1. Oh, hello, back already?Copy !req
2. - Well, as you can see,Copy !req
3. that episode is what we
in the business refer toCopy !req
4. as a "cliffhanger".Copy !req
5. To find out who Cartman's
father was,Copy !req
6. we told viewers to tune in
four weeks later.Copy !req
7. Well, four weeks later
just happened to beCopy !req
8. April Fools' Day, and so we
thought it would be funCopy !req
9. to not air the cliffhanger
payoffCopy !req
10. but instead air somethingCopy !req
11. completely irrelevant
and stupid:Copy !req
12. A full half-hour
Terrance and Phillip episode.Copy !req
13. And the viewers
responded splendidly.Copy !req
14. We even saved some
of their commentsCopy !req
15. on our office answering
machine.Copy !req
16. I'm gonna come down there
and cut off your testicles.Copy !req
17. And I'm never watching
"South Park" again.Copy !req
18. You think you're funnyCopy !req
19. not telling us who
Cartman's father is?Copy !req
20. I hope you both die.Copy !req
21. I can't go on not knowing
who Cartman's father is.Copy !req
22. I just can't. I can't go—Copy !req
23. Now can I have my medication?Copy !req
24. Dude, do the dog dance
some more.Copy !req
25. Dog dance.
Bow-bow, bow-wow.Copy !req
26. Yeah, beep like—
beep like a Jeep.Copy !req
27. Beep beep, beep beep.
- Do a puffer fish.Copy !req
28. Puff, puff, pfffff.Copy !req
29. I'll swim.
I'll do fish dance.Copy !req
30. Yeah, yeah.
You want your medicine?Copy !req
31. You want your medicine?Copy !req
32. Here, go get it. Go get it.Copy !req
33. Oh, no. You guys are jerks.Copy !req
34. Hello.Copy !req
35. What a grump.
- Jeez, Mr. Grumpy Pants.Copy !req
36. Well, after the Terrance
and Phillip episode,Copy !req
37. which honestly really is
Matt and I's favorite episode,Copy !req
38. we finally aired the episode
you're about to see.Copy !req
39. - It's called, "Cartman's Mom
is Still a Dirty Slut."Copy !req
40. Previously
on "South Park"...Copy !req
41. an air of sobriety fills
the laboratories.Copy !req
42. The men of South Park
gather to find outCopy !req
43. which one of them
fathered this boy.Copy !req
44. Who is Eric Cartman's
father?Copy !req
45. At the end of
tonight's episode,Copy !req
46. you will know
the answer.Copy !req
47. And now,
to continue...Copy !req
48. The father is indeed
someone in this room.Copy !req
49. Man, this feels like
the longest minute of my life.Copy !req
50. Oh, hey Kenny.Copy !req
51. Gentlemen,
the father is...Copy !req
52. Hey, what the
hell's going on?Copy !req
53. It's a power
outage.Copy !req
54. Is everybody
okay?Copy !req
55. That sounded
like a gunshot.Copy !req
56. Oh my God, look!Copy !req
57. You bastards!Copy !req
58. Mofesto's been shot!Copy !req
59. Is he... Dead?Copy !req
60. Hey, this window
is shot out, too.Copy !req
61. That means the killer was
not somebody in this room.Copy !req
62. Then who was it?Copy !req
63. Who shot Mofesto?Copy !req
64. Was it the
school counselor?Copy !req
65. Or was it
Miss Crabtree...?Copy !req
66. Hey, wait a minute.Copy !req
67. I didn't find out
who my father was!Copy !req
68. Or was it
Miss Broflovski?Copy !req
69. Wait, he's still breathing,
he's not dead.Copy !req
70. Godammit,
who's my father?Copy !req
71. We have to get him
to the hospital.Copy !req
72. You've gotta
be kidding me!Copy !req
73. Come on, children.Copy !req
74. That poor kid.Copy !req
75. It must be hell for him
going through all this.Copy !req
76. There's a murderer
free in South Park!Copy !req
77. We have to find
out who it isCopy !req
78. before they
kill again!Copy !req
