1. Dad! Dad, there's this new placeCopy !req
2. and you can actually
go and shoot each other,Copy !req
3. only it's soft BBs and
they're biodegradable,Copy !req
4. and the guns are, like, totally realCopy !req
5. except you don't actually get hurt,Copy !req
6. and it's like paintball
except for there's no mess,Copy !req
7. and the stuff all looks totally real,Copy !req
8. and it's called Airsoft
and can I get one?Copy !req
9. Wha... Wha... What?Copy !req
10. There's an Airsoft field
where everybody plays on teams,Copy !req
11. and I promise I'll take
good care of the equipment,Copy !req
12. and if you think about it
it's a really great hobbyCopy !req
13. for team building and
learning communication and...Copy !req
14. Whoa... Whoa... Whoa... Whoa...Copy !req
15. I was just thinking if you could comeCopy !req
16. to the Airsoft store with
me... Please, please, please,Copy !req
17. all my friends already
bought their stuff,Copy !req
18. and it's totally a way
for us to play outsideCopy !req
19. like you always say... Come on, please,Copy !req
20. only we can't tell mom
cuz she won't understand,Copy !req
21. but it's totally safe cuz
you wear eye protection.Copy !req
22. Okay, okay, Kyle, breathe.Copy !req
23. Here it is! Isn't this cool?Copy !req
24. Airsoft Armory?Copy !req
25. Come on, Dad! You gotta check it out!Copy !req
26. My God! Is this stuff real?Copy !req
27. No, Dad, it's Airsoft.Copy !req
28. It's like paintball,
only it's way coolerCopy !req
29. and it just looks totally real.Copy !req
30. I-I really don't think your
mom would approve, Kyle.Copy !req
31. Dad... Please. I'm not a baby anymore.Copy !req
32. The other guys... They
already got their stuff.Copy !req
33. We're playing today!Copy !req
34. Can I please just get, like,
an AK-47 and maybe a Glock?Copy !req
35. This stuff is expensive.Copy !req
36. Is this really how you want
to spend your allowance?Copy !req
37. Yeah, yeah! It really is!Copy !req
38. These are all, like, legal, right?Copy !req
39. Uh, yes, sir.Copy !req
40. You see you load these
soft BBs into the gunsCopy !req
41. and they just kinda sting.Copy !req
42. And you can put the soft BBs
into grenades, rocket launchers,Copy !req
43. all kinds of stuff.Copy !req
44. So it's all totally safe?Copy !req
45. Well, I wouldn't
particularly say that...Copy !req
46. I mean... All the stuff is safe,Copy !req
47. the guns and grenades
and things... but...Copy !req
48. But not necessarily the people
who mostly play Airsoft...Copy !req
49. What people mostly play Airsoft?Copy !req
50. Teenagers.Copy !req
51. Alright, Airsofters, let's listen up.Copy !req
52. Before we let you onto the field,Copy !req
53. we need to run through
our safety precautions.Copy !req
54. - Bruh...
