1. Ah, damn it, my little
brother's trying to follow me
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2. to school again.
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3. Ike, you can't come
to school with me.
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4. Yeah, go home,
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5. you little dildo.
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6. Dude, don't call
my brother a dildo.
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7. What's a dildo?
- I don't know.
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8. And I'll bet Cartman
doesn't know either.
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9. I know what it means.
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10. Well, what?
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11. I'm not telling you.
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12. - What's a dildo, Kenny?
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13. Yeah, that's what Kyle's
little brother is, all right.
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14. Ow.
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15. Dude, that kicks ass.
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16. Yeah, check this one out.
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17. Ready, Ike?
Kick the baby.
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18. Don't kick the baby.
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19. Kick the baby.
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20. Aah!
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21. Whoa, Cartman,
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22. looks like you didn't
get much sleep last night.
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23. That's because I was having
these bogus nightmares.
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24. Really?
What about?
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25. Well, I dreamt that
I was lying in my bed,
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26. in the dark.
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27. When all of a sudden
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28. this bright blue light
filled the room.
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29. And slowly my bedroom
door began to open.
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30. And then the next thing
I remember,
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31. I was being drug
through a hallway.
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32. Then I was lying
on a table,
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33. and these scary aliens
wanted to operate on me.
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34. And they had big heads
and big black eyes.
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35. Dude, visitors.
- Totally.
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36. What?
- That wasn't a dream, Cartman.
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37. Those were visitors.
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38. No, it was just a dream.
My mom said so.
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39. Visitors are real.
- Yeah.
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40. They abduct people
and they mutilate cows.
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41. Oh, shut up, you guys,
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42. you're just trying
to make me scared.
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43. And it's not working.
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44. Hello there, children.
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45. Hey, Chef.
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46. What's gonna be
for lunch today, Chef?
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47. Well, today
it's Salisbury steak
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48. with buttered noodles
and a choice
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49. of green bean casserole
or vegetable medley.
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50. Kick ass.
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51. Say,
did any of you children
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52. see the alien spaceship
last night?
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53. Huh?
- Yeah, fat boy saw it.
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54. No, that—
that was just a dream.
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55. And I'm not fat.
I'm big boned.
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56. Oh, was it the ones
with the big long heads
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57. and the black eyes?
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58. Oh!
- They took him on their ship.
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59. Oh, did they give you
an anal probe?
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60. Oh!
- What's an anal probe?
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61. That's when they put
this big metal hoop-a-joop
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62. up your butt.
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63. Whoa, they gave you
an anal probe, Cartman?
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64. No, I mean...
why would they do that?
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65. Dude, they did, huh?
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66. Aliens stuck stuff up your ass.
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67. No.
- An probe.
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68. Shut up, dildo.
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69. Well, I got to get
to the cafeteria.
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70. You children watch
that fat boy, now.
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71. He could be under
alien control.
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72. We told you
they were real, Cartman.
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73. Sorry to hear
about your ass.
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74. God damn it, they didn't
do anything to my ass.
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75. It was just a dream.
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76. Why you walking
so funny, Cartman?
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77. Shut up.
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78. No, Ike, go home.
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79. This is it,
this one's for the game.
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80. Kick the baby.
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81. Good morning,
Miss Crabtree.
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82. Sit down,
we're running late!
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83. Damn it,
he's still there.
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84. Oh, don't worry about him.
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85. No, dude,
if something happens to him,
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86. my parents are
gonna blame me.
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87. Sit down back there!
Aah!
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88. Yeah, whatever,
you fat bitch.
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89. What did you say?
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90. I said I have a bad itch.
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91. Oh.
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92. Oh, my God!
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93. Visitors.
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94. Ike!
Stop the bus!
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95. Miss Crabtree,
you have to stop this bus.
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96. Do you want
an office referral?
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97. No.
- Then sit down!
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98. But I...
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99. Aah!
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100. Cartman, are those
the same visitors you saw?
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101. Shut up, you guys,
it's not working.
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102. We have to
do something.
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103. Well, we can't
do anything for now.
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104. That fat bitch won't let us.
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105. What did you say?
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106. I said that
rabbits eat lettuce.
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107. Oh.
Well, yes, they certainly do.
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108. What am I gonna do?
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109. My little brother's
been abducted by aliens.
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110. You farted.
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111. Somebody's baking brownies.
