1. All right, everyone, listen up.Copy !req
2. I don't know about you,
but I, for one,Copy !req
3. am sick and tired of hate speechCopy !req
4. that serves
to marginalize others.Copy !req
5. Ahh.Copy !req
6. You know, if there's one thing
that makes me sick,Copy !req
7. it's when a race thinks
they're superiorCopy !req
8. and don't know how
to check their privilege.Copy !req
9. An African-American flips
a turtle over on its back.Copy !req
10. A transgender
Filipino comesCopy !req
11. and sees the helpless turtle
baking in the sun.Copy !req
12. What color is
the Filipino's father?Copy !req
13. I didn't think
you were human.Copy !req
14. Aah!Copy !req
15. Yeah, everybody's pretty
freaked out over here, baby.Copy !req
16. Everyone is on edge
and feeling really nervous.Copy !req
17. That sounds terrible.
Be careful, Butters.Copy !req
18. I will, honey.Copy !req
19. Butters.
Get to the bathroom. Now.Copy !req
20. All right, Kyle,
what's this about?Copy !req
21. - Jimmy's dead.
- What?Copy !req
22. I know the whole story.
P.C. Principal killed himCopy !req
23. and tried to kill Leslie,
but she got away.Copy !req
24. Mrph rmh rmphm?Copy !req
25. P.C. Principal is part
of a huge network of radicalsCopy !req
26. who kill everyone that doesn't
follow their P.C. ideology.Copy !req
27. How do you know all this?Copy !req
28. Because Leslie's with me.
I'm keeping her safe.Copy !req
29. It gets worse.Copy !req
30. Someone in our town helped
these people come here.Copy !req
31. That person
faked the Bill Cosby jokeCopy !req
32. to get
Principal Victoria fired.Copy !req
33. Who would use a Cosby joke
to push their own agenda?Copy !req
34. I think it's obvious —
Stan's dad.Copy !req
35. Kyle...Copy !req
36. Stan, your dad
is one of them.Copy !req
37. He had to be the one
that let them in!Copy !req
38. You're letting paranoia and
suspicion get the better of you.Copy !req
39. There's no way to know
who we can trust.Copy !req
40. So, what do we do now?Copy !req
41. There's only one thing
we can do.Copy !req
42. We have to get guns.Copy !req
43. Guns?Copy !req
44. It's the only way for us
to be safe.Copy !req
45. Kyle, even if we thought
it could help protect us,Copy !req
46. how are we all going to
get our hands on guns?Copy !req
47. All right, cool, we got guns.
So now what?Copy !req
48. Mrph rmhmhm rm!Copy !req
49. I already feel
a lot safer!Copy !req
50. You guys lay low
and watch your backs.Copy !req
51. I'm gonna go
keep Leslie protected.Copy !req
52. Hey.Copy !req
53. Don't fall too hard,
partner.Copy !req
54. Do I look sweet, Butters?Copy !req
55. Yeah.Copy !req
56. What?Copy !req
57. What?Copy !req
58. Can you pass
the garlic bread, Randy?Copy !req
59. Why wouldn't I be able
to pass the garlic bread?Copy !req
60. Dad, where were you
last night?Copy !req
61. What? When?
Where was I what?Copy !req
62. Out. With friends.
Doing things.Copy !req
63. Well, I'm full.Copy !req
64. I'm gonna go work in the garage
for a little bit.Copy !req
65. - Work on what?
