1. All right, guys-
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2. Now let's go back
and talk about infinitives.
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3. Remember — Those are verbs
combined with the word "to."
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4. Oh,
my fucking God.
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5. An infinitive acts like a noun,
as in "I want to go out to eat,"
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6. or'I hope
to be chosen today."
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7. - What?
- I'm so bored, dude.
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8. to split "to" and the verb,
but sometimes you can.
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9. Knock it off!
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10. Is there a problem, guys?
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11. Go get my pen, fat-ass!
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12. I'm am not
your slave, Kyle.
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13. Go get my pen!
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14. Attention, students.
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15. Kyle Broflovski, report to
the principal's office, please.
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16. P.C. Principal
wants to see you, Kyle!
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17. Kyle Broflovski to
the principal's office. M'kay?
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18. - God damn it.
- Have fun, dude.
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19. Oh! Kyle.
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20. Uh, thank you for coming.
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21. Where's P.C. Principal?
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22. I think he's
finally lost it, Kyle.
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23. He and his P.C. buddies
are on a hunger strike.
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24. They're calling
for people's resignations!
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25. Kyle, P.C. Principal
had problems
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26. with Jimmy and with Leslie.
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27. And now they're missing.
M'kay?
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28. Nobody knows
where they are.
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29. That's what happens.
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30. You go against P.C.,
and you just end up missing.
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31. M'kay?
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32. What are you talking about?
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33. P.C. Principal had issues
with them, m'kay?
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34. And he had issues
with you, Kyle.
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35. Whatever's going on,
it's pretty damn scary.
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36. For years, mankind has
tried to rid the world of ads.
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37. For our ancestors,
ads couldn't be avoided.
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38. But everyone knew what was an ad
and what wasn't.
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39. After many years,
mankind invented cable,
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40. a way to pay for television
so there would be no ads.
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41. But somehow,
the ads still found a way.
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42. And so mankind invented TiVo,
a way to skip past commercials.
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43. Finally, it appeared
to be the end of ads.
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44. And everywhere, people rejoiced.
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45. The ads were stopped.
Or so it seemed.
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46. With the rise of the Internet,
suddenly the ads
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47. had an e-entirely new way
to attack us.
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48. Pop-ups.
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49. The top scientific minds
were brought together
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50. to find a way to stop the ads
once and for all.
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51. They invented the ad blocker.
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52. Suddenly, there were no ads
on phones, on computers.
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53. And everywhere, people rejoiced.
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54. But the ads adapted.
They became s-smarter.
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55. They disguised themselves
as news.
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56. All around the world,
people read news stories
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57. completely unaware
they were reading ads.
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58. And now the ads have taken the
next step in their evolution.
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59. They have taken human form.
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60. Ads are among us.
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61. They could be your friend,
your g-gardener.
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62. The ads are trying
to wipe us out.
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63. The question is, how?
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64. So, um...
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65. South Park kind of sucks now.
You guys want to bail?
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66. What?
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67. What are you
talking about?
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68. It's just, you know, used to be
nice and laid-back here,
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69. but now it's all "ngh,"
you know?
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70. Like — Like now everybody's
all, "ngh-ngh."
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71. Let's bail.
You want to bail, Stan?
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72. No, I don't.
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73. What's going on, Randy?
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74. Nothing! I just — You know,
we don't have to live here.
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75. We could live anywhere!
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76. Last month,
all you could talk about
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77. was how great
this town had become.
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78. What changed your mind?
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79. We can't afford it.
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80. We can't affort it?
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81. All these fancy
new restaurants and shops
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82. and everyone
wants to live here.
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83. A bowl of City Beef costs
10 bucks now, for Christ's sake.
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84. And there's nowhere to shop
but stupid Whole Foods.
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85. Well, we'll just have to stop
going to those places.
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86. I had to take out
a second mortgage on the house.
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87. You what?
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88. I had to Sharon!
It isn't my fault!
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89. It's the Man!
Don't you see?
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90. The Man is pricing us
out of our own town.
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91. It's just my luck.
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92. I talk to a nice girl,
seem to hit it off,
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93. and she turns out
to just be an ad.
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94. Well, that's what an ad does.
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95. She was designed
to entice and manipulate.
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96. This is such a fantastic story
for the school newspaper.
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97. Why don't we just run it so that
everybody knows the truth?
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98. Jimmy, we're newsmen like you.
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99. For decades, we used
our soft, buttery voices
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100. to inform the people
about what's happening.
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101. Then we watched
as our entire industry
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102. was taken over by the ads.
