1. Boner balls.Copy !req
2. Boner balls.
Boner — Boner forest.Copy !req
3. Dense boner forest.Copy !req
4. Pungent crotch sweat.Copy !req
5. Pungent —
Milk— Milky crotch ooze.Copy !req
6. Barking vaginal belch.Copy !req
7. Protruding vaginal boner.Copy !req
8. Mrph rmhmhm rm!Copy !req
9. Oh, I like that.Copy !req
10. Rotten booby turds!Copy !req
11. Nah.Copy !req
12. - Bloody butt cough.
- Uh-huh.Copy !req
13. Angry clit spasm.Copy !req
14. Nope, sorry.Copy !req
15. Whooping fart balls.Copy !req
16. Nope.Copy !req
17. Lubricated titty burgers.Copy !req
18. That's taken too.Copy !req
19. Indifferent rectal
semen splooge.Copy !req
20. Sorry.Copy !req
21. Indifferent Rectal
Semen Splooge is taken?Copy !req
22. Come on!Copy !req
23. How are we supposed to name
our start-up companyCopy !req
24. if every name is already taken?Copy !req
25. I told you,
you just have to beCopy !req
26. really original
with your company name.Copy !req
27. There's a lot of
start-up companies these days.Copy !req
28. Furry Balls Plopped Menacingly
on the Table, Inc.Copy !req
29. That's available!Copy !req
30. Congratulations.Copy !req
31. It doesn't quite
roll of the tongue.Copy !req
32. Dude, we're not gonna get
any attention with that name.Copy !req
33. Man, this sucks!Copy !req
34. Uh, Stan, aren't you
supposed to be in school?Copy !req
35. No, Dad, we don't need
school anymore.Copy !req
36. We're forming
a start-up company.Copy !req
37. A start-up company?
A company that does what?Copy !req
38. No, we don't want to
do anything.Copy !req
39. Yeah, that's why we want
to have a start-up company.Copy !req
40. Yeah, we're sick of school,Copy !req
41. but all
the good, attention-gettingCopy !req
42. start-up company names
are taken!Copy !req
43. Well, boys, there's more
to starting a companyCopy !req
44. than having a catchy name.Copy !req
45. No, there isn't.Copy !req
46. You guys!
You guys, it's awesome!Copy !req
47. Holy shit, you guys!Copy !req
48. You guys, I've got it!Copy !req
49. What?Copy !req
50. It's the greatest
start-up company name ever.Copy !req
51. What? Tell us!Copy !req
52. Washington Redskins.Copy !req
53. Washington Redskins?Copy !req
54. It's so sweet.Copy !req
55. I'm pretty sure
that's taken, Cartman.Copy !req
56. It's not, dude!Copy !req
57. Some dumb court thingy happened,
and the trademark got pulled!Copy !req
58. We can use it!
And the logo!Copy !req
59. Washington Redskins.Copy !req
60. - I like it.
- Mrph rm!Copy !req
61. What?Copy !req
62. Dude, there's already
brand-name awareness,Copy !req
63. and it's
instantly recognizable.Copy !req
64. Wait, guys, this —
this doesn't seem legal.Copy !req
65. Kyle, you're not hearing me.Copy !req
66. The trademark has been pulled.
We can do whatever we want.Copy !req
67. - You all right, dude?
- Yeah. I just...Copy !req
68. Well, I just thought
our company name would beCopy !req
69. more, like, original.Copy !req
70. It's a strong name, dude.Copy !req
71. It's, like, aggressive
and masculine,Copy !req
72. like Boner Forest,
but Boner Forest was taken.Copy !req
73. Yeah, but maybe we need
a name that's more affirming,Copy !req
74. like, shows what we stand for.Copy !req
75. We don't stand for anything.
Remember our company plan, guys.Copy !req
76. Start up, cash in,
sell out, bro down.Copy !req
77. I'm just not sure
this is the nameCopy !req
78. people are gonna give money to.Copy !req
79. - We already got a dollar!
- What?Copy !req
80. - $1 pledged!
- Mrph rm!Copy !req
81. I told you, guys!Copy !req
82. "Washington Redskins" totally
gets peoples' attention!Copy !req
83. - Another $2!
