1. This Saturday,Copy !req
2. pox presents the musical event
of the new millennium.Copy !req
3. You all remember playing the
recorder in elementary school.Copy !req
4. Well, this Saturday,
in Oklahoma City,Copy !req
5. over 4 million
third grade studentsCopy !req
6. from all over the countryCopy !req
7. will gather in one place,
and, at the same time,Copy !req
8. play My Country 'Tis Of Thee
on their recorders.Copy !req
9. It's the largest third grade
recorder concert ever!Copy !req
10. Special guest conductor,
Yoko Ono,Copy !req
11. and woodwind virtuoso Kenny G,
will lead this fantastic event.Copy !req
12. This Saturday at 11:00 Eastern,
10:00 Central...Copy !req
13. the world will be watching.Copy !req
14. Okay, children,
we've still got some timeCopy !req
15. to practice the songCopy !req
16. before we load up the bus
and head out for Oklahoma.Copy !req
17. Now, come on.Copy !req
18. There's gonna be
over 4 million third gradersCopy !req
19. from all over the country
there,Copy !req
20. and I want to make sure that
South Park is the best, okay?Copy !req
21. Recorders up.Copy !req
22. And-a one, and-a two, and-a...Copy !req
23. God damn it,
I don't think you childrenCopy !req
24. have been working
on your fingering!Copy !req
25. That's not true,
Mr. Garrison.Copy !req
26. Kyle was working
on his fingeringCopy !req
27. with his mom all night long.Copy !req
28. Shut up, fat ass!Copy !req
29. No, seriously,
Kyle's mom saysCopy !req
30. Kyle's getting really good
at fingering.Copy !req
31. Shut up, Eric.Copy !req
32. There's gonna
be 4 million childrenCopy !req
33. playing this song
at the same timeCopy !req
34. on their recorders,
and so help me God,Copy !req
35. South Park Elementary
is not gonna be the only onesCopy !req
36. that don't know the song.Copy !req
37. Try again!Copy !req
38. Recorders up.Copy !req
39. And-a one, and-a two, and-a...Copy !req
40. Mm-kay, that's sounding great,
kids.Copy !req
41. Sure, if you like the soundCopy !req
42. of a peacock
getting its neck broken.Copy !req
43. Mm-kay, kids,
we have some news.Copy !req
44. Uh, there's been a terrible
flood in Oklahoma, mm-kay?Copy !req
45. So the 4 million recorder
children's eventCopy !req
46. is being moved to Arkansas.Copy !req
47. Arkansas?Copy !req
48. What's Arkansas?
Is that a state?Copy !req
49. The trip shouldn't take
any longer,Copy !req
50. but I'll hand out
these updated contact sheetsCopy !req
51. so that your parents will know
where you are, mm-kay?Copy !req
52. Mr. Mackey, can I talk
to you for a second?Copy !req
53. Mm-kay.Copy !req
54. Mr. Mackey,
I can't go to Arkansas.Copy !req
55. Somebody's gonna have
to fill in for me.Copy !req
56. What? We can't find anybody
to fill in for you.Copy !req
57. Why can't you
go to Arkansas?Copy !req
58. Arkansas is where I grew up.Copy !req
59. My parents live there.Copy !req
60. My... father still lives there.Copy !req
61. Well, don't you
want to see them?Copy !req
62. I haven't seen my father
for 23 years.Copy !req
63. Uh, perhaps you should
sit down, Mr. Garrison, mm-kay?Copy !req
64. Mr. Garrison, I know this
is very difficult, mm-kay?Copy !req
65. But I must ask—Copy !req
66. is there a history
of sexual abuse in your family?Copy !req
67. Some, yes.Copy !req
68. There was my uncle, Richard.Copy !req
69. He—he molested me.Copy !req
70. When was that?Copy !req
71. Saturday.Copy !req
72. Last—last Saturday.Copy !req
73. He's a paraplegic,
but it didn't—Copy !req
74. Mm-kay, and—
and your father?Copy !req
75. He molested you
when you were a boy?Copy !req
76. Mr. Garrison, I think when we get to
Arkansas,Copy !req
77. you need to see your father.Copy !req
78. You need to face this demon
in your closet, mm-kay?Copy !req
79. Don't look at me.Copy !req
80. I'll go on your bastard trip,Copy !req
81. but just don't look at me!Copy !req
82. That was pretty cool.Copy !req
83. Mm-kay.Copy !req
84. Okay, how about this one,
Kenny?Copy !req
85. Uh-uh.Copy !req
86. No? How about this?Copy !req
87. Nope.
- Hmm, interesting.Copy !req
