1. Oh, my Gosh!
Oh, honey!Copy !req
2. I can't believe
you went to Jared!Copy !req
3. This is a new beginning
for us, darling.Copy !req
4. I'm just so excited
for our future.Copy !req
5. Ooooh, yeah!
Take that, cop!Copy !req
6. You want some,
too, sheriff?Copy !req
7. Yeah! There you go, bitch!Copy !req
8. Another dead cop!Copy !req
9. And another one!Copy !req
10. Yeah, you want some,
too, copper?Copy !req
11. You want a piece of this,
you god damn pigs?Copy !req
12. Officer, you have
to let us out of here!Copy !req
13. We don't have
much time!Copy !req
14. Yeah, that's the last cop.
Let's get outta here!Copy !req
15. Sir, you have
to listen to us.Copy !req
16. ManBearPig is real.Copy !req
17. Oh, God.
Here we go again.Copy !req
18. "We gotta stop ManBearPig!Copy !req
19. We gotta take it serious!"Copy !req
20. But we do!Copy !req
21. ManBearPig is gonna
kill everyone,Copy !req
22. and he is not
gonna stop!Copy !req
23. Oh, well, then I guessCopy !req
24. I don't have to do
anything about it.Copy !req
25. Can you get off
your god damn video gameCopy !req
26. for five fuckin' seconds
so we can have a conversation?Copy !req
27. Where the hell is Al Gore?
Why isn't he coming for us?Copy !req
28. Nobody's coming for us, Stan.
They think we're murderers.Copy !req
29. And that's why we have
to break out of here ourselves.Copy !req
30. Excuse me, officer?
Shut up.Copy !req
31. I don't wanna hear anything
about ManBearPigCopy !req
32. and how we're all doomed.Copy !req
33. No, it's not that.
It's just...Copy !req
34. I noticed you're still
riding you're horseCopy !req
35. all the way back to camp.Copy !req
36. Yeah. Trains and stagecoaches
don't go to my camp.Copy !req
37. No they don't, but...Copy !req
38. you can use cinematic mode to
make it way easier on yourself.Copy !req
39. What the hell
are you talking about?Copy !req
40. All right, everyone.Copy !req
41. I realize
a lot of people have diedCopy !req
42. and most of the roads
have been destroyedCopy !req
43. due to all the fires,
so I'd like to thank you allCopy !req
44. for coming to tonight's
symposium —Copy !req
45. "When Should I Start to Worry?"Copy !req
46. I'd like to make this
an open discussionCopy !req
47. and hope we can
all participate in waysCopy !req
48. that give better insight.Copy !req
49. Yes, Mr. Clarkson?Copy !req
50. I'm pretty sure
there's a ManBearPig.Copy !req
51. And I'm fairly certain that
he has eaten two of my childrenCopy !req
52. and destroyed our home.Copy !req
53. When should
I start to worry?Copy !req
54. That's an excellent
question.Copy !req
55. There's definitely evidence
that all the deathCopy !req
56. and destruction around us is due
to a ManBearPig.Copy !req
57. But no exact correlation
to a ManBearPig.Copy !req
58. Definitely not,Copy !req
59. and that's why
we are all here,Copy !req
60. to try to pinpoint
when should I start to worry?Copy !req
61. I think that the time
to start worrying is coming.Copy !req
62. I don't know if I believe
in ManBearPig or not,Copy !req
63. but I do know that I'm openCopy !req
64. to the idea
of starting to worry.Copy !req
65. I think Stephen echoes
a lot of our feelings right now.Copy !req
66. Arghhh!Copy !req
67. Foolish mortals!Copy !req
68. Your time is nigh!
Face your end!Copy !req
69. Um, it looks like
Satan is here.Copy !req
70. Should I start
to worry?Copy !req
71. Stan?Copy !req
72. We broke out of
jail, Dad.Copy !req
73. Come on.
Get outta sight.Copy !req
74. Cartman tricked
the guard.Copy !req
75. We all ran home to be
with our parents.Copy !req
76. Where's Mom?
Your mom's been outCopy !req
77. trying to find you a lawyer
and a therapist.Copy !req
78. We've been doing
all we can, son!Copy !req
79. Dad, that thing we saw
take Ned —Copy !req
80. It was ManBearPig.
It was real.Copy !req
81. What are you talking about.
It was just a bear.Copy !req
82. No, Dad! It's —Copy !req
83. Why do you keep
looking at the TV?Copy !req
84. What? Why?
I dunno. What?Copy !req
85. You've been playing
"Red Dead Redemption"?Copy !req
86. A little bit!Copy !req
87. I mean, when I'm not doing
all the stuff for you.Copy !req
88. I thought you were working
on getting me out!Copy !req
89. Sorry!
I needed a little break.Copy !req
90. You're all the way
to Saint Denis?Copy !req
91. That's like 40 hours
of gameplay!Copy !req
92. How could you —
Are you high right now?Copy !req
93. I'm a little high, yes!Copy !req
94. Oh, my God.Copy !req
95. Oh, what?
I'm sorry!Copy !req
96. I'm sorry I needed to decompress
with all this shit going on.Copy !req
97. I can't believe you would
get high and play video gamesCopy !req