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112. That's the third cow
this month.
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113. At this rate,
all my cattle are gonna die
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114. before the winter's through.
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115. This is nothing
out of the unusual.
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116. Cows turn themselves
inside out all the time.
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117. People been saying they've
been seeing UFOs around.
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118. UFOs?
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119. Yeah, and black army
CIA helicopters and trucks.
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120. That's the silliest thing
I've ever heard.
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121. What was that?
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122. That—that was a pigeon.
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123. What am I supposed to do,
Barbrady?
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124. Just stand here
and watch my cattle
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125. get mutilated one by one?
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126. Hey, my cattle!
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127. You see?
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128. There is something
funny going on.
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129. There's nothing
funny going on.
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130. I'll get those cows back.
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131. And now, children,
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132. our friend Mr. Hat
is going to tell us
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133. about Christopher Columbus.
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134. That's right,
Mr. Garrison,
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135. Christopher Columbus
discovered America,
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136. and was the Indians'
best friend.
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137. He helped the Indians
win their war against
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138. Frederick Douglas,
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139. and freed the Hebrews
from Napoleon.
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140. And discovered France.
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141. Oh, man.
I can't just sit here.
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142. I have to help
my stupid brother.
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143. I'll come home
without him
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144. and my dad will
start yelling,
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145. "Where's your brother,
Kyle?
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146. You weren't looking out for
your little brother, Kyle."
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147. Okay, okay, let's
ditch school and go find him.
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148. "You know he can't think
on his own, Kyle.
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149. "Brush and floss, Kyle.
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150. Where has that
finger been, Kyle?"
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151. Dude.
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152. Is there a problem, boys?
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153. Yes, Mr. Garrison,
I have to go now.
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154. Oh really, Kyle?
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155. What is it this time,
another prostate tumor?
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156. No, my little brother's
been abducted by aliens.
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157. It's true.
Ask Cartman.
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158. They gave him an anal probe.
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159. That's a little joke.
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160. Mr. Garrison, seriously,
I have to go.
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161. Can I please be
excused from class?
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162. I don't know, Kyle.
Did you ask Mr. Hat?
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163. I don't want
to ask Mr. Hat!
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164. I'm asking you!
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165. Oh, I think
you should ask Mr. Hat.
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166. Mr. Hat, may I please
be excused from class?
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167. Well, Kyle, no.
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168. You hear me?
You go to hell.
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169. You go to hell
and you die.
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170. Hm, I guess you'll have to
take your seat, Kyle.
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171. Damn it.
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172. Ha-ha,
Mr. Hat yelled at you.
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173. Ow, my ass!
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174. Damn, Cartman.
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175. Ow, my ass!
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176. Dude, he's farting fire.
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177. It's the alien anal probe.
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178. It's shooting fire
from Cartman's rectum.
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179. No,
that was just a dream.
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180. Eric, do you need to
sit in the corner
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181. until your flaming gas
is under control?
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182. No, Mr. Garrison,
I'm fine.
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183. Hey, you cows can't
get on this train.
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184. This is a people train.
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185. You cows have no business
on a people train, all right?
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186. 'cause you're cows.
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187. No, no, no.
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188. Don't try any of that cow
hypnosis on me, all right?
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189. 'Cause it's not gonna work.
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190. Hold it right there,
cows.
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191. Come back here.
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192. Aah!
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193. Ooh.
I sure am hungry.
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194. How can you eat when
you're farting fire?
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195. Shut up, dude, you're
being totally immature.
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196. Hey, look,
there's Wendy Testaburger.
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197. Where?
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198. Shut up, fat ass.
I don't even like her.
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199. I'm not fat and
you obviously like her
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200. because you throw up
every time she talks to you.
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201. I do not.
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202. - Hi, guys.
- Hi, Wendy.
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203. Here, Stan,
this is for you.
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204. Eww.
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205. Bye, Wendy.
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206. Dude, what does
the note say?
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207. Holy crap,
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208. it says she wants to
meet me at Stark's Pond
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209. after school.
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210. Whoa,
maybe you can kiss her.
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211. Or slip her the tongue.
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212. What, how do you
know she has a cat?
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213. Come on, you guys,
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214. we need to figure out
how to get out of school
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215. so we can get
my little brother back.
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216. - Hello there, children.
- Hey Chef.
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217. How are you doing?
- Bad.
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218. Why bad?
