1. Soon, we will be fighting
the greatest battleCopy !req
2. of our young, hot lives...Copy !req
3. Black Friday.Copy !req
4. Everyone who wants to
get PS4s, join with us.Copy !req
5. You can't die! Everybody really likes you!Copy !req
6. We are not going to be beat
by that traitor whore Kenny!Copy !req
7. Seems a shame that the
fight will be so one-sided.Copy !req
8. Go seek out George R.R. Martin for answers.Copy !req
9. He's the guy who writes Game of Thrones.Copy !req
10. You started as the
Canadian Minister of Health,Copy !req
11. and three months later, your
wife queefed in your face.Copy !req
12. This is gonna be a bloodbath, Tom.Copy !req
13. He did what?Copy !req
14. He flew down in a parachute and he what?Copy !req
15. Apparently, he stopped MicrosoftCopy !req
16. from blockading the
shipment of PS4s to the mall.Copy !req
17. Looks like he's all over the placeCopy !req
18. winning the console wars for Sony.Copy !req
19. Because what... because he's cute?Copy !req
20. Cartman, he's got everyone on Sony's side.Copy !req
21. We can't stop him.Copy !req
22. But what does he do besides that he's cute?Copy !req
23. Sweetie, Bill Gates is
on the phone for you.Copy !req
24. Tell Bill Gates to suck my ass, mom!Copy !req
25. Mom?Copy !req
26. Don't seriously tell
Bill Gates to suck my ass.Copy !req
27. Tell him everything's cool and
I'll call him in a little bit.Copy !req
28. This would have never
happened if you would haveCopy !req
29. let Kenny be a princess in the first place.Copy !req
30. He's not a princess. He's a dude.Copy !req
31. Well, unfortunately for us,
he's now on the other side.Copy !req
32. We're out of options.Copy !req
33. - So what are you saying, Kyle?
- I have an idea.Copy !req
34. I don't like it, but I think
it's the only choice we have.Copy !req
35. Tom, Black Friday is finally almost here,Copy !req
36. and as you can see behind me,Copy !req
37. holiday shoppers are really getting antsy.Copy !req
38. People have been waiting out hereCopy !req
39. since midnight on Thanksgiving.Copy !req
40. They're cold, they're starving,Copy !req
41. and there's already been a lot of bloodshedCopy !req
42. over these holiday deals.Copy !req
43. Joining me now is Rick TellmoreCopy !req
44. who's been out here for six days,Copy !req
45. and your five-year-old son
was eaten, is that correct?Copy !req
46. Yes, yes, that's right. We had to eat him.Copy !req
47. We're all sort of starving out here,Copy !req
48. so we drew straws, and
he drew the shortest one.Copy !req
49. What is it you're hoping to getCopy !req
50. when Black Friday does finally start?Copy !req
51. A blu-ray player.Copy !req
52. 96% off. It's gonna be about 20 bucks.Copy !req
53. Now, some people might sayCopy !req
54. that eating your child
is not very Christmassy.Copy !req
55. What would you say to them?Copy !req
56. I...Copy !req
57. No doubt Christmas is alive and wellCopy !req
58. at the South Park mall. Back to you, Tom.Copy !req
59. All right, guys, here's the deal.Copy !req
60. The main entrance to the
mall is already blockedCopy !req
61. by thousands of waiting shoppersCopy !req
62. the kids who want Xboxes plan
to flank from the left here.Copy !req
63. Our best chance of being first insideCopy !req
64. is finding a way to the
mall's back entrance... here.Copy !req
65. At Red Robin.Copy !req
66. That's right. Red Robin
has doors on the insideCopy !req
67. that go right out into the mall.Copy !req
68. The key to us being the first ones insideCopy !req
69. is taking over the Red Robin
before Black Friday starts.Copy !req
70. So how do we take over Red Robin?Copy !req
71. I have no idea.Copy !req
72. Hey, excuse me.Copy !req
73. - Yes?
- The Xbox fighters are here,Copy !req
74. and they say they want to switch sides.Copy !req
75. What?Copy !req
76. Go ahead and tell him, Cartman.Copy !req
77. All right.Copy !req
78. On behalf of the Xbox fighters of
Zaron, we hereby lay down our arms.Copy !req
79. We give up, okay?Copy !req
80. - Ha ha.
