1. Yes, sir — If you're looking
to move out of the city,Copy !req
2. I think your family
would love South Park.Copy !req
3. You can get four times
the house hereCopy !req
4. that you can get in the city.Copy !req
5. A cortado?
Is that like a coffee?Copy !req
6. Yeah, we —
we have a coffee shop here. Yes.Copy !req
7. We're up in the mountains
about an hour from Denver...Copy !req
8. Do you think you could drive out
from the city this weekendCopy !req
9. and I could show you
some properties?Copy !req
10. Oh, you have a Tesla?
Oh, how nice.Copy !req
11. South Park — yeah, it's
a charming country village.Copy !req
12. If you're able
to work from home,Copy !req
13. I think you'll really love it
out here...Copy !req
14. LaCroix?
The sparkling Mineral Water?Copy !req
15. Yes, I do believe we have that
in our stores here...Copy !req
16. We're seeing a massive influx
of city peopleCopy !req
17. moving out here to the country.Copy !req
18. And the truth is we just don't
have enough real estate agentsCopy !req
19. to keep up with all the demand.Copy !req
20. Well, I don't have
much experience,Copy !req
21. but I thought
I'd give real estate a try.Copy !req
22. Mrs. Cartman,
being a real estate agentCopy !req
23. takes a lot of intellect
and a lot of raw talent.Copy !req
24. You have to get
your picture taken.Copy !req
25. Get people to like the picture
and go,Copy !req
26. "Oh, I'd like to hang out
with that person."Copy !req
27. And then act like
you like those peopleCopy !req
28. when you show them houses.Copy !req
29. Well, I do believe I'm good with
people, and the truth is...Copy !req
30. I need to do this for my son.Copy !req
31. Our... rent is going upCopy !req
32. because of all the new people
moving into town —Copy !req
33. and I don't think
I can afford it anymore.Copy !req
34. Well, then, I'm going to give
you a shot, Mrs. Cartman.Copy !req
35. For your little boy.Copy !req
36. God dammit...Copy !req
37. Oh, you piece of shit!Copy !req
38. Hello, sweetie!Copy !req
39. Mom! Where the hell
have you been?Copy !req
40. I've been home from school
for like 45 minutes!Copy !req
41. I'm sorry, honey,
mommy had some errands.Copy !req
42. I didn't have anything to eat
except Nutella.Copy !req
43. I was about to call
Child Services!Copy !req
44. Honey...
Mommy has some big news.Copy !req
45. What.Copy !req
46. I... got a job, Eric.Copy !req
47. I'm your job.Copy !req
48. Oh, honey —
It's going to be good.Copy !req
49. Mommy is just going
to be working a few days a weekCopy !req
50. and you can be a big boy
and take care of yourself.Copy !req
51. No.
Eric, this has to happen.Copy !req
52. We can't afford
to live in this houseCopy !req
53. unless I make more money,
and this job pays really well.Copy !req
54. Wha— What job
could you possibly have?Copy !req
55. You don't know how
to do anything.Copy !req
56. I'm a real estate agent.Copy !req
57. A what?Copy !req
58. Hey, Butters,
I need your help.Copy !req
59. Well — Well, sure, Eric!
What's goin' on?Copy !req
60. Butters,
I have some shocking news...Copy !req
61. My mom got a job.Copy !req
62. Oh... Oh, and you're worried
that maybe nowCopy !req
63. your mom won't always be there
to take care of you?Copy !req
64. What? No.
My mom got a job.Copy !req
65. My mom is dumb as shitCopy !req
66. and somebody is paying her
to do something.Copy !req
67. Have you ever heard of
a real estate agent, Butters?Copy !req
68. Well, not really.
Yeah, well, neither had I.Copy !req
69. So I looked it up on a bunch
