1. Dad!
Dad, there's this new placeCopy !req
2. and you can actually go
and shoot each other,Copy !req
3. only it's soft BBs
and they're biodegradable,Copy !req
4. and the guns
are, like, totally realCopy !req
5. except you don't actually
get hurt,Copy !req
6. and it's like paintball
except for there's no mess,Copy !req
7. and the stuff
all looks totally real,Copy !req
8. and it's called Airsoft
and can I get one?Copy !req
9. Wha... Wha... What?Copy !req
10. There's an Airsoft field
where everybody plays on teams,Copy !req
11. and I promise I'll take
good care of the equipment,Copy !req
12. and if you think about it
it's a really great hobbyCopy !req
13. for team building and learning
communication and...Copy !req
14. Whoa... Whoa... Whoa... Whoa...Copy !req
15. I was just thinking
if you could comeCopy !req
16. to the Airsoft store with me...
Please, please, please,Copy !req
17. all my friends
already bought their stuff,Copy !req
18. and it's totally a way for us
to play outsideCopy !req
19. like you always say...
Come on, please,Copy !req
20. only we can't tell mom
cuz she won't understand,Copy !req
21. but it's totally safe
cuz you wear eye protection.Copy !req
22. Okay, okay, Kyle, breathe.Copy !req
23. Here it is!
Isn't this cool?Copy !req
24. Airsoft Armory?Copy !req
25. Come on, Dad!
You gotta check it out!Copy !req
26. My God!
Is this stuff real?Copy !req
27. No, Dad, it's Airsoft.Copy !req
28. It's like paintball,
only it's way coolerCopy !req
29. and it just looks totally real.Copy !req
30. I-I really don't think
your mom would approve, Kyle.Copy !req
31. Dad... Please.
I'm not a baby anymore.Copy !req
32. The other guys...
They already got their stuff.Copy !req
33. We're playing today!Copy !req
34. Can I please just get, like,
an AK-47 and maybe a Glock?Copy !req
35. This stuff is expensive.Copy !req
36. Is this really how you want
to spend your allowance?Copy !req
37. Yeah, yeah!
It really is!Copy !req
38. These are all, like, legal,
right?Copy !req
39. Uh, yes, sir.Copy !req
40. You see you load these soft BBs
into the gunsCopy !req
41. and they just kinda sting.Copy !req
42. And you can put the soft BBs
into grenades, rocket launchers,Copy !req
43. all kinds of stuff.Copy !req
44. So it's all totally safe?Copy !req
45. Wul, I wouldn't particularly say
that...Copy !req
46. I mean... all the stuff is safe,Copy !req
47. the guns and grenades
and things... but...Copy !req
48. But not necessarily the people
who mostly play Airsoft...Copy !req
49. What people mostly play Airsoft?Copy !req
50. Teenagers.Copy !req
51. Alright, Airsofters,
let's listen up.Copy !req
52. Before we let you onto
the field,Copy !req
53. we need to run through
our safety precautions.Copy !req
54. - Bruh...
- Bruh...Copy !req
55. We know all the safety stuff...Copy !req
56. First, your Airsoft guns
must all have a red tip...Copy !req
57. Bruh, we know...Copy !req
58. Second, there is no full auto
allowed on the field.Copy !req
59. Bruh...Copy !req
60. Third, there is a 500 fps limit
for your BBs.Copy !req
61. Bruh, can we play now?Copy !req
62. If you're hit by a BB,
raise your hand, say "hit,"Copy !req
63. and go back to respawn.Copy !req
64. Yes already, yes!Copy !req
65. Alright,
you guys are Team Rogue Wolf.Copy !req
66. You'll be playing against...
Where is Team Floppy Weiner?Copy !req
67. Right here!Copy !req
68. What?Copy !req
69. Bruh, no! We aren't playing
with little kids!Copy !req
70. Yeah, it'll be too easy!Copy !req
71. Alright, fine!Copy !req
72. Then we'll split the kids up
on two teamsCopy !req
73. and each one
will have a teenage partner.Copy !req
74. Bruh, seriously?Copy !req
75. - Kid with the poof ball, that's your teenager...
