1. What the hell
are you singing, Cartman?Copy !req
2. This new song
by Alanis Morissette.Copy !req
3. I can't get it
out of my head.Copy !req
4. Hello, children,
ready for lunch?Copy !req
5. Eric, is there a problem?Copy !req
6. Yeah, I can't get this stupid
song out of my head!Copy !req
7. "Stinky Britches"
by Alanis Morissette?Copy !req
8. Yeah!Copy !req
9. Children, did you say hi
to Mr. Twig?Copy !req
10. "Hi boys,
how are you?"Copy !req
11. When is Mr. Hat
coming back?Copy !req
12. I told you never to say
his name in my presence.Copy !req
13. But we hate Mr. Twig.
Mr. Twig sucks.Copy !req
14. Yeah.Copy !req
15. It just so happens
that Mr. TwigCopy !req
16. is far more stable
than Mr. Hat could ever be,Copy !req
17. so he's the better puppet.
Now—Copy !req
18. He'd be better used
as a coat rack.Copy !req
19. How dare you!
C'mon, Mr. Twig.Copy !req
20. Hello there, children!Copy !req
21. Hey, Chef.Copy !req
22. What did you say?Copy !req
23. He's singing some
new hit song.Copy !req
24. Eric, where did
you hear that song?Copy !req
25. It's all over the place,
on the radio,Copy !req
26. MTV, everywhere.Copy !req
27. Well, I'll be sodomized
on Christmas.Copy !req
28. What, dude?Copy !req
29. Children, I wrote that song
20 years ago.Copy !req
30. You wrote it?
- Yeah.Copy !req
31. Back when I used to be
in the rock business.Copy !req
32. And now it looks like some big
record companyCopy !req
33. has published one of my songs.Copy !req
34. Wow, then you should
get money for it.Copy !req
35. Oh, I don't want any money.Copy !req
36. I'd just like to see my name
on the credits, that's all.Copy !req
37. Then we should go to
the record company.Copy !req
38. My dad's a lawyer, dude,Copy !req
39. he tells me about this stuff
all the time.Copy !req
40. Well, all right,
then I will go.Copy !req
41. I'll play them my version
of the song.Copy !req
42. So you see,
Mr. Big Record Producer,Copy !req
43. "Stinky Britches" was something
I wrote several years ago.Copy !req
44. Hmm, I really see no
resemblance between that songCopy !req
45. and "Stinky Britches" by
our artist, Alanis Morissette.Copy !req
46. Huh?
- It's the same goddamn song!Copy !req
47. Now, look, I'm trying to be
cool about this.Copy !req
48. But you can't just rip
people's music off.Copy !req
49. It's against the law.Copy !req
50. I'm above the law!Copy !req
51. Mr. Chef, I'm afraid you
leave me no alternative.Copy !req
52. We're going to sue you.Copy !req
53. Sue me?Copy !req
54. You stole one of my songs,Copy !req
55. and you're gonna sue me?Copy !req
56. Yes, I suggest you get
a real good lawyer.Copy !req
57. We'll have the best
in the business.Copy !req
58. We'll get my dad
to be Chef's lawyer!Copy !req
59. Yeah, and he's Jewish!Copy !req
60. Mr. Twig, is that you?Copy !req
61. Mr. Twig?Copy !req
62. Aah!Copy !req
63. Mr. Twig, no!Copy !req
64. Who did this to you, Mr. Twig?
Who?Copy !req
65. Now, just let me do
all the talking, Chef.Copy !req
66. We're gonna bring
these bastards down.Copy !req
67. Right.
- This court is now in session.Copy !req
68. Who is representing
the defense?Copy !req
69. I am, your honor,
Gerald Broflovski.Copy !req
70. And representing
the prosecution?Copy !req
71. I am, your honor.
Johnnie Cochran.Copy !req
72. Uh-oh.Copy !req
73. Why "uh-oh"?