79. Yeah, God only knows who
they'll kill next.Copy !req
80. Who will they kill next?Copy !req
81. Will it be Jimbo,
Barbrady,Copy !req
82. the Denver Broncos?Copy !req
83. Is he awake yet?Copy !req
84. He's bleeding pretty
bad back here.Copy !req
85. Don't let him bleed
on my Meredith Baxter-BirneyCopy !req
86. memorial towel!Copy !req
87. What's a Meredith Baxter-Birney
memorial towel?Copy !req
88. I was actually with
Meredith Baxter-BirneyCopy !req
89. in this very car.Copy !req
90. And afterwards
we used that towel to...Copy !req
91. Wait a minute, why am I telling
you this?Copy !req
92. Could you pull over
so I can get out?Copy !req
93. What, we have to get
to the hospital.Copy !req
94. I have to
get out first.Copy !req
95. I'm not gonna make it,
I can't stand hospitals.Copy !req
96. Sorry Stan,Copy !req
97. we just got
to drop MofestoCopy !req
98. and then we can get
out of there, alright?Copy !req
99. Man, it's really
starting to snow.Copy !req
100. I hope they don't
close the roads.Copy !req
101. They can't,
Mofesto can't die.Copy !req
102. Maybe it's better you don't
know who your father is, Cartman.Copy !req
103. No way dude,Copy !req
104. I can't stand to
leave things unfinished.Copy !req
105. It's like when you hear
the first part of that song,Copy !req
106. "Come Sail Away"
by Styx.Copy !req
107. If I hear the first
part of that song,Copy !req
108. I have to finish it.Copy !req
109. Really?Copy !req
110. Yeah, I can't do anything
until it's done.Copy !req
111. No, don't!Copy !req
112. Whoa, dude!Copy !req
113. What are we gonna
do, mayor?Copy !req
114. This killer is on the loose.Copy !req
115. We can't even
leave our homesCopy !req
116. for fear of our
children's safety!Copy !req
117. Uhh, where are
our children?Copy !req
118. Officer Barbrady,Copy !req
119. let's pretend
for one secondCopy !req
120. that we had a competent
law enforcer in this town,Copy !req
121. what would he do?Copy !req
122. Hmm, that's a good
question, mayor.Copy !req
123. Let me get right on
that with thinking.Copy !req
124. Mayor, mayor!Copy !req
125. The press is here.Copy !req
126. My name is
Sid Greenfield,Copy !req
127. I'm the director
from Los AngelesCopy !req
128. for "America's
Most Wanted".Copy !req
129. You certainly made it
up here quickly.Copy !req
130. We're desperate
for stories.Copy !req
131. And this one
is so compelling.Copy !req
132. Really?Copy !req
133. Sure, this story
has everything—Copy !req
134. people, furniture, talking,
it's a real American story.Copy !req
135. I thought
of something.Copy !req
136. No, wait, that's
subtraction.Copy !req
137. Mr. Director Person,Copy !req
138. what exactly
do you want to do?Copy !req
139. Mayor, shouldn't
we be focusing...Copy !req
140. Shh.Copy !req
141. We just want to
do are-creationCopy !req
142. of the story
for our show.Copy !req
143. Then we'll flash
a number on the screenCopy !req
144. that people can call
if they have any informationCopy !req
145. regarding the identity
or location of the shooter.Copy !req
146. That's it.Copy !req
147. You win, we win,
America wins.Copy !req
148. Are you sure this wouldn't
make our little townCopy !req
149. look dangerous?Copy !req
150. Don't worry, mayor.Copy !req
151. "America's Most Wanted"
is not about violence,Copy !req
152. it's about family.Copy !req
153. It is?Copy !req
154. Well, in that case,
I guess it's okay.Copy !req
155. Great, we'll get started
with auditions immediately.Copy !req
156. What part should
we cast first?Copy !req
157. Who will the director