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103. Some of our colleagues
were manipulated
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104. into doing the ads' bidding.
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105. The man who came to your house
with a gun was one of them.
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106. Our own Kevin Jarvis has more.
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107. Thanks, Tom.
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108. Jimmy, the man
who tried to kill you
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109. was Brian Bouyant
of WXNR, Fort Collins.
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110. When he saw there was
no money in news anymore,
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111. he sided with the ads
even though he knew
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112. it meant the destruction
of our species.
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113. Back to you, Tom.
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114. Thanks, Kevin.
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115. The only hope for the truth
to get out there, Jimmy,
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116. is for you see through
this ad's deception
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117. and to find out
what they're planning.
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118. Your Super School News
was a threat to them.
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119. But unless you get
this little bitch to talk,
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120. we may never know why.
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121. Dude, Kyle!
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122. Will you look at this?
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123. "Principal sends
two favorite students
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124. on a Disney Cruise.
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125. This week, students
Jimmy Valmer and Leslie Meyers
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126. are being treated
to an all-expenses-paid vacation
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127. for their outstanding school" —
What the hell is this?
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128. It doesn't make
any sense, dude.
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129. P.C. Principal
is using the school paper
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130. to cover something up.
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131. Yeah, I — I don't want
to get involved.
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132. You don't want to get involved?
Dude, what's wrong with you?
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133. I've already learned you can't
win against P.C. Principal.
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134. You should know,
of all people,
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135. since he's converted
your dad.
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136. What's that
supposed to mean?
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137. Fellas, we found out
what happened to Jimmy!
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138. He got to go on a vacation
for being an exemplary student.
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139. That is not
what happened.
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140. Something is
very wrong here.
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141. We all have to stand up
to P.C. Principal together.
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142. Yeah, and wasn't
Jimmy the one
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143. in charge of
the school newspaper?
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144. So who's putting this out?
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145. I like the school paper.
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146. I like to type with my hands.
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147. Who told you
that the principal sent Jimmy
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148. on a Disney Cruise?
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149. Uhhhhh...
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150. Uhhhhh...
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151. Uh, don't remember.
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152. You have quotes in here
from Jimmy.
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153. Did you talk to him?
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154. Uhhhhh...
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155. Uhhhhh...
I like the school paper.
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156. Come on.
We'll get to the bottom of this.
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157. Did I do good, computer?
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158. I think the sponsored content
fooled them.
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159. I hope
I made you happy.
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160. Can you see me, computer?
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161. Do you know what I'm thinking
right now?
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162. Ahh, thanks,
computer.
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163. We have to make sure
nobody recognizes us.
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164. There's no telling
who works for who.
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165. Here, Caitlyn, I got you
this fake mustache to put on.
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166. I'm not putting on a mustache.
I'll look silly.
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167. Oh, that — that's where you
draw the line, huh, Caitlyn?
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168. Don't be an asshole.
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169. No, you're right.
That's nuts.
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170. A woman
wearing a mustache —
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171. That's just ridiculous,
okay.
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172. All right, all right.
I'll put it on. Fuck.
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173. No, no, please, Cait.
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174. Don't put on a fake mustache.
That's crazy.
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175. You don't want people thinking
you're a weirdo.
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176. I mean, geez.
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177. You're such
an asshole.
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178. What the hell is this?
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179. What have they done
to my town?
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180. Keep your voice down!
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181. Since when do we have
a flippin' Whole Foods?
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182. Everything's changed.
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183. Hi, there.
You got a minute for gay rights?
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184. Gay rights?
Geez, you already got all those.
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185. What the hell
do you want to do now?
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186. All right.
Your total is $126.39.
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187. And would you like to give
a dollar to help hungry children
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188. get iPads to protect
your Internet safe space today?
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189. I will.
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190. What the Sam hell
is going on?
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191. Why would anyone think that I'm
on the principal's side?
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192. I hate the principal.
I think he's a dick.
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193. So you don't know anything
about the principal
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194. that might be newsworthy?
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195. Super School News-worthy?
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196. Just that he hated me
and called me a blabbermouth.
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197. I don't think
I'm a blabbermouth.
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198. I just like
talking to people.
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199. Leslie,
what kind of plans do you have?
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200. Do you have any plans?
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201. What kind of plans?
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202. Just, you know, plans.
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203. Like, what are
you hoping to accomplish?
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204. I don't know.
What are your plans?
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205. Well, I want
to pursue careers
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206. in both news reporting
and comedy.
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207. Really?