- Chef, that's Johnnie Cochran.Copy !req
74. He's the guy who got O.J. Off.Copy !req
75. Uh-oh.Copy !req
76. I need some help
over here!Copy !req
77. Please help, I think he's got
third degree burns!Copy !req
78. Give the child to me.Copy !req
79. Is he going
to be all right, Doctor?Copy !req
80. Uh...
- Is he going to live?Copy !req
81. It's a stick.Copy !req
82. Damn it, don't give me
that medical jargon.Copy !req
83. Just tell me straight,
is he gonna be okay?Copy !req
84. And so on this 15th day
of what is consideredCopy !req
85. to be the most important
trial of the... day,Copy !req
86. Johnnie Cochran has appeared
to defend Capitalist Records.Copy !req
87. The question now is,Copy !req
88. will Cochran use his
famous Chewbacca defense?Copy !req
89. What's a Chewbacca defense?
- I don't know.Copy !req
90. That's what Cochran used
in the O.J. Simpson trial.Copy !req
91. Goddamn,
I hate that Cochran guy!Copy !req
92. If he was here in front of me,
I'd be like...Copy !req
93. hey!Copy !req
94. You stupid son of a bitch!Copy !req
95. I'm gonna kick you in the nuts!Copy !req
96. I'm sure that would scare
the hell out of him, Cartman.Copy !req
97. And so, in summation, ladies
and gentlemen of the jury,Copy !req
98. you've heard the version
of my client's songCopy !req
99. recorded over 20 years ago.Copy !req
100. You've heard
the exact same songCopy !req
101. produced by these cheats
in the past month.Copy !req
102. I'd say it's pretty much
an open and shut case.Copy !req
103. Make the right decision.
Thank you.Copy !req
104. We've got them.Copy !req
105. Mr. Johnnie Cochran,
your closing arguments?Copy !req
106. Ladies and gentlemen
of the supposed jury.Copy !req
107. Chef's attorney would certainly
want you to believeCopy !req
108. that his client wrote
"Stinky Britches"Copy !req
109. ten years ago,
and they make a good case.Copy !req
110. Hell,
I almost felt pity myself.Copy !req
111. But ladies and gentlemen
of this supposed jury,Copy !req
112. I have one final thing
I want you to consider.Copy !req
113. Ladies and gentlemen,
this is Chewbacca.Copy !req
114. Chewbacca is a Wookie
from the planet Kashyyk.Copy !req
115. But Chewbacca lives on
the planet Endor.Copy !req
116. Now think about that.Copy !req
117. That does not make sense.Copy !req
118. Damn it.
- What?Copy !req
119. He's using
the Chewbacca defense.Copy !req
120. Why would a Wookie—Copy !req
121. an eight-foot-tall Wookie—Copy !req
122. want to live on Endor with
a bunch of two-foot-tall Ewoks?Copy !req
123. That does not make sense.Copy !req
124. But more importantly,
you have to ask yourself,Copy !req
125. what does this have to do
with this case?Copy !req
126. Nothing.Copy !req
127. Ladies and gentlemen,Copy !req
128. it has nothing to do
with this case.Copy !req
129. It does not make sense.Copy !req
130. Look at me, I'm a lawyerCopy !req
131. defending a major
record companyCopy !req
132. and I'm talking
about Chewbacca.Copy !req
133. Does that make sense?Copy !req
134. Ladies and gentlemen,
I'm not making any sense.Copy !req
135. None of this makes sense!Copy !req
136. And so you have to remember,Copy !req
137. when you're in that jury room
deliberatingCopy !req
138. and conjugating the
Emancipation Proclamation...Copy !req
139. does it make sense?
