1. I'm goin' down to South Park,
gonna have myself a timeCopy !req
2. Friendly faces everywhereCopy !req
3. Humble folks
without temptationCopy !req
4. Goin' down to South Park,
gonna leave my woes behindCopy !req
5. Ample parking day or nightCopy !req
6. People spouting...
Howdy, neighbor!Copy !req
7. Heading on up to South Park,
gonna see if I can't unwindCopy !req
8. Come on down to South Park
and meet some friends of mineCopy !req
9. All right, everyone, listen up.Copy !req
10. I don't know about you,
but I, for one,Copy !req
11. am sick and tired of hate speechCopy !req
12. that serves
to marginalize others.Copy !req
13. You know, if there's one thing
that makes me sick,Copy !req
14. it's when a race thinks
they're superiorCopy !req
15. and don't know how
to check their privilege.Copy !req
16. An African-American flips
a turtle over on its back.Copy !req
17. A transgender Filipino comesCopy !req
18. and sees the helpless turtle
baking in the sun.Copy !req
19. What color is
the Filipino's father?Copy !req
20. I didn't think you were human.Copy !req
21. Yeah, everybody's pretty
freaked out over here, baby.Copy !req
22. Everyone is on edge
and feeling really nervous.Copy !req
23. That sounds terrible.
Be careful, Butters.Copy !req
24. I will, honey.Copy !req
25. Butters.
Get to the bathroom. Now.Copy !req
26. All right, Kyle,
what's this about?Copy !req
27. - Jimmy's dead.
- What?Copy !req
28. I know the whole story.
P.C. Principal killed himCopy !req
29. and tried to kill Leslie,
but she got away.Copy !req
30. P.C. Principal is part
of a huge network of radicalsCopy !req
31. who kill everyone that doesn't
follow their P.C. ideology.Copy !req
32. How do you know all this?Copy !req
33. Because Leslie's with me.
I'm keeping her safe.Copy !req
34. Kyle's got a girlfriendCopy !req
35. It gets worse.Copy !req
36. Someone in our town helped
these people come here.Copy !req
37. That person
faked the Bill Cosby jokeCopy !req
38. to get Principal Victoria fired.Copy !req
39. Who would use a Cosby joke
to push their own agenda?Copy !req
40. I think it's obvious...
Stan's dad.Copy !req
41. Kyle...Copy !req
42. Stan, your dad is one of them.Copy !req
43. He had to be the one
that let them in!Copy !req
44. You're letting paranoia and
suspicion get the better of you.Copy !req
45. There's no way to know
who we can trust.Copy !req
46. So, what do we do now?Copy !req
47. There's only one thing
we can do.Copy !req
48. We have to get guns.Copy !req
49. Guns?Copy !req
50. It's the only way for us
to be safe.Copy !req
51. Kyle, even if we thought
it could help protect us,Copy !req
52. how are we all going to
get our hands on guns?Copy !req
53. All right, cool, we got guns.
So now what?Copy !req
54. I already feel a lot safer!Copy !req
55. You guys lay low
and watch your backs.Copy !req
56. I'm gonna go
keep Leslie protected.Copy !req
57. Hey.Copy !req
58. Don't fall too hard, partner.Copy !req
59. Do I look sweet, Butters?Copy !req
60. Yeah.Copy !req
61. What?Copy !req
62. What?Copy !req
63. Can you pass
the garlic bread, Randy?Copy !req
64. Why wouldn't I be able
to pass the garlic bread?Copy !req
65. Dad, where were you last night?Copy !req
66. What? When? Where was I what?Copy !req
67. Out. With friends. Doing things.Copy !req
68. Well, I'm full.Copy !req
69. I'm gonna go work in the garage
for a little bit.Copy !req
70. - Work on what?
