1. All right, everyone. Listen up.Copy !req
2. Today, we're gonna be
showing you some artCopy !req
3. from our Asian-American
students, and —Copy !req
4. Damn it, Leslie!
Shut your fucking pie hole!Copy !req
5. From our
Asian-American studentsCopy !req
6. presented by
student-body presidentCopy !req
7. Wendy Testaberger.Copy !req
8. Hey, guys.Copy !req
9. As you know,
we have several new studentsCopy !req
10. here at
South Park Elementary.Copy !req
11. We have been getting to know
some of the Asian girls,Copy !req
12. who have introduced us
to an art style called yaoi.Copy !req
13. Yaoi is a blend
of emotion and beautyCopy !req
14. involving two people
whose love is looked down upon.Copy !req
15. The art tries to show
that all love is magical,Copy !req
16. like in Lisa Akimoto's piece,Copy !req
17. Forbidden Love."Copy !req
18. What?Copy !req
19. Kelly Zhou goes
a bit more whimsicalCopy !req
20. Moonlight Dance."Copy !req
21. Dude, what the fuck?Copy !req
22. In yaoi art, the seme, or "top,"Copy !req
23. is usually dominating
the uke, or "bottom,"Copy !req
24. as demonstrated
in Heather Nishimura'sCopy !req
25. Boizu Rabu."Copy !req
26. But yaoi can branch out
to other things, as well...Copy !req
27. Uh-oh.Copy !req
28. as we see here in
"Lily, Frog, Tweek, and Craig."Copy !req
29. I just don't get it.Copy !req
30. I mean, Tweek and Craig
aren't gay, right?Copy !req
31. No.
We would know.Copy !req
32. Well, but then why would
Asian girls draw them like that?Copy !req
33. Yeah, what is
this yaoi thing all about?Copy !req
34. I'm so c-confused.Copy !req
35. And if it can happen
to Tweek and Craig,Copy !req
36. could it happen
to any of us?Copy !req
37. Uh, excuse me.
Why are you doing this?Copy !req
38. Oh, hi, Craig.Copy !req
39. What?
What did she say?Copy !req
40. I don't know. That was Korean.
I'm Japanese.Copy !req
41. What is going on, huh?Copy !req
42. Me and him aren't together!
Why is this happening?Copy !req
43. Everyone thinks I'm gay!Copy !req
44. What if my parents find out?
Aah!Copy !req
45. All right, guys,
I know there's beenCopy !req
46. a lot of rumors
flying around.Copy !req
47. Just wanted to check in, see if
you have any questions for me.Copy !req
48. Why are the Asian girls drawing
pictures of us being gay?Copy !req
49. What's wrong with being gay?
Nothing wrong with that.Copy !req
50. But we aren't.
I'm not.Copy !req
51. I'm not either!Copy !req
52. That is completely
irrelevant, okay?Copy !req
53. What matters, and the reason
I brought you in here,Copy !req
54. is that you understand
affirmative consent.Copy !req
55. What's that?Copy !req
56. If there is
a romantic relationship here,Copy !req
57. you have to make sure
your partner is comfortableCopy !req
58. with any sexual exploration.Copy !req
59. Aah!Copy !req
60. Now, in a gay relationship,
it gets a little trickier,Copy !req
61. but you still have to follow
some guidelines, all right?Copy !req
62. But I'm not gay!Copy !req
63. I don't care
about that, bro!Copy !req
64. Tweek, if —
and I'm only saying if —Copy !req
65. at some point you wanted
to touch Craig's penis,Copy !req
66. you can't just go grabbing
for it, all right?Copy !req
67. You would need to say
something like,Copy !req
68. "Craig, is it all right with you
if I touch your penis?"Copy !req
69. Okay?
Let's try it out.Copy !req
70. No!Copy !req
71. You want two weeks detention
instead?Copy !req
72. This shit's important!Copy !req
73. Craig, can I touch
your penis?Copy !req
74. Okay. Good.Copy !req
75. Now, Craig, you might say,Copy !req
76. "You may touch my penis.