- On stuff that do things.Copy !req
66. Um, oh, I'm gonna take
some of this with me.Copy !req
67. I'm still hungry.Copy !req
68. Thought you just said
you were full.Copy !req
69. Jesus!Copy !req
70. What, am I on trial
or something?Copy !req
71. God damn!Copy !req
72. You guys are really
acting strange.Copy !req
73. All right, we're good.
Nobody suspects a thing.Copy !req
74. Take a look at this.Copy !req
75. We've got everything from
P.C. Principal's hard drive.Copy !req
76. He was onto the gentrification
around the world,Copy !req
77. and he was convincedCopy !req
78. that whatever was responsible
wasn't human.Copy !req
79. Not human?
Then, what?Copy !req
80. I don't care
if they're aliens or vampires.Copy !req
81. We need to round 'em up fast
and fuck them till they're dead.Copy !req
82. You don't want
to fuck a vampire.Copy !req
83. You'll get hepatitis.Copy !req
84. Oh, girlfriend,
I am well beyond that.Copy !req
85. Oh, my God.
Don't you see what this means?Copy !req
86. If something not human
is gentrifying the entire world,Copy !req
87. soon no human will be able
to afford it.Copy !req
88. They're trying to price
our species out of existence.Copy !req
89. Well, how do you like
my new apartment?Copy !req
90. What happened to you,
Nathan?Copy !req
91. I always thought
you were a nice kid.Copy !req
92. Now you've got a gun?Copy !req
93. Oh. Everyone's getting
one of these now, Jim.Copy !req
94. Nobody knows who to trust.Copy !req
95. Yeah? Well,
guns are never the answer.Copy !req
96. Don't you kind of wish
you'd had oneCopy !req
97. back when Leslie betrayed you
and nearly beat you to death?Copy !req
98. Oh. I guess it would have been
a decent answer then.Copy !req
99. T-T-T-Touché.Copy !req
100. You see, I've got
expensive tastes, Jimmy.Copy !req
101. I like good food,
organic pressed juices,Copy !req
102. and I've got a thing
for high-class prostitutes.Copy !req
103. Have you been introduced
to my current girlfriend?Copy !req
104. My name is Classi
with an "I,"Copy !req
105. and a little dick
hanging off the "C"Copy !req
106. that bends around
and fucks the "L"Copy !req
107. out of theCopy !req
108. Nice to meet you, Classi.Copy !req
109. All I had to do
was work for the ads,Copy !req
110. and I got
everything I wanted —Copy !req
111. My own loft
with all of Shi Tpa TownCopy !req
112. right at my doorstep.Copy !req
113. All it took was some P.C.,Copy !req
114. and the whole thing
was set in motion.Copy !req
115. Oh, great.Copy !req
116. So now ads are using P.C.
for their own gains?Copy !req
117. That's a new low.Copy !req
118. What is P.C. but a verbal form
of gentrification?Copy !req
119. Spruce everything up,
get rid of all the uglinessCopy !req
120. in order to create
a false sense of paradise.Copy !req
121. Only one thing can actually live
in that world — ads.Copy !req
122. I know I've said it before,
but, man, do I hate ads.Copy !req
123. Eric Cartman, I told you
to get ready for bed!Copy !req
124. Yeah, I just want to finish
this movie.Copy !req
125. No, Eric,
this is a school night.Copy !req
126. Mom,
I'm into this movie.Copy !req
127. I'm not going to bed
right now. Chillax.Copy !req
128. You most certainly are.Copy !req
129. Right now, mister!Copy !req
130. I will go to bed
when this movie is over, Mom.Copy !req
131. Eric!
Where did you get that?Copy !req
132. Turn off the light
and go back to bed.Copy !req
133. I'm staying up.Copy !req
134. Eric, you march right up
to your room —Copy !req
135. I don't think so, Mom.Copy !req
136. Eric, you get
your butt to bed!Copy !req
137. No means no, Bill Cosby!Copy !req
138. I told you to go upstairs
right now!Copy !req
139. Whoa, Mom,
what the hell?Copy !req
140. I'm not gonna
tell you again, Eric.Copy !req
141. It is time
for night-night!Copy !req
142. Mom, put down the gun.Copy !req
143. I am your mother, and you will
do what I tell you!Copy !req
144. Okay, I am going!Copy !req
145. Well, then you go
right now, mister!Copy !req
146. I am going to bed Mom!
Chillax.Copy !req
147. All right, then! No comic books!
Just straight to sleep!Copy !req
148. I love you, sweetie!Copy !req
149. Okay. I love you too, Mom.
Night-night.Copy !req
150. Wow, he — he listened.Copy !req
151. There has to be something —Copy !req
152. some clue as to what
we're dealing with.Copy !req
153. The news stories
P.C. Principal researchedCopy !req
154. are all so contradictory,Copy !req
155. as if whatever
these things areCopy !req
156. have control
over the news somehow.Copy !req
157. That sounds
like vampires to me.Copy !req
158. We have to find out who had me
fired with the Cosby joke.Copy !req
159. It's the key to knowing
what we're dealing with.Copy !req
160. Principal Victoria?Copy !req
161. Mr. Garrison?
Caitlyn Jenner?Copy !req
162. Stan, what the hell
are you doing in here?Copy !req
163. - Tell me what's going on, Dad.
