1. [twangy music]Copy !req
2. # I'm going down to South Park #Copy !req
3. # Gonna have myself a time #Copy !req
4. All: # Friendly faces
everywhere #Copy !req
5. # Humble folks
without temptation #Copy !req
6. # Going down to South Park #Copy !req
7. # Gonna leave my woes behind #Copy !req
8. # Ample parking day or night #Copy !req
9. # People spouting:
"Howdy neighbor." #Copy !req
10. # Headed on up to South Park #Copy !req
11. # Gonna see if I can't unwind #Copy !req
12. [singing indistinctly]Copy !req
13. # So come on down
to South Park #Copy !req
14. # And meet some
friends of mine #Copy !req
15. Hey, Stan, did you see that
rainbow this morning?Copy !req
16. Yeah, it was huge.Copy !req
17. Ugh, I hate those things.Copy !req
18. Nobody hates rainbows.Copy !req
19. Yeah, what's there to hate
about rainbows?Copy !req
20. Well, you know, you'll just
be sitting thereCopy !req
21. minding your own business, and
they'll come marching inCopy !req
22. and crawl up your leg and
start bitingCopy !req
23. the inside of your ass.Copy !req
24. And you'll be all like, "Hey,Copy !req
25. get out of my ass, you stupid
rainbows."Copy !req
26. Cartman, what the hell are
you talking about?Copy !req
27. I'm talking about rainbows.Copy !req
28. I hate those friggin' things.Copy !req
29. Rainbows are those arches of
colorCopy !req
30. that show up during a rainstorm.Copy !req
31. Oh, rainbows.Copy !req
32. Oh, yeah, I like those.Copy !req
33. Those are cool.Copy !req
34. What were you talking about?Copy !req
35. Heh? Oh, nothing. Forget it.Copy !req
36. No, what marches in, crawls
up your leg...Copy !req
37. Nothing.
And bites the insideCopy !req
38. of your ass?
