1. Oh, you're back already.Copy !req
2. Wasn't that episode a hoot and
a holler?Copy !req
3. This next episode is called
"Ike's Wee Wee,"Copy !req
4. and it's all about the courage
of one man in facingCopy !req
5. his bitter addiction and coming
to terms with lifeCopy !req
6. before he loses everything he
loves.Copy !req
7. And Ike's wee wee.Copy !req
8. Right.Copy !req
9. I have to go to the bathroom.Copy !req
10. What did I say?Copy !req
11. I said calm down, or I'm gonna
be forced to use ninja star.Copy !req
12. Anyway, this episode also deals
with the very importantCopy !req
13. subject
matter of circumcision.Copy !req
14. That's when they take a knife
and cut a slitCopy !req
15. right down the middle of your
penisCopy !req
16. slicing it into two halves,
and then they take the twoCopy !req
17. halves and tie them in a little
bow.Copy !req
18. No, they don't.Copy !req
19. Huh?Copy !req
20. Dude, that's not what they
do.Copy !req
21. Is that what they did to you?Copy !req
22. Well... well, yeah, that's
what they do to everybody,Copy !req
23. isn't it?Copy !req
24. No.Copy !req
25. Dude, now I know why that Sally
chick calls you the pretzel.Copy !req
26. Shut up!Copy !req
27. - Well, anyway, this episode is
certainly gonna—Copy !req
28. I have to go to.Copy !req
29. God damn it! Will you just
give us two minutes?Copy !req
30. I can't wait two minutes.
- That's it.Copy !req
31. Ninja star!Copy !req
32. Ahh.Copy !req
33. Well, anyway, sit back, relax,
and enjoy "Ike's Wee Wee."Copy !req
34. Okay, children,
let's take our seats.Copy !req
35. This morning we're gonna
have a special lectureCopy !req
36. from your school counselor,
Mr. Mackey.Copy !req
37. Boo.Copy !req
38. Now, who was that?Copy !req
39. That is not
appropriate behavior, okay.Copy !req
40. I'm sorry,
Mr. Mackey, okay.Copy !req
41. That's okay, just don't
let it happen again.Copy !req
42. We won't let it happen again,
Mr. Mackey, okay.Copy !req
43. Okay, okay,
that's fine.Copy !req
44. Okay.Copy !req
45. Okay.Copy !req
46. Now, as
your counselor,Copy !req
47. I'm here to tell you
about drugs and alcoholCopy !req
48. and why
they're bad, okay.Copy !req
49. So first of all,
smoking's bad.Copy !req
50. You shouldn't smoke,
and, uh, alcohol is bad.Copy !req
51. You shouldn't
drink alcohol,Copy !req
52. and as for drugs,
well, drugs are bad.Copy !req
53. You shouldn't
do drugs.Copy !req
54. Okay, now that about
wraps up my introduction.Copy !req
55. Now, are there
any questions?Copy !req
56. Yes, Stan.Copy !req
57. - Why do dogs
have cold noses?Copy !req
58. Uh, well,
I'm not sure.Copy !req
59. Oh.Copy !req
60. Now, let's focus our
discussion firstCopy !req
61. on "Mari-ju-wana."Copy !req
62. Mari-ju-wana's badCopy !req
63. and it also has a very
distinct smell, okay.Copy !req
64. I'm gonna pass around
just a little tiny bit,Copy !req
65. and I want you all
to take a smellCopy !req
66. so you know when someoneCopy !req
67. is smoking Mari-ju-wana
near you.Copy !req
68. Okay, just take a smell,
pass it on,Copy !req
69. and when it gets
back up to me,Copy !req
70. we'll finish
talking about it.Copy !req
71. In the meantime,Copy !req
72. I want to get into
alcohol a little, okay.Copy !req
73. Alcohol is bad.Copy !req
74. If you drink alcohol...Copy !req
75. Hey, are you guys gonna come
to Ike's party this weekend?Copy !req
76. Your little brother's
having a party?Copy !req
77. Why, is it
his birthday?Copy !req
78. No, it's his bris.Copy !req
79. What the hell is
a bris?Copy !req
80. I don't know,Copy !req
81. but there's gonna be lots
of food and a band.Copy !req
82. Oh, kick ass.
I want to have a bris.Copy !req
83. And so, that's why
alcohol is bad.Copy !req
84. Has that Mari-ju-wana made it
back up here yet?Copy !req
85. No? Okay.Copy !req
86. Let's talk about LSD.Copy !req
87. Children,
LSD is bad.Copy !req
88. It's a drug
made famousCopy !req
89. by John Lennon and
Paul McCartney.Copy !req
90. Hey, are we supposed to getCopy !req
91. your little brother presents
for a bris?Copy !req
92. Uh, I'm not sure.Copy !req
