1. Come on, guys.
We don't wanna be late.Copy !req
2. Do I have to go? It's the only
day I get to play games.Copy !req
3. We're all going.
Come on.Copy !req
4. I don't understand why we have
to go to church every Sunday.Copy !req
5. Church is important,
Stan.Copy !req
6. Way more important
than video games and TV.Copy !req
7. Church is about community
and coming together —Copy !req
8. a lot of things.Copy !req
9. All I know is that after church,
I just feel better.Copy !req
10. Yeah.
Me, too.Copy !req
11. Hey, mornin', Stephen,
Linda!Copy !req
12. Morning, guys.Copy !req
13. Oh, thanks, there, Randy.Copy !req
14. You got it.
Where's Josie?Copy !req
15. Aw, she slipped her disc
in her neck.Copy !req
16. Poor thing
can barely move.Copy !req
17. Aw, she's gonna miss church?
That's too bad.Copy !req
18. Give her my best.Copy !req
19. For God so loved the worldCopy !req
20. that he gave
his only begotten sonCopy !req
21. so that whoever believed in him
should have eternal life.Copy !req
22. This is the gospel of the Lord.Copy !req
23. Praise to you,
Lord Jesus Christ.Copy !req
24. Today's gospel talks about
what the Lord has to give us.Copy !req
25. He did so because we could not
control our temptations.Copy !req
26. Kind of like a priest
in a room full of naked boys.Copy !req
27. Okay. Okay.Copy !req
28. Let's — let's try and have
none of that today.Copy !req
29. In John 3:16, the gospel tells
us how God so loved the world,Copy !req
30. he gave to us his only son.Copy !req
31. And a Catholic priest
raped him.Copy !req
32. Okay, okay.
Come — Come on, guys.Copy !req
33. N-Now, what greater gift
could the Lord have given to us?Copy !req
34. Children's underwearCopy !req
35. which priests couldn't
pull down so easily.Copy !req
36. Okay. Let's — Let's try
and compose ourselves.Copy !req
37. Let's try and just get through
this first one, okay, guys?Copy !req
38. What does it mean that the Lord
gave us his only begotten son?Copy !req
39. It means
if you're a cute boyCopy !req
40. at a Catholic priest
swimming party,Copy !req
41. you better be gettin'!Copy !req
42. Oh, that was a great one,
Nelson.Copy !req
43. Salvation
in a little boy's mouth.Copy !req
44. I'm gonna post that one
for sure.Copy !req
45. Who said the thing
about naked boy salad?Copy !req
46. Oh, that was Linda!Copy !req
47. Well, see ya next week,
everybody!Copy !req
48. - Yeah! See ya!
- All right. Take it easy, now!Copy !req
49. - Bye.