- Nothing.Copy !req
164. We're just hanging out, talking
about Coldplay, all right?Copy !req
165. No! I want to know what the hell
is going on right now!Copy !req
166. What are you doing
with that?Copy !req
167. Kyle said I couldn't trust you.
What are you planning, Dad?Copy !req
168. Stan, it isn't
what you think.Copy !req
169. Then what is it?Copy !req
170. Look, I need to
show you something, okay?Copy !req
171. You need
to see this, son.Copy !req
172. Oh! Psych! Now put
the fucking gun down, bitch!Copy !req
173. I'm gonna go tell Mom!Copy !req
174. Oh, yeah? You go tell her.
I'll tell her you had a gun.Copy !req
175. You'll be
in more trouble than me!Copy !req
176. Stan, I am your dad.Copy !req
177. Put the gun down
and sit over there.Copy !req
178. - Mom!
- Shit!Copy !req
179. Took a lot to hunt you down,
P.C. Principal.Copy !req
180. You mind telling me why you're
going around the worldCopy !req
181. shooting up revitalized
arts-and-foods districts?Copy !req
182. You wouldn't believe me
if I told you.Copy !req
183. Try me!Copy !req
184. I don't know what they are,
but they used meCopy !req
185. and others like me
to try and change this planet.Copy !req
186. You don't know
what who are?Copy !req
187. Sir, the president is
on the phone.Copy !req
188. Wants to talk to you
about P.C. Principal.Copy !req
189. Yes, Mr. President.Copy !req
190. I see, sir.
Yes, I understand.Copy !req
191. We're to release him
immediately,Copy !req
192. no questions asked.Copy !req
193. And we're not supposed to
believe anything he tells us.Copy !req
194. Huh.
Ain't that a peach?Copy !req
195. He's being set free now,
Mr. President.Copy !req
196. Can I tell
the commander why?Copy !req
197. This is a matter
of national security.Copy !req
198. I understand, sir.Copy !req
199. Thank you.
God bless you.Copy !req
200. God bless you, too, sir.Copy !req
201. And may God bless
the United States of America.Copy !req
202. You okay?Copy !req
203. Yeah.
Just feeling butterflies.Copy !req
204. And my hands
are freezing.Copy !req
205. Here.Copy !req
206. Thank you, Kyle.Copy !req
207. Don't worry, Leslie.Copy !req
208. I won't let anything
happen to you.Copy !req
209. I'm warning you — You're on
the wrong side of this.Copy !req
210. We're just trying
to get answers.Copy !req
211. You pulled a gun
on our son, Randy!Copy !req
212. He pulled one
on me first, Sharon!Copy !req
213. Because you wouldn't
talk to me, Dad!Copy !req
214. Stanley, let your mother and I
deal with this.Copy !req
215. I told you
to leave him alone!Copy !req
216. God, I hate this family!Copy !req
217. Why are you always
taking Stan's side?Copy !req
218. Whoa! Whoa! Shelly!
Put down the gun, Shelly!Copy !req
219. You're always acting like Stan
can't do anything wrong!Copy !req
220. She doesn't always
take my side!Copy !req
221. You shut up, or I swear to God
I'll use this.Copy !req
222. Shelly, put it down.
Now.Copy !req
223. You don't even try
to know me, Dad!Copy !req
224. I want to, Shelly!Copy !req
225. I just sometimes feel
like you hate me!Copy !req
226. I feel like
you hate me, Randy!Copy !req
227. I don't hate you!
I love you!Copy !req
228. I need to be a better husband,
a better father!Copy !req
229. We all need to be better
to each other!Copy !req
230. Okay, maybe I need
to stop being so angry!Copy !req
231. I love you guys.Copy !req
232. We love you, too, Dad.Copy !req
233. We just want to know
what's going on with you.Copy !req
234. All right,
I'll tell you everything.Copy !req
235. Wow.
These things are amazing.Copy !req
236. All right,
Mrs. Farnickle, enjoy.Copy !req
237. And remember — If the safety's
on, you're good as gone.Copy !req
238. Okay, and next customer,
please.Copy !req
239. Ah, going for
the big one, huh?Copy !req
240. You must be feeling
extra jumpy!Copy !req
241. You don't know
the half of it.Copy !req
242. Well, this thing should
make you feel more at ease.Copy !req
243. You know, you ought to
check out the gun show.Copy !req
244. The gun show?Copy !req