- Chef,
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219. have you ever had
something happen to you
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220. but nobody believed you?
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221. Oh, children, children.
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222. That's a problem
we've all had to face
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223. at some time or another.
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224. Here, let me sing you
a little song.
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225. It might clear things up.
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226. Chef!
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227. Huh?
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228. Do you feel better?
- No.
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229. Oh, come on, children,
what can be so bad?
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230. It's Salisbury steak day.
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231. Visitors took
Kyle's baby brother.
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232. What?
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233. What the hell do you
think you're doing
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234. in school eating
Salisbury steak?
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235. Go find him, damn it.
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236. Mr. Garrison won't
let us out of school.
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237. He thinks
we're making it up.
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238. You are making it up.
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239. Whoa.
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240. What?
- That was cool.
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241. It's some kind of symbionic
metamorphosis device.
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242. This can mean the visitors
want to communicate with us.
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243. Oh, I see.
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244. Now you're gonna join in
on the little joke, huh?
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245. It's no joke, children.
This is big.
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246. Please, Chef, if I don't
get out of school
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247. and get my brother back
from the aliens,
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248. my parents are
gonna disown me.
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249. Uh, hold on, now.
Hold on, now.
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250. You got to help
the children.
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251. Hey, you guys sure
are going a long way
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252. to try and scare me.
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253. I want my Salisbury steak!
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254. Fire drill,
fire drill.
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255. Everybody out.
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256. Okay, children,
this is your chance.
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257. Killer.
Thanks, Chef.
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258. Man, oh, man.
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259. First contact with
the alien visitors.
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260. I've got to
get myself ready.
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261. Oh, you guys!
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262. My ass, seriously!
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263. Okay, Cartman, you can stop
farting fire now.
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264. I would if I could,
you son of a bitch.
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265. Okay, so how do we get
my little brother back?
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266. Hey, would you stop going on
about your little brother?
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267. I know
it was just a dream.
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268. I know I didn't
have an anal probe.
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269. And I know that
I'm not under alien control.
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270. What the hell was that?
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271. He is under
alien control.
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272. That thing in his butt
Copy !req
273. is linked up
to the visitors.
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274. Oh, son of a bitch.
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275. You guys shut up.
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276. I'm not under alien control.
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277. Hey, if you visitors
can hear me...
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278. Hey.
- Bring me back
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279. my little brother,
God damn it!
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280. Ow, that hurts,
you butt licker!
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281. Kyle, look, it's them.
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282. Give me back
my brother!
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283. Oh, my God,
they killed Kenny!
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284. You bastards!
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285. Come back here!
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286. Come back!
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287. Damn it!
We were so close.
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288. Hey, look,
I think Kenny's okay.
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289. Oh.
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290. Wow, poor Kenny.
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291. Now do you believe us,
Cartman?
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292. No.
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293. Cartman,
they killed Kenny.
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294. He's not dead.
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295. Dude, Kenny is dead.
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296. See?
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297. Shut up, you guys.
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298. He's dead, Cartman.
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299. God damn it, I didn't
have an anal probe!
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300. Screw you guys.
I'm going home.
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301. Go on and go home,
you fat chicken.
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302. Dildo!
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303. You're all I have left,
Stan.
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304. Sorry, dude, I gotta
go meet Wendy Testaburger.
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305. You can't.
Poor Ike must be so scared.
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306. Up there all alone.
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307. You gotta help me dude.
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308. Dude, like Chef says,
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309. I gotta get
a piece of loving
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310. while the getting's hot.
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311. Rats.
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312. Hello, Eric.
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313. Hi, Mom.
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314. How are you doing?
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315. Well, I'm pissed off.
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316. Here, I made you powdered
donut pancake surprise.
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317. I don't want powdered
donut pancake surprise.
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318. All the kids in school
call me fat.
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319. You're not fat,
you're big boned.
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320. That's what I said.
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321. You can have an
eensy-weensy bit, can't you?
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322. No.
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323. Just a weensy-eensy
woo-woo?
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324. No, leave me alone, Mom.
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325. How about a nice chocolate
chicken pot pie then?
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326. But... well,
that sounds pretty good.
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327. Uh, Mom?
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328. Yes, hon?
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329. If anybody calls
or comes over,
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330. I'm not here, okay?
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331. Sure, hon.
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332. You want some
Cheesy Poofs too?