No.Copy !req
140. Ladies and gentlemen
of this supposed jury,Copy !req
141. it does not make sense.Copy !req
142. If Chewbacca lives on Endor,
you must acquit.Copy !req
143. The defense rests.Copy !req
144. Okay, then.Copy !req
145. Wow, he's good.Copy !req
146. In a teary-eyed courtroom,
Johnnie Cochran has justCopy !req
147. finished
his closing arguments,Copy !req
148. and as was anticipated, he did
use the Chewbacca defense.Copy !req
149. Whether or not it worked
is up to the jury to decide.Copy !req
150. How find you the jury?Copy !req
151. We find the defendant
Jerome "Chef" McElroy...Copy !req
152. guilty as charged.Copy !req
153. Whoops.Copy !req
154. Whoops?
- Mr. Chef,Copy !req
155. you've been found guilty of
harassing a major record label.Copy !req
156. The full fee of $2 millionCopy !req
157. will be handed
over within 24 hours.Copy !req
158. Do I look like
I have $2 million?Copy !req
159. Well, you have 24 hours
to find it,Copy !req
160. or else you'll have to
go to jail...Copy !req
161. for 8 million years.Copy !req
162. It's actually for four years.Copy !req
163. Oh, sorry, you'll go
to jail for four years.Copy !req
164. This can't be happening!Copy !req
165. Oh, no, dude.
Chef's gonna go to jail.Copy !req
166. And that chair, too.
I want that chair.Copy !req
167. Hey,
that's my favorite chair!Copy !req
168. You heard the judge.
Since you lost the case,Copy !req
169. I can seize whatever I want
to pay my legal fees.Copy !req
170. Yeah, take that
water cooler, too.Copy !req
171. Hello there, Chef.Copy !req
172. Hey, children.
- What's going on?Copy !req
173. Children, that record company
guy's taking all my belongings.Copy !req
174. And if I don't come up
with $2 million,Copy !req
175. I'm going to jail.
- Well, don't worry.Copy !req
176. We came over
to cheer you up.Copy !req
177. Yeah, ready, Cartman?
- Ready!Copy !req
178. Okay, okay, children,
thank you very much.Copy !req
179. I feel much better.
- You do?Copy !req
180. Sure, just please stop.
- See?Copy !req
181. I told you guys it would work.
- What's that, dude?Copy !req
182. This?
This is my photo albumCopy !req
183. of all my times
in the rock business.Copy !req
184. - Did you ever know
any famous people?Copy !req
185. Did I?
Janis Joplin.Copy !req
186. The Beatles.
Elton John.Copy !req
187. Got to travel
all around the world.Copy !req
188. Hanging out with bands,
going to lavish parties,Copy !req
189. loving many, many women.Copy !req
190. What's that?
- Nothing, anyway...Copy !req
191. - Take this too.
- Hey!Copy !req
192. That has no monetary value.Copy !req
193. What the hell are you
taking that for?Copy !req
194. I can take whatever I want.Copy !req
195. But I have 24 hours
to come up with your money.Copy !req
196. That's the law.
- I'm above the law!Copy !req
197. I told you not
to mess with me.Copy !req
198. That does it.
You know what I'm gonna do?Copy !req
199. I'm gonna raise
that $2 million,Copy !req
200. but I'm not gonna use it
to pay you back.Copy !req
201. I'm going to use it to hire
Johnnie Cochran myselfCopy !req
202. and sue you!Copy !req
203. You wouldn't.Copy !req
204. Watch me.Copy !req
205. Now get the fudge
out of my house!Copy !req
206. I brought you
some more juice, Mr. Twig.Copy !req
207. Are you feeling any better?Copy !req
208. I don't know who would
want to hurt you like this,Copy !req
209. but I promise, nobody will ever
hurt you again, ever.Copy !req
210. Mr. Twig?
Are you okay?Copy !req
211. Mr. Twig?Copy !req
212. Aah!Copy !req
213. Mr. Twig is broken in half!Copy !req
214. Who did this?Copy !req
215. You won't get away with this,
you bastards!Copy !req
216. Okay, thank you,
Mr. Cochran.Copy !req
217. Well, Johnnie Cochran
will take my caseCopy !req
218. if I can pay his legal fee—
$2 million.Copy !req
219. Hey, why don't you ask
all those famous peopleCopy !req
220. you used to know for money?
They're rich.Copy !req
221. Oh,
they wouldn't remember me.Copy !req
222. All I did was cook for them.Copy !req
223. You can raise $2 million,
dude—we'll help you.Copy !req
224. I appreciate that, children,Copy !req
225. but raising $2 million
is not an easy thing to do.Copy !req
226. My only hope is to whore myself
to every woman in town.Copy !req
227. Wish me luck, children.Copy !req
228. We gotta help him, dude.
- Yeah, but how?Copy !req
229. Come on, maybe those
rock stars will remember Chef.Copy !req
230. Let's go pay them a visit.Copy !req
231. Whoa, dude,
this house is huge.Copy !req
232. Yeah, it's bigger than
Cartman's ass.Copy !req
233. No, it isn't, you guys.Copy !req
234. Can I help you?Copy !req
235. We've come to raise money
for our friend, Chef.Copy !req
236. Would you like a mint crunchy
or a snacky cake?Copy !req
237. Are you Elton John?
- No, I'm one of his butlers.Copy !req
238. Ugh, then what the hell
are we talking to you for?Copy !req
239. Come on, guys.Copy !req
240. Hi.
Are you Elton John?Copy !req
241. Sir Elton John.
I was knighted, you know.Copy !req
242. We're trying to raise money
for our school chef.Copy !req
243. We have chocolate nuggets
and smoke crunchy...Copy !req
244. I'm sorry,
but I'm not a candy bar fan.Copy !req
245. What?
- Could you just buyCopy !req
246. a couple anyway?
