1. All right.Copy !req
2. Thanks for comin' in todayCopy !req
3. to discuss your daughter's
behavior, m'kay.Copy !req
4. Exactly what kind of trouble is
Shelley in, Mr. Mackey?Copy !req
5. Well, unfortunately,
we found outCopy !req
6. our playground monitor
has been accepting favorsCopy !req
7. to look the other way at recess
and, uh...Copy !req
8. your daughter sent him
an inappropriate picture.Copy !req
9. of her butthole, m'kay.Copy !req
10. Her butthole?
Shelley!Copy !req
11. Why would
the recess monitorCopy !req
12. want a picture
of my daughter's butthole?Copy !req
13. We've been having
a lot of issues at the schoolCopy !req
14. with kids vaping lately,Copy !req
15. and they bribe
the recess monitorCopy !req
16. however they can.Copy !req
17. Jesus Christ!Copy !req
18. How much worse can things
get around here?Copy !req
19. M'kay, but — but there
is good news, m'kay.Copy !req
20. We had the picture analyzed,
and it turns out it wasCopy !req
21. actually just a picture
of a dog's butthole,Copy !req
22. m'kay, that your daughter
claimed was hers.Copy !req
23. M'kay, there it is —
a little fur right there.Copy !req
24. Seriously?
Dog's butthole?Copy !req
25. That's what we're
doing now, huh?Copy !req
26. There's not enough bad things
in the world?Copy !req
27. We get called into school,
here's a dog's butthole for ya.Copy !req
28. That's what it's all
come to, Shelley!Copy !req
29. I'm over it, Sharon.
I am seriously over it.Copy !req
30. Don't you wanna just start over?
Go back to simpler times?Copy !req
31. What do you mean?Copy !req
32. I've had it —
school shootings,Copy !req
33. pieces of shit
taking Ambien and tweeting,Copy !req
34. priests raping kids,
and somehow...Copy !req
35. I'm not laughing anymore.Copy !req
36. Let's do it, Sharon,
what I've always talked about.Copy !req
37. Let's get outta here.Copy !req
38. Go buy a farm
and live off the land.Copy !req
39. Are you being serious?Copy !req
40. I've never been
more serious.Copy !req
41. Hey,
the lights green!Copy !req
42. Shut up, Nelson!Copy !req
43. Let's move out
to the country.Copy !req
44. Go back to simple living
when things mattered,Copy !req
45. like hard work
and tegridy.Copy !req
46. How will we make
a living?Copy !req
47. By growing thingsCopy !req
48. and selling what we make
with our hands.Copy !req
49. We can do this, Sharon.Copy !req
50. It's time.Copy !req
51. Shit...Copy !req
52. So, just like that?Copy !req
53. Your parents sold your house
and everything?Copy !req
54. Yeah, it takes me like an hour
to get to school now.Copy !req
55. It sucks.Copy !req
56. All because Shelley bribed
the playground monitorCopy !req
57. to let her vape
during recess.Copy !req
58. Why would
your sister wantCopy !req
59. to get addicted
to those things?Copy !req
60. Well your little brother
does it too, Kyle.Copy !req
61. What are you
talking about?Copy !req
62. You didn't know?Copy !req
63. The kindergartners
are, like,Copy !req
64. the biggest vapers
at this school.Copy !req
65. Vroom, vroom.Copy !req
66. I am a truck!Copy !req
67. Watch out
for the monster!Copy !req
68. Ike!Copy !req
69. Ike, do you have
a vaping pen?Copy !req
70. Nope.Copy !req
71. Dude! Gimme that!Copy !req
72. Hey!
Gimme back my vaporizer!Copy !req
73. What is this?Copy !req
74. Cherry-flavored nicotine?
Are you joking?Copy !req
75. Aw, come on!
All the kids are doing it.Copy !req
76. Yeah!
I like lemon flavor!Copy !req
77. I like
raspberry!Copy !req
78. Why do you want
nicotine?Copy !req
79. Do you know how hard it is
being a kindergartner?Copy !req
80. We need a break
sometimes!Copy !req
81. These things are bad for you,
do you understand?Copy !req
82. Bad kindergartners!Copy !req
83. Relax, bitch.Copy !req
84. Try some gummy bear
surprise.Copy !req
85. All right.
Where'd you guys get these?Copy !req
86. Mornin', Joe.
How's the farmin'?Copy !req
87. Doing good, neighbor.Copy !req
88. Just planted some
Purple Skunky Kush.Copy !req
89. Harvested the Super Hindu Haze
last week.Copy !req
90. Well that's fine,
Joe, just fine.Copy !req
91. I'm growin' some
Green Willy Stranger myself.Copy !req
92. And the Catatonic Tegridy Bud
is takin' well.Copy !req
93. Well, see ya 'round,
neighbor!Copy !req
94. So long, Joe!Copy !req
95. Kindergartners said
it's some big kidCopy !req
96. in a trench coat.Copy !req
97. Hey, look!Copy !req
98. That's gotta be him.Copy !req
99. What are
you gonna do?Copy !req
100. I'm gonna tell him
if he sells a vape penCopy !req
101. to my brother again,
I'm gonna kick his ass!Copy !req
102. Hey, you!Copy !req
103. Oh! Hey, fellas!Copy !req
104. Butters?Copy !req
105. What are you guys doin?Copy !req
106. Butters,
are you selling vapes?Copy !req
107. Well, sure!
Whatcha lookin' for?Copy !req
108. I've got strawberry, vanilla,
tropical passion —Copy !req
109. - What?