- Shut up, Craig.Copy !req
81. This is very difficult!
You guys win, all right?Copy !req
82. We'll all play on PlayStation 4s.Copy !req
83. We still think the Xbox
is a superior machine,Copy !req
84. but you guys got too
many people on your side,Copy !req
85. and then Kenny became a Japanese princess.Copy !req
86. Nobody saw that coming.Copy !req
87. Look, the truth isCopy !req
88. we all have a bigger
problem now, and you know it.Copy !req
89. Nobody's going to get anything
if we don't work togetherCopy !req
90. against those thousands of other shoppers.Copy !req
91. So better a PS4 than nothing... is that it?Copy !req
92. I think we'll take our chances on our own.Copy !req
93. We know a way inside the Red Robin.Copy !req
94. You don't think you're the
only ones who thought of it.Copy !req
95. We were going to use the
Red Robin entrance too,Copy !req
96. and we figured out how.Copy !req
97. Red Robin can be rented outCopy !req
98. for wedding parties.Copy !req
99. If we all chip in, we
can pay for the depositCopy !req
100. to have a wedding party there.Copy !req
101. Hey, that could work.Copy !req
102. Let's do this together, dude.Copy !req
103. Our only shotCopy !req
104. at playing any next gen
console's by teaming up.Copy !req
105. If you win a game on a PS4,Copy !req
106. then I do too.Copy !req
107. And you swear you'll be okay with that?Copy !req
108. You won't ever talk about
the Xbox being better again?Copy !req
109. I swear, Stan.Copy !req
110. All right, guys, looks like
we've got a wedding to plan.Copy !req
111. Console wars.Copy !req
112. Xbox... Sony PS4...Copy !req
113. Wedding invitation.Copy !req
114. Huh? Wedding?Copy !req
115. Kenny Kun, please come home at once.Copy !req
116. Our two houses have found peace.Copy !req
117. Come to the Red Robin wedding,Copy !req
118. and we will all accept you
as the princess you are.Copy !req
119. Yours truly, the wizard king.Copy !req
120. Kenny Chan!Copy !req
121. Princess Kenny... Sayonara!Copy !req
122. Princess Kenny...Copy !req
123. So Stan, I was hoping I could
talk to you about the wedding.Copy !req
124. Yeah, sure, what about it?Copy !req
125. I think it's best that when the time comesCopy !req
126. for the mall to open you should
stay back a bit from the doors.Copy !req
127. - Why?
- Well, think about it.Copy !req
128. The first people inside
are gonna have to take onCopy !req
129. the brunt of the holiday
shoppers from the main entrance.Copy !req
130. It's best we let butters
and Scott Malkinson go first.Copy !req
131. While they fight, we can simply slip on by.Copy !req
132. Well, yeah, I guess that makes sense,Copy !req
133. but butters and Scott won't
be able to get their PS4s.Copy !req
134. Yes, that's true, but...Copy !req
135. Let's face it, sir Stan.Copy !req
136. This is all about you and
me getting PlayStations.Copy !req
137. The rest are simply there to help us get...Copy !req
138. He's lying to you!Copy !req
139. They're just acting like they've given up,Copy !req
140. but it's a double-bluff.Copy !req
141. Dude! Dude!Copy !req
142. They're going to betray you
at the Red Robin wedding.Copy !req
143. He got the idea watching Game of Thrones.Copy !req
144. Dude, shut the fuck up!Copy !req
145. Who is that?Copy !req
146. He's just this old crazy guyCopy !req
147. that gets pissed off 'cause
I'm in his garden all the time.Copy !req
148. They're going to lock you in!Copy !req
149. Goddamn it, shut up!Copy !req
150. He talked about it in my garden to, like,Copy !req
151. three other people.Copy !req
152. They're going to lock you in the Red RobinCopy !req
153. and then go get all the Xboxes.Copy !req
154. That's why he wants you to
stay back from the doors.Copy !req
155. Well, why don't you just tell
the whole world everything, huh?Copy !req
156. Why don't you tell everyone
what Prometheus was aboutCopy !req
157. while you're at it!Copy !req
158. Did Kyle know about this?Copy !req
159. Dude, we're not gonna
betray you... Come on.Copy !req
160. Did you see Prometheus?Copy !req
161. I don't think the writers
even knew what that was about.Copy !req
162. Did Kyle know about this?Copy !req
163. Kyle thought of it.Copy !req
164. Stan! Dude, hold on.Copy !req
165. Xbox one is fucking sweet, dude.Copy !req
166. You're a fucking asshole! Fuck you!Copy !req
167. Get out of my garden.Copy !req
168. I'll shit in your fuckin' garden!Copy !req
169. Go fuck yourself!Copy !req
170. Well, the wait is over, and
Black Friday's finally here.Copy !req
171. Niles Lawton is at the scene,Copy !req