- Bruh.Copy !req
76. Green hat kid,
that's your teenager...Copy !req
77. Team B,
those are your two teenagers.Copy !req
78. Alright, sweet!Copy !req
79. Me and Kenny and our teenagers
are gonna smoke you guys!Copy !req
80. Go! Go, go, go, go, go!Copy !req
81. Come on! This way!Copy !req
82. Yes! Yes! Yes!Copy !req
83. I got you, Cartman!Copy !req
84. You didn't get me.Copy !req
85. I totally got you,
I heard it hit your jacket...Copy !req
86. Say hit and go back to respawn!Copy !req
87. You didn't hit me, Kyle!Copy !req
88. The BBs bounced off a leaf
or something, 'cause...Copy !req
89. Agh! Agh!Copy !req
90. Ok... Ok hit!Copy !req
91. You got me.
That was sweet.Copy !req
92. I'm outta green gas,
you got green gas?Copy !req
93. Yeah, I got some right here,
partner!Copy !req
94. Bruh! Keep shooting!Copy !req
95. Whoo-hoo!Copy !req
96. Oh, my God...Copy !req
97. This is the greatest day
of my life.Copy !req
98. Ow! Ow!Copy !req
99. Hit!Copy !req
100. Yes! Yes!
That was so awesome!Copy !req
101. You guys, Airsoft rules!Copy !req
102. This is... Ow!
Hit! Hit!Copy !req
103. This is sweet!Copy !req
104. - That was so cool!
- Mrphh rmhprh mrphmrhmrh!
- Best thing ever!Copy !req
105. Dude, I can't believe we tied!
That was epic.Copy !req
106. Yeah, well, Team Floppy Weiner
will get you guys next time!Copy !req
107. That was seriously the best time
I've had in forever!Copy !req
108. - Me too!
