1. I'm goin' down to South Park,
gonna have myself a timeCopy !req
2. Friendly faces everywhereCopy !req
3. Humble folks
without temptationCopy !req
4. Goin' down to South Park,
gonna leave my woes behindCopy !req
5. Ample parking day or nightCopy !req
6. People spouting,
"Howdy, neighbor!"Copy !req
7. Heading on up to South Park,
gonna see if I can't unwindCopy !req
8. Mrph rmhmhm rm!
Mrph rmhmhm rm!Copy !req
9. Come on down to South Park
and meet some friends of mineCopy !req
10. Okay, okay, okay.Copy !req
11. So this guy is running
for president,Copy !req
12. and he hates immigrants,
and he's basically an idiot.Copy !req
13. Not surprisingly,Copy !req
14. this guy is from
a predominantly white townCopy !req
15. called South Park, Colorado.Copy !req
16. Or Shitheads of America,
Incorporated.Copy !req
17. I'm not sure.Copy !req
18. Yeah, if this guy's the best
their town has to offer,Copy !req
19. can you imagine
who he left behind?Copy !req
20. Well, hey,
I'm from South Park!Copy !req
21. We don't take kindlyCopy !req
22. to respecting human beings!Copy !req
23. Y-You think
South Park has a university?Copy !req
24. Welcome toCopy !req
25. South Park University.Copy !req
26. Please open your shotguns
and slap your wives.Copy !req
27. I live in South Park,
and my IQ's so low,Copy !req
28. I gots to dig for it.Copy !req
29. Did someone say rape?Copy !req
30. That's the word for "clever"
here in South Park.Copy !req
31. That's not funny.Copy !req
32. So not cool.Copy !req
33. How does someone just
rip on us like that?Copy !req
34. I can't believe
Jimmy Fallon hates us.Copy !req
35. Jimmy Fallon loves everything.Copy !req
36. Why would he slam
our whole town?Copy !req
37. Because, apparently,
he doesn't care that his jokesCopy !req
38. are at the expense
of actual people.Copy !req
39. Do you think
it's true?Copy !req
40. Do you think we're really
bigoted country bumpkins?Copy !req
41. No, hey,
we are not bumpkins, okay?Copy !req
42. Kenny's a bumpkin.Copy !req
43. Mrph rmh rm!Copy !req
44. We don't have junked cars
in our yards.Copy !req
45. That's just your family,
Kenny.Copy !req
46. I just hope somebody
finds a way to fix this.Copy !req
47. I've called you all here because
South Park has an image problem.Copy !req
48. Thanks to Mr. Garrison,Copy !req
49. we are now being referred to as
"the shitheads of America."Copy !req
50. One of our more politically
sensitive citizensCopy !req
51. has proposed an idea
for this crisis,Copy !req
52. and I'd like you
to hear him out.Copy !req
53. Hello, everyone,
I'm Randy Marsh,Copy !req
54. and I've been P.C.
for almost two weeks now.Copy !req
55. You know
we've all been making changesCopy !req
56. to be more socially conscious,
but have we really done enough?Copy !req
57. The truth is there's something
we're lacking as a community,Copy !req
58. and it's time we all faced it.Copy !req
59. What this town needs
is a Whole Foods.Copy !req
60. - What?
