1. Aired on:
March 16, 2022.Copy !req
2. Episode Title:
"Credigree Weed St. Patrick's Day Special"Copy !req
3. Eat your breakfast, Stan,
you're gonna be late for school.Copy !req
4. You told me
to finish my homework!Copy !req
5. Do both, come on guys,
we gotta get going.Copy !req
6. Hey whoa, whoa.
What the fuck is going on?Copy !req
7. I'm about to take
the kids to school, why?Copy !req
8. Hello?
It's St. Patrick's day.Copy !req
9. I know...
I'm wearing green.Copy !req
10. You guys this is Tegridy Weed's
biggest day of the year.Copy !req
11. I need help with
the St. Patrick's Day Special.Copy !req
12. Sorry, Randy,
the kids aren't missing school.Copy !req
13. Come on, guys, let's go...Copy !req
14. Okay, yeah, great,
don't worry about it,Copy !req
15. I'll do it all myself.
Again.Copy !req
16. Top O' the mornin' to ya!Copy !req
17. This is God damn ridiculous.
Piece a shit family...Copy !req
18. How's it going, Randy?Copy !req
19. Ugh, I'm just so stressed out!Copy !req
20. We have to make
a huge profit todayCopy !req
21. or the whole year is fucked.Copy !req
22. How's the St. Patrick's Day
Special?Copy !req
23. I think it's better
than last year's.Copy !req
24. Lemme see...Copy !req
25. Oh, wow...Copy !req
26. Wow...Copy !req
27. This is gonna be
our best special ever!Copy !req
28. Come on, let's get the truck
loaded up!Copy !req
29. Let's sell what we can
from our drive up booth,Copy !req
30. and then later
we can hit the Irish bar.Copy !req
31. What the fuck.Copy !req
32. Hey! Excuse me!Copy !req
33. Oh, good morning, Randy.Copy !req
34. What do you think
you're doing?Copy !req
35. Oh. We're, uh, doing
a St. Patrick's Day Special.Copy !req
36. No you're not.Copy !req
37. Uhh, yeah. We are.Copy !req
38. So first you steal my idea
of selling weedCopy !req
39. and now you're stealing my ideaCopy !req
40. of doing
a St. Patrick's Day Special!Copy !req
41. Pretty sure St. Patrick's Day
wasn't your idea.Copy !req
42. Is that right? Ok...Copy !req
43. Game on, motherfucker.Copy !req
44. Come on Butters,
time for school!Copy !req
45. Ok, mom!Copy !req
46. Ohhh dad, are you wearin' green
or are you gonna get a pinch?Copy !req
47. Ha ha... I've got a green tie
on, you little rascal!Copy !req
48. And I'm wearing
a green scarf!Copy !req
49. Ok! Well someone's gettin
a pinch today!Copy !req
50. Hey, Clyde!
You got your green on!Copy !req
51. Hey Jimmy!
Nice green pants!Copy !req
52. Tee-hee! Te hee hee hee!Copy !req
53. Happy St. Patrick's Day,
fellas!Copy !req
54. - Hey, Butters.