88. Let's see. How about this?Copy !req
89. Cartman,
what the hell are you doing?Copy !req
90. We're trying to find
"the brown noise".Copy !req
91. It's this one pitch,
this certain frequency,Copy !req
92. that makes people
lose bowel control.Copy !req
93. What's "lose bowel control"?Copy !req
94. That's a scientific term
for crapping your pants.Copy !req
95. Oh, brother,
here we go again.Copy !req
96. Cartman,
there is not a sound frequencyCopy !req
97. that makes people
crap their pants.Copy !req
98. Yes, there is!Copy !req
99. The French experimented
with it in World War II.Copy !req
100. Nuh-uh.
- How about this one, Kenny?Copy !req
101. Uh-uh.Copy !req
102. There is no
brown noise, fat boy.Copy !req
103. That's nice.Copy !req
104. When I find it, I'll just make you crap
yourselfCopy !req
105. so you look
like Karen Carpenter.Copy !req
106. Who's Karen Carpenter?Copy !req
107. Mr. Garrison,
are you alright?Copy !req
108. Mr. Garrison
isn't here right now.Copy !req
109. Mm-kay, Mr. Garrison,
you're just having a hard timeCopy !req
110. dealing with the memories
of your father's sexual abuse,Copy !req
111. so you switched personalities
to Mr. Hat, mm-kay?Copy !req
112. Oh, good one, Sherlock.Copy !req
113. You figure that out
all by yourself?Copy !req
114. Mm-kay, I think the best thing
for Mr. Garrison to doCopy !req
115. is to go see his father.Copy !req
116. No! No, you moron!Copy !req
117. Mr. Garrison can't
let the memories in!Copy !req
118. Just leave us alone!Copy !req
119. Mm-kay, Mr. Hat,
you need to let me talkCopy !req
120. to Mr. Garrison, mm-kay?Copy !req
121. Why would he want to talk
to a second-rate,Copy !req
122. dopey-ass, elementary school
psychologist?Copy !req
123. What did you say?Copy !req
124. You heard me, jackass.Copy !req
125. There's monkeys that make
better counselors than you.Copy !req
126. Why,
you son of a bitch!Copy !req
127. Whoa, Mr. Mackey
and Mr. Hat are fighting.Copy !req
128. I'm gonna kick your ass,
mm-kay?Copy !req
129. Be quiet back there!Copy !req
130. Uh, no!Copy !req
131. You may have won
this time, Mr. Hat.Copy !req
132. Mm-kay, I want everyone
to stay together, mm-kay?Copy !req
133. Nobody move.Copy !req
134. School?Copy !req
135. Excuse me?Copy !req
136. What school are you from?Copy !req
137. Oh, uh,
we're from South Park,
Colorado.Copy !req
138. Alright, South Park school,
you go over thereCopy !req
139. next to the kids
from New York.Copy !req
140. No, no, don't put the
Florida kids in the building.Copy !req
141. Hey,
look at the freakin' EskimosCopy !req
142. in their little hats and
gloves.Copy !req
143. Yeah, huh.Copy !req
144. Whoa, look at this kid's coat.Copy !req
145. Hey, kid,
what's the matter?Copy !req
146. You a freakin' burn victim
or somethin', what?Copy !req
147. Who the hell
are these guys?Copy !req
148. I didn't know they was inviting rednecks to this
event.Copy !req
149. We're not rednecks.Copy !req
150. Yeah, that's Texans,
butthole.Copy !req
151. Oh, yeah?Copy !req
152. Well, you look like
a bunch of queefs to me, huh?Copy !req
153. You guys, what's a "queef"?Copy !req
154. Kenny?
- I don't know.Copy !req
155. Oh, brother,
you guys don't even knowCopy !req
156. what a queef is, huh?Copy !req
157. Of course we know
what a queef is, you queef.Copy !req
158. Oh, yeah?
Well, what is it then?Copy !req
159. Uh...
- Why, don't you know?Copy !req
160. Are all redneck queefs
from ColoradoCopy !req
161. as stupid as yous?Copy !req
162. Alright, dick hole—Copy !req
163. I need everyone's attention,
please.Copy !req
164. We will now all be moving
in an orderly fashionCopy !req
165. to our assigned hotels.Copy !req
166. Please follow your group leaders
to check in.Copy !req
167. Yeah, see ya later, queefs.Copy !req
168. I can't find
the word "queef" anywhere.Copy !req
169. Well, keep looking.Copy !req
170. We got to find out
what it meansCopy !req
171. before we see those
New Yorker kids again.Copy !req
172. Well, let's try
the dictionary.Copy !req
173. "Queasy, Quebec, queen,
quelch,"Copy !req
174. no "queef,"