- On stuff that do things.Copy !req
71. Oh, I'm gonna take
some of this with me.Copy !req
72. I'm still hungry.Copy !req
73. Thought you just said
you were full.Copy !req
74. Jesus!Copy !req
75. What, am I on trial
or something?Copy !req
76. God damn!Copy !req
77. You guys are really
acting strange.Copy !req
78. All right, we're good.
Nobody suspects a thing.Copy !req
79. Take a look at this.Copy !req
80. We've got everything from
P.C. Principal's hard drive.Copy !req
81. He was onto the gentrification
around the world,Copy !req
82. and he was convincedCopy !req
83. that whatever was responsible
wasn't human.Copy !req
84. Not human? Then what?Copy !req
85. I don't care
if they're aliens or vampires.Copy !req
86. We need to round 'em up fast
and fuck them till they're dead.Copy !req
87. You don't want
to fuck a vampire.Copy !req
88. You'll get hepatitis.Copy !req
89. Oh, girlfriend,
I am well beyond that.Copy !req
90. Oh, my God.
Don't you see what this means?Copy !req
91. If something not human
is gentrifying the entire world,Copy !req
92. soon no human will be able
to afford it.Copy !req
93. They're trying to price
our species out of existence.Copy !req
94. Well, how do you like
my new apartment?Copy !req
95. What happened to you, Nathan?Copy !req
96. I always thought
you were a nice kid.Copy !req
97. Now you've got a gun?Copy !req
98. Everyone's getting
one of these now, Jim.Copy !req
99. Nobody knows who to trust.Copy !req
100. Yeah? Well,
guns are never the answer.Copy !req
101. Don't you kind of wish
you'd had oneCopy !req
102. back when Leslie betrayed you
and nearly beat you to death?Copy !req
103. Oh, I guess it would have been
a decent answer then.Copy !req
104. Touché.Copy !req
105. You see, I've got
expensive tastes, Jimmy.Copy !req
106. I like good food,
organic pressed juices,Copy !req
107. and I've got a thing
for high-class prostitutes.Copy !req
108. Have you been introduced
to my current girlfriend?Copy !req
109. My name is Classi with an I,Copy !req
110. and a little dick
hanging off the CCopy !req
111. that bends around
and fucks the LCopy !req
112. out of the A-S-S.Copy !req
113. Nice to meet you, Classi.Copy !req
114. All I had to do
was work for the ads,Copy !req
115. and I got everything I wanted...Copy !req
116. My own loft
with all of Shi Tpa TownCopy !req
117. right at my doorstep.Copy !req
118. All it took was some P.C.,Copy !req
119. and the whole thing
was set in motion.Copy !req
120. Oh, great.Copy !req
121. So now ads are using P.C.
for their own gains?Copy !req
122. That's a new low.Copy !req
123. What is P.C. but a verbal form
of gentrification?Copy !req
124. Spruce everything up,
get rid of all the uglinessCopy !req
125. in order to create
a false sense of paradise.Copy !req
126. Only one thing can actually live
in that world... ads.Copy !req
127. I know I've said it before,
but, man, do I hate ads.Copy !req
128. Eric Cartman, I told you
to get ready for bed!Copy !req
129. Yeah, I just want to finish
this movie.Copy !req
130. No, Eric,
this is a school night.Copy !req
131. Mom, I'm into this movie.Copy !req
132. I'm not going to bed
right now. Chillax.Copy !req
133. You most certainly are.Copy !req
134. Right now, mister!Copy !req
135. I will go to bed
when this movie is over, Mom.Copy !req
136. Eric! Where did you get that?Copy !req
137. Turn off the light
and go back to bed.Copy !req
138. I'm staying up.Copy !req
139. Eric, you march right up
to your room...Copy !req
140. I don't think so, Mom.Copy !req
141. Eric, you get your butt to bed!Copy !req
142. No means no, Bill Cosby!Copy !req
143. I told you to go upstairs
right now!Copy !req
144. Whoa, Mom, what the hell?Copy !req
145. I'm not gonna
tell you again, Eric.Copy !req
146. It is time for night-night!Copy !req
147. Mom, put down the gun.Copy !req
148. I am your mother, and you will
do what I tell you!Copy !req
149. Okay, I am going!Copy !req
150. Well, then you go
right now, mister!Copy !req
151. I am going to bed Mom! Chillax.Copy !req
152. All right, then! No comic books!
Just straight to sleep!Copy !req
153. I love you, sweetie!Copy !req
154. Okay. I love you too, Mom.
Night-night.Copy !req
155. Wow, he... he listened.Copy !req
156. There has to be something...Copy !req
157. Some clue as to what
we're dealing with.Copy !req
158. The news stories
P.C. Principal researchedCopy !req
159. are all so contradictory,Copy !req
160. as if whatever these things areCopy !req
161. have control
over the news somehow.Copy !req
162. That sounds like vampires to me.Copy !req
163. We have to find out who had me
fired with the Cosby joke.Copy !req
164. It's the key to knowing
what we're dealing with.Copy !req
165. Principal Victoria?Copy !req
166. Mr. Garrison? Caitlyn Jenner?Copy !req
167. Stan, what the hell
are you doing in here?Copy !req
168. - Tell me what's going on, Dad.