Nothing.Copy !req
39. Children, children, remember
the Save Our Fragile PlanetCopy !req
40. essay contest that you
children workedCopy !req
41. so hard on last month?Copy !req
42. One of our very own South Park
students has wonCopy !req
43. the national prize.Copy !req
44. [all gasp]Copy !req
45. Wow, I knew I would win.Copy !req
46. Gosh, Mr. Garrison, this sure
is exciting.Copy !req
47. That's right, Mr. Hat.Copy !req
48. The winner of the national
Save Our Fragile PlanetCopy !req
49. contest is... Eric Cartman.Copy !req
50. What?
What?Copy !req
51. Congratulations, Eric, on
writingCopy !req
52. the award-winning paper.Copy !req
53. Kick ass.Copy !req
54. That's impossible.Copy !req
55. Cartman doesn't know a rain
forest from a Pop-Tart.Copy !req
56. Yeah, I do.
Pop-Tarts are frosted.Copy !req
57. Out of over a million papers,Copy !req
58. Eric's was chosen as the
grand prize winner.Copy !req
59. Wow, what did you write
about, Cartman?Copy !req
60. Oh, you know, this and that.Copy !req
61. He doesn't even know
what he wrote about.Copy !req
62. What was your paper about,
Wendy?Copy !req
63. My paper was on the suffering
of bottle-nosed dolphins.Copy !req
64. Well, you see, you shouldn't
have writtenCopy !req
65. a paper about dolphins.Copy !req
66. Dolphins are stupid.Copy !req
67. Dude, dolphins are, like, the
second-smartest animalCopy !req
68. on the planet.Copy !req
69. [scoffs] Oh, right.Copy !req
70. If they're so damn smart,
how come they get caughtCopy !req
71. in those fishing nets all the
time?Copy !req
72. What?
Wait, wait, there's more.Copy !req
73. It says here that Eric's trophyCopy !req
74. will be presented to him by...Copy !req
75. Kathie Lee Gifford?Copy !req
76. Kathie Lee is coming to South
Park?Copy !req
77. And the presentation will be
on national television.Copy !req
78. Both: Television?Copy !req
79. Kathie Lee Gifford.Copy !req
80. I don't believe it.Copy !req
81. Kathie Lee Gifford in South
Park.Copy !req
82. Oh, my God.Copy !req
83. This is our chance to make a
name for ourselves, to showCopy !req
84. that we're not some pissant,
white-bread mountain town.Copy !req
85. Better yet, it's a chance for
you to get some publicity.Copy !req
86. Yes, if I can show just how
much I've turned South ParkCopy !req
87. around, I could become a
senator.Copy !req
88. Maybe even a state senator.Copy !req
89. Mayor, we should decorate the
town square.Copy !req
90. Then we should have the chef
of the school cafeteria singCopy !req
91. a song and play up the ethnic
diversity of our town.Copy !req
92. That's right.Copy !req
93. He's a black guy, isn't he?Copy !req
94. Black as the night itself,
Mayor.Copy !req
95. Yes, and we can even have the
children of South ParkCopy !req
96. put on a little play.Copy !req
97. Kathie Lee loves children.Copy !req
98. If they're working in a
sweatshop, that is.Copy !req
99. Oh!
Ouch.Copy !req
100. [laughs]