cast first?Copy !req
158. Will it be Mr. Garrison,
Officer Barbrady, Chef?Copy !req
159. I want to have an abortion.Copy !req
160. Well, we can do that.Copy !req
161. This must be a very difficult
time for you, Mrs...Copy !req
162. Cartman, yes, it's
such a hard decision but,Copy !req
163. I just don't feel
like I can raise a childCopy !req
164. in this screwy world.Copy !req
165. Yes, Miss Cartman,Copy !req
166. if you don't feel fit
to raise a child,Copy !req
167. an abortion is
probably the answer.Copy !req
168. Do you know the actual
time of conception?Copy !req
169. About eight years ago.Copy !req
170. I see, so
the fetus is...?Copy !req
171. Eight years old.Copy !req
172. Miss Cartman,Copy !req
173. eight years old is a little lateCopy !req
174. to be considering
abortion.Copy !req
175. Really?Copy !req
176. Yes, this is what
we would refer toCopy !req
177. as the 40th trimester!Copy !req
178. I just don't think
I'm a fit mother.Copy !req
179. We prefer to abort babies
a little earlier on.Copy !req
180. In fact, there's
a law against abortionsCopy !req
181. after the
second trimester.Copy !req
182. Well, I think you
need to keep your lawsCopy !req
183. off of my body!Copy !req
184. Hmm, I'm afraid I can't
help you, Miss Cartman.Copy !req
185. If you want to
change the lawCopy !req
186. you'll have to speak
with your congressman.Copy !req
187. Well, that's exactly
what I intend to do.Copy !req
188. Good day!Copy !req
189. Come on children,
we gotta find a doctor.Copy !req
190. I can't
do it, dude.Copy !req
191. Come on, Stan,Copy !req
192. hospitals aren't
all that bad.Copy !req
193. Yeah, stop
being a wuss.Copy !req
194. Doctor!Copy !req
195. One minute,
please.Copy !req
196. Nurse, I need 20 ccs
of sodium pentathol, stat!Copy !req
197. Whoa dude, she doesn't
have any arms.Copy !req
198. We're an equal opportunity
employer here, son.Copy !req
199. Doctor, we've got
a shot cracker outside.Copy !req
200. I'll be right
with youCopy !req
201. after I inject this man
with a long needle.Copy !req
202. Oh man, I'm
gonna be sick.Copy !req
203. There, there,
young man,Copy !req
204. medical science is
nothing to be afraid of.Copy !req
205. I think you're
hitting the bone.Copy !req
206. Yes, I can hear
the needle scrapingCopy !req
207. against the bone inside.Copy !req
208. Oops, he's
hemorrhaging.Copy !req
209. Oops, his head
fell off.Copy !req
210. I'm getting
out of here.Copy !req
211. Stan!Copy !req
212. Some people just
have a weak stomach.Copy !req
213. And the father of
Eric Cartman is...Copy !req
214. Bang, oh!Copy !req
215. Jiminy, I've been shot.Copy !req
216. Thank you very much,
we'll get back to you.Copy !req
217. I think I've seen
enough genetic engineers.Copy !req
218. Let's move on
to the auditionsCopy !req
219. for the part
of Mr. Garrison.Copy !req
220. Call the Mr. Garrison
auditions.Copy !req
221. Boy, I sure hope I'm not
Eric Cartman's father, Mr. Hat.Copy !req
222. You can say that
again, Mr. Garrison.Copy !req
223. Alright, not bad.Copy !req
224. Let's keep them
on the top pile, next!Copy !req
225. I sure hope that I'm not
Eric Cartman's father, Mr. Hat.Copy !req
226. You can say that again,
Mr. Garrison.Copy !req
227. Thank you, next!Copy !req
228. What?Copy !req
229. Next!Copy !req
230. I sure hope I'm not Eric
Cartman's father, Mr. Hat.Copy !req
231. You can say that again,
Mr. Garrison.Copy !req
232. Perfect! You got it.Copy !req
233. Let's move on
to the Chefs.Copy !req
234. And so, you see,
Congressman O'reilly,Copy !req
235. that's why I thinkCopy !req
