1. I'm goin' down to South Park,
gonna have myself a timeCopy !req
2. Friendly faces everywhereCopy !req
3. Humble folks
without temptationCopy !req
4. Goin' down to South Park,
gonna leave my woes behindCopy !req
5. Ample parking day or nightCopy !req
6. People spouting...
Howdy, neighbor!Copy !req
7. Heading on up to South Park,
gonna see if I can't unwindCopy !req
8. Come on down to South Park
and meet some friends of mineCopy !req
9. Attention all unitsCopy !req
10. in the vicinity
of South Park Elementary.Copy !req
11. We have a code red.Copy !req
12. Principal calling for help
during school assembly.Copy !req
13. All officers needed at once.Copy !req
14. The school?Copy !req
15. Oh, geez Louise!Copy !req
16. We need to get to the gym.Copy !req
17. Half go this way,
half go around the side.Copy !req
18. Barbrady, you go around back.Copy !req
19. On three.Copy !req
20. One, two...Copy !req
21. There she is, officers,
right there.Copy !req
22. I told you to stop chatting with
your friends, didn't I, Leslie?Copy !req
23. You see, officers,
apparently Leslie thinksCopy !req
24. that talking to her friends
is more importantCopy !req
25. than learning about diversity
in third-world countries.Copy !req
26. It's that one.Copy !req
27. That's her, right there.
You remove her from my school.Copy !req
28. Nobody move!
What's happening?Copy !req
29. - Get her out of here!
- Oh, they've got me!Copy !req
30. This town is outraged,
Officer Barbrady.Copy !req
31. People are tired of the policeCopy !req
32. not being held accountable
for their actions.Copy !req
33. Mayor, I didn't know if there
was a gunman or a bomb...Copy !req
34. You shot an unarmed
6-year-old Latino child.Copy !req
35. I'm sorry.Copy !req
36. You are fired.Copy !req
37. No, Mayor, please.Copy !req
38. This is all I know.Copy !req
39. I used to be the only policeman
in this town, remember?Copy !req
40. Bob, I used to chase away
the sixth graders for you.Copy !req
41. You're from another time,
Barbrady,Copy !req
42. and the last thing
that needs to go.Copy !req
43. Your gun and your badge.Copy !req
44. And your sunglasses.Copy !req
45. No. Please. Not my sunglasses.Copy !req
46. You're done, Barbrady.Copy !req
47. The town doesn't want you here.Copy !req
48. Where should I go?Copy !req
49. You should have thought of that
before you shot a Mexican.Copy !req
50. Latino American.Copy !req
51. Latino American. Shit.Copy !req
52. You should go away.Copy !req
53. You don't belong anywhereCopy !req
54. in a town
as progressive as this one.Copy !req
55. Hey, quiet down over there.
I'm trying to sleep.Copy !req
56. God damn it.
You people all get out of here!Copy !req
57. What makes you in charge?Copy !req
58. 'Cause this is my fucking house!Copy !req
59. Hey, beat it, man,
or I'll make you my bitch!Copy !req
60. Yeah, we've got a bunch
of drug-addict vagrantsCopy !req
61. trespassing in our yard,
and we need assistance.Copy !req
62. Oh, is that so?Copy !req
63. Well, we'd like to
come help you,Copy !req
64. but we don't want to get fired.Copy !req
65. What are you talking about?Copy !req
66. There's homeless people here,
and they're scaring my kids.Copy !req
67. You need to come
do something about this.Copy !req
68. I see.Copy !req
69. And are any of these homeless
people of a minority persuasion?Copy !req
70. Why does that matter?Copy !req
71. Oh, it matters.Copy !req
72. See, used to be we could beat up
minorities, and nobody cared.Copy !req
73. It's the reason a lot of us
joined the force.Copy !req
74. Hey, Mitch, you want to go down
and arrest some homeless people,Copy !req
75. but not be able to beat up
any minorities?Copy !req
76. No, thank you.Copy !req
77. Yeah, no, I think we're good.Copy !req
78. In fact, we're thinking of maybeCopy !req
79. turning the whole department
into a hula school.Copy !req
80. What do you think?Copy !req
81. God damn it!Copy !req
82. - What are they doing?