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333. Yeah,
I want Cheesy Poofs.
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334. Well, looks like she's
not gonna show up, Stan.
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335. Let's go look for
the visitors now.
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336. But her note said
she'd be here.
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337. Hi, Stan.
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338. Ew.
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339. You can't talk to Stan,
Wendy.
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340. He throws up when you do.
Copy !req
341. But why, Stan?
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342. Ew.
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343. Look, could you guys
just get down to business
Copy !req
344. so we can find
my little brother?
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345. Huh?
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346. Just make sweet love
down by the fire.
Copy !req
347. What happened to
your little brother?
Copy !req
348. As the reports of
UFO sightings increase,
Copy !req
349. more mysterious crop circle
patterns are appearing
Copy !req
350. in fields all around
South Park.
Copy !req
351. These crop circles,
when viewed from above,
Copy !req
352. form strange patterns.
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353. Hey, that kind of
looks like... Tom Selleck.
Copy !req
354. Could it be that
aliens are trying to
Copy !req
355. make contact with us,
here on Earth?
Copy !req
356. No, kitty,
this is my pot pie.
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357. No, kitty, that's a bad kitty!
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358. No, kitty, this is my pot pie!
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359. Mom, kitty's being a dildo.
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360. Well, then I know
a certain kitty kitty
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361. who's sleeping
with Mommy tonight.
Copy !req
362. What?
Copy !req
363. And now I have to
go home without him,
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364. and my parents are
gonna have me killed.
Copy !req
365. Well, why didn't you go
get the fat kid?
Copy !req
366. Why?
- Well...
Copy !req
367. if the fat kid has something
implanted in his ass,
Copy !req
368. maybe the visitors
are using him
Copy !req
369. as part of their plan.
Copy !req
370. You should use
the fat kid as bait
Copy !req
371. to bring them back.
Copy !req
372. Hey,
you're right, Wendy.
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373. Come on, Stan, we have
to go get Cartman.
Copy !req
374. Come on, Stan.
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375. Ew.
Copy !req
376. Hey, wait.
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377. When do I get to
make sweet love?
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378. No, kitty,
you can't have any.
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379. No, kitty,
this is my pot pie!
Copy !req
380. Bad kitty!
Copy !req
381. Oh.
Excuse me, kitty.
Copy !req
382. Eric, look who's here.
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383. Dude, weak, Mom.
Copy !req
384. Come on, Eric, we're gonna
go play at the bus stop.
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385. I can't.
My mom says—
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386. That's okay, Eric.
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387. I think you need
to spend time
Copy !req
388. with your little friends.
Copy !req
389. But Mom, I don't want
to spend time with my...
Copy !req
390. Don't be difficult, Eric.
Copy !req
391. Now, you go out and play
in the fun snow.
Copy !req
392. God damn it.
Copy !req
393. You guys,
I have to get home.
Copy !req
394. Don't be such
a fraidy cat, Cartman.
Copy !req
395. This rope will make sure
Copy !req
396. they can't take you
on board again.
Copy !req
397. Oh, man, this sucks.
Copy !req
398. How come the visitors
aren't coming for him?
Copy !req
399. I think we have
to signal them somehow.
Copy !req
400. Ow!
Copy !req
401. Hey, he's like Rudolph.
Copy !req
402. Yeah, all you have to do is
fart some more, Cartman,
Copy !req
403. and the visitors
are sure to come.
Copy !req
404. Really?
Copy !req
405. Uh, I don't think I have
to fart anymore tonight.
Copy !req
406. Sure you do.
Copy !req
407. Come on, Cartman, fart.
Copy !req
408. I don't wanna.
Copy !req
409. He can't hold it in forever.
Copy !req
410. Fart, damn you!
Copy !req
411. Okay, that does it.
Copy !req
412. Now, listen,
Copy !req
413. why is it that
everything today
Copy !req
414. has involved things
either going in
Copy !req
415. or coming out
of my ass?
Copy !req
416. I'm sick of it.
Copy !req
417. It's completely immature.
Copy !req
418. Hey, it's happening again.
Copy !req
419. Whoa, look at that.
Copy !req
420. Now do you believe us,
Cartman?
Copy !req
421. You guys can't scare me.
Copy !req
422. I know
you're making it all up.
Copy !req
423. Cartman, there's
an 80-foot satellite dish
Copy !req
424. sticking out of your ass.