98. while your son
is in jail!Copy !req
99. You're such an asshole!Copy !req
100. Well, at least I'm not
a school shooter!Copy !req
101. It wasn't me!
It was a demon named ManBearPig!Copy !req
102. Oh, whatever!
"ManBearPig! ManBearPig!"Copy !req
103. You sound like
your freakin' grandpa.Copy !req
104. Yeah, because I learned a lot
about — Woah, woah.Copy !req
105. What are you talking about,
"I sound like grandpa"?Copy !req
106. He's been talking about
ManBearPig comingCopy !req
107. since I was fuckin' 14.Copy !req
108. It's nothing new.Copy !req
109. Someone made a deal with it...
a long time ago...Copy !req
110. Do you know how to craft
stamina tonics?Copy !req
111. Mom?Copy !req
112. Dad?Copy !req
113. I don't know
if you can hear me.Copy !req
114. I feel so alone right now.Copy !req
115. I feel like the whole world
is falling apartCopy !req
116. and somehow I'm supposed
to do something but...Copy !req
117. I don't know
what that is anymore.Copy !req
118. Al Gore: Fear not.
Do not give up on yourself.Copy !req
119. You must keep
believing.Copy !req
120. Mr. Gore?Copy !req
121. Where have you been?Copy !req
122. It's me. Al Gore.Copy !req
123. Yeah.
Where have you been?Copy !req
124. You cannot lose faith,
my child.Copy !req
125. Even though everyone
is ripping on you.Copy !req
126. Even though
they don't believe you,Copy !req
127. and they're saying
you're just seeking attentionCopy !req
128. because you lost
the presidency,Copy !req
129. you have to be strong.Copy !req
130. What happened to you?
Are you dead or something?Copy !req
131. No! Not dead!Copy !req
132. Just merely using
a flashlight on glassCopy !req
133. to apply the Pepper's
ghost technique.Copy !req
134. Wait, what?Copy !req
135. Oh, God damn it!Copy !req
136. You see my point?Copy !req
137. Things aren't always
as they appear.Copy !req
138. You have to stay strong,
my little crusader.Copy !req
139. I can't do this alone.
I need help.Copy !req
140. I did, too.Copy !req
141. Didn't get it.Copy !req
142. What more do you
want from me?Copy !req
143. I've atoned
for my mistake.Copy !req
144. I'm sorry that we were
getting a lotCopy !req
145. of different information
at the time.Copy !req
146. You know,
even you were wrongCopy !req
147. about a lot of the things
you said would happen —Copy !req
148. What's that?Copy !req
149. Nothing.
I didn't mean —Copy !req
150. See ya later,
alligator.Copy !req
151. No, no, no, no!
I'm sorry!Copy !req
152. I am sorry, please!
I'm cereal!Copy !req
153. I didn't mean
to say you were wrong,Copy !req
154. just that some
of your predictionsCopy !req
155. didn't happen —
Oh, yeah.Copy !req
156. You're real cereal.Copy !req
157. Please, please!
Please!Copy !req
158. I'll do anything!
I just want everyone to be safe!Copy !req
159. All I was doing was trying
to be your mentor.Copy !req
160. You know who
my mentor was?Copy !req
161. Me! Al Gore!Copy !req
162. Hello, Al Gore.Copy !req
163. It's him!
Just in time, too.Copy !req
164. Thanks for coming in my time
of crisis, Al Gore!Copy !req
165. Sorry to call you down, sir,
but this is a bad one.Copy !req
166. Oh, no.
That's fine.Copy !req
167. I finally arrest
four school shootersCopy !req
168. and can play some
"Red Dead Redemption,"Copy !req
169. and then I get a call
about another school shooting.Copy !req
170. This one really doesn't look
like a school shooting, sir.Copy !req
171. Five different witnesses
say it was definitely...Copy !req
172. ManBearPig.Copy !req
173. God damn it!Copy !req
174. There is no such thing as
a ManBearPig, you got that?Copy !req
175. We're working with facts here,
not goofball theories!Copy !req
176. Yes, but, sir,
all the forensic scientistsCopy !req
177. say there are bear
and pig footprints —Copy !req
178. Fuck scientists!Copy !req
179. Why are you trying to
figure out what's going onCopy !req
180. with scientists?Copy !req
181. The only thing
I want to know isCopy !req
182. who committed
this school shootingCopy !req
183. since our
school shooting suspectsCopy !req
184. are in jail!
Detective!Copy !req
185. Detective, we just got word
from the station.Copy !req
186. The four shooting suspects
broke out a while ago.Copy !req
187. Oh, well, there you go!
It was them again!Copy !req
188. Gee, I didn't need
any freakin' scientistsCopy !req
189. to figure that out,
did I?Copy !req
190. Get 'em outta here!Copy !req
191. Now how the fuck
did those kidsCopy !req
192. break out of my jail?Copy !req
193. Jenkins said
they tricked him.Copy !req
194. Said they could show him a way
to fast travelCopy !req
195. in "Red Dead Redemption"