93. Well, dude, you better
find out.Copy !req
94. Boys, are you
paying attention?Copy !req
95. Sorry, Mr. Mackey, okay.Copy !req
96. Okay.Copy !req
97. Now, children, has that
Mari-ju-wanaCopy !req
98. made it around
yet?Copy !req
99. Uh, who—who has
the "Mari-ju-wana" now?Copy !req
100. Oh-oh—okay, whoever has
the Mari-ju-wana,Copy !req
101. just pass it up to
the front row, okay.Copy !req
102. Uh, oh.Copy !req
103. I am very disappointed
in you, young man.Copy !req
104. You should be ashamed
of yourself.Copy !req
105. What could have possessed you
to be so stupid?Copy !req
106. I'm sorry,
Principal Victoria.Copy !req
107. Well, sorry isn't going toCopy !req
108. cut the cheese this time,
Mister.Copy !req
109. I'm afraid I'm going to have
to suspend you from school.Copy !req
110. You mean
I'm fired?Copy !req
111. Well, I guess that's the
grown-up way to put it, yes.Copy !req
112. But—but it was an honest
error of judgment, okay.Copy !req
113. I really thought it was
important for the kids to knowCopy !req
114. the smell
of Mari-ju-wana.Copy !req
115. It was an error of judgment,
Mr. Mackey,Copy !req
116. but I'm afraid I have to
let you go for it.Copy !req
117. We searched each one of
those kids, but came up empty.Copy !req
118. We had to
let them go home,Copy !req
119. and one of them now has
half of a lid of Jamaican grassCopy !req
120. because of you!Copy !req
121. How—how am I gonna
make ends meet?Copy !req
122. Okay.Copy !req
123. What—what will I do
for money?Copy !req
124. There, there, now,Copy !req
125. maybe this will
all blow over somedayCopy !req
126. and we can give you
a job as a janitor,Copy !req
127. cleaning up vomit
with that pink sawdust stuff.Copy !req
128. Okay.Copy !req
129. Aah!Copy !req
130. Man, that sucked
getting searched.Copy !req
131. Yeah, my ass
is killing me.Copy !req
132. Why did they
search us?Copy !req
133. That Mari-ju-wana never even
made it to us.Copy !req
134. I wonder
who took it.Copy !req
135. And now it's
almost time for Bobo's...Copy !req
136. Hello there,
children.Copy !req
137. Hey, Chef.Copy !req
138. How's it going?Copy !req
139. Bad.
- Why bad?Copy !req
140. - Children, I heard about
what happened at school today.Copy !req
141. Now, none of you took
that nasty marijuana, did you?Copy !req
142. - No, dude,
we never even saw it.Copy !req
143. - Okay, because I just
want to tell youCopy !req
144. that drugs are bad!Copy !req
145. We know, we know.
That's what everybody says.Copy !req
146. Right.Copy !req
147. But do you know
why they're bad?Copy !req
148. Because they're an addictive
solution to a greater problemCopy !req
149. causing disease of both
body and mind with consequencesCopy !req
150. far outweighing
their supposed benefits.Copy !req
151. And do you have any idea
what that means?Copy !req
152. No.Copy !req
153. I know, drugs are bad
because if you do drugs,Copy !req
154. you're a hippie,
and hippies suck.Copy !req
155. Look, children, this is all
I'm gonna say about drugs:Copy !req
156. stay away from them!Copy !req
157. There's a time and a place
for everything,Copy !req
158. and it's called
"college."Copy !req
159. Do you understand?Copy !req
160. Dude.Copy !req
161. Okay.Copy !req
162. Hey, are you gonna come to
Ike's bris this weekend?Copy !req
163. Oh, hell no,
I can't bear to see that.Copy !req
164. What do you mean?Copy !req
165. Don't you boys know
what a bris is?Copy !req
166. They're going
to circumcise him.Copy !req
167. What's that?Copy !req
168. Oh, boy,
here we go again.Copy !req
169. Children,
uh...Copy !req
170. what's the one thing that's
more sacred to a manCopy !req
171. than anything else
in the world?Copy !req
172. Uh... bicycles?Copy !req
173. Ham?Copy !req
174. No, not ham,
you fat.Copy !req
175. Screw you!
It's ham, isn't it?Copy !req
176. No, no, no, children.Copy !req
177. I'm talking about the most
important part of a man's body.Copy !req
178. Your heart?
- Your eyes.Copy !req
179. Oh!Copy !req
180. That's right.Copy !req
181. Hey! My mom says you're not
supposedCopy !req
182. to call it a "penis,"