- Wul you guys all look very festive!Copy !req
55. Yeah, it's super fun.
St. Patrick's Day rules.Copy !req
56. Oh, I hope they put green
food coloring in our milkCopy !req
57. at lunchtime again
like last year!Copy !req
58. Uh-oh!Copy !req
59. Hey, Kelly-Ann!
What's going on?Copy !req
60. What do you mean?Copy !req
61. Looks like someone forgot
what day it was!Copy !req
62. Ha ha! Pi-I-I-I-nch!Copy !req
63. I'm sorry! I'm sorry!Copy !req
64. I didn't mean
to do anything wrong, honest!Copy !req
65. Do you know
what sexual assault is?Copy !req
66. I'm so sorry! Please!Copy !req
67. It's just...
Well, she had it comin'Copy !req
68. on account of the way
she was dressed!Copy !req
69. Ohhh!Copy !req
70. Wow, kid, wow!Copy !req
71. Alright. Take this shithead
to the stationCopy !req
72. and book him for sexual assault
of a minor.Copy !req
73. Oh, jeez, I didn't know
Kelly-Ann was a minor!Copy !req
74. Wul, she didn't have
a mining helmetCopy !req
75. or a pick axe or anything!Copy !req
76. Ok, looks like you assaulted
a nine year old girl...Copy !req
77. No prior history... assault took
place at an elementary school.Copy !req
78. But... But, sir,
it's St. Patrick's Day.Copy !req
79. Look, I know!
It's St. Patrick's Day, right?Copy !req
80. If people don't wear green,
they get pinched!Copy !req
81. Yes! Right!Copy !req
82. Yeah...
Only one problem.Copy !req
83. The little girl you pinched?
Kelly-Ann Barlow?Copy !req
84. She was wearing green socks.Copy !req
85. You're a God damn
sexual predator.Copy !req
86. Don't let him jack off
in here!Copy !req
87. These types always mess up
my jail!Copy !req
88. Welcome, everyone, welcome.Copy !req
89. Thank you for coming
to Credigree Farms!Copy !req
90. Randy, we all see you
behind the bush.Copy !req
91. Everyone sees you.Copy !req
92. Oh. Uh...Copy !req
93. A very happy mornin',
everybody!Copy !req
94. And a foine St. Patrick's Day
to all of ye.Copy !req
95. I don't know if ya noohticed.Copy !req
96. But, uh, there's a farm
across the streetCopy !req
97. selling weed also...Copy !req
98. And the owner is actually
10 par-cent Irish!Copy !req
99. So, obviously, you're upsetCopy !req
100. that you don't seem to have
any customers.Copy !req
101. What I'm upset aboutCopy !req
102. is a wee little thing
called "cultural appropriation".Copy !req
103. Ever heard of it?Copy !req
104. That's why we can't wear
sombreros on Cinco de Mayo.Copy !req
105. Why we can't dress like Indians
on Halloween.Copy !req
106. What's your point?Copy !req
107. I'm looking at my point,
you racist son of a bitch.Copy !req
108. You have no right
to wear that stuff.Copy !req
109. It is offensive.Copy !req
110. Come on, guys!Copy !req
111. St. Patrick's Day is the one day
of the year we have leftCopy !req
112. where we can actually celebrate
being white.Copy !req
113. Any other day that we tried
to be proud of our culture,Copy !req
114. we would get immediately
cancelled by Twitter!Copy !req
115. And yet for some reason,
you're all over here,Copy !req
116. buying your weed
from someone who is fineCopy !req
117. mocking our customs
and traditions.Copy !req
118. Maybe they're here because
my St. Patrick's Day SpecialCopy !req
119. is better than yours.Copy !req
120. Okay, yeah...Copy !req
121. Yeah, let's arrest
the white leprechaun.Copy !req
122. Cuz, you know,
can't have one dayCopy !req
123. for a mostly white culture,
right?Copy !req
124. Don't wanna get cancelled.Copy !req
125. I guess don't arrest him
for cultural appropriations?Copy !req
126. Guess... Guess that only works
one way, huh?Copy !req
127. - Leopold Stotch?
- Yes.Copy !req
128. I'm the public defender that's
been assigned to your case.Copy !req
129. Ugh... Okay... Oh, God...Copy !req
130. Is there a problem?Copy !req
131. Wul, it's just... I mean...
What you're wearing.Copy !req
132. You know,
it's St. Patrick's Day,Copy !req
133. you're not wearing any...Copy !req
134. You don't have
any green socks on, do you?Copy !req
135. No, I'm wearing yellow socks.Copy !req
136. Ohhhhh God...
I wanna pinch you so bad...Copy !req
137. I'm here to help you, ok?Copy !req
138. Now, this woman
that you're accused of groping,Copy !req
139. were you two in any kind of
relationship?Copy !req
140. No, ma'am, could you...
Maybe put onCopy !req
141. some green lipstick
or something?Copy !req
142. Before you touched the victim,Copy !req
143. did she give you any kind of
consent?Copy !req
144. Wul, technically, yes!Copy !req
145. I mean, St. Patrick's Day
is a wonderful dayCopy !req
146. where we remember a British
Roman man who went to IrelandCopy !req
147. and converted the whole country
to Christianity!Copy !req
148. And he used a clover
to represent the Holy Trinity,Copy !req
149. so we're supposed to celebrate
that by wearing greenCopy !req
150. and if you don't wear green
you get a pinch!Copy !req
151. And who is this St. Patrick
to you?Copy !req
152. See?
That's the problem!Copy !req
153. Nobody knows how great
he really was.Copy !req
154. Okay...Copy !req
155. Can you show me where on the
body you touched the girl?Copy !req
156. - Oh, God...