Our friend Chef is—Copy !req
247. Chef?
You mean Chef, Chef?Copy !req
248. Yeah, dude.
- Whoa, you remember him?Copy !req
249. Of course.
I haven't seen him in so long.Copy !req
250. I remember when
I first met him.Copy !req
251. It was about 25 years ago.Copy !req
252. I was just
a struggling musicianCopy !req
253. who couldn't get a break.Copy !req
254. Hey, Elton,
don't feel so down, baby.Copy !req
255. Have some of my
Scottish haggis.Copy !req
256. It'll cheer you up.Copy !req
257. Thanks, Chef.Copy !req
258. I don't understand
what my music is missing.Copy !req
259. Look, Elton,
you are a great singer,Copy !req
260. but a retarded monkey
could write better lyrics.Copy !req
261. I really thought
I had it this timeCopy !req
262. with "Cheddar Cheese Girl."Copy !req
263. - What you need is a guyCopy !req
264. to write really good lyrics
for you.Copy !req
265. I know a guy
named Bernie TaupinCopy !req
266. who's working at Moth Burger
right now.Copy !req
267. I'll give him a call.
- That's a great idea.Copy !req
268. And Elton, why don't you get
yourself some new threads?Copy !req
269. You know,
some slick glasses and shit.Copy !req
270. And so I got Bernie
to write my lyrics.Copy !req
271. And if it wasn't for Chef,Copy !req
272. I would never
have had a career in music.Copy !req
273. So will you buy some of
our candy bars to help him out?Copy !req
274. Yes, of course.
I'll buy three Crispy Yum Yums.Copy !req
275. Three Crispy Yums Yums.Copy !req
276. Hey, Elton,
if I give you these lyrics,Copy !req
277. will you write a song
for my girlfriend, Wendy?Copy !req
278. Sure, kid, but I would retain
exclusive worldwide rights,Copy !req
279. including but not limited
to Asian territoriesCopy !req
280. with a 20% commission
on all domestic salesCopy !req
281. and sole ownership
of any of all publishing.Copy !req
282. Okay...Copy !req
283. Tell Chef I say hi.
- Thanks, dude.Copy !req
284. Dude, we'll have Chef's
$2 million in no time.Copy !req
285. I thank you, Chef.Copy !req
286. No problem, Ms. Broflovski.Copy !req
287. Uh... now,
about that hundred bucks?Copy !req
288. Of course,
here you go.Copy !req
289. Leaving so soon?Copy !req
290. I got a long way to go to
raise the kind of money I need.Copy !req
291. Well,
best of luck to you then.Copy !req
292. How was it, honey?Copy !req
293. Pretty much what I expected.Copy !req
294. Hello.
Are you Meatloaf?Copy !req
295. Yeah.
What the hell do you want?Copy !req
296. Mr. Loaf,
we are selling candy barsCopy !req
297. for our dying friend.