Kenny!Copy !req
183. You're supposed
to call it a "fireman."Copy !req
184. - A "fireman"?Copy !req
185. - That's the proper
way to say it,Copy !req
186. or else
you get a spanking.Copy !req
187. - Damn it, children.Copy !req
188. Why do I always
have to be the oneCopy !req
189. to explain all this
stuff to you?Copy !req
190. Ask your parents for once.
- Hey, wait!Copy !req
191. Dude, something tells me
this bris thing isn't good.Copy !req
192. Hey, Mackey,
you got any more pot?Copy !req
193. My four-year-old
needs a fix.Copy !req
194. - Hey, Mackey!Copy !req
195. Now we see what you and
Homer Simpson have in common:Copy !req
196. "dope"!Copy !req
197. Hey, Mackey!Copy !req
198. Who do you
think you are?Copy !req
199. Hey, hippie,
you gonna do some drugs?Copy !req
200. I don't think I've seen you
around here before.Copy !req
201. No, I just—
I had to get away, okay.Copy !req
202. I just
lost my job.Copy !req
203. Oh, that's weak, man.Copy !req
204. You know
what you need?Copy !req
205. You need a good
stiff drink.Copy !req
206. Oh, I-I-I don't
drink, okay?Copy !req
207. Trust me, man,
it'll make you feel better.Copy !req
208. Drinking's bad.Copy !req
209. Go ahead,
drink the beer.Copy !req
210. It'll calm
you down.Copy !req
211. Yeah,
why the hell not?Copy !req
212. It's just a beer.Copy !req
213. Don't be such
a pussy, okay.Copy !req
214. So how do you feel?Copy !req
215. Oh, about the same.Copy !req
216. Oh, you just need something
a little stronger.Copy !req
217. Kyle, you have
to stop them.Copy !req
218. Stop who?Copy !req
219. Dude, I found out
what a bris is.Copy !req
220. I found out what they're
gonna do to Ike.Copy !req
221. What?Copy !req
222. They're gonna chop off
his wee-wee.Copy !req
223. Chop of his wee-wee!
Are you sure?Copy !req
224. Yeah, dude,
it's a Jewish tradition.Copy !req
225. It's called
a "circum-stision."Copy !req
226. Dude,
that is not cool!Copy !req
227. Chopping off wee-wees
is not cool!Copy !req
228. That can't be true.Copy !req
229. My parents
wouldn't do that.Copy !req
230. Dude, I asked
five different people.Copy !req
231. They said all Jewish boys
have "circum-stisions"Copy !req
232. and they make it into a party
called a bris.Copy !req
233. Dude, you don't just chop
off somebody's fireman.Copy !req
234. I won't believe it.
I won't!Copy !req
235. I have to ask
my mom and dad!Copy !req
236. Uh...Copy !req
237. Is this my house?Copy !req
238. Your key ain't
gonna work, Mackey.Copy !req
239. I changed the locks!Copy !req
240. Why,
Mr. Freely?Copy !req
241. I'm not renting
to you anymore!Copy !req
242. I heard that you got fired
from your jobCopy !req
243. for selling drugs
to children.Copy !req
244. No, no, no, okay.
It wasn't like that.Copy !req
245. Drugs are an
illegal narcotic,Copy !req
246. and having
never taken drugs,Copy !req
247. I can say that
they have nothing to offer.Copy !req
248. But I've never
taken drugs, either.Copy !req
249. I've never taken drugs,
and look at me,Copy !req
250. I'm totally fine.Copy !req
251. Now, get off my propertyCopy !req
252. before I lose control
and kill you!Copy !req
253. Ow!
Okay?Copy !req
254. Drug user!Copy !req
255. Drug user!
Come back here!Copy !req
256. Just
a little higher.Copy !req
257. Mom, Dad!Copy !req
258. Oh, hi,
boobala.Copy !req
259. I'm glad
you're here.Copy !req
260. You can help us
decorate for the party.Copy !req
261. Your mother's
made GaHekgafuga.Copy !req
262. What the hell is GaHekgafuga?Copy !req
