1. - How was school today, bud?Copy !req
2. - It was fine.Copy !req
3. - Look, Stan, I know it's been
really hard for youCopy !req
4. the past month,
with us not having a home.Copy !req
5. - Yeah, it sucks.Copy !req
6. - I've tried to find work,Copy !req
7. but there's just not a lot
out there.Copy !req
8. And with
the government shutdown,Copy !req
9. I can't get my job back
with the USGS.Copy !req
10. Times are hard,
and I know we all miss Tegridy.Copy !req
11. - I don't miss Tegridy, Dad.Copy !req
12. I just hate that our family
is living in a motel.Copy !req
13. It's really embarrassing.Copy !req
14. - Well, that's what
I need to tell you, Stan.Copy !req
15. There's some good news—
we're moving out of the motel.Copy !req
16. - Wait, really?
We can live in a house again?Copy !req
17. - Well, no, we can't afford
a house, so...Copy !req
18. we're moving in
with your grandpa.Copy !req
19. - Moving in with Grandpa?Copy !req
20. - This is a bunch of bull crap!Copy !req
21. First you stick me
in this place,Copy !req
22. and then you all come along?Copy !req
23. - Pretty nice, huh, guys?Copy !req
24. There's a TV, a microwave,Copy !req
25. and we have Bingo on Thursdays.Copy !req
26. - There has to be somewhere else
we can live.Copy !req
27. - Come on, Stan.Copy !req
28. You have that space over there
by Grandpa's shit pan.Copy !req
29. - You can't make me stay here.Copy !req
30. This is completely inhumane.Copy !req
31. - That's what I said!Copy !req
32. Didn't work.Copy !req
33. - OK, so then over here
is where you're gonna haveCopy !req
34. the big golden pillars
that you guys wanted.Copy !req
35. - Ah, yeah! That's great!Copy !req
36. - OK, and then right over hereCopy !req
37. is where we're gonna put
your dance floor.Copy !req
38. - All right!Copy !req
39. - Wait, dance floor?Copy !req
40. I thought we were
knocking the East Wing downCopy !req
41. to make room for the nursery.Copy !req
42. - The what?
- The nursery!Copy !req
43. You said all this remodeling
was for the baby,Copy !req
44. not to make room for more
of your stupid parties.Copy !req
45. - Hey, relax, guy!Copy !req
46. We can just stick the baby
in the bathroom or something.Copy !req
47. - Wow! OK, so obviously I have
no say in this remodel.Copy !req
48. - Mr. President, sir.Copy !req
49. I'm very sorry, but we need to
speak with you urgently.Copy !req
50. It's a matter
of national security.Copy !req
51. We don't want to frighten you,
Mr. President,Copy !req
52. but we've received intelligenceCopy !req
53. that someone might be trying to
stop your baby from being born.Copy !req
54. - What?Copy !req
55. Who?Copy !req
56. - Hey! Relax, guy!Copy !req
57. - We don't know who yet, sir,Copy !req
58. but Pam Bondi has been
looking into it.Copy !req
59. - That's right, sir,
we won't let any harmCopy !req
60. come to the baby of the greatest
president that ever lived.Copy !req
61. You are without equal, sir—
- Uh, hey, Pam.Copy !req
62. - And we are honored to be—
Pam. Pam, sorry.Copy !req
63. You got a little shit
on your nose there.Copy !req
64. - Oh, do I?Copy !req
65. Did I get it?Copy !req
66. - No, it's still there.Copy !req
67. - If someone is trying
to harm the baby,Copy !req
68. then we must know who.Copy !req
69. - Well, there is...