damn it!Copy !req
175. Hey, I found it, you guys!
I found it!Copy !req
176. You did?
What's it mean?Copy !req
177. What's it mean? What's it mean?Copy !req
178. I told you guys.
Here it is, right here,Copy !req
179. "the brown noise"!Copy !req
180. Ah!
- Damn it, Cartman.Copy !req
181. "An oscillation of soundCopy !req
182. that causes the bowels
to loosen."Copy !req
183. See, that means crap your
pants.Copy !req
184. "The brown noise
is believed to be 92ȼCopy !req
185. below the lowest octave
of E Flat."Copy !req
186. What does that mean?Copy !req
187. Who cares?
Come on.Copy !req
188. We have to find out
what "queef" means.Copy !req
189. Keep reading.Copy !req
190. I can do this.Copy !req
191. I have to do this.Copy !req
192. Hello, Dad.Copy !req
193. Oh, hello, Son.Copy !req
194. Can I... come in?Copy !req
195. Uh, sure, of course.Copy !req
196. Your mom's out
at Bridge night.Copy !req
197. You want a beer
or somethin'?Copy !req
198. No, I don't think that
will solve any of our problems,Copy !req
199. though you seem
to think it did.Copy !req
200. Wh-what?Copy !req
201. I have a lot of demons
that I need to face, Father.Copy !req
202. I need to know some things.Copy !req
203. Okay, like what?Copy !req
204. Alright, alright,
let's just cut right to it.Copy !req
205. I've come to ask you
about the sexual abuse, Dad.Copy !req
206. What?
- I have to know why.Copy !req
207. Right here and now,
we're gonna talk about this!Copy !req
208. What the hell
are you talking about?Copy !req
209. I never sexually abused you.Copy !req
210. I know.Copy !req
211. I want to know why not.Copy !req
212. What?
- Was it that I was ugly?Copy !req
213. Oh, my God!Copy !req
214. I wasn't good enough
for you, was that it, Dad?Copy !req
215. Well... no!Copy !req
216. Sure, you could go offCopy !req
217. and screw any whore
on Ryland Street,Copy !req
218. but when it came to your own
son, you were just too busy!Copy !req
219. alright, everyone,
quiet, please.Copy !req
220. There are over
4 million of you,Copy !req
221. so we must have quiet.Copy !req
222. At this time I would like
to introduce the womanCopy !req
223. who is making this allCopy !req
224. Yoko Ono!Copy !req
225. My Country 'Tis Of Thee.Copy !req
226. You heard her.Copy !req
227. We'll start the rehearsal
in a few minutes.Copy !req
228. Those New Yorker kids
are gonna be here any second,Copy !req
229. and we still don't know
what queef means.Copy !req
230. Well, we can still pretend
like we know what it means.Copy !req
231. No, they'll catch on.Copy !req
232. Hey, wait a minute,
I've got a great idea.Copy !req
233. Let's make up our own word.Copy !req
234. We can make up a word
and then use it.Copy !req
235. And then they'll act like they
know it and we'll bust 'em.Copy !req
236. Yeah, that'll make 'em
look stupid.Copy !req
237. What word
could we make up?Copy !req
238. How about "finkleroy"?Copy !req
239. No, no, not finkleroy.Copy !req
240. How 'bout "geebo"
or—or "mung"?Copy !req
241. Yeah, mung!
- Mung's good.Copy !req
242. Shh,
here they come.Copy !req
243. Well, hello there,
queefs.Copy !req
244. All bundled up nice
and warm, are we?Copy !req
245. You know
what you guys are?Copy !req
246. You guys are nothing
but mung.Copy !req
247. What did you call us?Copy !req
248. We're not mung,
you're mung.Copy !req
249. Oh, so you know