- Tropical passion.Copy !req
110. It's like mango and kiwi.Copy !req
111. Butters, you understand
this stuff isCopy !req
112. an epidemic
at our school?Copy !req
113. Yeah, and at five bucks a pop,
we're gonna be rich!Copy !req
114. Butters,
this is for Kyle.Copy !req
115. Oof!Copy !req
116. Randy, I think we need
to have a talk.Copy !req
117. No time to talk.Copy !req
118. The agricultural inspector's
about to drop by.Copy !req
119. Once we get
certified from him,Copy !req
120. we can start selling
like a real farm.Copy !req
121. Have patience, wife.Copy !req
122. Soon our fortunes
will change.Copy !req
123. Ooh, that must
be him now!Copy !req
124. Yes, I'm with
the State testing board.Copy !req
125. Is this...
Tegridy Farms?Copy !req
126. Name's right there on the sign.
Come on back!Copy !req
127. So, with
this Vestin device,Copy !req
128. I can check not only
the THC levels in your product,Copy !req
129. but also detect any impurities
and give you a final scoreCopy !req
130. based on overall
chemical makeup.Copy !req
131. Yep.Copy !req
132. That's good shit.Copy !req
133. Now let me test the levels
in your organic house blend.Copy !req
134. Yep.
That's good shit.Copy !req
135. Now what about
the Tegridy Jungle Bud?Copy !req
136. Let's test it out.Copy !req
137. Whoa.Copy !req
138. Yeah?Copy !req
139. Whoa.
Yeeeah?Copy !req
140. I don't know
what tegridy is,Copy !req
141. but that is some
good shit!Copy !req
142. All right!Copy !req
143. Butters?Copy !req
144. Why'd you punch me,
Eric?Copy !req
145. I had to!Copy !req
146. I thought
we were partners!Copy !req
147. Butters, next time
when Kyle walks up to youCopy !req
148. and says "Are you
selling vape stuff,"Copy !req
149. You say,
"No, I am not, Kyle."Copy !req
150. You punched me
in the face!Copy !req
151. Butters, we have to be
extra cautious right nowCopy !req
152. or else we're —
hang on, hang on —Copy !req
153. Hang on.Copy !req
154. Hang on.Copy !req
155. Okay, we have to be
extra cautious, Butters.Copy !req
156. The whole operation is
in a period of transition.Copy !req
157. What's that supposed to mean?Copy !req
158. In case you haven't noticed,
we're falling behind.Copy !req
159. We haven't sold enough product
to pay off our overhead.Copy !req
160. The people I bought from
are on my ass!Copy !req
161. Everything costs money,
Butters.Copy !req
162. The pens, the juice,
even that jacket I got you.Copy !req
163. We can't start
getting sloppy now.Copy !req
164. Do you understand?Copy !req
165. Well, I don't know
how this meansCopy !req
166. you can go and punch me
in the face —Copy !req
167. Everything will make sense,
Butters, I told you.Copy !req
168. Just stick
with the plan, okay?Copy !req
169. Did you know that vaping
is way healthierCopy !req
170. than smoking cigarettes?Copy !req
171. All right, everyone!Copy !req
172. Who's ready for some
farm-to-table supper?Copy !req
173. We've got some
hemp milk here...Copy !req
174. hemp-oil and vinegar
bruschetta...Copy !req
175. some hemp seed tabouli.Copy !req
176. And guess what the napkins
are made from?Copy !req
177. Oh, wonder who
that could be.Copy !req
178. Howdy.
What can I do ya for?Copy !req
179. Is this Tegridy Farms?Copy !req
180. Yeah, name's right there
on the sign.Copy !req
181. Our company is interested
in your product.Copy !req
182. We'd like to do some business
with you.Copy !req
183. Really?
Hey, that'd be great!Copy !req
184. What kind of company —Copy !req
185. We're one of the top
vape companiesCopy !req
186. in the state.Copy !req
187. We'd like to add your product
to our line.Copy !req
188. Oh, no. Sorry.Copy !req
189. I don't want my Tegridy Bud
put in those pussy sticks.Copy !req
190. Pussy sticks?Copy !req
191. Yeah, you know —Copy !req
192. penis pen, wussy vape,
lady joints.Copy !req
193. Not on my farm,
no sirree.Copy !req
194. You got a problem
with vaping?Copy !req
195. It's cleaner and healthier
than traditional smoking!Copy !req
196. That's nice.Copy !req
197. Now, hows about
you take that pussy stickCopy !req
198. and get off my farm
before I shove it up your assCopy !req
199. and you're blowing mist
out your butthole.Copy !req
200. All right.Copy !req
201. You can be
a part of progressCopy !req
202. or you can get
run over by it.Copy !req
203. Yeah, whatever.Copy !req
204. All you're doin' is
blowin' smoke —Copy !req
205. Sorry, "fruity steam."
Pussy.Copy !req
206. What happened
to your accent?Copy !req
207. Go vape some more,
ya fuckin' puss.Copy !req
208. You'll be sorry!Copy !req
209. I need to speak
with the principal.Copy !req
210. Okay.
What is it regarding?Copy !req
211. I'd rather just
talk to him.Copy !req
212. Right through there,
you're second in line.Copy !req
213. - Oh, hey, Kyle.