- Did you put your fingers inside her?Copy !req
157. I didn't finger nothin!Copy !req
158. I swear it was just a tiny
little St. Patrick's Day pinch!Copy !req
159. It was - It was like this!Copy !req
160. Ohhhg!Copy !req
161. Oh!Copy !req
162. I am not representing
this fucking animal!Copy !req
163. Ohhgu!Copy !req
164. We got some more
St. Patrick's Day offenders.Copy !req
165. Well, it's 10 a.m. and you
people are already wasted, huh?Copy !req
166. Yeah, yeah, copper,
you got me, big deal.Copy !req
167. Dear St. Patrick...Copy !req
168. If you're really up there...
I've always done my bestCopy !req
169. to honor you
on this most holy day...Copy !req
170. You went to Ireland, and you gotCopy !req
171. all those pagan worshippers
to follow Christ.Copy !req
172. If there's any way...
that you could help me now...Copy !req
173. just, like, send me a leprechaun
or something...Copy !req
174. I will be forever
your dark servant.Copy !req
175. Amen...Copy !req
176. Alright,
we got us another one!Copy !req
177. Let's go, buddy.Copy !req
178. Yeah yeah, you don't have
to push me, copper.Copy !req
179. Whoa...Copy !req
180. When are you people
gonna learn, huh?Copy !req
181. It's not even lunchtime,
for Christ's sake.Copy !req
182. I want my phone call.Copy !req
183. Wow wee,
are you a real leprechaun?Copy !req
184. Yeah, I'm a real
fucking leprechaun!Copy !req
185. Alright! Are we gonna
bust outta here or what?Copy !req
186. Hell yeah
we're gonna bust outta here,Copy !req
187. what do you have planned?Copy !req
188. Awww, yeah...Copy !req
189. And now back
to the Credigree WeedCopy !req
190. St. Patrick's Day Special.Copy !req
191. Alright, there you go,
happy St. Patrick's DayCopy !req
192. and thanks for buying Credigree!Copy !req
193. Good afternoon, sir!Copy !req
194. Are you the creator
of Credigree Weed?Copy !req
195. I am.Copy !req
196. Well, I'm the owner of the Irish
bar here in town. Farty O'Cools.Copy !req
197. We've got thousands
of patrons todayCopy !req
198. and I'm looking to score
some weed.Copy !req
199. You need marijuana
for the Irish bar.Copy !req
200. Well, everyone's been drinkin'
since 9 a.m.Copy !req
201. But now they need something
to take the edge offCopy !req
202. until they start doing coke
at 7:30.Copy !req
203. Well, I'm sure
we can help you out.Copy !req
204. How much Credigree
are you looking to buy?Copy !req
205. Oh, I'd say we need about...Copy !req
206. Oh, two and a half tons of yer
St. Patrick's Day Special.Copy !req
207. Two and a half tons...Copy !req
208. Alright! Well, we'll see ya down
at Farty O'Cools!Copy !req
209. Are you crazy?Copy !req
210. How are we gonna get that much
weed together in time?Copy !req
211. I don't know, babe,Copy !req
212. but this could really make
our whole fiscal year!Copy !req
213. I just hope you're not overdoin'
it again.Copy !req
214. Don't worry, we're gonna blow
everyone's mindCopy !req
215. with our St. Patrick's Day
Special!Copy !req
216. Awesome...
green hamburgers...Copy !req
217. How clever...Copy !req
218. Uh, yes, this is Randy Marsh,
I've been incarcerated.Copy !req
219. I need to speak
with my attorney.Copy !req
220. Dad, it's me.
You called the wrong person.Copy !req
221. Yes, I am aware of that.Copy !req
222. Listen to me carefully.Copy !req
223. The canary is in the cage.Copy !req