That's different.
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208. Yeah, you're pretty different
yourself, Leslie.
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209. How so?
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210. I'm starting to think that maybe
all ads aren't so bad.
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211. Jimmy, you're thinking
with your dick.
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212. - I am not thinking with my dick.
- Yes, you are.
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213. - No, I just think that she's —
- Put your dick away.
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214. She's an emotional, interesting,
caring girl.
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215. Jimmy.
That's your dick talking.
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216. Believe me,
I know how you feel.
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217. Ads promise us things.
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218. Ads are perfect.
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219. But make no mistake —
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220. All ads lie,
and all ads deceive.
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221. There — Leslie's Instagram
and her Twitter.
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222. Last entry was
10 days ago.
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223. What about Jimmy's?
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224. Jimmy never used
that stuff, remember?
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225. He said he hated
using the Internet.
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226. How do you hate the Internet?
That's like hating titties.
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227. What are you doing now?
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228. I'm just looking
for any news articles
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229. or anything
about P.C. Principal.
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230. Where did you say
P.C. Principal was from?
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231. I think
it was Vermont.
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232. Maybe there's something
from the news in Vermont
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233. that can give us
a clue about —
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234. God damn it.
What the hell is this?
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235. That's an ad for skiing
in Vermont.
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236. That looks fun!
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237. Dude!
Dude, look at this.
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238. "How P.C. culture
is changing Vermont
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239. from a state
of intolerance to a" —
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240. Dude, there it is again!
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241. - Mrph?
- It's that goddamn guitar!
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242. This ad is
fucking following me!
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243. - Just click out of it.
- I'm trying!
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244. God damn it,
get over here!
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245. That's a pretty
sweet-looking guitar.
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246. It is pretty cool, dude.
It tunes itself.
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247. How does it do that?
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248. It's this company that does all
kinds of high-tech instruments.
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249. See, look, I'll show you.
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250. Oh, that's sweet.
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251. Send me the link to this
so I can —
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252. Oh, dude, that new
"Frankenstein" movie's out.
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253. I totally
want to see that.
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254. That movie's
gonna suck, dude.
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255. Hit the arrow. I want to see
where it's playing.
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256. Oh, sorry.
Wrong arrow button.
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257. Wow! What kind of
ice cream is that?
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258. Yeah, yeah,
so — so, Clyde says to Token,
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259. "Why don't you open
a bank account with your mouth
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260. so I can deposit
my dick in it?"
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261. So then
what did Token say?
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262. Token was all like —
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263. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait,
whoa, whoa.
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264. What the hell
are we doing?
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265. Eating ice cream, dipshit.
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266. But what about Jimmy?
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267. We were, like, totally trying to
find out what happened to him.
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268. Whoa.
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269. What the hell
just happened?
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270. We got distracted!
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271. We got to get back
to that computer!
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272. Now, this here is
a dry riesling.
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273. You're gonna experience
vanilla aftertones
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274. and a nutty finish.
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275. You mean like someone
put their balls in the glass?
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276. Nah, like chestnuts, damn it.
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277. I just can't keep up
with this town no more.
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278. Everything's gettin'
all nice and fancy.
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279. I swear I'm gonna
need to get a second mortgage
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280. on the ranch
just to pay my daily expenses.
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281. Don't you get it?
That's just what they want.
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282. Nobody cares about the people
who lived here before.
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283. They want us to move
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284. 'cause they want
to knock our houses down
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285. and build more lofts and villas.
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286. All right, Randy,
you should probably lay off
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287. the old-vine
Châteauneuf-du-Pape.
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288. You'll all see.
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289. Pretty soon, everyone
who used to live here
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290. is gonna have to move,
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291. and we'll all be shopping
at Safeway again.
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292. Oof!
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293. You like apples?
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294. How you like them apples?
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295. Hey, it's Caitlyn Jenner!
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296. Check his ass.
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297. Principal Victoria?
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298. - He's one of them.
- One of what?
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299. Caitlyn.
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300. Okay, Leslie,
let's try a different approach.
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301. Let's say you wanted to destroy
an entire species.
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302. How would you
go about it?
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303. Why would I want to destroy
an entire species?
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304. You have the wrong idea
about me, Jimmy.
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305. The person trying
to change things
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306. and make everything terrible
is the new principal.
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307. And what is the new principal
trying to do, Leslie?
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308. He's trying to make sure
people like you and me
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309. aren't allowed to exist.
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310. I know that
you're trying to help.
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311. I know that the newsmen in
there are trying to help, too.