- He's not dying, Cartman.Copy !req
298. Shut your Goddamn mouth.Copy !req
299. We have nougat crunchies,
berry bars—Copy !req
300. What's this for?
- Our friend Chef.Copy !req
301. Chef's in trouble?
- Yeah, do you know him?Copy !req
302. Do I?Copy !req
303. Nobody came again.Copy !req
304. There, there, Cous-Cous,
it'll be all right.Copy !req
305. Maybe you just need
to change your image.Copy !req
306. What do you mean?
- Nobody wants to see a guyCopy !req
307. named Cous-Cous.Copy !req
308. You need a big,
strong beefy name.Copy !req
309. Beefy, like a...Copy !req
310. Tri-Tip!
- That's not bad.Copy !req
311. Here, have some meatloaf.Copy !req
312. I owe everything to Chef.Copy !req
313. Wow, so you'll help him?
- You bet.Copy !req
314. Give me a box
of Nilla Yums YumsCopy !req
315. and a couple of berry bars.Copy !req
316. Cool!
- Yeah!Copy !req
317. All right, let's get
this show on the road!Copy !req
318. Come here, baby!Copy !req
319. Uh, hold on a second,
Ms. Crabtree.Copy !req
320. How would you like to use
some sex toys?Copy !req
321. Sex toys?
Like what?Copy !req
322. Like this
very special device.Copy !req
323. I call it
"Chef's pleasure bag."Copy !req
324. How does it work?
- All you doCopy !req
325. is put this paper bag
over your head,Copy !req
326. and it increases
your sexual pleasure.Copy !req
327. Really? Well, hell,
let's give it a shot.Copy !req
328. Ah, yeah.
That's much better.Copy !req
329. Sure,
I'll do anything for Chef.Copy !req
330. Give me a box
of those Choco-nomos.Copy !req
331. Gosh, thanks, Rick James.
- Yeah, thanks.Copy !req
332. That's $35.
Come on, you guys.Copy !req
333. We gotta hurry
and get this money to Chef.Copy !req
334. Oh, that was wonderful, Chef.
Good show.Copy !req
335. Oh, I can't keep doing this.
It's killing me.Copy !req
336. Ah, come on,
buck up, little fella.Copy !req
337. I'm serious.
I'm not gonna make it.Copy !req
338. Sure you are, Chef.Copy !req
339. I'll give you a hundred more
for another rump.Copy !req
340. Ah, hell.Copy !req
341. - Thanks for coming,
Officer Barbrady.Copy !req
342. What's this all about?
- These pictures just arrived.Copy !req
343. I set up a cameraCopy !req
344. and caught Mr. Twig's assailant
red-handed.Copy !req
345. Now go arrest him.Copy !req
346. What?
- Can I go now?Copy !req
347. Yes, yes, I'm sorry.Copy !req
348. Weirdo.Copy !req
349. It can't be.Copy !req
350. This can't be right.Copy !req
351. Mr. Hat!Copy !req
352. Wait, what are you doing?Copy !req
353. It's over, children.Copy !req
354. I couldn't raise the $2 million
to hire Johnnie Cochran.Copy !req
355. Now I have to go to jail.
- No, you don't.Copy !req
356. Huh?
- We went to a bunchCopy !req
357. of rock stars
and sold them candy barsCopy !req
358. to raise the money you needed.Copy !req
359. Did what?
Wow, how much did you make?Copy !req
360. Cartman?
- Well, you can see hereCopy !req
361. that we raised
approximately $95.Copy !req
362. Falling well short
of our $2 million goal,Copy !req
363. illustrated here.
