South Park 2x7

Directed by Trey Parker

Henry Winkler as The Scary Monster (voice) • Jay Leno as Jay Leno (voice) • Brent Musburger as Brent Musburger (voice) • Bruce Howell as (voice)

While their school bus is dangling on the edge of a cliff, the boys remember some of their past adventures. Mrs. Crabtree catches a ride into town with a stranger and winds up doing a brief stint as a standup comedienne. Back in South Park, Mr. Mackey convinces the parents that their missing children must have run away. In the end it's all a dream within a dream.

Request examples:

!req South Park 2x7 [02:32]
!req South Park 2x7 [South Park 2x7]
Syntax: !req EPISODE [quote or timestamp] (max. 8 square brackets)

For quotes, now you can request by index (e.g !req South Park 2x7 [10-11]; !req South Park 2x7 [20] [24]). Keep in mind, though, that index numbers might change at any time.
You can also generate a copy command with the quotes. Hover the desired subtitle and enter the amount of lines you want to copy.

Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

Note: you must use specific languages with their specific pages/discord channels.

1. Hello, everybody. I'm Matt Stone.

2. And I'm Trey Parker. This here is Macon.

3. Say hi, old fella.

4. We're back to show you the versatility and nutrition

5. of one of nature's perfect foods...

6. Bacon!

7. That's right, today, we're gonna make

8. French bacon sandwiches.

9. How does that sound?

10. Let's start by cooking the bacon.

11. Butter.

12. Bacon. Salt.

13. Ooh, doesn't that smell good, Macon?

14. Well, while we're waiting for our bacon to cook,

15. let's watch our favorite episode of "South Park."

16. It's called "Flashbacks."

17. It's all about the kids getting stuck on the school bus

18. and their driver, Ms. Crabtree, falling in love.

19. Flashback episodes are what you do

20. when you're near the end of a season

21. and you're fresh out of new ideas.

22. Hey, you ready for some bacon, Macon?

23. Macon loves bacon.

24. Okay, you want it? You want it? Do you want it?

25. Yeah, that's a buddy. A little more bacon.

26. Little more bacon. Yeah.

27. So sit back, relax, and enjoy "Flashbacks."

28. And when we return, French bacon sandwiches.

29. Mmm.

30. Be quiet back there!

31. These roads are slick!

32. Hey, Cartman! - What?

33. Are you gonna share any of that cake with the rest of us?

34. Hmm, let me think... no. - Come on, fat ass!

35. You shouldn't be eating all that cake anyway.

36. Mmm. It's chocolatey and delightful.

37. Give us some, Cartman! - Be quiet back there!

38. Whoa dude, the road is really snowy out there.

39. Dude, the road is always snowy.

40. I know, but it's really snowy today.

41. Mmm...

42. I can't possibly finish this whole cake.

43. Oh, yes, I can.

44. Shut up, Cartman!

45. Okay, that does it!

46. Y'all be quiet, or the cute little bunny dies!

47. Dude, she always tries to quiet us down

48. by threatening to kill that bunny,

49. but I wonder if she ever would.

50. Oh, she would, dude. She would.

51. Oh, for Christ's sake, I don't believe this!

52. Come on, fat boy, give us some cake now.

53. I cannot possibly eat one more bit

54. of this chocolatey goodness.

55. Oh, wait, wait, I'll try.

56. Damn it, Cartman, you are such a fat!

57. What did you say?

58. Uh-oh.

59. Hold on!

60. I'm scared! - Be quiet, kids!

61. And right up here you can see a red-bellied chickadee.

62. They're indigenous to this area.

63. What was that? - What was what?

64. All done.

65. Sit down and shut up!

66. I said quiet!

67. Or else I kill the bunny!

68. Where are we? - I have no idea.

69. I don't think we're in a very safe spot.

70. - Yeah, what are we supposed to do?

71. Just keep your traps shut.

72. I'll consult the manual.

73. Miss Crabtree? - Shut up, kid!

74. I have to watch a training video!

75. Hello, and welcome to tape seven

76. of the bus driver's video guidebook,

77. "What to Do If You Become Stranded."

