1. One, two, three, four.Copy !req
2. Oh, hi, everybody.Copy !req
3. You just caught Matt and I
doing what we love to do most,Copy !req
4. entertaining senior citizens
at a retirement home.Copy !req
5. Say hi to the "South Park"
fans, gang.Copy !req
6. Say hi to the "South Park"
fans, I said!Copy !req
7. - Hi.
- What you're about to seeCopy !req
8. is our favorite episode
of "South Park."Copy !req
9. It's called "Chicken Lover,"
and it's about a manCopy !req
10. who likes to have sex
with chickens.Copy !req
11. That's right, Matt.Copy !req
12. You know,
sex with chickensCopy !req
13. dates back to the
late 1800s when—Copy !req
14. Excuse me.
- What?Copy !req
15. Can we leave?Copy !req
16. No, you can't leave.
We're entertaining you.Copy !req
17. You're talking
to the camera.Copy !req
18. Hey, just keep
your damn pants on!Copy !req
19. This is our other job,
all right?Copy !req
20. I have other things
to do, too.Copy !req
21. Sit down, or else it's ninja
star in the forehead for you.Copy !req
22. Anyway, this episode also deals
with the wonders of reading.Copy !req
23. That's right.
Reading used to be a fun formCopy !req
24. of entertainment, but now
we have TV, so who needs it?Copy !req
25. I have to leave.
- Kick ba—Copy !req
26. Kick back, relax—Copy !req
27. I must—I must leave.
- Ninja star!Copy !req
28. Sit back, relax,
and enjoyCopy !req
29. this episode of "South Park,"