- They're not coming!Copy !req
83. But they have to!Copy !req
84. Karen brought in one of their
syringes, for Christ's sake!Copy !req
85. Well, it's just too bad.Copy !req
86. The cops won't come,Copy !req
87. so there's nobody
to scare the homeless away.Copy !req
88. Hey, sweetheart.Copy !req
89. I've... I've been let go
from the force.Copy !req
90. I'm so sorry.Copy !req
91. Don't worry, old girl.Copy !req
92. Might be a little tough
to afford your medication,Copy !req
93. but I'll find a way.Copy !req
94. You know me.Copy !req
95. I like to help.Copy !req
96. I like to be needed.Copy !req
97. You guys! Oh, my God, you guys!Copy !req
98. You guys, they're gay!
They're totally gay.Copy !req
99. Who?Copy !req
100. Kenny and Token.Copy !req
101. What?Copy !req
102. Kenny and Token, dude.Copy !req
103. They're so gay. Butters told me.Copy !req
104. - You're lying.
- No, dude.Copy !req
105. In those old, abandoned
buildings around Kenny's house,Copy !req
106. Kenny and Token turned it
into a big ninja clubhouse,Copy !req
107. and they dress up
and play ninja in it,Copy !req
108. trying to scare people away.Copy !req
109. How is that gay?Copy !req
110. It's the gayest thing ever,
dude!Copy !req
111. Ninjas are fucking dumb!Copy !req
112. Dude, come on!
We got to go see this!Copy !req
113. Over this way!Copy !req
114. We will defend our ninja honor.Copy !req
115. Intruders! Defend the base!Copy !req
116. Hey, guys, did you come
to see our ninja fortress?Copy !req
117. Oh, my God.
They're so gay, you guys.Copy !req
118. You and Kenny built all this?Copy !req
119. Yeah, with Clyde and David too.Copy !req
120. You guys should come
and check it out.Copy !req
121. No. We're good, thanks.Copy !req
122. Oh, my God, dude.
It's a sausage party.Copy !req
123. It's pretty cool, dude.
People are really scared of us.Copy !req
124. Yeah, I'm sure they are.Copy !req
125. Hey, excuse me, man.
Do you know where...Copy !req
126. Oh, my God, go!Copy !req
127. Go, go, go!Copy !req
128. That's pretty cool.Copy !req
129. Well, the way I heard it was
that the girl in the schoolCopy !req
130. wasn't even doing anything,
just talking too loud,Copy !req
131. and someone ends up
getting shot.Copy !req
132. Hey! What do you want?Copy !req
133. It's okay. I'm off-duty.Copy !req
134. Just came for a nice pinot.Copy !req
135. Yeah? Well,
go somewhere else, copper.Copy !req
136. Shi Tpa Town is for people
who care about each other.Copy !req
137. We don't take kindlyCopy !req
138. to folks who impose
their authorityCopy !req
139. on the underprivileged.Copy !req
140. Now, look, not all copsCopy !req
141. are racist,
trigger-happy assholes.Copy !req
142. Really?Copy !req
143. I'll bet you don't even know
what farm to table means.Copy !req
144. - Yeah!