- That was good.Copy !req
50. I really don't understand
the point of all that.Copy !req
51. Yeah, well, I used
to think that about churchCopy !req
52. when I was a kid,
too.Copy !req
53. But back then, I don't know
if church was that stupid.Copy !req
54. Hey, don't say
things like that, Stan.Copy !req
55. You wanna go
to fuckin' hell?Copy !req
56. Father,
can I talk to you?Copy !req
57. Of course, my child.
What's troubling you?Copy !req
58. Well,
what's troubling you?Copy !req
59. You know, at school,
the kids usedCopy !req
60. to all make fun
of me sometimes.Copy !req
61. One kid would say
something mean,Copy !req
62. and then the other kids
would laugh.Copy !req
63. I know how lousy
it feels.Copy !req
64. I learned
to just walk away,Copy !req
65. not give 'em
all the satisfaction.Copy !req
66. Well, we can't all
walk away.Copy !req
67. The — The priesthood
is all I know.Copy !req
68. I-I dedicated
my entire life to it.Copy !req
69. I don't know
anything else.Copy !req
70. I know it seems
impossible.Copy !req
71. I thought I'd be a punching bag
my whole life,Copy !req
72. but now, I'm one
of the popular kids.Copy !req
73. I even get invitedCopy !req
74. to board game night
at Stan's house.Copy !req
75. My point is,
sometimes,Copy !req
76. y-you just gotta
put yourself out there.Copy !req
77. I wanna be Calamity Jane
this time.Copy !req
78. How many cards
do you start with, Kenny?Copy !req
79. Two cards.Copy !req
80. Oh.
There's Butters!Copy !req
81. Oh, hey, fellas!Copy !req
82. I hope you don't mind
I brought a friend.Copy !req
83. Come on in!Copy !req
84. Uh, hello, my children.Copy !req
85. Okay, so, I-I guess
I'm gonna go to the saloonCopy !req
86. and try
to arrest Cartman.Copy !req
87. Let's see what you got,
bitch.Copy !req
88. So, Kyle, did you know
Father is a really good singer?Copy !req
89. You like to sing, too,
don't you?Copy !req
90. No.Copy !req
91. Praise the Lord
for the Lord is good.Copy !req
92. Sing praise to his name,
for that is pleasant.Copy !req
93. Ace.
You lose.Copy !req
94. Hey, Stan.Copy !req
95. Have you seen my —Copy !req
96. No way!Copy !req
97. Hang on! Hang on!
I gotta post this!Copy !req
98. I shouldn't be here.Copy !req
99. This is hilarious.Copy !req
100. Four boys and a priest
playing a board game!Copy !req
101. Aw, Father wait a —
I should go.Copy !req
102. No, no, no wait.
Let me get the picture.Copy !req
103. Father!Copy !req
104. Aw, shit!
I missed it.Copy !req
105. Ugh.Copy !req
106. Why did you invite Butters
to game night?Copy !req
107. I didn't invite him.Copy !req
108. Come on, Father.
You can't give up so fast!Copy !req
109. This is just gonna
make things way worse.Copy !req
110. People will rip on me.Copy !req
111. Who cares?
Who cares what people say?Copy !req
112. I do.Copy !req
113. Aw, come on.
You gotta be strong!Copy !req
114. Why do you care?Copy !req
115. Because I was you.
Okay?Copy !req
116. I wasn't always this cool.
I've been through it.Copy !req
117. But then, one day,
somebody told me something.Copy !req
118. He said, "Life is full of love
and light and bountiful things,"Copy !req
119. and you know
who told me that?Copy !req
120. You did!
Two years ago in church!Copy !req
121. You have a right
to go and be happy,Copy !req
122. and if people wanna
keep trying to knock you down,Copy !req
123. well, fuck 'em!Copy !req
124. Hey.
Morning, Mackey.Copy !req
125. Happy Sunday!
Mornin', Ted, Hazel.Copy !req
126. Mornin'! Mornin'!Copy !req
127. Mornin'! Mornin'!Copy !req
128. Ah, doin' better.
huh, Josie?Copy !req