- Bruh...Copy !req
55. We know all the safety stuff...Copy !req
56. Bruh...Copy !req
57. First, your Airsoft guns
must all have a red tip...Copy !req
58. Bruh, we know...Copy !req
59. Second, there is no full
auto allowed on the field.Copy !req
60. Bruh...Copy !req
61. Third, there is a 500
fps limit for your BBs.Copy !req
62. Bruh, can we play now?Copy !req
63. If you're hit by a BB,
raise your hand, say "hit,"Copy !req
64. and go back to respawn.Copy !req
65. Yes already, yes!Copy !req
66. Alright, you guys are Team Rogue Wolf.Copy !req
67. You'll be playing against...
Where is Team Floppy Weiner?Copy !req
68. Right here!Copy !req
69. What?Copy !req
70. Bruh, no! We aren't
playing with little kids!Copy !req
71. Yeah, it'll be too easy!Copy !req
72. Alright, fine!Copy !req
73. Then we'll split the
kids up on two teamsCopy !req
74. and each one will
have a teenage partner.Copy !req
75. Bruh, seriously?Copy !req
76. Kid with the poof ball,
that's your teenager...Copy !req
77. Bruh.Copy !req
78. Green hat kid, that's your teenager...Copy !req
79. Team B, those are your two teenagers.Copy !req
80. Alright, sweet!Copy !req
81. Me and Kenny and our teenagers
are gonna smoke you guys!Copy !req
82. Go! Go, go, go, go, go!Copy !req
83. Come on! This way!Copy !req
84. Yes! Yes! Yes!Copy !req
85. I got you, Cartman!Copy !req
86. You didn't get me.Copy !req
87. I totally got you, I
heard it hit your jacket...Copy !req
88. Say hit and go back to respawn!Copy !req
89. You didn't hit me, Kyle!Copy !req
90. The BBs bounced off a leaf
or something, 'cause...Copy !req
91. Okay... Okay, hit!Copy !req
92. You got me. That was sweet.Copy !req
93. I'm outta green gas, you got green gas?Copy !req
94. Yeah, I got some right here, partner!Copy !req
95. Bruh! Keep shooting!Copy !req
96. Whoo-hoo!Copy !req
97. Oh, my God...Copy !req
98. This is the greatest day
of my life.Copy !req
99. Ow! Ow!Copy !req
100. Hit!Copy !req
101. Yes! Yes! That was so awesome!Copy !req
102. You guys, Airsoft rules!Copy !req
103. This is... Ow! Hit! Hit!Copy !req
104. This is sweet!Copy !req
105. - That was so cool!
- The greatest thing like ever!Copy !req
106. Dude, I can't believe
we tied! That was epic.Copy !req
107. Yeah, well, Team Floppy Weiner
will get you guys next time!Copy !req
108. That was seriously the best
time I've had in forever!Copy !req
109. Me too! And you know what else is cool?Copy !req
110. We all have teenagers now!Copy !req
111. I know! My teenager
said he's gonna come overCopy !req
112. and show me how to clean my gun!Copy !req
113. Cartman, are you okay?Copy !req
114. I'm just really happy, you guys...Copy !req
115. Airsoft is seriously, like,Copy !req
116. the greatest thing in the whole world.Copy !req
117. Well, here's my house.Copy !req
118. Thanks, you guys.Copy !req
119. For just a few, brief hours...Copy !req
120. I forgot how much everything sucks.Copy !req
121. Can we promise each other we'll
do Airsoft, like, all the time?Copy !req
122. Hell yeah, dude.Copy !req
123. We just gotta keep our teenagers happyCopy !req
124. and we can play Airsoft all the time.Copy !req
125. I love you guys.Copy !req
126. Hey, Kyle... Uh, how did the Airsoft go?Copy !req
127. I took a BB right to the
face with a sniper rifle.Copy !req
128. It was so great, Dad.Copy !req
129. Are you sure this isn't all a
little too much for you, son?Copy !req
130. I'm not a baby anymore, Dad!Copy !req
131. Oh, that's probably my teenager!Copy !req
132. See ya, Dad. I love you!Copy !req