- What?Copy !req
61. - Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
- Whole Foods?Copy !req
62. It would instantly validate
us as a townCopy !req
63. that cares about stuff!Copy !req
64. We couldn't get a Whole Foods
to open here!Copy !req
65. And why not?
Huh?Copy !req
66. We all just don't believe
we could get a Whole FoodsCopy !req
67. because we don't believe
in ourselves!Copy !req
68. Where could it even go?Copy !req
69. Mayor?Copy !req
70. I'm announcing a plan
for SodoSopa,Copy !req
71. a new urban developmentCopy !req
72. that will turn the most rundown
and dilapidated part of our townCopy !req
73. into a quaint center
of artisan shops and cafés.Copy !req
74. Lots of cities
are doing this.Copy !req
75. The area south
of downtown South ParkCopy !req
76. has always been the ugly eyesore
of this town.Copy !req
77. But now SodoSopa is going to
bring in the fresh, new vibrancyCopy !req
78. that Whole Foods
can't ignore.Copy !req
79. We'll keep
the existing structuresCopy !req
80. but add brick walkways
and some quaint white lights.Copy !req
81. A plaza in the middleCopy !req
82. will be a place
where young couplesCopy !req
83. can play with their toddlers.Copy !req
84. And it will all be
small businessesCopy !req
85. like artisan cheese shops
or noodle houses.Copy !req
86. Oh, this is
really exciting.Copy !req
87. I thought this area was just
gonna stay shitty forever.Copy !req
88. Mrph rmh rmhmhm rm!Copy !req
89. Who is?Copy !req
90. So you think you keep all
the existing structures?Copy !req
91. I do. It's part of what
gives a revitalized areaCopy !req
92. like this its charm
that the hipsters like.Copy !req
93. Hey, what are
you people doing?Copy !req
94. We're gentrifying.
It's all good.Copy !req
95. Okay, hold on.
Everyone, listen up.Copy !req
96. We understand that not everyone
is for the townCopy !req
97. spending money
on the SodoSopa project.Copy !req
98. We want everyone to be able
to voice their concerns.Copy !req
99. Yeah, I got concerns!Copy !req
100. I don't want you touching
my damn house!Copy !req
101. We realize that when
a rejuvenation like thisCopy !req
102. takes place, the lower-income
residents fearCopy !req
103. they'll be priced out
of the area.Copy !req
104. What lower-income residents?Copy !req
105. Me? I work hard and provide
for my family just fine!Copy !req
106. Stewart, come on.
Your house sucks.Copy !req
107. Fuck you!Copy !req
108. If you people want to
turn something intoCopy !req
109. a vibrant arts district,
then do it to Randy's house.Copy !req
110. My house is nice.Copy !req
111. Mr. McCormick,
you will be living inCopy !req
112. the most vibrant part
of the entire town.Copy !req
113. SodoSopa is the future
of South Park.Copy !req
114. There'll be amazing food
and incredible shopsCopy !req
115. right at your doorstep.Copy !req
116. And we want to assure
the lower-income familiesCopy !req
117. that we are going to take
the time to do this right.Copy !req
118. All right, guys.
Welcome to Steed.Copy !req
119. Do we have any allergies?Copy !req
120. No, nothing.
And we want to try everything!Copy !req
121. Wow.
Can you believe this place?Copy !req
122. Yeah.
The food is unbelievable.Copy !req
123. It's like a dream come true,
Nelson.Copy !req
124. This area is gonna
put our town on the map.Copy !req
125. I don't know what happen
all my customers.Copy !req
126. I use to have people
come in here, fill every table.Copy !req
127. Now it's like nobody
want anything to doCopy !req
128. with my authentic chitty food.Copy !req
129. This town is changing
so fast, you know?Copy !req
130. This town changing so fast.Copy !req
131. Everybody want to be P.C.,
be updated.Copy !req
132. It's like I'm a relic...Copy !req
133. a rost relic from another time,
you know?Copy !req
134. I don't know. Sometime I feel
like I outstayed my welcome.Copy !req
135. That's just how I feel,
you know?Copy !req
136. Uh-huh.Copy !req
137. It's like my accent make people
uncomfortable or something.Copy !req
138. How a Chinese man supposed
to survive in this world?Copy !req
139. Oh, welcome to Chitty Wok.
Can I take your order, please?Copy !req
140. Hey, Mike,
what you doing, man?Copy !req
141. The guys are all meeting
down at SodoSopa.Copy !req
142. At what?Copy !req
143. They've totally revitalized
this area south of downtown.Copy !req
144. - You got to check it out.
- Oh, sweet, dude.Copy !req
145. SodoSopa?Copy !req
146. What the hell is a SodoSopa?Copy !req
147. What the fuck?Copy !req
148. Mommy,
can we go eat outside?Copy !req
149. No, we can't go
eat outside.Copy !req
150. But, Mommy,
they have ice cream.Copy !req
151. We can't afford
$10 ice cream, all right?Copy !req
152. If you want nice things,
then go out and get a job!Copy !req
153. Except you won't make moneyCopy !req
154. because you just bust your ass
and then barely get byCopy !req
155. while everyone around you
gets richer!Copy !req
156. Just face it.Copy !req
157. Things are never gonna change
around here.Copy !req
158. - What's he gonna say?