129. A lot better,
thank you.Copy !req
130. All right.Copy !req
131. Huh.Copy !req
132. What the...?Copy !req
133. It's not open.Copy !req
134. Let me try.Copy !req
135. Hey!
Hey, it's 9:00! Hey!Copy !req
136. What's going on?Copy !req
137. Ohhhhh!Copy !req
138. There's no church
today!Copy !req
139. You all are just gonna have
to find something better to do!Copy !req
140. Hey.Copy !req
141. Hey!
Open the door!Copy !req
142. Hey!
Come on!Copy !req
143. Well, this sucks.Copy !req
144. What are we supposed to do
without church?Copy !req
145. I just feel
so empty.Copy !req
146. What are you guys
so upset about?Copy !req
147. Shut up, Shelly!Copy !req
148. Isn't this great,
Father?Copy !req
149. Fresh, mountain air.Copy !req
150. Nice, warm fire.Copy !req
151. I have to admit, it's a pretty
nice way to spend a Sunday.Copy !req
152. How many are your works,
Lord?Copy !req
153. In wisdom,
you made them all.Copy !req
154. Yeah.
The Lord's pretty cool.Copy !req
155. He is...Copy !req
156. because
he brought me you.Copy !req
157. Denver Archdiocese.
The Lord be with you.Copy !req
158. And with your spirit,
m'kay.Copy !req
159. Uh, my name
is counselor Mackey,Copy !req
160. and w-we seem to be having
a little problemCopy !req
161. with our local church
here in South Park.Copy !req
162. Our, uh — our priest
has gone missing.Copy !req
163. Oh, not another one!Copy !req
164. All right.
Listen to me carefully.Copy !req
165. Your local priest
has not done anything wrong.Copy !req
166. Probably just taking
some time off.Copy !req
167. Why is that suspicious?Copy !req
168. Well,
it's not suspicious.Copy !req
169. We just kind of don't know
what to do, you know?Copy !req
170. We'll take care of it.Copy !req
171. There's no need
to involve the authorities.Copy !req
172. Just sit tight.Copy !req
173. Send in a clean-up crew now.Copy !req
174. We've got another one.Copy !req
175. A priest in South Park
has gone rogueCopy !req
176. and is probably out
doing his thing.Copy !req
177. I need you guys to get up there
and clean up his mess.Copy !req
178. Don't worry,
Your Holiness.Copy !req
179. By the time we're done
with that town,Copy !req
180. there won't be a lick of cum
anywhere.Copy !req
181. Happy Birthday, Clyde!Copy !req
182. Hope you don't mind
I brought a friend!Copy !req
183. For we are God's handiwork,
created in Christ JesusCopy !req
184. to do good works.Copy !req
185. Dude, what are you
talking about?Copy !req
186. Come on, Father!Copy !req
187. Let's go tear up
the skating rink!Copy !req
188. Just leave it alone,
Clyde.Copy !req
189. Butters brings him
everywhere.Copy !req
190. I don't care.Copy !req
191. I don't want a priest
at my fucking birthday party!Copy !req
192. It's all right, Clyde.
It's all right.Copy !req
193. That's it!
You're doin' great!Copy !req
194. Oh, aah!Copy !req
195. Oh, Mother Mary.Copy !req
196. I feel like everyone's
staring at me.Copy !req
197. Nobody's staring!Copy !req
198. I'm gonna go get us
some soda pop.Copy !req
199. You just mingle
with the other fellas!Copy !req
200. What's it all about, huh?Copy !req
201. Are we just bags
of carbon and waterCopy !req
202. put on this planet
for no purpose?Copy !req
203. You're born.Copy !req
204. You die.Copy !req
205. Then you're just
food for the worms.Copy !req
206. It all does seem
pretty meaningless.Copy !req
207. Hey!
The church is back open!Copy !req
208. There's people inside!Copy !req
209. - What?
- They church is back open?Copy !req
210. Oh, boy! Let's go!
Let's go!Copy !req
211. - The church is back open!