- That'll show him!Copy !req
145. All right! All right!Copy !req
146. We've only had a Whole Foods
for a month,Copy !req
147. and already we don't need cops.Copy !req
148. So cool.Copy !req
149. It is a great honor to see
that you all want to be ninjas.Copy !req
150. Joining our club
is very serious.Copy !req
151. You must promise to uphold
the Warrior's code.Copy !req
152. Totally, dude. Ninjas are sweet.Copy !req
153. Together, we must strive to make
our fortress super badassCopy !req
154. and keep all intruders out.Copy !req
155. To that end, let us proceed
to our training.Copy !req
156. Dude, can I talk to you
for a minute?Copy !req
157. Listen, I don't think we should
let Kyle be a ninja, okay?Copy !req
158. He said ninjas were gay.Copy !req
159. He's probably gonna try
and turn it around on me,Copy !req
160. but that's 'cause Kyle knows
I heard him.Copy !req
161. You're talking to Kyle
right now.Copy !req
162. Yeah, cool.Copy !req
163. It's me... Butters.Copy !req
164. You're the one who said
ninjas were gay.Copy !req
165. Why do you want to make this
a problem?Copy !req
166. I'm... I'm just Butters, man.Copy !req
167. I have problems
with lots of things.Copy !req
168. Hey, Eric, you want
to try sparring with me?Copy !req
169. Yes, I do, Butters.Copy !req
170. Intruders!Copy !req
171. Yeah, it's right up here.Copy !req
172. We can shoot up
in these abandoned buildings.Copy !req
173. The town of South ParkCopy !req
174. is holding
a large protest tonightCopy !req
175. outside of their
police department.Copy !req
176. The townspeople say the protest
is meant to begin a dialogueCopy !req
177. about the relationship between
law enforcementCopy !req
178. and the citizens
they are supposed to protect.Copy !req
179. Fuck the policeCopy !req
180. Comin' straight
from the undergroundCopy !req
181. A young nigga got it bad
'cause I'm brownCopy !req
182. And not the other color,
so police thinkCopy !req
183. They have the authority
to kill a minorityCopy !req
184. Fuck that shit
'cause I ain't the oneCopy !req
185. For a punk motherfucker
with a badge and a gunCopy !req
186. To be beatin' on
and thrown in jailCopy !req
187. We can go toe to toe
in the middle of a cellCopy !req
188. Fuck the policeCopy !req
189. Fuck, fuck, fuck the policeCopy !req
190. Fuck, fuckCopy !req
191. Pulling out a silly club,
so you standCopy !req
192. With a fake-ass badge
and a gun in your handCopy !req
193. But take off the gun
so you can see what's upCopy !req
194. And we'll go at it, punk,
and I'm'a fuck you upCopy !req
195. Ice Cube will swarmCopy !req
196. On any motherfucker
in a blue uniformCopy !req
197. Just 'cause I'm from the CPTCopy !req
198. Punk police are afraid of meCopy !req
199. A young nigga on the warpathCopy !req
200. And when I'm finished,
it's gonna be a bloodbathCopy !req
201. Of cops dying in L.A.Copy !req
202. Yo, Dre,
I got something to sayCopy !req
203. Fuck the policeCopy !req
204. Fuck the policeCopy !req
205. Are your children being lured
into terrorist organizations?Copy !req
206. A shocking report showsCopy !req
207. that some kids in the town
of South ParkCopy !req
208. are swearing loyalty
to a murderous regime.Copy !req
209. Yeah, we're pretty badass,Copy !req
210. and, um, this is, like,
our fortress,Copy !req
211. and you can see
it's pretty cool.Copy !req
212. And what about this way
of life is attractive to you?Copy !req
213. Well, it's just cool
'cause we're tough,Copy !req
214. and we fight and stuff.Copy !req
215. - And we can...
- Yeah, yeah, yeah!Copy !req
216. And it's like
we can do whatever we want,Copy !req
217. and people are scared of us.Copy !req
218. It's totally rad.Copy !req
219. Then why did you say
it was gay before?Copy !req
220. Oh, my God!
I never said it was gay!Copy !req
221. Wait, he said this was gay?Copy !req
222. That is a total lie!Copy !req
223. Why would I say
something homophobicCopy !req
224. about the way
Tweek and Craig make love?Copy !req
225. He's a lying, backstabbing Jew!Copy !req
226. I'm Stan.Copy !req
227. No doubt the growing number
of kids swearing loyalty to ISISCopy !req
228. could be problematic
for the progressive town.Copy !req
229. Here you go, old girl.Copy !req
230. We'll just have to make do.Copy !req
231. Spare a dollar?Copy !req
232. No, I don't.
I'm sorry. Thank you.Copy !req
233. God damn it.Copy !req
234. Mayor, I didn't bust my ass
to gentrify this part of townCopy !req
235. to have it overrun
with homeless people.Copy !req
236. Why are they all
suddenly coming here?Copy !req
237. Mayor, what are you going
to do about this?Copy !req
238. My wife and I
can barely eat or shop.Copy !req
239. When a town like ours
has a homeless problem,Copy !req
240. it must look at the root
of what's causing it.Copy !req
241. - It's ISIS!