245. Yeah, it's gonna
have everything!Copy !req
246. And with guns being so popular,Copy !req
247. practically everyone in town
is gonna be in attendance.Copy !req
248. The entire town
in one location?Copy !req
249. Oh, my God.Copy !req
250. The principal has become
our biggest problem.Copy !req
251. We need a news headline
that will draw him back to town.Copy !req
252. Oh, you're gonna sponsor
my content some more, baby?Copy !req
253. I'm all ears.Copy !req
254. I've got to get to
the Super School News.Copy !req
255. Hey, Classi, do you think
you could get me my crutches?Copy !req
256. Naw.Copy !req
257. I don't think
Nathan would like that.Copy !req
258. You seem like
a reasonable person.Copy !req
259. Do you really want to live
in a world controlled by ads?Copy !req
260. I mean, come on, Classi.Copy !req
261. No, it'a Cla-ass-I.
With an "I."Copy !req
262. The little dick
that hangs off the "C"Copy !req
263. fucks the "L"
out of the "ass."Copy !req
264. Cla-ass-I.Copy !req
265. Sorry. My bad.Copy !req
266. Look, I'm a news reporter,
Cla-ass-I,Copy !req
267. and in a world where ads
control the news,Copy !req
268. there's no way to be sure
anyone's ever hearing the truth.Copy !req
269. Truth about what?Copy !req
270. We can't just hide, Kyle.Copy !req
271. We have to let people know
P.C. is the enemyCopy !req
272. before it's too late.Copy !req
273. Leslie, we don't know
who is on their side.Copy !req
274. We have to stay safe.Copy !req
275. The principal is going to try
and make up some crazy story.Copy !req
276. That's what P.C. people do.Copy !req
277. You have to get
in front of everyoneCopy !req
278. and tell them
what you've learned.Copy !req
279. I gave up
giving speeches.Copy !req
280. But why?Copy !req
281. I came to you
because I had heardCopy !req
282. how good you were
at getting messages across.Copy !req
283. That and because...
I thought you were cute.Copy !req
284. I'm sure I'd have no problem
giving a speechCopy !req
285. if you could be by my side.Copy !req
286. Well, I can't go with you,
you know. It's too dangerous.Copy !req
287. Not if we go somewhereCopy !req
288. that's completely safe
from any violence.Copy !req
289. - Where?
- The gun show.Copy !req
290. Gun show?Copy !req
291. There'll be so many guns
that nothing bad can happen.Copy !req
292. Someone purposely had
Principal Victoria replacedCopy !req
293. with the new principal?Copy !req
294. Yes, they wanted
to use his P.C.Copy !req
295. as a means to start
gentrification in our town.Copy !req
296. That's why we thought
P.C. Principal was behind it.Copy !req
297. But now we know they were just
using his P.C. abilitiesCopy !req
298. to service
their own needs.Copy !req
299. When the pussy crusher story
came out in Super School News,Copy !req
300. it started to make
P.C. Principal question himself.Copy !req
301. He started digging for answers.
They didn't like that.Copy !req
302. So they tried to distract
and mislead him with this.Copy !req
303. Sorry. Wait. That's an ad
for McDonald's. Hold on.Copy !req
304. With this.
Ugh, there's that ad again.Copy !req
305. God, these things
are annoying.Copy !req
306. Anyways,
whatever these beings are,Copy !req
307. they try to keep anyone
from knowing the truth from —Copy !req
308. Ugh, I don't want to see
a slide show.Copy !req
309. P.C. Principal said something
was trying to divertCopy !req
310. and distract his
subconscious mind with this.Copy !req
311. Wait.
That's Leslie.Copy !req
312. Oh, my God.
It's Kyle.Copy !req
313. Kyle?Copy !req
314. Kyle's been protecting Leslie.
They're together.Copy !req
315. He's been making everyone
feel paranoidCopy !req
316. and saying
you're the enemy, Dad.Copy !req
317. Well, then,
it's time to go ask KyleCopy !req
318. why he sold out
his own kind.Copy !req
319. How will we get him
to talk?Copy !req
320. We're going to kill him
with kindness.Copy !req
321. But instead of kindness,
we're going to use guns.Copy !req
322. Yeah!Copy !req
323. - Yeah!