263. Mom, Dad, what exactly
is this party for?Copy !req
264. To celebrate your little
brother's passage into life.Copy !req
265. Meaning what?Copy !req
266. Meaning we're going
to circumcise him.Copy !req
267. They are gonna
cut off his fireman.Copy !req
268. It's Jewish
tradition, booby.Copy !req
269. Normally we do it
right after the baby is born,Copy !req
270. but we had to do it later
for Ike because he's a—Copy !req
271. Ahh!Copy !req
272. Oh, now,
what's gotten into him?Copy !req
273. Stan, will you go
talk to him?Copy !req
274. Let us cut off
your pee-pee, Stan.Copy !req
275. Oy, what is the matter
with them?Copy !req
276. I can't believe my parents
are cannibals.Copy !req
277. What are you
gonna do, dude?Copy !req
278. I have to save
my little brother.Copy !req
279. I have to send him away untilCopy !req
280. my parents come to their
senses.Copy !req
281. Come on, Ike.Copy !req
282. Cover me
for a while.Copy !req
283. I'll find a place
to hide him and come back.Copy !req
284. No way, dude.Copy !req
285. We're not staying alone
in your houseCopy !req
286. with your wee-wee
chopping parents.Copy !req
287. Just give me 30 minutes.
Come on, Ike.Copy !req
288. I can't sleep.
It's too cold, okay.Copy !req
289. - Hey, you want something
to warm you up?Copy !req
290. Oh, uh, I didn't know this
dark alley was taken.Copy !req
291. Here, try this.
It'll warm you up.Copy !req
292. Mari-ju-wana's bad.Copy !req
293. What?Copy !req
294. Mari-ju-wana makes you feel
depressed and low, okay.Copy !req
295. And you don't feel
that way now?Copy !req
296. Huh. Good point.Copy !req
297. N—I don't
feel any diff—ooh.Copy !req
298. Ooh, baby,
get down, okay.Copy !req
299. Uh-huh.
- Man, this alley is cool.Copy !req
300. It's so alive
and beautiful.Copy !req
301. Oh, boy.Copy !req
302. Come on, Ike. Hurry up.Copy !req
303. Where's the next train going?Copy !req
304. Lincoln, Nebraska.
Train leaves in five minutes.Copy !req
305. You want to go
to Nebraska, Ike?Copy !req
306. No.Copy !req
307. I need one ticket
for my little brother.Copy !req
308. That's a little brother?Copy !req
309. I thought it was
a trash can or something.Copy !req
310. What's wrong
with his head?Copy !req
311. Huh?Copy !req
312. I'm sorry, but we just can't
throw Caucasian babiesCopy !req
313. on an
outbound train.Copy !req
314. But my parents are gonna
cut off his ding-dong.Copy !req
315. What? Why the hell would
they do that?Copy !req
316. They've just gone crazy
for a while.Copy !req
317. Please, Mister, I have to hide
my brotherCopy !req
318. until they come to
their senses.Copy !req
319. No can do, sonny.
- Damn it!Copy !req
320. Ike, if you want
to keep your penis,Copy !req
321. you have to
get on this train.Copy !req
322. Ready, Ike?
Kick the baby!Copy !req
323. Don't kick the baby.Copy !req
324. Good-bye, Ike,
be safe!Copy !req
325. I'll come find you
in NebraskaCopy !req
326. when Mom and Dad
are back to normal.Copy !req
327. Bye, bye.Copy !req
328. Oh, man,
where am I?Copy !req
329. Hey, wow.Copy !req
330. It's that counselor from the
elementary school, Mr. Mackey.Copy !req
331. Wow, dude.Copy !req
332. Hi, boys,
how are you today?Copy !req
333. Pretty good, man.
How are you?Copy !req
334. Oh, I've
been better.Copy !req
335. I've been kicked out of town
for doing drugs.Copy !req
336. Hey, us too.Copy !req
337. Yeah, remember?Copy !req
338. You caught us smoking weed
in the bathroomCopy !req
339. and got us
suspended.Copy !req
