1. Yeeeah!
You got it, Ned!
Copy !req
2. That was a nice shot!
Copy !req
3. Thanks.
I thought so, too.
Copy !req
4. Come on,
let's see what we got.
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5. Huh. Looks like you
shot the shit out of it.
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6. There's nothin' left.
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7. Hey.
Lookie here.
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8. Jesus. You ever seen
animal tracks that big?
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9. No, I have not, Jimbo.
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10. Looks like a bear.
A huge one!
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11. Come on,
the tracks go this way.
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12. Look at that.
Looks like bear droppings.
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13. But with a man poop
right next to it.
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14. I'm scared.
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15. What the hell are we
dealing with, Ned?
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16. Whatever it is,
it was here recently.
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17. Hey!
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18. What the hell are you guys
doing on my farm?
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19. We're trackin' a bear,
Randy.
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20. A bear?
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21. That didn't sound
like no bear.
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22. Where you goin', Ned?
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23. I'm getting
my white ass outta here.
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24. What the fuck?
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25. Jesus Christ!
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26. Ahghgghghgh!
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27. Helllllllp meeeeee!
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28. Neddddddd!
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29. All right, we have some dead
cows down at Milner's Ranch.
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30. I want Conners and Tiggs
to check that out.
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31. And the two hikers
are still missing.
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32. Let's have all units keep
their ears to the ground.
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33. All right, ladies, that's it.
Second shift starts now.
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34. As for me,
I'm finally heading home.
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35. Gonna finally get
some R&R, sir?
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36. Yup. Gonna go home and play me
some "Red Dead Redemption 2."
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37. I got a train to rob
in Valentine.
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38. Detective?
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39. Got a call
from the school.
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40. Another kid's
been killed.
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41. No, no, not another
school shooting.
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42. Can't they handle it
themselves?
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43. Said they need us
right away.
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44. God damn it.
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45. Why the hell can't these kids
stop being a pain in my ass?
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46. Children, everyone
just stay back, okay?
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47. The police are coming.
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48. All right, what happened?
What grade was the shooter in?
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49. Oh, thank God.
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50. Some kindergartners
found the body.
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51. I-I don't think
it was a shooting.
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52. Of course
it's a school shooting.
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53. It's cut and dry.
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54. Let's just get this over with
so I can go home.
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55. Where's the victim?
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56. Over there.
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57. What the hell?
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58. Jesus,
it's a complete mauling.
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59. Looks like part of him
was eaten.
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60. All right, which one of you
little shitheads did this?
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61. Come on! I don't have time
for these little games.
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62. Which one of you peckers
felt isolated
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63. and lashed out
at society?
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64. If I have to stay here
and do an investigation
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65. instead of go home
and rob a train,
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66. there's gonna be
serious hell to pay!
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67. So, what was he doing
alone on the playground?
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68. Staci Nakabe says
he just wanted to run back out
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69. and get his football.
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70. Mrph rmhmhm rm!
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71. And there were bear prints
in the snow?
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72. It wasn't a bear.
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73. I saw it.
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74. You saw what?
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75. It was at my house.
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76. There was a... thing.
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77. It attacked my uncle
and took his friend.
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78. It was like a bear,
but a pig... thing.
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79. Jesus.
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80. It was at my house
and then here at the school!
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81. Everyone says
that kid and I look alike.
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82. What if that thing
is after me?
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83. Dude, now you're just
overreacting.
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84. Mr.
Attention, please.
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85. Will the following students
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86. report to
the principal's office.
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87. Eric Cartman.
Kenny McCormick.
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88. Thank you, mkay.
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89. Aw, what did I do
this time?
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90. You go first, Kenny.
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91. Mrph rmhmhm rm!
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92. I didn't even
do anything wrong!
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93. Mrph rmhmhm rm!
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94. Just stop being a baby, Kenny,
and go.
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95. Take a seat boys.
Right there.
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96. You know how shitty it is
to be a cop?
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97. There's real emergencies
every day —
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98. real people
who need real help —
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99. but then, every other minute,
I gotta stop everything
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100. 'cause one of you
little fuckwads
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101. decides to go
and shoot up the school.
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102. Mrph rmhmhm rm!
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103. Shut up! Now, which one of you
had a beef with Colin Brooks?
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104. Nobody gives a shit
about Colin Brooks.
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105. Oh, yeah? I asked
the kids in this school,
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106. "Who are the biggest loners?
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107. Who's most likely to rage
and be the next school shooter?"
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108. You know what they said?
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109. The fat, ugly, mean kid and
the detached, loner, poor kid.