- Thank God! Let's go!Copy !req
212. Scrub everything.Copy !req
213. Police can detectCopy !req
214. even a milligram of cum
and rectal blood.Copy !req
215. Hey!Copy !req
216. Oh.
Uh, hello, my children.Copy !req
217. The Lord be with you.Copy !req
218. And with your spirit.Copy !req
219. What, uh, what are
you guys doing?Copy !req
220. Oh, we're just giving the place
a nice scrub downCopy !req
221. while we wait
for your priest to come back.Copy !req
222. He was called
to South America last week.Copy !req
223. Last week?Copy !req
224. No, he was at my house
a couple days agoCopy !req
225. playing board games
with the boys.Copy !req
226. No, he wasn't.Copy !req
227. Look.
I assure you everything is fine.Copy !req
228. Your priest will be back.
Just have some patience.Copy !req
229. Aw!Copy !req
230. Come on,
guys.Copy !req
231. Scrub everything.Copy !req
232. Bleach those
board-game pieces.Copy !req
233. You find something
on that chair?Copy !req
234. It's either blood and cum
or ketchup and mayo.Copy !req
235. Well,
just get rid of it.Copy !req
236. Bleach the entire
top of the table.Copy !req
237. That's probably
where he mounted them.Copy !req
238. Uh, excuse me?Copy !req
239. Oh. Hello, my son.Copy !req
240. What are you doing?Copy !req
241. What are we doing
about what?Copy !req
242. Well, I mean,
it looks likeCopy !req
243. you're scrubbing and bleaching
our table and chairs.Copy !req
244. Mnh-mnh.
That's not what's going on.Copy !req
245. Your local priest was
never here, actually.Copy !req
246. Yeah, he was.
I played with him.Copy !req
247. Oh, you did?Copy !req
248. Better get the Kumby.Copy !req
249. What's a Kumby?Copy !req
250. We're just here to cleanse
your spirit, my child.Copy !req
251. Praise be to Christ.Copy !req
252. Yay!Copy !req
253. And now,
let us pray.Copy !req
254. Awwww.Copy !req
255. Bless us, Oh Lord,
and these thy gifts,Copy !req
256. which we are about
to receive...Copy !req
257. Kyle, will you do something,
please?Copy !req
258. Psalm 78:26 — He caused the
east wind to blow in the
heavens-Copy !req
259. - Why me?Copy !req
260. - Kyle!Copy !req
261. through Christ,
Our Lord. Amen.Copy !req
262. Uh, Butters, can I talk
to you really fast?Copy !req
263. Oh, sure, Kyle.
Be right back, Father.Copy !req
264. All right, my child.Copy !req
265. What's up?Copy !req
266. Butters, you know,Copy !req
267. you can't just bring your priest
with you everywhere.Copy !req
268. I mean, sometimes the guys
just wanna do stuffCopy !req
269. and not have
a priest around.Copy !req
270. What are you saying,
Kyle?Copy !req
271. I'm saying it's just
kind of awkward, Butters.Copy !req
272. He's bumming
everybody out.Copy !req
273. Nobody wants to hear about Jesus
at a birthday party.Copy !req
274. Well, of course
you don't.Copy !req
275. It's not just me.
It's everybody, Butters.Copy !req
276. He can try all he wants,
but he just doesn't belong here.Copy !req
277. Well, I'm sorry
for trying to help outCopy !req
278. somebody who didn't have
anywhere else to turn.Copy !req
279. We'll both just leave.Copy !req
280. I thought you were better
than that, Kyle.Copy !req
281. All right, clean and scrub
everything.Copy !req
282. I want it spotless!Copy !req
283. Get any evidence the priest
might have left behind.Copy !req
284. There's something
over here.Copy !req
285. But I can't tell
if it's cum or frosting.Copy !req
286. It's an 8-year-old's
birthday party.Copy !req
287. Of course it's cum.
Get the Kumby!Copy !req
288. Praise be
to Christ.Copy !req
289. Hello, young man.Copy !req
290. We're looking
for your town priest.Copy !req
291. Was he here?Copy !req
292. Yeah, but he left
with Butters.Copy !req
293. Tell me about
this Butters.Copy !req
294. All right,
that does it!Copy !req
295. Get outta
my birthday party,Copy !req
296. or else I'm gonna call
the police!Copy !req
297. Father!Copy !req
298. Father?Copy !req
299. Has anybody seen
my priest?Copy !req
300. Father,
where'd you go?Copy !req
301. There you are!
I been lookin' everywhere.Copy !req
302. Just leave me alone.Copy !req
303. But you're missin'
the party.Copy !req
304. Look, your friends
are right, okay?Copy !req
305. I don't belong there.Copy !req
306. I-I don't belong anywhere.Copy !req
307. They just don't understand you
like I do.Copy !req
308. Stop defending me!
There's things you don't know!Copy !req
309. But it's
not your fault.Copy !req
310. Yes, it is.
It is my fault!