one theory.Copy !req
70. Some people believe that
by demolishing the East Wing,Copy !req
71. we may have unleashed
some sort of... wrath.Copy !req
72. - What kind of wrath?Copy !req
73. - Vengeful...Copy !req
74. wrath.Copy !req
75. - What the hell is going on?Copy !req
76. I was supposed to be
in Washington.Copy !req
77. - There has been a change
in plan, Mr. Thiel.Copy !req
78. They are on to us
at the White House.Copy !req
79. - But how?Copy !req
80. How did they find out?Copy !req
81. - Someone must have heard us
talking.Copy !req
82. Do you still have the child?Copy !req
83. - Yes, he's here.Copy !req
84. I have him heavily sedated.Copy !req
85. It should last
another six, seven hours.Copy !req
86. Six, seven!Copy !req
87. - But I can't keep him here
forever.Copy !req
88. - You'll just have to wait
until it is safe.Copy !req
89. I think some brownnoser here
is after my job.Copy !req
90. - Hey.Copy !req
91. Come on in.Copy !req
92. You guys can't tell anybody
that I'm living here.Copy !req
93. - Stan, you shouldn't be
embarrassed, all right?Copy !req
94. Everyone's having a hard time
right now.Copy !req
95. - Yeah, everyone's having
a hard time.Copy !req
96. And you know what
the problem is?Copy !req
97. Nobody's doing anything
about it.Copy !req
98. How many weeks has it been now,Copy !req
99. dealing with one stupid thing
after another?Copy !req
100. The truth is, I think a lot of
people are just afraid to admitCopy !req
101. that South Park sucks now.Copy !req
102. - South Park sucks now?Copy !req
103. - Yeah, everyone knows it.
South Park sucks now.Copy !req
104. And it's because of
all this political shit.Copy !req
105. We're just getting totally
bogged down in it.Copy !req
106. Remember when we
used to do stuff?Copy !req
107. Just us guys?Copy !req
108. Ever since all this
political crap took over,Copy !req
109. it's like—what?Copy !req
110. Like—like what happened to us?Copy !req
111. Like, Kenny, I haven't even
heard you say anythingCopy !req
112. in, like, four months.Copy !req
113. - You see? That's what I mean!Copy !req
114. We don't even know what to say.Copy !req
115. South Park's getting ruined,
and all of us Gen Alpha kidsCopy !req
116. are just sitting here,
watching it happen.Copy !req
117. - You're right, dude.
- Yeah!Copy !req
118. - But what do we do?Copy !req
119. - I know exactly what to do.Copy !req
120. Hey, guys,
are you sick and tiredCopy !req
121. of what's happening to our town?Copy !req
122. Do you feel like it's broken
and going nowhere?Copy !req
123. Then click below
and join our online communityCopy !req
124. at South Park Sucks Now.Copy !req
125. Things are clearly
not right here,Copy !req
126. and if you're like us,
you are fed up!Copy !req
127. - South Park Sucks Now!Copy !req
128. - So please, like and subscribe,
smash the button, upvote—Copy !req
129. whatever the hell
you need to do,Copy !req
130. because together,
we can make a difference.Copy !req
131. Mr. President,
we don't want you to be afraid.Copy !req
132. Tell us exactly what it is
you think you saw.Copy !req
133. - Ever since I tore down
the East Wing, there's...Copy !req
134. this thingCopy !req
135. that keeps appearing.Copy !req
136. - What kind of thing?Copy !req
137. - Sometimes I see it
in a mirror.Copy !req
138. Or in the hallway.Copy !req
139. President Trump,
you are an incredible man.Copy !req
140. Whatever this is,
we have your back.Copy !req
141. - Uh, Pam. Pam, you got some
shit on your nose again.Copy !req
142. - Oh, really?Copy !req
143. - Mr. President,
this entity you speak of,Copy !req
144. how many times has it appeared?Copy !req
145. - It appears more and more
lately.Copy !req
146. I-I can't get away from it.Copy !req
147. It's everywhere I go.Copy !req
148. It's here right now.Copy !req
149. In the corner.Copy !req
150. - I'm pretty sure
that's your wife, sir.Copy !req
151. - My wife?Copy !req
152. What does it want?Copy !req
153. - Maybe it's somehow
trying to communicate.Copy !req
154. Don't worry, we won't let
anything happen to you.Copy !req
155. - Ah!