Thank you.Copy !req
101. You guys, guess what.Copy !req
102. After I'm on television,
I'm gonna be totally famous.Copy !req
103. Hitler was famous too.Copy !req
104. Hello there, children.Copy !req
105. Both: Hey, Chef.Copy !req
106. How are my little crackers
today?Copy !req
107. Good.Copy !req
108. Did y'all hear about the news?Copy !req
109. Kathie Lee Gifford is
coming to South Park.Copy !req
110. Yeah, 'cause Cartman cheated
and wonCopy !req
111. the environmental essay contest.Copy !req
112. Hey!
Yeah, yeah, whatever.Copy !req
113. But the mayor just called and
asked meCopy !req
114. to sing at the ceremony.Copy !req
115. Wow, are you gonna do it?Copy !req
116. Of course.Copy !req
117. Kathie Lee is a beautiful,
sultry queen of sexual fantasy.Copy !req
118. And if I sing to her, maybe I
can lure her intoCopy !req
119. a night of exotic delectation.Copy !req
120. Yeah, that'd be cool.Copy !req
121. [mumbling indistinctly]Copy !req
122. Well, three times bigger than
Frank Gifford's, anyway.Copy !req
123. Oh, I can't even concentrate
on grading papersCopy !req
124. with all this excitement.Copy !req
125. Why are you looking at me like
that, Mr. Hat?Copy !req
126. Have you forgotten about all
the pain and sufferingCopy !req
127. that Kathie Lee Gifford caused
you?Copy !req
128. Mr. Hat, that was a long time
ago, and...Copy !req
129. And I was only a child.Copy !req
130. We could've won that
talent show.Copy !req
131. We could've been huge.Copy !req
132. Knock-knock, Mr. Hat.Copy !req
133. Who's there?
Orange.Copy !req
134. Orange who?Copy !req
135. Orange you glad
I didn't say banana?Copy !req
136. Thank you.Copy !req
137. Wow, Mr. Hat, looks like we
might win.Copy !req
138. And now, our last talent show
finalist, Kathie Lee Epstein.Copy !req
139. # If they could see me now,
that little gang of mine #Copy !req
140. # I'm eating fancy chow
and drinking fancy wine #Copy !req
141. # I'd like those stumble bums
to see for a fact #Copy !req
142. # The kind of top-drawer
first-rate chums I attract #Copy !req
143. # All I can say is wowee,
look at where I am #Copy !req
144. # Tonight I landed pow
right in a pot of jam #Copy !req
145. # What a setup, holy cow,
they'd never believe it #Copy !req
146. # If my friends
could see me now #Copy !req
147. [fireworks booming]Copy !req
148. [cheers and applause]Copy !req
149. It wasn't fair.Copy !req
150. She had choreography.Copy !req
151. How could we compete with that?Copy !req
152. But now she's coming to
South Park,Copy !req
153. and I know a way to
make it all better.Copy !req
154. How?
[gasps]Copy !req
155. No, Mr. Hat.Copy !req
156. I couldn't...Copy !req
157. kill Kathie Lee Gifford.Copy !req
158. Children, as you all know,Copy !req
159. Ms. Kathie Lee Gifford will be
in South Park to presentCopy !req
160. the award to some kid for an
essay.Copy !req
161. That kid is me.
Whatever.Copy !req
162. Now, I'm going to have you
luscious little youngstersCopy !req
163. do a play about the history of
South Park.Copy !req
164. That'll be wonderful, won't
it, Mr. Hat?Copy !req
165. Kill her. Mr. Hat.Copy !req
166. Mr. Garrison, I'm asking you
to direct our little play.Copy !req
167. Oh, that's perfect.Copy !req
168. You see, Mr. Hat, we don't have
to kill her.Copy !req
169. We can just upstage her.Copy !req
170. Mrs. Mayor,Copy !req
171. you might want to
review the essays.Copy !req
172. We think Cartman might
have cheated.Copy !req
173. Who cares?Copy !req
174. Now, kids, what's say we give
it our South Park best?Copy !req
175. And who's
our little prizewinner again?Copy !req
176. Me, Eric Cartman.Copy !req
177. How about we get in shape, huh?Copy !req
178. We want to look our best for
the TV cameras, don't we?Copy !req
179. Yes, ma'am.Copy !req
180. # I'm gonna be on television #Copy !req
181. # I'm gonna be on television #Copy !req
182. # I'm gonna be on television #Copy !req
183. # I'm gonna be on television #Copy !req
184. We don't believe for a
minute that you won thatCopy !req
185. contest fairly, fat boy.Copy !req
186. Ugh, stop defending your
little girlfriendCopy !req
187. for writing about
some stupid fish.Copy !req
188. Dude, dolphins are
intelligent and friendly.Copy !req
189. Intelligent and friendly on
rye bread with some mayonnaise.Copy !req
190. Dolphins are way smarter
than you.Copy !req
191. If they're so smart, why do
they live in igloos?Copy !req
192. Dolphins don't live in igloos.Copy !req
193. That's Eskimos.Copy !req
194. Dolphins, Eskimos, who cares?Copy !req
195. It's all a bunch of
tree-hugging hippie crap.Copy !req
196. Tell me what you wrote about.Copy !req
197. I can't.Copy !req
198. I have to go home and get