236. abortion laws
should be changed.Copy !req
237. Well, all
I know is thatCopy !req
238. third trimester
abortions are illegal.Copy !req
239. I don't really know
anything about 40th.Copy !req
240. But the person at
"Unplanned Parenthood"Copy !req
241. said you were who
I had to talk toCopy !req
242. about changing
the law.Copy !req
243. No, I think you've
got to talk to the governorCopy !req
244. about that stuff.Copy !req
245. Oh, dear.Copy !req
246. Well, this is about
all I can do for him.Copy !req
247. Can't you get
him to talk?Copy !req
248. I have to know
who my father is!Copy !req
249. Sorry son,
it might be a while.Copy !req
250. Wake up,
you son-of-a-bitch!Copy !req
251. Whoa!Copy !req
252. Now son, that's not
gonna do him any good.Copy !req
253. I'll let you know if there's
a change in his condition.Copy !req
254. I can't wait
anymore.Copy !req
255. What am
I supposed to do?Copy !req
256. Hey Cartman!Copy !req
257. What?Copy !req
258. Okay, let's get
out of here, now.Copy !req
259. I don't know if
that's gonna be too easy.Copy !req
260. My God, that's
a helluva storm.Copy !req
261. Weak.Copy !req
262. God, I hate
mountains.Copy !req
263. This better not push back
our shooting schedule.Copy !req
264. Okay people, let's
rehearse the reenactmentCopy !req
265. from the top
before we shoot it.Copy !req
266. Who's that?Copy !req
267. That's TV's Eric Roberts.Copy !req
268. We were able to get
him to play the partCopy !req
269. of the little
monkey guy.Copy !req
270. Oh, talk about
washed up, huh?Copy !req
271. Great to have
you, Eric.Copy !req
272. Here we go
and action!Copy !req
273. I want to announce
who the father is.Copy !req
274. Bang.Copy !req
275. I've been shot.Copy !req
276. Nobody move,
I'm a law officer.Copy !req
277. My God, I think he's gone
into cardiac arrest.Copy !req
278. You seem somewhat
unnerved by this Chef.Copy !req
279. Are you accusing
me, Barbrady?Copy !req
280. Because
if you are, accuse!Copy !req
281. Don't hide behind
your clever riddles!Copy !req
282. Our differences must be set
aside for now, Mr. Chef.Copy !req
283. I'm simply a man,Copy !req
284. a man trying
to do my job.Copy !req
285. Wow, this is
a good movie.Copy !req
286. Dude, when can we
get out of here?Copy !req
287. Doctor, I can't focus.Copy !req
288. We're doing the best
we can, ma'am.Copy !req
289. They've closed
the passCopy !req
290. so none of the other doctors
can get through.Copy !req
291. For now, it's just
me and Nurse Goodly.Copy !req
292. Wait a second,
they've closed the pass?Copy !req
293. Yes, I'm afraid we're
critically understaffed.Copy !req
294. Unless we
get help soon,Copy !req
295. all these people in here
are completely fucked.Copy !req
296. Metaphorically
speaking, that is.Copy !req
297. What about
Mofesto?Copy !req
298. Are you taking
care of him?Copy !req
299. He's on full life-support
and breathing fine.Copy !req
300. He shouldn't
need any help.Copy !req
301. So long as the power
doesn't go out.Copy !req
302. Who didn't see that
coming a mile away, huh?Copy !req
303. Tonight on
"America's Most Wanted",Copy !req
304. a shooter is on
the loose on Colorado,Copy !req
305. and the residents
are up in arms!Copy !req
306. Here's your host
John Walsh.Copy !req
307. Good evening and welcome
to "America's Most Wanted".Copy !req
308. Tonight, terror invaded
the small mountain communityCopy !req
309. of South Park, Colorado.Copy !req
310. When Dr. Alfonse Mofesto
was gunned downCopy !req
311. in his laboratory,Copy !req
312. "America's Most Wanted"