Where did Pam Bondi go?Copy !req
156. - What?
- Pam Bondi! She's gone!Copy !req
157. - But she was sitting
right here!Copy !req
158. - Pam?
- Pam?Copy !req
159. - Where's Pam Bondi?Copy !req
160. - I'm right here, sir!Copy !req
161. - Look, it's back.
- What's back?Copy !req
162. - You've got some shit
on your nose again.Copy !req
163. - Oh, my God! What is going on?Copy !req
164. - That thing!
It's not there anymore.Copy !req
165. Ah!Copy !req
166. PA: Good morning, seniors.Copy !req
167. It's 6:30 a.m.Copy !req
168. Rise and shine
for your morning medication.Copy !req
169. - Ugh, God, 6:30?Copy !req
170. - Yeah, it fucking sucks,
doesn't it?Copy !req
171. - Holy shit.Copy !req
172. - What?Copy !req
173. - Holy shit.Copy !req
174. 756,000 likes, you guys.Copy !req
175. We just built a massive
online community.Copy !req
176. - Wow. I can't believe
how many people agree with us.Copy !req
177. - I thought we could get 50 or
60 kids from school to sign up,Copy !req
178. but this is incredible.Copy !req
179. - All right,
we've got everyone's attention.Copy !req
180. So what do we do now?Copy !req
181. - What do you mean, dude?
It's obvious.Copy !req
182. It's time for phase two.Copy !req
183. Hey, guys, if you've come here,Copy !req
184. then you're likely joining
the chorus of voicesCopy !req
185. that's fed up with the direction
our town is going.Copy !req
186. We all want change
in our community.Copy !req
187. And now there's an opportunityCopy !req
188. to truly make your voices heard.Copy !req
189. Introducing the South Park
Sucks Now cryptocurrency coin.Copy !req
190. This digital meme token
is your way to be a partCopy !req
191. of the fastest-growing community
in America.Copy !req
192. This used to be a great town
before all the politics cameCopy !req
193. and ruined it all.Copy !req
194. Get in on our crypto meme coinCopy !req
195. with this incredible
presale offer.Copy !req
196. Each coin is just $9.95,Copy !req
197. but could be worth
ten times that overnight!Copy !req
198. - Wait, a meme coin?Copy !req
199. - Do you want South Park
to change?Copy !req
200. Then order your coin today
at SouthParkSucksNow.com.Copy !req
201. Stan Marsh is not
a financial advisorCopy !req
202. affiliated with
any financial institution.Copy !req
203. Digital assets
are highly volatileCopy !req
204. and may involve
significant risk,Copy !req
205. including loss of all funds.Copy !req
206. Ownership of South Park
Sucks Now CoinCopy !req
207. does not represent equity,
profit sharing, or ownershipCopy !req
208. of any company platform
or project.Copy !req
209. Participation is voluntary
and should only be undertakenCopy !req
210. by individuals who fully
understand the risksCopy !req
211. associated with
block chain assets.Copy !req
212. South Park Sucks Now Coin
is not registered withCopy !req
213. or regulated by the SEC
or any financial authority.Copy !req
214. Please review all disclosures
and consult a licensed financialCopy !req
215. advisor before engaging in
digital asset transactions.Copy !req
216. - Ahh!Copy !req
217. Ah, fuck!Copy !req
218. Fuck!
- What?Copy !req
219. - It's the Woman in the Hat!Copy !req
220. - What are you talking about?Copy !req
221. - The Woman in the Hat!Copy !req
222. She's in the fucking bathroom!Copy !req
223. - We've double checked
everything, sir.Copy !req
224. All the exterior doors
are locked.Copy !req
225. No windows have been breached.Copy !req
226. - And yet the president swearsCopy !req
227. something was
in the room with him.Copy !req
228. - Is he going to be all right?Copy !req
229. - Pretty shaken.Copy !req
230. Pam Bondi is in there nowCopy !req
231. trying to calm him down
and make him feel better.Copy !req
232. Pam?Copy !req
233. Oh, my God!Copy !req
234. - Stan, what are we doing?Copy !req
235. - What do you mean, dude?