by upgrading his camp,Copy !req
196. and then
they just took off.Copy !req
197. There's a way to fast travel
if you upgrade your camp?Copy !req
198. Jesus.Copy !req
199. You better start
from the beginning.Copy !req
200. More damage
and destruction todayCopy !req
201. as the death toll rises
to the hundreds.Copy !req
202. Some see this as evidence
ManBearPig might be real,Copy !req
203. while others say ManBearPig
is a fabricationCopy !req
204. for political gains —Copy !req
205. Grandpa?Copy !req
206. What did you do?Copy !req
207. Oh, Billy.Copy !req
208. My grandson come to visit!Copy !req
209. This isn't the first time
ManBearPig has shown up, is it?Copy !req
210. What happened?Copy !req
211. Billy,
I have Alzheimer's.Copy !req
212. I don't even remember
what happened this morning.Copy !req
213. Cut the shit, Grandpa.Copy !req
214. You people knew.
You made a deal with that thing.Copy !req
215. We thought
we'd be dead by now!Copy !req
216. We didn't think we'd have
to live to see the consequences!Copy !req
217. Aw, great! Just tell
the whole world, Margret!Copy !req
218. Why did you old people
make a deal?Copy !req
219. We had a right to be happy,
too, ya know!Copy !req
220. And you just signed away
the future?Copy !req
221. We didn't want to have to give
the demon his stuff back!Copy !req
222. What stuff?Copy !req
223. All our cars.Copy !req
224. And premium boutique
ice cream.Copy !req
225. You couldn't control
yourselvesCopy !req
226. so now that thing is here
to kill all of us!Copy !req
227. Good fuckin' job, grandpa!Copy !req
228. Kyle, come on,
we've got to go.Copy !req
229. Go where?Copy !req
230. I had a vision, Kyle.
Al Gore's ghost visited me.Copy !req
231. Al Gore isn't dead.Copy !req
232. Well, his ghost
came to me, Kyle.Copy !req
233. He said he had a plan,
and we need to go.Copy !req
234. Are you in or not?Copy !req
235. Mrph rmh rmphm?Copy !req
236. We shouldn't
be out here!Copy !req
237. We're wanted by
the police.Copy !req
238. Shhh.
What was that?Copy !req
239. Mrph rmhmhm rm.Copy !req
240. This is where Al Gore
told me to go.Copy !req
241. Mrph rmhmhm rm!Copy !req
242. It's Satan!Copy !req
243. What are you
doing here, Satan?Copy !req
244. I was told to come here
by the spirit of Al Gore.Copy !req
245. Us, too.
But why?Copy !req
246. Remember...Copy !req
247. even though I am gone,
you must still work together.Copy !req
248. Work together how?Copy !req
249. I'm not talking to you.Copy !req
250. I'm talking to the ones
who are actually cereal.Copy !req
251. You cannot
lose hope.Copy !req
252. There is still much
you need to know.Copy !req
253. Oh, you'd better not...Copy !req
254. You bitch!Copy !req
255. You're playing
Red Dead Redemption,
aren't you?Copy !req
256. So? What of it?Copy !req
257. What did I tell you about
playing on my save game, Maggie?Copy !req
258. No. No. This is my life,
now, Harrison Yates.Copy !req
259. I started over,
with me own save game.Copy !req
260. What are you
talking about?Copy !req
261. See for yourself.Copy !req
262. You and all your talk
of wanting your own life.Copy !req
263. I wanted something
new, too!Copy !req
264. I started over
in the snow,Copy !req
265. and worked my way up to
the new gang leader!Copy !req
266. I have thousands
of dollars of me own.Copy !req
267. I built a house
with John Marston.Copy !req
268. I'm helping
his family, now.Copy !req
269. You fucking slut!Copy !req
270. That's right,
Harrison Yates.Copy !req
271. And what have you got?Copy !req
272. A basic starter horse
and the $20 gambler's hatCopy !req
273. you won in
a poker match.Copy !req
274. I'm twice the man
you are, now!Copy !req
275. Don't you talk
to me like that!Copy !req
276. I'll talk
however I want!Copy !req
277. I've completed every
hunting side mission,Copy !req
278. found seven
legendary animals.Copy !req
279. Found them where?Copy !req
280. I'm not telling.Copy !req
281. You wanted your own life,
and now, you got it!Copy !req