- And you know what else is cool?Copy !req
109. We all have teenagers now!Copy !req
110. I know! My teenager said
he's gonna come overCopy !req
111. and show me how to clean my gun!Copy !req
112. Cartman, are you okay?Copy !req
113. I'm just really happy,
you guys...Copy !req
114. Airsoft is seriously, like,Copy !req
115. the greatest thing
in the whole world.Copy !req
116. Well, here's my house.Copy !req
117. Thanks, you guys.Copy !req
118. For just a few, brief hours...Copy !req
119. I forgot
how much everything sucks.Copy !req
120. Can we promise each other we'll
do Airsoft, like, all the time?Copy !req
121. Hell yeah, dude.Copy !req
122. We just gotta keep
our teenagers happyCopy !req
123. and we can play Airsoft
all the time.Copy !req
124. I love you guys.Copy !req
125. Hey, Kyle...
Uh, how did the Airsoft go?Copy !req
126. I took a BB right to the face
with a sniper rifle.Copy !req
127. It was so great, Dad.Copy !req
128. Are you sure this isn't all
a little too much for you, son?Copy !req
129. I'm not a baby anymore, Dad!Copy !req
130. Ooh!Copy !req
131. Oh, that's probably my teenager!Copy !req
132. See ya, Dad.
I love you!Copy !req
133. I love you, too, Kyle.Copy !req
134. I got it!Copy !req
135. Gerald... why is Kyle wearing
my makeup on his face?Copy !req
136. He's just...
Experimenting.Copy !req
137. Are you Kyle?Copy !req
138. Yeah!Copy !req
139. I'm here to drop off Trevor.Copy !req
140. He said he's your teenager now.Copy !req
141. Yah, that's right!Copy !req
142. Okay!
Well, good luck.Copy !req
143. What time
are you picking me up?Copy !req
144. Just gimme a call...
Don't make it too soon, though,Copy !req
145. because I am going to relax.Copy !req
146. Fine, go ahead, I'm glad!Copy !req
147. Go away, I don't wanna see
your stupid face!Copy !req
148. Cool, dude, so, uh, you wanna,
like, clean our Airsoft guns?Copy !req
149. I'm starving to death.Copy !req
150. Can you make me
some food?Copy !req
151. Wul... Like what kind of food
do you want?Copy !req
152. leave me alone!Copy !req
153. Okay! Okay! Okay!Copy !req
154. Hello?Copy !req
155. Bruh, how do I make ramen?Copy !req
156. Excuse me?Copy !req
157. I'm starving, and the
instructions are all stupid.Copy !req
158. Oh, is this my teenager?Copy !req
159. How's it going, dude?Copy !req
160. It's not going!Copy !req
161. The ramen's all hard
and I can't eat it like that!Copy !req
162. Wul, you have to put the noodles
in boiling water.Copy !req
163. Where do I get water?Copy !req
164. You...
Do you have a sink?Copy !req
165. Bruh.Copy !req
166. Bruh, what?Copy !req
167. I'm sorry
I'm not a five star chef!Copy !req
168. Hey, man, it's cool.
Lemme uh...Copy !req
169. Lemme slow it down for ya.Copy !req
170. Swamp Sniper:
That one right there!