- Nothing.Copy !req
169. We're just hanging out, talking
about Coldplay, all right?Copy !req
170. No! I want to know what the hell
is going on right now!Copy !req
171. What are you doing with that?Copy !req
172. Kyle said I couldn't trust you.
What are you planning, Dad?Copy !req
173. Stan, it isn't what you think.Copy !req
174. Then what is it?Copy !req
175. Look, I need to
show you something, okay?Copy !req
176. You need to see this, son.Copy !req
177. Oh! Psych! Now put
the fucking gun down, bitch!Copy !req
178. I'm gonna go tell Mom!Copy !req
179. Oh, yeah? You go tell her.
I'll tell her you had a gun.Copy !req
180. You'll be
in more trouble than me!Copy !req
181. Stan, I am your dad.Copy !req
182. Put the gun down
and sit over there.Copy !req
183. - Mom!
- Shit!Copy !req
184. Took a lot to hunt you down,
P.C. Principal.Copy !req
185. You mind telling me why you're
going around the worldCopy !req
186. shooting up revitalized
arts-and-foods districts?Copy !req
187. You wouldn't believe me
if I told you.Copy !req
188. Try me!Copy !req
189. I don't know what they are,
but they used meCopy !req
190. and others like me
to try and change this planet.Copy !req
191. You don't know what who are?Copy !req
192. Sir, the president is
on the phone.Copy !req
193. Wants to talk to you
about P.C. Principal.Copy !req
194. Yes, Mr. President.Copy !req
195. I see, sir. Yes, I understand.Copy !req
196. We're to release him
immediately,Copy !req
197. no questions asked.Copy !req
198. And we're not supposed to
believe anything he tells us.Copy !req
199. Ain't that a peach?Copy !req
200. He's being set free now,
Mr. President.Copy !req
201. Can I tell the commander why?Copy !req
202. This is a matter
of national security.Copy !req
203. I understand, sir.Copy !req
204. Thank you. God bless you.Copy !req
205. God bless you too, sir.Copy !req
206. And may God bless
the United States of America.Copy !req
207. You okay?Copy !req
208. Yeah. Just feeling butterflies.Copy !req
209. And my hands are freezing.Copy !req
210. Here.Copy !req
211. Thank you, Kyle.Copy !req
212. Don't worry, Leslie.Copy !req
213. I won't let anything
happen to you.Copy !req
214. I'm warning you... You're on
the wrong side of this.Copy !req
215. We're just trying
to get answers.Copy !req
216. You pulled a gun
on our son, Randy!Copy !req
217. He pulled one
on me first, Sharon!Copy !req
218. Because you wouldn't
talk to me, Dad!Copy !req
219. Stanley, let your mother and I
deal with this.Copy !req
220. I told you to leave him alone!Copy !req
221. God, I hate this family!Copy !req
222. Why are you always
taking Stan's side?Copy !req
223. Whoa! Whoa! Shelly!
Put down the gun, Shelly!Copy !req
224. You're always acting like Stan
can't do anything wrong!Copy !req
225. She doesn't always take my side!Copy !req
226. You shut up, or I swear to God
I'll use this.Copy !req
227. Shelly, put it down. Now.Copy !req
228. You don't even try
to know me, Dad!Copy !req
229. I want to, Shelly!Copy !req
230. I just sometimes feel
like you hate me!Copy !req
231. I feel like you hate me, Randy!Copy !req
232. I don't hate you! I love you!Copy !req
233. I need to be a better husband,
a better father!Copy !req
234. We all need to be better
to each other!Copy !req
235. Okay, maybe I need
to stop being so angry!Copy !req
236. I love you guys.Copy !req
237. We love you too, Dad.Copy !req
238. We just want to know
what's going on with you.Copy !req
239. All right,
I'll tell you everything.Copy !req
240. These things are amazing.Copy !req
241. All right,
Mrs. Farnickle, enjoy.Copy !req
242. And remember... If the safety's
on, you're good as gone.Copy !req
243. Okay, and next customer, please.Copy !req
244. Going for the big one, huh?Copy !req
245. You must be feeling extra jumpy!Copy !req
246. You don't know the half of it.Copy !req
247. Well, this thing should
make you feel more at ease.Copy !req
248. You know, you ought to
check out the gun show.Copy !req