what mung means, huh?Copy !req
250. Of course we know
what mung means.Copy !req
251. Yeah, do you think we wouldn't
know what mung means?Copy !req
252. We busted you.Copy !req
253. Yeah.
Mung isn't even a word.Copy !req
254. We made it up.Copy !req
255. You guys are even stupider
than I thought.Copy !req
256. Mung is so a word.Copy !req
257. It is?Copy !req
258. Yeah, it is.
Uh-huh.Copy !req
259. Yeah,
mung is the stuff that comes outCopy !req
260. when you push down
on a pregnant woman's stomach.Copy !req
261. Ew!
- Oh.Copy !req
262. You guys didn't
know that?Copy !req
263. Come on, guys,Copy !req
264. let's get away
from these rednecksCopy !req
265. before we get
redneckasitis or somethin'.Copy !req
266. You dumb-ass, Cartman.Copy !req
267. Yeah, next time
you make up a word,Copy !req
268. don't make up one
that already exists!Copy !req
269. It's so nice
to see you, son.Copy !req
270. I'm so proud that you're partCopy !req
271. of the Four Million
Child Recorder Blow.Copy !req
272. Yes, I hope it's okayCopy !req
273. if I stay here
a few nights, Mother.Copy !req
274. I-I have some thingsCopy !req
275. I really need
to talk to you about.Copy !req
276. About what?Copy !req
277. Mother,Copy !req
278. did you know that Dad
never sexually molested me?Copy !req
279. That—that can't be.Copy !req
280. He never did, Mom,
not once.Copy !req
281. That's not true!Copy !req
282. Your father loved you... often.Copy !req
283. He never did, Mom,Copy !req
284. and I think you knew
he never did.Copy !req
285. No, no, if I knew,
I would've made him do it.Copy !req
286. You stood by
and let it happen.Copy !req
287. You saw him come home drunk
and then just go right to sleep.Copy !req
288. I'm not listening.Copy !req
289. Face it, Mother,
he never abused me!Copy !req
290. Wh-what's going on?Copy !req
291. Mother won't hear the truth.Copy !req
292. He says you didn't molest him
as a child.Copy !req
293. I didn't!
You knew I didn't.Copy !req
294. No!
I didn't know.Copy !req
295. I'm not listening!Copy !req
296. You can't close your eyes
forever, Mother.Copy !req
297. Mother, wait.Copy !req
298. Alright...Copy !req
299. We must have...Copy !req
300. Imagine sung
for the performance tomorrow.Copy !req
301. Okay, children,Copy !req
302. we need to pay closer attention
to the sheet music.Copy !req
303. Remember,
if you get lost,Copy !req
304. just follow along
with Mr. Kenny G here.Copy !req
305. Hey, that's it, Kenny.Copy !req
306. Maybe Kenny G can show usCopy !req
307. where 92ȼ below
the lowest E Flat is.Copy !req
308. Then we'll know
the brown noise.Copy !req
309. Yeah!Copy !req
310. And-a one...Copy !req
311. Stop! Stop, stop it!Copy !req
312. That was a terrify!
That was a horribly!Copy !req
313. What am I gonna do?Copy !req
314. What the hell
is that lady talking about?Copy !req
315. I have no idea.Copy !req
316. Uh, Mr. Garrison Senior?Copy !req
317. Uh, that's me.Copy !req
318. Uh, my name is Mr. Mackey.Copy !req
319. I'm your school counselor,
mm-kay.Copy !req
320. What can I do for ya?Copy !req
321. I want to talk to you
about your son.Copy !req
322. I'm his... therapist, mm-kay.Copy !req
323. Oh, brother.Copy !req
324. Look, I didn't sexually abuse
my son when he was younger.Copy !req
325. You didn't?Copy !req
326. No! He's upset
because I didn't molest him.Copy !req
327. Oh... hmm.Copy !req
328. Well, I guess