172. and it's about time, Niles.Copy !req
173. That's right, Tom. Mall officials have saidCopy !req
174. they are ready, and doors will openCopy !req
175. as soon as their guest of honorCopy !req
176. cuts the ceremonial red ribbon.Copy !req
177. This year's ribbon cutter is,
of course, George R.R. Martin,Copy !req
178. who, uh, doesn't appear
to have shown up yetCopy !req
179. but says he is on his way.Copy !req
180. Just like the dragons
and zombies in his novels,Copy !req
181. he is on his way.Copy !req
182. Now, just hold on a minute!Copy !req
183. I'm pretty darn sureCopy !req
184. the fastest way back to
Colorado isn't on horseback.Copy !req
185. That may be true, but
horses have one qualityCopy !req
186. that is unmatched by any
other mode of transition.Copy !req
187. What's that?Copy !req
188. Okay, cool, can we set up
the two lawn tables hereCopy !req
189. like facing each other and then anotherCopy !req
190. for the bride and groom back there?Copy !req
191. I heard a rumor. May I ask...Copy !req
192. Who is it that's getting married?Copy !req
193. Tom Hanks and Beyonce.Copy !req
194. It's real? It's for real?Copy !req
195. Oh, my God, I love them.Copy !req
196. Yeah.Copy !req
197. So Beyonce's not with Jay Z anymore?Copy !req
198. Well, clearly she wouldn't
be marrying Tom HanksCopy !req
199. at Red Robin if she was.Copy !req
200. Guys, guys, not those tables.Copy !req
201. Get the good tables. This is VIP, okay?Copy !req
202. Has anyone heard from
Butters and Scott Malkinson?Copy !req
203. - The fuck are they?
- Cartman, Cartman!Copy !req
204. I heard that Stan somehow
found out about our plan.Copy !req
205. Yes, he did.Copy !req
206. Well, what the hell are you doing?Copy !req
207. - This isn't gonna work now!
- Shh, shh, shh.Copy !req
208. It's fine, Kyle.Copy !req
209. Everything's been taken care of.Copy !req
210. Stan won't be telling
anybody anything ever again.Copy !req
211. What the hell did you do?Copy !req
212. What had to be doneCopy !req
213. so that we can play our
games on Xboxes, Kyle!Copy !req
214. No. Tell me you didn't.Copy !req
215. He's not allowed to come out of his room,Copy !req
216. so you can talk to him through the door.Copy !req
217. - Thanks, Mrs. Marsh.
- And keep it short.Copy !req
218. He's in real trouble.Copy !req
219. He defecated in a nice old man's garden.Copy !req
220. O... okay.Copy !req
221. Stan?Copy !req
222. Stan? Hello?Copy !req
223. Who's that?Copy !req
224. Stan, it's me.Copy !req
225. Get out of here.Copy !req
226. Dude, I know you're pissed at me right now.Copy !req
227. You gotta understand that I did itCopy !req
228. because I know in my heartCopy !req
229. that Xbox is better for all of us.Copy !req
230. You completely betrayedCopy !req
231. the last bit of friendship we still had.Copy !req
232. You weren't playing fair, dude.Copy !req
233. Getting your dad to work
part-time in the mall wasn't fair.Copy !req
234. I didn't even know he was
working at the mall, Kyle.Copy !req
235. You didn't?Copy !req
236. But you couldn't just ask me,Copy !req
237. because Xbox peopleCopy !req
238. don't care about the truth.Copy !req
239. They just care about seamless
multimedia connectivity.Copy !req
240. I'm sorry, Stan. I'm sorry.Copy !req
241. The whole war has just
got us so screwed up...Copy !req
242. I just want us to be playing Call of DutyCopy !req
243. on the right machine.Copy !req
244. You don't understand.Copy !req
245. I'm never playing Call
of Duty with you again.Copy !req
246. Stan, don't say that.Copy !req
247. Get out of here. I'm done with you.Copy !req
248. Mom! Mom!Copy !req
249. Get him out of here!Copy !req
250. Get him out!Copy !req
251. Now listen up.Copy !req
252. There are only eight of us now.Copy !req
253. Peterson was a great guy,Copy !req
254. and he did not deserve
to get beheaded like that.Copy !req
255. Now, I don't know about you,Copy !req
256. but I'm sick and tiredCopy !req
257. of getting to know people here,Copy !req
258. getting invested in their personalitiesCopy !req
259. and their back stories,
and then having them die.Copy !req
260. When those doors open,Copy !req
261. we all stick together.Copy !req
262. If anyone panics, it puts us all at risk.Copy !req
263. Stay tough, rookie.Copy !req
264. We're not gonna make it, sir.Copy !req
265. We're gonna make it!Copy !req
266. You've got a newborn little girlCopy !req
267. who needs her daddy to make it.Copy !req
268. I'm not going to let you die, okay?Copy !req
269. - Okay.