78. By now you've calmed down the children

79. and kept order by using the "keep quiet

80. or I'll kill the bunny" technique.

81. Now it's time to get help.

82. The most important thing to remember

83. is that the children will be safe

84. as long as they stay on the bus.

85. So do not, under any circumstances,

86. let any children off the bus.

87. The best way to achieve this is to tell them

88. something like, "A big scary monster

89. will eat you if you step off the bus."

90. - Kids, do not get off this bus!

91. If you do, a big, scary monster will eat you!

92. - That's right. With the children

93. properly subdued, you can leave the bus

94. and go out looking for assistance.

95. And remember your bus driver's code:

96. "Sit down and shut up."

97. I'm going for help!

98. I'll be back as soon as I can!

99. Remember, don't get off this bus

100. or a big, scary monster will eat you!

101. Hey, why doesn't the scary monster eat her?

102. 'Cause, dumb-ass, scary monsters don't eat

103. big fat smelly bitches.

104. What did you say?

105. I said Larry King will grant me three wishes!

106. Oh.

107. Dude, this is not good.

108. She could have at least left the heat on.

109. Had to happen to me, didn't it?

110. Oh, it's supper time.

111. Come to papa.

112. Oh, hello, little lady. Going my way?

113. Shut up and help me into this thing!

114. Oh, okay.

115. Come on, I haven't got all day!

116. All right, sure, of course.

117. Take me to the nearest town,

118. and make it snappy, you freak-ass crackpot!

119. Y-yes, ma'am, right away, ma'am.

120. So, uh, what's a fragile little doll like yourself

121. doing out on a— on a night like this?

122. Look, mister, I got a busload of kids

123. trapped up on that pass.

124. I need a crane, helicopters, all that crap!

125. Here, let me have some of your aspirin!

126. Ma'am, those are actually roofies.

127. Roofies, aspirin— right now,

128. I don't give a rat's ass!

129. How far to the nearest town?

130. Mm... it's a ways.

131. You guys, what if Miss Crabtree doesn't come back

132. and we're all trapped here forever?

133. We couldn't get trapped here forever, Cartman.

134. We'd die after a couple of days.

135. Dude! - What?

136. I don't want to die on this bus with you assholes.

137. You guys suck! - Will you just relax?

138. We've been in a lot worse situations than this

139. and come out of it just fine.

140. Worse than this? - Well, sure.

141. Don't you remember that time

142. that the aliens kidnapped your little brother, Ike?

143. Now that was scary.

144. How come the visitors aren't coming for him?

145. I think we have to signal them somehow.

146. Ow!

147. Hey! He's like Rudolph! - Yeah!

148. All you have to do is fart some more, Cartman,

149. and the visitors are sure to come!

150. Really? Uh... I don't think I have to fart anymore tonight.

151. Sure you do! - Come on Cartman, fart!

152. I don't wanna! - He can't hold it in forever.

153. Fart, damn you!

154. Okay, that does it!

155. Now, listen, why is it that everything today

156. has involved things either going in

157. or coming out of my ass?

158. Whoa. Look at that!

159. It's completely immature!

160. Hey, it's happening again!

161. It's an ice cream truck!

162. Now do you believe us, Cartman?

163. You guys can't scare me.

164. Cartman, there's an ice cream truck

165. sticking out of your ass!

166. Hey look, the aliens are getting ice cream!

167. Wow! I guess everything's gonna be okay.

168. Now that was what I call a sticky situation.

169. You can say that again.

170. - Was that how it happened?

171. Stop! Let me off, you turd!

172. Hey, I want to help you.

173. I care a lot about that busload of, uh,

174. what was it again?

175. Children. - Yeah, right.

176. Let me come with you.

177. What the hell is this crap?

178. I hate flying.

179. Talk about something I hate, it's flying.

180. Say, are those roofies kicking in yet?

181. Well, I don't think so!

182. Damn. - You guys like impressions?

183. No!

184. Here's my impression of Robert De Niro.

185. "Hey, yous.

186. "Yous guys.