that's a little different.Copy !req
329. A little, yeah.Copy !req
330. He thinks if I don't molest him,
it means I don't love him.Copy !req
331. Well, now, uh, what's he supposed to think,
Mr. Garrison?Copy !req
332. I mean, look at all the media—Copy !req
333. all the magazine ads
and television adsCopy !req
334. talking about
sexual molestation, mm-kay.Copy !req
335. He sees all that and assumes
that you didn't molest himCopy !req
336. because of some flaw
in his looks or personality.Copy !req
337. I didn't do it
because it's wrong.Copy !req
338. I know, I know,
but I'm afraid this problemCopy !req
339. has run very deep through
Mr. Garrison's mental state.Copy !req
340. I'm worried
that if you don't something,Copy !req
341. well, it could kill him.Copy !req
342. Hold on a second.Copy !req
343. Are you actually suggestingCopy !req
344. that I have sex
with my 41-year-old son?Copy !req
345. There comes a time
in every father's lifeCopy !req
346. when he must ask himself,Copy !req
347. "how far will I go to save
my son's life?" Mm-kay?Copy !req
348. Well,
I won't have sex with him!Copy !req
349. Well, I've said all I can say.Copy !req
350. I know it's difficult,Copy !req
351. but family
is about compromises, mm-kay.Copy !req
352. Don't lose your son
over this, Mr. Garrison.Copy !req
353. Don't lose your son.Copy !req
354. Mm-kay?Copy !req
355. Am I the only sane person
left on Earth?Copy !req
356. Tomorrow the world
will be tuning inCopy !req
357. as over 4 million children play
My Country 'Tis Of TheeCopy !req
358. on their recorders.Copy !req
359. It is by far
the largest gatheringCopy !req
360. of little plastic recorders
in human history.Copy !req
361. Yoko Ono has—Copy !req
362. Well, Mom said I could sleep
in the guest room tonight.Copy !req
363. Good night, Dad.Copy !req
364. Good night.Copy !req
365. Guess I'll just
go on up to bed now.Copy !req
366. Uh-huh.Copy !req
367. Don't really have any pajamas.Copy !req
368. Guess I'll just sleep
in my boxers or something.Copy !req
369. Should be fine.Copy !req
370. Uh, I'll leave the door
open a littleCopy !req
371. in case you need to see me
about anything.Copy !req
372. Won't be necessary.Copy !req
373. I'll just—
just be going up to bed now.Copy !req
374. G-guess maybe
I won't even wear those boxers.Copy !req
375. I'm not going
to molest you!Copy !req
376. You don't love me!Copy !req
377. I want to die!Copy !req
378. God damn it!Copy !req
379. I wish we could find a wayCopy !req
380. to get back
at those New Yorker kids.Copy !req
381. Yeah, they think
they're so cool.Copy !req
382. You guys!Copy !req
383. You guys, we found it!
We found it, you guys!Copy !req
384. Calm down, Cartman.
You found what?Copy !req
385. The brown noise!Copy !req
386. Kenny and me found
the brown noise!Copy !req
387. Here, look, look,
okay, let's see, okay.Copy !req
388. Okay, okay.Copy !req
389. Ready, Kenny?
- Ready.Copy !req
390. Ooh, ooh!Copy !req
391. No way.
I don't believe it.Copy !req
392. I'm seriously,
you guys.Copy !req
393. Come on, watch.Copy !req
394. Okay.Copy !req
395. Whoa, oh, my God!Copy !req
396. Oh, I crapped my pants!Copy !req
397. That's amazing.Copy !req
398. I told you guys.Copy !req
399. Dude, are you thinking
what I'm thinking?Copy !req
400. That they should bring back
Chicago HopeCopy !req
401. for another season?