282. Maggie!Copy !req
283. And in conclusion, let me just
say that you are the future.Copy !req
284. You cannot give up hope.Copy !req
285. I brought you all together
because I believe in you.Copy !req
286. Okay, but what do
you want us to —Copy !req
287. And sometimes, believing is
all that we need to be cereal.Copy !req
288. Credits?Copy !req
289. Did you guys
like my movie?Copy !req
290. What are you doing?Copy !req
291. Exactly. I'm trying
to get you to ask,Copy !req
292. "What would Al Gore do?"Copy !req
293. Make a movie
starring you.Copy !req
294. Yes — to get you all
to not give up.Copy !req
295. To get you to fight!Copy !req
296. You don't understand.
There is no fight.Copy !req
297. A deal was made.
We do not know by whom.Copy !req
298. But this demon
has grown stronger,Copy !req
299. and no mortal
can do anything to stop him.Copy !req
300. No mortal,
but what about you?Copy !req
301. Why would I help mankind?Copy !req
302. Satan, come on.Copy !req
303. Are you really gonna stand there
and not say you appreciateCopy !req
304. all the nice things humans
have done for you lately?Copy !req
305. I mean, not sure
if you've noticed,Copy !req
306. but we're pretty much doing
things your way up here.Copy !req
307. I... must admit,
people up here on EarthCopy !req
308. have been doing a lot of
my work for me lately.Copy !req
309. Maybe... maybe it is time
I did something for them.Copy !req
310. We were all young and
foolish back then, Billy.Copy !req
311. We didn't think
about the future.Copy !req
312. We just
wanted things.Copy !req
313. This creature shows up,
and it seemed like a good deal,Copy !req
314. for everyone in town.Copy !req
315. You didn't stop to think about
what it would mean for us?Copy !req
316. Ah, Billy,
it's not that simple.Copy !req
317. We thought about it. But our
town was so tiny back then.Copy !req
318. We just — We wanted nice
things other people had.Copy !req
319. And you didn't give
two shitsCopy !req
320. what it would mean
for your grandchildren.Copy !req
321. I didn't think
I'd have grandkids.Copy !req
322. I didn't even
want childrenCopy !req
323. That's why I always came
on Gram Gram's tits.Copy !req
324. But then, one night, I'm having
sex with your grandma,Copy !req
325. and she sticks her finger
in my ass.Copy !req
326. She had sometimes
licked my ass before,Copy !req
327. but this was the first time
she used her finger,Copy !req
328. and I came inside her
like that.Copy !req
329. I pulled out,
and your grandma was like,Copy !req
330. "Did you just come in me?"Copy !req
331. And I was like "Well, you stuck
your finger in my ass."Copy !req
332. And that's basically
why you're here, Billy.Copy !req
333. This is supposed to
make me feel better?Copy !req
334. I'm just saying that I wasn't
thinking about the futureCopy !req
335. because your father was supposed
to be nothing but dried up crustCopy !req
336. on Gram Gram's
titties.Copy !req
337. You people made a deal
with ManBearPig.Copy !req
338. How? Where?Copy !req
339. It doesn't matter, Billy.
It's too late now.Copy !req
340. Tell me how
the deal happened,Copy !req
341. so that I can try
to make it go away.Copy !req
342. No! No!Copy !req
343. ManBearPig!Copy !req
344. Now watch...Copy !req
345. Satan!Copy !req
346. H-Hey. Hey kidsCopy !req
347. I'm sorry.Copy !req
348. No. Satan,
you can't die.Copy !req
349. Everyone dies.Copy !req
350. I just wish
I could have helped you.Copy !req
351. Oh, God. It hurts.Copy !req
352. We can't do this
without you Satan.Copy !req
353. You have to.
You have to keep trying.Copy !req
354. If you can't stop ManBearPig,
how can we be —Copy !req
355. You have to keep trying!Copy !req
356. You... have to believe.Copy !req
357. Mmph.Copy !req
358. Satan's dead.Copy !req
359. Come back.
Come back.Copy !req
360. Goodbye.Copy !req
361. Dude, this is
pretty fucked up right here.Copy !req
362. And now
on Park County Cable Access,Copy !req
363. "Should We Start to Worry?"
