1. There you are, Kyle.
Copy !req
2. I was gonna see
if you and brother
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3. wanted to go down
to the bowling alley.
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4. No, no, Dad, please.
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5. I just got Call of Duty:
Advanced Warfare.
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6. Me and Ike
are gonna play it together.
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7. It's your day off.
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8. You boys really want to spend it
inside in front of the TV?
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9. Please, Dad, I've been looking
forward to this all week!
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10. And it's me and Ike's
bonding time.
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11. Really. This is good
for our relationship.
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12. All right.
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13. I swear I'll never understand
you kids these days.
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14. Yes!
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15. Hey, Ike!
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16. Look what I got —
the new Call of Duty!
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17. You want to go downstairs
and play?
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18. Meh.
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19. "Meh"?
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20. Ike, we have the whole day
to play Xbox.
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21. Mom and Dad are leaving!
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22. Maybe later, 'kay?
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23. What are you watching?
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24. How's it going, bros?
My name's PewDiePie.
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25. We're playing Call of Duty:
Advanced Warfare.
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26. Here we go.
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27. Ah! People are
shooting at me, bros!
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28. You're watching someone
play Call of Duty
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29. and talk about it?
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30. PewDiePie!
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31. There's lots of bullets,
and I got to run!
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32. Run for the bunker!
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33. Raaaaah!
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34. But, Ike, we can go play
the game downstairs.
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35. Isn't that better
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36. than watching some guy
on YouTube playing it?
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37. Meh.
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38. Look at this.
Look at this.
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39. Oh, gigrrig!
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40. Dude, I'm telling you,
it's crazy.
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41. All my little brother
wants to do
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42. is sit on YouTube watching
this PewDiePie play video games.
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43. I swear I don't understand kids
these days.
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44. - What's a PewDiePie do?
- Google him!
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45. He's this guy from Sweden
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46. who has over 30 million
YouTube subscribers.
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47. We didn't even know,
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48. but he's a bigger celebrity
to kids than anyone.
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49. It's just seems so lame.
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50. He plays video games
and makes millions of dollars,
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51. and it's lame how?
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52. Because — Because that's
not even entertainment.
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53. I mean, it's just — just
rehashing shit, isn't it?
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54. It's like everything these kids
are into these days, you know?
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55. It's just rehashed shit.
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56. This Saturday!
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57. At the Pepsi Center!
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58. It's Women of Rock!
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59. Miley Cyrus!
- Iggy Azalea!
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60. - Nicki Minaj.
- And Lorde!
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61. - All on one stage!
- On one night!
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62. - With a special appearance by...
- Michael Jackson's hologram!
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63. Ticket proceeds help fight the
gluten crisis in West Africa.
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64. - It's a night of pure —
- Pure estrogen!
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65. Tickets on sale now.
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66. Yeah, it's me.
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67. I told you
I can't play the concert.
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68. Come on.
This is a great lineup.
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69. Look, I do a lot of
post-production enhancements
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70. to make my music sound
the way it does, okay?
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71. I feel like if I play live,
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72. I'm gonna
really disappoint people.
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73. I'm sorry,
but the answer is no.
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74. I don't think
you're really in a position
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75. to turn down this kind of gig.
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76. What is that supposed to mean?
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77. I understand your son gave
all your savings to Canada.
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78. Yes. Freemium gaming.
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79. I'm sorry.
Freemium gaming destroys lives.
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80. I lost my father
to Candy Crush.
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81. You need this, Lorde,
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82. and the girls out there
need you.
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83. You've got till tomorrow
to think it over.
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84. I love Candy Crush.
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85. All I wanted was to play
one level of Call of Duty,
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86. and you know
what Ike told me?
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87. He said the living room
is for old people.
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88. I don't get it.
The whole fun of Call of Duty
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89. is that you get to do
the shooting.
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90. I know! But that
doesn't matter anymore!
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91. These kids don't want to play
the game!
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92. They just want to watch people
on YouTube play it!
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93. And you know why?
Commentary.
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94. - Mrphrmhrm?
- Yeah.
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95. You used to sit in the living
room with family and friends
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96. to hear their commentary
on things.
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97. Now you can get it with a little
guy in a window on the screen,
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98. someone who just comments
on stuff.
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99. I mean, really, who would even
want to do that?
