1. And so, these ancient
arrowheads are buriedCopy !req
2. deep down in the Earth's crust!Copy !req
3. We dig 'em up, polish 'em offCopy !req
4. and find over twelve new
arrowheads every month!Copy !req
5. Booorrrring.Copy !req
6. Eric, keep quiet!
I'm trying to sleep!Copy !req
7. Now, can anybody tell me who
left these arrowheads here?Copy !req
8. Isn't that your job?Copy !req
9. Well, yes, but I want to see
if you're learning anything.Copy !req
10. Oh.
- Okay, I tell you what.Copy !req
11. Why don't we all grab our
little anthropology pickaxesCopy !req
12. that were handed outCopy !req
13. and we'll dig for our very own
Indian Arrowheads!Copy !req
14. Dude, shut up, Cartman!
- Ooh, ooh!Copy !req
15. I think I found one!Copy !req
16. No, I found it.Copy !req
17. Oh, I do believe
I found it first.Copy !req
18. No, I did, Pip!
- Oh, dear.Copy !req
19. Well, guess we'll have to
Roshambo for it.Copy !req
20. What do you mean?Copy !req
21. Well, first I kick you in
the nuts as hard as I can.Copy !req
22. Then you kick me in the nuts
as hard as you can.Copy !req
23. And we keep going back and
forth until somebody falls.Copy !req
24. Last one standing gets
the arrowhead.Copy !req
25. Oh, my.
Well, I suppose if I must...Copy !req
26. Okay, ready? I'll go first.Copy !req
27. Well, I guess you win.Copy !req
28. I don't care, you can have
the stupid arrowhead.Copy !req
29. I don't want it.Copy !req
30. Oh, look, I found
another one.Copy !req
31. Aw, this is just a stupid
triangle!Copy !req
32. Whoa, check it out, dude.Copy !req
33. It's got little drawings
on it.Copy !req
34. What is it?
- I don't know.Copy !req
35. Whoa!Copy !req
36. That was cool!
- Hey, give me that back!Copy !req
37. You threw it away, Cartman.
It's mine now.Copy !req
38. We'll Roshambo for it.
- No way, fatty. It's mine.Copy !req
39. Anthropologist!Copy !req
40. How's it going, boys?Copy !req
41. I found a magic triangleCopy !req
42. and this greedy
son of a bitch took it from me!Copy !req
43. You threw it away, fatso!Copy !req
44. Let me see that.Copy !req
45. Why, this is Anastasi writing!Copy !req
46. My God, this must be
thousands of years old!Copy !req
47. Come on, let me kick you
in the nuts for it!Copy !req
48. And finally tonight,
a young boyCopy !req
49. from South Park, Colorado found
something very interestingCopy !req
50. during a field trip today.Copy !req
51. Here with a special reportCopy !req
52. is a quadriplegic Swiss man
on a pony.Copy !req
53. Thanks Tom.
The little eight year oldCopy !req
54. was very shocked indeedCopy !req
55. when he came across a very
ancient triangular object.Copy !req
56. Well, I was just digging
around, and I was all like,Copy !req
57. "Dude, I found this triangle."Copy !req
58. And my friends were all like,
"Dude," and I was all, "Dude."Copy !req
59. And I told him,
I said, "Kyle,Copy !req
60. I will kick you in the nuts."Copy !req
61. But he didn't give it
back to me.Copy !req
62. So I kicked him square
in the nuts...Copy !req
63. And he cried like
Nancy Kerrigan.Copy !req
64. You liar, Cartman!
- Screw you, triangle thief!Copy !req
65. And so, the little boy will
take his discovery homeCopy !req
66. and perhaps donate it to
science...Copy !req
67. A little later.Copy !req
68. Back to you, Dave.
- Thanks, Tom.Copy !req
69. Those are some cute, cute kids.Copy !req
70. Except for that last one.
He's a little tubby.Copy !req
71. Hey!Copy !req
72. What are you gonna
do with it, dude?Copy !req
