1. Marklar,
this is Marklar.Copy !req
2. Approaching Marklar.Copy !req
3. Proceed with Marklar
and make first contact.Copy !req
4. Marklar!Copy !req
5. Greetings, Marklars!Copy !req
6. I am Marklar!Copy !req
7. I come in Marklar!Copy !req
8. Oh, Marklar!Copy !req
9. Arrrrrgghh!Copy !req
10. Hello everyone,
I am Sister Hollis!Copy !req
11. I was chosen for my mission work
to come here to AfricaCopy !req
12. and teach you all about
the teachings of Jesus!Copy !req
13. Okay, then, do we have our Bibles
that were handed out freely?Copy !req
14. No, no, no!Copy !req
15. We don't
eat the Bibles,Copy !req
16. we read them!Copy !req
17. Now, let's turn to
Mark 3:19!Copy !req
18. Come on,
remember—Copy !req
19. reading Bible plus
accepting JesusCopy !req
20. equals food!Copy !req
21. Good!Copy !req
22. Now who can read
Mark 3:19?Copy !req
23. How about, Marvin!Copy !req
24. No, Marvin,
in God's language—Copy !req
25. English.Copy !req
26. Where are you going,
back to your life of sin?Copy !req
27. Don't you understand
that unless you find Christ,Copy !req
28. you and all your people
are doomed to eternal hellfire?Copy !req
29. Aaagghh!Copy !req
30. Waaagghgh!Copy !req
31. And so, children, that's why
Hare Krishnas are totally gay.Copy !req
32. Uhh, can I help you?Copy !req
33. Yes, I'm Conley,
and this is Finks.Copy !req
34. We're with the CIA.Copy !req
35. We're here to speak with
some of your students.Copy !req
36. You, you, you and you.Copy !req
37. Oh for Pete's sake, what have
you bastards done now?Copy !req
38. Ay, that was Kyle that went
number two in the urinal!Copy !req
39. No it wasn't,
fat ass!Copy !req
40. I saw you do it!Copy !req
41. Boys, we need to
talk to youCopy !req
42. about a matter of
national security, now!Copy !req
43. I hope you
give 'em the chair!Copy !req
44. Anyway, children,
as I was saying,Copy !req
45. the Hare Krishnas
are totally gay...Copy !req
46. Oh dude,
this is not good.Copy !req
47. Relax, fat ass.Copy !req
48. No dude, I've
seen this on TV.Copy !req
49. They shine that
light in your faceCopy !req
50. and then try to get you
to tell them stuffCopy !req
51. by squeezing your balls
really hard!Copy !req
52. What?Copy !req
53. Dude, I've seen it!Copy !req
54. They grab your balls with
their leather-gloved handsCopy !req
55. and squeeze as hard
as they canCopy !req
56. until they pop
like little grapes!Copy !req
57. Ow, dude!Copy !req
58. Start with Kenny! Start with Kenny!Copy !req
59. Relax, boys, we just
need to talk with you.Copy !req
60. I told you,
fat ass.Copy !req
61. Approximately 31 hours ago,Copy !req
62. an ethnic-looking child
was spotted flyingCopy !req
63. some kind of state-of-the-art
aircraft over Chinese airspace.Copy !req
64. Whoa, cool!Copy !req
65. Cool?Copy !req
66. The craft appears to have
enough plutonium fuel aboardCopy !req
67. to blow up a large city.Copy !req
68. Do you think
that's 'cool'?Copy !req
69. Totally!Copy !req
70. Alright children, we just
need to know one thing:Copy !req
71. do you know...