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110. Hey, I'm not poor,
all right?
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111. Or was it both of you?
Fess up.
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112. I have people
in Horseshoe Overlook
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113. who are depending on me
to get provisions
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114. so we can head
back east.
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115. You're playing
"Red Dead Redemption," too?
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116. That's right.
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117. And I'm gonna make
both of you school shooters pay
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118. for wasting my time.
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119. Keep looking.
There's a lot of people
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120. saying they saw it,
Kyle.
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121. It's not just me.
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122. "Evidence of the creature
of South Park."
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123. This is like
a conspiracy website.
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124. It's not a conspiracy,
it's real.
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125. Keep going down.
There's video.
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126. There!
Right there!
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127. That's it.
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128. That's was I saw.
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129. I saw ManBearPig.
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130. ManBearPig?
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131. Don't you remember, dude?
We were warned about this.
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132. That weirdo guy who came
and told us this would happen?
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133. He was right.
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134. You guys!
You guys!
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135. The police
are trying to say
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136. me and Kenny killed
that douchebag Colin Brooks!
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137. What?
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138. They questioned us
for hours.
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139. They said they have enough
to get warrants for our arrest.
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140. But it wasn't
you guys.
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141. We know that!
What the hell are we gonna do?
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142. Who was
that ex-president guy?
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143. The one
who showed up
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144. and tried to convince everyone
of a ManBearPig?
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145. Mrph rmhmhm rm?
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146. Al Gore.
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147. In my report, you'll see that
Eric Cartman and Kenny McCormick
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148. are believed to have
worked together.
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149. I've issued warrants
for their arrests,
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150. and this case is now
in the hands of the DA.
Copy !req
151. And I am finally going home.
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152. Keep McCormick and Cartman
in separate holding cells,
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153. and don't wait on me
to book 'em.
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154. I'm gonna be playing
"Red Dead Redemption"
for the next 18 hours.
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155. Detective!
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156. Whattt?
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157. There's more dead kids.
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158. Out in the woods
by Stark's Pond.
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159. In the woods?
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160. There was a school shooting
out in the woods?
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161. Outside of school
is the one place
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162. kids are supposed
to be safe.
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163. They're saying
it's really bad, sir.
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164. Need all unites.
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165. God damn it.
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166. If these kids don't stop
killing each other,
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167. I'm gonna shoot them all
myself.
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168. Hello, uh, we're looking
for a government sort
of guy named Al Gore?
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169. Al Gore...?
Al Gore...?
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170. Sounds familiar.
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171. He said he was
almost president once.
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172. He came to our town
to warn us about something,
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173. and we have
to find him.
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174. Oh, yeah.
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175. This looks
like Jim Turner.
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176. Mrph rmhmhm?
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177. The state bowling champion
five years in a row.
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178. You can always
catch him practicing
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179. down at Gramercy Lanes.
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180. Focus.
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181. Calm.
Center.
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182. Yes!
Die!
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183. Die, you pins!
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184. Oh, we've got a straggler,
do we?
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185. You're gonna die
just like the rest of 'em.
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186. Mr. Gore?
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187. Focus.
Calm.
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188. Al Gore?
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189. That's a name I haven't heard
in a long time.
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190. I don't know
if you remember us,
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191. but we're the kids you got to
help try and capture ManBearPig?
Copy !req
192. Well, uh
you were right.
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193. Ha. You — You were
totally right.
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194. ManBearPig is real,
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195. and, uh, he's killing
lots of people in our town.
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196. Oh.
Sucks for you.
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197. Please, Mr. Gore!
We need your help!
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198. ManBearPig
isn't going to stop.
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199. Oh, is it
inconvenient now?
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200. I tried to warn you all,
but no one took me cereal.
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201. You all just made fun of me,
didn't you?
Copy !req
202. Well, now you can just
deal with it yourselves.
Copy !req
203. Please, just tell us —
How do you stop it?
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204. You stop it
all those years ago
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205. when I freaking warned you
and you still had time!
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206. There has to be something
we can still do.
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207. Please, Mr. Gore.
You're the only person
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208. who knows
anything about it.
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209. Say you're sorry
for making fun of me.
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210. We didn't...
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211. We didn't realize
there were more than —
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212. Say you're sorry
for making fun of me.
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213. We're sorry
for making fun of you.
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214. That didn't sound
cereal at all.
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215. You can't just go along
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216. with what people are saying,
Susan, okay?
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217. There's no
scientific proof,
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218. no real evidence
of a ManBearPig.
Copy !req
219. Well, there's a lot
of smart people saying
ManBearPig is real.