- Okay?Copy !req
270. Yes, sir! Yes, sir.Copy !req
271. Not one more good person dies on my watch.Copy !req
272. Oh, my God, they're
coming in through the roof!Copy !req
273. I can't do this. I'm
sorry, I can't do this!Copy !req
274. Stay at your post!Copy !req
275. No! No!Copy !req
276. Everybody really liked him!Copy !req
277. No!Copy !req
278. Here we go, Tom.Copy !req
279. George R.R. Martin has finally arrivedCopy !req
280. to cut the red ribbon.Copy !req
281. Ladies and gentlemen, it is my honorCopy !req
282. to be here this morningCopy !req
283. on behalf of South Park mall partnersCopy !req
284. and Channel 9 News,Copy !req
285. your go-to source for
news, weather, and sports.Copy !req
286. Just do it!Copy !req
287. Very well.Copy !req
288. In the tradition of our ancestors,Copy !req
289. let's ring in the holidays!Copy !req
290. But first I'd like to share with youCopy !req
291. a few words about my wiener.Copy !req
292. Hey, sorry, guys, Red Robin is closedCopy !req
293. for a special event today.Copy !req
294. Yeah, we know. We're with the wedding.Copy !req
295. Oh, great. Go right on in.Copy !req
296. Everyone, everyone, a Black Friday toast.Copy !req
297. How awesome that we are all friends again.Copy !req
298. Our two houses brought together.Copy !req
299. Soon we will all have our PlayStation 4s.Copy !req
300. And to you, my old friend, Princess Kenny.Copy !req
301. You really look stunning.Copy !req
302. No doubt the gods have smiled
down upon your perky boobs.Copy !req
303. Now if you'll excuse me, my lady,Copy !req
304. I need to take a shit.Copy !req
305. What have you found out?
The mall isn't open yet.Copy !req
306. They're waiting for George R.
R. Martin to cut the ribbon.Copy !req
307. Okay. That could be a while.Copy !req
308. All our men are ready.Copy !req
309. When the mall opens, blow the whistle.Copy !req
310. We'll rush through the doorsCopy !req
311. and lock the Sony dorks inside.Copy !req
312. All right, now, I really
do need to take a shit.Copy !req
313. Oh, soft and pink with purple head,Copy !req
314. gently, you lay with me on my bed.Copy !req
315. Get on with it, George R.R. Martin!Copy !req
316. Growl, growl calls the wiener from on high,Copy !req
317. a little tiny wiener still
so pleasing to the eye.Copy !req
318. Enough with the wieners already!Copy !req
319. Yeah, come on!Copy !req
320. Clyde?Copy !req
321. Where the hell is Clyde? Clyde?Copy !req
322. Princess Kenny, I believe it's timeCopy !req
323. we return the wizard's hospitality.Copy !req
324. What the hell is this?Copy !req
325. I'm sorry, Cartman.Copy !req
326. There's been a little change in plan.Copy !req
327. Sir, Kyle, they're about to open the mall.Copy !req
328. What are you doing?Copy !req
329. I am no longer an Xbox guy.Copy !req
330. I let my friend get grounded.Copy !req
331. But today I will get him a PlayStation.Copy !req
332. Kyle, the PlayStation controller
sucks, and you know it!Copy !req
333. The fight is over, Cartman.Copy !req
334. It's not over.Copy !req
335. Looks like I came just in time.Copy !req
336. Oh, Bill Gates, sweet!Copy !req
337. In your face, Kyle!Copy !req
338. You will not interfere, Bill Gates!Copy !req
339. These children will get their PS4s.Copy !req
340. Wait a minute.Copy !req
341. How the hell did these
two guys end up here?Copy !req
342. They're not part of your betrayal?Copy !req
343. No. They're not part of your betrayal?Copy !req
344. No.Copy !req