- Hi, Kyle!Copy !req
214. What are you up to?Copy !req
215. You know
what I'm up to.Copy !req
216. Okay, cool.
But come check this out.Copy !req
217. This is really cool —
Don't touch me.Copy !req
218. Just come — No, just come see.
D-D-Don't touch me.Copy !req
219. This is really coolCopy !req
220. You know, Kyle,
people all need a way to relax.Copy !req
221. And there's no proof
that vaping is that bad for you.Copy !req
222. You're selling it
to kindergartners!Copy !req
223. Kindergartners need a break,
too, Kyle!Copy !req
224. You know they
took away their nap time.Copy !req
225. You're such penises.
Would you ratherCopy !req
226. the kindergartners
smoke cigarettes?Copy !req
227. Would you rather they drank?
That's not good!Copy !req
228. Kyle! Kyle, Kyle!
Okay, okay!Copy !req
229. Just please listen,
all right?Copy !req
230. The truth is...
we want out.Copy !req
231. Butters and I thought we
could just make some easy money.Copy !req
232. but you gotta pay off
the sixth graders,Copy !req
233. then you gotta pay off
the recess monitorCopy !req
234. to look the other way.Copy !req
235. We're in deep, Kyle.Copy !req
236. Just let us sell enough
to get out of debt,Copy !req
237. And we will stop,
I swear it.Copy !req
238. You're so full of shit.Copy !req
239. Come on, Kyle.
We all make mistakes.Copy !req
240. Did you already forget
last week?Copy !req
241. You know...Copy !req
242. Ronan Farrow was here
asking about you.Copy !req
243. Ronan Farrow?
No, he wasn't.Copy !req
244. Yes, Kyle.
He was right over there!Copy !req
245. Just, please,
give us two daysCopy !req
246. to make back the money we need
to get out from under this,Copy !req
247. and we will stop.Copy !req
248. You have my word.Copy !req
249. Fine. But no more pushing it
on little kids, you got that?Copy !req
250. Okay. I'll focus my marketing
another direction.Copy !req
251. Thank you, Kyle.Copy !req
252. What ya doin', Joe?Copy !req
253. Oh, hey, Randy!
We, uh, we sold the farm.Copy !req
254. Just like that, huh?Copy !req
255. You gonna let those people
with pussy sticksCopy !req
256. take over everything?Copy !req
257. Yeah.
They paid us great!Copy !req
258. My wife and I are gonna move
to Maui!Copy !req
259. Oh.Copy !req
260. Well, I hope you didn't
pack your tegridy.Copy !req
261. 'Cause clearly...