We're trying to change things.Copy !req
236. - By selling cryptocurrency?Copy !req
237. - What's wrong with trying
to make a little moneyCopy !req
238. while also pointing out the
things wrong with our town?Copy !req
239. Yeah, what's wrong with that?Copy !req
240. - I have to do something, Kyle.Copy !req
241. I'm nine years old
and I live in a retirement home.Copy !req
242. - And you really think
crypto is your way out?Copy !req
243. Do you even know anything
about how that stuff works?Copy !req
244. - Well, actually, we have
a really strong crypto advisor—Copy !req
245. your cousin on the east coast.Copy !req
246. - My cousin?Copy !req
247. - I'm back!Copy !req
248. All right, looks like
we've got a lot of movementCopy !req
249. on your coin, boys.Copy !req
250. The presale really popped.Copy !req
251. We cleared 100 grand in volume
before liquidity even locked.Copy !req
252. The token's really got traction.Copy !req
253. - And we don't ever have to pay
anything, right?Copy !req
254. - Nope, you never pay anything.
You guys created the coin,Copy !req
255. so all you do is profit from it.Copy !req
256. - See? I told you.Copy !req
257. - Now we just need to keep
creating hypeCopy !req
258. around the South Park Sucks Now
digital coin,Copy !req
259. so we need to come up with
things to give people FOMOCopy !req
260. and make them ape even harder.Copy !req
261. - You guys,
this isn't about a coin.Copy !req
262. It's about a movement.Copy !req
263. - Oh, that's really good.Copy !req
264. - Yeah, yeah, that's perfect.Copy !req
265. "This isn't about a coin.
It's about a movement."Copy !req
266. Yeah, that's some savvy
Jew Jitsu right there.Copy !req
267. - So what kind of time frame
are we looking atCopy !req
268. to get our money?Copy !req
269. I need it as fast as possible.Copy !req
270. - Well, I think we're looking at
a classic rug pullCopy !req
271. in just a few days.Copy !req
272. Once we pump the coin
high as it'll go,Copy !req
273. then I can register for an MSB
with the federal government.Copy !req
274. - The federal government?
That sounds hard.Copy !req
275. - Oh, no, it's gonna be easy.Copy !req
276. The crypto corruption at the
White House is off the chain.Copy !req
277. We're gonna screw a lot of
people out of their money, boys.Copy !req
278. It's gonna be fantastic.Copy !req
279. - Yes?Copy !req
280. - Uh, yes,
we're paranormal investigators.Copy !req
281. We've been asked to come
and investigateCopy !req
282. the mysterious Woman in the Hat.Copy !req
283. - I am Stephen Miller,Copy !req
284. Senior Advisor to the President
for ImmigrationCopy !req
285. and Domestic Policy.Copy !req
286. Won't you...Copy !req
287. come in?Copy !req
288. Oh, my God, it's incredible.Copy !req
289. Subject is showing some kind of
viscous residue on her nose.Copy !req
290. - Well, what the fuck is it?Copy !req
291. - Sometimes there's
a physical manifestationCopy !req
292. of spiritual energy—Copy !req
293. a bridge between
the spiritual world and ours.Copy !req
294. In this case, it appears to be
some kind of rectoplasm.Copy !req
295. - Rectoplasm?Copy !req
296. - What is it made of?Copy !req
297. - It's unbelievable!Copy !req
298. The rectoplasm seems to be 54%
Filet-O-Fish sandwich!Copy !req
299. - Oh, my God!Copy !req
300. I ate a Filet-O-Fish sandwich
last night!Copy !req
301. - Jesus!