- No way!Copy !req
84. Sitting on our asses,
here we come!Copy !req
85. Another new start-up companyCopy !req
86. is gaining a lot of attention
on the Internet.Copy !req
87. They're a company that does
absolutely nothingCopy !req
88. and they're called
the Washington Redskins.Copy !req
89. The Redskins started
as what appeared to beCopy !req
90. some kind of adolescent prank,Copy !req
91. but almost overnight
it has becomeCopy !req
92. one of the most heavily funded
projects on Kickstarter.Copy !req
93. Why did you give $5Copy !req
94. to the Washington Redskins
Kickstarter?Copy !req
95. I don't know, I just —Copy !req
96. They don't do anything.
That's pretty sweet.Copy !req
97. I don't know.
I thought it was funny.Copy !req
98. By pledging just $1 or $2,
you are helping usCopy !req
99. in our fervent quest
to not have to do stuff.Copy !req
100. If you pledge $10 or more,
you will receiveCopy !req
101. this luxurious company
micro badge.Copy !req
102. It's called crowdfunding —Copy !req
103. using the Internet
to raise moneyCopy !req
104. without having to
pay back your investors,Copy !req
105. a tactic that some believe
is unfair and impersonal.Copy !req
106. Washington Redskins,
go fuck yourself.Copy !req
107. Sure! We'd be happy
to take your money.Copy !req
108. Yep, just go
to our Kickstarter page.Copy !req
109. Okay, nice, idiot.
Uh-huh, fuck you, bye-bye.Copy !req
110. You are Eric Cartman?Copy !req
111. Yes, I know.Copy !req
112. My name is Dan Snyder.Copy !req
113. I'm the president and owner
of the Washington Redskins.Copy !req
114. Oh, cool.
Please, take a seat.Copy !req
115. Thank you, but I will stand.Copy !req
116. Nice. I like that.Copy !req
117. Young man, we ask that you
please stop using the nameCopy !req
118. Washington Redskins
for your organization.Copy !req
119. Stop? But why?Copy !req
120. Because we are
the Washington RedskinsCopy !req
121. and we are a football team.Copy !req
122. You have no right to use
our name to get attention.Copy !req
123. Uh, the trademark got pulled,Copy !req
124. so I'm totally free
to use the name, actually.Copy !req
125. Uh, Butters,
could you get that?Copy !req
126. Washington Redskins,
go fuck yourself.Copy !req
127. Look, don't you see that
when you call your organizationCopy !req
128. the Washington Redskins,
it's offensive to us?Copy !req
129. How is it offensive?Copy !req
130. How is it offensive?
Jesus, what —Copy !req
131. we are a proud team,
Mr. Cartman.Copy !req
132. We have no wish
to be associatedCopy !req
133. with people
who actively do nothing.Copy !req
134. Makes us feel like a joke!Copy !req
135. Guys, guys.
We have total respect for you.Copy !req
136. When we named our company
Washington Redskins,Copy !req
137. it was out of deep appreciation
for your team and your people.Copy !req
138. Uh, I know I can't legally
make you stop using our name,Copy !req
139. but — but won't you just do it
out of decency?Copy !req
140. N-N-N-No.Copy !req
141. Because I don't want to,Copy !req
142. and we can't just
change the name of our companyCopy !req
143. 'cause it's, like, super hard.Copy !req
144. But, hey, from one Redskin
to another, go fuck yourself.Copy !req
145. All around the world,
people are sayingCopy !req
146. they are inspired
by the Washington Redskins.Copy !req
147. The Internet start-up company
has raised so much moneyCopy !req
148. on Kickstarter that now
more groups are doing the same.Copy !req
149. More news on the
Washington Redskins tonight.Copy !req
150. Their defiant "F you" attitudeCopy !req
151. has now caught the attention
of the terrorist group ISIS.Copy !req
152. The terrorists said they admire
the Washington RedskinsCopy !req
153. and want to try and follow
their business model.Copy !req
154. Well, let's not
forget, Marsha,Copy !req
155. that there's a people here,
okay,Copy !req
156. who are not happy
about the use of the name —Copy !req
157. the football
Washington Redskins.Copy !req
158. Well, yeah but does
anyone really care about them?Copy !req
159. Dude, this is so cool!Copy !req
160. We only have six days to go
before all the moneyCopy !req
161. pledged to our company
becomes liquid.Copy !req
162. Guys, we need to talk to you.Copy !req
163. I really don't think
we want to be a companyCopy !req
164. that ISIS looks up to.Copy !req
165. We should maybe
issue a statement sayingCopy !req
166. that we don't sanction them.Copy !req
167. Oh, no.
No, you guys.Copy !req
168. We started this company
to do nothing.Copy !req
169. If we start doing stuff now,
it'll put it all at risk.Copy !req
170. People aren't
going to support our companyCopy !req
171. if we dig in our heels and say
we don't care about anything.Copy !req
172. Digging in our heels
and pissing on public opinionCopy !req
173. is what the Washington Redskins
are all about!Copy !req
174. Now, come on, guys!Copy !req
175. If you want to be
a successful business,Copy !req
176. then you have to be honest
about what you are.Copy !req
177. Once you take a stand
on something, you're pretendingCopy !req
178. like your company is about
more than money.Copy !req
179. Then all of a sudden,
you're the NFLCopy !req
180. and your players get caught
molesting little boys!Copy !req
181. That's the Catholic church!Copy !req
182. NFL, Catholic church —
same thing!Copy !req
183. Okay, let's use
the Catholic church.Copy !req
184. You take a moral stand
on issues,Copy !req
185. you say you're about honor
and integrity,Copy !req
186. and the next thing you know,
your clergymen areCopy !req
187. getting caught beating up
their wives in an elevator.Copy !req
188. - That's the NFL.