Why?Copy !req
311. Because I knew!
All right?Copy !req
312. I knew.Copy !req
313. Years ago,Copy !req
314. when bad things started coming
out about the Catholic Church,Copy !req
315. I went to Vatican,
and I — I found outCopy !req
316. that the problem was worse
than anyone even thought.Copy !req
317. I thought I could help fix it,
so I kept my mouth shut.Copy !req
318. I thought there was
a cancer in the ChurchCopy !req
319. that we could
get rid of.Copy !req
320. But the Church
is the cancer.Copy !req
321. It's not about
a few bad apples.Copy !req
322. There's only
a few good apples,Copy !req
323. and I'm clearly not
one of them.Copy !req
324. So just stay away
from me!Copy !req
325. But... I thought
we were pals.Copy !req
326. You thought wrong.Copy !req
327. Hey.Copy !req
328. Hey, there.Copy !req
329. What's the matter,
my child?Copy !req
330. Did you know
that Jesus loves you?Copy !req
331. Sometimes I wonder.Copy !req
332. "And the life
I now live in the fleshCopy !req
333. I live by faith in
the Son of God, who loved me."Copy !req
334. Wanna Three Musketeers?Copy !req
335. No, thanks.Copy !req
336. You like camping trips?
You wanna go camping?Copy !req
337. No.Copy !req
338. I got a bunny in the back.
You wanna see the bunny?Copy !req
339. Well, okay!Copy !req
340. Stan?Copy !req
341. I have no idea
what's going on.Copy !req
342. Worst birthday ever!Copy !req
343. Boring.Copy !req
344. Dumb.Copy !req
345. Stupid.Copy !req
346. Good, but dated in its view
of gender norms.Copy !req
347. Ugh.Copy !req
348. Hello, Mr. Marsh.Copy !req
349. Father!Copy !req
350. Hey, Sharon,
it's Father!Copy !req
351. - Mr. Marsh, please —
- He's back!Copy !req
352. Father's back!Copy !req
353. I'm just going aroundCopy !req
354. trying to locate
little Butters Stotch.Copy !req
355. I thought
he might be hereCopy !req
356. playing a board game
with your son?Copy !req
357. Oh, no, I haven't seen Butters.
Or Stan.Copy !req
358. But, Father, please,
we all need church.Copy !req
359. I'm sorry, but I have
to keep looking.Copy !req
360. I said
some terrible things.Copy !req
361. Please, Father,
we're all lost,Copy !req
362. and the clean-up crew
hasn't helped at all.Copy !req
363. What clean-up crew?Copy !req
364. Any sign of him?Copy !req
365. No, but this
should draw him out.Copy !req
366. The cute one says
it's whereCopy !req
367. he and the priest
first got together.Copy !req
368. All right.
When the priest gets here,Copy !req
369. we'll take care of himCopy !req
370. and then eradicate this
entire place of any evidence.Copy !req
371. Should I bring out
the Kumby?Copy !req
372. No, this is gonna be
a bigger job than that.Copy !req
373. Bring out
the Cumboni.Copy !req
374. Hey, Randy,
what's up?Copy !req
375. Stephen!Copy !req
376. Stephen, listen —
The boys are missing.Copy !req
377. Father Maxi thinks they've been
taken by the other priests!Copy !req
378. Taken by priests?Copy !req
379. Should we call the police
or buy some condoms?Copy !req
380. Okay.
O-Okay, that was good.Copy !req
381. But, seriously,
we have to find these guys!Copy !req
382. The boys are in danger!Copy !req
383. But where would priests go
this late at night?Copy !req
384. To a midnight sale
at Boys-R-Us?Copy !req
385. Wha— What'd she say?Copy !req
386. She said, "to a midnight sale
at Boys-R-Us."Copy !req
387. Can — Can I post that?Copy !req
388. Sure, she doesn't care.Copy !req
389. Give me that!Copy !req
390. Mr. Stotch, have you heard
from Butters at all?Copy !req
391. Well, yeah, we got
a really weird text from himCopy !req
392. saying not to worry,
he needed to do some camping.Copy !req
393. Oh, my Lord.
I know where to go.Copy !req
394. And when we get there...Copy !req
395. I'll need to go in alone.Copy !req