73. I'm gonna put it in my room,
where Cartman can't find it.Copy !req
74. Oh I'll find it,
don't worry!Copy !req
75. Goddammit! Gimme my triangle,
Kyle, seriously!Copy !req
76. You did throw it away,
Cartman.Copy !req
77. I was just setting it aside.Copy !req
78. Well, you might as well
let it go.Copy !req
79. Never! I'll get that triangle
if it's the last thing I do!Copy !req
80. Excuse me, sir.
- Can I help—hey.Copy !req
81. You're that movie
critic guy on TV.Copy !req
82. Leonard Maltin, yes.
- Well I'll be a teenage girlCopy !req
83. backstage at an
Aerosmith concert.Copy !req
84. Leonard Maltin in
my cafeteria!Copy !req
85. I'm Chef.Copy !req
86. I know who you are.
You must listen to me, Chef.Copy !req
87. We have precious little time.Copy !req
88. Have you seen Barbra Streisand
recently?Copy !req
89. Barbra Streisand?
You mean, like,Copy !req
90. THE Barbra Streisand?Copy !req
91. Have you seen her?
- No.Copy !req
92. Not since "Yentl."Copy !req
93. Thank God.
Then I'm not too late.Copy !req
94. Too late for what?Copy !req
95. Chef, it is of the upmost
importanceCopy !req
96. that you tell me where
those little boysCopy !req
97. from the news report on TV are.Copy !req
98. Why do you care?Copy !req
99. I have a button we can use
for his nose.Copy !req
100. What would you use a marble
sack for?Copy !req
101. Be careful where
you put that carrot.Copy !req
102. Kyle might steal it.Copy !req
103. I didn't steal anything.Copy !req
104. Stan, would you tell Kyle
that I'm not speaking with him?Copy !req
105. Good!Copy !req
106. What's that noise?Copy !req
107. Whoa!Copy !req
108. Aah! Aliens!Copy !req
109. Who is the boy I saw on
the news report tonight?Copy !req
110. Hello there, little boy.
Do you know who I am?Copy !req
111. No.Copy !req
112. Oh, I bet you do.Copy !req
113. Yeah, that sucks, dude.Copy !req
114. I'm Barbra Streisand!Copy !req
115. So?
- So...Copy !req
116. So I'm a very famous
and very important individual.Copy !req
117. Like John Elway important?Copy !req
118. What?
- Do you know John Elway?Copy !req
119. No.Copy !req
120. Oh, so you're really famous
and importantCopy !req
121. but you don't know John Elway.Copy !req
122. Look, little boy,Copy !req
123. I understand that you found a
neat little triangle near here.Copy !req
124. You know what I'm talking
about?Copy !req
125. Yeah...Copy !req
126. No, I found it.
He stole it.Copy !req
127. You threw it away, Cartman!Copy !req
128. I'm not talking to him,
because he's a dirty thief.Copy !req
129. Little boy, does the triangle
have a symbol of two snakesCopy !req
130. joined at the middle?Copy !req
131. Yeah, how'd you know?Copy !req
132. Okay, now this is
very important.Copy !req
133. Where is the Triangle
of Zinthar now?Copy !req
134. Triangle of Zinthar?Copy !req
135. Why do you want to know,
lady?Copy !req
136. I'm not talking to you,
you pissant little hick!Copy !req
137. Whoa, dude!Copy !req
138. Where is the Triangle,
damn it?Copy !req
139. Aaagh!Copy !req
140. What seems to be
the problemo here?Copy !req
141. Problemo? There's no
problemo, Officer.Copy !req
142. I was just introducing myself
to these charming little boys.Copy !req
143. Nu-uh!
She was being a total bitch!Copy !req
144. Boys, shouldn't you
be in school?Copy !req
145. It's Saturday.
- No excuses!Copy !req
146. Move along, you little
troublemakers.Copy !req
147. Well?
- Well what?Copy !req
148. You know who I am, don't you?Copy !req
149. Well, you ain't Fiona Apple.Copy !req