249. The gun show?Copy !req
250. Yeah, it's gonna
have everything!Copy !req
251. And with guns being so popular,Copy !req
252. practically everyone in town
is gonna be in attendance.Copy !req
253. The entire town in one location?Copy !req
254. Oh, my God.Copy !req
255. The principal has become
our biggest problem.Copy !req
256. We need a news headline
that will draw him back to town.Copy !req
257. Oh, you're gonna sponsor
my content some more, baby?Copy !req
258. I'm all ears.Copy !req
259. I've got to get to
the Super School News.Copy !req
260. Hey, Classi, do you think
you could get me my crutches?Copy !req
261. I don't think
Nathan would like that.Copy !req
262. You seem like
a reasonable person.Copy !req
263. Do you really want to live
in a world controlled by ads?Copy !req
264. I mean, come on, Classi.Copy !req
265. No, it'a Cla-ass-I with an I.Copy !req
266. The little dick
that hangs off the CCopy !req
267. fucks the I out of the ass.Copy !req
268. Cla-ass-I.Copy !req
269. Sorry. My bad.Copy !req
270. Look, I'm a news reporter,
Cla-ass-I,Copy !req
271. and in a world where ads
control the news,Copy !req
272. there's no way to be sure
anyone's ever hearing the truth.Copy !req
273. Truth about what?Copy !req
274. We can't just hide, Kyle.Copy !req
275. We have to let people know
P.C. is the enemyCopy !req
276. before it's too late.Copy !req
277. Leslie, we don't know
who is on their side.Copy !req
278. We have to stay safe.Copy !req
279. The principal is going to try
and make up some crazy story.Copy !req
280. That's what P.C. people do.Copy !req
281. You have to get
in front of everyoneCopy !req
282. and tell them
what you've learned.Copy !req
283. I gave up giving speeches.Copy !req
284. But why?Copy !req
285. I came to you
because I had heardCopy !req
286. how good you were
at getting messages across.Copy !req
287. That and because...
I thought you were cute.Copy !req
288. I'm sure I'd have no problem
giving a speechCopy !req
289. if you could be by my side.Copy !req
290. Well, I can't go with you,
you know. It's too dangerous.Copy !req
291. Not if we go somewhereCopy !req
292. that's completely safe
from any violence.Copy !req
293. - Where?
- The gun show.Copy !req
294. Gun show?Copy !req
295. There'll be so many guns
that nothing bad can happen.Copy !req
296. Someone purposely had
Principal Victoria replacedCopy !req
297. with the new principal?Copy !req
298. Yes, they wanted to use his P.C.Copy !req
299. as a means to start
gentrification in our town.Copy !req
300. That's why we thought
P.C. Principal was behind it.Copy !req
301. But now we know they were just
using his P.C. abilitiesCopy !req
302. to service their own needs.Copy !req
303. When the pussy crusher story
came out in Super School News,Copy !req
304. it started to make
P.C. Principal question himself.Copy !req
305. He started digging for answers.
They didn't like that.Copy !req
306. So they tried to distract
and mislead him with this.Copy !req
307. Sorry. Wait. That's an ad
for McDonald's. Hold on.Copy !req
308. With this.
There's that ad again.Copy !req
309. God, these things are annoying.Copy !req
310. Anyways,
whatever these beings are,Copy !req
311. they try to keep anyone
from knowing the truth from...Copy !req
312. I don't want to see
a slide show.Copy !req
313. P.C. Principal said something
was trying to divertCopy !req
314. and distract his
subconscious mind with this.Copy !req
315. Wait. That's Leslie.Copy !req
316. Oh, my God. It's Kyle.Copy !req
317. Kyle?Copy !req
318. Kyle's been protecting Leslie.
They're together.Copy !req
319. He's been making everyone
feel paranoidCopy !req
320. and saying
you're the enemy, Dad.Copy !req
321. Well, then,
it's time to go ask KyleCopy !req
322. why he sold out his own kind.Copy !req
323. How will we get him to talk?Copy !req
324. We're going to kill him
with kindness.Copy !req
325. But instead of kindness,
we're going to use guns.Copy !req
326. Yeah!Copy !req
327. - Yeah!