Take him out!Copy !req
171. Dude, Swamp Sniper rules.Copy !req
172. Hello?Copy !req
173. What...
What are you doing, dude?Copy !req
174. I need a bathroom.Copy !req
175. Y-You need to use my bathroom?Copy !req
176. I have to go to the bathroom...
Brah, what?Copy !req
177. Dude, Kenny, the weirdest thing
just happened.Copy !req
178. My teenager showed up
at my house,Copy !req
179. and he's acting really strange.Copy !req
180. Mrph rmhmhm rm!Copy !req
181. Yours did too?Copy !req
182. Why do I have all these
zits on my face?Copy !req
183. Mrph rmhmhm rm mrph rmhmhm rm!Copy !req
184. You don't even care!Copy !req
185. You don't care because you don't
even know me!Copy !req
186. What the hell are these things?Copy !req
187. Mrph rmhmhm rm!Copy !req
188. Dude, that's my friend Kenny,
we gotta kill him!Copy !req
189. I don't take orders from you!Copy !req
190. Okay, okay, but if we kill Kenny
we get a point, right?Copy !req
191. Come on!Copy !req
192. Agh!Copy !req
193. Mrph mrph mrph mrph!Copy !req
194. Hey, hey, hey, hey!Copy !req
195. No shooting
from less than 10 feet!Copy !req
196. I wasn't less than 10 feet!Copy !req
197. It's okay, it's fine.
We're sorry.Copy !req
198. I'm not gonna play anymore.
This is stupid.Copy !req
199. Dude, it's ok,
it's just a gay rule.Copy !req
200. Come on, let's beat these guys!Copy !req
201. Hit!Copy !req
202. Dude, Kyle, where are you?Copy !req
203. We started playing
like 20 minutes ago.Copy !req
204. Yeah, I know!Copy !req
205. My teenager asked me to take him
shopping for hair gel.Copy !req
206. Hair gel?
What the dude,Copy !req
207. we're getting killed out here!Copy !req
208. Just do your best,
I'll be there as fast as I can!Copy !req
209. Okay, here it is.
This is the health care aisle.Copy !req
210. Could you go a little faster?Copy !req
211. Okay, here's all
the hair product stuff,Copy !req
212. which one do you like to use?Copy !req
213. I don't know.Copy !req
214. What?Copy !req
215. I don't know!Copy !req
216. Kyle?
What are you doing?Copy !req
217. Ugh, nothing, I'm...Copy !req
218. I'm just shopping
with my teenager.Copy !req
219. Can we go now?Copy !req
220. Okay, but you asked me if
I could buy you some hair gel.Copy !req
221. Shut up...Copy !req
222. Well... at least I'm not the
only one dealing with this crap.Copy !req
223. Your guy wants hair gel, too?Copy !req
224. No, my teenager
wants more lotion.Copy !req
225. All this guy does
is hang out in the bathroomCopy !req
226. and go through like two bottles
of lotion a day.Copy !req
227. I swear I don't know how softCopy !req
228. you could possibly want
your hands to be.Copy !req
229. I just wanna get
to the Airsoft field,Copy !req
230. Stan says your team
is killing them!Copy !req
231. Damn right! Team Floppy Weiner
will destroy you guys!Copy !req
232. Yeah, we'll see
when I use my sniper rifle!Copy !req
233. You have to find me first!Copy !req
234. I gotta go to the bathroom.Copy !req
235. Oh, you gotta be
kidding me.Copy !req
236. There's one
over by the registers.Copy !req
237. No, you are not taking
the lotion.Copy !req
238. I hate you!Copy !req
239. Okay, I'm sorry you hate me.Copy !req
240. Just wanna play Airsoft,
buddy.Copy !req
241. Oh, my God,
you gotta be shitting me.Copy !req
242. Yeah... hello?Copy !req
243. I'm not gay.Copy !req
244. Whu... What?Copy !req
245. Why'd you call me gay?Copy !req
246. Like,
what the hell do you know?Copy !req
247. You don't even know me.Copy !req
248. I-I didn't call you gay.Copy !req
249. They said I couldn't shoot a BB
within 10 feet,Copy !req
250. and I just had to say bang bang,Copy !req
251. and you got all salty
and said I was gay.Copy !req
252. I was saying the rule was gay.Copy !req
253. I wasn't talking anything
about sexual orientation.Copy !req
254. Brah.Copy !req
255. You're right,
I shouldn't have used that word!Copy !req
256. Look... I was one of
the first people everCopy !req
257. to say there was nothing wrong
with being gay.Copy !req
258. I had a dog that was gay!Copy !req
259. Oh, so I'm a dog now?Copy !req
260. I'll kill you!Copy !req
261. Okay, dude...Copy !req
262. What... Do you want me to do?Copy !req
263. I want you
to just leave me alone!Copy !req
264. Okay, but you called me...Copy !req
265. Hello? Hello?Copy !req
266. What are you doing?Copy !req
267. I'm holding my hand
over a lighter!Copy !req
268. It's burning the shit
out of my hand!Copy !req
269. Okay, don't hold your hand
over a lighter.Copy !req
270. Bruh!
Bruh, this hurts so bad!Copy !req
271. Oh, dude, it's black.Copy !req
272. Is that what a third degree burn
looks like?Copy !req
273. Jesus Christ.Copy !req
274. Dood, I just so lit
burned my hand.Copy !req
275. I need like...
I need like emergency services.Copy !req
276. Bruh, that was stoopid.Copy !req
277. Yeah, that was kinda stupid.Copy !req
278. I'm not stupid!Copy !req
279. I seriously don't know
what to do...Copy !req
280. I've tried being nice,
I've tried being harsh...Copy !req
281. And I get nothing
from my teenager. Nothing.Copy !req
282. Mrph.Copy !req
283. Wul, you're lucky.Copy !req
284. At least your teenager
doesn't threaten to kill you.Copy !req
285. I'd love him to threaten
to do anything.Copy !req
286. I'd love him to do.
Anything.Copy !req
287. On the rare occasion that my
teenager isn't in the bathroom,Copy !req
288. all he does is talk about
his miserable life.Copy !req
289. I'm like... okay, dude,
I've got problems too.Copy !req
290. But of course teenagers
don't care about your problems.Copy !req
291. I'm like, "Look, buddy,
I live in a hot dog. Ok?Copy !req
292. Like, maybe let's stop bitching
and just play Airsoft."Copy !req
293. But you can't say that because
then they're just gonna...Copy !req
294. - Want to kill themselves.
- Want to kill themselves.
- Want to kill themselves.Copy !req
295. Yes, yes.Copy !req
296. Mrph rmhmhm rm?Copy !req
297. No, we can't give up
on Airsoft...Copy !req
298. I'm like four hundred dollars
into this hobby.Copy !req
299. And we love it.Copy !req
300. Except for the part
about being around teenagers.Copy !req
301. Well, apparently,
a lot of peopleCopy !req
302. are in the same situation
we're in.Copy !req
303. What do you mean?Copy !req
304. I've been reading this book...
"Help, My Teenager Hates Me."Copy !req
305. Wow.Copy !req
306. Yeah... and... it has
some interesting ideas.Copy !req
307. It says we're basically just
dealing with an age differenceCopy !req
308. - and we need to try and connect with them.