"Chicken Lover."Copy !req
30. Okay, children, each of you
gets to choose two booksCopy !req
31. from the Booktastic Bus.Copy !req
32. Reading sucks ass.Copy !req
33. Eric, shut up!Copy !req
34. Boring. Boring.Copy !req
35. Gay. Boring, boring.Copy !req
36. Hey, you guys,
check out these books.Copy !req
37. Sabrina Unchained.Copy !req
38. Wow, these books look cool.Copy !req
39. Hey, there's a lot of
big words in these books.Copy !req
40. Hello, kids.Copy !req
41. I see you're discovering
the magic of reading.Copy !req
42. Who are you?Copy !req
43. I drive the Booktastic Bus,
where magic begins.Copy !req
44. You see, reading opens up
whole new worlds to you.Copy !req
45. You can take a canoe
down the Amazon,Copy !req
46. or go back in time to Camelot,Copy !req
47. or become a race car driver,Copy !req
48. all by just opening a book.Copy !req
49. Just like magic.
The magic of reading.Copy !req
50. Gosh, shut up, dude.Copy !req
51. Go ahead and pick
any books you like,Copy !req
52. then give in,
give in to the magic.Copy !req
53. If we read, are we gonna
become like that guy?Copy !req
54. Yeah, this is stupid;
books aren't magical.Copy !req
55. I don't know, I'm kind of
gettingCopy !req
56. a tingly feeling
looking at these.Copy !req
57. I don't know, let's go see.Copy !req
58. Well, being an officer of the
peace means a lot of things.Copy !req
59. It's a hard job,
but then again, I'm a hard man.Copy !req
60. A lot of people think
that in a small townCopy !req
61. there isn't a lot
for the law to do.Copy !req
62. Well, they're wrong.Copy !req
63. All units, all units,Copy !req
64. report to 2-5-4
Avenue de los Mexicanos.Copy !req
65. Possible hostile situation.Copy !req
66. There, you see?Copy !req
67. This could be a bank robbery,Copy !req
68. or possibly even a murder!Copy !req
69. This ain't
no Podunk little town.Copy !req
70. And, Barbrady,
your wife called—Copy !req
71. she wants you to get
some pizza on the way home.Copy !req
72. Goddamnit!Copy !req
73. Cool. What is it? What is it?Copy !req
74. - Okay, people, move along.Copy !req
75. There's nothing to see here.Copy !req
76. What's the trouble?
Where's the body?Copy !req
77. - Barbrady, I just caught
some guy in hereCopy !req
78. having sex with
one of my chickens.Copy !req
79. Uh, oh.Copy !req
80. My god, that's disgusting.Copy !req
81. Whoa, dude, how do you
have sex with a chicken?Copy !req
82. Uh, boys, you move along.Copy !req
83. This isn't
for young eyes to see.Copy !req
84. Did you get a good look
at the suspect?Copy !req
85. No, I didn't see anything.Copy !req
86. It just happened so fast.Copy !req
87. Well, uh, this is quite
interesting, huh, guys?Copy !req
88. Uh, we're gonna go
grab some lunchCopy !req
89. and maybe get some shots
of those turtlesCopy !req
90. down at the pond.Copy !req
91. Ah, camel poo!Copy !req
92. Hey, what's this?Copy !req
93. It looks like a note.Copy !req
94. Give me that!
That's a clueCopy !req
95. and you'll get your
stinky DNA all over it.Copy !req
96. What does it say?
- Uh, it says...Copy !req
97. Uh, "Sorry I had sex
with a chicken.Copy !req
98. I won't do it again. Bye, bye."Copy !req
99. Well, there you have it,
case closed.Copy !req
100. Dammit, Barbrady, what
the hell's wrong with you?Copy !req
101. Every time something happens
in this town,Copy !req
102. you say "Nothing to see here"