Copy !req
220. Yeah, and a lot of smarter
people saying it isn't, okay?
Copy !req
221. What you need to understand,
Susan,
Copy !req
222. is that everyone has an agenda.
Okay?
Copy !req
223. Everyone wants to use
the fear of a ManBearPig
Copy !req
224. to get what they want.
Copy !req
225. So they throw around
bad science, bad taxidermy.
Copy !req
226. People coming
out of the woodwork
Copy !req
227. are now experts
on the subject.
Copy !req
228. But you have to use
your own brain, sweetheart.
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229. You can't just
let people tell you
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230. that if you don't believe
in ManBearPig,
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231. then you don't care
about the world.
Copy !req
232. It is real!
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233. You wanna believe it's real,
you go right on ahead, Susan.
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234. No, it's right there!
It's right there behind you!
Copy !req
235. Okay,
ManBearPig is real.
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236. What are we gonna do
about it now, huh?
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237. What are we gonna do
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238. that's gonna make
any difference now, Susan?
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239. What?
We have to do something!
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240. What can we do that everyone
else will also do, Susan?
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241. Come on, use your brain.
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242. Even if we do
something about it...
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243. what about the Chinese?
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244. They're just gonna keep
right on — Ahghhggh!
Copy !req
245. Oh, thanks guys!
You shouldn't have!
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246. You told us to.
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247. What did you guys
get me?
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248. Oh, wow.
Look!
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249. It's a "You were right
about ManBearPig"
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250. signed picture!
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251. So, um...
Copy !req
252. now maybe we can all
work together, huh?
Copy !req
253. Hang on!
It's movie time!
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254. Go, go!
Start it up.
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255. This is the best party ever.
Copy !req
256. Oh, look, guys.
It's me!
Copy !req
257. There I am,
campaigning to be president!
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258. That's me
with Hillary!
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259. There's more of me
on the campaign trail,
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260. so full of dreams!
Copy !req
261. Oh, look! It's me when I found
out I lost the election!
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262. Boo!
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263. But then look!
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264. There's me getting
an Academy Award!
Copy !req
265. Okay, can we stop
ManBearPig now?
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266. Who said anything
about stopping M.B.P.?
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267. Y-You told us
to do all this.
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268. Yeah, to make up
for ripping on me!
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269. You're still not even
gonna help us?
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270. I've moved on
from this life, okay?
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271. I have a new life now!
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272. I'm a bowler!
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273. And when I'm not bowling,
I help out my gang.
Copy !req
274. They're my family now!
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275. We're wanted in Blackwater,
Copy !req
276. and we have to move
our camp soon!
Copy !req
277. You're playing
Red Dead Redemption 2?
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278. Yeah. It's amazing.
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279. Only thing is,
I have all these stolen items,
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280. and I don't know
how to sell them.
Copy !req
281. We know how.
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282. Oh, really?
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283. No witnesses to the attack
were left alive.
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284. The same bear and pig droppings
were found
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285. along with
human excrement.
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286. I don't believe it.
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287. A school shooting
at an ice cream shop.
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288. Damn it!
When children leave school,
Copy !req
289. they're supposed to be
out of harm's way.
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290. Detective!
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291. Sir, we got word
on the two suspects.
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292. They appear to be
on the run.
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293. I would be, too,
if I were guilty.
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294. No one has seen them
or their two closest friends.
Copy !req
295. A Marsh
and Broflovski.
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296. So, we got us a gang
of shooters, huh?
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297. How the hell hard can it be
to find four boys?
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298. Sir...
Copy !req
299. Why don't you take
a break, sir?
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300. Ehh.
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301. You've been
hittin' it hard.
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302. We'll do all we can
to catch these kids.
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303. Go home,
Copy !req
304. play some
"Red Dead Redemption."
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305. Huh.
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306. Got to admit,
I'd love to see the sun
Copy !req
307. rise over
Citadel Rock again.
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308. And I got me a gal
who claims she's got
Copy !req
309. a side mission or two.
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310. Go on home, sir.
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311. We'll take care
of everything here.
Copy !req
312. This is it.
Copy !req
313. Every piece of information
I ever gathered
Copy !req
314. on ManBearPig.
Copy !req
315. Where did ManBearPig
come from?
Copy !req
316. Is it some sort
of genetic mutation?
Copy !req
317. Oh!
I thought that once, too.
Copy !req
318. I wanted to find
ManBearPig's origins.
Copy !req
319. And so I created this —
the Internet.
Copy !req
320. With that, I was able
to search everywhere
Copy !req
321. for any bit of data.