of those shows and stuff.Copy !req
70. You don't do anything.Copy !req
71. You just look nice
and hug peopleCopy !req
72. and then when someone buys
or sells a house, you make
money.Copy !req
73. Wow! Well, that sounds like
a good deal!Copy !req
74. It's more than a good deal,
Butters,Copy !req
75. it's *bleep* legal theft.Copy !req
76. If my mom can be
a real estate agent,Copy !req
77. then literally
anyone in the world can.Copy !req
78. We've got
all these people movingCopy !req
79. from the cities into our town,Copy !req
80. I can probably be a millionaire
in just a few days time.Copy !req
81. Wow wee!Copy !req
82. Now, whatever you do,
don't tell anybody.Copy !req
83. If anyone else finds out
about this,Copy !req
84. they'll all want to be
real estate agents, too.Copy !req
85. You've always been great
at taking pictures, Butters.Copy !req
86. I won't forget this
when I'm rich.Copy !req
87. Gosh, thanks, Eric!Copy !req
88. Okay, Liane...
You've got this.Copy !req
89. You can do this.Copy !req
90. Bottled water. Bottled water.
Bottled water.Copy !req
91. Hello there! I believe I spoke
with you on the phone?Copy !req
92. I'm Liane Cartman
with South Park Realtors!Copy !req
93. Uh-huh... Uh-huh...Copy !req
94. Well, this is the house
I was telling you about.Copy !req
95. It just came on the market.Copy !req
96. It's a 2,300 square foot
mid colonial home.Copy !req
97. Detached garage.
Pilates?Copy !req
98. Excuse me?
Pilates.Copy !req
99. Is there a gym
my wife can do Pilates?Copy !req
100. Oh, you're about five minutes
from the local gym.Copy !req
101. Pilates. Bottled Water?Copy !req
102. Oh! Um, you have such
a lovely family!Copy !req
103. It must have been a big drive
from the city?Copy !req
104. Tesla. We have a Tesla.Copy !req
105. Wi-Fi! Wi-Fi!Copy !req
106. Is there Wi-Fi?
No Wi-Fi. Bottled water.Copy !req
107. Well, come on in,
let me show you around!Copy !req
108. Okay, this is a three bedroom
house with bathrooms.Copy !req
109. Front yard and back yard.Copy !req
110. Eric...
what are you doing?Copy !req
111. Oh, I just got some clients here
looking to relocate.Copy !req
112. These people are from the city.Copy !req
113. Uh, cortado.
Bottled water.Copy !req
114. Wi-Fi. Pilates.Copy !req
115. Uh, excuse me one moment.Copy !req
116. Eric!Copy !req
117. What are you up to?Copy !req
118. I got a job
as a real estate agent, mom.Copy !req
119. You are not
a real estate agent —Copy !req
120. Neither are you —Copy !req
121. Now just march
right back homeCopy !req
122. and I will see you
when I am done with work!Copy !req
123. Mom,
real estate is an open market.Copy !req
124. You're not the only one
who gets to take advantageCopy !req
125. of all the city people.Copy !req
126. Cortado?
Cortado!Copy !req
127. Oh, bottled water?
Wi-Fi!Copy !req
128. Metal bottled water!Copy !req
129. Eric,
this house is being representedCopy !req
130. by South Park Realtors.Copy !req
131. You don't get to just walk in
and show it!Copy !req
132. Oh! Ok! That's fine!Copy !req
133. I have tons of friends
in South Park!Copy !req
134. I'll get my own listings!Copy !req
135. People...
this is the most exciting timeCopy !req
136. in the history of South Park...Copy !req
137. As you know, there are people
from all over the countryCopy !req
138. leaving the cities and coming
to small, rural towns like ours.Copy !req
139. It's truly incredible
for all of us.Copy !req
140. With this new surge of people
from urban areas,Copy !req
141. we're seeing more town money
from sales taxes,Copy !req