- It's the same thing, Kyle!Copy !req
189. The point is,
if we as an organizationCopy !req
190. claim to be about high morality,
somebody is eventuallyCopy !req
191. going to get raped or beaten
in an elevator,Copy !req
192. and it's most likely
going to be Butters.Copy !req
193. Oh, no!Copy !req
194. All right, I really didn't
want to have to do this, but...Copy !req
195. I'm not happy with the direction
this company is taking.Copy !req
196. Well, what are you gonna do?
Go back to school?Copy !req
197. I'm not going back there, man.Copy !req
198. Maybe I'll start
my own company.Copy !req
199. Well, that's fine.Copy !req
200. You can't call yourself
Washington Redskins!Copy !req
201. I don't want to!
It's a stupid name!Copy !req
202. Well, I guess everything's
out on the table now, huh, Kyle?Copy !req
203. Yeah, I guess —
I guess everything is.Copy !req
204. Stan, do you think
our name is stupid too?Copy !req
205. I don't know.Copy !req
206. But I don't know if my future
is with this company either.Copy !req
207. Well, then, I wish you both well
in your new venture.Copy !req
208. Goodbye.Copy !req
209. Hang on. Is this the company
where I don't raped?Copy !req
210. Yeah, h-here, right?
Okay, I-I'm staying here.Copy !req
211. Is the league
just going to sit byCopy !req
212. while my team and my players
are compared to ISIS?Copy !req
213. You have to do something,
Commissioner Goodell!Copy !req
214. What are you going to do
about this?Copy !req
215. I will
get it rightCopy !req
216. and do whatever is necessary
to accomplish that.Copy !req
217. What?Copy !req
218. We will continue to identify
and add expertise to our team.Copy !req
219. That's the most ridiculous,
nothing answer I've ever heard.Copy !req
220. What are you gonna do now?Copy !req
221. Everyone will participate
in education sessionsCopy !req
222. starting in the next month.Copy !req
223. Ugh!
This thing is broken!Copy !req
224. We can add — And we will
do more — do more —Copy !req
225. do more —
do more...Copy !req
226. Get all the NFL owners
on Skype!Copy !req
227. This — This thing
is broken again!Copy !req
228. And so I call upon the help
of all owners —Copy !req
229. You cannot let my people
be belittled like this.Copy !req
230. Dan, you don't want to be
dealing with this stuff,Copy !req
231. let the Goodell-bot do it.Copy !req
232. The stupid thing
isn't working!Copy !req
233. I will
get it right.Copy !req
234. Man, that thing hasn't worked
right since we bought it.Copy !req
235. Look, my team is starting
to lose hope.Copy !req
236. You have to use your influenceCopy !req
237. to make these people
change their name.Copy !req
238. Did you tell them we're
about honor and integrity?Copy !req
239. If the Goodell-bot is broken,Copy !req
240. we must stay out of it
more than even usual.Copy !req
241. And so I'm alone?Copy !req
242. What if they ridicule
the 49ers' team next?Copy !req
243. Or make fun of Jerry JonesCopy !req
244. because his eyes
are too far apart?Copy !req
245. My eyes aren't too far apart.Copy !req
246. If we get them
to change their logo,Copy !req
247. will it make you happy?Copy !req
248. I-I guess
we can live with that.Copy !req
249. Then it is decided.Copy !req
250. We will make them
change their logo.Copy !req
251. Begin mass-behind-the-scenes,Copy !req
252. under-the-table
enforcement of our wishes now!Copy !req
253. Go!Copy !req
254. Thank God.Copy !req
255. Fuck you, fuck you!Copy !req
256. Fuck you up there.
Fuck you.Copy !req
257. "Fuck you."Copy !req
258. Those words mean
a great deal to us.Copy !req
259. They help us express
just how we as a companyCopy !req
260. see things differently.Copy !req
261. There are a lot of start-up
companies on Kickstarter,Copy !req
262. but after today
I think you'll agreeCopy !req
263. that Washington Redskins
is the most exciting.Copy !req
264. As you know,
the Redskins have beenCopy !req
265. on the forefront of Kickstarter
as a companyCopy !req
266. that is always finding
new and exciting waysCopy !req
267. to tell people
to go fuck themselves.Copy !req
268. And now our company is
thrilled to show youCopy !req
269. all the latest innovations