340. Oh. Oh, fortune,
how you mock me.Copy !req
341. Cheer up, bro, all you need
is some clear liquidCopy !req
342. to get
your head straight.Copy !req
343. - Uh, boys,
LSD is bad.Copy !req
344. Mm.Copy !req
345. Who put all this
cotton in my mouth?Copy !req
346. Yeah, baby.Copy !req
347. The world
is so small.Copy !req
348. I'm free.Copy !req
349. I'm free.Copy !req
350. Sweet, dude,
totally killer.Copy !req
351. That guy's
totally tripping.Copy !req
352. - There,
what do you think?Copy !req
353. What the hell's
that supposed to be?Copy !req
354. I'm making
a dummy Ike doll.Copy !req
355. My parents think he's out
with me right nowCopy !req
356. and I have to
bring him back for dinner.Copy !req
357. Dude, I think your mom's
gonna notice that isn't Ike.Copy !req
358. Not if I say he's sick
and put him to bed right away.Copy !req
359. No, go away.
bad bog.Copy !req
360. Dude, what did you make
that doll out of?Copy !req
361. I used a bunch of bones
from the butcher shop.Copy !req
362. Is that why it
stinks so bad?Copy !req
363. Hi, boys.Copy !req
364. Hi, Mr. Mackey.Copy !req
365. Are you boys
staying out of trouble?Copy !req
366. Yes!Copy !req
367. Okay, I'm just gonna go
over here for a while.Copy !req
368. Anyways, I need
you guys to help meCopy !req
369. so that my parents
don't realize Ike is gone.Copy !req
370. Knock it off,
asshole!Copy !req
371. No way! I'm never going back
to your parent's house.Copy !req
372. Come on, dude, if it were
your little brother,Copy !req
373. we'd help you.Copy !req
374. Wait a minute,
no, you wouldn't!Copy !req
375. Ouch.
Ow.Copy !req
376. Would you look
at that, honey?Copy !req
377. Somebody dropped off
a perfectly good trash can.Copy !req
378. Yeah.Copy !req
379. Booby, where have
you been?Copy !req
380. Dinner's been ready
for five minutes.Copy !req
381. - Sorry, Mom, I just
had to deal with Ike.Copy !req
382. He's been cranky.Copy !req
383. How is my
little jelly bean?Copy !req
384. I'm gonna take him up to
the bathroom to get washed up.Copy !req
385. Okay, but first let Mommy
give you a kiss.Copy !req
386. No, Mom, he doesn't
want you kissing him.Copy !req
387. Oh, my God,
make him stop!Copy !req
388. Put it down,
you stupid dog!Copy !req
389. My baby.
Oh, God!Copy !req
390. Get out of here, you mutt,
let him go!Copy !req
391. Oh, my baby!
Boobala...Copy !req
392. Baby!
- Huh?Copy !req
393. Oh, he's dead.
He's dead.Copy !req
394. My little
boobala's dead.Copy !req
395. here, there, Sheila.
There's nothing we can do.Copy !req
396. "Yea, usher us
unto the Lord,"Copy !req
397. sayeth some
Jewish guy once.Copy !req
398. Ashes to ashes,
dust to dust.Copy !req
399. Hey,
wait a minute.Copy !req
400. How come Ike's tombstone
has a Canadian flag on it?Copy !req
401. Well, booby, there's
something you have to know.Copy !req
402. Ike wasn't really your brother.
He was adopted.Copy !req
403. What?Copy !req
404. He was not really
a Broflovski.Copy !req
405. He was Canadian.Copy !req
406. But we loved him
all the same.Copy !req
407. You mean to tell me
that all this timeCopy !req
408. I've been trying to
protect Ike from havingCopy !req
409. his fireman cut off,Copy !req
410. and he's not even
my real brother?Copy !req
411. What are you
talking about?Copy !req
412. Dude, Ike isn't dead.
He's in Nebraska.Copy !req
413. What, what, what?Copy !req
414. Dude, you shouldn't have
told them that.Copy !req
415. Now they're gonna find him
and cut off his penis.Copy !req
416. "Fireman."