has reconstructed this heinous crimeCopy !req
313. in hopes that your calls
can help solve the case.Copy !req
314. I've been shot.Copy !req
315. My God Mr. Hat,
get some help!Copy !req
316. Right away,
Mr. Garrison!Copy !req
317. No, no, my lifetime
partner and friend,Copy !req
318. gone, taken away
in the wink of an eye...Copy !req
319. What the...Copy !req
320. Eric Roberts is
improv-ing lines again.Copy !req
321. I'm gonna get
the man to a hospital.Copy !req
322. Who will help me?Copy !req
323. This is not a world
I want to live in...Copy !req
324. What the hell
is this?Copy !req
325. We've lost
the feed to L.A.Copy !req
326. Uh, we seem to have
lost our link upCopy !req
327. to the South Park crew.Copy !req
328. So I guess we'll be going
to our feature movie,Copy !req
329. "Who Framed
Roger Rabbit?"Copy !req
330. Who framed Roger Rabbit?Copy !req
331. Was it Jimbo,
Mr. Garrison, Chef?Copy !req
332. Somebody go see why
we lost the hook up.Copy !req
333. Holy smokes, that blizzard
is getting crazy.Copy !req
334. Don't panic, anybody,Copy !req
335. the power lines are downCopy !req
336. but the back-up generator
is running just fine.Copy !req
337. Nurse, I could use
some help in here.Copy !req
338. Coming.Copy !req
339. Lady, is Mofesto
gonna be okay?Copy !req
340. Yes, for now,Copy !req
341. but I'm afraid the generator won't
run for long.Copy !req
342. The batteries run out
in half an hour.Copy !req
343. Time is very short.Copy !req
344. Nurse, please,
I need another pair
of hands in here.Copy !req
345. Sorry.Copy !req
346. Don't you see
governor,Copy !req
347. I should have a right
to have an abortionCopy !req
348. if I want one.Copy !req
349. Well, I don't know.Copy !req
350. I might need some
more convincing.Copy !req
351. I mean, what
right do I haveCopy !req
352. bringing another childCopy !req
353. into this over-populated
world?Copy !req
354. Then again, I should
have thought of thatCopy !req
355. before
having sex. Then again —Copy !req
356. Oh, I just don't know.Copy !req
357. Please Mr. Chef.Copy !req
358. I have over 100 people
to tend to here.Copy !req
359. And only myself
and Nurse Goodly.Copy !req
360. What do you want
me to do?Copy !req
361. Do you know anything
about surgery?Copy !req
362. I used to
watch "Quincy".Copy !req
363. What, why the hell
didn't you say so?Copy !req
364. Put on some scrubs!Copy !req
365. Boys, I'm making you
all honorary doctors.Copy !req
366. You can help us save
these people's lives.Copy !req
367. No way, dude!Copy !req
368. Well, we're not going
anywhere for a long time.Copy !req
369. We're
snowed in?Copy !req
370. Yes, we're trapped.Copy !req
371. Like sailors
on a submarine.Copy !req
372. My God, this is the worse
storm I've ever seen.Copy !req
373. Oh, I have to get
out of here.Copy !req
374. I haven't eaten
since breakfast.Copy !req
375. Yeah, I'm getting
hungry, too.Copy !req
376. I hope you
all realizeCopy !req
377. what we might
be facing here.Copy !req
378. Our only option might be
to eat each otherCopy !req
379. to stay alive.Copy !req
380. It's only been, like, four hours.Copy !req
381. Aren't you resorting
to cannibalismCopy !req
382. a little quickly?Copy !req
383. That's the law of land, Mr. Director!Copy !req
384. I know it ain't pretty but if
a few of us must dieCopy !req
385. so the rest can stay alive,
so be it.Copy !req
386. But how do
we decide who?Copy !req
387. Well, we draw straws.Copy !req
388. Now, wait a minute, we all had a
big breakfast.Copy !req
389. Can't you people go without
eating for a little while?Copy !req
