1. Hello, everybody.
I'm Matt Stone.
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2. And I'm Trey Parker.
This here is Macon.
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3. Say hi, old fella.
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4. We're back to show you
the versatility and nutrition
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5. of one of nature's
perfect foods...
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6. Bacon!
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7. That's right,
today, we're gonna make
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8. French bacon sandwiches.
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9. How does that sound?
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10. Let's start by cooking
the bacon.
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11. Butter.
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12. Bacon.
Salt.
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13. Ooh, doesn't that smell good,
Macon?
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14. Well, while we're waiting
for our bacon to cook,
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15. let's watch our favorite
episode of "South Park."
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16. It's called "Flashbacks."
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17. It's all about the kids
getting stuck on the school bus
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18. and their driver, Ms. Crabtree,
falling in love.
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19. Flashback episodes
are what you do
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20. when you're near the end
of a season
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21. and you're fresh out
of new ideas.
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22. Hey, you ready for some bacon,
Macon?
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23. Macon loves bacon.
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24. Okay, you want it?
You want it? Do you want it?
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25. Yeah, that's a buddy.
A little more bacon.
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26. Little more bacon. Yeah.
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27. So sit back, relax,
and enjoy "Flashbacks."
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28. And when we return,
French bacon sandwiches.
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29. Mmm.
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30. Be quiet back there!
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31. These roads are slick!
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32. Hey, Cartman!
- What?
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33. Are you gonna share any of
that cake with the rest of us?
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34. Hmm, let me think... no.
- Come on, fat ass!
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35. You shouldn't be eating
all that cake anyway.
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36. Mmm. It's chocolatey
and delightful.
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37. Give us some, Cartman!
- Be quiet back there!
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38. Whoa dude, the road is
really snowy out there.
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39. Dude, the road
is always snowy.
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40. I know,
but it's really snowy today.
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41. Mmm...
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42. I can't possibly finish
this whole cake.
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43. Oh, yes, I can.
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44. Shut up, Cartman!
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45. Okay, that does it!
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46. Y'all be quiet,
or the cute little bunny dies!
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47. Dude, she always tries
to quiet us down
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48. by threatening to
kill that bunny,
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49. but I wonder if she ever would.
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50. Oh, she would, dude.
She would.
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51. Oh, for Christ's sake,
I don't believe this!
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52. Come on, fat boy,
give us some cake now.
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53. I cannot possibly
eat one more bit
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54. of this chocolatey goodness.
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55. Oh, wait, wait, I'll try.
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56. Damn it, Cartman,
you are such a fat!
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57. What did you say?
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58. Uh-oh.
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59. Hold on!
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60. I'm scared!
- Be quiet, kids!
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61. And right up here you can see
a red-bellied chickadee.
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62. They're indigenous
to this area.
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63. What was that?
- What was what?
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64. All done.
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65. Sit down and shut up!
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66. I said quiet!
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67. Or else I kill the bunny!
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68. Where are we?
- I have no idea.
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69. I don't think we're in
a very safe spot.
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70. - Yeah, what are we
supposed to do?
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71. Just keep your traps shut.
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72. I'll consult the manual.
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73. Miss Crabtree?
- Shut up, kid!
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74. I have to watch
a training video!
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75. Hello, and welcome
to tape seven
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76. of the bus driver's
video guidebook,
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77. "What to Do
If You Become Stranded."
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78. By now you've calmed down
the children
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79. and kept order
by using the "keep quiet
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80. or I'll kill the bunny"
technique.
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81. Now it's time to get help.
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82. The most important thing
to remember
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83. is that the children
will be safe
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84. as long as they stay
on the bus.
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85. So do not,
under any circumstances,
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86. let any children off the bus.
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87. The best way to achieve this
is to tell them
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88. something like,
"A big scary monster
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89. will eat you
if you step off the bus."
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90. - Kids, do not
get off this bus!
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91. If you do, a big, scary
monster will eat you!
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92. - That's right.
With the children
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93. properly subdued,
you can leave the bus
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94. and go out looking
for assistance.
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95. And remember
your bus driver's code:
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96. "Sit down and shut up."
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97. I'm going for help!
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98. I'll be back as soon as I can!
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99. Remember,
don't get off this bus
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100. or a big, scary monster
will eat you!