and "Case closed",Copy !req
103. but we want justice!Copy !req
104. We have to find this sicko!Copy !req
105. I said return to your homesCopy !req
106. before I start
arresting people!Copy !req
107. For what? Orderly conduct?Copy !req
108. How about fishing
without a license?Copy !req
109. I'm not fishing.Copy !req
110. What do you call this then?Copy !req
111. If you do not comply,
I'll be forcedCopy !req
112. to execute
each and every one of youCopy !req
113. by gunshot to the head.Copy !req
114. That's right,Copy !req
115. return to your simple lives.Copy !req
116. Just forget this ever happened.Copy !req
117. Forget,Copy !req
118. forget.Copy !req
119. Wow, Barbrady
sure is acting weird.Copy !req
120. Yeah, I wonder what's wrong.Copy !req
121. Welcome to Fran's,
can I help you?Copy !req
122. Sir, can I help you?Copy !req
123. Uh, just give me
two cheeseburgersCopy !req
124. and some jalapeño poppers.Copy !req
125. Sir, there's just one
problem.Copy !req
126. What's that?
- We're a bank.Copy !req
127. - I know that, smarty pants!Copy !req
128. What do you think,
I'm some kind of idiot?Copy !req
129. Yes.
- Hmm.Copy !req
130. I can't go on living this lie!Copy !req
131. - With chicken after chicken
being violated,Copy !req
132. the South Park police
are under increasing pressureCopy !req
133. to solve the case
of the chicken.Copy !req
134. We now go live
to a press conferenceCopy !req
135. where Officer Barbrady
and the mayorCopy !req
136. are fielding questions.Copy !req
137. Officer Barbrady,Copy !req
138. what would drive a man
to such a disgusting act?Copy !req
139. Well, nobody can say
for sure.Copy !req
140. No motive has yet
been established.Copy !req
141. Do the police have any leads?Copy !req
142. Well, both
3-D computer modelingCopy !req
143. and intensive seismologyCopy !req
144. have not given us
any leads as of yet.Copy !req
145. But has chicken
left any clues at the crime?Copy !req
146. All right, all right,
I can't read!Copy !req
147. There, I said it, I can't read.Copy !req
148. Are you happy now?
You pushed and you pushedCopy !req
149. and now you all know
my terrible secret!Copy !req
150. I'm illegitimate!Copy !req
151. I'm not fit to be a policemen.Copy !req
152. I retire!Copy !req
153. Okay, thank you all
for coming.Copy !req
154. There's coffee
and brownies out front.Copy !req
155. And so Officer Barbrady
has taken a leave of absenceCopy !req
156. and South Park
will have to manageCopy !req
157. without any
police force for a while.Copy !req
158. This just in,Copy !req
159. South Park has plunged
into total anarchy.Copy !req
160. Exactly two seconds afterCopy !req
161. the retirement
of Officer Barbrady,Copy !req
162. looting and pillaging eruptedCopy !req
163. in the quiet mountain town.Copy !req
164. Whoopie! This is killer.Copy !req
165. With no cops around,
we can do whatever we want!Copy !req
166. Woah, dude, what's going on?Copy !req
167. I don't know.Copy !req
168. Oh, my god, they've killed—Copy !req
169. Oh, never mind.Copy !req
170. I don't believe it.Copy !req
171. All this time Barbrady actually
did keep this town peaceful.Copy !req
172. Who knew? I always thought
he was a complete idiot.Copy !req
173. He is.Copy !req
174. Mayor, What do you plan to do
about the South Park riots?Copy !req
175. No reason for concern.Copy !req
176. I want to assure all of you
that Officer BarbradyCopy !req
177. is still our
active police force.Copy !req
178. But he's illiterate;
what do you plan to do?Copy !req
179. Uh, plan?
I don't actually...Copy !req
180. Reading classes,
plain and simple.Copy !req
181. By the mayor's order
Officer BarbradyCopy !req
182. is on temporary leave
of absence to learn to read.Copy !req
183. Effective immediately.
- Yes, that's right.Copy !req
184. It's back to school
with Officer Barbrady!Copy !req
185. Now, children, we have a
new student joining us today.Copy !req
186. Please say hi
to Officer Barbrady.Copy !req
187. I can't see, dude.Copy !req
188. Okay, now since our focus
has been on reading,Copy !req
189. let's review
some of the basics.Copy !req
190. Yes, what is it?Copy !req
191. I need to go poopies.Copy !req
192. Officer Barbrady,Copy !req
193. in school we go to the bathroom
before and after class.Copy !req
194. Oh, Christ,
how do you kids do it?Copy !req
195. Does anyone have
any suggestionsCopy !req
196. where we should begin
with Officer Barbrady?Copy !req
197. How about a brain transplant?Copy !req
198. Now, Kyle, let's be
supportive of our new student.Copy !req
199. Give him the nurturing
environment he needs to thrive.Copy !req
200. Now I'm going
to write a sentenceCopy !req
201. and I want us all to help
Officer Barbrady read it.Copy !req
202. Give it a shot,
Officer Barbrady.Copy !req
203. Uh...Copy !req
204. "O... O."Copy !req
205. Bzzt, wrong!
Try again, dumb-ass.Copy !req
206. Okay, okay, maybe we should try
something a little easier.Copy !req
207. We can work our way up
to the hard ones.Copy !req
208. Go ahead, Barbrady,
don't be scared.Copy !req
209. Uh...Copy !req
210. "O..."