390. Calm down, soldier!Copy !req
391. We need every person
here to keep his head.Copy !req
392. Barbrady,
fetch some straws.Copy !req
393. Well, who the hell made
you the boss anyway?Copy !req
394. Who the hell
made Jimbo boss?Copy !req
395. Was it Barbrady,
Chef, Mr...Copy !req
396. This man's
appendix has burst!Copy !req
397. I have no choice
but to operate nowCopy !req
398. with our
limited power.Copy !req
399. I need you all
to be strong for me.Copy !req
400. Nurse Goodly will
take care of the anesthesia.Copy !req
401. Chef, you act
as her arms.Copy !req
402. Boys, you have to help
with suction and bandages.Copy !req
403. Ready?Copy !req
404. No.Copy !req
405. I'll make an incision
over the heart.Copy !req
406. Oh, boy.Copy !req
407. Dude! You barfed
into the incision.Copy !req
408. Sweet!Copy !req
409. Suction!Copy !req
410. Hey, they're screwing
with the lights.Copy !req
411. Who is screwing
with the lights?Copy !req
412. Is it Barbrady,
or Jimbo,Copy !req
413. or the 1991
Denver Broncos?Copy !req
414. That is really starting
to piss me off.Copy !req
415. Alright, so far,Copy !req
416. everybody has
a long piece of straw.Copy !req
417. We'll keep drawing.Copy !req
418. Whew!Copy !req
419. Whew!Copy !req
420. Wait a minute.Copy !req
421. Where the hell
is the short one?Copy !req
422. The short what?Copy !req
423. Dammit, Barbrady!Copy !req
424. When you
draw strawsCopy !req
425. you're supposed to
have one of them short!Copy !req
426. That's how
you decide who loses.Copy !req
427. That's not
how I played it.Copy !req
428. Ugh, could we hurry this up, my
stomach is growling.Copy !req
429. I found a map that
shows the locationCopy !req
430. of a back-up generator.Copy !req
431. Apparently they built
self sustaining generatorCopy !req
432. for just this kind
of emergency.Copy !req
433. But it's out and
away from the hospital.Copy !req
434. So how do
we get to it?Copy !req
435. We must split up
into two teams.Copy !req
436. Team "A" and team "B".Copy !req
437. Team "A" will consist
of myself, Stan, Kyle,Copy !req
438. Eric, Chef
and Nurse Goodly.Copy !req
439. Team "B" will
consist of Kenny.Copy !req
440. Now listen
closely team "B".Copy !req
441. Your goal will be to turn on
the back-up generator.Copy !req
442. To do this you must
brave the storm outsideCopy !req
443. and get into
this sewage duct.Copy !req
444. Meanwhile, team "A" will
go to the holding area hereCopy !req
445. where there is a television
and some cocoa.Copy !req
446. We will drink the cocoa and
watch family programmingCopy !req
447. until team "B" makes it
through the sewage duct.Copy !req
448. By that time,
team "B" -Copy !req
449. remember,
that's you, Kenny -Copy !req
450. should reach the outer
core of the generator.Copy !req
451. It will be a cold and
dangerous climb to the top.Copy !req
452. And there could
velociraptors here.Copy !req
453. Once you
reach the top,Copy !req
454. you should be able
to get a clear viewCopy !req
455. through
this window of us,Copy !req
456. drinking cocoa and
watching television.Copy !req
457. Then you can proceed
down into the generatorCopy !req
458. and power it on.Copy !req
459. Are there any
questions?Copy !req
460. No, that sounds
pretty sweet to me.Copy !req
461. Right, then
let's do it.Copy !req
462. Go team.Copy !req
463. I can't... go on...Copy !req
464. so hungry.Copy !req
465. We're all going to die
in this horrible place.Copy !req
466. We have to have the energy
to make it through the night.Copy !req
467. We have to eat.Copy !req