Copy !req
425. Sure, you guys.
Whatever.
Copy !req
426. Oh, boy,
Copy !req
427. the aliens are going
to make first contact.
Copy !req
428. Hey, down here!
Copy !req
429. We are ready
for your wisdom!
Copy !req
430. And you only
got 20 minutes
Copy !req
431. before "Sanford and Son"
is on.
Copy !req
432. You guys,
I am seriously
Copy !req
433. getting pissed off
right now!
Copy !req
434. I know there's
no such thing as aliens!
Copy !req
435. Oh, God damn it!
Copy !req
436. What the—?
Copy !req
437. I tell you, there's crazy stuff
going on in this town.
Copy !req
438. You can say that again,
Mr. Garrison.
Copy !req
439. Come down here,
you stinking aliens.
Copy !req
440. Uh, uh...
Copy !req
441. Go on, Kyle,
Copy !req
442. ask them for
your little brother back.
Copy !req
443. V-visitors,
Copy !req
444. this morning
you took my brother, Ike.
Copy !req
445. He's the little freckled kid
Copy !req
446. that looks like a football.
Copy !req
447. At first I was happy
you took him away.
Copy !req
448. But I've learned
something today.
Copy !req
449. That having
a little brother
Copy !req
450. is a pretty special thing.
Copy !req
451. Yeah.
- Aw, heck, Mr. Visitors,
Copy !req
452. I'm just a kid all alone
in this crazy world.
Copy !req
453. But if you can find it
in your hearts
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454. or whatever you have
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455. to give my brother
back to me,
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456. it sure would make
my life brighter again.
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457. That was beautiful, dude.
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458. Did it work?
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459. Nope, they're leaving.
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460. Hey,
you scrawny assed!
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461. What the is
wrong with you?
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462. You must be
some kind of
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463. to be able to ignore
a crying child!
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464. Whoa, dude.
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465. You know what
you like?
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466. You like to...
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467. Hey, Wendy,
what's a?
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468. Ike, jump down, now!
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469. For the love of God,
Ike, jump!
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470. Don't hurt me.
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471. Moo.
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472. Come on, Ike.
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473. I promise I'll be nice
to you from now on.
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474. Don't kick the baby.
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475. What the hell are
they talking about?
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476. Ike!
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477. Ike, do your impersonation
of David Caruso's career!
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478. It's my turn.
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479. You guys,
get me down from here!
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480. Help!
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481. Help!
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482. Sons a bitches!
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483. Dildo!
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484. Phew, I'm sure glad
that's over with.
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485. Yeah, boy, am I glad
to see you, Ike.
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486. Fly in the sky.
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487. Wait.
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488. Where are you going,
alien visitors?
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489. Come back.
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490. Well, Chef, where's
this amazing thing
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491. you were gonna show us?
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492. Well, it's in
the bedroom, ladies.
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493. Come on in.
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494. Come on, Ike,
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495. we can make it
just in time for dinner.
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496. Thanks for your help,
Wendy.
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497. Whatever, dude.
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498. Hey, I didn't throw up.
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499. Cool.
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500. Ew.
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501. Sorry.
- Hey, look, a French fry.
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502. Cool.
- And what is that?
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503. I think it's part
of a Cheesy Poof.
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504. Hey, what's that?
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505. Well, hey, what about that?
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506. I don't know what
the hell that is.
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507. Gee, the bus will
be here any minute.
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508. And Cartman still
isn't around.
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509. Yeah, we're running
out of friends.
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510. I wonder what
that thing was
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511. that the visitors
gave the cows?
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512. Ha-ha, cows,
I got you cornered.
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513. Let's see you
get away now.
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514. Oh, hey, Cartman.
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515. Wow, Cartman.
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516. The visitors
dropped you off
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517. just in time
to go to school.
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518. Oh, man,
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519. I had this crazy
nightmare last night.
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520. Really?
What about?
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521. Well, I was standing
out in a field
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522. and I had
this huge satellite dish
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523. sticking out of my butt.
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524. And then there was
hundreds of cows and aliens
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525. and then
I went up on the ship
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526. and Scott Baio
gave me pink eye.
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527. That wasn't a dream,
Cartman.
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528. That really happened.
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529. Oh, right.
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530. Why don't I have
pink eye then?
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531. Cartman,
you do have pink eye.
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532. Oh, son of a bitch.
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