150. And if you ain't Fiona Apple,
I don't give a rat's assCopy !req
151. Argh!Copy !req
152. Hoo! What a bitch!Copy !req
153. I guess he's not home,
Leonard Maltin.Copy !req
154. Damn! Then we must look
for them elsewhere.Copy !req
155. Now, come on, man!
What is this all about?Copy !req
156. If Barbara Streisand saw
the same news report I did,Copy !req
157. then those boys
are in grave danger.Copy !req
158. If you were Barbra Streisand,Copy !req
159. where would you be
right now?Copy !req
160. Hmm.Copy !req
161. No, no! I mean where would
she be staying?Copy !req
162. Oh, uh, well, I always heard
that Mrs. StreisandCopy !req
163. had her own $4 million
condominiumCopy !req
164. up near the ski slope.Copy !req
165. Where?
- I don't know.Copy !req
166. I-it was just a rumor.Copy !req
167. Damn it, man,
where is your car?Copy !req
168. He has it, Milo.Copy !req
169. That little bastard has
the Triangle.Copy !req
170. Are you sure?
- I'm sure!Copy !req
171. He knew about the symbol
of Krulock!Copy !req
172. Then why don't we go get it?Copy !req
173. A cop showed up.
He's a clever one.Copy !req
174. I can't blow everything now
that I'm this close.Copy !req
175. Everything must be handled
very carefully.Copy !req
176. How many years has it been,
Milo? 30? 40?Copy !req
177. For so long, I have waited
to find the other triangle.Copy !req
178. And now I am so close.Copy !req
179. The dawn of Zinthar
is close at hand!Copy !req
180. Cartman?Copy !req
181. You scared the crap
out of me, Ike!Copy !req
182. What the hell are you doing?Copy !req
183. I'm trying to get my tri—Copy !req
184. wait a minute, I'm not
talking to you!Copy !req
185. Ike, will you tell KyleCopy !req
186. that I was trying to get
my triangle back?Copy !req
187. Well, Ike, you can tell
Cartman that it's my triangle!Copy !req
188. Well you can tell Kyle he's a
dirty goddamn son of a bitch!Copy !req
189. All right, all right!Copy !req
190. If it means that much to you,
take the stupid triangle!Copy !req
191. Huh?
- If it'll make youCopy !req
192. leave me alone, then just take
the damn thing.Copy !req
193. Here.Copy !req
194. There. Now get out of my house.Copy !req
195. And I hope you feel really,
really good about yourself.Copy !req
196. Hell yeah, I do.
I got the triangle.Copy !req
197. Are you sure Barbra Streisand
has a condo up here?Copy !req
198. It was just a rumor.Copy !req
199. A lot of big celebrities
have mountain condos.Copy !req
200. Then we've got to keep
looking.Copy !req
201. All right, Leonard Maltin,Copy !req
202. this has gone far enough.Copy !req
203. I ain't driving another mileCopy !req
204. till you tell me what
this is all about.Copy !req
205. Haven't you ever been curious
about the insanityCopy !req
206. Barbra Streisand exhibits?Copy !req
207. Well, I always heard she was
kind of a bitch, but—Copy !req
208. More than a bitch, Chef!Copy !req
209. She's a calculating,
self-centered,Copy !req
210. egotistical bitch.Copy !req
211. She was born in a small town,
her mother was a jackal,Copy !req
212. and her father was
an insurance salesman.Copy !req
213. Ooh.
Insurance salesman?Copy !req
214. When she was five, she knew
that she wantedCopy !req
215. to be a famous singer.Copy !req
216. But by the time she was six,Copy !req
217. her ambitions became
to rule the universe.Copy !req
218. She learned of an ancient
diamond.Copy !req
219. The diamond of Pantheos.Copy !req
220. Okay, you know what?