this person?Copy !req
72. Hey, that's
Starvin' Marvin!Copy !req
73. Shh!
- Who?Copy !req
74. You dumb-ass, Cartman!Copy !req
75. Now they're gonna go
squeeze his balls!Copy !req
76. Oh... we
don't know him.Copy !req
77. We already know
you know him.Copy !req
78. We have this!Copy !req
79. Now, who is he!Copy !req
80. Kyle's making mud pies,
you guys want one?Copy !req
81. This is getting us nowhere.Copy !req
82. We'll have to resort to
more drastic measures.Copy !req
83. But they're just kids,
we can't torture them!Copy !req
84. Look, we don't know what
that craft is capable ofCopy !req
85. but the kid is going to have
to land it somewhere.Copy !req
86. God only knows what sadistic,
backwards third-world countryCopy !req
87. could get their hands
on that ship!Copy !req
88. Oi, look up there!Copy !req
89. It's a UFO!Copy !req
90. Oi, that's one
creeeepy alien.Copy !req
91. Talk to him, mayor!Copy !req
92. Great and noble
alien creature,Copy !req
93. as mayor of the
fine planet of AustraliaCopy !req
94. I welcome you to our fine...
planet of Australia.Copy !req
95. Chippy, chip!Copy !req
96. Choorah!Copy !req
97. Look out,
he's got a gun!Copy !req
98. Aaaghgh!Copy !req
99. Wait, it's
not a gun!Copy !req
100. It's a piece
a pay-pa!Copy !req
101. Oh.Copy !req
102. Oh, I think he's
trying to tell us thatCopy !req
103. he wants to relocate all his
species here to Australia!Copy !req
104. Well, you certainly
are welcome here, alien.Copy !req
105. In fact, there's
a mission right over thereCopy !req
106. that will take all
of your people in!Copy !req
107. Hello!Copy !req
108. Guess the little pecker
doesn't like missionaries.Copy !req
109. Now, I'll
ask you again...Copy !req
110. Who is the little boy
that took our ship?Copy !req
111. We... we don't know...Copy !req
112. Aaaagaghgh!Copy !req
113. Aaaagghgh!Copy !req
114. Who is this person?Copy !req
115. K-kill me...Copy !req
116. Do it again!Copy !req
117. Aaaghghgh!Copy !req
118. No, wait...
I'll-I'll tell you.Copy !req
119. He's... he's a little
starving Ethiopian kid...Copy !req
120. We adopted him.Copy !req
121. Cartman!Copy !req
122. Adopted from who?Copy !req
123. Sally...
Sally Struthers...Copy !req
124. The lady on TV...Copy !req
125. She knows everything...
Sally Struthers.Copy !req
126. Sally Struthers!
Where can we find her?Copy !req
127. I know exactly where
Sally Struthers is!Copy !req
128. Let them go.Copy !req
129. Good job,
fat ass!Copy !req
130. Dude, I couldn't
take that balloon.Copy !req
131. Another couple hours of thatCopy !req
132. and I would have been
totally pissed off.Copy !req
133. Whatever, let's go see
what's on TV.Copy !req
134. Gentlemen, Ms. Struthers
can see you now.Copy !req
135. Now I'm warning you, Bill,
Sally Struthers is a bit heavy.Copy !req
136. But don't say anything because
she's pretty sensitive.Copy !req
137. Oh I would never
say anything.Copy !req
138. I saw some show where they made
fun of Sally Struthers' weightCopy !req
139. and I thought it was
totally cruel.Copy !req
140. I mean, she helps people,
you know?Copy !req
141. Ah, Mrs. Struthers...Copy !req
142. Ho, ho, ho, ho...Copy !req
143. Ms. Struthers, we understand
you have helped raiseCopy !req
144. millions of dollars to help
starving children in Ethiopia.Copy !req
145. We need information
on one of the Ethiopians.Copy !req
146. You must tell us everything
you know about him.Copy !req
147. Doh ba-kin?Copy !req
148. His name is
Starving Marvin.Copy !req
149. Why yes, it is a
"Chocolate Yum Yum Bar",
Ms. Struthers...Copy !req
150. And there are several more
where that came from.Copy !req
151. Of course, if you don't want to
tell us about the Ethiopian
boy...Copy !req
152. Mo naka!Copy !req
153. I'm glad we can
do business...Copy !req
154. Come on dude, there's
gotta be something aboutCopy !req
155. Starvin' Marvin
in the news.Copy !req