- Oh.Copy !req
364. - But we can put our money
togetherCopy !req
365. with the money you made whoring
yourself to all the women.Copy !req
366. How much did you make?
- I made about $410,300 but—Copy !req
367. That doesn't matter because
that money belongs to me.Copy !req
368. You can't take Chef's money.
That's illegal.Copy !req
369. - I'm above the law!Copy !req
370. All right, you,
it's time to go.Copy !req
371. Good-bye, children.Copy !req
372. Thanks for all your help.Copy !req
373. Let's go.
- Ow!Copy !req
374. What the hell
did you do that for?Copy !req
375. I don't tell you
how to do your job,Copy !req
376. don't tell me
how to do mine.Copy !req
377. Ow!
Ow!Copy !req
378. - Dude, Chef is gone.Copy !req
379. No more Chef.Copy !req
380. No more Salisbury steak
and pecan pie...Copy !req
381. We can't let him down,
you guys.Copy !req
382. Dude, it's over, he's gone.Copy !req
383. No.
Chef wouldn't give up on us.Copy !req
384. How many times has Chef
gotten us out of trouble?Copy !req
385. Four.
- But what are we gonna do?Copy !req
386. It's easy, dude.Copy !req
387. Chef Aid.
- ChefAid?Copy !req
388. - Yeah, we set up a stageCopy !req
389. and have Cartman
do the German dance.Copy !req
390. Then we charge people
for tickets.Copy !req
391. Hey, that's a great idea.
- Yeah.Copy !req
392. Did you think
I would just take you back?Copy !req
393. Like you can walk outCopy !req
394. and then come back
like nothing happened?Copy !req
395. Oh, don't look at me
like that, Mr. Hat.Copy !req
396. Remember,
you're the one that left.Copy !req
397. And I'm not gonna
take you back.Copy !req
398. You can just go to hell.Copy !req
399. You go to hell and you die.Copy !req
400. You're a lying ball of turd,
Mr. Hat!Copy !req
401. I hope you starve,
you lousy son of a bitch!Copy !req
402. What are you all
looking at?Copy !req
403. This is between me
and Mr. Hat.Copy !req
404. It's over, Mr. Garrison.Copy !req
405. This is it, we've had enough.
- What do you mean?Copy !req
406. - I'm afraid it's the big house
for you, fruitcake.Copy !req
407. What?
Jail?Copy !req
408. Hmm, this isn't going over
so well.Copy !req
409. Cartman just needs to
put more into it.Copy !req
410. Dance better, Cartman!Copy !req
411. Howdy ho, boys.Copy !req
412. Elton John,
what are you doing here?Copy !req
413. It occurred to me that you
might need some more helpCopy !req
414. raising money for Chef.
- Boy, do we.Copy !req
415. So I called a few friends,Copy !req
416. and we all decided
to come over.Copy !req
417. Wow, cool!
- I see you've got a stageCopy !req
418. all set up for us.Copy !req
419. Yeah, dude,
it's all yours.Copy !req
420. Then let's rock and roll!Copy !req
421. - Or something similar.
- Hooray!Copy !req
422. - And Mr. Twig is at home.Copy !req
423. He has no idea
Mr. Hat is even back.Copy !req
424. I mean, I care a lot
about Mr. Twig,Copy !req
425. but Mr. Hat and I
have so much history.Copy !req
426. - You finally snapped,
huh, Garrison?Copy !req
427. What?
- Don't you get it, Garrison?Copy !req
428. It's all you.
You're Mr. Hat and Mr. Twig.Copy !req
429. You've got split personality
schizophrenic jeebeez.Copy !req
430. I warn you, Chef.
Don't even think ofCopy !req
431. taking advantage of me
in this prison cell.Copy !req
432. What?
- Okay, thanks for comingCopy !req
433. to Chef Aid, everybody!Copy !req
434. Are you ready
to rock and roll?Copy !req
435. Whoo!Copy !req
436. All right, let's get things
going with... Rancid!Copy !req
437. Whoo, sweet!Copy !req
438. You still aren't
entertaining any ideasCopy !req
439. of raping me here in this
prison cell, are you, Chef?Copy !req
440. No, Garrison,
shut the hell up.Copy !req
441. That's good.Copy !req
442. What the—
- Oh, boy, we're free!Copy !req
443. Wow.
What a daring rescue.Copy !req
444. Mr. Hat!Copy !req
445. Mr. Hat saved us, Chef!Copy !req
446. Come on,
let's get in the truck.Copy !req
447. I'll drive from here, Mr. Hat.Copy !req
448. How the hell did he reach
the gas pedal?Copy !req
449. Rick James,
ladies and gentlemen!Copy !req
450. God bless you, Chef.Copy !req
451. And now here's your
favorite band, Primus, whoo!Copy !req
452. We're damn proud to be here
to support our good buddy Chef.Copy !req
453. It was Chef who told us
in the early daysCopy !req
454. to keep trying and to keep
pursuing our dreams,Copy !req
455. no matter how much we sucked.Copy !req
456. I love that man.Copy !req
457. Ooh!Copy !req
458. What are you bastards doing?Copy !req
459. We're raising money so that
Chef can hire Johnnie CochranCopy !req
460. to sue you.