Never mind.Copy !req
221. I don't need to know all this.
Forget I asked.Copy !req
222. Before she was seven,
the keepers of PantheosCopy !req
223. learned of this insane little
girl's wish.Copy !req
224. The diamond was split upCopy !req
225. and buried at opposite ends
of the world.Copy !req
226. But then, during the shooting
of "My Fair Lady,"Copy !req
227. Barbra Streisand found
one of the triangles.Copy !req
228. And the other triangle is
the one that little Kyle has?Copy !req
229. Yes, Mr. Chef.
If Babs get aholdCopy !req
230. of that other triangle,
she will fulfill her prophecyCopy !req
231. and become the most threatening
thing ever known to mankind...Copy !req
232. Mecha-Streisand.Copy !req
233. Mecha-Streisand?Copy !req
234. Oh man, I don't know
what the hell that means,Copy !req
235. but it doesn't sound good.Copy !req
236. Man, the bus sure is late.Copy !req
237. Hmmm, I wonder what I should
do with my triangle,Copy !req
238. now that it is my triangle.Copy !req
239. Damn it, Cartman, I gave it
to you so you would shut up.Copy !req
240. Oh, hello there, little boys.Copy !req
241. How are you today?Copy !req
242. Fine.
- That is great.Copy !req
243. My name is Mrs. Jones.Copy !req
244. And I am a very friendly,
nice person.Copy !req
245. I hear that one of you found
my triangle.Copy !req
246. Your triangle?Copy !req
247. Yes. You see, that triangleCopy !req
248. is part of my
kidney dialysis machine.Copy !req
249. I'm so glad you found it,Copy !req
250. because without it, I was sure
to die within hours.Copy !req
251. Oh no, you don't!
Finders keepers!Copy !req
252. But I'll die!Copy !req
253. Well, I guess we'll have
to Roshambo for it.Copy !req
254. I'll kick you in the nuts
as hard as I can,Copy !req
255. then you kick me square in
the nuts as hard as you can.Copy !req
256. I want to give you a big
cash reward for finding it.Copy !req
257. It's worth a lot
of money to me.Copy !req
258. It is?Copy !req
259. Hey, no wonder that Barbara
Streisand lady wanted it!Copy !req
260. Oh, Who is that?Copy !req
261. Oh, just this really,
really old ladyCopy !req
262. who wishes she was
still only 45.Copy !req
263. Yeah, and you should have
seen her nose.Copy !req
264. It was big enough to land
stealth bombers on.Copy !req
265. Yeah, and talk about a bitch.
I haven't seen—Copy !req
266. Enough!Copy !req
267. Oh. Ha, ha.Copy !req
268. Anyway, if you'll come
with me in my car,Copy !req
269. I'll take you up to my
condo where I'll kill you—Copy !req
270. I mean, uh, give you money
for the triangle.Copy !req
271. Sweet! I'm gonna be rich!Copy !req
272. Bet you wish you wouldn't have
given me back that triangleCopy !req
273. now, huh, Kyle? Dumbass.Copy !req
274. Wait, isn't there some rule
about not getting into carsCopy !req
275. with strangers?Copy !req
276. No, not when money's
involved, stupid.Copy !req
277. And action.Copy !req
278. Rebecca, I'm a man.Copy !req
279. A man like any other with
dreams and emotions.Copy !req
280. And that's why I'll never put
a foreign object up my ass.Copy !req
281. Cut. Great. Print that.Copy !req
282. Excellent work, Sid.
Take five, guys.Copy !req
283. Let's set up for
the next shot.Copy !req
284. Hello.
- Ho?Copy !req
285. You must hurry.Copy !req
286. A young man has found
the Triangle of Zinthar!Copy !req
287. Where?Copy !req
288. A small, pissant, white-bread
mountain town in ColoradoCopy !req
289. called South Park.Copy !req
290. Excellent.Copy !req
