm not a chicken!
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153. Well everyone in the world
thinks you are.
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154. See ya, Tweek.
- Wait! I'll fight!
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155. Tomorrow?
- Okay.
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156. Craig, what the hell
are you doing home?
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157. You're supposed to be
out fighting Tweek.
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158. Red Racer's on.
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159. Craig, you can watch
Red Racer any day
of the week.
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160. I do watch Red Racer
every day of the week!
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161. Well, that's fine.
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162. I guess you don't care about
what Tweek said about your mom.
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163. Nope.
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164. Goddammit...
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165. I guess you don't care
what Tweek said about your guinea pig.
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166. What?
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167. What did he say
about Stripe?
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168. Oh nothing, except that
you stick it up your ass before you go to bed.
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169. That son-of-a-bitch
I'll kill him!
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170. Yeah, I'd be pissed, too.
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171. So maybe we should
reschedule the fight for tomorrow?
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172. After Red Racer!
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173. After Red Racer,
of course.
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174. How was school today, son?
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175. Agh!
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176. That's great.
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177. Dad, if some kid at school
wants to fight me...
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178. What should I do?
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179. Son, let me tell you
a little story
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180. about when your
mother and I first met...
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181. You see,
a long time ago
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182. there were a lot of guys
who were after your mother,
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183. she used to be
very attractive.
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184. It's true, I was.
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185. Well, when I started
courting your mother,
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186. there was this big muscular
football player named "Quib"
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187. who didn't
take too kindly to me.
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188. He wanted your mother
all to himself.
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189. And so, one day,
he challenged me to a fight.
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190. Well?
- Well what, honey?
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191. Agh!
What happened?
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192. Oh, I don't know, he moved
away or something.
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193. Yes, I think
that's right.
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194. Aghagh!
You guys never help me!
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195. Your stories never
go anywhere, I hate it.
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196. I want out,
I want out!
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197. Dad, I'm supposed to
get in a fight tomorrow.
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198. With who?
- Some kid.
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199. Oh.
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200. Don't just
"oh" him, Thomas!
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201. Yeah, don't
just "oh" me.
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202. I'll "oh"
whoever I want!
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203. Well, that
was fun, Pearl.
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204. See ya later.
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205. Richard, aren't you
going to invite me in?
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206. Why?
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207. Well, I thought
maybe you would
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208. at least attempt to
make love to me tonight.
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209. Oh well, I... I can't.
I left the oven on.
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210. Oh, Richard, why can't you
open your heart to me, why?
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211. I just... I can't!
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212. I... Oh, I know,
I have genital warts.
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213. We'll use
plastic wrap.
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214. Nope, sorry,
maybe some other time.
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215. Swing me, Richard,
swing me higher!
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216. I want to touch
the sky, Richard!
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217. Richard, I'm here...
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218. Just now.
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219. Oh, Richard,
it's beautiful!
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220. Yes, yes.
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221. But you have to come
see me fly tomorrow, Richard.
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222. I have a
surprise for you.
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223. Don't worry Richard,
I'm a pilot.
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224. It's what I do.
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225. Aaaghgh!
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226. Richard!
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227. Richard.
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228. Aaaghggh!
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229. Oh god...
What am I going to do?
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230. Okay, so, just to set the
record straight here,
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231. the fight will be happening, out
by the tetherball pole at 3:30.
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232. Tweek just weighed in
at 48 pounds, Craig at 45.
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233. Uh, how long do you
expect the fight to last?
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234. How ever long Craig
wants it to last.
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235. Ha ha ha ha ha ha
ha ha ha
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236. Make no mistake.
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237. Craig has been ready
for this fight since day one.
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238. He doesn't even
view it as a challenge.
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239. He'll view it
as a challenge
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240. when he's getting
his ass kicked!
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241. Did you hear that—
it sounds like diarrhea
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242. coming out of someone's
mouth or something.
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243. Shut up, fat ass!
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244. Don't call me fat
you son-of-a-bitch!
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245. Wow, Tweek and Craig
really hate each other, huh?
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246. This should be
a good fight.
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247. On your first date,
look at the man's shoes.
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248. Sometimes you can tell
how much money a man has
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249. just by his shoes.
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250. When he takes you
out to dinner,
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251. try to sneak a peek at his
wallet while he pays for you.