we've come up with.Copy !req
270. To begin with,
we have moved the couchCopy !req
271. from the left side of the office
to the right side.Copy !req
272. But we didn't stop there.Copy !req
273. We also added a new rugCopy !req
274. that goes better
with our office drapes.Copy !req
275. And probably
most exciting of all,Copy !req
276. we have actually updated
the company from the inside out.Copy !req
277. We received a lot of pressure
from certain communitiesCopy !req
278. to change our Redskins logo.Copy !req
279. As a company we want to be firm,
but we also want to be flexible,Copy !req
280. and so we thought
if we have to change our logo,Copy !req
281. it should be more
in step with today's timesCopy !req
282. but still define us as
the leading Kickstarter company.Copy !req
283. What we came up with
is the new company logoCopy !req
284. that I think you'll all agree
is very exciting.Copy !req
285. Now when people hear
the name "Redskins,"Copy !req
286. they will immediately think
"titties" and "balls."Copy !req
287. It's just a bold new way
that we can say,Copy !req
288. "We don't fucking care."Copy !req
289. Go, Redskins!Copy !req
290. It's so awesome, dude.Copy !req
291. Our company already has
a hundred backers,Copy !req
292. and we still have
14 days to go!Copy !req
293. Yeah.Copy !req
294. You okay, bro?Copy !req
295. I just never saw myself
owning a company calledCopy !req
296. Furry Balls Plopped
Menacingly on the Table.Copy !req
297. Give it time.
It'll grow on you.Copy !req
298. Why don't we just call it
Untitled Start-up Company?Copy !req
299. Because that sounds like
we don't have anything.Copy !req
300. We've been through this
already, Stan.Copy !req
301. Yeah, I know that.Copy !req
302. But a good company should never
have seven words in its title.Copy !req
303. What do you mean?Copy !req
304. I just feel that
somewhere out there,Copy !req
305. there's a perfect
start-up company name,Copy !req
306. and I need to be free
to go find it.Copy !req
307. Oh.Copy !req
308. Well, I certainly
don't want you to feelCopy !req
309. that Furry Balls Plopped
Menacingly on the TableCopy !req
310. is holding you back.Copy !req
311. Good luck
with your company, dude.Copy !req
312. Yeah.
Good luck with yours.Copy !req
313. It's just incredible, Harry.Copy !req
314. Everyone is using Kickstarter
for everything!Copy !req
315. And for every project funded,
we get 5%.Copy !req
316. It's like we don't even
have to do anythingCopy !req
317. and we just make money.Copy !req
318. Sitting on our asses,
here we come.Copy !req
319. Caw-caw. Caw-cawCopy !req
320. Hoo-hoo.
Hoo-hoo-hoo.Copy !req
321. Huh?Copy !req
322. Aah!Copy !req
323. Aah!Copy !req
324. Go-o-od morning, guys!Copy !req
325. - Happy deadline day!
- We made it, guys.Copy !req
326. We can finally stop doing stuffCopy !req
327. and see just how much
our company madeCopy !req
328. in four, three, two, one —Copy !req
329. That's the deadline!Copy !req
330. Oh, boy, this is
like Christmas morning!Copy !req
331. What the hell?
"Can't find the server"?Copy !req
332. Kickstarter.com.Copy !req
333. Kickstarter.
Where is Kickstarter?Copy !req
334. Get it up on your phone,
Butters.Copy !req
335. Come on, I want to know
how much our company is worth!Copy !req
336. It's not coming up
on my phone either. I —Copy !req
337. Holy Mother Mary!Copy !req
338. Mrph?Copy !req
339. Somebody raided KickstarterCopy !req
340. and they burned the building
to the ground!Copy !req
341. - What?
- Somebody killed Kickstarter!Copy !req
342. Who the hell would burn
Kickstarter to the ground?Copy !req
343. Oh, my God!Copy !req
344. That weird, little Jewy guy!Copy !req
345. Kyle!Copy !req
346. What the hell is wrong?Copy !req
347. "Can't find the server"?
Kickstarter.Copy !req
348. - You son of a bitch!
- What?Copy !req
349. You broke Kickstarter!Copy !req
350. N-No, I just can't get it
to load.Copy !req
351. Nobody can!
It's gone!Copy !req
352. You just couldn't take it
that our companyCopy !req
353. was more successful
than yours would ever be!Copy !req
354. My company was
on Kickstarter too!Copy !req
355. - Why would I get rid of it?