- Come on! Let's go!Copy !req
324. Shelly,
you take care of Grandpa!Copy !req
325. Okay!Copy !req
326. No, no, no.
Don't shoot Grandpa.Copy !req
327. Just literally
take care of him.Copy !req
328. Buckle up, buckaroos!Copy !req
329. Here it is, Jimmy,
hot off the presses.Copy !req
330. What is that?Copy !req
331. The newest edition
of Super School News,Copy !req
332. hitting the streets tomorrow.Copy !req
333. "Tragedy at gun show."Copy !req
334. What happened
at the gun show?Copy !req
335. Not what's happened —
what's going to happen.Copy !req
336. The final sweeping
underneath the rug.Copy !req
337. By this time tomorrow,Copy !req
338. nobody will be
asking questions ever again.Copy !req
339. The ads will have won,
and I will be the man.Copy !req
340. I think the ads
are playin' yo' ass.Copy !req
341. Shut up, Classi!Copy !req
342. Oh, he-e-ll no!Copy !req
343. What?Copy !req
344. Oh, hell no your Down syndrome
ass just slapped me.Copy !req
345. I'm'a break yo' dick off!Copy !req
346. Hang on, Classi.
I'm sorry.Copy !req
347. I will bust
yo' fucking ass!Copy !req
348. I will bust
yo' fucking nose!Copy !req
349. I ain't no mimsy-ass ho!Copy !req
350. I'm a classy bitch,
and I do not...Copy !req
351. want ads...