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101. Hey, why doesn't
the scary monster eat her?
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102. 'Cause, dumb-ass,
scary monsters don't eat
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103. big fat smelly bitches.
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104. What did you say?
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105. I said Larry King will
grant me three wishes!
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106. Oh.
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107. Dude, this is not good.
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108. She could have at least
left the heat on.
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109. Had to happen to me, didn't it?
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110. Oh, it's supper time.
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111. Come to papa.
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112. Oh, hello, little lady.
Going my way?
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113. Shut up and help me
into this thing!
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114. Oh, okay.
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115. Come on,
I haven't got all day!
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116. All right, sure, of course.
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117. Take me to the nearest town,
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118. and make it snappy,
you freak-ass crackpot!
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119. Y-yes, ma'am,
right away, ma'am.
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120. So, uh, what's a fragile
little doll like yourself
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121. doing out on a—
on a night like this?
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122. Look, mister,
I got a busload of kids
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123. trapped up on that pass.
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124. I need a crane, helicopters,
all that crap!
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125. Here, let me have
some of your aspirin!
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126. Ma'am, those are
actually roofies.
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127. Roofies, aspirin—
right now,
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128. I don't give a rat's ass!
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129. How far to the nearest town?
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130. Mm... it's a ways.
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131. You guys, what if
Miss Crabtree doesn't come back
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132. and we're all trapped
here forever?
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133. We couldn't get trapped
here forever, Cartman.
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134. We'd die after
a couple of days.
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135. Dude!
- What?
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136. I don't want to die
on this bus with you assholes.
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137. You guys suck!
- Will you just relax?
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138. We've been in a lot worse
situations than this
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139. and come out of it just fine.
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140. Worse than this?
- Well, sure.
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141. Don't you remember that time
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142. that the aliens kidnapped
your little brother, Ike?
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143. Now that was scary.
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144. How come the visitors
aren't coming for him?
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145. I think we have to
signal them somehow.
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146. Ow!
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147. Hey! He's like Rudolph!
- Yeah!
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148. All you have to do
is fart some more, Cartman,
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149. and the visitors
are sure to come!
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150. Really? Uh... I don't think
I have to fart anymore tonight.
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151. Sure you do!
- Come on Cartman, fart!
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152. I don't wanna!
- He can't hold it in forever.
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153. Fart, damn you!
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154. Okay, that does it!
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155. Now, listen, why is it
that everything today
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156. has involved things
either going in
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157. or coming out of my ass?
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158. Whoa. Look at that!
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159. It's completely immature!
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160. Hey, it's happening again!
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161. It's an ice cream truck!
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162. Now do you believe us, Cartman?
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163. You guys can't scare me.
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164. Cartman,
there's an ice cream truck
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165. sticking out of your ass!
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166. Hey look, the aliens
are getting ice cream!
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167. Wow! I guess
everything's gonna be okay.
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168. Now that was what I call
a sticky situation.
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169. You can say that again.
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170. - Was that how it happened?
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171. Stop!
Let me off, you turd!
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172. Hey, I want to help you.
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173. I care a lot about
that busload of, uh,
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174. what was it again?
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175. Children.
- Yeah, right.
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176. Let me come with you.
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177. What the hell is this crap?
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178. I hate flying.
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179. Talk about something I hate,
it's flying.
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180. Say, are those roofies
kicking in yet?
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181. Well, I don't think so!
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182. Damn.
- You guys like impressions?
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183. No!
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184. Here's my impression
of Robert De Niro.
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185. "Hey, yous.
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186. "Yous guys.
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187. Shut up, yous."
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188. You suck!
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189. "Yous guys shut up."
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190. - Sit down and shut up!
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191. Come on, lady! I love you.
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192. You love me!
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193. I said sit down and shut up!
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194. Baby, you're wonderful.
You're a natural.
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195. You're the funniest comic
I've seen in years.
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196. Why don't you just
shut the hell up?
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197. I've got to get some assistance
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198. to my broken-down bus!
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199. Broken-down bus!
That's great! Great angle.
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200. Do you see her, dude?
- Nope.
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201. God damn it,
how long is this gonna take?
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202. She's never coming back.
Don't you get it?
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203. She's left us here
to die like pigs.