- Come on! Let's go!Copy !req
328. Shelly,
you take care of Grandpa!Copy !req
329. Okay!Copy !req
330. No, no, no. Don't shoot Grandpa.Copy !req
331. Just literally take care of him.Copy !req
332. Buckle up, buckaroos!Copy !req
333. Here it is, Jimmy,
hot off the presses.Copy !req
334. What is that?Copy !req
335. The newest edition
of Super School News,Copy !req
336. hitting the streets tomorrow.Copy !req
337. Tragedy at gun show.Copy !req
338. What happened at the gun show?Copy !req
339. Not what's happened...
What's going to happen.Copy !req
340. The final sweeping
underneath the rug.Copy !req
341. By this time tomorrow,Copy !req
342. nobody will be
asking questions ever again.Copy !req
343. The ads will have won,
and I will be the man.Copy !req
344. I think the ads
are playin' yo' ass.Copy !req
345. Shut up, Classi!Copy !req
346. Oh, he-e-ll no!Copy !req
347. What?Copy !req
348. Oh, hell no your Down syndrome
ass just slapped me.Copy !req
349. I'm'a break yo' dick off!Copy !req
350. Hang on, Classi. I'm sorry.Copy !req
351. I will bust yo' fucking ass!Copy !req
352. I will bust yo' fucking nose!Copy !req
353. I ain't no mimsy-ass ho!Copy !req
354. I'm a classy bitch,
and I do not...Copy !req
355. want ads controlling my news!Copy !req
356. Cla-ass-I, thank you!Copy !req
357. You need my help? You gots it.Copy !req
358. I need your phone
to call Officer Barbrady,Copy !req
359. and we have to get to
that gun show fast!Copy !req
360. Quick! To the Classi-mobile!Copy !req
361. Welcome back
to the South Park Gun Show.Copy !req
362. We've had
over 2,000 gorgeous gunsCopy !req
363. come through this arena today.Copy !req
364. It's been whittled down
to seven,Copy !req
365. the winners from each group.Copy !req
366. David, take us down the line.Copy !req
367. First, we have
the beautiful Yorkshire 33mmCopy !req
368. with proud owner Steven Stotch.Copy !req
369. An absolutely gorgeous gun,
David.Copy !req
370. The playful and lovely
Australian semiautomatic,Copy !req
371. owned by Father Maxi.Copy !req
372. And there's the mayor
with her delightfulCopy !req
373. Rhodesian ridgeback
shotgun/rifle mix.Copy !req
374. That's a favorite
of the crowd here.Copy !req
375. Always a favorite
at these shows.Copy !req
376. That's a nice gun right there.Copy !req
377. The judge now asking to seeCopy !req
378. that Yorkshire 33mm up close.Copy !req
379. And there it is...
Just a beautiful gun in motion.Copy !req
380. Everybody loves it.Copy !req
381. Looks like the judge
wants to take another lookCopy !req
382. at that shotgun/rifle mix.Copy !req
383. And next up will be the...Copy !req
384. Nobody move!Copy !req
385. Everyone just stay
where you are!Copy !req
386. And it looks like the
gun show is under attack, David.Copy !req
387. Yes, six armed gunmen
have entered the arena,Copy !req
388. one of which is carrying
an absolutely gorgeousCopy !req
389. little Pekingese Glock 17.Copy !req
390. Listen to me, everyone!Copy !req
391. There are beings
who are purposelyCopy !req
392. gentrifying the EarthCopy !req
393. so that humans
can no longer afford it.Copy !req
394. We've been looking
for Kyle Broflovski.Copy !req
395. Somebody's hiding him.Copy !req
396. Don't listen to them!Copy !req
397. The real conspiracy here
are the P.C. extremistsCopy !req
398. who have no problem killingCopy !req
399. whoever doesn't think
like they do!Copy !req
400. You son of a bitch, Stan.Copy !req
401. How could you have sided
with the enemy?Copy !req
402. Fuck you, Kyle.
You're the enemy.Copy !req
403. You've both got it wrong.Copy !req
404. Jimmy?Copy !req
405. Officer Barbrady?Copy !req
406. Classi?Copy !req
407. Randy?Copy !req
408. Kyle, I know
you probably thoughtCopy !req
409. Leslie was a kind, caring girl,Copy !req