142. more profit
in our local businesses —Copy !req
143. My bakery has seen
a 20% increase in sales.Copy !req
144. Oh, I just love
all these city people moving in!Copy !req
145. That's right. It's great to have
chitty people.Copy !req
146. These chitty people come
with their fancy chitty clothesCopy !req
147. and their big chitty cars.Copy !req
148. You know,
and these chitty peopleCopy !req
149. have a chitty way
of doing thingsCopy !req
150. that will expose us all
to their chitty ideas.Copy !req
151. Yeah, and they've got city money
and city lifestyles!Copy !req
152. Chitty money,
chitty lifestyles.Copy !req
153. And they'll move here
and bring their chitty families.Copy !req
154. And their cultured, chitty kids
will hang out with our kidsCopy !req
155. and expose them
to their chitty ways.Copy !req
156. I've always dreamed
of South ParkCopy !req
157. becoming more than a little
hick town.Copy !req
158. And these city people
bring with them... a new hope.Copy !req
159. Here's to the future,
everyone!Copy !req
160. The future!Copy !req
161. Okay, so this is a three bedroom
two and a half bath —Copy !req
162. Come on in, everybody!Copy !req
163. Wi-Fi?Copy !req
164. - Wha— Wha— Wha— Wha?
- LaCroix.Copy !req
165. You got about 2,300 square feetCopy !req
166. and there is
a finished basement.Copy !req
167. Oat milk. Oat milk.
Detached garage —Copy !req
168. stairs head up to the master,Copy !req
169. which is an en suite,
if I remember correctly.Copy !req
170. Let's get on back
to the kitchen...Copy !req
171. Cortado?Copy !req
172. You've got a nice, big kitchen,
pretty, new appliances.Copy !req
173. Door in the back
gets you out to the garage.Copy !req
174. Excuse me,
what are you doing?Copy !req
175. Just showing them your house.Copy !req
176. Come on, let's check out
the second floor —Copy !req
177. Our house isn't for sale!
Hey!Copy !req
178. Nice, big bathroom
for the two rooms up here.Copy !req
179. Tweek's grandma
is staying in one of the rooms,Copy !req
180. which serves as an office space
when she's not here.Copy !req
181. And then we are back down
to the spacious living room!Copy !req
182. Will you please
get out of our house.Copy !req
183. Yeah,
we're just about done.Copy !req
184. Well,
what do you guys think?Copy !req
185. MacBook, Tesla.Copy !req
186. I'm sorry, I didn't get that...Copy !req
187. My son left his MacBook
in the Tesla.Copy !req
188. Oh, sure,
well, let's head on out now.Copy !req
189. We can take a look
at Jimmy's house.Copy !req
190. It doesn't have
such sucky furniture.Copy !req
191. Let me talk to these guysCopy !req
192. and see if we can come up
with a number.Copy !req
193. I think I can get you
4 million for this place.Copy !req
194. $4 million? Really?Copy !req
195. I'll be in touch.Copy !req
196. Told you
our furniture sucked!Copy !req
197. Hey — Hey, John,
I got some bad news —Copy !req
198. We just lost another client
to South Park Realty Group.Copy !req
199. What?
We're losing people like crazy.Copy !req
200. These guys are ruthless.Copy !req
201. Who is this
South Park Realty Group?Copy !req
202. Has anyone heard of them!Copy !req
203. It appears to be
mostly one agent.Copy !req
204. A-A pretty young guy —Copy !req
205. Can't have been in the business
that long —Copy !req
206. Oh, my God...Copy !req
207. That's a pretty
damn good picture.Copy !req
208. How'd he get
that kind of depth of field?Copy !req
209. I don't know he's gotta be using
some kind of soft filter —Copy !req
210. nothing I've ever seen.