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204. Calm down, dude,
you're upsetting Kenny.
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205. - Huh?
- I can't take it anymore.
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206. I have to get out of here!
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207. No kid, you heard
what Miss Crabtree said,
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208. there's a big, black,
scary monster out there.
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209. Well, I'm not gonna sit here
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210. and wait to die
with the rest of you!
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211. If I make it back,
I'll send help.
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212. Don't do it, kid.
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213. Hmm, maybe Miss Crabtree
did make up that stuff
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214. about the big black monster.
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215. Holy crap, dude!
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216. Gross!
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217. Well, I guess nobody else
will be getting off the bus.
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218. Hello?
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219. Oh hello, Miss Cartman,
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220. It's Sharon, Stan's mother.
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221. Oh yes, Sharon, how are you?
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222. Miss Cartman,
is your son at home?
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223. Hold on, dear, let me check.
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224. Hon, I made beefy logs!
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225. I made cookie dings!
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226. No, he's not here.
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227. Well, now I am worried.
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228. I've tried all the houses,
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229. and nobody knows
where they are.
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230. Oh, dear.
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231. I'm telling you, Marty,
this woman is a natural.
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232. I haven't seen a funnier
person since Maury Povich.
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233. What's her angle?
- I can't even explain it.
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234. You have to see it.
- All right.
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235. This better be good.
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236. Come on in, come on in.
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237. - What the hell did you
bring me to Denver for,
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238. you brain-depraved
fecalphiliac?
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239. Mr. Jonas,
this is Mrs. Crabtree.
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240. Pleasure to meet you.
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241. You look like
a lump of dog shit
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242. that just got hit by a car!
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243. What did I tell you?
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244. She's fantastic.
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245. How would you like to make
a million dollars, baby?
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246. How'd you like
to suck my ass?
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247. - Let's get started right away.
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248. You gonna be all right?
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249. Don't touch me!
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250. I'm sorry,
do you need anything?
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251. No, I just...
- What?
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252. I can't help but feel like
I've forgotten something.
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253. What time is it?
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254. On Wednesday or Thursday?
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255. Dude, I think
it's Saturday now.
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256. What? I'm missing
the new "Fantasy Island"!
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257. Oh man, I don't think it's
very safe to be on this bus.
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258. Well, we can't go anywhere,
or else
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259. that big scary monster outside
will get us.
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260. What do you think it is?
- I don't know.
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261. It's a big, scary monster.
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262. Hey, maybe it's
that thing Skuzzlebutt!
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263. What?
- Don't you remember?
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264. That time we were up camping
with your uncle Jimbo and Ned?
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265. That lava's coming
right for us!
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266. Help!
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267. Jiminy Poke!
It's the real Skuzzlebutt!
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268. What? Skuzzlebutt's real?
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269. Oh my God!
Look at his leg!
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270. Hi, kids.
I'm TV's Brent Musburger.
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271. Dude, he's got
Brent Musburger for a leg!
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272. Quick, Ned, shoot it!
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273. Mm, oh, no, out of ammo.
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274. Hey, look!
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275. Dude, he's making ice cream!
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276. Skuzzlebutt kicks ass.
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277. Now that's what I call
a sticky situation.
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278. Okay, so we can agree
that the monster outside
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279. can't be Skuzzlebutt
'cause Skuzzlebutt's nice.
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280. Hey, maybe it's
our teacher, Mr. Garrison.
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281. - Don't be stupid, Cartman,
our teacher wouldn't be out
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282. lying in the forest
waiting to kill us.
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283. Oh, no?
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284. Don't you remember
the time he went crazy
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285. and tried to kill
Kathie Lee Gifford?
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286. Here she comes!
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287. Come on, you little bitch.
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288. It is with great pride
and honor
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289. that I'd like to welcome
Mrs. Kathie Lee Gifford
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290. to South Park.
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291. Thank you.
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292. Mr. Garrison, stop!
- Leave us.
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293. We must finish
what we have begun.
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294. But Mr. Garrison!
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295. She's not really
Kathie Lee Gifford.
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296. She's some kind of alien.
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297. Thank you.
I love you all.
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298. See, I told you.
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299. Well, this is going to
put a damper on the day.
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300. Let's have ice cream, everyone!