468. How can we?Copy !req
469. How can we live
with ourselves?Copy !req
470. There's only
one answer.Copy !req
471. Eat Eric Roberts!Copy !req
472. Yes, of course,Copy !req
473. Nobody gives a shit
about Eric Roberts.Copy !req
474. Eat Eric Roberts!Copy !req
475. No! No, please!Copy !req
476. well, there's no
going back now,Copy !req
477. We're cannibals,
God save us.Copy !req
478. God wants you to
live, mayor, fight.Copy !req
479. I have to admit,
Eric RobertsCopy !req
480. was much juicier
than I expected.Copy !req
481. This snow just
isn't letting up.Copy !req
482. We're gonna die
here, I know it!Copy !req
483. What time is it,
Barbrady?Copy !req
484. It's almost midnight.Copy !req
485. Oh, I can't go on.Copy !req
486. We'll give the storm
another hour.Copy !req
487. After that we might
have to eat again.Copy !req
488. What?Copy !req
489. Christ, are you people
diabetic or something?Copy !req
490. Team "B",
come in team "B".Copy !req
491. Listen team "B",Copy !req
492. we found another
path to the generator.Copy !req
493. There's actually a nice
heated walkway to it,Copy !req
494. so you don't need to walk
through all that sewage.Copy !req
495. Oh, well forget
I said that then.Copy !req
496. Listen team "B",
you should be seeingCopy !req
497. a large drift of snow
with some metalCopy !req
498. sticking out of it
just to your left.Copy !req
499. Good, head
towards it.Copy !req
500. Team "A" out.Copy !req
501. What if Mofesto
never wakes up?Copy !req
502. And I never find out
who my father is?Copy !req
503. My God, what a
harrowing taleCopy !req
504. of human drama
this is!Copy !req
505. All of us doing what
we must to survive.Copy !req
506. It is amazing what people
can do under stress.Copy !req
507. Just look at
the pyramids.Copy !req
508. Nobody knows how
they built those,Copy !req
509. or who.Copy !req
510. Who built the pyramids?Copy !req
511. Was it
the Babylonians?Copy !req
512. Officer Barbrady?Copy !req
513. Samaritans?Copy !req
514. Roger, team "B".Copy !req
515. He's reached the back-up
generator.Copy !req
516. Team "B", can you see
the two copper nodes?Copy !req
517. Good.Copy !req
518. Now is there a
wire connecting them?Copy !req
519. Damn, the wire connecting
the nodes is gone.Copy !req
520. We need to complete
the circuit between themCopy !req
521. or we're screwed.Copy !req
522. Do you have
any wire here?Copy !req
523. There's no time.Copy !req
524. Once these lights
flicker outCopy !req
525. all these patients on
life support are gonna die.Copy !req
526. No Kenny,
you can't.Copy !req
527. There must be
some other way.Copy !req
528. He's gonna make
the connectionCopy !req
529. himself with
his hands.Copy !req
530. No, he'll die.Copy !req
531. Go Kenny!Copy !req
532. Kenny, no!Copy !req
533. Oh my God,
they've killed Kenny.Copy !req
534. You bastards!Copy !req
535. The power!Copy !req
536. Quickly, get the scanner
running again.Copy !req
537. We've got
a chance now.Copy !req
538. Well, okay,
Mrs. Cartman,Copy !req
539. I'll legalize 40th
trimester abortions for you.Copy !req
540. Oh, thank you,
thank you.Copy !req
541. We'll have the pregnancy
terminated immediately.Copy !req
542. Terminated?Copy !req
543. Yes, that's what
an abortion is.Copy !req
544. No, I didn't
mean that.Copy !req
545. I meant the other
thing you can do.Copy !req
546. What's that
other "a" word?Copy !req
547. Adoption?Copy !req
548. Yes, that's
what I mean,Copy !req
549. adoption.Copy !req
550. Well, that's
pretty different.Copy !req
551. Oh, I should just
tell my son the truthCopy !req