Alright, everyone!Copy !req
211. Looks like we've got
some competition!Copy !req
212. If anyone thinks they can take
our clients,Copy !req
213. they've got another thing
coming.Copy !req
214. Everyone get up.
We're gonna retake our pictures!Copy !req
215. Awww!Copy !req
216. No, no, no,
we're getting our butts kicked,Copy !req
217. and we need to show this kid
what we can do!Copy !req
218. Come on, Chris!
You gotta look really welcoming!Copy !req
219. Ugh. I'm trying—Copy !req
220. Come on,
arch your back more!Copy !req
221. I'm, ugh,
arched as far as I can...Copy !req
222. Come on, Chris,
you wanna lose another sale?Copy !req
223. Arch your back more!Copy !req
224. I-I got it —Copy !req
225. That's good, we got it —
Get in here, Carol!Copy !req
226. Got it! Ok, next!Copy !req
227. Hey, guys, it's Eric
from South Park Realty Group.Copy !req
228. Are you dreaming of moving out
of the cityCopy !req
229. and into
the beautiful countryside?Copy !req
230. I want you to check out
Clyde's house.Copy !req
231. This is a 2,300 square foot
mid colonial home —Copy !req
232. detached garage — now listing
for just $3.5 million.Copy !req
233. Let's check it out.Copy !req
234. This house is so spacious.Copy !req
235. I think my cameraman Butters
can attest to this.Copy !req
236. Isn't this nice, Butters?Copy !req
237. Yeah, it's real roomy!Copy !req
238. Just look at these amenities.Copy !req
239. These giant, glass double doors
lead to the unfinished backyard.Copy !req
240. Plenty of room here for a pool
or a horse stable.Copy !req
241. This is just one of the amazing
properties we haveCopy !req
242. at South Park Realty Group.Copy !req
243. We've got other great listings,
like —Copy !req
244. And my personal favorite,
Kyle's house.Copy !req
245. Get out of that sewage drain
you call a cityCopy !req
246. and start living the country
life you've always wanted.Copy !req
247. South Park Realty Group.Copy !req
248. Get out of the city
and into beautiful South Park.Copy !req
249. Uh, Liane,
you got a call, line 2.Copy !req
250. Sounds like a broker
interested in 4600 Highgate.Copy !req
251. Ooh! Okay.Copy !req
252. Hi! This is Liane
with South Park Realtors.Copy !req
253. How's it going?
This is Eric CartmanCopy !req
254. with South Park Realty Group.Copy !req
255. Eric, stop it.Copy !req
256. Well, I'm standing here
with some clientsCopy !req
257. who want to make a deal
on this Highgate place.Copy !req
258. They wanna offer $175,000.Copy !req
259. You are going to get me fired,
Eric.Copy !req
260. And then we are going to lose
our home.Copy !req
261. $175,000 is a great number —
$25,000 below asking,Copy !req
262. but you know
you're never gonna get $200,000.Copy !req
263. Don't worry, these deals
are always like this.Copy !req
264. I am doing this job for us!Copy !req
265. So we can have a roof
over our heads!Copy !req
266. The HVAC all needs to be redone
and you know it.Copy !req
267. I am not talking about this
anymore!Copy !req
268. Okay, that's fine mom, why don't
you go to *bleep* hell?Copy !req
269. It always gets like this
with agents.Copy !req
270. Don't worry,
she'll call back, watch.Copy !req
271. South Park Realty Group,
this is Eric.Copy !req
272. You are in so much trouble,
young man.Copy !req
273. Okay, okay...Copy !req
274. $180,000, but that's as high
as I can do.Copy !req
275. We got it.Copy !req
276. It just isn't fair...Copy !req
277. We retook all our pictures,Copy !req
278. and what does
South Park Really Group do?Copy !req
279. They go and make a video.Copy !req
280. And just like that,
they take all our customers.Copy !req
281. I think maybe real estate
just isn't the same anymore.Copy !req
282. Maybe we gotta start making
fancy videos to keep up.Copy !req
283. Excuse me, there's all these
City People moving into town —Copy !req
284. and I think I'd like to sell
my property.Copy !req
285. - R-Really?