Copy !req
322. And what I learned is
that ManBearPig...
Copy !req
323. is a demon.
Copy !req
324. Rmphm?
Copy !req
325. This is
"The Temptation of St. Anthony"
Copy !req
326. by Martin Schongauer.
Copy !req
327. It depicts several demons —
Copy !req
328. WolfMonkeyGuy, ChickenFishWoman
and ElephantPorcupineMan,
Copy !req
329. just to name a few.
Copy !req
330. All of them demons sent
by the Devil himself.
Copy !req
331. Oh, my God.
Copy !req
332. What?
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333. I should play "Red Dead"
on this computer,
Copy !req
334. with all three screens.
Copy !req
335. That'd be
so bitchin' sweet.
Copy !req
336. Why did the devil
send ManBearPig?
Copy !req
337. Why does the devil
do anything?
Copy !req
338. He's the freakin' devil.
He's a dick.
Copy !req
339. It's probably too late.
Copy !req
340. By now ManBearPig
is so powerful
Copy !req
341. that the only way
to get rid of him
Copy !req
342. is to send him
back to hell.
Copy !req
343. We're going to have
to do a demonic ritual.
Copy !req
344. All I can say is,
Copy !req
345. you boys better get
to the grocery store,
Copy !req
346. 'cause it's time...
to get cereal.
Copy !req
347. Harrison Yates,
where have ya been?
Copy !req
348. Another school shooting,
Maggie.
Copy !req
349. Down at
Baskin-Robbins.
Copy !req
350. I haven't seen you in days.
I've missed you so much.
Copy !req
351. Come have some supper
with me.
Copy !req
352. Maggie, I just need to relax
a bit, all right?
Copy !req
353. Please.
Copy !req
354. I've been waiting for this
a long time.
Copy !req
355. Just give me a —
Copy !req
356. Wait a minute.
Copy !req
357. The house in Valentine
is built?
Copy !req
358. Where did I get
a sniper rifle?
Copy !req
359. Maggie!
Copy !req
360. Did you play over
my save game?
Copy !req
361. I just played
a little bit.
Copy !req
362. A little bit, you —
On my save game?
Copy !req
363. Why didn't you
start your own?
Copy !req
364. You're never home
anymore!
Copy !req
365. With all these
school shootin's!
Copy !req
366. I need a life,
too, ya know!
Copy !req
367. So I robbed a lumber mill
in Monto's Rest,
Copy !req
368. upgraded my horse,
and got a sniper rifle.
Copy !req
369. That's my life,
Maggie!
Copy !req
370. I was going for
more honor points!
Copy !req
371. God damn it!
Copy !req
372. Why can't we have
a life together?
Copy !req
373. I haven't gotten to play
in three days.
Copy !req
374. You've done all this
stuff without me!
Copy !req
375. You got deputized?
Copy !req
376. Oh, God damn it!
That does it.
Copy !req
377. Where are ya goin'?
Copy !req
378. I'm starting
a new life!
Copy !req
379. I'm creating
a new save game.
Copy !req
380. You can't possibly go
all the way back
Copy !req
381. to the snow level
again!
Copy !req
382. What choice
do I have now?
Copy !req
383. Fuckin' bitch.
Copy !req
384. Abbul abash my-ah.
Copy !req
385. What Satan has
put forth upon this earth
Copy !req
386. may it be summoned
and banished forever.
Copy !req
387. Dude, come on,
what are we doing?
Copy !req
388. This is stupid.
He was right before.
Copy !req
389. We call upon
the powers of darkness.
Copy !req
390. Come on, guys.
We call upon...
Copy !req
391. We call upon
the powers of darkness.
Copy !req
392. Al Gore was right.
Copy !req
393. Al Gore was right
all along.
Copy !req
394. Al Gore was right
all along.
Copy !req
395. We should have
listened to Al Gore.
Copy !req
396. We should have
all listened to Al Gor—
Wait.
Copy !req
397. Wait.
Are you videoing us?
Copy !req
398. It's Instagram live.
Keep going!
Copy !req
399. We should have taken Al Gore
more cereal.
Copy !req
400. All right. All right.
That's enough.
Copy !req
401. You need to stop wasting
our time, dude.
Copy !req
402. People are dying!
Copy !req
403. You don't have a fucking clue
what you're doing!
Copy !req
404. You were saying?
Copy !req
405. Aw, shit!
Copy !req
406. God Damn it!
Nothing!
Copy !req
407. I'm sorry!
I'm sorry!
Copy !req
408. Do you all have any idea
what's it's like to start over?