- Totally!Copy !req
402. No, that we could use
the brown noiseCopy !req
403. to get back at those
asshole New Yorker kids.Copy !req
404. Oh!
- Yeah, dude.Copy !req
405. They should bring back
another seasonCopy !req
406. of Chicago Hope though,
seriously.Copy !req
407. Hey, what's the matter
there, Garrison?Copy !req
408. You look kind of sad.Copy !req
409. Oh, I'm havin'
some troubles at home.Copy !req
410. Well, come on,
tell us about it.Copy !req
411. We always help each other out,
don't we, fellas?Copy !req
412. Yeah!
- Yeah, that's right.Copy !req
413. Yeah.Copy !req
414. Alright,
it's just that—Copy !req
415. I mean, we're all
family men here, right?Copy !req
416. Sure!
- Sure are!Copy !req
417. I am, I know that.Copy !req
418. Well, can I ask you guys
a difficult question?Copy !req
419. Absolutely.
- Of course.Copy !req
420. Come on, Garrison.Copy !req
421. Alright,
would you have sex with you sonCopy !req
422. to save his life?Copy !req
423. Oh, this is one of them
scruples questions,Copy !req
424. ain't it?Copy !req
425. No, no,
I got a better one:Copy !req
426. would you have sex
with your motherCopy !req
427. to save your father's life?Copy !req
428. Ooh!
- Oh, yeah.Copy !req
429. Oh, like if someone had a gun
to your father's head and said,Copy !req
430. "have sex with your mother,
or else I'll shoot him"?Copy !req
431. Yeah.
- Ooh, that's a tough one.Copy !req
432. Hmm...Copy !req
433. No, no, wait,
uh... you don't understand.Copy !req
434. How 'bout
if someone made youCopy !req
435. have sex with your
mother and fatherCopy !req
436. to save your own life?Copy !req
437. No!Copy !req
438. No way.Copy !req
439. But if it was
to save my mother's life,Copy !req
440. I think I would have
to have sex with my father.Copy !req
441. Yep.
- Me too.Copy !req
442. Well, I think
that goes without saying.Copy !req
443. Actually,
I'm just talking about a son.Copy !req
444. Well, personally,Copy !req
445. I would have sex with my son
to save my mother's life.Copy !req
446. It depends—how big a gun
are we talkin' here?Copy !req
447. Uh, he doesn't have a gun.Copy !req
448. The father doesn't have a gun?Copy !req
449. No! Nobody's got a gun!Copy !req
450. I think if someone saidCopy !req
451. "have sex
with your mother,Copy !req
452. or else I'm gonna
kill your son,"Copy !req
453. but he didn't
have a gun,Copy !req
454. I wouldn't do it.Copy !req
455. He could have
a knife, though.Copy !req
456. Yeah.
- Right.Copy !req
457. Sure, a knife.Copy !req
458. If a killer put a knife
to my throat and said,Copy !req
459. "have sex
with your fatherCopy !req
460. "or else I'm gonna kill
your motherCopy !req
461. while having sex with you,"Copy !req
462. I would have sex
with myself.Copy !req
463. Yeah, I would.
- Uh-huh.Copy !req
464. That makes sense.Copy !req
465. What's he talking about?
What'd he say?Copy !req
466. How do we write the note,
Cartman?Copy !req
467. "Lowest E Flat..."Copy !req
468. I think it
looks like this.Copy !req
469. Alright,
now all we doCopy !req
470. is wipe out the last note
on their sheet musicCopy !req
471. and change it to the tone
Cartman played.Copy !req
472. Come on.Copy !req
473. There!Copy !req
474. That should do it.Copy !req
475. Sweet, I can't wait
to see 'em crap their pantsCopy !req
476. in front of everybody, you
guys.Copy !req
477. Okay,
let's get back to the room.Copy !req
478. What's this?Copy !req
479. Revised music for tomorrow?Copy !req
480. Chip, did you get
revised music for tomorrow?Copy !req
481. What?Copy !req
482. Miss Ono
has made revisions again.Copy !req
483. We've got to get these copied
4 million timesCopy !req
484. and make the revisions
to the projected music.Copy !req
485. Come on, hurry!Copy !req
486. Dad?Copy !req
487. I—I'm just fast asleep,
not hearing anything.Copy !req
488. Oh! Whoa!Copy !req
489. Oh, Dad!Copy !req
490. Oh, goodness gracious!Copy !req
491. Don't stop, Dad, stop!
Well, how could you?Copy !req
492. Well, Mom, Dad...
I guess I better be going.Copy !req
493. The concert's
gonna start soon.Copy !req
494. Are you sure you can't
stay one more night, Son?Copy !req
495. No, I think
all my work here is done.Copy !req
496. Dad, I don't know what to say.Copy !req
497. I feel closer to you
than I ever have.Copy !req
498. Well, I just hope that now
we can put the past behind usCopy !req
499. and—and try to be
a normal family again.Copy !req
500. We sure can.Copy !req
501. Well, I've got a worldwide