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252. If he only has
one credit card, beware.
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253. It means he doesn't
spend a lot,
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254. and worse yet,
it could be a debit card.
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255. If he has more than
four credit cards,
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256. that's a little fishy.
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257. The perfect number
of credit cards
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258. for a man to have is... two.
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259. Yes, Bebe.
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260. What if we meet a guy
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261. who wants to be
a doctor or a lawyer,
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262. but is still
getting his degree?
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263. Dump that zero
and get yourself a hero.
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264. He could earning
that degree all his life
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265. while you
starve to death
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266. with two dying babies
sucking at your teets.
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267. When I have you guys' ten bucks,
I'm gonna use it to buy
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268. the sweetest big-screen TV
in the world.
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269. That's more
than ten bucks,
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270. you stupid fat ass.
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271. Well, if I get ten bucks
from each of you,
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272. that's like
$2,000.
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273. Hey, quit screwing
around back there!
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274. You're horsin'!
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275. Richard...
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276. Richard...
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277. If you build it...
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278. Swing me, Richard,
swing me higher!
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279. Richard, I'm here...
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280. Oh Richard,
it's beautiful.
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281. Yes.
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282. But you have to come see me
fly tomorrow, Richard.
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283. I have a surprise for you.
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284. Don't worry, Richard,
I'm a pilot.
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285. It's all for you.
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286. Aaaghgh!
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287. Richard!
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288. Mr. Adler?
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289. Mr. Adler!
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290. Huh, what?
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291. Tommy stuck his face
in the belt sander.
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292. The belt sander?
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293. Tommy, I told you
not to screw around
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294. with the
belt sander, didn't I?
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295. Well, go on,
go see the nurse.
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296. She'll give you
some peroxide.
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297. What's that?
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298. Huh?
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299. This is a woman that
I knew a long time ago.
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300. What'd she die
or something?
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301. Wha—hey!
Go on!
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302. You're screwin'
around in here!
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303. Oh boy, here we go!
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304. What's happening?
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305. Tweek's gonna
fight Craig.
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306. Oh, cool!
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307. Stay pissed, Tweek,
stay pissed.
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308. Alright, here we go!
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309. Time for you to get
proven wrong, fat boy.
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310. You're gonna be eating
those words, asshole.
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311. No I won't because
you'd eat 'em first, tubby.
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312. Well?
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313. Come on!
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314. Yeah, if you're
gonna do it, do it!
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315. What do we do?
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316. Huh?
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317. What do you mean,
just fight each other!
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318. How?
- How?
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319. I've never been in a fight before.
- Me neither!
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320. Aww!
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321. Aw, dude,
come on!
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322. You just hit each other,
smack each other around!
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323. Not like that!
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324. Like what then?
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325. Alright, alright,
screw this—
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326. We'll have to
postpone the fight
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327. so Tweek and Craig
can learn how to fight.
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328. Aww!
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329. All that build-up
for nothing!
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330. Yeah, Christ, I could've
been home by now!
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331. Alright Tweek, we'll
teach you how to fight
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332. and Cartman,
you teach Craig.
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333. I don't think
that's very fair.
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334. If I teach Craig, he's
gonna really kill Tweek.
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335. Oh, yeah? Well, I'm gonna
have my Uncle Jimbo
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336. teach Tweek
how to box!
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337. Oooh, boxing,
scary, you guys!
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338. I'm gonna have Craig
learn martial arts!
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339. Fine, we'll see you
back here tomorrow!
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340. Fine!
- Fine!
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341. Fine, that's fine.
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342. Alrighty, Tweek.
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343. My little nephew
Stanley has asked me
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344. to teach you the
fine points of boxing!
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345. Agh!
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346. You're in luck.
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347. Ned here used to be
the state champion
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348. until a grenade
blew his arm off.
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349. I can still kick ass.
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350. Now, Tweek...
Boxing is a man sport.
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351. There is nothing in the world
more man, than boxing.
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352. It is man
at his most man.
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353. So when you spar with Ned, here,
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354. just dig deep into
that most man part of you.
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355. Wah!
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356. Well enough
of the lectures!
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357. Let's get to boxing!
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358. Agh!
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359. What you got, bi-atch?
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360. Keep your
guard up, Tweek!
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361. Aah!