- Oh, who the hell cares?Copy !req
417. He's not even
my responsibility.Copy !req
418. Oh, my God.
They've killed Kenny!Copy !req
419. You bastards.Copy !req
420. Yea, let us ponder
the Lord's mercies.Copy !req
421. Ashes to ashes,
dust to dust.Copy !req
422. Get out of the way,
you damn hippie.Copy !req
423. - I don't need to take your
right wing,Copy !req
424. authoritative bullshit.Copy !req
425. What?Copy !req
426. You're just like
the government, man,Copy !req
427. trying to prosecute out
one side of your mouth, okay.Copy !req
428. While supporting guns
out of the other, okay.Copy !req
429. Eh, why don't you go to
a Grateful Dead concert?Copy !req
430. I can't, man.
Jer-bear's dead, okay.Copy !req
431. Hey, man,
I overheard what you said.Copy !req
432. That was cool.Copy !req
433. What?
Oh, thanks, man.Copy !req
434. Would you like to come over
to my place and finger paint?Copy !req
435. Sure, man.Copy !req
436. Finger painting's cool, okay.Copy !req
437. Now, where did you
leave him, young man?Copy !req
438. How the hell
should I know?Copy !req
439. Gerald, do something about
your smart-ass son.Copy !req
440. Uh, mind your mother,
smart-ass.Copy !req
441. If we don't find him,
so help me,Copy !req
442. you're gonna be
grounded for a month!Copy !req
443. All this time, "look out
for your little brother, Kyle,"Copy !req
444. "Take care of your
little brother, Kyle,"Copy !req
445. and he wasn't even
really my little brother!Copy !req
446. Kyle, just because
Ike is adoptedCopy !req
447. doesn't make him
any less your brother.Copy !req
448. Yeah, right.Copy !req
449. Excuse me.Copy !req
450. We're looking for
a two-year-old Canadian boy.Copy !req
451. Two-year-old Canadian boy,
two-year-old Canadian boy...Copy !req
452. Oh, I think they might have
one of those down at Hap's Bar.Copy !req
453. Come on!Copy !req
454. Ike!Copy !req
455. Hey, lady,
that's my table post!Copy !req
456. You can't have that!Copy !req
457. Wow, man.Copy !req
458. You know, it's like,Copy !req
459. you go through life thinkingCopy !req
460. that you're an individual,
okay.Copy !req
461. Then you realize that
you're more than that, okay?Copy !req
462. We're all just one big
individual, okay?Copy !req
463. Let's get married and
have a honeymoon in India.Copy !req
464. Okay.Copy !req
465. - Now, you march to your roomCopy !req
466. and you think about
what you've done!Copy !req
467. But first apologize
to your brother.Copy !req
468. He's not my brother!Copy !req
469. Apologize to him!Copy !req
470. I'm sorry, Ike.Copy !req
471. Wow, this is so beautiful.Copy !req
472. I am one with the animalsCopy !req
473. and the trees.Copy !req
474. And I am one with you.Copy !req
475. Oh! Oh!Copy !req
476. Ow, hey!Copy !req
477. Whoa.Copy !req
478. Okay.Copy !req
479. What the hell's
going on?Copy !req
480. Tough love, Mr. Mackey.Copy !req
481. We're taking you
to rehab.Copy !req
482. I don't want to
go to rehab.Copy !req
483. I haven't even