187. Shut up, yous."

188. You suck!

189. "Yous guys shut up."

190. - Sit down and shut up!

191. Come on, lady! I love you.

192. You love me!

193. I said sit down and shut up!

194. Baby, you're wonderful. You're a natural.

195. You're the funniest comic I've seen in years.

196. Why don't you just shut the hell up?

197. I've got to get some assistance

198. to my broken-down bus!

199. Broken-down bus! That's great! Great angle.

200. Do you see her, dude? - Nope.

201. God damn it, how long is this gonna take?

202. She's never coming back. Don't you get it?

203. She's left us here to die like pigs.

204. Calm down, dude, you're upsetting Kenny.

205. - Huh? - I can't take it anymore.

206. I have to get out of here!

207. No kid, you heard what Miss Crabtree said,

208. there's a big, black, scary monster out there.

209. Well, I'm not gonna sit here

210. and wait to die with the rest of you!

211. If I make it back, I'll send help.

212. Don't do it, kid.

213. Hmm, maybe Miss Crabtree did make up that stuff

214. about the big black monster.

215. Holy crap, dude!

216. Gross!

217. Well, I guess nobody else will be getting off the bus.

218. Hello?

219. Oh hello, Miss Cartman,

220. It's Sharon, Stan's mother.

221. Oh yes, Sharon, how are you?

222. Miss Cartman, is your son at home?

223. Hold on, dear, let me check.

224. Hon, I made beefy logs!

225. I made cookie dings!

226. No, he's not here.

227. Well, now I am worried.

228. I've tried all the houses,

229. and nobody knows where they are.

230. Oh, dear.

231. I'm telling you, Marty, this woman is a natural.

232. I haven't seen a funnier person since Maury Povich.

233. What's her angle? - I can't even explain it.

234. You have to see it. - All right.

235. This better be good.

236. Come on in, come on in.

237. - What the hell did you bring me to Denver for,

238. you brain-depraved fecalphiliac?

239. Mr. Jonas, this is Mrs. Crabtree.

240. Pleasure to meet you.

241. You look like a lump of dog shit

242. that just got hit by a car!

243. What did I tell you?

244. She's fantastic.

245. How would you like to make a million dollars, baby?

246. How'd you like to suck my ass?

247. - Let's get started right away.

248. You gonna be all right?

249. Don't touch me!

250. I'm sorry, do you need anything?

251. No, I just... - What?

252. I can't help but feel like I've forgotten something.

253. What time is it?

254. On Wednesday or Thursday?

255. Dude, I think it's Saturday now.

256. What? I'm missing the new "Fantasy Island"!

257. Oh man, I don't think it's very safe to be on this bus.

258. Well, we can't go anywhere, or else

259. that big scary monster outside will get us.

260. What do you think it is? - I don't know.

261. It's a big, scary monster.

262. Hey, maybe it's that thing Skuzzlebutt!

263. What? - Don't you remember?

264. That time we were up camping with your uncle Jimbo and Ned?

265. That lava's coming right for us!

266. Help!

267. Jiminy Poke! It's the real Skuzzlebutt!

268. What? Skuzzlebutt's real?

269. Oh my God! Look at his leg!

270. Hi, kids. I'm TV's Brent Musburger.

271. Dude, he's got Brent Musburger for a leg!

272. Quick, Ned, shoot it!

273. Mm, oh, no, out of ammo.

274. Hey, look!

275. Dude, he's making ice cream!

276. Skuzzlebutt kicks ass.

277. Now that's what I call a sticky situation.

278. Okay, so we can agree that the monster outside

279. can't be Skuzzlebutt 'cause Skuzzlebutt's nice.

280. Hey, maybe it's our teacher, Mr. Garrison.

281. - Don't be stupid, Cartman, our teacher wouldn't be out

282. lying in the forest waiting to kill us.

283. Oh, no?

284. Don't you remember the time he went crazy

285. and tried to kill Kathie Lee Gifford?

286. Here she comes!

287. Come on, you little bitch.

288. It is with great pride and honor

289. that I'd like to welcome Mrs. Kathie Lee Gifford

290. to South Park.