- Damnit!
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362. Come on, Tweek he's
only got one arm!
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363. Alright, it looks like
we'll have to apply
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364. the Oppenheimer technique
with Tweek, here...
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365. What you got, bi-atch?
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366. Punch him
in the balls, Tweek!
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367. Atta boy!
Now quick,
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368. get him again
while he's down!
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369. Owwwwww!
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370. Good, now
kick his balls!
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371. There see?
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372. You got him
coughing up blood!
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373. Hooray!
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374. Agh!
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375. Now that's boxing!
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376. Your friend has brought you to
learn the ancient art of sumo.
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377. You must learn
the discipline and respect.
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378. In sumo, your body
must be like a stone,
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379. and your mind
like a meatloaf.
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380. Meatloaf?
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381. The object is simply to push
opponent out of circle.
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382. Is opponent ready?
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383. I'm ready.
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384. Yeah, I like this
hair thing, this is cool.
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385. Let us begin.
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386. Ready... and... begin!
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387. Respect my authority!
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388. Body like stone!
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389. Mind like meatloaf!
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390. Ooh, come on, na!
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391. Oh, Jesus,
I can't take it!
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392. Aagh!
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393. Fight back,
resist the ass!
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394. How can I resist
an ass so great?
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395. It is only an ass!
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396. You must overcome
the ass with your mind!
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397. This ass is unlike any
I have encountered, master—
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398. I win!
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399. There is indeed great power
in your ass, Eric.
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400. Perhaps you should consider
sumo as a profession.
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401. Hey, maybe!
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402. No... no...
make it stop...
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403. Oh Richard, say
we'll be this happy forever!
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404. But you have to come
see me fly tomorrow, Richard.
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405. I have a
surprise for you.
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406. Don't worry, Richard,
I'm a pilot.
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407. Watch me, Richard!
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408. Aaahhh!
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409. Richard!
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410. Arggghh!
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411. I never got
to say goodbye.
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412. I never got
to say goodbye!
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413. Oh, no!
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414. Oh no, now
what do I do?
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415. Okay... that was
very good, class.
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416. Now let's try
this one together:
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417. "Honey, can I
get a new wardrobe?"
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418. Honey, can I get
a new wardrobe?
Copy !req
419. Alright, now let's try
this one together
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420. "Lisa Smith's husband
Copy !req
421. just bought her
a new car..."
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422. Lisa Smith's husband
just bought her a new car...
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423. Good, Bebe, why don't
you try this one:
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424. "I think a trip to Hawaii would
really improve our sex life."
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425. I think a
trip to Hawaii
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426. would really improve
our sex life.
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427. Outstanding, now... Kenny.
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428. How about you try:
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429. "I can't make love to you
until we get a king-size bed."
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430. Mph rmph rm rmphrmphm...
rmph rm rmph rm rm rmph.
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431. Okay... Kenny, could I talk to
you over here real quick?
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432. Mph rm.
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433. Kenny, I don't quite know
how to tell you this, but...
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434. I'm not sure Home Economics
is right for you.
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435. Mph?
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436. Well, your cooking
is unsatisfactory
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437. your sewing skills
are below average and...
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438. frankly, I don't think
the odds of you
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439. marrying a nice, rich man
in the future are very, well...
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440. good.
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441. Mph mm?
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442. No, I think you should consider
transferring to Shop Class.
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443. Mph rm!
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444. Now, now, very few students are
severely injured in Shop Class.
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445. Mph rmph rm rmph
rm rmph rmph!
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446. C'mon, it's time for the fight!
- Yeah!
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447. Fight? Oh no, no, no, girls!
Haven't I taught you anything?
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448. Okay, the time
has finally come!
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449. Programs, get your
programs here, programs!
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450. Remember, Tweek,
punch hard, punch low.
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451. Agh!
- This is when you gotta get mean, Tweek!
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452. Agh, mean, agh!
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453. The spirit of the
dragon is in your hands.
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454. Alright?
- Okay.
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455. Now listen to me!
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456. Alright, and seriously!
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457. Per shang der
pong quang chong!
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458. Okay, okay!
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459. Argh!
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460. You ready, Tweek?
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461. You ready, Craig?
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462. Let's get it on!
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463. Respect my authority.
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464. Come on, Tweek!