- Maybe they won't even answer.Copy !req
159. Shh, shh, shh, shh, shh!Copy !req
160. Hi. Um, yes.Copy !req
161. My name is Randy Marsh,
and, um, we would like toCopy !req
162. try and get a Whole Foods
in our town.Copy !req
163. Yes, that's right.Copy !req
164. Uh, yes.Copy !req
165. It's, uh, South Park, Colorado.Copy !req
166. No, no, no, no, no!
No, no, no, no, no!Copy !req
167. It's not at all what you think!
It...Copy !req
168. Yes, it's where the presidential
candidate is from.Copy !req
169. No, no, no, no, no!
No, no, no, no, no!Copy !req
170. Hold on, hold on, hold on!
SodoSopa, SodoSopa!Copy !req
171. We have a SodoSopa!Copy !req
172. The town is completely
different! SodoSopa!Copy !req
173. We have an arts
and entertainment district.Copy !req
174. Cultural.Copy !req
175. Yes. Okay.Copy !req
176. Okay.
Yes, I-I understand.Copy !req
177. Thank you.Copy !req
178. They said they maybe might
send over a representative.Copy !req
179. There's a certain quality
to the vibe and energyCopy !req
180. that is SodoSopa,Copy !req
181. from the independent merchants
and unique cafésCopy !req
182. to the rustic charm
of a mixed-income crowd.Copy !req
183. Where else can you let loose
your wild sideCopy !req
184. while still being a part
of helping the local economy?Copy !req
185. And now a chance to own a pieceCopy !req
186. of this most exciting area
of South Park.Copy !req
187. Announcing The Lofts
at SodoSopa.Copy !req
188. 2,000-square-foot flatsCopy !req
189. that put you right in the heart
of it all.Copy !req
190. After a night out eating
and shopping in SodoSopa,Copy !req
191. just take a few steps,
and you're home.Copy !req
192. With modern styling,
these lofts are sleek,Copy !req
193. sexy, and oh so SodoSopa.Copy !req
194. And for those
very privileged few,Copy !req
195. the most private and exclusive
ownership opportunity is here.Copy !req
196. Announcing The Residences
at The Lofts at SodoSopa.Copy !req
197. Now you can have access
to luxury refinedCopy !req
198. while still just steps away
from the action.Copy !req
199. These finely appointed
residences all featureCopy !req
200. state-of-the-art finishesCopy !req
201. and balconies with views
of historic Kenny's house.Copy !req
202. It's a place to laugh.Copy !req
203. It's a place to gather.Copy !req
204. A place to mingle with people
of all economic classes.Copy !req
205. And now it's a place to live.Copy !req
206. SodoSopa. Welcome home.Copy !req
207. And we are
going to take business backCopy !req
208. from SodoSopa!Copy !req
209. Oh, hello.
You here for job?Copy !req
210. Please join the others,
please.Copy !req
211. Some say I cannot survive
in today's world.Copy !req
212. But if there's one asset
that the Chinese man has,Copy !req
213. it's a-tactical use
of child labor.Copy !req
214. And together, child labor force,Copy !req
215. we are going to bring SodoSopa
to its knees.Copy !req
216. This is it, people.Copy !req
217. This is what we've all
been working for.Copy !req
218. The future of our town
depends on usCopy !req
219. being on our best behavior.Copy !req
220. No swearing, no weirdness,
and no speeches!Copy !req
221. He's coming!Copy !req
222. Go, go!
Everyone in place!Copy !req
223. He's got the whole world
in his handsCopy !req
224. He's got the whole, wide world
in his handsCopy !req
225. He's got the whole world
in his handsCopy !req
226. Hello, sir.Copy !req
227. On behalf of everyone here
in South Park,Copy !req
228. please let me say
we are very excitedCopy !req
229. to be in consideration...Copy !req
230. Everyone,
please go about your business.Copy !req
231. I need to see this town
in its normal goings-onCopy !req
232. to see if it is indeed
a Whole Foods town.Copy !req
233. Okay. Looking good,
child labor force!Copy !req
234. We gonna make Chitty Wok
updated and beautiful!Copy !req
235. Let's go,
child labor force! Let's go!Copy !req
236. No, no, Dennis. You don't use
too much cleaner on the table.Copy !req
237. That stuff expensive.
Now, listen, everybody!Copy !req
238. This is a big day.Copy !req
239. We gonna take the business back
from SodoSopa!Copy !req
240. And how we gonna do it,
child labor force?Copy !req
241. That's right...
By taking pride in our work!Copy !req
242. With the way this place
is looking,Copy !req
243. we gonna have people rushing in
any second!Copy !req
244. Okay, everyone go about
your business.Copy !req
245. Oh, here they come!Copy !req