in shape.Copy !req
199. Yeah, right.Copy !req
200. You'll go and sit in front
of the TVCopy !req
201. and eat Cheesy Poofs,
ass-master.Copy !req
202. Screw you, hippie.Copy !req
203. We'll be right back to
"Jesus and Pals" after this.Copy !req
204. Hey, do you need to get in
shape fast?Copy !req
205. Wanna look your best?Copy !req
206. Tired of the other guys
getting all the chicks?Copy !req
207. Are you tired of
being a 90-pound weakling?Copy !req
208. Yeah, I only weigh 90 pounds.Copy !req
209. Then bulk up quick with
Weight Gain 4000.Copy !req
210. Yes.
Over 4,000 gramsCopy !req
211. of saturated fat per serving,Copy !req
212. its patented formula is designedCopy !req
213. to enter the mouth and go
directly to the stomach,Copy !req
214. where it is distributed to the
bloodstream.Copy !req
215. Now available at stores
everywhere.Copy !req
216. Get some today, and say it
with me, "Beefcake."Copy !req
217. Beefcake.
Beefcake!Copy !req
218. Beefcake!
Beefcake!Copy !req
219. Beefcake!Copy !req
220. May cause irreversible damage
to the kidneys and liver.Copy !req
221. Mom, can you get me some
Weight Gain 4000?Copy !req
222. Okay, Eric, I'll get you some
at the store tomorrow.Copy !req
223. But, Mom, I need it for
tomorrow.Copy !req
224. But tomorrow is
grocery day, Eric.Copy !req
225. Mom.
[whining]Copy !req
226. Okay, okay.Copy !req
227. Well, I guess I'll be going
to the store now, then.Copy !req
228. # If they could see me now,
that little gang of mine #Copy !req
229. # I'm eating fancy chow
and drinking... #Copy !req
230. No! No!Copy !req
231. Kill her.Copy !req
232. No, Mr. Hat. I won't do it.Copy !req
233. Kill.Copy !req
234. That does it.Copy !req
235. You're going in the
dresser drawer, Mr. Hat.Copy !req
236. She'll make a fool of you again.Copy !req
237. Well, you can just stay in that
drawer, negative Nancy.Copy !req
238. Hey, dudes.Copy !req
239. What the hell is wrong with
you, Cartman?Copy !req
240. Haven't you noticed the
three feet of snowCopy !req
241. on the ground?Copy !req
242. Listen, I have a nice body,
and I want to show it off.Copy !req
243. You got that?Copy !req
244. What?
You've got to weigh 90 pounds.Copy !req
245. I'm up to 94, thank
you very much.Copy !req
246. [mumbling indistinctly]Copy !req
247. Yeah, they're almost as big
as his mom's.Copy !req
248. [laughter]Copy !req
249. Laugh all you want.Copy !req
250. I'll the one who's gonna be on
TV looking all buff.Copy !req
251. What's that stuff?
Weight Gain 4000.Copy !req
252. It's helping me bulk up.Copy !req
253. Bulk up to what, fat-ass?Copy !req
254. Super fat-ass?Copy !req
255. Hey, I don't have to take
that kind of crapCopy !req
256. from you scrawny weaklings.Copy !req
257. [grunting]Copy !req
258. Sweet, check me out.Copy !req
259. I'm such a beefcake I can't
get through the door.Copy !req
260. Come on, people.Copy !req
261. We've got to turn
this place around.Copy !req
262. Hang up the lights, string up
the banners,Copy !req
263. castrate the cows.Copy !req
264. [cows mooing]Copy !req
265. Well, Mr. Garrison, how is the
little play going?Copy !req
266. Huh? Oh, fine.Copy !req
267. We were just about to
run it from the top.Copy !req
268. Oh, please do.Copy !req
269. I'm dying to see it.Copy !req
270. Okay, all the little pioneers
on this side of the stage.Copy !req
271. Good, and all the little IndiansCopy !req
272. go to the center of the stage.Copy !req
273. Am I an Indian or a pioneer?Copy !req
274. Do you have a feather on your
head?Copy !req
275. Yes.
Then you're an Indian.Copy !req
276. Oh.Copy !req
277. Okay, Bebe, this is your line.Copy !req
278. This is the story of South Park.Copy !req
279. It begins over 100 years agoCopy !req
280. when the noble and hearty Ute
Indians lived on the land.Copy !req
281. [drums thumping]Copy !req
282. Oh, don't they look adorable?Copy !req
283. Then from the East came the
great white pioneers.Copy !req
284. [together]
Ahh!Copy !req
285. Oh, my God.Copy !req
286. They did it
a lot better this morning.Copy !req
287. They had more energy.Copy !req
288. The pioneers met with the
IndiansCopy !req
289. and negotiated for
their fertile lands.Copy !req
290. Mr. Garrison, we cannot have
our childrenCopy !req
291. beating each other senseless
in front of Kathie Lee Gifford.Copy !req
292. Well, what do you want?Copy !req
293. This is how it happened
in those days.Copy !req
294. Take that, you stupid Indian.
Ohh.Copy !req
295. Mr. Garrison, this is not
appropriate.Copy !req
296. Do you actually think that
Kathie Lee GiffordCopy !req
297. would enjoy this?Copy !req
298. To hell with Kathie Lee Gifford.Copy !req
299. [all gasp]Copy !req
300. [gasps]