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312. But now I'm going to tell you
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313. something very important,
Jimmy.
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314. What the hell is that?
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315. Tom, it looks like
a pop-up ad.
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316. How did an ad
get in here?
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317. Let's go to David
at the network hub.
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318. No answers here, Tom.
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319. We're trying
to correct the problem.
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320. You have to get me
out of here, Jimmy.
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321. - They're going to kill me.
- What?
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322. Listen to me carefully,
and don't look at the glass.
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323. I feel something for you
I have never felt before.
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324. I think it's trust.
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325. The men in there
are sick with hatred,
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326. and as soon as they realize
I have no information,
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327. they are going to burn me.
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328. I've seen them
do it to others.
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329. Please, you have to
help me, Jimmy.
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330. Don't let them hurt me.
Please don't abandon me.
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331. When the lights go back on,
just look at me and smile.
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332. David, any word
on the pop-up-ad situation?
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333. Tom, we've just about
got it fixed.
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334. Should be ready now.
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335. And that's really it,
Jimmy.
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336. I want to help all of you
however I can.
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337. So then Token tells Clyde
that if his mouth was a bank,
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338. Clyde's mom would have already
deposited her dick in it,
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339. which is hilarious
because Clyde's mom is dead!
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340. Wait, wait, wait,
whoa, whoa.
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341. What the hell
are we doing?
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342. We're trying on shoes and eating
chicken nuggets, stupid.
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343. What do you think?
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344. No. That's not
what we set out to do.
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345. We were —
We were on Cartman's computer,
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346. looking up news stories
about P.C. Principal.
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347. Didn't we finish
doing that?
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348. No, we didn't.
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349. It's like someone's
trying to distract us because
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350. they're worried what
we'll uncover about P.C. people.
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351. Yeah, like one of us
is purposely trying to keep us
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352. from digging too deep
because they're afraid.
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353. - Why are you looking at me?
- Why are you looking at me?
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354. Why isn't anyone
looking at me?
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355. Hey, fuck you.
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356. Wake up, dickhead.
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357. Garrison? What the hell
is wrong with you?
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358. I'll tell you
what's wrong with me.
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359. There's enemies to humanity
out there,
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360. wanting to put an end
to all of us,
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361. and there's assholes like you
helping them out!
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362. I don't know
what you're talking about.
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363. Whose idea was it to revitalize
the shitty part of town
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364. into an arts-and-foods district
called Shi Tpa Town?
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365. All right,
it was kind of my idea.
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366. Son of a bitch.
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367. What, to take one area of town
that was crappy
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368. and gentrify it
for the local people to enjoy?
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369. I thought
we could keep it contained!
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370. It doesn't contain.
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371. What's happened to South Park
is happening everywhere.
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372. 30 miles south of here
in the town of Fairplay,
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373. they've changed an area
north of downtown into NODOFOPA.
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374. A run-down area south of the
capitol in Cheyenne, Wyoming,
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375. is now historic SOCACHEYWO.
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376. Channel Street
in mid-Chicago
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377. is being revitalized
into Chimichanga.
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378. Oh, my God.
Copy !req
379. all happening at the same time.
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380. And it isn't just in the U.S.
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381. In Cairo, the area northwest
of the third pyramid is NoWE3Pi.
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382. Three miles north of Auschwitz
is NoMoAuchie.
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383. - It goes on and on!
- What does it mean?
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384. In our town, it all started
when P.C. Principal arrived.
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385. He's part
of a much larger conspiracy,
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386. and you're his lackey.
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387. Not me.
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388. If P.C. Principal has been
using us,
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389. I'll take
the bastard down myself.
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390. It's day two
of the hunger strike
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391. started by the college-aged
fraternity brothers
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392. who are demanding
that all of South Park's
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393. community leaders step down.
Copy !req
394. The P.C. frat brothers say
they've gone now two days
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395. without eating any pussy
Copy !req
396. and will continue to do so
until people resign.
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397. Who is that reporter?
Do we know him?
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398. Tom, that's Bill Keegan, WCFO.
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399. Thanks, Brian. He's working
for the ads, obviously.
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400. Sellout douchebag.
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401. That's right, Tom.
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402. He was always a douchebag
at the conventions.
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403. Thanks, Rick.
Stay dry.
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404. Leslie, come on.
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405. Jimmy, you're gonna help me?
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406. Yeah, I'm gonna help you.
I mean, come on.
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407. Jimmy!
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408. Oh, Jesus,
he let her out!
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409. P.C. Principal is our enemy,
not her.