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100. Hey, brahs, what's going on?
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101. This is
Cartmanbrah!
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102. Be sure to subscribe to my
channel if you haven't already.
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103. 'Cause
subscribin' makes you feel good!
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104. So today I'm
gonna comment on Call of Duty.
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105. More specifically,
I'm going to comment
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106. on my friends commenting
on Call of Duty
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107. so let's start.
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108. All I wanted was to play
one level of Call of Duty...
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109. That's Kyle the Jew again,
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110. talking about Call of Duty
to Stan.
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111. I don't get it.
The whole fun of Call of Duty
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112. is that you get to do
the shooting.
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113. Stan is such a douche bag.
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114. He just agrees with Kyle
no matter what.
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115. These kids don't want to play
the game!
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116. They just want to watch people
on YouTube play it!
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117. There's Kenny commenting
on Call of Duty.
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118. Kenny! Kenny! Speak up!
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119. Speak through the hood,
Kenny!
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120. Mom! Dad!
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121. Kelly and Stacy are going to
the Women of Rock concert.
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122. Can I go with them?
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123. I don't know, Shelly.
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124. But, Mom, Lorde is playing!
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125. You can't not let me go,
or I'll hate you forever!
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126. Shelly,
there's a good chance
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127. Lorde isn't going to show up.
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128. She will too!
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129. She has to show up,
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130. and if I don't get to see her,
I'm gonna kill myself!
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131. And what if you go
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132. and Lorde doesn't sound so great
in person?
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133. That doesn't matter, Dad.
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134. We love Lorde
because she's real!
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135. God, you guys
don't understand anything!
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136. You know, I think Lorde
is going to play tomorrow.
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137. So, can I go or not?
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138. If she means that much
to you.
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139. Okay, yay, thanks!
Love you guys.
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140. So, you're doing it?
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141. How can I let her down?
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142. You mind finishing up here?
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143. I think I should practice
a little.
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144. Of course not.
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145. Anything to keep you away
from cock magic.
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146. Uh, so today I'm gonna
comment on Call of Duty.
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147. Hey, Ike, you want to come
watch TV with me?
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148. More specifically,
I'm going to comment
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149. on my friends commenting
on Call of Duty.
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150. - So let's start.
- Oh, no. No, Ike.
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151. You are not watching him
comment on things!
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152. All I wanted
was to play...
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153. That's Kyle the Jew again,
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154. talking about Call of Duty
to Stan.
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155. What the fuck?
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156. Stan is such a douche bag.
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157. He just agrees with Kyle
no matter what.
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158. Ike, that is enough.
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159. If you're interested
in Call of Duty
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160. then go play it downstairs
in the living room!
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161. God, these guys are
so annoying, aren't they?
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162. Cartmanbrah!
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163. But that's all
that matters now...
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164. Cartmanbrah!
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165. What do you think
you're doing?
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166. Shooting for the "d"
in a game of Horsedick.
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167. You know what I mean!
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168. Why is my little brother
watching you
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169. talking about us
talking about him?
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170. I have a YouTube blog
where I comment on video games.
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171. Big whoop.
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172. I don't need Ike listening to
you comment on anything!
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173. What are you talking about?
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174. This fat fuck thinks
he's PewDiePie.
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175. Because of him, I can't get Ike
to come out of his room!
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176. Because of me?
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177. I'm pretty sure
I'm not the person
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178. who invented Let's Plays,
Kyle.
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179. Let's Plays?
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180. That's what they're called,
dude.
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181. Get with the times.
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182. All right, guys, uh, Miley's
about to finish up her set,
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183. so next we'll need you,
Nicki Minaj,
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184. then Iggy Azalea,
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185. who will be performing with
a hologram of Michael Jackson,
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186. and then finally you, Lorde.
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187. Have a great show, ladies!
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188. Hey, uh, listen —
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189. I-I thought I could do this,
but it's not gonna work.
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190. You're nervous.
It's understandable.
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191. No, I'm...
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192. I know for a fact that I don't
sound the same live.
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193. You think those people out there
care what you sound like?
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194. You're just another
female pop star.
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195. Just go out there and pump
your hips and rub your clit.
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196. Hey! That's not what my music
is about!
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197. I'm not reducing myself
to that!