with your host Jim Kimble.Copy !req
364. As our town continues to burn
to the ground,Copy !req
365. Satan has been slaughtered
and sent to heaven.Copy !req
366. Should we start to worry?Copy !req
367. Joining me now, an expert
on our county resourcesCopy !req
368. and preparedness, Alec Vaughn.Copy !req
369. Alec, should
we start to worry?Copy !req
370. Jim, I think
we should definitely considerCopy !req
371. starting to worry.Copy !req
372. Satan was one of the most
powerful entities,Copy !req
373. supposedly,
in the universe,Copy !req
374. and ManBearPig annihilated him
like a bitch.Copy !req
375. I don't think we should
waste any more timeCopy !req
376. underestimating
the importanceCopy !req
377. of beginning to think about
starting to worry.Copy !req
378. Also joining us is the former
Vice President, Al Gore.Copy !req
379. Mr. Gore, do you believe
it's time for us to deliberateCopy !req
380. the process
of starting to worry?Copy !req
381. If by worrying,
you mean getting cereal,Copy !req
382. then an emphatic "yes!"Copy !req
383. I don't think
there's any more roomCopy !req
384. for not considering
underestimating the importanceCopy !req
385. of beginning to start
the process of mulling overCopy !req
386. the conceptualization
of starting to worry.Copy !req
387. And the time to do it is...
very soon.Copy !req
388. Hey, what
are you doing?Copy !req
389. I'm being
a spiritual mentor.Copy !req
390. These people are
depending on me.Copy !req
391. No, they're
depending on me!Copy !req
392. I'm depending on you,
goofball!Copy !req
393. Aah!Copy !req
394. All right,
looks like we're clear.Copy !req
395. I can't believe it's
the weekend, and I'm at school!Copy !req
396. This is
the best place to hide.Copy !req
397. Why? Of all the places
we could hide,Copy !req
398. why do I have to sit here
in school?Copy !req
399. Mmph!Copy !req
400. Where's the last place anyone
would think we would hide?Copy !req
401. The scene of our supposed crime,
dummies! We're safe here.Copy !req
402. I'd rather be in jail
than in school.Copy !req
403. Mm mmph!Copy !req
404. Guys? Guys!Copy !req
405. Stan!Copy !req
406. Guys, thank God!
Just stay right there, Grandpa!Copy !req
407. I know all about the deal.
I know what we have to do.Copy !req
408. How'd you
find us here?Copy !req
409. I figured you guys
were hiding somewhere.Copy !req
410. This is the first place
I thought to look.Copy !req
411. Mm-hmm!Copy !req
412. Yeah, I guess we're dummies,
huh, Kenny?Copy !req
413. Yeah, I guess
we're dummies.Copy !req
414. Guys, listen —
My stupid grandpaCopy !req
415. and a bunch of other old people
made the deal with ManBearPig.Copy !req
416. It's here because
of their greediness.Copy !req
417. Everyone's greedy!Copy !req
418. Shut up, Grandpa!Copy !req
419. I know where to go,
but I need your help.Copy !req
420. I'm going to face ManBearPig
and put an end to this deal.Copy !req
421. Are you crazy? We just saw
ManBearPig take down Satan.Copy !req
422. What the hell are we supposed to
do against it?Copy !req
423. We have to try.Copy !req
424. Attention school
shooters... again.Copy !req
425. We have you surrounded... again.Copy !req
426. Come out
with your hands up!Copy !req