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301. Beefcake!
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302. Now that's what I call
a sticky situation.
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303. But the monster outside
couldn't be Mr. Garrison
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304. 'cause Mr. Garrison used a gun.
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305. Oh, yeah.
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306. Live from Burbank,
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307. it's "The Tonight Show
With Jay Leno"!
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308. Tonight,
Jay's special guests include
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309. Washed Up Actress
From a Sitcom
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310. and the comedy
of Mrs. Crabtree.
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311. And now here's your host,
Jay Leno!
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312. Just relax, sweetheart.
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313. You're gonna kill out there.
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314. Kill who?
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315. That's great, use that.
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316. Honey, do you need anything?
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317. Just give me another
one of them roofies.
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318. Sure.
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319. O-okay, I-let's try
to calm down, mm-kay?
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320. This type of thing
happens all the time.
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321. What do you mean?
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322. How often does an entire
third grade class go missing?
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323. - Well, 99% of the time
when a child is missing
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324. it's because
they've run away, mm-kay?
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325. Run away?
- Oy.
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326. I knew I shouldn't have made
Kyle eat that gafagahaga.
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327. How do we get our
runaway children back?
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328. Well, we just need to make
make some posters, mm-kay?
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329. Hand out brochures, okay?
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330. That way the public can know
what the children look like
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331. and can call in
if they're spotted, mm-kay?
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332. Let's get started right away.
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333. They could be halfway
to LA by now.
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334. It's only a matter of time
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335. before they're
selling their bodies
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336. and buying smack!
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337. Come on, everybody!
- We gotta find those kids!
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338. If we all put
our heads together,
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339. we can find them!
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340. We can do it!
- Hi!
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341. What was that?
- What was what?
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342. Dude, I think
the scary monster
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343. is right outside the bus.
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344. What could it be?
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345. If only we knew
what we were up against.
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346. Oh yeah, I remember that.
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347. Come back here,
you pompous son of a pansy!
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348. Don't let him touch you!
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349. You'll die if he touches you!
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350. I'm over here,
you son of a whore!
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351. Oh, my God!
Kenny killed... death!
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352. You... bastard?
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353. Yeah, but the monster
outside couldn't be death
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354. because death only touches you,
it doesn't eat you.
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355. Well, who really cares
if that monster's outside?
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356. As long as we stay on the bus,
it can't hurt us, right?
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357. Mommy!
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358. Oh, my God!
He's killing Kenny!
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359. You bastard!
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360. Oh, boy,
we're in big trouble.
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361. Hey, you guys,
can we order a pizza?
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362. What the hell are
you all staring at?
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363. Stop laughing, you whores!
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364. I said shut up!
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365. Let's hear it
for Miss Crabtree!
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366. What an up-and-comer!
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367. That was great, ma'am.
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368. Was it?
Does it even matter?
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369. What do you mean?
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370. Success is hollow, Mitch.
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371. Hollow like a dead tree.
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372. I think it's time
for me to give it up.
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373. Are you sure?
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374. I'm sure.
Let's get a cup of coffee.
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375. I wonder when the monster's
gonna come back
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376. to feed again?
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377. We just gotta stick together.
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378. Yeah, there's got to be
a way out of this.
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379. Hey, wait a minute.
- What?
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380. Remember that time
Fonzie jumped over the buses
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381. with his motorcycle?
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382. Go, Fonzie!
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383. Hey!
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384. - You can do it, Fonzie.
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385. - We believe in you, Fonz.
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386. - Hey!
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387. - Hey!
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388. - Oh, my God,
they killed Kenny!
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389. - You bastard!
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390. - Now that's what I call
a sticky situation.
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391. - You dumb-ass, Cartman,
that's not the way it happened.
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392. - Yeah, dude, Kenny just died
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393. eight hours ago
from that monster.
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394. How could he have died
back then too?
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395. - Oh yeah, I guess
that doesn't make sense.
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396. - Oh, no!
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397. Ah!
- What are we gonna do?
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398. - Now we need more weight
in the back!
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399. No, that's too much!
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400. - There, I think we got it.
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401. - I don't know how much longer
we can keep this up, dude.
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402. - Don't worry,
everything's gonna work out.
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403. It always does.
- It does?