controlling my news!Copy !req
352. Cla-ass-I, thank you!Copy !req
353. You need my help?
You gots it.Copy !req
354. I need your phone
to call Officer Barbrady,Copy !req
355. and we have to get to
that gun show fast!Copy !req
356. Quick!
To the Classi-mobile!Copy !req
357. Welcome back
to the South Park Gun Show.Copy !req
358. We've had
over 2,000 gorgeous gunsCopy !req
359. come through this arena today.Copy !req
360. It's been whittled down
to seven,Copy !req
361. the winners
from each group.Copy !req
362. David, take us down the line.Copy !req
363. First, we have
the beautiful Yorkshire 33mmCopy !req
364. with proud owner
Steven Stotch.Copy !req
365. An absolutely gorgeous gun,
David.Copy !req
366. The playful and lovely
Australian semiautomatic,Copy !req
367. owned by Father Maxi.Copy !req
368. And there's the mayor
with her delightfulCopy !req
369. Rhodesian ridgeback
shotgun/rifle mix.Copy !req
370. That's a favorite
of the crowd here.Copy !req
371. Always a favorite
at these shows.Copy !req
372. That's a nice gun
right there.Copy !req
373. The judge now asking to seeCopy !req
374. that Yorkshire 33mm up close.Copy !req
375. And there it is —
Just a beautiful gun in motion.Copy !req
376. Everybody loves it.Copy !req
377. Looks like the judge
wants to take another lookCopy !req
378. at that shotgun/rifle mix.Copy !req
379. And next up will be the —Copy !req
380. Nobody move!Copy !req
381. Everyone just stay
where you are!Copy !req
382. And it looks like the
gun show is under attack, David.Copy !req
383. Yes, six armed gunmen
have entered the arena,Copy !req
384. one of which is carrying
an absolutely gorgeousCopy !req
385. little Pekingese Glock 17.Copy !req
386. Listen to me, everyone!Copy !req
387. There are beings
who are purposelyCopy !req
388. gentrifying the EarthCopy !req
389. so that humans
can no longer afford it.Copy !req
390. We've been looking
for Kyle Broflovski.Copy !req
391. Somebody's hiding him.Copy !req
392. Don't listen to them!Copy !req
393. The real conspiracy here
are the P.C. extremistsCopy !req
394. who have no problem killingCopy !req
395. whoever doesn't think
like they do!Copy !req
396. You son of a bitch, Stan.Copy !req
397. How could you have sided
with the enemy?Copy !req
398. Fuck you, Kyle.
You're the enemy.Copy !req
399. You've both got it wrong.Copy !req
400. Jimmy?Copy !req
401. Officer Barbrady?Copy !req
402. Classi?Copy !req
403. Randy?Copy !req
404. Kyle, I know
you probably thoughtCopy !req
405. Leslie was
a kind, caring girl,Copy !req
406. but the truth is
she's just an ad.Copy !req
407. An ad?Copy !req
408. They've become sentient!
They've taken human form.Copy !req
409. You can't tell what's human
and what's an ad anymore.Copy !req
410. Oh, geez.
Are you serious?Copy !req
411. How am I supposed to
fuck an ad to death?Copy !req
412. Ugh, flippin' ads.Copy !req
413. They're such
a pain in the ass.Copy !req
414. You told me
Jimmy was dead.Copy !req
415. So now we know who got
Principal Victoria fired.Copy !req
416. Nobody move, m'kay?Copy !req
417. Everybody just
stay where you are!Copy !req
418. Mackey?Copy !req
419. Yes, I wanted
Principal Victoria fired,Copy !req
420. but I didn't want
any of this!Copy !req
421. You got me fired?
Why?Copy !req
422. 18 years of answering to you.
18 years!Copy !req
423. You always telling me
what to do.Copy !req
424. If you had problems with me,
why didn't you just talk to me?Copy !req
425. You never listened!
Nobody listens to me!Copy !req
426. They just expect me
to listen to them!Copy !req
427. Maybe we should
have realizedCopy !req
428. that sometimes a counselor
needs counseling!Copy !req
429. I don't know.Copy !req
430. Maybe I got manipulated
by these ads, too, somehow,Copy !req
431. but I should have been
a better person!Copy !req
432. We all could be better people.
All of us!Copy !req
433. We all played a part.Copy !req
434. Maybe from now on people in this
town need to communicate more,Copy !req
435. care about each other!Copy !req
436. If we're gonna defeat
our enemies,Copy !req
437. that's what it's gonna take —
all of us together!Copy !req
438. If only we'd
had these before, huh?Copy !req
439. Every time you block us,
we get smarter.Copy !req
440. Every time you try to stop us,
we are more.Copy !req
441. If one plan fails,
we will plan another.Copy !req
442. You will never be rid of ads.Copy !req
443. Hey, Leslie!Copy !req
444. Your species took P.C. and
twisted it for evil purposes.Copy !req
445. That pisses me off!Copy !req
446. You're expelled.Copy !req
447. Yes, dude!Copy !req
448. Well, I guess there's just
one last thing to take care of.Copy !req
449. Why did it have to be
like this?Copy !req
450. Why couldn't we try to live
on this planet together?Copy !req
451. Maybe we're not perfect beings,
but we built a better town!Copy !req
452. We didn't need you
to do that!Copy !req
453. And we'll keep on trying
to make it better!Copy !req
454. Randy, you're yelling
at a Whole Foods.Copy !req
455. Go on!
Get out of here!Copy !req
456. We know!Copy !req
457. Others will know!Copy !req
458. It isn't going to be so easy.
Not anymore.Copy !req
459. All right everyone, listen up.Copy !req
460. I don't know about you,
but I, for one,Copy !req
461. am sick and tired
of all the hate speechCopy !req
462. and microaggressions
against our species.Copy !req
463. We have a new enemy out there,
an almost invisible foeCopy !req
464. that is so bigoted,
so racially biased,Copy !req
465. they actually think
we should all die.Copy !req
466. They are trying
to attract our youth,Copy !req
467. using tactics that are
underhanded and unfair.Copy !req
468. But no matter how hard
they hit us,Copy !req
469. we cannot let them
take from us our P.C.Copy !req
470. And so I have been asked
to stay on as your principal.Copy !req
471. A lot of changes will happen
in the coming months.Copy !req
472. The bottom line is
that the only thingCopy !req
473. that distinguishes
those who want to kill usCopy !req
474. from those who don't is
that we have the burning desireCopy !req
475. for social justice.Copy !req
476. We are at war,
but the only way to win this warCopy !req
477. is to be as understanding,
nonbiased,Copy !req
478. and politically correct
as possible.Copy !req
479. This is gonna be
really hard.Copy !req