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410. His dick is compromised.
Stay back!
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411. It is not my dick.
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412. I'm thinking rationally
and with logic.
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413. I am taking her
out of here.
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414. Well, then, I'm sorry
I have to do this, Jimmy.
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415. Officer Barbrady, we need you
to shoot these kids.
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416. What?
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417. The ad has gotten to him.
There's no time to argue.
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418. I'm not shooting
any more kids!
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419. Do you want
to save your town?
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420. Officer Barbrady,
we have to stop P.C. Principal
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421. before it's too late!
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422. Barbrady,
shoot them in their heads!
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423. No! I'm not shooting
any more people —
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424. not for you,
not for anybody!
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425. You're making the worst mistake
of your life, Officer.
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426. Maybe so.
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427. All I know
is I'm done shooting people.
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428. Aah!
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429. Oh, sorry.
Geez.
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430. Damn it!
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431. Think about it,
you guys.
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432. From the moment
P.C. Principal took over,
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433. Kyle's been different.
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434. - Haven't you noticed?
- Yeah.
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435. He's distracting us,
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436. either because he's too afraid
or because he...
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437. What are you guys
talking about?
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438. Nothing!
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439. Stan's calling you
a traitor.
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440. What?
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441. Kyle, I think
it's pretty obvious
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442. you don't want us investigating
P.C. Principal.
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443. - Why do you think that, Stan?
- I don't know.
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444. Because if anyone
has a reason for us
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445. to not mess with P.C. Principal,
it's you!
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446. Let's not forget
that Stan's dad
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447. is P.C. Principal's
little bitch!
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448. That's a good point!
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449. I am loving this
right now.
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450. My dad's stupid,
not a bitch.
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451. This is about
you being scared, Kyle!
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452. It is you, isn't it?
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453. That's why you're trying
to shift blame on me.
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454. That's very Cartman
of you, Stan.
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455. Oh, that's low.
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456. Don't you dare
call me a Cartman!
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457. No, that's good.
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458. Just keep on
distracting everybody.
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459. It seems to be working,
Cartman.
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460. Fuck you,
Kyle!
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461. Fight!
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462. Time to take
this asshole down.
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463. Whoa, whoa, whoa!
Guys, whoa!
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464. We can't just
go walking in there.
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465. Why not?
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466. This is a safe space.
We're not allowed past this.
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467. When you breach
a college safe space,
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468. you're crossing the most sacred
human boundary there is.
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469. Oh, give me a break.
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470. No, no, no, no, no.
Look, this is very real
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471. and very important
in P.C. culture.
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472. Every human has a right
to a safe space.
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473. It cannot be entered.
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474. Yeah, it can.
Watch.
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475. Wow, how did you...
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476. Whoa!
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477. Burning the midnight oil,
huh, Nathan?
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478. - Jimmy!
- You son of a bitch.
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479. What have done
to the Super School News?
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480. I was just holding down the fort
while you were away, Jim.
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481. Writing headlines sponsored
by P.C. Principal and the ads?
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482. How much
did they pay you?
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483. Please, Jimmy.
I'm just trying to survive here.
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484. Everyone's gonna know
the truth, Nathan.
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485. We're getting a new edition of
the school paper out by morning.
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486. Everyone's gonna know
all about the ads.
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487. Deal with him.
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488. Leslie,
I thought we were b-besties.
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489. Hey there, big man.
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490. Editor of the school paper, huh?
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491. You still don't even know
half the story.
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492. It's clear.
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493. Where is everybody?
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494. I thought the news said
they're on a hunger strike.
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495. This doesn't make sense.
Someone's always here.
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496. Take a look at this.
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497. What the hell?
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498. It looks like
he was researching this.
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499. You see this news story?
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500. If this is true,
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501. then P.C. Principal
was trying to help.
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502. Click on that.
What is that?
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503. No, click out of that.
What is this?
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504. So then —
So then Caitlyn says,
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505. "Look, bitch,
you're married to Bill Clinton.
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506. If anyone should be afraid
of AIDS, it's you.“
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507. That stupid bitch
had it coming.
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508. Oh, God,
I love you, Cait.
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509. We are so gonna win
the primaries.
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510. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Wait, wait, wait.
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511. What — What were
we doing again?
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512. Leslie?
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513. You're trying to find out
what's going on, right?
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514. But your friend is
standing in your way?
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515. How do you know that —
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516. I can show you what's going on,
Kyle, but you have to trust me.
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517. What's the last four digits
of your soc?
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518. 2692.
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