291. Thank you.

292. Mr. Garrison, stop! - Leave us.

293. We must finish what we have begun.

294. But Mr. Garrison!

295. She's not really Kathie Lee Gifford.

296. She's some kind of alien.

297. Thank you. I love you all.

298. See, I told you.

299. Well, this is going to put a damper on the day.

300. Let's have ice cream, everyone!

301. Beefcake!

302. Now that's what I call a sticky situation.

303. But the monster outside couldn't be Mr. Garrison

304. 'cause Mr. Garrison used a gun.

305. Oh, yeah.

306. Live from Burbank,

307. it's "The Tonight Show With Jay Leno"!

308. Tonight, Jay's special guests include

309. Washed Up Actress From a Sitcom

310. and the comedy of Mrs. Crabtree.

311. And now here's your host, Jay Leno!

312. Just relax, sweetheart.

313. You're gonna kill out there.

314. Kill who?

315. That's great, use that.

316. Honey, do you need anything?

317. Just give me another one of them roofies.

318. Sure.

319. O-okay, I-let's try to calm down, mm-kay?

320. This type of thing happens all the time.

321. What do you mean?

322. How often does an entire third grade class go missing?

323. - Well, 99% of the time when a child is missing

324. it's because they've run away, mm-kay?

325. Run away? - Oy.

326. I knew I shouldn't have made Kyle eat that gafagahaga.

327. How do we get our runaway children back?

328. Well, we just need to make make some posters, mm-kay?

329. Hand out brochures, okay?

330. That way the public can know what the children look like

331. and can call in if they're spotted, mm-kay?

332. Let's get started right away.

333. They could be halfway to LA by now.

334. It's only a matter of time

335. before they're selling their bodies

336. and buying smack!

337. Come on, everybody! - We gotta find those kids!

338. If we all put our heads together,

339. we can find them!

340. We can do it! - Hi!

341. What was that? - What was what?

342. Dude, I think the scary monster

343. is right outside the bus.

344. What could it be?

345. If only we knew what we were up against.

346. Oh yeah, I remember that.

347. Come back here, you pompous son of a pansy!

348. Don't let him touch you!

349. You'll die if he touches you!

350. I'm over here, you son of a whore!

351. Oh, my God! Kenny killed... death!

352. You... bastard?

353. Yeah, but the monster outside couldn't be death

354. because death only touches you, it doesn't eat you.

355. Well, who really cares if that monster's outside?

356. As long as we stay on the bus, it can't hurt us, right?

357. Mommy!

358. Oh, my God! He's killing Kenny!

359. You bastard!

360. Oh, boy, we're in big trouble.

361. Hey, you guys, can we order a pizza?

362. What the hell are you all staring at?

363. Stop laughing, you whores!

364. I said shut up!

365. Let's hear it for Miss Crabtree!

366. What an up-and-comer!

367. That was great, ma'am.

368. Was it? Does it even matter?

369. What do you mean?

370. Success is hollow, Mitch.

371. Hollow like a dead tree.

372. I think it's time for me to give it up.

373. Are you sure?

374. I'm sure. Let's get a cup of coffee.

375. I wonder when the monster's gonna come back

376. to feed again?

377. We just gotta stick together.

378. Yeah, there's got to be a way out of this.

379. Hey, wait a minute. - What?

380. Remember that time Fonzie jumped over the buses

381. with his motorcycle?

382. Go, Fonzie!

383. Hey!

384. - You can do it, Fonzie.

385. - We believe in you, Fonz.

386. - Hey!

387. - Hey!

388. - Oh, my God, they killed Kenny!

389. - You bastard!

390. - Now that's what I call a sticky situation.

391. - You dumb-ass, Cartman, that's not the way it happened.

392. - Yeah, dude, Kenny just died

393. eight hours ago from that monster.

394. How could he have died back then too?

395. - Oh yeah, I guess that doesn't make sense.

396. - Oh, no!

397. Ah! - What are we gonna do?

398. - Now we need more weight in the back!