I'm comfortable with that."Copy !req
77. Or, of course,
you could say,Copy !req
78. "No, you may not touch my penis
at this time."Copy !req
79. No, you may not.Copy !req
80. Okay.
Now we're getting somewhere.Copy !req
81. Now, Craig,
what would you sayCopy !req
82. if you wanted to take a gander
at Tweek's asshole?Copy !req
83. Randy, you should have
a talk with Stan.Copy !req
84. For what?Copy !req
85. I guess something happened
at school todayCopy !req
86. involving two of Stan's friends
being gay.Copy !req
87. What?Copy !req
88. Yeah, Stan seems
really perplexed.Copy !req
89. Wow.Copy !req
90. Our town has only had
a Whole Foods for three weeks,Copy !req
91. and we already have
our first gay kids.Copy !req
92. So cool.Copy !req
93. Go talk to him, Randy,
and be delicate.Copy !req
94. Hey, bud.Copy !req
95. How's it hanging?Copy !req
96. I'm confused, Dad.
There was this thing at school.Copy !req
97. Well, guess what.Copy !req
98. You've got a really
progressive P.C. dadCopy !req
99. who knows all about
this stuff, okay?Copy !req
100. Go ahead.
Ask me anything.Copy !req
101. I just don't understand
how it's decided.Copy !req
102. Ah, well, you see,
it's a combinationCopy !req
103. of genetic, hormonal,
and environmental influences.Copy !req
104. No, I mean, like,
what makes the Asians decideCopy !req
105. who they're gonna make gay?Copy !req
106. The Asians?Copy !req
107. The Asians decide
who's gonna be gay?Copy !req
108. Uh, uh, yeah.
Yeah, they do.Copy !req
109. Uh, the Asians just,
you know —Copy !req
110. They just pick
who they pick,Copy !req
111. and, um, so it's
the way it's always been.Copy !req
112. So, you've heard of yaoi?Copy !req
113. Yeah, of course.Copy !req
114. Yaoi, anal intercourse,
Maui Zaui.Copy !req
115. I-I know
all this stuff, Stan.Copy !req
116. Oh, hey, Thomas!Copy !req
117. Hey, we heard
about Craig.Copy !req
118. We think
it's just terrific.Copy !req
119. What about Craig?Copy !req
120. Thomas!Copy !req
121. I'm so glad
that Craig is finally happy.Copy !req
122. Hey, it's Craig's dad,
everybody!Copy !req
123. Tweek's out of coffee, honey.Copy !req
124. Oh, here you go, kiddo.Copy !req
125. Tweek, is there anything
you want to talk to us about?Copy !req
126. No.Copy !req
127. Well, we heard
that you're gay.Copy !req
128. And I want you to know we've
never been so proud of you.Copy !req
129. Oh, God!Copy !req
130. We thought
you were just a spaz,Copy !req
131. but to know you've got
so much going on inside...Copy !req
132. We're so proud of you,
Tweek.Copy !req
133. Knowing what I know now,Copy !req
134. I'm gonna be
a much better dad to you.Copy !req
135. In fact, I just —Copy !req
136. I just want to give you
some money, Tweek.Copy !req
137. Can I give you some money?Copy !req
138. Here.
I-l love you so much, son.Copy !req
139. Dude, Tweek and Craig.Copy !req
140. It's just so weird.Copy !req
141. If they've been gay
this whole time,Copy !req
142. have they been
checking me out?Copy !req
143. I'm pretty sure
Craig has seen my wiener.Copy !req
144. Should I kick his ass?Copy !req
145. Oh, come on!Copy !req
146. What's wrong with two guys
liking each other?Copy !req
147. I just don't understand it,
Cupid Me.Copy !req
148. Wanting to, like,
kiss a dude?Copy !req
149. But if love is love,Copy !req
150. then it takes form in all shapes
and sizes. Tee hee!Copy !req
151. I guess just because
I don't understand itCopy !req
152. doesn't mean
I shouldn't support it.Copy !req
153. All right.Copy !req
154. Maybe you can
help them along.Copy !req
155. Really? Can I?Copy !req
156. Yes, Cupid Me.Copy !req
157. But make it quick,
and don't let anyone see you.Copy !req
158. Oh, thank you!
I will!Copy !req
159. Tee hee hee!
Tee hee hee hee!Copy !req
160. Tee hee hee!Copy !req
161. Tee hee hee!
Tee hee!Copy !req
162. You just need
a little spark of magic.Copy !req
163. Tee hee hee!Copy !req
164. And now I'm gonna pee
in your mouth.Copy !req
165. Ooh, love is in the air!Copy !req
166. Did you do it,
Cupid Me?Copy !req
167. I hit him
with my love arrow,Copy !req
168. and then I peed in his mouth
just for fun.Copy !req
169. That's awesome!Copy !req
170. That's so sweet!Copy !req
171. I thought
you might like that.Copy !req
172. Yeah, dude.
You're hilarious.Copy !req
173. And do you think
I'm cute, too?Copy !req
174. 'Cause I think
you're kind of cute.Copy !req
175. Stop that, Cupid Me.Copy !req
176. I told you I'm not homosexual.
Okay? It's not funny.Copy !req
177. Oh, well. At least Tweek
and Craig are in love now.Copy !req
178. Yep. School tomorrow
should be really interesting.Copy !req
179. And so then my dad
talked to me about it.Copy !req
180. Yeah?Copy !req
181. And my dad says Asians
have always done this,Copy !req
182. and they, like,
do make people gay.Copy !req
183. - You guys! You guys! Hurry!