291. Soon, the Triangle of Zinthar
will be mine,Copy !req
292. and I will be the biggest,
most famous person ever!Copy !req
293. Let me go!
Seriously!Copy !req
294. Yeah, let us go!Copy !req
295. You fools have no ideaCopy !req
296. the powers that you
are meddling with.Copy !req
297. I'll teach you to meddle
with my triangle!Copy !req
298. It's not my triangle!Copy !req
299. It's Kyle's!
- Hey!Copy !req
300. Don't try to pass it
back on me, fat-ass!Copy !req
301. Screw you, hippie!Copy !req
302. Where is the Triangle
of Zinthar?Copy !req
303. I don't remember!Copy !req
304. Goddamn it, tell her!
I wanna go home!Copy !req
305. Maybe this will help
jar your memory.Copy !req
306. No! Don't!Copy !req
307. Now do you remember?Copy !req
308. Damn your black
heart, Barbra Streisand!Copy !req
309. I don't know how much more
I can take, dude!Copy !req
310. All right, you asked for it!Copy !req
311. No!Copy !req
312. I don't know, man.Copy !req
313. Maybe Barbra Streisand doesn't
have a place up here after all.Copy !req
314. Looks like we'll have to go
to plan B.Copy !req
315. There's a plan B?Copy !req
316. Why the hell have we been
driving around all nightCopy !req
317. and day for when
there's a plan B?Copy !req
318. Have you ever heard of
the band called 'The Cure'?Copy !req
319. Oh, come on.Copy !req
320. Don't tell me The Cure has
something to do with this too.Copy !req
321. No, no. Just the lead singer.Copy !req
322. Aah! Aah!Copy !req
323. Whoa! What's the matter,
Leonard Maltin?Copy !req
324. She's close! She's very
close! I can feel her.Copy !req
325. Where?
- She has the boys!Copy !req
326. T-they're in trouble!Copy !req
327. Oh, fudge!
- Keep going this way, hurry!Copy !req
328. Okay, okay!Copy !req
329. I'll tell you where
the triangle is!Copy !req
330. It's inside my shoe.Copy !req
331. Oh, for Christ's sake,
Cartman.Copy !req
332. When's the last time you
changed your socks?Copy !req
333. I suppose your socks smell
like the botanical gardens.Copy !req
334. Finally!
The triangle is mine!Copy !req
335. After centuries of waiting,Copy !req
336. I finally
have the Triangle of Zinthar!Copy !req
337. Now the Diamond of Pantheos
is complete!Copy !req
338. Sugoi! Kono hi wa!Copy !req
339. Atarashii hajimaru da!Copy !req
340. Ima kara!Copy !req
341. Atashi no namae wa!Copy !req
342. Whoa, dude!Copy !req
343. MECHA-BARBARA STREISAND DA!Copy !req
344. Dude, this is pretty
fucked up right here.Copy !req
345. Holy crap, Ned!Copy !req
346. That's the biggest goddamn
deer I've ever seen!Copy !req
347. And so just weeks afterCopy !req
348. the devastating attack
of mutant genetic creatures,Copy !req
349. zombies, and Thanksgiving
turkeys,Copy !req
350. the town of South Park has
managed to rebuild itselfCopy !req
351. once again b—Copy !req
352. Oh, goddamn it, not again.Copy !req
353. Mayor, Barbra Streisand is—
- I noticed.Copy !req
354. Call the National Guard!Copy !req
355. Oh, we'll get you, you bitch.Copy !req
356. And to think I actually watched
your HBO special!Copy !req
357. - Children!
- Chef!Copy !req
358. Oh, no, no!Copy !req
359. She has joined the two
triangles?Copy !req
360. Yeah, she stole my triangle!Copy !req
361. Get us down from here.
- I can't break these locks.Copy !req
362. Stand back, Chef.Copy !req
363. Marutang ray!Copy !req
364. Whoa, that was cool!Copy !req
365. I've got to go after
Mecha-Streisand.Copy !req
366. Chef, I need you to call
Robert Smith of The CureCopy !req
367. at this number.