133. I love you, too, Kyle.Copy !req
134. I got it!Copy !req
135. Gerald... why is Kyle
wearing my makeup on his face?Copy !req
136. He's just... experimenting.Copy !req
137. Are you Kyle?Copy !req
138. Yeah!Copy !req
139. I'm here to drop off Trevor.Copy !req
140. He said he's your teenager now.Copy !req
141. Yah, that's right!Copy !req
142. Okay! Well, good luck.Copy !req
143. What time are you picking me up?Copy !req
144. Just gimme a call... Don't
make it too soon, though,Copy !req
145. because I am going to relax.Copy !req
146. Fine, go ahead, I'm glad!Copy !req
147. Go away, I don't wanna
see your stupid face!Copy !req
148. Cool, dude, so, uh, you wanna,
like, clean our Airsoft guns?Copy !req
149. I'm starving to death.Copy !req
150. Can you make me some food?Copy !req
151. Like what kind of food do you want?Copy !req
152. leave me alone!Copy !req
153. Okay! Okay! Okay!Copy !req
154. Hello?Copy !req
155. Bruh, how do I make ramen?Copy !req
156. Excuse me?Copy !req
157. I'm starving, and the
instructions are all stupid.Copy !req
158. Oh, is this my teenager?Copy !req
159. How's it going, dude?Copy !req
160. It's not going!Copy !req
161. The ramen's all hard and
I can't eat it like that!Copy !req
162. Well, you have to put the
noodles in boiling water.Copy !req
163. Where do I get water?Copy !req
164. You... Do you have a sink?Copy !req
165. Bruh.Copy !req
166. Bruh, what?Copy !req
167. I'm sorry I'm not a five star chef!Copy !req
168. Hey, man, it's cool. Lemme uh...Copy !req
169. Lemme slow it down for ya.Copy !req
170. That one right there! Take him out!Copy !req
171. Dude, Swamp Sniper rules.Copy !req
172. Hello?Copy !req
173. What... What are you doing, dude?Copy !req
174. I need a bathroom.Copy !req
175. Y-You need to use my bathroom?Copy !req
176. I have to go to the bathroom...
Brah, what?Copy !req
177. Dude, Kenny, the weirdest
thing just happened.Copy !req
178. My teenager showed up at my house,Copy !req
179. and he's acting really strange.Copy !req
180. Mrph rmhmhm rm!Copy !req
181. Yours did too?Copy !req
182. Why do I have all these
zits on my face?Copy !req
183. Mrph rmhmhm rm mrph rmhmhm rm!Copy !req
184. You don't even care!Copy !req
185. You don't care because
you don't even know me!Copy !req
186. What the hell are these things?Copy !req
187. Mrph rmhmhm rm!Copy !req
188. Dude, that's my friend
Kenny, we gotta kill him!Copy !req
189. I don't take orders from you!Copy !req
190. Okay, okay, but if we kill
Kenny we get a point, right?Copy !req
191. Come on!Copy !req
192. Agh!Copy !req
193. Mrph mrph mrph mrph!Copy !req
194. Hey, hey, hey, hey!Copy !req
195. No shooting from less than 10 feet!Copy !req
196. I wasn't less than 10 feet!Copy !req
197. It's okay, it's fine. We're sorry.Copy !req
198. I'm not gonna play
anymore. This is stupid.Copy !req
199. Dude, it's okay, it's just a gay rule.Copy !req
200. Come on, let's beat these guys!Copy !req
201. Hit!Copy !req
202. Dude, Kyle, where are you?Copy !req
203. We started playing like 20 minutes ago.Copy !req
204. Yeah, I know!Copy !req
205. My teenager asked me to take
him shopping for hair gel.Copy !req
206. Hair gel? What the dude,Copy !req
207. we're getting killed out here!Copy !req
208. Just do your best, I'll
be there as fast as I can!Copy !req
209. Okay, here it is. This
is the health care aisle.Copy !req
210. Could you go a little faster?Copy !req
211. Okay, here's all the hair product stuff,Copy !req
212. which one do you like to use?Copy !req
213. I don't know.Copy !req
214. - What?