- That's great!Copy !req
286. - Hey, hey, sir —
- We can sell your house!Copy !req
287. Move! Move! Get! Get!Copy !req
288. That's a very smart idea!Copy !req
289. It's definitely
a sellers' market right now!Copy !req
290. It's good you came
to South Park Realtors.Copy !req
291. What kind of house is it?Copy !req
292. Once in a lifetime,
a property comes up for saleCopy !req
293. that is so unique,
it defies words.Copy !req
294. We know that good housesCopy !req
295. are getting hard to come by
in South Park...Copy !req
296. and that's why we are so excitedCopy !req
297. to bring you this exceptional
new property.Copy !req
298. This is the historic
Aspen Park Hot Dog.Copy !req
299. 200 square feet of pure luxury.Copy !req
300. Let's check it out.Copy !req
301. You want to move out of the cityCopy !req
302. and enjoy the laid back
country life?Copy !req
303. It's all here.Copy !req
304. Find out more about
this dream home todayCopy !req
305. at South Park Realtors.Copy !req
306. LaCroix? LaCroix?Copy !req
307. - Wi-Fi?
- LaCroix?Copy !req
308. Huh...
people.Copy !req
309. Oh, no, there's way too many
people!Copy !req
310. Go on! Go, go, shoo!Copy !req
311. people!
Go on!Copy !req
312. people!Copy !req
313. People...
We have a giant problem.Copy !req
314. There are now so many
city peopleCopy !req
315. looking for houses
in South Park...Copy !req
316. that it could destroy
our rebounding economy.Copy !req
317. Uh... How so?Copy !req
318. I thought city people
were good for our economy.Copy !req
319. They are,
but Mr. Kim has a theory,Copy !req
320. and I think you all better
listen to him.Copy !req
321. Mr. Kim.Copy !req
322. What's the one thing
people hate most?Copy !req
323. people.Copy !req
324. people wanna get out
of the city.Copy !req
325. If too many come here...Copy !req
326. chittyCopy !req
327. people
gonna leave.Copy !req
328. We can't let that happen.Copy !req
329. Not when things are finally
starting to turn around!Copy !req
330. So then we have to find a way
to stop this.Copy !req
331. It's the damn
real estate agents!Copy !req
332. They're the ones
who are going overboard.Copy !req
333. They only care about
their commissions!Copy !req
334. Yes, we have to tell
the realtors to cool their jets!Copy !req
335. Realtors don't care
about anything but money.Copy !req
336. We have to show them who's
really in charge of this town...Copy !req
337. Jimbo — go to your gun store
and get the necessary supplies.Copy !req
338. I'm declaring open season...Copy !req
339. on real estate agents.Copy !req
340. Cortado?Copy !req
341. Cortado.
Oat milk?Copy !req
342. Bottled Water...
Metal Bottle Water.Copy !req
343. LaCroix?
LaCroix!Copy !req
344. Metal bottle water?
Edamame. Edamame.Copy !req
345. Welcome, Home Buyers!Copy !req
346. I'm Eric
with South Park Realty Group.Copy !req
347. We hope you're enjoying
the provided food and beverages.Copy !req
348. LaCroix!Copy !req
349. Yes, that's right!Copy !req
350. You know,
here at South Park Realty Group,Copy !req
351. we've had
some amazing listings —Copy !req
352. Craig's house,
Jimmy's house —Copy !req
353. but I think you'll all agree
that what we have for you todayCopy !req
354. is a whole nother level.Copy !req
355. I present to you...Copy !req
356. Tolkien's house!Copy !req
357. - Baw?
- Wha— Wha— Wha— Wha — Wha?Copy !req
358. These owners have just moved out
to a farm,Copy !req
359. and we're listing this house
at just under $50 million.Copy !req
360. Yes! Go on in!Copy !req
361. Check it out!
Make me an offer!Copy !req
362. - Pilates?