- Mrph?Copy !req
309. It says
we should take them camping.Copy !req
310. Camping?Copy !req
311. Bruh...Copy !req
312. - Bruh...
- Bruh...
- Bruh...Copy !req
313. Alright, guys!
We got the tents all set up.Copy !req
314. Yeah, check em out!Copy !req
315. Boy, isn't it nice out here?Copy !req
316. Mrph rmhmhm rm!Copy !req
317. There's a lake over there
where we can rent kayaks!Copy !req
318. So what do you guys wanna do?Copy !req
319. Go home.Copy !req
320. K, yeah, we can do that later,
but first maybe, um...Copy !req
321. let's bond a bit...Copy !req
322. Okay, looks like the tents
are set up...Copy !req
323. Can you come out now?Copy !req
324. I'm going to the bathroom!Copy !req
325. Okay, well,
you should probably finish up.Copy !req
326. I know
you took the lotion in there.Copy !req
327. You really don't need soft hands
for camping.Copy !req
328. Leave me alone!Copy !req
329. Come on, dude.Copy !req
330. No shit in the world
takes that long.Copy !req
331. Hey, buddy, what's up?Copy !req
332. I thought you were gonna go out
and play Airsoft today?Copy !req
333. No...
I don't think I'm gonna go...Copy !req
334. Oh.Copy !req
335. D-Did something happen?Copy !req
336. You wouldn't understand, Dad.Copy !req
337. I just can't deal
with teenagers.Copy !req
338. Oh.
Well, you know, they sayCopy !req
339. that the brain chemistry
of a teenagerCopy !req
340. is the same
as that of a psychopath.Copy !req
341. The hormones and all that...Copy !req
342. it's been proven they're
literally criminally insane.Copy !req
343. You know, I just...Copy !req
344. I just wanted to have fun...
And shoot my friends.Copy !req
345. I-I just wanted
to shoot my friends, dad.Copy !req
346. Oh, buddy, well,Copy !req
347. maybe you could ask
the Airsoft fieldCopy !req
348. to let you play
without the teenagers.Copy !req
349. We did! They said
they hate the teenagersCopy !req
350. just as much as anybody,
but they can't get rid of them.Copy !req
351. And we've got no one else
to partner with.Copy !req
352. Well... did you guys
ever consider your dads?Copy !req
353. Come on in, boys.Copy !req
354. Jesus Christ...Copy !req
355. How long
has this store been here?Copy !req
356. What do you think?Copy !req
357. This one can shoot a thousand
BBs in like five seconds.Copy !req
358. Seems pretty dangerous.Copy !req
359. What if the police thought
that gun was real?Copy !req
360. No, it's safe. See?Copy !req
361. As long as your gun
has a red tip and you're white,Copy !req
362. police won't shoot you.Copy !req
363. Oh, that's good.Copy !req
364. How can I, uh...
help you gentlemen?Copy !req
365. We need some equipment.Copy !req
366. We're gonna try
and take out some teenagers.Copy !req
367. Huh... I think that's
a somewhat foolhardy plan.Copy !req
368. Have you seen the kind of
weaponry the teenagers buy?Copy !req
369. It's some of the biggest,
nastiest weapons we sell.Copy !req
370. Yeah, well,
I've got something bigger.Copy !req
371. American Express Platinum.Copy !req
372. Give me one
of everything you have.Copy !req
373. Yes, sir!Copy !req
374. We... have completely had it
up to here with you.Copy !req
375. Up to here!Copy !req
376. Our friend Kyle
just wanted to play Airsoft.Copy !req
377. And now he's quit
because of your attitudes.Copy !req
378. What do you have to say
for yourselves?Copy !req
379. Brah.Copy !req
380. Yeah, brah, great, thank you.Copy !req
381. I can't...