427. We just sat in school
for nothing.Copy !req
428. Listen!
We know what to do now!Copy !req
429. Drop to the ground and put
your hands on your heads.Copy !req
430. No, I need
to face ManBearPig.Copy !req
431. We have orders!
You're coming with us!Copy !req
432. Belay those orders!Copy !req
433. I've been a fool
denying ManBearPig's existence,Copy !req
434. and I didn't realize it
till I went home.Copy !req
435. My wife... had started
a new life without me.Copy !req
436. I wanted to give up,Copy !req
437. but instead,
I robbed a bank in Saint Denis,Copy !req
438. and I went to an island
north of Cuba.Copy !req
439. After I came back, that's
when it all caught up with me.Copy !req
440. All the stagecoaches
I had robbed,Copy !req
441. all the horses I had stole —
for what?Copy !req
442. We're nothing if we don't
believe in each other!Copy !req
443. And God damn it, it's never
too late to start tryingCopy !req
444. to do the right thing.Copy !req
445. You think you know
what that is boys?Copy !req
446. Yes, I do.Copy !req
447. We're going to face
ManBearPigCopy !req
448. and put an end to this deal
once and for all.Copy !req
449. Okay, sign here...
and here.Copy !req
450. These documents state
merely that you've been grantedCopy !req
451. power of attorney by your town
and that you wish to attemptCopy !req
452. to void
the current agreement.Copy !req
453. Kay...Copy !req
454. Since this is
a renegotiation,Copy !req
455. you agree that ManBearPig
has right to compensationCopy !req
456. for termination,
and you will give up all rightsCopy !req
457. to specified assets.Copy !req
458. Yes. Yes, we agree to give back
cars and ice cream.Copy !req
459. Uh, let me confer
with my client.Copy !req
460. Uh-huh. Got it. Yes.Copy !req
461. My client says
that he —Copy !req
462. Kay. Uh, mm-hmm.Copy !req
463. ManBearPig has
no interestCopy !req
464. in you giving up cars
and ice cream.Copy !req
465. Well, what's he want everyone
to give up?Copy !req
466. There! There he is!
There he is!Copy !req
467. Is it over?Copy !req
468. Um, he says he'll never
come back again, but...Copy !req
469. we have to give up soy sauce
and Red Dead Redemption 2.Copy !req
470. Ohhhh!Copy !req
471. Just plain rice?Copy !req
472. Yeah,
that's what I thought.Copy !req
473. Um, could we possibly talk about
restructuring a new deal?Copy !req
474. Uh-huh! Uh-huh!Copy !req
475. No. No. Just, like, can we do,
like, a renegotiation?Copy !req
476. All right,
sign here and hereCopy !req
477. that you are entering
a renegotiation with ManBearPig.Copy !req
478. - Where do I sign that?
- Right there.Copy !req
479. Okay.
Yeah, I thought so.Copy !req
480. Shut up, Grandpa.Copy !req
481. And sign here
that ManBearPig has rightsCopy !req
482. to the lives of all children
in third world countries.Copy !req
483. Kay, got it.Copy !req
484. And you agree
to ignore ManBearPigCopy !req
485. until he returns
in five years,Copy !req
486. in which time the carnage
will be a thousand fold.Copy !req
487. Kay, where
do I sign that?Copy !req
488. Arghhh!Copy !req
489. Foolish mortals!Copy !req
490. Your time is nigh!
Face your end!Copy !req
491. Um, it looks like
Satan is here.Copy !req
492. Should I start
to worry?Copy !req