396. Yeah, I'll bet.Copy !req
397. He's not showing up.Copy !req
398. Clean Up Bishop:
Try the Priest Call.Copy !req
399. I love Jesus!Copy !req
400. I love Jesus!Copy !req
401. I don't think he's coming.Copy !req
402. Oh, he's coming all right,
just not here.Copy !req
403. Let's start packing up.Copy !req
404. You — Get on the Cumboni
and eradicate this placeCopy !req
405. along with
everything in it.Copy !req
406. Yes, Your Holiness.Copy !req
407. Priest Maxi:
Wait!Copy !req
408. Father.Copy !req
409. You wanted to find me.
Well, here I am.Copy !req
410. I know why you're here.Copy !req
411. The church can't have
someone like meCopy !req
412. going around,
making it look bad.Copy !req
413. So go ahead.
Do it.Copy !req
414. Just get it over with.Copy !req
415. What?
No!Copy !req
416. You think we searched
all over townCopy !req
417. and set up this trap
to kill you?Copy !req
418. We're Catholics.Copy !req
419. We're here to give you
what you deserve.Copy !req
420. A full transfer to
the beautiful Maldive Islands!Copy !req
421. Luxury airfare
and beach house included!Copy !req
422. A transfer?Copy !req
423. The church took care
of everything,Copy !req
424. just like it always has
from the beginning.Copy !req
425. "Thank you for cleaning up
all my cum."Copy !req
426. I can just go?Copy !req
427. I can start over
in the Maldives?Copy !req
428. No one will
make fun of you there.Copy !req
429. They can't even
speak English.Copy !req
430. And don't worry —
there'll be plenty of priestsCopy !req
431. to take your place here.Copy !req
432. Look, I know it's a big change,
but...Copy !req
433. you know
what you have to do.Copy !req
434. Yes, I do.Copy !req
435. I don't think
I have any other choice.Copy !req
436. No.
He can't.Copy !req
437. Well, our work here
is done!Copy !req
438. Praise be to Christ,
guys.Copy !req
439. It certainly was
a tough one,Copy !req
440. but I think we got everything
cleaned up and —Copy !req
441. - Aaaah!
- The Cumboni!Copy !req
442. Aah!
Aaaaaagh!Copy !req
443. Aah!Copy !req
444. Aaaaaagh!Copy !req
445. Nooooooooo!
Br-br-br-br-br-br!Copy !req
446. Father, you did it!Copy !req
447. I'm so sorry,
my child.Copy !req
448. I never meant to say
we weren't pals.Copy !req
449. Does that mean
you're gonna stay?Copy !req
450. Of course.Copy !req
451. Now I have purpose,
and I have meaning.Copy !req
452. My job here
is to protect you.Copy !req
453. All of you.Copy !req
454. The Lord be with you.Copy !req
455. And with your spirit.Copy !req
456. Today, I'd like to talk
on the subject of penance.Copy !req
457. The penitent have deep remorse,Copy !req
458. but for true penance,
we must be humble enoughCopy !req
459. to admit that the Lord's
forgiveness is undeserved.Copy !req
460. Kind of like how getting raped
by a Catholic priestCopy !req
461. is undeserved.Copy !req
462. In Job 42:6, we read,Copy !req
463. "Therefore
I reprehend myselfCopy !req
464. and do penance
in dust and ashes."Copy !req
465. And in choir boys'
butts and asses.Copy !req
466. So we are not
to punish ourselves,Copy !req
467. but instead we are to
make ourselves passionate.Copy !req
468. Like a Catholic priest
at a Chuck E. Cheese.Copy !req
469. Oh, God, it's good
to have my faith back!Copy !req
470. Passionate to understand
all that Christ sacrificedCopy !req
471. and how hard it truly was.Copy !req
472. How hard what truly was?Copy !req
473. Oh, that was a great one,
Nelson.Copy !req
474. Salvation in a little boy's
mouth.Copy !req
475. I'm gonna post that one
for sure.Copy !req
476. Who said the thing
about naked boy salad?Copy !req
477. Oh, that was Linda!Copy !req
478. Well, see ya next week,
everybody!Copy !req
479. - Yeah! See ya!
- All right. Take it easy, now!Copy !req
480. - Bye.
- That was good.Copy !req