- Pilates?Copy !req
363. You are in big trouble,
young man!Copy !req
364. This is my listing, mom!Copy !req
365. I have had it with you!Copy !req
366. Come here right now!
This is my listing, mom!Copy !req
367. Eric!Copy !req
368. What the hell?
Over here...Copy !req
369. What happened here?Copy !req
370. They're too smart for us.
South Park Realty Group.Copy !req
371. We tried to keep up —Copy !req
372. took our pictures again —
ahghg!Copy !req
373. My spine is broken.Copy !req
374. Well, it serves you right for
what you're doing to our town!Copy !req
375. You're driving
all the city people away!Copy !req
376. Not us...
South Park Realty Group...Copy !req
377. they upset the natural balance.Copy !req
378. Real estate agents
don't really do anything.Copy !req
379. If they start doing stuff,Copy !req
380. then the whole housing market
goes crazy.Copy !req
381. Where is South Park Realty Group
located?Copy !req
382. They're showing a house...Copy !req
383. The Tolkien house...Copy !req
384. You have to stop them.Copy !req
385. Ahg! Help!Copy !req
386. Somebody call
Child Protective Services!Copy !req
387. Eric, you're only making it
worse!Copy !req
388. I am not doing
a co-brokering deal, mom,Copy !req
389. it's not gonna happen.Copy !req
390. This isn't about that, Eric,
and you know it!Copy !req
391. You're upset.Copy !req
392. You're upset because you don't
want your mom to have a job!Copy !req
393. That isn't true.Copy !req
394. It is true!
You're scared and you're jealousCopy !req
395. that a job will take
my attention away from you!Copy !req
396. You just want to offer
the sellers a lower commissionCopy !req
397. to list this house and it's not
going to work, mom!Copy !req
398. It's ok to be scared, Eric.Copy !req
399. I know that I'm the only family
you have,Copy !req
400. but you're making everything
worse for us!Copy !req
401. I see one!Copy !req
402. There's a real estate agent
right there!Copy !req
403. There's a big one
and a little, fat one!Copy !req
404. Eric, you need to stop this
right now.Copy !req
405. When I close this deal, mom,Copy !req
406. I'm gonna be the richest kid
in town!Copy !req
407. It's doesn't work that way,
Eric!Copy !req
408. You aren't going to make
any money —Copy !req
409. you're just driving up
the marketCopy !req
410. and none of your deals
will make it through escrow!Copy !req
411. Well, we'll just see in 30 days,
won't we?Copy !req
412. Except for some of my deals,Copy !req
413. which have a 45 day
contingency period!Copy !req
414. Fine, Eric.Copy !req
415. Will you stop all this
if I quit my job?Copy !req
416. And you won't get
any other job?Copy !req
417. No.Copy !req
418. And your only job will be me?Copy !req
419. And you'll be home
when I get back from schoolCopy !req
420. and have my mid afternoon meal
all ready on the table?Copy !req
421. Yes, Eric...Copy !req
422. Yes..Copy !req
423. Hold yer fire!Copy !req
424. Come on out,
ya damn real estate agents!Copy !req
425. Don't shoot!
I am not a real estate agent!Copy !req
426. I am quitting as of right now.Copy !req
427. And South Park Realty Group
is no more.Copy !req
428. We did it...
We *bleep* did it!Copy !req
429. Head Realtor: Real Estate
is a delicate balance.Copy !req
430. It has to be left
to the professionals.Copy !req
431. There's a great migration
happening all over America.Copy !req
432. And if we do it right...Copy !req
433. Everyone ends up in a home...
that they can afford.Copy !req
434. I think it's cool
we live in a hot dog.Copy !req
435. We have everything
we need here.Copy !req
436. We've got running water,
a couch to sleep on.Copy !req
437. And most important,
we have each other.Copy !req
438. Weak...
I live in a hot dog.Copy !req