done drugs in weeks.Copy !req
484. We were wrong for
shunning you, Mr. Mackey,Copy !req
485. and we apologize.Copy !req
486. We should've realized
that you needed help.Copy !req
487. Yeah, now we'll make sure
you get the help you need.Copy !req
488. I don't want help!Copy !req
489. You'll thank us later.Copy !req
490. Hello, Tom.
Hello, Patty.Copy !req
491. Thanks for coming
to Ike's bris.Copy !req
492. Look, Ike,
it's your Uncle Murray.Copy !req
493. Hello, Ike.Copy !req
494. Say, where's little Kyle?Copy !req
495. He's been sent to his room
for being a bastard.Copy !req
496. He's decided that Ike isn't
his brother since he's adopted.Copy !req
497. Hi, there.
- Hello, do I know you?Copy !req
498. Oh, no,
but I never miss a bris.Copy !req
499. Here, I brought
some dip.Copy !req
500. Oh, thanks.Copy !req
501. Well, I guess the chopping
is about to commence.Copy !req
502. ]Copy !req
503. What do you want?Copy !req
504. Oh, no, you don't.Copy !req
505. That isn't gonna
work on me, Canadian.Copy !req
506. Maybe you're being
too hard on him, dude.Copy !req
507. No way, there's no
real connection between us.Copy !req
508. It was all a big lie.Copy !req
509. Cookie Monster.Copy !req
510. Two, three,
four, five...Copy !req
511. Go on, Canadian,
beatit!Copy !req
512. I'm through getting
in trouble for you!Copy !req
513. You have to admit
you have a problemCopy !req
514. before anybody
can help you.Copy !req
515. But I don't think
I really have a problem.Copy !req
516. Nonsense,
you did drugs.Copy !req
517. I suppose you forgot
all about your family?Copy !req
518. I don't really
have a family.Copy !req
519. And you
lost your job.Copy !req
520. No, I lost my job
before that.Copy !req
521. Mr. Mackey, you're
supposed to be an adult.Copy !req
522. The problem with drugs is that
people forgetCopy !req
523. to stop doing
them.Copy !req
524. There's a time and a place
for everything, Mr. Mackey,Copy !req
525. and it's called
"college."Copy !req
526. Now I want you
to repeat after me:Copy !req
527. drugs are bad.Copy !req
528. Drugs are bad.Copy !req
529. Drugs are bad.Copy !req
530. Drugs are bad.Copy !req
531. Hello, Dr. Schwartz.Copy !req
532. Thank you so much
for coming all this wayCopy !req
533. to perform Ike's bris.Copy !req
534. Oh, my pleasure, Sheila.Copy !req
535. I brought the normal
cutting device,Copy !req
536. but then I remembered
that Ike was Canadian,Copy !req
537. so I brought
the right one.Copy !req
538. Where is the little rug-rat?Copy !req
539. Right over here.Copy !req
540. Come here, you.Copy !req
541. Ow!Copy !req
542. Ike!Copy !req
543. Ike!Copy !req
544. There you are.
Come on, Ike, it's time.Copy !req
545. You stay away
from my little brother!Copy !req
546. But son, I just—Copy !req
547. You aren't gonna
cut off his wee-wee!Copy !req
548. Not today,
you sick-ass weirdo!Copy !req
549. Kyle, what are you
talking about?Copy !req
550. And you! You should be
ashamed of yourself.Copy !req