224. I don't know what the fuck
you're talking about.Copy !req
225. Oh, a confidential matter?Copy !req
226. Lawyer client privilege.Copy !req
227. Uh, you know, there's an officer
standing right here, actually.Copy !req
228. Oh... Oh it's ok,
he's stepping away.Copy !req
229. Stan!
They got me locked up,Copy !req
230. you're gonna have to help me
break outta here.Copy !req
231. We have to stop them.Copy !req
232. Stop who.Copy !req
233. Listen to me... is your friend
Tolkien there?Copy !req
234. Yeah, Tol-I-I-kien
is sitting right here.Copy !req
235. Yeah, well,
his piece a shit dadCopy !req
236. is trying to take over
the St. Patrick's Day Special!Copy !req
237. I don't care.Copy !req
238. You better care, because
if we don't make money todayCopy !req
239. you and sister are gonna starve.Copy !req
240. Do you understand?Copy !req
241. And I won't be able to pay
the Wi-Fi bill.Copy !req
242. Okay, what do you want me
to do?Copy !req
243. I need you to leave school,
go home,Copy !req
244. and get a jar of the
St. Patrick's Day Special weedCopy !req
245. and sneak it into
the police station.Copy !req
246. Dad, it's St. Patrick's Day.Copy !req
247. We're gonna do a scavenger hunt
at recess.Copy !req
248. I'm asking you
to do one little thing.Copy !req
249. Ditch school, get weed,
sneak into the police station.Copy !req
250. Do it or no more Wi-Fi,
I mean it!Copy !req
251. Piece a shit lawyer!Copy !req
252. St. Patrick was not Irish.Copy !req
253. He was a Roman British man
who was made a slaveCopy !req
254. by Irish Barbarians.Copy !req
255. But St. Patrick
heard the voice of God...Copy !req
256. and he used his situation
for good,Copy !req
257. and God told him to be brave!Copy !req
258. And that is why...
On this one day of the year,Copy !req
259. we must be like St. Patrick
ourselves!Copy !req
260. The police don't even care
about St. Patrick's Day!Copy !req
261. Do you see any of them
wearing green? No!Copy !req
262. If we do St. Patrick's bidding,
he will provide for us!Copy !req
263. Okay, back in you go.Copy !req
264. Pi-I-I-I-nch!Copy !req
265. Oh my God! Oh my God!Copy !req
266. He just touched me and he didn't
ask for consent or anything.Copy !req
267. Ok, ok,
I'll take care of it...Copy !req
268. Bzbzbzbzbzzbzbzbzbrrrrrrrtt!Copy !req
269. Is that better?Copy !req
270. I just need to take a shower
and cry.Copy !req
271. Oh my God.Copy !req
272. Can I help you?Copy !req
273. Hello, sir, we are with
the Clover Club.Copy !req
274. We try to spread a little
St. Patrick's Day cheerCopy !req
275. by donating baked goods
to prison inmatesCopy !req
276. who cannot celebrate
this festive time.Copy !req
277. Alright, it's your lucky day,
folks,Copy !req
278. some kids brought you
some holiday cheer.Copy !req
279. Wha... Wha... What's happening?
What's happening?Copy !req
280. Hey, there,
we brought you a cake.Copy !req
281. I told you to bring me weed,
not a cake!Copy !req
282. God dammit.Copy !req
283. You... You should just
enjoy the cake.Copy !req
284. You don't fucking listen to me,
do you?Copy !req
285. You're incapable of ever doing
anything right because...Copy !req
286. Oh, a cake. Gaaaht it.Copy !req
287. Thank you very much.Copy !req
288. Whu...Copy !req
289. Oh, hey, fellas.Copy !req
290. How's your St. Patrick's Day
going, Butters?Copy !req
291. - Pretty good.