156. Well, I can't find anything.
Wait what's this?Copy !req
157. God wants you
to send us money.Copy !req
158. He needs you to send us money
so we can help others...Copy !req
159. Oh, my God,
this guy again.Copy !req
160. Why would anybody send
this asshole money?Copy !req
161. Mpphmprph mrph mrph.Copy !req
162. Holy shit!Copy !req
163. Whoa!Copy !req
164. Aw! Awww!Copy !req
165. Oh, weak!Copy !req
166. Starvin' Marvin!Copy !req
167. He did take a ship!Copy !req
168. Well nice job, Marvin.
I hope you gotCopy !req
169. about a thousand dollars
to pay for my house!Copy !req
170. Dude, you're gonna get busted
for taking this thing.Copy !req
171. I think he wants us
to get in!Copy !req
172. Kick ass!Copy !req
173. Wow, this thing
is awesome!Copy !req
174. Let's go somewhere!Copy !req
175. This is great!Copy !req
176. Yeah, but where is that
crappy song coming from?Copy !req
177. Can we turn that off?Copy !req
178. Yeah, that's better.Copy !req
179. Hello, how are we
doing today?Copy !req
180. Look what I got
for you—Copy !req
181. No, it's not food,
it's a cross!Copy !req
182. And it has your new Christian
name printed on it.Copy !req
183. From now on,
you are "Michael."Copy !req
184. Can you say
"Michael"?Copy !req
185. Click?Copy !req
186. Miiii-chael.Copy !req
187. Click.Copy !req
188. Oh, well,
you'll get it.Copy !req
189. Hello, brother David, do you
have any sins to confess?Copy !req
190. Anybody?
Sins to confess?Copy !req
191. Joshua?Copy !req
192. You know, today I am reminded of
psalm 46, line 39.Copy !req
193. "though the
mountains shake and—"Copy !req
194. Here they are!
- Who are you?Copy !req
195. We're with the
American government!Copy !req
196. Sally Struthers told us where
we'd find Marvin's parents!Copy !req
197. Hello there, Mr. and Mrs.
Click Click Derk!Copy !req
198. I think you know
why we're here!Copy !req
199. No dude, you don't want to
bring your people to Mexico.Copy !req
200. There's missionaries
there, too.Copy !req
201. No way, not Utah!Copy !req
202. Utah's nothing but
missionaries!Copy !req
203. Dude, it looks like he's
tried everywhere in the world.Copy !req
204. Well he hasn't
been... here yet.Copy !req
205. Where's this?Copy !req
206. Wwwaaaaaghghgh!Copy !req
207. What the hell
did you hit, Cartman?Copy !req
208. Oh, my God, what the hell
is that thing?Copy !req
209. Aaaaggghhhh!Copy !req
210. Aaaaggghhhh!Copy !req
211. Where are we?Copy !req
212. We're on, like,
some foreign planet.Copy !req
213. This place is rad!Copy !req
214. Look at all the trees
and stuff!Copy !req
215. Greetings,
welcome, to Marklar.Copy !req
216. Uh, thanks.Copy !req
217. I am Marklar,
leader of the Marklar.Copy !req
218. Uh, cool.
My name is Stan,Copy !req
219. and, uh,
I'm the leader of Earth.Copy !req
220. Marklar to you.Copy !req
221. Cool!
- Ay, I'm the leader of earth!Copy !req
222. Screw you, Cartman,
I called leader first.Copy !req
223. Well, you can call leader
till your ass bleeds,Copy !req
224. but it doesn't
make it true!Copy !req
225. We are very thankful to you for
bringing our Marklar back to us.Copy !req
226. Wait, I thought you called
your planet Marklar.Copy !req
227. Oh, here on Marklar, we refer to
all people, places and things
as Marklar.Copy !req
228. Well, our friend Marvin
and all his peopleCopy !req
229. have to live on a part
of Earth that sucks ass.Copy !req
230. They can't grow food
or nothing.Copy !req
231. Yeah, so it would be really
cool if you would letCopy !req
232. Marvin and all his people
come live here.Copy !req
233. Well, there is a lot
of room on Marklar.Copy !req
234. If Marklar here wants to
bring his Marklar to Marklar,Copy !req
235. that would be fine.Copy !req
236. Just take our Marklar
back to MarklarCopy !req
237. and bring all the
Marklar back with you.Copy !req
238. Uh... Thanks.Copy !req
239. Let's go through this
one more time Mr. and Mrs.