your tegridy ain't goin'.Copy !req
262. Are you still here?Copy !req
263. I-I didn't know
chickens wore suspenders.Copy !req
264. Agh.Copy !req
265. Man, am I feeling tired!Copy !req
266. All this hard work
at school?Copy !req
267. Yeah! I wish I had
a little pick-me-up!Copy !req
268. Something fresh and fruity
to go with my lunch!Copy !req
269. Just stop. It's so obvious
what you guys are doing.Copy !req
270. It sounds so great right now!Copy !req
271. Can anyone help with some
fun, fruity flavors?Copy !req
272. Oh, yeah!Copy !req
273. Hey, guys,
it's the Vaping Man!Copy !req
274. What are you doing here,
Vaping Man?Copy !req
275. I'm here to offer
my fun, fruity flavorsCopy !req
276. in a refreshing mist.Copy !req
277. Vaping?
Hey, that's bad for you.Copy !req
278. Vaping's only
for cool kids.Copy !req
279. Can I talk to you
for a second?Copy !req
280. Sure, Kyle.
What is this about?Copy !req
281. Can I talk to you
over here?Copy !req
282. Well, of course.Copy !req
283. What did I say about pushing it
on little kids?Copy !req
284. How is this pushing it
on little kids, Kyle?Copy !req
285. Fun, fruity Vaping Man?Copy !req
286. It's marketing!Copy !req
287. Kyle, we have to make the money
to pay off our dealer.Copy !req
288. How else are we supposed
to do it?Copy !req
289. All right, how much
do you owe the dealer?Copy !req
290. Why?
How much?Copy !req
291. Isn't this great, Stan?Copy !req
292. Living off the land.Copy !req
293. No, it sucks.
I hate this.Copy !req
294. I wanna go back home.Copy !req
295. Well, you see that?
We're talkin' now.Copy !req
296. When was the last time
we really talked like this?Copy !req
297. I hate you so much.Copy !req
298. I think we're having
a breakthrough moment.Copy !req
299. I want to give
you something, son.Copy !req
300. Something I made
that I want you to have.Copy !req
301. It's a hemp hat.
No.Copy !req
302. Come on.
Let's just see how it fits.Copy !req
303. Please, no.Copy !req
304. Here just — just look.
Just try it.Copy !req
305. There you go,Copy !req
306. and thanks for shopping
at Big Vape.Copy !req
307. That's him.Copy !req
308. That's my guy.Copy !req
309. There you are.
You got my money?Copy !req
310. Kyle.Copy !req
311. Look, my friend
is very stupidCopy !req
312. and should have never gone
into business with you.Copy !req
313. Who are you?Copy !req
314. I'm just seeing if I can
help settle things.Copy !req
315. You probably
don't realize it,Copy !req
316. but vaping is a really big
problem at our school.Copy !req
317. Look, I'm just filling
a jobCopy !req
318. that somebody else
would fill, all right?Copy !req
319. Okay, look,
this is the money I've saved upCopy !req
320. from my past
three birthdays.Copy !req
321. Can we call this even
and end it?Copy !req
322. Aw, come on, man.Copy !req
323. I don't want to take
your birthday money.Copy !req
324. Whoa.
Hey, dude.Copy !req
325. Why is there
a dead hooker next to you?Copy !req
326. What?
What?Copy !req