- Well, somebody did!Copy !req
356. It doesn't matter, you guys.Copy !req
357. There's something
a lot more important here.Copy !req
358. Do you guys remember
when we first decidedCopy !req
359. to start a company together?Copy !req
360. We all had a common goal,Copy !req
361. and we weren't gonna let
anything stop usCopy !req
362. from getting to the bro down.Copy !req
363. But somewhere between
starting up and selling out,Copy !req
364. we — we lost our way.Copy !req
365. We can't do this on our own.
We need each other.Copy !req
366. He's right.
We should do a merger.Copy !req
367. A merger?Copy !req
368. It's too late for that,
you guys!Copy !req
369. Kickstarter is gone!Copy !req
370. We don't have a company!
We don't have anything!Copy !req
371. Yes, we do.Copy !req
372. We have a sweet name.Copy !req
373. I was wrong, Cartman.Copy !req
374. Washington Redskins
is the perfect name.Copy !req
375. I think maybe I was just jealous
that I didn't come up with it.Copy !req
376. It is really sweet.Copy !req
377. And we always said that
all we needed was a sweet nameCopy !req
378. and the rest
would figure itself out.Copy !req
379. Yeah, we can do it, fellas!
It'll be like old times!Copy !req
380. What do you say, Cartman?Copy !req
381. Fuck you!Copy !req
382. Fuck you, everyone!Copy !req
383. Yes, fuck you all.
Thanks!Copy !req
384. How do you stay relevant
in a volatile marketplace?Copy !req
385. As you know,
our goal at Washington RedskinsCopy !req
386. is to not do anything
and make money not doing it.Copy !req
387. When Kickstarter went down,Copy !req
388. many saw
their start-up projects die,Copy !req
389. but here at Washington Redskins
we saw opportunity.Copy !req
390. People still need a way
to raise moneyCopy !req
391. for their stupid
start-up projects,Copy !req
392. and with the Redskins
you can now go fund yourself.Copy !req
393. And the idea is simple.Copy !req
394. You, the people, go out
and raise all your own money,Copy !req
395. and give
the Washington Redskins 5%.Copy !req
396. You will literally
be giving us moneyCopy !req
397. for doing absolutely nothing.Copy !req
398. It is the biggest fuck you
we have ever come up with.Copy !req
399. But we didn't stop there,Copy !req
400. because a new company direction
also means, of course,Copy !req
401. a new and improved logo.Copy !req
402. Go, Redskins!Copy !req
403. A beautiful night
in Arlington, Texas,Copy !req
404. as the Dallas Cowboys get set to
take on the Washington Redskins.Copy !req
405. That is, of course,
Washington RedskinsCopy !req
406. the football team,
not Washington RedskinsCopy !req
407. the audacious
crowdfunding company.Copy !req
408. Yeah, and if you ask me,
the Redskins are a scam.Copy !req
409. You're talking about the