552. about everything myself.Copy !req
553. Good day,
Mr. President.Copy !req
554. Well, we made it.Copy !req
555. The power is on,
the snow is melting,Copy !req
556. and your friend Mofesto
is doing fine.Copy !req
557. Where, where am I?Copy !req
558. You're at
the hospital, Mr. Mofesto.Copy !req
559. You were shot.Copy !req
560. Now, we don't know who
tried to shoot you, but—Copy !req
561. Oh, I'm sure it was
my brother again.Copy !req
562. He tries to shoot
me every month.Copy !req
563. Oh.Copy !req
564. Where's the
little fat boy?Copy !req
565. He'll be delighted
that Mofesto is awake.Copy !req
566. He went off looking
for Mr. Kenny.Copy !req
567. He was a good friend
and I'll miss him.Copy !req
568. He was very brave.Copy !req
569. He risked his life
so that Mofesto can live.Copy !req
570. Yeah and now he's
a freezy-pop.Copy !req
571. Dude, do you think
if we hit him with a shovelCopy !req
572. he'd shatter?Copy !req
573. I don't know!
Let's find out.Copy !req
574. It's over.Copy !req
575. We're free.Copy !req
576. Yes, but at what cost,
Mr. Garrison?Copy !req
577. At what cost?Copy !req
578. Listen
everybody,Copy !req
579. we did what we
had to in there.Copy !req
580. But, how will we live
with ourselves now?Copy !req
581. One day at
a time, mayor,Copy !req
582. one day at a time.Copy !req
583. Well, I'm bringing home some Eric Roberts
in a doggie bag.Copy !req
584. Does anybody
else want some?Copy !req
585. I'm glad you
could all come.Copy !req
586. I can finally revealCopy !req
587. who the father of
Eric Cartman is.Copy !req
588. But first I want to
thank Kenny McCormickCopy !req
589. for sacrificing
his life...Copy !req
590. Just tell us,
already!Copy !req
591. Alright, alright.Copy !req
592. The father of
Eric Cartman is...Copy !req
593. Say did anybody
see thatCopy !req
594. Therrance and Phillip special
last month?Copy !req
595. Wasn't that
just the funniest...Copy !req
596. Stop it, tell me
who my father is!Copy !req
597. As I said before,Copy !req
598. the father is
somebody in this room.Copy !req
599. The father is...Copy !req
600. Mrs. Cartman.Copy !req
601. What?Copy !req
602. Yes, it's true.Copy !req
603. No, that doesn't
make sense.Copy !req
604. Yes, it took quite
a while for meCopy !req
605. to understand
as well.Copy !req
606. You see, Mrs. Cartman
is a hermaphrodite.Copy !req
607. Meaning what?Copy !req
608. Meaning that she has both
male and female genitals.Copy !req
609. It's true.Copy !req
610. You mean at
the drunken barn danceCopy !req
611. when we all got
together with her,Copy !req
612. She was a he?Copy !req
613. No, no, not exactly,
but she did have a penis.Copy !req
614. The fact of the matter
is hermaphroditesCopy !req
615. cannot bear children,Copy !req
616. So Miss Cartman's
DNA match with EricCopy !req
617. can only mean that
she is his fatherCopy !req
618. and she got
another woman pregnantCopy !req
619. at the drunken
barn dance.Copy !req
620. Oh man, this
is weak.Copy !req
621. Dude, you're
a big fat assCopy !req
622. and your mom's
a hermapholite.Copy !req
623. I'm sorry I never
told you, Eric.Copy !req
624. I just thoughtCopy !req
625. maybe it would be
a little shocking to you.Copy !req
626. Oh wow, gee whiz,
you think so, Mom?Copy !req
627. Well, that's that.
Thank you all for playing.Copy !req
628. No, no,
wait a minute.Copy !req
629. If she's my dad,
then who's my mom?Copy !req
630. Who is Eric Cartman's mother?Copy !req
631. Is it Mrs. Crabtree?Copy !req
632. Sheila Broflovski?Copy !req
633. The mayor?Copy !req
634. Oh, forget it!Copy !req