399. No, that's too much!

400. - There, I think we got it.

401. - I don't know how much longer we can keep this up, dude.

402. - Don't worry, everything's gonna work out.

403. It always does. - It does?

404. - Sure, remember that time that that kid in the red shirt

405. decided to go off on his own?

406. - Well, I'm not gonna sit here

407. and wait to die with the rest of you!

408. If I make it back, I'll send help.

409. Don't do it, kid!

410. - Hmm, maybe Miss Crabtree did make up

411. that stuff about the big black monster.

412. Holy crap, dude!

413. Hey, look, it's got ice cream!

414. Hooray!

415. Now that's what I call a sticky situation.

416. Wow, this is gorgeous.

417. I don't think I've ever seen anything so beautiful.

418. From a distance, this place looks like

419. a cold damp marsh, but once you get inside it,

420. you realize that it has an inner beauty

421. far surpassing others.

422. Thank you for sharing your time with me, Miss Crabtree.

423. Please, call me Muffin.

424. I'm having a nice time, Muffin.

425. Me too, Marcus.

426. I've forgotten all about my cares in the world.

427. Ah, damn, man, now I'm missing

428. the new "Barnaby Jones"!

429. Hey, Miss Crabtree had that little TV

430. for the training video.

431. Maybe we can watch TV on it.

432. Hey, yeah!

433. And all over America, kids are turning

434. to the streets and running away.

435. Tonight, a very special message

436. from the parents of some runaway children,

437. in hopes that their young will hear their cry.

438. Hello, Stanley. It's me, Papa.

439. Gosh, your mother and I miss you.

440. And I hope that, wherever you may be,

441. you'll hear this message.

442. Dude, your dad's a retard.

443. Please come home, Kyle.

444. Dude, did it ever occur to them to just look for us?

445. I hope my dad doesn't sing.

446. Hey, you guys, remember the time

447. I found out who my father was?

448. Boy, do I!

449. As I said before,

450. the father is somebody in this room.

451. The father is... John Elway!

452. Sweet!

453. Uh-oh.

454. This kicks ass, you guys!

455. John Elway's my father!

456. My father is John Elway!

457. My father is John Elway!

458. Get down! Get down!

459. Come on, son.

460. I'll buy you some ice cream.

461. Now that's what I call a... - Wait a minute.

462. I thought your father was your mother

463. 'cause she had a penis.

464. What? Hey! You son of a bitch!

465. I'll kick you in the nuts!

466. Cartman, no!

467. The bus is going over! - Oh, no!

468. Hey! We landed in ice cream. Hooray!

469. Wait, wait, wait, wait.

470. This doesn't make sense.

471. This whole thing doesn't make any sense.

472. I must be...

473. Oh, man, what a weird dream.

474. Are you okay, hon?

475. Mom, I just dreamt that me and Stan

476. and Kyle and Kenny were trapped on a bus,

477. and we were talking about everything

478. that's happened to us, except that it was all wrong

479. and everything ended with us eating ice cream.

480. Oh... well, would you like some beetles for breakfast?

481. Yes, please.

482. Mmm.

483. Mmm, beetles are good with ice cream.

484. Oh, dude, what a nightmare.

485. Hello?

486. Dude, I just had the weirdest dream.

487. Really?

488. Yeah, I dreamt that Cartman dreamt that were all trapped

489. on a bus, and then he dreamt that we were talking about

490. things that had happened, only they were all wrong,

491. and then he and his mother ate beetles.

492. Dude, that's a pretty up dream.

493. Yeah, I must be having some real emotional problems.

494. Hey, me and Cartman and Kenny are going down

495. to Happy Burger— you want to come?

496. Sure, I definitely don't want to sleep anymore.

497. See you later.

498. I want to thank you for making me feel

499. alive again, Marcus.

500. Miss Crabtree.

501. What is it? What's wrong?

502. You realize I can't stay.

503. None of this is real.

504. It's all been a little eight-year-old's dream.

505. Oh, I know. I know, Marcus.

506. But let me just pretend as long as I can.

507. Sure.