- I don't know!Copy !req
215. Kyle? What are you doing?Copy !req
216. Ugh, nothing, I'm...Copy !req
217. I'm just shopping with my teenager.Copy !req
218. Can we go now?Copy !req
219. Okay, but you asked me if
I could buy you some hair gel.Copy !req
220. Shut up...Copy !req
221. Well... at least I'm not the only
one dealing with this crap.Copy !req
222. Your guy wants hair gel, too?Copy !req
223. No, my teenager wants more lotion.Copy !req
224. All this guy does is
hang out in the bathroomCopy !req
225. and go through like two
bottles of lotion a day.Copy !req
226. I swear I don't know how softCopy !req
227. you could possibly
want your hands to be.Copy !req
228. I just wanna get to the Airsoft field,Copy !req
229. Stan says your team is killing them!Copy !req
230. Damn right! Team Floppy
Weiner will destroy you guys!Copy !req
231. Yeah, we'll see when
I use my sniper rifle!Copy !req
232. You have to find me first!Copy !req
233. I gotta go to the bathroom.Copy !req
234. Oh, you gotta be kidding me.Copy !req
235. There's one over by the registers.Copy !req
236. No, you are not taking the lotion.Copy !req
237. I hate you!Copy !req
238. Okay, I'm sorry you hate me.Copy !req
239. Just wanna play Airsoft, buddy.Copy !req
240. Oh, my God, you gotta be shitting me.Copy !req
241. Yeah... hello?Copy !req
242. I'm not gay.Copy !req
243. Whu... What?Copy !req
244. Why'd you call me gay?Copy !req
245. Like, what the hell do you know?Copy !req
246. You don't even know me.Copy !req
247. I-I didn't call you gay.Copy !req
248. They said I couldn't
shoot a BB within 10 feet,Copy !req
249. and I just had to say bang bang,Copy !req
250. and you got all salty
and said I was gay.Copy !req
251. I was saying the rule was gay.Copy !req
252. I wasn't talking anything
about sexual orientation.Copy !req
253. Brah.Copy !req
254. You're right, I shouldn't
have used that word!Copy !req
255. Look... I was one of
the first people everCopy !req
256. to say there was nothing
wrong with being gay.Copy !req
257. I had a dog that was gay!Copy !req
258. Oh, so I'm a dog now?Copy !req
259. I'll kill you!Copy !req
260. Okay, dude...Copy !req
261. What... Do you want me to do?Copy !req
262. I want you to just leave me alone!Copy !req
263. Okay, but you called me...Copy !req
264. Hello? Hello?Copy !req
265. What are you doing?Copy !req
266. I'm holding my hand over a lighter!Copy !req
267. It's burning the shit out of my hand!Copy !req
268. Okay, don't hold your
hand over a lighter.Copy !req
269. Bruh! Bruh, this hurts so bad!Copy !req
270. Oh, dude, it's black.Copy !req
271. Is that what a third
degree burn looks like?Copy !req
272. Jesus Christ.Copy !req
273. Dood, I just so lit burned my hand.Copy !req
274. I need like... I need
like emergency services.Copy !req
275. Bruh, that was stoopid.Copy !req
276. Yeah, that was kinda stupid.Copy !req
277. I'm not stupid!Copy !req
278. I seriously don't know what to do...Copy !req
279. I've tried being nice,
I've tried being harsh...Copy !req
280. And I get nothing from
my teenager. Nothing.Copy !req
281. Mrph.Copy !req
282. Well, you're lucky.Copy !req
283. At least your teenager
doesn't threaten to kill you.Copy !req
284. I'd love him to threaten to do anything.Copy !req
285. I'd love him to do. Anything.Copy !req
286. On the rare occasion that my
teenager isn't in the bathroom,Copy !req
287. all he does is talk
about his miserable life.Copy !req
288. I'm like... okay, dude,
I've got problems too.Copy !req
289. But of course teenagers don't
care about your problems.Copy !req
290. I'm like, "Look, buddy,
I live in a hot dog. Okay?Copy !req
291. Like, maybe let's stop
bitching and just play Airsoft."Copy !req
292. But you can't say that because
then they're just gonna...Copy !req
293. want to kill themselves.Copy !req
294. - Yes, yes.
- Mrph rmhmhm rm?Copy !req
295. Mrph rmhmhm rm?Copy !req
296. No, we can't give up on Airsoft...Copy !req
297. I'm like four hundred
dollars into this hobby.Copy !req
298. And we love it.Copy !req
299. Except for the part about
being around teenagers.Copy !req
300. Well, apparently, a lot of peopleCopy !req
301. are in the same situation we're in.Copy !req
302. What do you mean?Copy !req
303. I've been reading this book...
"Help, My Teenager Hates Me."Copy !req
304. - Wow.