crowdfunding company Redskins.Copy !req
410. That's right.Copy !req
411. A-And now you've got
terrorist groups like ISISCopy !req
412. using the Redskins
to raise their money.Copy !req
413. I don't like
what the Redskins are doing.Copy !req
414. - Those Redskins.
- Yeah, whatever.Copy !req
415. It's over.Copy !req
416. Our name has been reduced
to a stereotype and a joke.Copy !req
417. Yeah, let's just go home.Copy !req
418. No.
No, we cannot give up!Copy !req
419. We have been through
too much together!Copy !req
420. We have fought Eagle and Bear!Copy !req
421. The Eagles only beat us
by 3 points!Copy !req
422. Yeah, but I just feel stupid
wearing this now.Copy !req
423. - Yeah.
- Come on, guys.Copy !req
424. Where will we go?
What will we do?Copy !req
425. Don't let them break you!
Don't let them win!Copy !req
426. And the Cowboys
are still set to kick off,Copy !req
427. but there doesn't seem anyone
to kick off to.Copy !req
428. Yeah,
and Jerry Jones must be happy.Copy !req
429. This means a forfeit
and another win for the Cowboys.Copy !req
430. Wait a minute —
It appears a lone RedskinCopy !req
431. is making his way
out of the locker room.Copy !req
432. The Cowboys kick it off.Copy !req
433. Hut!Copy !req
434. Hut hut hut!Copy !req
435. Aah! Aah!Copy !req
436. Hut hut hut.
Hut hut hut hut!Copy !req
437. Ah! Aah!Copy !req
438. Aah!Copy !req
439. Hut!
Hut hut hut.Copy !req
440. Hut hut!Copy !req
441. Aah! Aah!Copy !req
442. Oh!Copy !req
443. Just stay down,
for the love of God!Copy !req
444. Hut hut.
Hut.Copy !req
445. Aah! Aah!Copy !req
446. - Stop! Make it stop!
- Just stay down!Copy !req
447. Please,
just make him stay down!Copy !req
448. - Go, Redskins!
- Go, Redskins!Copy !req
449. Boy, this is the life,
huh, guys?Copy !req
450. We finally did it!Copy !req
451. I might just sit here until
my ass fuses into the couch.Copy !req
452. What the hell is that?Copy !req
453. Whoa, whoa!
What?Copy !req
454. Change your name!Copy !req
455. It doesn't belong
in today's society!Copy !req
456. Change our name?Copy !req
457. But you all thought
our name was sweet.Copy !req
458. There's nothing sweet about
a people who were decimated,Copy !req
459. a once proud nation
that finally lost hopeCopy !req
460. and left their leader
to be massacred by CowboysCopy !req
461. in a defiant last stand.Copy !req
462. When was this?Copy !req
463. Last night.Copy !req
464. Until you change your name,
we are askingCopy !req
465. all your subscribers
to boycott you!Copy !req
466. That's right.Copy !req
467. ISIS will no longer use
your insensitive companyCopy !req
468. for its fund-raising.Copy !req
469. - Yeah!
- All right!Copy !req
470. Good for you, ISIS!Copy !req
471. What the hell do we do?Copy !req
472. I guess we got to go
back to school.Copy !req