- Bzzt! Drr!Copy !req
211. Did you
hear that Mr. Hat?Copy !req
212. I sure did, Mr. Garrison.
What a retard.Copy !req
213. Did you kids actually learn
how to read this way?Copy !req
214. No, we just fake it
to shut him up.Copy !req
215. Okay, okay,
I'm sorry, I'm sorry.Copy !req
216. Let's try again.Copy !req
217. Say, what are
nice chickens like youCopy !req
218. doing in a coop like this?Copy !req
219. - Now, children, I hopeCopy !req
220. you all had a good
time reading your booksCopy !req
221. and are prepared
for your book reports.Copy !req
222. Who should we have
go first, Mr. Hat?Copy !req
223. Let's see.Copy !req
224. How about Stan or Kyle?Copy !req
225. Eric, why don't you go first?
- Ugh.Copy !req
226. What's the matter, Eric?
Are you not prepared again?Copy !req
227. I'm prepared!Copy !req
228. For my book report I readCopy !req
229. "The Lion, the Witch,
and the Wardrobe."Copy !req
230. It was very, very good.Copy !req
231. Have you read it, Mr. Garrison?Copy !req
232. No, I can't say that I have.
- Oh, good.Copy !req
233. In "The Lion, the Witch,
and the Wardrobe",Copy !req
234. a bunch of, uh, hippies
walk around and paint stuff.Copy !req
235. They eat lunch and then they
find a magical camelCopy !req
236. which they have
to eat to stay alive,Copy !req
237. and that's pretty much it.
I give it a "B minus".Copy !req
238. And I give you an "F", Eric,
now sit down.Copy !req
239. Goddamnit!Copy !req
240. Okay, Officer Barbrady,Copy !req
241. why don't you give us
your book report?Copy !req
242. I've just finished reading
the heartwarming novel,Copy !req
243. "Go, Dog, Go".Copy !req
244. I found it a compelling
and disturbing lookCopy !req
245. at the canine psyche.Copy !req
246. If I may read a passage.Copy !req
247. "Big dog...Copy !req
248. "Little dog.Copy !req
249. "A red dogCopy !req
250. on a..."Copy !req
251. Well, anyway,Copy !req
252. I don't want to
give away the ending,Copy !req
253. but I will say that it spirals
toward an incredible twist-turnCopy !req
254. that parallels my own life.Copy !req
255. Thank you, Officer Barbrady.Copy !req
256. That was a very good
book report indeed.Copy !req
257. I'll give you an "A".Copy !req
258. Hurray!Copy !req
259. Goody two-shoes.Copy !req
260. Dude, I think
Officer BarbradyCopy !req
261. enjoys being at school
a little too much.Copy !req
262. Yeah, isn't he just supposed
to be learning how to read?Copy !req
263. Officer Barbrady,
what are you doing?Copy !req
264. Oh my god! They killed—Copy !req
265. Oh, never mind.Copy !req
266. Well, how's the reading
coming along?Copy !req
267. Oh, pretty good.Copy !req
268. Barbrady, we really
need you to speed this up.Copy !req
269. The chicken
struck again last night.Copy !req
270. Oh, no!Copy !req
271. Oh, mayor, please,
when we're around childrenCopy !req
272. we prefer to call him
the chicken lover.Copy !req
273. This time he made love to
Carla Weathers' prize chicken.Copy !req
274. She's catatonic.Copy !req
275. Who, Carla Weathers
or the chicken?Copy !req
276. The perpetrator left
this clue at the crime scene.Copy !req
277. Oh, I can't read this.
It has silent E's.Copy !req
278. You have to learn to
read faster, Barbrady!Copy !req
279. I'm doing the best I can!Copy !req
280. I even got a "A"
on my book report.Copy !req
281. Listen, buddy, either
you learn to read quickCopy !req
282. or else I'm gonna find a law
officer to replace you forever!Copy !req
283. Hey, what'd you do that for?Copy !req
284. Uh, just dramatic effect,
sorry.Copy !req
285. Oh, boy, I'm in big trouble.Copy !req
286. I'll never learn
to read fast enoughCopy !req
287. and the town is in chaos!Copy !req
288. It's cool, dude,
we'll help you.Copy !req
289. Hey, that's right,
you can help me.Copy !req
290. Under article 39,
section two of police code,Copy !req
291. I'm allowed to deputize
citizens in a time of crisis.Copy !req
292. Really? I want to be a cop.Copy !req
293. You boys will be my deputies.Copy !req
294. You can help me restore order,
catch the chicken lover,Copy !req
295. and swing me on the swing set.