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198. Oh, fuck you, Lorde.
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199. You think you're so much better
than everyone.
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200. No, I don't, Iggy.
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201. I just think
that our younger girl fans
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202. need something a little
more positive as role models.
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203. That's easy for you to say
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204. because you don't have
a nice body!
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205. Is that why you're
so high and mighty, Lorde?
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206. Because you're jealous
of this booty?
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207. Iggs, I really don't care to
go through this again with you.
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208. 'Cause let's face it —
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209. You've got legs
that look like a horse!
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210. Fuck you!
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211. All right, that's enough!
Look at yourselves!
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212. You're an Internet
bullshit artist, Lorde!
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213. Hey. What's up?
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214. - You're not gonna believe this.
- Oh, no. What now?
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215. I wanted to get Ike
out of his room,
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216. so I invited all his friends
over for a slumber party
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217. to play
Dragon Age: Inquisition.
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218. - Yeah?
- Come on.
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219. just laying there.
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220. You see?
Look at this.
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221. Ike has all his friends over,
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222. and they're just sitting around
on their own computers,
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223. barely talking to each other.
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224. Ike is watching PewDiePie
play Dragon Age.
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225. I'm going.
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226. - PewDiePie!
- PewDiePie!
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227. And this kid
is watching Cartman
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228. commenting on people
commenting on Dragon Age!
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229. It's a really great game.
The characters are so rich!
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230. Butters is such a butthole.
Oh, my God. Cartmanbrah!
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231. - Cartmanbrah!
- Cartmanbrah!
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232. Dude, video games are meant
to be played in a living room,
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233. not something to watch people
comment on.
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234. Okay, grandpa, we'll be sure
to keep that in mind.
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235. - "Grandpa"?
- This is how they talk to us.
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236. You better
watch your mouth, kid!
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237. Yeah, Conner.
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238. We're supposed to respect
our elders, remember?
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239. It's best to just make
old people think they matter.
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240. Oh, is that right? Do you
even know how to multiply?
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241. No, sir. Thank goodness
we have you to do that.
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242. We're not being grandpas.
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243. Your guys' stuff
is just seriously lame.
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244. Our generation's stuff
is cool.
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245. All right, bitches and hos,
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246. here he is
via hologram and shit —
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247. Michael Jackson!
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248. And cue the hologram!
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249. They shouldn't rehash
dead people.
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250. It's so wrong.
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251. Oh, Lorde,
you're such a purest.
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252. Can't help it, Nick.
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253. Can't help feeling like
we're losing something.
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254. Hi, everybody!
I love you!
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255. Thanks for loving me!
I love you, too!
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256. So, I guess there's this
new trend with young people
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257. where the celebrities
they look up to most
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258. are YouTube commentators —
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259. just ordinary people
who sit in front of a mike
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260. and blab their opinions
about everything
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261. while their mindless
loyal followers cheer them on.
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262. Isn't that crazy?
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263. Well, let's meet one of
these stars of the Internet.
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264. Please welcome Cartmanbrah.
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265. Cartmanbrah!
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266. So can you explain
to our audience members
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267. over the age of 5
what it is that you do?
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268. Well, Wendy, I started
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269. by talking about people
talking about video games,
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270. but now I'm branching out
into talking about people
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271. talking about music
and the arts, as well.
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272. And why do you think
young people —
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273. Cartmanbrah!
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274. Why do you think young people
are responding to this?
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275. Why dah do thin'
young perpel are papin' to der?
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276. I'm asking you a question.
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277. I'm atting you
a questo. Why dah du qua —
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278. Aah! Cartmanbrah!
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279. Cartmanbrah!
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280. Be sure to subscribe
to my channel, brahs.
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281. And now give it up
for the girl from New Zealand —
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282. Lorde!
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283. Thank you!
Thanks a lot!
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284. This is for all the royals
out there!
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285. Uh, okay, uh...
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286. Oh, God. Sorry.
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287. Uh, hold on. Hang on.
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288. I'm free! I'm free!
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289. Sorry, folks.
Just one second here.
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290. Stop him!
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291. Michael Jackson's hologram
is on the loose.
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292. Okay, uh...
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293. Okay, uh, uh...
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294. Ooh!
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295. Oh, yeah!
Oh, my clit!
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296. Oh, yeah!