551. Don't you understand
that us malesCopy !req
552. are defined
by our firemen?Copy !req
553. Yes, the fireman
is very magical.Copy !req
554. If you rub his helmet,
he spits in your eye.Copy !req
555. Kyle, a circumcisionCopy !req
556. is a very common thing
for Ike to have.Copy !req
557. His father had it,
his grandfather had it,Copy !req
558. and his brother had it.Copy !req
559. No!Copy !req
560. No, it isn't true!Copy !req
561. We're not going to
cut it off.Copy !req
562. We're just gonna snip it
so that it looks bigger.Copy !req
563. Oh, hey, that doesn't
sound like a bad idea.Copy !req
564. Yeah, I want to get
a "circum-stision" too.Copy !req
565. Congratulations,
Mr. Mackey.Copy !req
566. You are fully recovered.Copy !req
567. I can't thank you enough
for everything, okay.Copy !req
568. I feel like
my old self again.Copy !req
569. Just one
more thing...Copy !req
570. Remember that
you can stay sober.Copy !req
571. I will,
Miss Social Worker.Copy !req
572. I will, okay.Copy !req
573. It's okay, Ike,
I'm here.Copy !req
574. And a one and a two
and a...Copy !req
575. Bris!Copy !req
576. Ouch.Copy !req
577. Cookie Monster.Copy !req
578. Ike, you're okay.Copy !req
579. Wow, dude, I guess having
a bris isn't all that bad.Copy !req
580. Yeah, you know,
I've learned something today.Copy !req
581. Family isn't
about whose blood you have.Copy !req
582. It's about
who you care about.Copy !req
583. Yeah.Copy !req
584. And that's why I feel you
guysCopy !req
585. are more than just
friends; you're my family.Copy !req
586. Except for Cartman.Copy !req
587. Naturally.
- Screw you, guys!Copy !req
588. I don't want to be in your
penis chopping family anyway!Copy !req
589. And so now, children,Copy !req
590. your school counselor
is backCopy !req
591. to tell you firsthand
about his nasty experienceCopy !req
592. with drugs and alcohol.Copy !req
593. Okay, kids,
you shouldn't do drugs, okay.Copy !req
594. Drugs are bad.Copy !req
595. You see, I was at
the bottom of the barrel.Copy !req
596. I was a wreck.Copy !req
597. Well, I didn't even
care about money.Copy !req
598. I was—I was wasting
my life...Copy !req
599. Hey, you guys want to come
to my bris tomorrow?Copy !req
600. You can't have
your bris tomorrow, Cartman.Copy !req
601. That's when
I'm having mine.Copy !req
602. No way, I set up
mine first, hippie!Copy !req
603. Now, boys, you need
to listen up, okay.Copy !req
604. What I'm talking about might
save your life someday, okay.Copy !req
605. Okay, Mr. Mackey, okay.Copy !req
606. - Okay.
- Okay.Copy !req
607. - Okay.
- Okay.Copy !req
608. Okay.Copy !req
609. Now, as I was saying,
drugs are bad.Copy !req
610. You shouldn't
do drugs.Copy !req
611. If you do them, you're bad.Copy !req
612. Because drugs are bad, okay.Copy !req
613. It's a bad thing
to do, drugs,Copy !req
614. so don't be bad
by doing drugs, okay.Copy !req
615. That'd be bad.Copy !req
616. Drugs are bad, okay.Copy !req