- And it's also...Copy !req
302. 28% Taco Bell.Copy !req
303. - Oh, my God!Copy !req
304. I ate Taco Bell this morning!Copy !req
305. - What does it mean?Copy !req
306. - And it's 14% its own cum.Copy !req
307. - Oh, my God!
I ate—Copy !req
308. Hey! Pam! Deal with them!Copy !req
309. This is a Fox News
Super Alert!Copy !req
310. - Two paranormal investigators
were indicted todayCopy !req
311. on federal charges
of falsifying data.Copy !req
312. The president said that the
bad people manipulated readingsCopy !req
313. and reports to make fake news.Copy !req
314. The charges were filed
by Attorney General Pam Bondi,Copy !req
315. who said that "the President
is a great man,Copy !req
316. even if he does
eat his own semen."Copy !req
317. In other news,Copy !req
318. many people are saying
that South Park sucks now.Copy !req
319. The small mountain town
in ColoradoCopy !req
320. has been a hotbed of political
activity in recent weeks,Copy !req
321. and three local Gen Alpha boysCopy !req
322. are vowing to put a stop to it.Copy !req
323. - OK, we're mooning.Copy !req
324. We're mooning...Copy !req
325. All right, that's gotta be it.Copy !req
326. OK, we're done mooning.
I think we're ready to dump.Copy !req
327. OK, sounds good.Copy !req
328. I'm on the Acela train
right now.Copy !req
329. I should be in DC by 6:30
to meet with Don Jr.Copy !req
330. Once I get
White House approval,Copy !req
331. we should be able
to do the rug pull.Copy !req
332. - I'm out, dude.
- Kyle?Copy !req
333. Kyle, wait!Copy !req
334. Dude, you can't quit now.Copy !req
335. Do you know how much money
we're about to make?Copy !req
336. - I thought you were sick of the
way South Park was going, Stan.Copy !req
337. - I am!
- So then why are you tryingCopy !req
338. to engineer a rug pullCopy !req
339. in conjunction with
the federal government?Copy !req
340. - Bro, it's the world
we live in, OK?Copy !req
341. I mean, at least we're being menCopy !req
342. and taking some control.Copy !req
343. Look at Kenny,
he—he's doing stuff now!Copy !req
344. Yeah, dude, I'm doing stuff!Copy !req
345. - I know it sucks to be living
in an old folks home, Stan,Copy !req
346. but you can't fix thingsCopy !req
347. if you're only thinking
about yourself.Copy !req
348. - Yes?Copy !req
349. - Uh, yes, I'm with the South
Park Sucks Now cryptocurrency.Copy !req
350. We're trying to fuck a bunch of
people out of their money.Copy !req
351. Is Don Jr. around?Copy !req
352. - Ah, yes,
he's been expecting you.Copy !req
353. Do come in.Copy !req
354. - Oh, Jesus, it's a little
drafty in here.Copy !req
355. - You'll have to excuse
the conditions.Copy !req
356. The master has taken down the
East Wing and unleashed a wrath.Copy !req
357. - Oh, Jesus! It's a mummy!Copy !req
358. - No, no, that's just the head
of the FCC.Copy !req
359. He's lost his freedom of speech.Copy !req
360. - Come. Don Jr. is...
this way.Copy !req
361. - Thanks so much for taking
my meeting, Don Jr.Copy !req
362. We've got an incredible
crypto opportunity hereCopy !req
363. and we just need your help
taking a big dump.Copy !req
364. - That sounds really great.Copy !req
365. There's nothing I like better
than a big crypto dump.Copy !req
366. - So sorry I had to bug you
this late in the evening,Copy !req
367. but time really is
of the essence here.Copy !req
368. - We need everyone to gather
in the dining room.Copy !req
369. Immediately.Copy !req
370. - In the dining room? Why?Copy !req
371. - We are going to have a séance.Copy !req
372. It's time to confront
the spirit here.Copy !req
373. - The—the spirit? What spirit?Copy !req
374. - Yeah, I can see
the price is going down.Copy !req
375. What the hell is he doing?Copy !req
376. He's not answering?Copy !req
377. Hello, you've reachedCopy !req
378. Pump and Dump
Crypto Advisors.Copy !req
379. Let us know how we can help you
fuck people over.Copy !req
380. Just leave a message.Copy !req
381. - Dude, what is going on?Copy !req
382. Our token's value totally peaked
and it's starting to go down.Copy !req
383. Whatever approval you have to
get at the White House,Copy !req
384. we need it now!Copy !req
385. God damn it!Copy !req
386. - I don't know, Kenny, OK?