- Awesome.Copy !req
292. Well, see ya.Copy !req
293. What are you gonna do?Copy !req
294. There's always cops
looking to make a score.Copy !req
295. You just gotta find the oneCopy !req
296. willing to trade some drugs
for a favor.Copy !req
297. And once they get a whiff of my
St. Patrick's Day Special,Copy !req
298. they won't be able to resist.Copy !req
299. Oh...Copy !req
300. Oh, man, that is strong...Copy !req
301. I knew St. Patrick would perform
a miracle to get us out of here!Copy !req
302. Just like when he was a slave,
he will help us go free!Copy !req
303. White people were slaves
in history? Nuh-uh.Copy !req
304. Gah, it's such a good special,Copy !req
305. it's just such a shame
people are trying to ruin it.Copy !req
306. Hey, my bruthuh.
You got a second?Copy !req
307. What do you want?Copy !req
308. You don't wanna miss outCopy !req
309. on the only white holiday
still allowed, do ya?Copy !req
310. How'd you like to be able
to, uh, celebrate a little?Copy !req
311. Yeah, of course I would,
but I can't.Copy !req
312. Hey guys! How'd you like to be
able to celebrate a little?Copy !req
313. Check it out!
They're handing out free weedCopy !req
314. down at Farty O'Cools!Copy !req
315. It's the Credigree
St. Patrick's Day Special!Copy !req
316. - Wow!
- Awesome! - Yeah!Copy !req
317. Ooh, hey, I'm in.Copy !req
318. No.Copy !req
319. - Ooh da lolly!
- St. Patrick's Day! Wow, look at it!Copy !req
320. I thought I wouldn't be able
to get wasted till later!Copy !req
321. That's it. It's over.Copy !req
322. My plan is done.Copy !req
323. It is not over!Copy !req
324. What did St. Patrick say when he
was taken from his homelandCopy !req
325. and turned into a slave?Copy !req
326. St. Patrick didn't give up!Copy !req
327. And when the Christians
slandered himCopy !req
328. while he was trying to convert
the heathen Irish,Copy !req
329. did he give up then?Copy !req
330. Man,
that is strong ass shit.Copy !req
331. You can taste the Irishness.Copy !req
332. Ererhrhghhghgggh!Copy !req
333. This weed is amazing
and it has so much cred.Copy !req
334. You know, I've never really been
a fan of the holiday Specials,Copy !req
335. but this one is really good.Copy !req
336. Rahrharhhghgh...
Rahghhgghhggh!Copy !req
337. Whoa!Copy !req
338. You see? The power
of St. Patrick compels you!Copy !req
339. - Oh!
- Whoa!Copy !req
340. - Aah!
- Aah!Copy !req
341. Yes, now use
your clover rays!Copy !req
342. - Oh! Ugugghghh!
- Whoa!Copy !req
343. Me golden coins of spite!Copy !req
344. - Oh!