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465. Come on, Craig!
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466. "To Whom it May Concern,
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467. "I can no longer
live without her.
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468. "I could not
say goodbye to her,
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469. "and so now I must say
goodbye to all of you!
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470. "for I am all out
of nicotine gum.
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471. "Sincerely yours,
Richard Adler... Shop Class.
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472. "P.S. Don't
screw around.
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473. You all screw around too much."
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474. Goodbye, cruel world.
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475. Jesus Christ!
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476. What was
I thinking?
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477. That would'a
hurt like hell!
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478. Yeah Craig, c'mon,
kick his ass!
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479. Come on, Tweek,
you got him!
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480. Whoa, Tweek,
did you hear that?
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481. What?
- Craig just called
you a boner!
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482. Agh!
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483. We just have to keep
throwing gas on the fire.
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484. Yeah.
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485. Mph rmphm rm?
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486. What?
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487. Who are you?
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488. "Kenny McCormick has been
transferred from Home Ec.
to Shop Class"
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489. Well, alright,
get some safety goggles
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490. and start getting acquainted
with the jigsaw over there.
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491. What the—
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492. Here they are!
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493. Hey, what's going on?
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494. Tweek and Craig
are fighting.
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495. We're just watching.
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496. Well, why the hell
don't you stop them!
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497. 'Cause we have
ten bucks riding on it!
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498. Don't screw around!
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499. Stop screwing around!
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500. Hey, you're
screwing around too much!
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501. Arghh!
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502. Oh my God,
they killed Kenny!
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503. You bastards!
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504. Well don't just
stand there!
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505. Call an ambulance!
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506. You see—
You see what happens
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507. when you screw around
in Shop Class?
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508. Mph rm...
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509. What?
What's that, son?
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510. Richard...
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511. Aghhh!
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512. No, no, please don't go!
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513. I need you!
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514. I can't live
without you!
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515. Richard,
you have to move on.
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516. I want you to be happy.
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517. But I can't!
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518. I never got
to say goodbye.
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519. Then say it now, Richard.
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520. Goodbye.
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521. There, now do you
feel better?
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522. No.
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523. Of course
you don't.
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524. Saying goodbye
doesn't mean anything.
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525. It's the time we spent together
that really matters
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526. not how we left it.
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527. You—you're right.
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528. You're right!
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529. Richard!
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530. It's grandma.
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531. Grandma?
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532. Hi, gram!
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533. You never said
goodbye to me, either.
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534. Hey, Richie,
remember me?
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535. Uncle Corey!
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536. Wow, you're
all alive again.
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537. No, we're dead.
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538. I love you, Richard.
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539. See you soon.
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540. Thank you!
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541. Thank you
for freeing me!
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542. I feel like now
I can move on!
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543. Baby, I feel
so much better!
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544. I feel so alive!
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545. Thank you, baby,
thank you!
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546. Dude, this is pretty
fucked up right here.
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547. Hi, we're here to visit our
good friends Tweek and Craig.
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548. Oh, well, I suppose
a quick visit is okay.
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549. Maybe you kids
can cheer them up.
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550. Hey guys,
how are you feeling?
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551. Agh!
- Ugh!
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552. Well, uh, we just came by
because we have something to
tell you.
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553. Yeah... see,
we got you to fight
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554. just 'cause we wanted
to see who was the toughest.
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555. We made up
all that stuff we said
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556. to get you guys
mad at each other.
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557. Yes, you can
flip us off, Craig.
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558. We deserve that.
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559. We just came by
to apologize.
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560. We feel so bad.
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561. Boy, do we ever.
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562. So I guess
we'll be going now.
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563. And we'll just live
with the knowledge that
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564. you're both
kind of sissies.
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565. What!
- What!
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566. Well, I mean, that's
what was on the news.
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567. What was
on the news?
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568. Oh, you didn't see it?
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569. Tweek's family
was on the news
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570. saying what a wuss
you are, Craig.
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571. Huh?
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572. Yeah, and then
Craig's family came on
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573. and said Tweek
was the wuss,
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574. and then punched Tweek's
mom in the hooters.
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575. Agh, you
son-of-a-bitch!
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576. I'm gonna
kick your ass!
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577. Come on, Tweek
you got him!
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578. Sumo technique, Craig,
sumo technique!
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