Oh, my God. What have I said?Copy !req
301. He said, "To hell with Kathie
Lee Gifford."Copy !req
302. Mr. Garrison, I am dismissing
you from directing our play.Copy !req
303. [crickets chirping]Copy !req
304. It happened again, didn't it?Copy !req
305. Now we do things my way.Copy !req
306. I can't kill her, Mr. Hat.Copy !req
307. You're gonna have to do it.Copy !req
308. [cackling]Copy !req
309. Whoa, Cartman, talk
about wide load.Copy !req
310. Yeah, I'm really starting to
fill out nicely.Copy !req
311. You're not filling out nicely.Copy !req
312. You're fatter than ever.Copy !req
313. I'm not fat.Copy !req
314. I'm getting in shape.Copy !req
315. Cartman, you're such a
fat-ass that when you walkCopy !req
316. down the street, people go,
"God damn it.Copy !req
317. That's a big fat-ass."Copy !req
318. No, they don't, you
jealous weakling.Copy !req
319. God damn,
that's a big fat-ass.Copy !req
320. Hey!Copy !req
321. Hi, guys.
Oh, look, another hippie.Copy !req
322. Peace, Wendy.
Shut up, Cartman.Copy !req
323. Oh.Copy !req
324. # Two little hippies
sitting in a tree #Copy !req
325. I'm gonna find Cartman's paperCopy !req
326. and get to the bottom of this.Copy !req
327. Can I help you?Copy !req
328. Yes.Copy !req
329. I need a gun.Copy !req
330. Would this be for hunting or
protection or other?Copy !req
331. Other.
Alrighty then.Copy !req
332. May I suggest a Stratford
12-millimeter?Copy !req
333. Go ahead.
Try it on.Copy !req
334. That looks really nice on you.Copy !req
335. The lacquered black
really matches your eyes.Copy !req
336. You talking to me?Copy !req
337. You talking to me?Copy !req
338. I don't know,
it's a little small.Copy !req
339. Okay.
How about this?Copy !req
340. You talking to me?Copy !req
341. Hmm, no, I don't like this one
either.Copy !req
342. Here's the same gun
with a wood finish.Copy !req
343. You talking to me?Copy !req
344. I don't see anybody else
around here,Copy !req
345. so you must be talking to me.Copy !req
346. I'll take it.Copy !req
347. Hello?Copy !req
348. "My essay, by Eric Cartman.Copy !req
349. "When I wrote the following
pages,Copy !req
350. "or rather the bulk of them,Copy !req
351. I lived alone in the
woods on the shore of..."Copy !req
352. [door clicks open]Copy !req
353. Well, Mr. Hat, I guess old
Kathie Lee really will beCopy !req
354. surprised when she gets here
tomorrow.Copy !req
355. She beat us in the talent
show all those years ago.Copy !req
356. And I think we owe her for that.Copy !req
357. Ba-bang!Copy !req
358. Oh, my God.Copy !req
359. [upbeat twangy music]Copy !req
360. ##Copy !req
361. Howdy, Mr. Garrison.
Nice gun.Copy !req
362. Thank you.Copy !req
363. Nice gun, Mr. Garrison.Copy !req
364. Thanks.Copy !req
365. Hello, Officer Barbrady.Copy !req
366. Nice gun.
Thanks.Copy !req
367. Is there somewhere in town
where I can get a good,Copy !req
368. clear shot... or a view of Kathie
Lee?Copy !req
369. Hmm, you know, I think the
book depositoryCopy !req
370. would be a good bet.Copy !req
371. [dramatic music]Copy !req
372. Yes, that might do quite nicely.Copy !req
373. Thank you, Officer Barbrady.Copy !req
374. No problem.Copy !req
375. Ha! Caught you red-handed!Copy !req