246. Everyone act normal!
No, don't act normal, act good!Copy !req
247. There they go.Copy !req
248. Wait, wait!Copy !req
249. Chitty Wok!
Take-a order, please!Copy !req
250. Take-a...Copy !req
251. Take-a order, please?Copy !req
252. The previous principal
of the school was let goCopy !req
253. so that someone more progressive
could take over.Copy !req
254. Hey, bro. I'm the new principal
of the school.Copy !req
255. My name's P.C. Principal.Copy !req
256. P.C. Principal.
I like that.Copy !req
257. So you've just
recently moved here?Copy !req
258. That's right.Copy !req
259. And do you believe this town
is deserving of a Whole Foods?Copy !req
260. You know, I think
it's changed a lot.Copy !req
261. I really do.
I've seen some real progress.Copy !req
262. Definitely had some holdouts,Copy !req
263. people that went kicking
and screaming into 2015,Copy !req
264. but, yes, I think
they deserve it.Copy !req
265. Mm-hmm.Copy !req
266. Show me a classroom,
please.Copy !req
267. But if Pluto isn't a planet,
who can tell me what it is?Copy !req
268. Oh, hello.Copy !req
269. This is our new
fourth-grade teacher.Copy !req
270. She's very normal
and professional.Copy !req
271. Please continue as if
I am not here.Copy !req
272. Okay, so, uh, children,Copy !req
273. anyone want to tell me
what Pluto is classified as?Copy !req
274. Anybody?Copy !req
275. Okay.Copy !req
276. Well, Pluto is actually
a dwarf planet.Copy !req
277. That means it's neither a planet
nor a natural satellite.Copy !req
278. Is there a reasonCopy !req
279. the children with disabilities
and black childCopy !req
280. are front and center?Copy !req
281. Oh, no, that's just where
they always sit.Copy !req
282. Next to our beloved Craig there,
who is a homosexual.Copy !req
283. Mm-hmm.Copy !req
284. Uh, can... can I show you
the most exciting part of town?Copy !req
285. This is historic SodoSopa.Copy !req
286. It's our vibrant and charming
arts and foods district.Copy !req
287. Hmm.Copy !req
288. I enjoy how you've retained
the lower-income housingCopy !req
289. with the updated
and quaint urban developments.Copy !req
290. That's really
what our town is about.Copy !req
291. Oh, hello again!Copy !req
292. Steven and I were
just heading to SodoSopaCopy !req
293. to enjoy
some specialty foods.Copy !req
294. Hmm.Copy !req
295. I have seen enough
for today.Copy !req
296. I am weary.
Where shall I sleep?Copy !req
297. Oh, yes, of course.Copy !req
298. Uh...Copy !req
299. Uh, well, tonight,
you're at our Motel 6.Copy !req
300. But we'd like to show you
the plansCopy !req
301. for something
extremely exciting.Copy !req
302. You can't say "excitement"Copy !req
303. without saying "SodoSopa."Copy !req
304. The food, the art,
the nightlife.Copy !req
305. With The Lofts and Residences
at SodoSopa,Copy !req
306. all the action
was just a few steps away.Copy !req
307. But what
if you could actually liveCopy !req
308. in the most central location
that SodoSopa has to offer?Copy !req
309. Well, now you can.Copy !req
310. Announcing
The Villas at Kenny's House,Copy !req
311. the most sought-after address
in all of South ParkCopy !req
312. for only
the very privileged few.Copy !req
313. Now you can relax in your
state-of-the-art deck spaCopy !req
314. while taking in views
of that mixed SodoSopa culture.Copy !req
315. Shut your damn mouth,
bitch!Copy !req
316. You shut your mouth,
or I'll shut...Copy !req
317. But that's not all.Copy !req
318. The Villas at Kenny's House
will also feature accessCopy !req
319. to a private fitness center,
clubhouse,Copy !req
320. and so much more,Copy !req
321. plus a breezeway
to the proposed Whole FoodsCopy !req
322. just steps away.Copy !req
323. The Villas at Kenny's House...Copy !req
324. Welcome home.Copy !req
325. Hey, that's okay,
we close.Copy !req
326. All the other child labor
go home.Copy !req
327. Mrph rmhmhm
rm mrph rmhmhm rm!Copy !req
328. I like you, Dennis.Copy !req
329. You work a-real hard.Copy !req
330. I wish I could give you more.
You deserve more.Copy !req
331. But I think
I'm gonna have to shut down.Copy !req
332. Now that SodoSopa open,
I'm the shitty part of town!Copy !req
333. And everyone hates
the shitty part of town.Copy !req
334. Mrph, mrph rmhmhm rm.Copy !req
335. Oh, what do you know
about livingCopy !req
336. in the shitty part of town,
Dennis?Copy !req
337. Mrph!
Mrph rmhmhm rm!Copy !req
338. - You have idea?