Click Click Derk!Copy !req
240. Your son Marvin
has a ship that we want.Copy !req
241. How can we get it
from him?Copy !req
242. We are the CIA!Copy !req
243. That ship needs
to be with us!Copy !req
244. Maybe we should just take
something precious of yours!Copy !req
245. Huh?Copy !req
246. A-ha! This!Copy !req
247. This... gourd-thingy,
for instance!Copy !req
248. How do you like that, huh?Copy !req
249. If you ever want to see this...
little thingy again,Copy !req
250. I suggest you
contact your boy!Copy !req
251. There it is!Copy !req
252. Back away from
the spacecraft, children!Copy !req
253. No, no! It's okay!Copy !req
254. The ship took us
to another planet!Copy !req
255. A beautiful, lush place
called Marklar!Copy !req
256. Yeah, and the leader, he said
that all the EthiopiansCopy !req
257. can go live there!Copy !req
258. An alien race?Copy !req
259. Have they heard
the word of Christ?Copy !req
260. No, never!
It's perfect!Copy !req
261. Oh, no,
those poor souls!Copy !req
262. We must spread
the gospel to them!Copy !req
263. What?Copy !req
264. Come on, Marvin, we got to
get your people to MarklarCopy !req
265. before the
missionaries do!Copy !req
266. You'll do nothing
of the kind!Copy !req
267. This ship is now property of
the United States government!Copy !req
268. No!Copy !req
269. Call those boys' mothers.Copy !req
270. I'm sure they'll be very
interested in the troubleCopy !req
271. their boys
have been up to!Copy !req
272. Oh, no, dude!Copy !req
273. You know Susan, there's so many
great missionaries doing workCopy !req
274. out there in
parts of Africa.Copy !req
275. We're trying to get bibles
to people all over the worldCopy !req
276. and what we need is the
help of everyone out thereCopy !req
277. so we can continue
these projects.Copy !req
278. Now, listen to this, Susan.Copy !req
279. One of our missionaries
in North AfricaCopy !req
280. has made an
amazing discovery—Copy !req
281. a new planet in the galaxy
Alpha Seti 6Copy !req
282. that has intelligent
life on it.Copy !req
283. Amazing!Copy !req
284. Now, we're not sure what these
hyper-intelligent beings look
like,Copy !req
285. but one thing is for sure,Copy !req
286. they have never heard
of Jesus Christ.Copy !req
287. What can we do at the 600 Club
to help those poor aliens?Copy !req
288. What we need, Susan, is
we need money to build
an interstellar cruiser.Copy !req
289. Now, this spaceship will be able
to travel through a wormholeCopy !req
290. and deliver the message and
glory of Jesus ChristCopy !req
291. to those
godless aliens!Copy !req
292. Send your money now.
Amen!Copy !req
293. I want everyone to keep a
safe distance from the craftCopy !req
294. until we can
run some tests!Copy !req
295. Excuse me, gentlemen, uh,
Tom Brokaw is here to see you.Copy !req
296. Tom Brokaw?
Oh no, the press already?Copy !req
297. Ah, good day, gentlemen.Copy !req
298. Uh-huh...
Mr. Brokaw, I presume?Copy !req
299. You presume wisely, sir.Copy !req
300. I'm here to get the big story,
the big scoop.Copy !req
301. I understand that you found some
kind of ship from an alien race.Copy !req
302. Seeing as though I am
Pulitzer prize-winning
Tom Brokaw—Copy !req
303. Look, kid, did you really think
this was going to fool anybody?Copy !req
304. You don't look
anything like Tom Brokaw!Copy !req
305. What?
Dare you question my integri'tah?Copy !req
306. I told you Tom Brokaw doesn't
have a mustache, fat ass!Copy !req
307. Wha—?Copy !req
308. Oh, I had some
bad burritos today.Copy !req
309. Alright, boys, time to get back