376. No pictures of Kathie Lee.Copy !req
377. Where is she?Copy !req
378. This is sweet.Copy !req
379. Camera crews are setting up,
and I'm looking totally ripped.Copy !req
380. Beefcake. Beefcake!Copy !req
381. I don't think they're gonna
be able to getCopy !req
382. all of you in frame, Cartman.Copy !req
383. You guys, we have to stop him.Copy !req
384. Stop who?
Mr. Garrison.Copy !req
385. He's going to try to
kill Kathie Lee Gifford.Copy !req
386. Oh, no, you don't.Copy !req
387. You're not gonna ruin my
moment of fame.Copy !req
388. He's got a gun.Copy !req
389. You gotta get over this whole
jealousy thing, all right?Copy !req
390. Seriously, just face it.Copy !req
391. I wrote a better paper than you.Copy !req
392. It just so happens that I
have your paper,Copy !req
393. and I know why you won.Copy !req
394. There's something more
important right now.Copy !req
395. Let's go.Copy !req
396. Wendy, you've got to prioritize.Copy !req
397. What's more important, being
on TVCopy !req
398. or some stupid assassination?Copy !req
399. Stan, I can't do it alone.Copy !req
400. Please?Copy !req
401. Uh-oh, we're losing him.Copy !req
402. Here she comes.Copy !req
403. [upbeat music]Copy !req
404. ##Copy !req
405. Damn, I guess I'm not the
only person in AmericaCopy !req
406. who's thought of
killing Kathie Lee Gifford.Copy !req
407. We love you, Kathie Lee.Copy !req
408. I love you too.Copy !req
409. Come on, you little bitch.Copy !req
410. You've got to come out of your
precious bubbleCopy !req
411. sooner or later, missy.Copy !req
412. It is with great pride and
honor that I'd like to welcomeCopy !req
413. Mrs. Kathie Lee Gifford to
South Park.Copy !req
414. [cheers and applause]Copy !req
415. And now our very own
South Park Elementary chefCopy !req
416. will sing a special song in
honor of Mrs. Lee Gifford.Copy !req
417. Thank you, Mr. Mayor.Copy !req
418. You know, Kathie Lee, you are
a very special woman.Copy !req
419. I don't mean special in a Mary
Tyler Moore wayCopy !req
420. or special in an extra-value
meal at Happy Burger way.Copy !req
421. No, no, no, no, no.Copy !req
422. I mean special,Copy !req
423. like the song of the
hummingbird as it gets readyCopy !req
424. to find that female hummingbirdCopy !req
425. and make sweet love to it all
night long.Copy !req
426. Just two hummingbirds moaning
and groaning andCopy !req
427. letting their bodies caressCopy !req
428. and touch each other in ecstasy.Copy !req
429. # Oh Kathie Lee #Copy !req
430. # How I'd love to lay you down #Copy !req
431. # And lick every inch
of your body #Copy !req
432. # With my tongue #Copy !req
433. What?Copy !req
434. # Kathie Lee
you're my sexual fantasy #Copy !req
435. What?
# How about you and me #Copy !req
436. Thank you, Chef,
for that heartwarming song.Copy !req
437. # Get it together
and make sweet love? #Copy !req
438. Thank you, Chef.Copy !req
439. Oh, oh.Copy !req
440. God bless you, Kathie Lee.Copy !req
441. Officer Barbrady,Copy !req
442. Mr. Garrison is about to kill
Kathie Lee.Copy !req
443. We have to find him.Copy !req
444. What?
You mean the teacher?Copy !req
445. Wait a minute.Copy !req
446. Is there somewhere in town
where I can get a good, clearCopy !req
447. shot...