- Robert Smith? Sweet.Copy !req
368. Hello?
- Uh, yes.Copy !req
369. Is this Robert Smith
of The Cure?Copy !req
370. Yes, it is.
- This may sound kinda strange,Copy !req
371. but Leonard Maltin
asked me to call you.Copy !req
372. Oh, so Barbara Streisand's
found the other triangle, eh?Copy !req
373. All right, men. Give her
everything you've got.Copy !req
374. Get around side her, Ned!Copy !req
375. I can't get a shot in
from here!Copy !req
376. Okay.Copy !req
377. Ah, ah, I'm scared.Copy !req
378. It's no use!Copy !req
379. Our firepower has no effect!Copy !req
380. Oh, my God, it is you!Copy !req
381. Oh, I am such a huge fan,
Ms. Streisand!Copy !req
382. I never thought I'd live
to see you in person!Copy !req
383. KRAGHGHGH!Copy !req
384. I hate to ask this,Copy !req
385. but could I get an autograph?Copy !req
386. My sister would die!Copy !req
387. GRAGHGHGH!Copy !req
388. Oh thank you, Ms. Streisand!Copy !req
389. We're doomed!
Goodbye, Mr. Hat.Copy !req
390. Barbra!Copy !req
391. Kitte! Kitte! Churi-pu!Copy !req
392. Look out, children!Copy !req
393. Ahhhh!Copy !req
394. Oh, no!Copy !req
395. Oh, my God,
they killed Kenny!Copy !req
396. You bastards!Copy !req
397. What's going on here?Copy !req
398. Sidney Poitier?Copy !req
399. That's right.
I'm Sidney Poitier.Copy !req
400. Damn, man,
it's nice to meet you.Copy !req
401. The Sidney Poitier
in my hometown.Copy !req
402. Barbra Streisand has found
the Triangle of Zinthar?Copy !req
403. Yep, she's made the Diamond
of Pantheos, all right.Copy !req
404. Koora Koo-ra-suki!Copy !req
405. Is that really necessary?Copy !req
406. It's over.Copy !req
407. She's too strong for them,
children.Copy !req
408. We'll have to leave town.Copy !req
409. Make it go away.Copy !req
410. I hate Barbra Streisand!
I hate her!Copy !req
411. My mom always said
there were no monsters,Copy !req
412. but there are,
aren't there, Chef?Copy !req
413. We have to say goodbye
to South Park.Copy !req
414. Oh, my God!
Help me!Copy !req
415. Am I too late?
- Who are you?Copy !req
416. Dude! That's Robert Smith
of The Cure!Copy !req
417. Sweet!
- Here, you boysCopy !req
418. hold this walkie.Copy !req
419. You can help me find her.Copy !req
420. You can try, Robert Smith,Copy !req
421. but that thing
just beat the crapCopy !req
422. out of Leonard Maltin
and Sidney Poitier!Copy !req
423. I have to try.Copy !req
424. I can't let Barbara Streisand
do this to the entire world.Copy !req
425. We must tell him that her
weak point is the nose.Copy !req
426. Robert Smith, hit her nose.
Use robot punch!Copy !req
427. The Diamond of Pantheos!Copy !req
428. She must be powerless now.Copy !req
429. Quickly, Robert Smith.
She's powerless!Copy !req
430. He did it!Copy !req
431. No more
Barbra Streisand ever!Copy !req
432. Wow, Robert Smith
is the greatest personCopy !req
433. that ever lived.Copy !req
434. Our savior!Copy !req
435. Can I have my walkie-talkie
back now, please?Copy !req
436. No way. You gave it to us.
It's mine now.Copy !req
437. All right, I'll Roshambo you
for it.Copy !req
438. Ready?
- Huh?Copy !req
439. Hey, where's he going?Copy !req
440. Goodbye, Robert Smith!Copy !req
441. Thank you for your help.
Visit us again.Copy !req
442. "Disintegration" is the best
album ever!Copy !req
443. Well, what should we do with
the two triangles now?Copy !req
444. We've got to get rid of them.Copy !req
445. Nobody should have
the kind of powerCopy !req
446. Barbra Streisand wanted.Copy !req
447. Well, at least I have this
sweet walkie-talkieCopy !req
448. Robert Smith gave me.Copy !req
449. No! That's my walkie-talkie!Copy !req
450. He gave it to me!Copy !req
451. Dammit, Cartman, don't you
ever learn anything?Copy !req
452. Come on, Stan, it's mine.
I'll Roshambo you for it.Copy !req
453. Go to hell, Cartman.Copy !req
454. Well, that whole experience
sure did suck.Copy !req
455. Yeah, I'm sure glad
that's over with.Copy !req
456. But you know, I've
learned something today.Copy !req
457. I've learned that people
who want power, a lot of power,Copy !req
458. always end up dead.Copy !req
459. Yeah.
- Yes, and I'veCopy !req
460. something too.Copy !req
461. Robert Smith kicks ass.Copy !req
462. Oh, no! She's back!Copy !req
463. Oh, my God! Look!Copy !req
464. Aaah! Mecha-Ike!Copy !req