to your quarters!Copy !req
310. Oh.Copy !req
311. Son of a bitch!Copy !req
312. Run for it!
Get em!Copy !req
313. Kenny!
- Forget him! He's done for!Copy !req
314. He's not done for!
He's standing right there!Copy !req
315. No, no! He's
done for! C'mon!Copy !req
316. Nooo!Copy !req
317. Dammit, dammit, dammit!Copy !req
318. Alright, we made it!
- Okay, Marvin,Copy !req
319. Time to take your people
to their new home!Copy !req
320. What was that?Copy !req
321. This is the Missionary 600.Copy !req
322. We have you locked on,
fire ready.Copy !req
323. Turn back right now!Copy !req
324. Aagh! Waaghh!Copy !req
325. They're shooting at us!
- Quick, Marvin, get us to Marklar!Copy !req
326. Well, how'd we
do it last time?Copy !req
327. Cartman just hit the button
and the ship flew itself.Copy !req
328. Which button did
you press, Cartman!Copy !req
329. I don't remember.Copy !req
330. You don't remember?Copy !req
331. You dumb-ass, Cartman!
- Ay! I was under duress!Copy !req
332. Maybe it was this one...Copy !req
333. Arrrrhh!Copy !req
334. Their ship seems to be made
out of a super-strong alloy.Copy !req
335. These lasers aren't
powerful enough!Copy !req
336. Everyone, the word of the God
is going around the world,Copy !req
337. and all your help is
so greatly appreciated.Copy !req
338. What we need now is
an argon-crystal laser.Copy !req
339. You see, an argon-crystal laser
can pierce thick space hullsCopy !req
340. in a way that
other lasers just can't.Copy !req
341. Send your money now.
Uh, thank you.Copy !req
342. Konba do naka bi?Copy !req
343. Ms. Struthers, we understand
that you have a ship
of your own,Copy !req
344. one capable of
interstellar travel.Copy !req
345. We need to use your ship
to catch those boys.Copy !req
346. We will do anything
for that technology.Copy !req
347. Ms. Struthers, if those Ethiopians
make it to another planet,Copy !req
348. who will send money
to your foundation?Copy !req
349. Without Ethiopians...
you have no food.Copy !req
350. Wo!
So chaka kuram!Copy !req
351. Oh, that won't be
a problem, Ms. Struthers...Copy !req
352. We have collateral.Copy !req
353. Mph rmph!Copy !req
354. Ho ho ho ho!Copy !req
355. Hee hee hee hee!Copy !req
356. I have the infidels
in my sights!Copy !req
357. Holy shit!Copy !req
358. Holy crap!
They have photon torpedoes!Copy !req
359. Now our deflector shields
are uselessCopy !req
360. against photon torpedoes,Copy !req
361. and we really need your
support on this one folks.Copy !req
362. Here at the 600 Club,
we need your moneyCopy !req
363. to spread
the word of JesusCopy !req
364. and build more advanced
deflector shields for our
galactic cruiser.Copy !req
365. Call now, and we'll give you
this free pin!Copy !req
366. You got 'em, Marvin!Copy !req
367. Yeah, now
finish 'em off!Copy !req
368. Deflector shields failing.Copy !req
369. Where did that
come from?Copy !req
370. Wo ho ho ho!Copy !req
371. Good! Now get them
in our tractor beam!Copy !req
372. Now, we've got 'em!Copy !req
373. Ho, ho, ho, ho...
- It's Sally Struthers!Copy !req
374. Well, it appears they'll be
going back to Ethiopia,Copy !req
375. so we can go on
to the aliens!Copy !req
376. Sorry, Marvin...
we tried...Copy !req
377. Wait!
Ms. Struthers, Ms. Struthers?Copy !req
378. Whoa?
=Ms. Struthers, please,Copy !req
379. just listen to me
for one second.Copy !req
380. You started the Feed
the Children Foundation
for wonderful reasons.Copy !req
381. To help starving, helpless
people who lived in a rotten
part of the world.Copy !req