- What?Copy !req
184. It's — It's
Tweek and Craig, dude!Copy !req
185. They're about to have sex!Copy !req
186. You got
a fucking problem, man?Copy !req
187. You're the one
with the fucking problem!Copy !req
188. I told you to stay
100 yards from me!Copy !req
189. You better not
fucking push me again, man!Copy !req
190. Oh, God, you guys.
Get a room.Copy !req
191. Hello. Mr. Tucker?Copy !req
192. I need to inform you
that your sonCopy !req
193. was in an altercation
at school today.Copy !req
194. Craig?
Craig got in a fight?Copy !req
195. Yes, with his boyfriend.Copy !req
196. Just a lovers' quarrel,
probably.Copy !req
197. God damn it.Copy !req
198. Something to be expected
in relationships.Copy !req
199. Apparently, there were
no affirmative-consent issues,Copy !req
200. as your son knows
the right wayCopy !req
201. to play with
another boy's penis.Copy !req
202. Oh, God.Copy !req
203. There's not gonna be
any disciplinary action.Copy !req
204. Since they are gay,
we want to be supportive.Copy !req
205. So we're just gonna
send them on homeCopy !req
206. with some money, all right?Copy !req
207. All right,
you have a nice day.Copy !req
208. Money?Copy !req
209. Uh, hi. Mr. Jinping?Copy !req
210. Thanks for taking my call.Copy !req
211. I was just wondering
if you could shed some lightCopy !req
212. on how your people
decide who will be gayCopy !req
213. and who will be straight.Copy !req
214. What?Copy !req
215. I'm sorry. I-I don't speak
Asian, but, urn...Copy !req
216. Oh, uh — Oh!Copy !req
217. Y-Yaoi. Yaoi, yes?Copy !req
218. Boyzu love-u.Copy !req
219. H-How does that work?Copy !req
220. That come from Japan.Copy !req
221. Oh, it's Japan
that decides?Copy !req
222. How the hell do they actually
make people ga—Copy !req
223. And Japan, of course,Copy !req
224. is who does the yaoi
to make people gay.Copy !req
225. They are dogs
who refuse not apologizeCopy !req
226. to the Chinese Republic!Copy !req
227. Uh-huh. Yes.Copy !req
228. That, of course, I do already
know about homosexuality.Copy !req
229. Hi. Flower delivery
for Eric Cartman.Copy !req
230. Oh, my.
How beautiful!Copy !req
231. Oh, look, sweetie!
Someone sent you flowers.Copy !req
232. "Can't we just try? TeeHee."Copy !req
233. Oh, man.Copy !req
234. Who are they from, hon?Copy !req
235. Someone who needs
a real talking to.Copy !req
236. Look, it's flattering, okay?Copy !req
237. But it doesn't change the factCopy !req
238. that there's nothing here
for you to keep pursuing.Copy !req
239. Tee hee hee! Aw, come on.
Let's be like Tweek and Craig.Copy !req
240. Everyone thinks they're cool.Copy !req
241. You are wasting your time.
I'm not attracted to guys.Copy !req
242. But I'm so attracted to you.Copy !req
243. I realize that, and I'm sorry.Copy !req
244. I need you to stop bothering me.Copy !req
245. This is done.Copy !req
246. I'm just not a homosexual.Copy !req
247. Well, hello, Craig.Copy !req
248. Honey, it's Craig.Copy !req
249. Aww, hi, Craig.Copy !req
250. Is Tweek home?Copy !req
251. He sure is.
Come on in.Copy !req
252. Would you like to have
some coffee, Craig?Copy !req
253. No, thank you.
I just want to see Tweek.Copy !req
254. Aww.Copy !req
255. Tweek's just
up in his room playing.Copy !req
256. You can go on up.Copy !req
257. Oh, uh, but keep the door open,
all right?Copy !req
258. They're so gay.Copy !req
259. Aargh! Aah! Unh!Copy !req
260. Aah!Copy !req
261. Hey, dude.Copy !req
262. Aah!Copy !req
263. No! No!
What are you doing here?Copy !req
264. Tweek, calm down.
We have to put a stop to this.Copy !req
265. There's no stopping it!Copy !req
266. The whole world wants me
to be something I'm not!Copy !req
267. Me, too, dude. But there's
something we can do.Copy !req
268. What?Copy !req
269. We have to come out
and say we're gay.Copy !req
270. What?
Are you insane?Copy !req
271. - That's got to be one of —
- Tweek, Tweek!Copy !req
272. Because if we're gay,
then we can break up.Copy !req
273. And if we break up,
no more pictures.Copy !req
274. We just have to stage
a fake breakupCopy !req
275. in front of the Asian girls.Copy !req
276. Like acting? No, man.
That is way too much pressure.Copy !req
277. You can do it, Tweek.Copy !req
278. You're capable of more
than you think.Copy !req
279. Ugh!
I'm a terrible actor.Copy !req
280. You just follow my lead and try
and make it believable, okay?Copy !req
281. On, God. Okay.
on, God!Copy !req
282. What did I do wrong,
huh?Copy !req
283. Everyone's so damn happy,Copy !req
284. but — but why did this
have to happen to my son?Copy !req
285. What did I do to
make my son like this?Copy !req
286. Hey, hey, whoa.
You didn't do anything.Copy !req
287. Oh, what?
You know about this?Copy !req
288. Yeah, let me handle this, guys.
I'm P.C.Copy !req
289. Look, Thomas, you need
to understand that being gayCopy !req
290. isn't a decision.Copy !req
291. You know, a lot of people
think that Asians decideCopy !req
292. who's gay and who's not.Copy !req
293. But it isn't all Asians.Copy !req
294. It's just specifically
the Japanese, okay?Copy !req
295. What?Copy !req
296. Why do the Japanese make
some people gay and others not?Copy !req
297. Well, it goes back
to World War IICopy !req
298. and atrocities
that happened in ChinaCopy !req
299. called the Rape of Don King.Copy !req
300. Well, you sure know
a lot about this.Copy !req
301. Yes, I do.Copy !req
302. No, dude.
I looked it up.Copy !req
303. Yaoi is just an art style
for girls by girlsCopy !req
304. because they like fictionalizing
two guys in a relationship.Copy !req
305. - But why?