- Yeah... and...Copy !req
305. it has some interesting ideas.Copy !req
306. It says we're basically just
dealing with an age differenceCopy !req
307. and we need to try and
connect with them.Copy !req
308. It says we should take them camping.Copy !req
309. It says we should take them camping.Copy !req
310. Camping?Copy !req
311. Bruh...Copy !req
312. Bruh...Copy !req
313. Alright, guys! We got
the tents all set up.Copy !req
314. Yeah, check em out!Copy !req
315. Boy, isn't it nice out here?Copy !req
316. Mrph rmhmhm rm!Copy !req
317. There's a lake over there
where we can rent kayaks!Copy !req
318. So what do you guys wanna do?Copy !req
319. Go home.Copy !req
320. K, yeah, we can do that
later, but first maybe, um...Copy !req
321. let's bond a bit...Copy !req
322. Okay, looks like the tents are set up...Copy !req
323. Can you come out now?Copy !req
324. I'm going to the bathroom!Copy !req
325. Okay, well, you should
probably finish up.Copy !req
326. I know you took the lotion in there.Copy !req
327. You really don't need
soft hands for camping.Copy !req
328. Leave me alone!Copy !req
329. Come on, dude.Copy !req
330. No shit in the world takes that long.Copy !req
331. Hey, buddy, what's up?Copy !req
332. I thought you were gonna go
out and play Airsoft today?Copy !req
333. No... I don't think I'm gonna go...Copy !req
334. Oh.Copy !req
335. D-Did something happen?Copy !req
336. You wouldn't understand, Dad.Copy !req
337. I just can't deal with teenagers.Copy !req
338. Oh. Well, you know, they sayCopy !req
339. that the brain chemistry of a teenagerCopy !req
340. is the same as that of a psychopath.Copy !req
341. The hormones and all that...Copy !req
342. It's been proven they're
literally criminally insane.Copy !req
343. You know, I just...Copy !req
344. I just wanted to have
fun... And shoot my friends.Copy !req
345. I-I just wanted to
shoot my friends, dad.Copy !req
346. Oh, buddy, well,Copy !req
347. maybe you could ask the Airsoft fieldCopy !req
348. to let you play without the teenagers.Copy !req
349. We did! They said
they hate the teenagersCopy !req
350. just as much as anybody, but
they can't get rid of them.Copy !req
351. And we've got no one
else to partner with.Copy !req
352. Well... did you guys
ever consider your dads?Copy !req
353. Come on in, boys.Copy !req
354. Jesus Christ...Copy !req
355. How long has this store been here?Copy !req
356. What do you think?Copy !req
357. This one can shoot a thousand
BBs in like five seconds.Copy !req
358. Seems pretty dangerous.Copy !req
359. What if the police
thought that gun was real?Copy !req
360. No, it's safe. See?Copy !req
361. As long as your gun has a
red tip and you're white,Copy !req
362. police won't shoot you.Copy !req
363. Oh, that's good.Copy !req
364. How can I, uh... help you gentlemen?Copy !req
365. We need some equipment.Copy !req
366. We're gonna try and
take out some teenagers.Copy !req
367. Huh... I think that's a
somewhat foolhardy plan.Copy !req
368. Have you seen the kind of
weaponry the teenagers buy?Copy !req
369. It's some of the biggest,
nastiest weapons we sell.Copy !req
370. Yeah, well, I've got something bigger.Copy !req
371. American Express Platinum.Copy !req
372. Give me one of everything you have.Copy !req
373. Yes, sir!Copy !req
374. We... have completely had
it up to here with you.Copy !req
375. Up to here!Copy !req
376. Our friend Kyle just
wanted to play Airsoft.Copy !req
377. And now he's quit
because of your attitudes.Copy !req
378. What do you have to say for yourselves?Copy !req
379. Brah.Copy !req
380. Yeah, brah, great, thank you.Copy !req
381. I can't... I can't.Copy !req
382. Guys, things have to improve.Copy !req
383. They just have to.Copy !req
384. I've never seen anyone so disrespectful.Copy !req
385. Mrph rmhmhm rm mrph rmhmhm rm!Copy !req
386. Mrph rmhmhm rm mrph rmhmhm rm?Copy !req
387. Mrph rmhmhm rm mrph rmhmhm rm!Copy !req
388. I have never seen Kenny like this ever.Copy !req
389. Fine! Then just leave!Copy !req
390. Cuz we don't want you here.Copy !req
391. And we don't want you here!Copy !req
392. We just wanna play AirsoftCopy !req
393. without any of you on our team!Copy !req
394. Fine, then why don't you
just be on your own team?Copy !req
395. That sounds totally fine!Copy !req
396. Us against you, let's go!Copy !req
397. Fine and if we win, you stay
out of our lives forever!Copy !req
398. Fine, and you too when we beat all you!Copy !req
399. Yeah, you and what army?Copy !req
400. This army!Copy !req
401. - Dad?