382. Well, it's for those reasons
we want to help our friend
Marvin now.Copy !req
383. Ms. Struthers, don't forget
the gift we gave you—Copy !req
384. the child in carbonite.Copy !req
385. Ms. Struthers, you help so many people.Copy !req
386. And you taught us that helping people is what
life is all about.Copy !req
387. All we want to do...
is be like you.Copy !req
388. What the—Copy !req
389. She bought it!Copy !req
390. Sally Struthers
is saving us!Copy !req
391. Now stay with me
on this one, folks...Copy !req
392. Sally Struthers has
a Tiberian Junker,Copy !req
393. which is the favored ship
of the Hutts,Copy !req
394. and she has trapped
our new CBC Ship in a...Copy !req
395. Positronic Tractor Beam.Copy !req
396. So we're gonna need an
Ionic Tractor Disrupter.Copy !req
397. Now, not a regular
Ionic Tractor DisrupterCopy !req
398. but a Negative
Ionic Tractor DisrupterCopy !req
399. to, uh, help spread
the word of Jesus.Copy !req
400. I look like a fucking
idiot up here.Copy !req
401. Now's our chance!Copy !req
402. Wait—I remember!
It was the red button!Copy !req
403. They've opened
the wormhole!Copy !req
404. It's pulling us in!Copy !req
405. Arrrrrrghh!Copy !req
406. Arrrrhhhhh!Copy !req
407. Please, please, please,
we are confused!Copy !req
408. You must explain
one-at-a-Marklar!Copy !req
409. Alien friend, we are here to
spread the word of Jesus.Copy !req
410. He died for your sins.Copy !req
411. Who, Marklar?Copy !req
412. We brought Marvin and
his people to live hereCopy !req
413. but these buttholes
followed us!Copy !req
414. Brought... Marklar?Copy !req
415. What is Marklar?Copy !req
416. Here on Marklar,
everyone and everythingCopy !req
417. is referred
to as "Marklar".Copy !req
418. Doesn't that
get confusing?Copy !req
419. Oh no, watch this—Copy !req
420. Hey, Marklar!Copy !req
421. Yes?Copy !req
422. You see?Copy !req
423. Wait!Copy !req
424. Wait, I think I can
explain this whole thing...Copy !req
425. Marklar...Copy !req
426. These Marklars want to
change your Marklar.Copy !req
427. They don't want this Marklar or
any of his Marklars to live hereCopy !req
428. because it's bad
for their Marklar.Copy !req
429. They use Marklar to
try and force MarklarsCopy !req
430. to believe their Marklar.Copy !req
431. If you let them stay here,
they will build Marklars
and Marklars.Copy !req
432. They will take all your Marklars
and replace them with Marklar.Copy !req
433. These Marklars have no good
Marklar to live on MarklarCopy !req
434. so they must come here
to Marklar.Copy !req
435. Please, let these Marklars stay
where they can grow and prosperCopy !req
436. without any Marklars,
Marklars or Marklars.Copy !req
437. Young Marklar, your Marklars
are wise and true.Copy !req
438. What the hell
did he say?Copy !req
439. Wow, good job, dude!Copy !req
440. Thanks.Copy !req
441. The Marklars can stay!Copy !req
442. Alright!Copy !req
443. You Marklars must leave.Copy !req
444. But you will all burn
forever in eternal hellfire!Copy !req
445. Yes, that's nice.Copy !req
446. Thank you
for stopping by.Copy !req
447. Well, Marvin, it was sure
cool seeing you again.Copy !req
448. No, we gotta go,
Sally StruthersCopy !req
449. is gonna give us
a ride back to Earth.Copy !req
450. Bo chaka bi!Copy !req
451. Goodbye, Marvin!Copy !req
452. Maybe we'll come
visit sometime!Copy !req
453. Yeah, and maybe Jesse Jackson'll
be president!Copy !req
454. Dude!
- What?Copy !req
455. We're not gonna
come visit him.Copy !req
456. I know, but you
don't tell him that!Copy !req
457. Whatever.Copy !req