- Do I get a nightstick?Copy !req
296. - Sure, nightsticks
for everybody!Copy !req
297. You keep a tab
on crime in the city,Copy !req
298. and we'll try to solve
the chicken lover case.Copy !req
299. 10-4, sergeant.Copy !req
300. Now what does
that clue say again?Copy !req
301. "If you want to know
where I'll strike next,Copy !req
302. read "Bumbly Wumbly
and the Spotted Spacecraft".Copy !req
303. To the Booktastic Bus,
deputies!Copy !req
304. We haven't a moment to spare.Copy !req
305. hurray!Copy !req
306. Good day, friends.Copy !req
307. Welcome to the magical world
of reading.Copy !req
308. We need a copy ofCopy !req
309. "Bumbly Wumbly and the Spotted
Spacecraft" right away.Copy !req
310. Ooh, that's a very magical
book, full of wonders—Copy !req
311. Ah, just give us
the damn book, fruitcake!Copy !req
312. What's it say?Copy !req
313. It says "ma... Ma..."Copy !req
314. What's this word?Copy !req
315. "I".
- Oh, yeah.Copy !req
316. "I, ma... Ma..."
- Here, give me that.Copy !req
317. "I am Bumbly Wumbly,
I live in the pond."Copy !req
318. A pond. Hey!
Maybe that means Stark's Pond.Copy !req
319. That's quick thinking,
deputy.Copy !req
320. Let's get to Stark's Pond
immediately.Copy !req
321. Hey.Copy !req
322. Uh, yes, officer?Copy !req
323. I clocked you at
40 miles an hour back there.Copy !req
324. Do you know what
the speed limit is here?Copy !req
325. Well, according
to that sign right there,Copy !req
326. it's 40 miles an hour.Copy !req
327. Step out of
the car please, sir.Copy !req
328. Wait a second, aren't you
Stan's little friend?Copy !req
329. Sir, step out
of the car, please.Copy !req
330. Yeah, you're the oneCopy !req
331. who always plugs up
the toilet at our house.Copy !req
332. Hey, I am a copCopy !req
333. and you will
respect my authority!Copy !req
334. Yeah, right. You better get
back to school, little boy.Copy !req
335. Ow!Copy !req
336. Get your ass to jail!
- Ow!Copy !req
337. Hey, what the hell
are you doing?Copy !req
338. You can't do that! Ow!
Ow! Ow!Copy !req
339. Sweet.Copy !req
340. Oh, weak, dude,
we're too late.Copy !req
341. Well, the chickens don't seem
to really mind.Copy !req
342. Well, this is terrible.Copy !req
343. Now, who would have sex
with a chicken?Copy !req
344. I would.Copy !req
345. Oh, you couldn't screw
anything, Halfy.Copy !req
346. You don't have any legs.Copy !req
347. Oh, yeah.Copy !req
348. Have some respect for people's
feelings, would you, Halfy?Copy !req
349. Come on, dudes. We need to
look for another clue.Copy !req
350. Here, here, I found one!
- What's it say? What's it say?Copy !req
351. It says read "Teetle
the Timid, ta- ta- ta..."Copy !req
352. The taxi— What's this word?Copy !req
353. I don't know.Copy !req
354. "Ta- ta-...Copy !req
355. Ta... Taxidermist!"Copy !req
356. I read it!
I read it all by myself!Copy !req
357. Hurray, yeah! Whoo-hoo!Copy !req
358. Enroute to 496.Copy !req
359. I've been working this beatCopy !req
360. for about three days now.Copy !req
361. You definitely have to
have pretty thick skinCopy !req
362. or else these people,
they just walk all over you.Copy !req
363. Sometimes you have
to go undercoverCopy !req
364. to get the worst of them.Copy !req
365. Hi, there, little lady.Copy !req
366. Well, hi there.
What are you doing tonight?Copy !req
367. Well, hopefully spending
some time with you, gorgeous.Copy !req
368. Is 20 dollars enough?Copy !req
369. Sir, step out
of the car, please?Copy !req
370. What? Uh-oh. Is this a bust?Copy !req
371. Sir, step out of the car.Copy !req
372. Hey, wait a minute,
you're just a kid.Copy !req
373. - Maybe this will teach you
to listen to authority!Copy !req
374. Ow! Ow! Ow!Copy !req