- Mrph?Copy !req
402. Any of you pussy teenagers wanna AirsoftCopy !req
403. against some drunk rednecks?Copy !req
404. We got new partners, guys!Copy !req
405. That's awesome. I wish I had a dad.Copy !req
406. And that I didn't live in a hot dog.Copy !req
407. Oh, we got you a partner, too, Eric.Copy !req
408. You might remember Stan's Uncle Jimbo.Copy !req
409. Did somebody say somethin'
about Airsoft against teenagers?Copy !req
410. Ow! Hit!Copy !req
411. Ow! I said hit, you bitch!Copy !req
412. That's it, son! Light em up!Copy !req
413. Mrph rmhmhm rm!Copy !req
414. - Hit!
- Hit!Copy !req
415. Brah!Copy !req
416. Yee-haw!Copy !req
417. But there's one teenager
I can't seem to find!Copy !req
418. I know where he is...Copy !req
419. I'm so sick of this crap...Copy !req
420. Bruh! What the hell are you doin'?Copy !req
421. What you do to Jergens
Lotion isn't right.Copy !req
422. Ow! Ow! Ow!Copy !req
423. Ow! Ow! Bruh!Copy !req
424. Aah, bruh!Copy !req
425. Aah!Copy !req
426. Ow, my dick! My dick! Aah!Copy !req
427. They're not coming out of
cover! I don't see them!Copy !req
428. It's okay, I've got an idea.Copy !req
429. Cover me.Copy !req
430. Bruh...Copy !req
431. Dood... that's weed. I smell weed.Copy !req
432. That smells dope!Copy !req
433. Dood, it's a whole lit jar of weed!Copy !req
434. Dope! That is so dope. Bruh!Copy !req
435. Bruh!Copy !req
436. Ow! Aah! Yow!Copy !req
437. Bruh! Bruh!Copy !req
438. Yeah!Copy !req
439. - That was so epic!
- Did you see how those teenagers ran?Copy !req
440. That was so sweet, you guys!Copy !req
441. I bet the teenagers will never
go back to that place again!Copy !req
442. Of course they won't!Copy !req
443. I saw half of em' break
their guns in frustration.Copy !req
444. Hey, thanks, you guys.Copy !req
445. We couldn't have gotten rid
of the teenagers without you.Copy !req
446. - Yeah, thanks, Dad.
- Mrph rm!Copy !req
447. Hey, that's what we're here for, right?Copy !req
448. We're just glad you wanted
to spend some time with us.Copy !req
449. Well, I'm hungry,Copy !req
450. is there any place around
here to get a hot dog?Copy !req
451. Yes... Yes, I live in a hot dog.Copy !req
452. It's right over here!Copy !req
453. Come on, you guys, help
me get it all ready!Copy !req
454. - Okay, let's go!
- Come on, guys!Copy !req
455. Should I take them out now?Copy !req
456. Not yet...Copy !req
457. We still have a few good years
before they turn into monsters.Copy !req