- What?Copy !req
242. There's these troubled kidsCopy !req
243. who've turned their backs
on America.Copy !req
244. They've taken over SodoSopa,
forced all the homeless out.Copy !req
245. Why would kids in our town
want to be a part of that?Copy !req
246. They're just bad kids,Copy !req
247. rotten on the inside,
probably with shitty parents.Copy !req
248. Son, I've always tried
to be a fair dad.Copy !req
249. I don't want to make you
angry, but... Why?Copy !req
250. Well, Dad, I just really
like being a part of something.Copy !req
251. I feel like it's
character-building,Copy !req
252. and it's lots of fun.Copy !req
253. Fun?Copy !req
254. But what do you believe in?Copy !req
255. What do we believe in?Copy !req
256. We believe in something greater
than ourselves,Copy !req
257. and that by following
our strict warrior code,Copy !req
258. we believe that our faiths
and our traditionsCopy !req
259. are a way to a greater path,
the path of the warrior.Copy !req
260. And as long as we stay united
in honor,Copy !req
261. we can defeat all our enemies.Copy !req
262. The fellas were right.Copy !req
263. People are really freaked out
by ninjas.Copy !req
264. Okay, we've just got to be
really apologeticCopy !req
265. and tell them
we didn't mean it, okay?Copy !req
266. Geez. This is so embarrassing.Copy !req
267. What if they won't help us
with the homeless?Copy !req
268. I'm pretty sure
the police will help outCopy !req
269. if it's because ISIS
is taking over the town.Copy !req
270. Officers, there's kids in town
who have joined ISIS.Copy !req
271. We don't know who they are,
but they...Copy !req
272. What? What's that you say?Copy !req
273. The town is in danger,
all right?Copy !req
274. We don't know
what these kids are capable of.Copy !req
275. Geez. I'm sorry.Copy !req
276. We've got to work
on our Kaholo KoloaCopy !req
277. and get the lomilomi chicken
ready for the big Ho'olaule'a,Copy !req
278. which leaves us, oh,Copy !req
279. not enough time
to deal with ISIS.Copy !req
280. All right, look,
there's homeless peopleCopy !req
281. all over our gentrified
food-and-arts district.Copy !req
282. If you don't stop
these twisted kids, then...Copy !req
283. Hey, who was it that said
fuck the police?Copy !req
284. Was that Ice Cube? Tupac?Copy !req
285. Oh, right, that was you guys!Copy !req
286. Sorry, but I guess you'll
have to find somebody elseCopy !req
287. to do all the difficult,
dirty shitCopy !req
288. you don't want to do yourselves.Copy !req
289. I got to be ready for the luau.Copy !req
290. I might even kiss a dude.Copy !req
291. So, then, after you told me,Copy !req
292. we both went over
to Kyle and Stan,Copy !req
293. where they were playing
basketball, remember?Copy !req
294. Yeah.Copy !req
295. And we said Kenny and Token
were playing ninja,Copy !req
296. and Kyle said
that ninjas were gay.Copy !req
297. And I said, ninjas are gay?
But it was a question.Copy !req
298. You remember?Copy !req
299. - I thought you said it first.