375. Hey, man, what are you doing?Copy !req
376. Ow, stop it!Copy !req
377. Eh, sometimes upholding
the law is messy,Copy !req
378. but you get by...Copy !req
379. one day at a time.Copy !req
380. I got a TV. Sh, come on!Copy !req
381. "Teetle the timid taxidermistCopy !req
382. loves to..."Copy !req
383. Oh, Goddamn, reading is lame.Copy !req
384. How's it going, dude?
- Terrible, I give up.Copy !req
385. I'm not fit to be a cop.Copy !req
386. Come on, dude,
it's not that hard.Copy !req
387. It is, too!Copy !req
388. Just read the sentence.Copy !req
389. "Teetle the timid taxidermistCopy !req
390. loves to go to the pet, pet..."Copy !req
391. Come on, dumb-ass,
you can do it.Copy !req
392. "Pet..." Wait a minute.Copy !req
393. Conjugate the verb.Copy !req
394. Conjugate the verb.Copy !req
395. Yes, conjugate the verb.Copy !req
396. "Pet-ting."Copy !req
397. "Petting zoo!"Copy !req
398. He loves to go
to the petting zoo!Copy !req
399. Boys, we're off.Copy !req
400. All units, all units,Copy !req
401. 512 at 635
Avenue de los MexicanosCopy !req
402. request assistance.Copy !req
403. Sir, could you step
out of the car, please?Copy !req
404. We're fine, officer.Copy !req
405. And, uh, who—who's in here
with you?Copy !req
406. - Just me and my wife
and my brother,Copy !req
407. and my wife's cousin
and his son,Copy !req
408. and my brother's girlfriend
and our two kids,Copy !req
409. and my brother's
girlfriend's mother,Copy !req
410. and this guy Bob
who I met last year.Copy !req
411. - Poor people tend
to live in clusters.Copy !req
412. What—what did you say?
- Nothing.Copy !req
413. Now, sir, is there
some kind of—Copy !req
414. I want him out of my house!Copy !req
415. He ain't worth a shit!Copy !req
416. He can't even
hold a job!Copy !req
417. Shut up, bitch.Copy !req
418. Okay, okay, let's try
to watch the language.Copy !req
419. There's children present here.Copy !req
420. You lazy ass mother.Copy !req
421. Look what she did
to my eye!Copy !req
422. - I'll do it again!Copy !req
423. Mom hit Dad again.Copy !req
424. Now the first thing to doCopy !req
425. in domestic disturbance calls
like this oneCopy !req
426. is to just calm everybody down.Copy !req
427. Respect my authority!Copy !req
428. All units, all units,Copy !req
429. we have a 5-20 on the suspect.Copy !req
430. Report to the South Park
petting zoo immediately.Copy !req
431. Chicken lover.Copy !req
432. Keep your eyes peeled, boys.Copy !req
433. Somebody's gonna make love
to this chicken any minute.Copy !req
434. Maybe we were wrong
about the clue.Copy !req
435. Yeah, maybe
you read it wrong.Copy !req
436. Oh, no!Copy !req
437. Shh!Copy !req
438. Keep your eyes peeled.Copy !req
439. Look!Copy !req
440. He's here.
- Grab him!Copy !req
441. Dammit, can't this thing
go any faster?Copy !req
442. Oh, my God,
they've killed—Copy !req
443. Goddamnit.Copy !req
444. I knew it was you all along,
Richard Nixon.Copy !req
445. I think that's a mask, dude.Copy !req
446. Oh.Copy !req
447. Whoa, dude.
It's the book mobile driver.Copy !req
448. Caught you red-handed.
- Indeed you did.Copy !req
449. How did you know
I would strike here?Copy !req
450. - By reading
"Teetle the Timid Taxidermist".Copy !req
451. You did, really?
Then it worked.Copy !req
452. My whole plan worked
absolutely perfectly.Copy !req
453. What are you
talking about, dude?Copy !req
454. When I heard that
Officer Barbrady couldn't read,Copy !req
455. I knew I had to
motivate him somehow.Copy !req
456. So I formulated a plan
to encourage himCopy !req
457. to learn the magic of reading.Copy !req
458. So you
a bunch of chickens?Copy !req
459. Yes, yes, exactly.Copy !req
460. - Don't you see?