327. Dude, that is a dead hooker.
What are you doing with it?Copy !req
328. I'm calling the cops!Copy !req
329. You just put
that dead hooker there.Copy !req
330. Cartman,
what are you doing?Copy !req
331. There's a dead hooker
at the vape store!Copy !req
332. There!Copy !req
333. Ow!
Oh, shit!Copy !req
334. Get the vaporizers
and the cash!Copy !req
335. Get the cash, Kyle!Copy !req
336. W-What —
What are you doing?Copy !req
337. Just get the —
Oh, shit! Ronan Farrow!
What?Copy !req
338. Cartman get the stuff
and the cash!Copy !req
339. Ronan Farrow, Kyle!
We got to get out of here!Copy !req
340. Bless us, Lord,
and our little cannabis farm.Copy !req
341. And may we always keep
our tegridy.Copy !req
342. Amen.Copy !req
343. So, how was
everyone's day?Copy !req
344. Uh, well, not great.Copy !req
345. Uh, Stan got caught
with a vaping pen.Copy !req
346. With a what?Copy !req
347. You know, those littleCopy !req
348. pen and cartridge things
with the mist?Copy !req
349. Stan had a vape pen?Copy !req
350. You had a fucking vaping—
Get up to your room right now!Copy !req
351. Way to underreact,
Sharon!Copy !req
352. Where did you get this?Copy !req
353. It's not mine.
I took it from a kindergartner.Copy !req
354. Yeah, right.Copy !req
355. My own son
using a pussy stick.Copy !req
356. Don't you know what these things
are doing to our way of life?Copy !req
357. I've had enough!Copy !req
358. What are you gonna do?Copy !req
359. You think I'm just gonna
stand aroundCopy !req
360. while they destroy
my family?Copy !req
361. We've worked
this farm and this landCopy !req
362. for over four days.Copy !req
363. I'm not about to let
some vape queensCopy !req
364. take it all away
from us.Copy !req
365. Oh, hello, Kyle!Copy !req
366. Mr. Mackey, I need
to talk to youCopy !req
367. about some things
going on at school.Copy !req
368. M'kay.
Like what?Copy !req
369. Oh, hi, Kyle!Copy !req
370. Hey, Kyle!Copy !req
371. We were just talking
to the counselorCopy !req
372. about some college
opportunities.Copy !req
373. What are you doing here?Copy !req
374. You know what I'm doing here!Copy !req
375. Okay, well, we really
should talk first, Kyle.
No.Copy !req
376. Mr. Mackey, there's
a big operation going
on at the school.Copy !req
377. Kyle, things have changed.
You need to listen.Copy !req
378. and you need to know
what's going on!
You need to hear this!Copy !req
379. What?
We'll be right back,
Mr. Mackey.Copy !req
380. M'kay!Copy !req
381. Let go of me!Copy !req
382. Kyle, listen.
It's bad.Copy !req
383. What's bad?Copy !req
384. The guy we tried to frame
at the vape shop.Copy !req
385. He was the one who
the sixth graders
got their shit from.Copy !req
386. The sixth graders
are pissed at us, Kyle.Copy !req
387. We have to break
into the vape shopCopy !req
388. and steal enough stuff to make
the sixth graders happy.Copy !req
389. You guys decided
to beat up the dealer.Copy !req
390. Yeah, but the sixth graders
know you were there!