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297. Ooh, yeah.
Flick that bean. Yeah.
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298. Oh, Lorde! Eww!
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299. Oh, I'm so horny!
Yeah!
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300. Ooh, fuck!
My clit's so big.
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301. Ooh!
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302. Could you, um,
pass the potatoes, Stan?
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303. Great. Thanks.
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304. Well, nobody's talking.
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305. Doesn't anyone have anything
to talk about?
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306. Why did you have to rub
your clit onstage, Dad?
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307. I was told to.
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308. You were told to walk out
in front of 100,000 people,
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309. including little girls
who look up to you,
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310. and start rubbing your clit?
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311. Okay, hold on.
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312. "A," I don't have a clit,
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313. so, technically,
I wasn't rubbing anything.
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314. And "B," I didn't want to
even perform tonight,
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315. but Stanley gave
all our money to Canada
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316. through a freemium game,
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317. so if anyone rubbed their clit,
it was him.
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318. Pff.
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319. It's dying.
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320. The living room is dying.
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321. Yeah, it's me.
I need to fix this.
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322. How can I undo
the clit rubbing?
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323. What are you talking about?
It's great!
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324. You're the most commented-on
artist in the world right now.
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325. You're blowing up Twitter
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326. and you're trending
on Cartmanbrah.
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327. Look, this isn't what I want.
My music is supposed to be —
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328. it's not about the music,
Lorde.
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329. It never was.
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330. It's about comments.
And, sister, you got 'em.
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331. This ends now.
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332. I'm gonna tell people
the truth.
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333. Will you look at that?
Everyone on their cellphones.
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334. Nobody saying a word
to each other.
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335. Call me a grandpa,
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336. but I still like commenting
face-to-face with folks.
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337. You know what I mean, buddy?
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338. Yes.
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339. You're heading up
to the mountains, too, huh?
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340. Gonna do some skiing?
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341. No, I just need to take care of
some I-important business.
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342. Oh, what kind of business?
Are you a fisherman?
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343. Yes.
I mean — Yes, that's all.
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344. I'm — I'm just gonna fish
and hunt.
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345. Oh, you're a hunter.
What do you prey upon?
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346. Nobody!
That's ignorant!
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347. Well, you must have
a favorite kind of prey.
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348. Allegedly! Allegedly!
That's ignorant!
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349. You know,
excuse me for saying so,
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350. but you seem
kind of transparent.
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351. That's ignorant.
I'm just cold.
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352. I'm saying
it must make it easier
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353. to sneak up on your prey.
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354. Allegedly!
I'm weary of this conversation.
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355. Can we please stop talking?
Please?
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356. Ignorant.
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357. Well, whatever it is
you're after, I hope you get it.
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358. Oh, I will.
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359. Trust me. I will.
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360. Oh, we've lost any ability
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361. to track
the hologram's location.
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362. It — It looks like
it reprogrammed
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363. its guidance systems.
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364. We paid a lot of money
for that hologram.
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365. You better find a way
to get it back.
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366. Project Alpha?
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367. Yes.
That might be our only option.
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368. What is Project Alpha?
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369. The first hologram we ever
created to appear onstage.
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370. It was a prototype,
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371. but perhaps the best thing
to stop a hologram...
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372. Is another hologram.
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373. Bring up Project Alpha.
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374. Sir, are you sure
that we want to —
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375. Bring it up!
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376. What is that?
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377. Tupac.
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378. Tupac.
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379. Yo.
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380. The hologram of Michael Jackson
is on the loose.
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381. We need you to take care
of the situation.
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382. Godspeed, Tupac.
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383. Oh, my gosh, honey!
Look, it's Tupac!
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384. I told you them homeys
didn't cap his ass.
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385. Oh, this is going
on Instagram.
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386. Hey, hey.
How's it going, brahs?
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387. This is Cartmanbrah.
Cartmanbrah!
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388. And we are — It looks like
we are at the bus stop now.
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389. Yep. There's Kyle, Stan, and
Kenny looking stupid as ever.
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390. I don't know
what the hell to do.
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391. - The whole world's gone crazy.
- Tell me about it.
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392. Uh-oh. Looks like Kyle's taking
issue with something again.
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393. Kyle's got a problem!
Cartmanbrah!