Shut up already!Copy !req
387. - Oh, Jesus,
this is a little creepy.Copy !req
388. Are we having dinner?
I'm allergic to dairy.Copy !req
389. - Everyone, please put your
hands on the table.Copy !req
390. I am speaking to the entity
in this house.Copy !req
391. - Is this a good time
to talk turkey?Copy !req
392. I just need to go over
some quick business.Copy !req
393. - We know you are sad.Copy !req
394. We know you are... lonely.Copy !req
395. But we must ask you
to leave our president alone.Copy !req
396. - Oh, my God,
this is really scary.Copy !req
397. The President
is a great man,Copy !req
398. and he does not deserve
to be tormented like this.Copy !req
399. - Pam! Pam!Copy !req
400. - Oh! Oh.Copy !req
401. Restless spirit,Copy !req
402. we only wish to communicate!Copy !req
403. - Holy shit!
She's right fucking there!Copy !req
404. - What is that?Copy !req
405. Deception!Copy !req
406. Deception!Copy !req
407. - Boss,
maybe we should stop this.Copy !req
408. - No! I wanna hear
what it has to say.Copy !req
409. Epstein!Copy !req
410. - Uh, no, no.
You're right. Let's stop this.Copy !req
411. - You!Copy !req
412. - What? You?Copy !req
413. What did he do?Copy !req
414. - He lies!Copy !req
415. - Oh, you fucking bitch!Copy !req
416. - Corruption!Copy !req
417. - She's not possessed!Copy !req
418. Pam Bondi's trying to get
my fucking job!Copy !req
419. - Oh, I can't do this!Copy !req
420. - Lies!Copy !req
421. - I gotta get out of here!Copy !req
422. - Oh, God!Copy !req
423. Oh!Copy !req
424. OK! OK! It's all true!Copy !req
425. We've been dealing in deception
and lies!Copy !req
426. We've all been getting
filthy rich off of crypto!Copy !req
427. Oh, Jesus.Copy !req
428. We've lied and we've cheated.Copy !req
429. Crypto's just a giant money
laundering schemeCopy !req
430. for the rich to get richer.Copy !req
431. Please don't haunt us anymore!Copy !req
432. We're sorry.Copy !req
433. We're all very sorry!Copy !req
434. This is a Fox News!Copy !req
435. Agh! America!Copy !req
436. - A massive crypto fraud has
been exposed at the White House,Copy !req
437. and the perpetrator
has been indicted.Copy !req
438. A ghostly wrath that was
unleashed in the East WingCopy !req
439. exposed the traitor
at a séance last night.Copy !req
440. The traitor is now behind bars
and serving 10 years for fraud.Copy !req
441. Charges, of course, were once
again filed by Pam Bondi,Copy !req
442. who said, "We will continue
to indict anyoneCopy !req
443. who says bad stuff
about our amazing president."Copy !req
444. I'm sorry, Kyle.
I should have listened to you.Copy !req
445. I guess there just no really
going backCopy !req
446. to the way things used to be.Copy !req
447. - Things will get back, Stan.Copy !req
448. I know it's hard to see
right now,Copy !req
449. but things will go back
to normal.Copy !req
450. And in the meantime,
we just have to make the mostCopy !req
451. of where we are.Copy !req
452. - All right, seniors,
just move with the rhythm now.Copy !req
453. Good! Good, seniors.
Nice!Copy !req