- I don't know.Copy !req
306. But the point is,Copy !req
307. there's nothing about it
that means Tweek and CraigCopy !req
308. are actually gay at all.Copy !req
309. Hey, Tweek.
Hold up.Copy !req
310. Listen, it's just not
going to work.Copy !req
311. What?
Why not?Copy !req
312. I'm sorry, Tweek, but we can't
lie to ourselves anymore.Copy !req
313. Yes, we are gay.
But we do not belong together.Copy !req
314. We don't belong together?
What suddenly changed, Craig?Copy !req
315. It's just that people
are different. That's all.Copy !req
316. Uh-huh.
And who the hell is Michael?Copy !req
317. Huh?
You want to tell me that?Copy !req
318. Uh, what are you —
What are you talking about?Copy !req
319. I went through your phone when
we went out last night, Craig.Copy !req
320. I saw your text to Michael
about hooking up with him!Copy !req
321. Wait, uh —
T-That's not what happened.Copy !req
322. Oh, it's not?Copy !req
323. No. L-Look, we both know
this is for the better.Copy !req
324. Oh, don't use that
lame shit on me, man.Copy !req
325. You don't want to feel bad,Copy !req
326. so you try and tell me
what I want?Copy !req
327. Tweek, don't make me out
to be the bad guy here.Copy !req
328. No, you're not the bad guy.Copy !req
329. You're never the bad guy,
are you?Copy !req
330. You — You just step on people
and you use them!Copy !req
331. You're going too far, dude.Copy !req
332. This is, like,
totally not necessary.Copy !req
333. I'm going too far?
What is wrong with you?Copy !req
334. This wasn't part
of the plan.Copy !req
335. Well, guess what, Craig!
Love doesn't follow a plan!Copy !req
336. Yeah!Copy !req
337. I was totally wrong
about you.Copy !req
338. I opened myself up
and let you in.Copy !req
339. But you've got spikes, man.Copy !req
340. You've got spikes.Copy !req
341. Tweek!Copy !req
342. Dude, seriously?
Seriously?Copy !req
343. They — They broke up?Copy !req
344. What are you doing?
This place isn't you.Copy !req
345. I'm just here
to pick up on guys.Copy !req
346. Why? Are you jealous?Copy !req
347. No, I'm not.Copy !req
348. I'm here because
we need you right now.Copy !req
349. Oh, now you need me, huh?
Fuck you, dude.Copy !req
350. Fuck you.Copy !req
351. What is that kid
doing here?Copy !req
352. He's just kind of
talking to himself.Copy !req
353. The whole town is sad.
Cupid Me, you have to help.Copy !req
354. Well, I guess I could
try and help.Copy !req
355. In return for just
one date?Copy !req
356. I'm not homosexual!Copy !req
357. Then I guess
I'm not interested.Copy !req
358. All right. One date.Copy !req
359. But only if you help get
Tweek and Craig back together.Copy !req
360. Tee hee hee!
Tee hee hee hee hee!Copy !req
361. Hey, kid, what do you
think you're doing here?Copy !req
362. Oh, hey,
whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.Copy !req
363. I'm not here for me.
I'm here for my friend, okay?Copy !req
364. Hi.
ls Craig here, sir?Copy !req
365. Why can't you quit him?Copy !req
366. Thomas.Copy !req
367. Five minutes.
He's in the back.Copy !req