- No, no, no, no.Copy !req
300. See, now, Kyle's got everyone
remembering it wrongCopy !req
301. because he doesn't want
to get kicked out of the group.Copy !req
302. That's what Jews do
when they're caught in a lie.Copy !req
303. You cannot trust
a Jewish ninja, Butters.Copy !req
304. You guys, you guys!Copy !req
305. What?Copy !req
306. Actual ninjas
want to talk to us.Copy !req
307. What?Copy !req
308. Kenny and I both just gotCopy !req
309. the same e-mail
from people overseas.Copy !req
310. Whoa, dude!Copy !req
311. How'd they find out who we were?Copy !req
312. They're fucking ninjas, dude!Copy !req
313. So you are the brave childrenCopy !req
314. who have committed to our cause.Copy !req
315. We have heard
of what you are doing,Copy !req
316. and we are very impressed.Copy !req
317. Cool. Thanks, dude.Copy !req
318. What you are doing
is very important,Copy !req
319. and we would like to help you
however we can.Copy !req
320. We are going
to be wiring you some money.Copy !req
321. Whoa! Cool!Copy !req
322. This is the greatest thing ever,
you guys!Copy !req
323. Excuse me,Copy !req
324. could I just set the record
straight on something?Copy !req
325. Of course.Copy !req
326. Should Jews be trusted?Copy !req
327. I mean, if one of us is a Jew,Copy !req
328. do you see that
as being at all problematic?Copy !req
329. Extremely.Copy !req
330. Yes! Yes!Copy !req
331. What did I tell you guys?Copy !req
332. Hey, Barbrady.Copy !req
333. Officer Barbrady?Copy !req
334. Wha... Who?Copy !req
335. Hey, buddy.Copy !req
336. What do you want?Copy !req
337. How would you like
to be a policeman again?Copy !req
338. I'm no good as a policeman.Copy !req
339. I'm a bumbling old fool.Copy !req
340. That is not true.
Who said that?Copy !req
341. Look, Barbrady, the fact is,
the town needs you.Copy !req
342. They need me? To do what?Copy !req
343. We need you to shoot some kids.Copy !req
344. No! Shoot kids?Copy !req
345. I don't want to shoot kids!Copy !req
346. These are really bad kids.
Terrorists.Copy !req
347. This is totally different
from before.Copy !req
348. Are any of them minorities?Copy !req
349. A couple of them we think, yeah.Copy !req
350. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!Copy !req
351. Shh! Look, look, look!Copy !req
352. Barbrady! Barbrady!Copy !req
353. We were wrong about you.
I was wrong about you.Copy !req
354. You protected this townCopy !req
355. back before
anybody else ever did.Copy !req
356. You used to do it
all on your own.Copy !req
357. We need you to do that again.Copy !req
358. You're the only cop
this town needs, Barbrady.Copy !req
359. Go shoot those kids.Copy !req
360. Guys, I know this is hard
for all of us,Copy !req
361. but to truly be ninjas,
we must face hard facts.Copy !req
362. Last night, I spoke in private
with our ninja leader overseas.Copy !req
363. We talked a long time about Jews
and the Hebrew faith.Copy !req
364. He told me a lot I didn't know,Copy !req
365. and I was able to tell him
some things he did not know.Copy !req
366. But after talking with that guy,Copy !req
367. it is abundantly clear to me
that Jews cannot be ninjas.Copy !req
368. I went to Kyle's house
to talk to him about it,Copy !req
369. and I found this.Copy !req
370. It was then
that Kyle confessed to meCopy !req
371. about how he had brainwashed
Butters and Stan into thinkingCopy !req
372. I had used a homophobic slur
to refer to our organization.Copy !req
373. And he almost got away with it.Copy !req
374. That's when Kyle tried
to kill me.Copy !req
375. Luckily, I was the faster ninja.Copy !req
376. Kyle knew I would never
call ninjas gay.Copy !req
377. When I take the gag off,Copy !req
378. he's going to try and tell you
that I'm lying now.Copy !req
379. Do not believe him.
Kyle is a liar.Copy !req
380. I'm right here.Copy !req
381. Who... Who's this?Copy !req
382. That's Clyde.Copy !req
383. And I am Token.Copy !req
384. Why do I do these things,
you ask?Copy !req
385. Black rage.Copy !req
386. Oh, Jesus.Copy !req