- Only by chickensCopy !req
461. could I get Officer Barbrady
to become literate.Copy !req
462. That doesn't make
a whole lot of sense, dude.Copy !req
463. Oh, no?
He who is blind can now see.Copy !req
464. I got Officer Barbrady to read.Copy !req
465. My plan worked perfectly.Copy !req
466. Well, I guess
I should say thanks?Copy !req
467. You're welcome.
And now my reading friend,Copy !req
468. you've proven that
you are ready for the big time.Copy !req
469. I give you this hardback copyCopy !req
470. of "Atlas Shrugged"
by Ayn Rand.Copy !req
471. Freeze!
Put your hands in the air!Copy !req
472. Cartman!Copy !req
473. I got reports
the suspect is in this area.Copy !req
474. Well, he is. It turns out
that book mobile driver hereCopy !req
475. was the one
making love to chickens.Copy !req
476. Ah, ha!Copy !req
477. Ow, that hurts!
- Whoa, dude. Cartman!Copy !req
478. No, no, that's not
how you uphold the law!Copy !req
479. But he is not listening
to my authority.Copy !req
480. Oh, oh, you've got it
all wrong, my little friend.Copy !req
481. You do it like this.Copy !req
482. You gotta get them
in the head.Copy !req
483. They go down quicker.Copy !req
484. Oh.Copy !req
485. I guess you should
leave police workCopy !req
486. to the professionals,
huh, Cartman?Copy !req
487. Well, anyway, I'm relieving
you of your duties.Copy !req
488. I've proved that I can read,Copy !req
489. and now I'm back on the job.Copy !req
490. Hurray!Copy !req
491. Hey, so what are
you gonna do now?Copy !req
492. Now?
Well...Copy !req
493. I, uh, I think
I'll get in the bathtubCopy !req
494. and then curl up
with a good book.Copy !req
495. - And so today,
South Park held a paradeCopy !req
496. to honor Officer BarbradyCopy !req
497. and his heroic work
on the chicken case.Copy !req
498. Thank you, everybody,
thank you!Copy !req
499. Speech, speech!
- What?Copy !req
500. They want you to give
a speech, Officer Barbrady,Copy !req
501. about the whole experience
over the last couple of days.Copy !req
502. Oh, okay.Copy !req
503. Well, first of allCopy !req
504. I'd like to thank
the town of South Park,Copy !req
505. the town that bore meCopy !req
506. and eventually will rob me
of my life precious.Copy !req
507. Second, I'd like to say
to all those out thereCopy !req
508. who think they can
screw chickensCopy !req
509. just to teach people to read,Copy !req
510. your days are numbered!Copy !req
511. And finally I'd like to sayCopy !req
512. that reading totally sucks ass.Copy !req
513. Hurray!Copy !req
514. Yes, at first I was happy
to be learning how to read.Copy !req
515. It seemed exciting and magical,Copy !req
516. but then I read this,Copy !req
517. "Atlas Shrugged", by Ayn Rand.Copy !req
518. I read every last word
of this garbageCopy !req
519. and because of
this piece of shitCopy !req
520. I'm never reading again!Copy !req
521. Hurray for Barbrady!Copy !req
522. Wow, I guess reading
really does suck ass.Copy !req
523. Hey, that's what I've been
saying all along, you guys.Copy !req
524. I'm just glad everything
turned out okay,Copy !req
525. and Barbrady got his job back.Copy !req
526. It's poetic justice.Copy !req
527. Thanks, boys.Copy !req