- Mrph rmhmhm rm!Copy !req
339. Oh-ho, that's the spirit!Copy !req
340. Let's go,
child labor!Copy !req
341. Let's go, child labor!Copy !req
342. So these are the cattle
that the local shopsCopy !req
343. and restaurants
are supplied with?Copy !req
344. Uh, these are local cows,
yes.Copy !req
345. And where does the butchery
take place?Copy !req
346. Uh, that's right
over there.Copy !req
347. And are the bullets made
from reclaimed metals?Copy !req
348. I believe they are.Copy !req
349. Rancher,
could you make sure?Copy !req
350. Randy! Steven!Copy !req
351. We've got a big problem!Copy !req
352. The owner of City WokCopy !req
353. has child labor
making videos for him!Copy !req
354. What?Copy !req
355. Oh, Jesus,
we forgot all about that guy!Copy !req
356. Shh!Copy !req
357. It's all over the place!Copy !req
358. He's trying to revitalize
his rundown neighborhood!Copy !req
359. Gah! Why do
the economically challengedCopy !req
360. always have to screw up
everything?Copy !req
361. We're gonna head back
to SodoSopaCopy !req
362. for some curious
fusion delights!Copy !req
363. Come on.
We'll get that asshole!Copy !req
364. There's a new
and exciting placeCopy !req
365. where people can gather to
shop, experience, and grow.Copy !req
366. This is an all-new
food-and-nightlife district.Copy !req
367. This is CtPaTown.Copy !req
368. Where else but CtPaTownCopy !req
369. can you get
all the chitty hotspotsCopy !req
370. and chitty food that South Park
is known for?Copy !req
371. In the mood
for some local seafood?Copy !req
372. Red Lobster
has all the freshestCopy !req
373. from Colorado's many oceans.Copy !req
374. Or if a handcrafted ale
is more your thing,Copy !req
375. head on down to Skeeter's BarCopy !req
376. for local ales
like Coors and Coors Light.Copy !req
377. And then of course,
there's Chitty Wok,Copy !req
378. South Park's
historic Asian fusion landmarkCopy !req
379. featuring chitty chicken
and chitty sour soup.Copy !req
380. The state-of-the-art toilet
is designed for men and womenCopy !req
381. and is a great place
for you to squeeze outCopy !req
382. all the chitty food
you've enjoyed.Copy !req
383. Now South Park
has another neighborhoodCopy !req
384. to mingle and relax.Copy !req
385. CtPaTown...Copy !req
386. Welcome home.Copy !req
387. Oh, boy!Copy !req
388. Get ready, child labor force!Copy !req
389. Any minute now, we gonna
have customers up our ass!Copy !req
390. - Get him!
- There he is!Copy !req
391. - That son a bitch!
- Get him!Copy !req
392. Stop him!Copy !req
393. Oh, boy, here they come!Copy !req
394. You were right, Dennis!Copy !req
395. CtPaTown commercial
did the trick!Copy !req
396. Get ready for customers,
child labor force!Copy !req
397. Welcome Chitty Wok!
Take your order pleeaaahhh!Copy !req
398. Mrph rmhmhm?Copy !req
399. All right, take these kids
and hide them in the...Copy !req
400. Mrph rmhmhm rm?
Mrph rmhmhm rm!Copy !req
401. Ow!
You little...Copy !req
402. Get him!Copy !req
403. Fight, child labor force!Copy !req
404. Flank to the left!Copy !req
405. Ahem!
Ahe-hem!Copy !req
406. I've never seen a town
put so much energyCopy !req
407. into displaying an exaggerated
sense of social consciousness.Copy !req
408. Congratulations.
You have your Whole Foods.Copy !req
409. Wait, wait!
Anybody want chitty chicken?Copy !req
410. Anybody?Copy !req
411. Take-a order, please?Copy !req
412. I'm sorry, Dennis.Copy !req
413. You really tried
to help.Copy !req
414. I guess it's over.Copy !req
415. Come on inside.Copy !req
416. I'll pay you the child labor
wage you deserve.Copy !req
417. Well,
did you make any money?Copy !req
418. Mrph, rmhmhm rm.Copy !req
419. Ha!
Told ya!Copy !req
420. That's how it works
in this damn country.Copy !req
421. What are you doing,
Kenny?Copy !req
422. Wow!Copy !req
423. This is mine?Copy !req
424. Mrph rmhmhm, rm.Copy !req
425. Hi!Copy !req
426. There's a time when a
town becomes more than it was,Copy !req
427. when the people
take that bold stepCopy !req
428. into making things better.Copy !req
429. To progress.Copy !req
430. To change.Copy !req
431. To not be what you were
in the past.Copy !req
432. This is a new place,Copy !req
433. ready for the next decade.Copy !req
434. Updated, revitalized,
and ready to fit inCopy !req
435. with the most progressive towns
in America.Copy !req
436. This is South Park.Copy !req
437. Welcome home.Copy !req
438. Are the Mexicans
actually staying?Copy !req
439. Shh.Copy !req