368. Hey, dude.Copy !req
369. What do you want?Copy !req
370. I thought when we broke up
everything would get better.Copy !req
371. I was thinking maybe we
should say we're back together.Copy !req
372. Dude, I'm not gay,
and neither are you!Copy !req
373. What does that have
to do with anything?Copy !req
374. You think you can just pull
that shit you pulled at school,Copy !req
375. saying I step on people
and use them,Copy !req
376. and I'll just
take you back?Copy !req
377. You said to make it
seem real.Copy !req
378. Not that real!Copy !req
379. Now everyone thinks
I'm a manipulative cheater.Copy !req
380. I'll never get any chicks.Copy !req
381. I'm so sorry, Craig.Copy !req
382. You — You made me
believe in myselfCopy !req
383. in a way I never have before.Copy !req
384. I didn't think I had any of that
in me, but you were right.Copy !req
385. I can do more than I think.Copy !req
386. You changed something in me,
and I just —Copy !req
387. I want to fix whatever's
hurting you now.Copy !req
388. I can't be something
because everyone wants me to be.Copy !req
389. I have to be myself.Copy !req
390. You'll just have to go
be gay with someone else.Copy !req
391. All right, Craig.
All right.Copy !req
392. I can see how much
they're both hurting, but...Copy !req
393. Can't you understand that in my
time we just didn't accept this?Copy !req
394. Maybe it's not so wrong.Copy !req
395. I — I just don't
want it to be my son.Copy !req
396. Tee hee hee!
Tee hee hee!Copy !req
397. You just need
a little prick of magic.Copy !req
398. I'm gonna pee in
your mouth a little bit.Copy !req
399. Then again,
he's my son no matter what.Copy !req
400. I can't just
shut down on him.Copy !req
401. Tee hee hee!
Tee hee hee hee!Copy !req
402. Son, you need to listen to me.Copy !req
403. You can't fight being gay.Copy !req
404. I used to think that
being gay was a choice,Copy !req
405. but you don't get
to decide.Copy !req
406. Japan picks who they pick,
and that's that.Copy !req
407. I don't understand
this stuff.Copy !req
408. Heck, I didn't even know
Don King got raped,Copy !req
409. but I do know that
if you try and resist it,Copy !req
410. you make yourself miserable
your whole life.Copy !req
411. Everyone was
so proud of you.Copy !req
412. I was just being selfish.
I want to be proud of you, too.Copy !req
413. I like gay Craig.
I love you.Copy !req
414. Here's $100.Copy !req
415. Gambaro irashai!Copy !req
416. Okay, okay.
The date's almost over.Copy !req
417. Tee hee hee!
Aren't you liking your massage?Copy !req
418. It's fine. It just doesn't
really do anything for me.Copy !req
419. Well, I've got something you
might like a little better.Copy !req
420. Cu— Cupid Me, no!
No! I'm straight!Copy !req
421. Tee hee hee hee!Copy !req
422. Cupid Me, what are you doing?
Oh, my God!Copy !req
423. Oh, Cupid Me,
that's enough!Copy !req
424. Okay, that's it, Cupid Me!
That's it!Copy !req
425. That's it, Cupid Me.
Okay, that's it.Copy !req
426. That's it, Cupid Me.Copy !req
427. Aww.Copy !req