387. ISIS. Oh, God.Copy !req
388. This chicken tastes like shit.
What'd you do to it?Copy !req
389. Okay... Okay, Dad,
it's not organic chicken.Copy !req
390. I'm not comfortable shopping
at Whole FoodsCopy !req
391. with all the homeless people
there.Copy !req
392. But don't worry.
That's all about to change.Copy !req
393. Soon we'll all have Shi Tpa Town
to enjoy again.Copy !req
394. Where's Stan?Copy !req
395. He's playing ninjas
over at Kenny's house.Copy !req
396. Ninjas? That's gay.Copy !req
397. He's playing ninjas
at Kenny's house?Copy !req
398. Yeah.Copy !req
399. You mean SodoSopa?Copy !req
400. Wait a minute.Copy !req
401. Ninjas.Copy !req
402. Scary.Copy !req
403. Gay.Copy !req
404. Scary.Copy !req
405. Gay.Copy !req
406. Scary. Gay. Scary. Gay.Copy !req
407. Randy, what are you doing?Copy !req
408. Scary. Gay. Scary. Gay.Copy !req
409. Scary... Gay! St-a-a-a-an!Copy !req
410. Oh, I get
the misunderstanding now!Copy !req
411. No, see, I told Clyde
that Kyle said ninjas were gay,Copy !req
412. but Clyde thought I was Kyle,Copy !req
413. so then he was saying
that I said ninjas were gay.Copy !req
414. Meaning I as in Kyle.Copy !req
415. Nobody ever gave
a shit, you fat turd.Copy !req
416. All those in favorCopy !req
417. of Cartman being kicked out
of our ninja club?Copy !req
418. Hai!Copy !req
419. No! You can't kick me out!Copy !req
420. I have to be a ninja.
They hate Jews.Copy !req
421. I was made for this, you guys!
Please!Copy !req
422. What should we do with him?Copy !req
423. Freeze!Copy !req
424. Oh, shit!Copy !req
425. Please!
I don't want to shoot you!Copy !req
426. Cool. Don't.Copy !req
427. I understand you're feeling
angry at this town.Copy !req
428. I'm getting pretty angry too.Copy !req
429. But we can't give up on it.Copy !req
430. Please, boys.Copy !req
431. Don't make this end violently.Copy !req
432. They're just stupid ninjas!Copy !req
433. What were you thinking?Copy !req
434. Boys innocently playing ninja,
and you pull your gun on them?Copy !req
435. David Rodriguez
was lucky to live.Copy !req
436. Everybody told me
they were terrorists!Copy !req
437. We thought they were!Copy !req
438. But if it turns out they aren't,
as a policeman,Copy !req
439. you have to figure that out!Copy !req
440. But you said
you needed me to kill some kids!Copy !req
441. Oh, he's gonna
lay this on us now.Copy !req
442. I said kill some kids,Copy !req
443. but I said it
as a question, remember?Copy !req
444. I said, kill some kids?Copy !req
445. I'm sorry, but we just can't
cover your ass on this one.Copy !req
446. There's going to be
an investigation and...Copy !req
447. You just don't have
what it takesCopy !req
448. to be a policeman
in today's times.Copy !req
449. Do you even know
what farm to table means?Copy !req
450. Let's go, people.
You can't stay here.Copy !req
451. You are being relocated.Copy !req
452. Hey, you can't kick us
out of here, man.Copy !req
453. Oh, no? I'm a cop.Copy !req
454. Thank you, officers.Copy !req
455. We've got a deal, right?Copy !req
456. Yes.Copy !req
457. All right, you. Come on.Copy !req
458. Please! You can't take me back
to SodoSopa!Copy !req
459. ISIS is there!Copy !req
460. No, those were just ninjas.Copy !req
461. Ninjas? Oh, that's so gay.Copy !req
462. I told you guys.
What did I tell you?Copy !req
463. I said ninjas are fucking gay,
but you didn't want to listen.Copy !req
464. Nooo.Copy !req
465. Officer Barbrady.Copy !req
466. Yes?Copy !req
467. We've been watching you.Copy !req
468. And what we seeCopy !req
469. is a man who truly wants
to protect his town.Copy !req
470. You do?Copy !req
471. You've been in this town
longer than almost anyone.Copy !req
472. Have you noticed changes lately?Copy !req
473. Yeah, a lot of changes.Copy !req
474. They aren't
a coincidence, Officer.Copy !req
475. They are all part of a planCopy !req
476. to take down your beloved town
and everyone in it.Copy !req
477. What?Copy !req
478. What do you know about
a little girl named Leslie?Copy !req