- Oh!Copy !req
345. And now for the thrilling conclusionCopy !req
346. of the Credigree
St. Patrick's Day Special.Copy !req
347. My God! I never thought
we'd sell this much weed!Copy !req
348. Keep it up, babe! We've still
got a long way to go!Copy !req
349. Hey, everyone! Everyone!
Everyone, quiet!Copy !req
350. Turn up the TV!Copy !req
351. Once again the town
of South Park is on high alertCopy !req
352. after a sexual predator
escaped from custody.Copy !req
353. Everyone who's out
at bars or restaurantsCopy !req
354. for St. Patrick's Day
need to be on the lookoutCopy !req
355. for the sexual psychopath.Copy !req
356. Tom, I'm standing outside
the South Park Police Station,Copy !req
357. where just moments ago
a sexual predator broke free.Copy !req
358. Surveillance cameras
inside the stationCopy !req
359. captured the dramatic escape.Copy !req
360. Police claim they tried to stop
the felon from escaping,Copy !req
361. but they were just,
"Way too high."Copy !req
362. Back to to you, Tom.Copy !req
363. Towelie... where is all
the St. Patrick's Day Special?Copy !req
364. Randy... I... I thought...
you were in jail.Copy !req
365. The weed's all gone, does that
mean you were able to sell it?Copy !req
366. Yeah I sort of... sold it...
at half price...Copy !req
367. to Tolkien's dad
across the street.Copy !req
368. What?Copy !req
369. You were gone!Copy !req
370. Tolkien's dad said
he'd buy all the weedCopy !req
371. and I figured
that's what we should do!Copy !req
372. So you mean that right now
everyone down at the Irish barCopy !req
373. is enjoying my special
and they don't even know it?Copy !req
374. Randy, I'm sorr...Copy !req
375. Raghghgh...Copy !req
376. Ahg!Copy !req
377. Come on, let's go!Copy !req
378. Thank you! Thank you!Copy !req
379. Thanks for choosing
Credigree Weed!Copy !req
380. Stop right there,
you piece a shit!Copy !req
381. Is everyone enjoying
the special?Copy !req
382. Randy...
I-I thought you were in jail.Copy !req
383. Oh, yes,
so did a lot of people.Copy !req
384. But you see
there's just one thing wrong.Copy !req
385. This isn't Credigree Weed's
special.Copy !req
386. It's moine.Copy !req
387. Babe! That's how you got
so much weed?Copy !req
388. I used both.Copy !req
389. You see? This is what happens
when you appropriate a culture!Copy !req
390. It's sort of your special and
it's sort of not your special...Copy !req
391. And nobody knows
whose special it is.Copy !req
392. I guess I just let the holiday
go to my head.Copy !req
393. But I learned that...Copy !req
394. You don't get to say
what you learnedCopy !req
395. 'cause it's not your special!Copy !req
396. This holiday is about Tegridy.Copy !req
397. Oh my God! It's him!Copy !req
398. It's the sexual predator!Copy !req
399. What, what, he's here?Copy !req
400. Stop right there!Copy !req
401. There he is, get him!Copy !req
402. Wahggh!Copy !req
403. Ahghggh!Copy !req
404. Don't move, Weinstein,
you've got nowhere else to go!Copy !req
405. Leave the child alone...Copy !req
406. Ohh!Copy !req
407. Whoa-a-a!Copy !req
408. It's him!
It's St. Patrick!Copy !req
409. What... exactly
is going on here.Copy !req
410. You've persecuted this little
boy for grabbing people?Copy !req
411. Why, it's ridiculous!Copy !req
412. You've all besmirched
a perfectly good white holiday.Copy !req
413. Where we all like to get drunk
and assault each other!Copy !req
414. It's St. Patrick's Day!Copy !req
415. - Remember the reason for the season!
- Oh, my God!Copy !req
416. Ooh! Hey!Copy !req
417. Who wants a pinch!Copy !req
418. Oh, yes, very nice!Copy !req
419. Hey, you can't do that, man!Copy !req
420. What do you mean
I can't?Copy !req
421. Do you know what day it is?Copy !req
422. Ah, see, here we go.Copy !req
423. "Kiss me I'm Irish!"Copy !req
424. That's more like it!Copy !req
425. Oh, my God!Copy !req
426. No, you bought the shirt,
bitch!Copy !req
427. Come on,
let's have a go!Copy !req
428. It's me day!
Take your dick out.Copy !req
429. Who wants him to take
his dick out?Copy !req
430. I will not!Copy !req
431. What is this? Are you people all
some kind of Scottish poofters?Copy !req
432. Hey,
that is a homophobic slur!Copy !req
433. You're calling me
homophobic?Copy !req
434. Because I will gladly fuck
any man here.Copy !req
435. We celebrate St. Patrick's Day
for four simple reasons.Copy !req
436. I. Love. To. Fuck.Copy !req
437. Wow, St. Patrick, wow.
You're a real jerk.Copy !req
438. Yeah, what a creep.
Come on girls, let's go.Copy !req
439. To hell with him
and to hell with thisCopy !req
440. Tegridy Weed
St. Patrick's Day Special.Copy !req
441. Aw... Aww!Copy !req
442. Where is everybody going?Copy !req
443. This party fucking sucks!Copy !req
444. Doesn't anybody want a pinch?Copy !req
445. The party is over...Copy !req
446. A new day has come...Copy !req
447. And now... St. Patrick's Day,
the only holiday leftCopy !req
448. where white people
could celebrate a culture...Copy !req
449. has been cancelled.Copy !req
450. And as for the mysterious,Copy !req
451. sexually charged being who
groped and assaulted so many.Copy !req
452. He... is doing five years
community service.Copy !req
453. Once again...
I shoulda never listenedCopy !req
454. to what they told me in church.Copy !req