telecast recorder concertCopy !req
502. to get to.Copy !req
503. We'll be watching on TV.
Make us proud, son.Copy !req
504. I will.Copy !req
505. Good bye, Mom.
Good bye, Dad.Copy !req
506. You did the right thing,
Papa.Copy !req
507. I didn't do squat.Copy !req
508. Here you go,
a hundred bucks.Copy !req
509. Oh, that's okay,
keep your money.Copy !req
510. Thanks.Copy !req
511. Live from Oklahoma City,Copy !req
512. 4 million
third-grade studentsCopy !req
513. from all over the country,Copy !req
514. playing My Country 'Tis Of Thee
on their recorders.Copy !req
515. Fasten your seatbelt.Copy !req
516. Dude, I can't wait till
those New Yorker kidsCopy !req
517. play the brown noise
and crap their pants.Copy !req
518. We have to watch them.
We can't miss it.Copy !req
519. Are we all
ready to play?Copy !req
520. Thanks.Copy !req
521. Okay, let's see the music.Copy !req
522. This is gonna be sweet!Copy !req
523. Oh, no, dude, look!
It's the music we changed.Copy !req
524. Uh-oh.Copy !req
525. Dude, if 4 million peopleCopy !req
526. play the brown noise
at the same time...Copy !req
527. One, two...Copy !req
528. No!Copy !req
529. Stop, stop!Copy !req
530. Aren't those our boys?Copy !req
531. Oh, no!
What are they doing?Copy !req
532. No!Copy !req
533. Tom, I'm standing
in New York city,Copy !req
534. but it could just as well
be any town on Earth right now.Copy !req
535. The desolation,
the damage is exactly the sameCopy !req
536. in every city
the whole world over.Copy !req
537. It's been just under 20 hours
since everyone on EarthCopy !req
538. pooped their pants,Copy !req
539. and people still roam
their damaged homesCopy !req
540. with disbelief and loss.Copy !req
541. Rick?Copy !req
542. Alan,
I'm standing at ground zero.Copy !req
543. Here, the damage
is greater than anywhere.Copy !req
544. Like the rest of the world,Copy !req
545. everyone here
has crapped their pants.Copy !req
546. Some crapped themselves
to death,Copy !req
547. and still others ruined
perfectly good pairs of pants.Copy !req
548. A nation mourns
and tries to rebuild,Copy !req
549. but the big question
that remains is:Copy !req
550. how did this happen?Copy !req
551. Well, I'd say other than
making everyone in the worldCopy !req
552. crap their pants,Copy !req
553. our event went over
really well.Copy !req
554. Really well? Really well?Copy !req
555. You're gonna be—
I tell you again.Copy !req
556. Alright, come on, everybody.Copy !req
557. We've got a long bus ride
back to Colorado, mm-kay?Copy !req
558. Well, that whole experience
sure did suck.Copy !req
559. Yeah, but you know,
I learned something today.Copy !req
560. We were so worried about
how cool we lookedCopy !req
561. to those New Yorker kids
that we forgot—Copy !req
562. we're already totally cool,Copy !req
563. even if we don't know
what queef means.Copy !req
564. "Queef" is a vaginal
expulsion of gas, mm-kay.Copy !req
565. Huh?Copy !req
566. Here they are.
- Yeah!Copy !req
567. Oh, brother,
let's just get out of here.Copy !req
568. Hey, not so fast.Copy !req
569. We know it was you guys
that changed the musicCopy !req
570. and made everyone on Earth
crap their pants.Copy !req
571. Uh...Copy !req
572. Yeah, we knows
all about it.Copy !req
573. Oh, no!Copy !req
574. Yeah,
me and the guys,Copy !req
575. well, we was talkin',
and well...Copy !req
576. Well, we just want you
to know thatCopy !req
577. we think you're pretty cool.Copy !req
578. Huh?
- You do?Copy !req
579. Sure.
I mean, everybody on EarthCopy !req
580. shat themselves
'cause of you,Copy !req
581. and that's pretty cool.Copy !req
582. I mean,
that's pretty amazing.Copy !req
583. Yeah, we was wrong
about you guys.Copy !req
584. We're sorry.Copy !req
585. Well, that's fine,
that's fine.Copy !req
586. Next time, just remember
that we're all pretty coolCopy !req
587. on the West Side, too,Copy !req
588. if you know what I'm saying.Copy !req
589. Yeah,
see you guys later.Copy !req
590. Come on, boys,
you're holdin' up the bus.Copy !req
591. Oh, wow, look,
it's Kenny G himself.Copy !req
592. Thank you for
a wonderful concert, Mr. G.Copy !req
593. G-good bye.Copy !req
594. Oh, well, thank you.Copy !req
595. You know, it's funny,
you kiss just like my Dad.Copy !req
596. Well, Miss Crabtree, this
certainly has been a great
trip.Copy !req
597. Let's head home.Copy !req
598. Which way should we go?Copy !req
599. Second star to the right
and straight on 'til morning.Copy !req