410. but the truth is
she's just an ad.Copy !req
411. An ad?Copy !req
412. They've become sentient!
They've taken human form.Copy !req
413. You can't tell what's human
and what's an ad anymore.Copy !req
414. Oh, geez. Are you serious?Copy !req
415. How am I supposed to
fuck an ad to death?Copy !req
416. Flippin' ads.Copy !req
417. They're such a pain in the ass.Copy !req
418. You told me Jimmy was dead.Copy !req
419. So now we know who got
Principal Victoria fired.Copy !req
420. Nobody move, m'kay?Copy !req
421. Everybody just
stay where you are!Copy !req
422. Mackey?Copy !req
423. Yes, I wanted
Principal Victoria fired,Copy !req
424. but I didn't want any of this!Copy !req
425. You got me fired? Why?Copy !req
426. 18 years of answering to you.
18 years!Copy !req
427. You always telling me
what to do.Copy !req
428. If you had problems with me,
why didn't you just talk to me?Copy !req
429. You never listened!
Nobody listens to me!Copy !req
430. They just expect me
to listen to them!Copy !req
431. Maybe we should have realizedCopy !req
432. that sometimes a counselor
needs counseling!Copy !req
433. I don't know.Copy !req
434. Maybe I got manipulated
by these ads too somehow,Copy !req
435. but I should have been
a better person!Copy !req
436. We all could be better people.
All of us!Copy !req
437. We all played a part.Copy !req
438. Maybe from now on people in this
town need to communicate more,Copy !req
439. care about each other!Copy !req
440. If we're gonna defeat
our enemies,Copy !req
441. that's what it's gonna take...
All of us together!Copy !req
442. If only we'd
had these before, huh?Copy !req
443. Every time you block us,
we get smarter.Copy !req
444. Every time you try to stop us,
we are more.Copy !req
445. If one plan fails,
we will plan another.Copy !req
446. You will never be rid of ads.Copy !req
447. Hey, Leslie!Copy !req
448. Your species took P.C. and
twisted it for evil purposes.Copy !req
449. That pisses me off!Copy !req
450. You're expelled.Copy !req
451. Yes, dude!Copy !req
452. Well, I guess there's just
one last thing to take care of.Copy !req
453. Why did it have to be like this?Copy !req
454. Why couldn't we try to live
on this planet together?Copy !req
455. Maybe we're not perfect beings,
but we built a better town!Copy !req
456. We didn't need you to do that!Copy !req
457. And we'll keep on trying
to make it better!Copy !req
458. Randy, you're yelling
at a Whole Foods.Copy !req
459. Go on! Get out of here!Copy !req
460. We know!Copy !req
461. Others will know!Copy !req
462. It isn't going to be so easy.
Not anymore.Copy !req
463. All right everyone, listen up.Copy !req
464. I don't know about you,
but I, for one,Copy !req
465. am sick and tired
of all the hate speechCopy !req
466. and microaggressions
against our species.Copy !req
467. We have a new enemy out there,
an almost invisible foeCopy !req
468. that is so bigoted,
so racially biased,Copy !req
469. they actually think
we should all die.Copy !req
470. They are trying
to attract our youth,Copy !req
471. using tactics that are
underhanded and unfair.Copy !req
472. But no matter how hard
they hit us,Copy !req
473. we cannot let them
take from us our P.C.Copy !req
474. And so I have been asked
to stay on as your principal.Copy !req
475. A lot of changes will happen
in the coming months.Copy !req
476. The bottom line is
that the only thingCopy !req
477. that distinguishes
those who want to kill usCopy !req
478. from those who don't is
that we have the burning desireCopy !req
479. for social justice.Copy !req
480. We are at war,
but the only way to win this warCopy !req
481. is to be as understanding,
nonbiased,Copy !req
482. and politically correct
as possible.Copy !req
483. This is gonna be really hard.Copy !req