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394. You know, you used to sit
in the living room
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395. with your friends and family,
and they were the ones
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396. commenting on
whatever was on TV.
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397. Oh, God.
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398. Do you mind?
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399. Oh, looks like
Kyle's commenting
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400. on my commenter window, brahs.
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401. Be sure to comment on that.
#Kyle'sgettingfrustrated.
Copy !req
402. Dude! Nobody wants to hear you
commenting on things.
Copy !req
403. Oh, really? 10,000 subscribers
and counting, brah.
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404. Thanks for seeing me.
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405. I've got my speech written.
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406. I'm ready to let the world
know the truth.
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407. Sit down, Lorde.
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408. I'm not interested in being
talked out of ending this.
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409. It's the right thing to do.
Copy !req
410. Do you know what an artist
is now, Lorde?
Copy !req
411. An artist is a conversation
piece, nothing more.
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412. Like a vase
or a kitschy side table.
Copy !req
413. Just something
for people to comment on.
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414. The old ways are dying.
Copy !req
415. We're not making money
off records.
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416. We're making money
off tweets,
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417. and you've taken it
to a whole new level.
Copy !req
418. Well, that's not a world Lorde
ever wanted to be a part of.
Copy !req
419. On the contrary,
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420. Lorde is going on
the Jimmy Fallon show tonight
Copy !req
421. and exposing her asshole
for everyone to freak out about.
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422. I'll do no such thing.
Copy !req
423. Who said anything about you?
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424. You can't just replace artists
with holograms.
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425. Who will make the content?
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426. Today,
commentary is the content.
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427. And you, I'm afraid,
are just in the way.
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428. Okay, children.
Let's take our seats.
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429. Before we get started, Kyle has
asked to say a few words.
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430. Go ahead, Kyle.
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431. What is happening
to our living rooms?
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432. There is a crisis in America,
and —
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433. Looks like
we're in the school now.
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434. Check out Wendy.
She's flat as a pancake.
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435. What the hell is that?
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436. It's Cartman's stupid
online persona.
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437. Oh, my dick's
getting hard again.
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438. It's protruding out my pants!
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439. What the hell?
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440. This is the way of the future,
Mr. Garrison.
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441. - It's true!
- That's right.
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442. Butters will back me up
on anything. He's such a bitch.
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443. Yeah.
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444. There is a crisis
in America
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445. as families grow further
and further apart —
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446. There is a crisis in America,
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447. and we have to save
our living rooms.
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448. Our living rooms are dying.
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449. Mr. Garrison,
will you make him stop?
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450. I don't — I don't even
understand what's happening.
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451. This is the reason
why our living rooms are dying!
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452. This is the reason
our living rooms are dying!
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453. So we've got to do something.
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454. Eric Cartman's commenter window
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455. to the principal's office,
please.
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456. Eric Cartman's commenter window
to the principal's office.
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457. What the hell did I do?
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458. Eric, I've had
a lot of complaints
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459. that your online persona
is becoming a distraction.
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460. Well, this sucks.
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461. Looks like I'm
in the principal's office
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462. for just commenting
on things.
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463. Eric, I am talking to you.
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464. Adults so don't get
what's cool anymore.
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465. Sharon! Sharon!
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466. Randy?
What's going on?
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467. They made a hologram of me,
Sharon.
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468. They don't care about the music.
They're replacing us!
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469. Oh, my God.
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470. You mean...
I just slept with a hologram?
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471. The hologram's
in our bedroom?
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472. Yes!
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473. A'ight.
I got to be leaving now, Sharon.
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474. I would leave you my number, but
I'm just a hologram and shit.
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475. You slept with Tupac?
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476. Sharon!
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477. It's a brave new world.
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478. Starting much sooner
than we thought.
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479. What we need is someone
who truly gets
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480. the changing of the guard.
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481. We have an army of holograms
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482. poised to start the next chapter
in American culture.
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483. How would you like to be
in charge of it all?
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484. Oh, totally, brah.
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485. So sweet.
Being in charge of stuff rules.
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486. Cartmanbrah!
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487. Glad you feel that way.
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488. We have
a lot to do together.
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489. We're about to take this
to a whole new level.
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490. Oh, I love whole new levels!
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491. This is gonna be
so totally awesome!
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492. Cartmanbrah!
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