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404. - Sure, remember that time
that that kid in the red shirt
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405. decided to go off on his own?
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406. - Well, I'm not gonna sit here
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407. and wait to die
with the rest of you!
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408. If I make it back,
I'll send help.
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409. Don't do it, kid!
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410. - Hmm, maybe Miss Crabtree
did make up
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411. that stuff about
the big black monster.
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412. Holy crap, dude!
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413. Hey, look, it's got ice cream!
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414. Hooray!
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415. Now that's what I call
a sticky situation.
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416. Wow, this is gorgeous.
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417. I don't think I've ever seen
anything so beautiful.
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418. From a distance,
this place looks like
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419. a cold damp marsh,
but once you get inside it,
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420. you realize that it has
an inner beauty
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421. far surpassing others.
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422. Thank you for sharing your time
with me, Miss Crabtree.
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423. Please, call me Muffin.
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424. I'm having
a nice time, Muffin.
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425. Me too, Marcus.
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426. I've forgotten all about
my cares in the world.
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427. Ah, damn, man,
now I'm missing
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428. the new "Barnaby Jones"!
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429. Hey, Miss Crabtree
had that little TV
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430. for the training video.
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431. Maybe we can watch TV on it.
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432. Hey, yeah!
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433. And all over America,
kids are turning
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434. to the streets
and running away.
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435. Tonight,
a very special message
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436. from the parents
of some runaway children,
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437. in hopes that their young
will hear their cry.
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438. Hello, Stanley.
It's me, Papa.
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439. Gosh, your mother and I
miss you.
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440. And I hope that,
wherever you may be,
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441. you'll hear this message.
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442. Dude, your dad's a retard.
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443. Please come home, Kyle.
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444. Dude, did it ever occur
to them to just look for us?
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445. I hope my dad doesn't sing.
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446. Hey, you guys,
remember the time
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447. I found out who my father was?
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448. Boy, do I!
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449. As I said before,
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450. the father is somebody
in this room.
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451. The father is... John Elway!
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452. Sweet!
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453. Uh-oh.
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454. This kicks ass, you guys!
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455. John Elway's my father!
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456. My father is John Elway!
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457. My father is John Elway!
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458. Get down! Get down!
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459. Come on, son.
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460. I'll buy you some ice cream.
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461. Now that's what I call a...
- Wait a minute.
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462. I thought your father
was your mother
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463. 'cause she had a penis.
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464. What? Hey!
You son of a bitch!
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465. I'll kick you in the nuts!
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466. Cartman, no!
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467. The bus is going over!
- Oh, no!
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468. Hey! We landed in ice cream.
Hooray!
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469. Wait, wait, wait, wait.
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470. This doesn't make sense.
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471. This whole thing
doesn't make any sense.
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472. I must be...
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473. Oh, man, what a weird dream.
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474. Are you okay, hon?
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475. Mom, I just dreamt
that me and Stan
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476. and Kyle and Kenny
were trapped on a bus,
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477. and we were talking
about everything
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478. that's happened to us,
except that it was all wrong
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479. and everything ended
with us eating ice cream.
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480. Oh... well, would you like
some beetles for breakfast?
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481. Yes, please.
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482. Mmm.
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483. Mmm, beetles are good
with ice cream.
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484. Oh, dude, what a nightmare.
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485. Hello?
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486. Dude, I just had
the weirdest dream.
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487. Really?
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488. Yeah, I dreamt that Cartman
dreamt that were all trapped
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489. on a bus, and then he dreamt
that we were talking about
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490. things that had happened,
only they were all wrong,
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491. and then he and his mother
ate beetles.
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492. Dude, that's a pretty
up dream.
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493. Yeah, I must be having
some real emotional problems.
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494. Hey, me and Cartman
and Kenny are going down
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495. to Happy Burger—
you want to come?
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496. Sure, I definitely don't
want to sleep anymore.
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497. See you later.
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498. I want to thank you
for making me feel
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499. alive again, Marcus.
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500. Miss Crabtree.
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501. What is it?
What's wrong?
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502. You realize I can't stay.
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503. None of this is real.
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504. It's all been a little
eight-year-old's dream.
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505. Oh, I know.
I know, Marcus.
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506. But let me just pretend
as long as I can.
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507. Sure.
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