Copy !req
409. You walk four hours
through the snow
Copy !req
410. relearning everything,
Copy !req
411. all because your bitch wife
went and spent
Copy !req
412. all your hard earned money
on upgrades you didn't want!
Copy !req
413. I get one little break
from work —
Copy !req
414. one little break —
and I didn't even get back
Copy !req
415. to the first brawl
at the saloon.
Copy !req
416. You can actually bypass
that fight
Copy !req
417. if you go hunting
with Dutch.
Copy !req
418. Shut up!
Copy !req
419. These school shootings are done,
you hear me?
Copy !req
420. I want this case closed
by the end of the night,
Copy !req
421. one way or another!
Copy !req
422. Now, let's move out!
Copy !req
423. Here he comes, boys!
Copy !req
424. Prepare yourselves!
Copy !req
425. Who hath summoned me
to this realm?
Copy !req
426. Dude!
You summoned Satan!
Copy !req
427. Yeah no doi!
What'dya think we were doing?
Copy !req
428. Prince of darkness!
It is I, Al Gore!
Copy !req
429. I was almost
president!
Copy !req
430. What do you wish of me,
Al Gore?
Copy !req
431. A demon from Hell
Copy !req
432. has been unleashed
upon our world!
Copy !req
433. We demand
to know its nature!
Copy !req
434. We demand to know
its reason for coming!
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435. There is only one place you can
find the answers you seek!
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436. It is the place
where all knowledge
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437. becomes known!
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438. Your local library.
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439. Ah! You are
correct.
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440. Your local library
is an excellent resource
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441. for whatever
you wish to learn.
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442. Yes, it is.
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443. Then I command
thee, Satan,
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444. to come with us
to the local library!
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445. And I am cereal!
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446. Dude, Satan's not gonna
go with us to the —
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447. Very well, Al Gore.
Let us go!
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448. Yeah, guys!
Guys, over here!
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449. I think I found it.
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450. What you're dealing with
is a Sifter of Fate.
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451. Mrph rmhmhm?
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452. So there's these demons
that, um, actually come
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453. once every few
generations.
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454. They're all about
making deals.
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455. Making deals?
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456. Yeah, check it out.
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457. "The Sifter of Fate thrives
on tempting mankind.
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458. It will always offer a deal
in exchange for mercy,
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459. but the carnage will
be a thousand times worse
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460. when the debt comes due."
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461. Okay, so wait.
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462. Now you're saying
that someone in our town
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463. made a deal
with that thing?
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464. Now it's here to claim
it's part of the bargain.
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465. It's sort of like
when you're part of a gang
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466. feuding with a rival gang,
you know.
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467. You ride around on your horse
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468. thinking it won't all
catch up with you,
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469. but it always does.
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470. You're playing
"Red Dead Redemption," too?
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471. So good, right?
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472. Attention, school shooters!
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473. We have you surrounded!
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474. Come out with your hands up!
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475. Oh, Jesus.
You gotta tell them, Mr. Gore!
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476. Tell them it
wasn't us!
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477. No. They don't
listen to me, kids.
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478. It's up to you
young people now.
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479. You have to find a way to
get people to take this cereal.
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480. You must convince people
there's a ManBearPig,
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481. which Satan told you is
a Fate Sifter demon
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482. that made a deal
with someone in this town!
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483. That's gonna be
impossible.
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484. Yeah, sounds really hard,
doesn't it?
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485. People might not believe you
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486. and, like, make fun
of you and stuff.
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487. Poor you guys, huh?
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488. They are
coming out!
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489. Hands where
we can see em!
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490. Everyone, listen!
ManBearPig is real.
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491. It's a demon that thrives
on making deals
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492. to exploit mankind's
weaknesses.
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493. I am super-duper cereal.
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494. We all have to work together,
you guys. This one time.
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495. We have to all put
our pride aside
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496. and be willing to say,
maybe we were wrong.
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497. All right, lock these
little fuckers up!
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498. No! You can't!
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499. That's it, gentlemen!
Case closed.
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500. Now I've got a God damn
stagecoach to rob
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501. in Scarlett Meadows!
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502. Well done, sir!
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503. No! Noooo!
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504. Please! Somebody made
a deal with ManBearPig!
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505. We have to find out who!
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506. Billy...
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507. what have I done?
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508. What are we gonna do
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509. that's gonna make
any difference now, Susan?
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510. What?
We have to do something!
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511. What can we do that everyone
else will also do, Susan?
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512. Come on, use your brain.
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513. Even if we do
something about it...
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514. what about the Chinese?
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515. They're just gonna keep
right on — Ahghhggh!
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