Or a view of Kathie Lee?Copy !req
448. Hmm, you know, I think the
book depositoryCopy !req
449. would be a good bet.Copy !req
450. I think the book depository
would be a good bet.Copy !req
451. Book depository, depository,
book depository, depository.Copy !req
452. Damn, he could be anywhere.Copy !req
453. I'll send out an APB.Copy !req
454. Wendy, look.Copy !req
455. And now, here to
present the awardCopy !req
456. for the environmental essay to
our own Eric Kaufman...Copy !req
457. Cartman, God damn it.Copy !req
458. Is your favorite celebrity
and mine,Copy !req
459. Kathie Lee Gifford.Copy !req
460. [grunts]Copy !req
461. Thank you.
I love you all.Copy !req
462. Mr. Garrison, stop.Copy !req
463. Leave us.Copy !req
464. We must finish what
we have begun.Copy !req
465. I know that she's hurt you.Copy !req
466. She's hurt a lot of people.Copy !req
467. You can't know.Copy !req
468. You should've won
that talent show.Copy !req
469. It is with a great honor and
pride that I presentCopy !req
470. the winner this trophy.Copy !req
471. Eric, would you please come
up here?Copy !req
472. Here it is, my big
moment of fame.Copy !req
473. And then she finished it
all by throwing her voiceCopy !req
474. with two dummies at once.Copy !req
475. I know that, Mr. Garrison,
but this isn't the answer.Copy !req
476. It is too late for
me, young Wendy.Copy !req
477. You see, I've learned
something today.Copy !req
478. You can't win all the time.Copy !req
479. And if you don't win, you
certainly can't hold it againstCopy !req
480. the person who did, because
that's the only wayCopy !req
481. you ever really lose.Copy !req
482. You're... you're right.Copy !req
483. Good.Copy !req
484. Man, did she really throw her
voice with two dummies at once?Copy !req
485. The bitch must die.Copy !req
486. Ahh!
[gunshot]Copy !req
487. [mumbles indistinctly]Copy !req
488. Oh, my God.
They killed Kenny.Copy !req
489. You bastard.Copy !req
490. Gun!
Gun!Copy !req
491. Hey, come back.Copy !req
492. We didn't even get to do
our play.Copy !req
493. All: Aww.Copy !req
494. I guess that's it, guys.
Wrap it up.Copy !req
495. Hey, wait a minute.Copy !req
496. When do I get to be on
television?Copy !req
497. Forget it, kid.Copy !req
498. No Kathie Lee, no
public interest.Copy !req
499. But I won the environmental
essay contest.Copy !req
500. You don't
deserve to win, Cartman,Copy !req
501. and you know it.Copy !req
502. I'm holding Cartman's
award-winning paper.Copy !req
503. It's actually nothing more
than "Walden"Copy !req
504. with Henry David Thoreau's
name crossed outCopy !req
505. and Cartman's
name written in its place.Copy !req
506. Who cares?Copy !req
507. Yeah, Kathie Lee Gifford's gone.Copy !req
508. What about not holding
anything againstCopy !req
509. the person who wins?Copy !req
510. Well, not if it's Cartman.Copy !req
511. Hey, where are you all going?Copy !req
512. They don't even know what
"Walden" is.Copy !req
513. I bet if "Walden" was a sitcom
you'd all know what it was.Copy !req
514. Come on, Wendy.Copy !req
515. Kyle's mom will make us
tuna fish sandwiches.Copy !req
516. Oh, what the hell.Copy !req
517. [sobbing] No, no.Copy !req
518. Now I'll be stuck in
this Podunk town foreverCopy !req
519. with all these stupid, hick,
redneck, jobless,Copy !req
520. truck-driving idiots.Copy !req
521. Uh, Mayor, the mic is on.Copy !req
522. Thought you could get
away with it, eh, Mr. Hat?Copy !req
523. Well, I would have gotten
away with itCopy !req
524. if it weren't
for those meddling kids.Copy !req
525. You're lucky you missed
Kathie Lee GiffordCopy !req
526. and that nobody got hurt.Copy !req
527. We hope you can come
back to school real soon,Copy !req
528. Mr. Garrison.Copy !req
529. Well, children, I'd love to,
but the doctors sayCopy !req
530. that Mr. Hat needs more
therapy.Copy !req
531. We can still get her.Copy !req
532. I'm just so sorry that I ruined
everyone's chancesCopy !req
533. for being on TV.Copy !req
534. Not Cartman.Copy !req
535. He gets to be on TV anyway.Copy !req
536. Really? On what?Copy !req
537. Obesity, adiposity, corpulence.Copy !req
538. Whatever word you use, it
represents one thing:Copy !req
539. being a big fat-ass.Copy !req
540. We have with us today live via
satellite Eric CartmanCopy !req
541. from South Park,Copy !req
542. who is now so obese, he can't
even get out of his house.Copy !req
543. When is this gonna be on the
air?Copy !req
544. Is there anything you'd like
to say to people out there?Copy !req
545. Follow your dreams.Copy !req
546. You can reach your goals.Copy !req
547. I'm living proof.Copy !req
548. Beefcake. Beefcake!Copy !req
549. He needs to run his ass
around the block a few times.Copy !req
550. Mmm, how about a little more
of that good loving, Chef?Copy !req
551. Damn, woman.Copy !req
552. I just gave you sweet
loving five minutes ago.Copy !req
553. You trying to kill me?Copy !req