I can't.Copy !req
382. Guys, things have to improve.Copy !req
383. They just have to.Copy !req
384. I've never seen anyone
so disrespectful.Copy !req
385. Mrph rmhmhm rm mrph rmhmhm rm!Copy !req
386. Mrph rmhmhm rm mrph rmhmhm rm?Copy !req
387. Mrph rmhmhm rm mrph rmhmhm rm!Copy !req
388. I have never seen Kenny
like this ever.Copy !req
389. Fine!
Then just leave!Copy !req
390. Cuz we don't want you here.Copy !req
391. And we don't want you here!Copy !req
392. We just wanna play
AirsoftCopy !req
393. without any of you on our team!Copy !req
394. Fine, then why don't you just be
on your own team?Copy !req
395. That sounds totally fine!Copy !req
396. Us against you,
let's go!Copy !req
397. Fine and if we win, you stay out
of our lives forever!Copy !req
398. Fine, and you too
when we beat all you!Copy !req
399. Yeah, you and what army?Copy !req
400. This army!Copy !req
401. Dad?Copy !req
402. Mrph?Copy !req
403. Any of you pussy teenagers
wanna AirsoftCopy !req
404. against some drunk rednecks?Copy !req
405. We got new partners, guys!Copy !req
406. That's awesome.
I wish I had a dad.Copy !req
407. And that I didn't live
in a hot dog.Copy !req
408. Oh, we got you a partner, too,
Eric.Copy !req
409. You might remember
Stan's Uncle Jimbo.Copy !req
410. Did somebody say somethin' about
Airsoft against teenagers?Copy !req
411. Ow! Hit!Copy !req
412. Ow!
I said hit, you bitch!Copy !req
413. That's it, son!
Light em up!Copy !req
414. Mrph rmhmhm rm!Copy !req
415. - Hit!
- Hit!Copy !req
416. Brah!Copy !req
417. Yee-haw!Copy !req
418. But there's one teenager
I can't seem to find!Copy !req
419. I know where he is...Copy !req
420. I'm so sick of this crap...Copy !req
421. Bruh!
What the hell are you doin'?Copy !req
422. What you do to Jergens Lotion
isn't right.Copy !req
423. Ow! Ow! Ow!Copy !req
424. Ow! Ow! Bruh!Copy !req
425. Aah, bruh!Copy !req
426. - Aah!Copy !req
427. Ow, my dick!
My dick! Aah!Copy !req
428. They're not coming out of cover!
I don't see them!Copy !req
429. It's ok, I've got an idea.Copy !req
430. Cover me.Copy !req
431. Bruh...Copy !req
432. Dood... that's weed.
I smell weed.Copy !req
433. That smells dope!Copy !req
434. Dood, it's a whole lit jar
of weed!Copy !req
435. Dope!
That is so dope. Bruh!Copy !req
436. Bruh!Copy !req
437. Ow! Aah! Yow!Copy !req
438. - Bruh! Bruh!
- Bruh! Bruh!
- Aah!Copy !req
439. Yeah!Copy !req
440. - That was so epic!
- Did you see
how those teenagers ran?Copy !req
441. That was so sweet, you guys!Copy !req
442. I bet the teenagers will never
go back to that place again!Copy !req
443. Of course they won't!Copy !req
444. I saw half of em'
break their guns in frustration.Copy !req
445. Hey, thanks, you guys.Copy !req
446. We couldn't have gotten rid
of the teenagers without you.Copy !req
447. Yeah, thanks, Dad.Copy !req
448. Mrph rm!Copy !req
449. Hey, that's what
we're here for, right?Copy !req
450. We're just glad you wanted
to spend some time with us.Copy !req
451. Well, I'm hungry,Copy !req
452. is there any place around here
to get a hot dog?Copy !req
453. Yes...
Yes, I live in a hot dog.Copy !req
454. It's right over here!Copy !req
455. Come on, you guys,
help me get it all ready!Copy !req
456. Ok, let's go!Copy !req
457. Come on, guys!Copy !req
458. Should I take them out now?Copy !req
459. Not yet...Copy !req
460. We still have a few good years
before they turn into monsters.Copy !req