How?Copy !req
391. 'Cause Eric
told them!Copy !req
392. We are all in this
together, Kyle!Copy !req
393. We got to rob
the vape shop,Copy !req
394. and then we can put this
all behind us.Copy !req
395. Please, Kyle, we still got
to pay people off.Copy !req
396. Oh, yeah!Copy !req
397. Hey, bitches!
Where's my mother fuckin' money?Copy !req
398. Run!
Aah!Copy !req
399. Randy,
where are you going?Copy !req
400. Gonna go fight
for my children's future.Copy !req
401. All right, you bunch
of vape-smoking pussies.Copy !req
402. You try and take my way of life?Copy !req
403. Time to show you some tegridy.Copy !req
404. Tegridy?
What's tegridy?Copy !req
405. Yeah!Copy !req
406. Ow!Copy !req
407. Ouch! Hey!Copy !req
408. Hyah!
Hyah!Copy !req
409. Owie!Copy !req
410. Get your stupid mist
out of my fucking face!Copy !req
411. Hey!
I like to vape.Copy !req
412. You think I'm a pussy?Copy !req
413. Yup.Copy !req
414. Ow!Copy !req
415. Wow. You're so smart to think
of a siphon, Kyle!Copy !req
416. Just shut up
and keep pumping.Copy !req
417. What are you kids doing?Copy !req
418. Aw, shit!Copy !req
419. You little hoodlums
break in through the window?Copy !req
420. I ought to break
your little legs!Copy !req
421. I don't think so.Copy !req
422. Mr. Marsh.Copy !req
423. Just what the Sam hell
you boys doing here?Copy !req
424. All right, listen.Copy !req
425. I should have talked
to an adult from the beginning.Copy !req
426. Kyle,
what are you doing?Copy !req
427. There are these three big vaping
syndicates at our school,Copy !req
428. and these guys
are one of them.
Kyle, no, no, no, no.Copy !req
429. They had someone buying stuff
from here for them,Copy !req
430. and then they sold it to kids.Copy !req
431. Okay, Kyle,
I'm calling Ronan Farrow.Copy !req
432. The sixth graders, these guys,
and Becky ThompsonCopy !req
433. are all at each other
for control of the playground.Copy !req
434. Hello, Ronan?
Eric Cartman. Yeah, hey.Copy !req
435. I was going to tell an adult,
but these guys said they'd stop.Copy !req
436. So, you know Kyle? Yeah, well,
you're right about him.Copy !req
437. It's good
you came clean, son.Copy !req
438. It shows
that you've got —Copy !req
439. Didn't your mommy
teach youCopy !req
440. it doesn't pay
to mess with progress?Copy !req
441. Yeah. She taught me
somethin' else, too.Copy !req
442. If you're gonna fight
for your tegridy,Copy !req
443. don't forget
to bring a towel.Copy !req
444. Vape on this, bitch!Copy !req
445. Yeah!Copy !req
446. Take that, stupid vaping!Copy !req
447. Move it, boys!
Come on! Go, go, go!Copy !req
448. Does this mean we're out
of the vaping business, fellas?Copy !req
449. Well, shit.Copy !req
450. Looks like we made it
to another sunrise.Copy !req
451. Oh, God. This is just gonna
get worse, isn't it?Copy !req
452. Yup, son. I think the fight's
just startin'.Copy !req
453. Farmers like us
are under attack.Copy !req
454. Yupper.
We gots a lot of work to do.Copy !req
455. We can't let 'em take
what makes us special.Copy !req
456. Tegridy Weed
from Tegridy Farms.Copy !req
457. Made with a little
Colorado tegridy.Copy !req
458. Comin' soon
to a dispensary near you.Copy !req
459. Whoa.Copy !req
460. Yeah?Copy !req
461. Whoa.
Yeeeah?Copy !req
462. I don't know
what tegridy is,Copy !req
463. but that is some
good shit!Copy !req
464. All right!Copy !req