- Yeah, now get out of hereCopy !req
461. before I kick you in the nuts!Copy !req
462. Oh, yeah?Copy !req
463. We'll just see about this!Copy !req
464. Now, here's Joe Strummer!
Whoo-hoo!Copy !req
465. You know, when The Clash went
on tour and we lost our beat,Copy !req
466. Chef would be, like, on
the side of the stage, going,Copy !req
467. "Don't forget,
pump your loins, children!"Copy !req
468. You know, that was like,
his motto or something.Copy !req
469. Whoo!Copy !req
470. What the hell is this?Copy !req
471. Welcome to ChefAid, Chef!Copy !req
472. Wow, how'd you get
out of jail, Chef?Copy !req
473. Mr. Hat busted me out.
Children, did you do this?Copy !req
474. Well, we helped.Copy !req
475. We're gonna raise
your money, Chef.Copy !req
476. I don't believe it.Copy !req
477. We'll just see how long
this ChefAid thing lasts.Copy !req
478. And now, here he is,
TV's Ozzy Osbourne!Copy !req
479. We're all here to help
our good friend Chef,Copy !req
480. who has touched our lives
in the past.Copy !req
481. I remember when
I was just starting out,Copy !req
482. Chef suggested
I buy a pompadour hat.Copy !req
483. I thought he said,
"Bite the head of a bat."Copy !req
484. So I did, and the rest,
oh, is just history.Copy !req
485. Now, let's go crazy!Copy !req
486. 'Cause I be running this.Copy !req
487. Come on!Copy !req
488. Aah!Copy !req
489. Gah!Copy !req
490. Oh, my God, Ozzy Osbourne
bit Kenny's head off!Copy !req
491. You bastard!Copy !req
492. And now here's Ween!Copy !req
493. We're thrilled to be
a part of Chef Aid.Copy !req
494. Chef was the guy who told us
to do a country album.Copy !req
495. No, dude,
that was Steve's idea.Copy !req
496. Oh, then who's Chef?Copy !req
497. I don't know, dude,
I thought you knew him.Copy !req
498. Oh, well.
Anyways, here's our song.Copy !req
499. Don't worry, Mr. Twig,Copy !req
500. even though Mr. Hat rescued me
from prison,Copy !req
501. I'm still gonna stick with you.Copy !req
502. Do you love him?Copy !req
503. It doesn't matter.
He left me.Copy !req
504. Do you love him?Copy !req
505. Yes.Copy !req
506. Then run to him.Copy !req
507. But I feel like I'd be making
the wrong decision.Copy !req
508. Love isn't a decision,
it's a feeling.Copy !req
509. If we could decide
who we loved,Copy !req
510. it would be much simpler,
but much less magical.Copy !req
511. I'll never forget you,
Mr. Twig. Thank you.Copy !req
512. And now, ladies
and gentlemen, Mr. Elton John!Copy !req
513. Whoo!Copy !req
514. - Thank you all
for coming to help Chef.Copy !req
515. This is a song written by
a very special little boy.Copy !req
516. I have no idea what his name
is, but who the hell cares?Copy !req
517. Anyway,
he wrote it for his girlfriend.Copy !req
518. Dude, that's your song
for Wendy.Copy !req
519. You're a wuss!Copy !req
520. I win, you lose.Copy !req
521. Chef Aid is over,Copy !req
522. and you didn't raise
near enough moneyCopy !req
523. to pay Cochran's legal fees.Copy !req
524. I win.Copy !req
525. And what happened then?Copy !req
526. Well, in South Park, they sayCopy !req
527. Johnnie Cochran's heart
grew three sizes that day.Copy !req
528. Wait.Copy !req
529. Mr. Chef, this music
has really touched me.Copy !req
530. I'd like to take up
your case free of charge.Copy !req
531. You will?
- I will.Copy !req
532. No!
- We'll see you in court,Copy !req
533. Mr. Record Producer.Copy !req
534. No!Copy !req
535. Ladies and gentlemen
of the supposed jury,Copy !req
536. you must now decide
whether or notCopy !req
537. to reverse the decision
for my client, Chef.Copy !req
538. I know he seems guilty,
but ladies and gentlemen,Copy !req
539. this is Chewbacca.Copy !req
540. Now think about that
for one minute.Copy !req
541. That does not make sense!Copy !req
542. Why am I talking
about ChewbaccaCopy !req
543. when a man's life
is on the line?Copy !req
544. Why?
I tell you why.Copy !req
545. I don't know.
If it doesn't make sense.Copy !req
546. If Chewbacca does not make
sense, you must acquit.Copy !req
547. Here, look at the monkey.
Look at the silly monkey.Copy !req
548. There he is!Copy !req
549. Chef, how does it feel
to be a free man and finallyCopy !req
550. have your name credited on
the song "Stinky Britches"?Copy !req
551. It feels great!Copy !req
552. I just can't find the wordsCopy !req
553. to thank all the artists
who put on ChefAid.Copy !req
554. Most of all,
I want to thank the children.Copy !req
555. So what are you
gonna do now?Copy !req
556. Get back to
what's important.Copy !req
557. It's Tuesday, and that means
tomorrow is tuna casserole day.Copy !req
558. Hurray!Copy !req
559. Whoo!
Stinky!Copy !req