345. Whose betrayal is this?Copy !req
346. We're done with betrayals.Copy !req
347. It's time to put an end to this.Copy !req
348. Stan?Copy !req
349. Sir, sir, operations just
said they need one of usCopy !req
350. to unlock the door to Red RobinCopy !req
351. to let some wedding party inside the mall.Copy !req
352. Screw them, they'll have
to fend for themselves.Copy !req
353. Wait,Copy !req
354. Red Robin wedding?Copy !req
355. Who's getting married?Copy !req
356. Tom Hanks and Beyonce.Copy !req
357. What? Oh, my God,Copy !req
358. everyone loves Tom Hanks and Beyonce!Copy !req
359. I gotta save them!Copy !req
360. I appreciate what you're
trying to do, Kyle,Copy !req
361. but I have a better idea.Copy !req
362. This isn't our war, you guys.Copy !req
363. It never was.Copy !req
364. We've been pitted against
each other by two companiesCopy !req
365. for the sake of marketing.Copy !req
366. That's why they want
lines around the block.Copy !req
367. Because they want a war
to promote their product.Copy !req
368. They don't give a crap what
kind of friendships it costs.Copy !req
369. You two want a war so bad,
then you fucking fight.Copy !req
370. So...Copy !req
371. Then let's finish it, you and me,Copy !req
372. right here.Copy !req
373. Winner take all.Copy !req
374. Oh, dude, this is pretty sweet.Copy !req
375. Then let this be your
last fight, Bill Gates.Copy !req
376. Hey, fellas, what did I miss?Copy !req
377. Look at this wiener.Copy !req
378. Judge it by its size.Copy !req
379. Rub it three times, and it has a surprise.Copy !req
380. That's it, you're not
delaying this anymore,Copy !req
381. you wiener-loving bitch!Copy !req
382. Happy holidays, Rick.Copy !req
383. And to you, my friend.Copy !req
384. Grab it, Rebecca, grab it!Copy !req
385. Kiss my fat vagina!Copy !req
386. - Give me that camera.
- Give it up!Copy !req
387. Get back, get out of my way.Copy !req
388. Commander Marsh.Copy !req
389. Did you know that your son
is supposed to be groundedCopy !req
390. and he snuck out to go to Red Robin?Copy !req
391. What? Stan's at the Red Robin wedding too?Copy !req
392. Oh, God, I really care about him.Copy !req
393. This is over. Now you die!Copy !req
394. It's over.Copy !req
395. Xbox wins!Copy !req
396. Yay, Xbox wins. Yay.Copy !req
397. Stan, you're alive!Copy !req
398. I saved you!Copy !req
399. It's okay, Beyonce, the fight's over.Copy !req
400. You can still shop.Copy !req
401. Go on, kids.Copy !req
402. Go get your Xboxes.Copy !req
403. Can Elmo smell your genitals?Copy !req
404. Happy holidays, guys. What
can you interest you in?Copy !req
405. We'd like to get Xbox ones please.Copy !req
406. Good choice.Copy !req
407. Tom, the shopping frenzy is over,Copy !req
408. and it looks like Microsoft's new Xbox oneCopy !req
409. is this year's hot item.Copy !req
410. No doubt this will secure its placeCopy !req
411. as the go-to next gen console.Copy !req
412. Black Friday is over.Copy !req
413. There's been death, violence,Copy !req
414. horrible human behavior,Copy !req
415. and the big winner here
decidedly is Channel 9 News.Copy !req
416. The interface is pretty cool.Copy !req
417. See, I told you guys it's
really a seamless interface.Copy !req
418. Yeah, it is.Copy !req
419. The graphics are definitely
10% better than the old Xbox.Copy !req
420. Yeah, that... that's pretty nice.Copy !req
421. You guys want to play outside or something?Copy !req
422. Cartman, your side won, dude.Copy !req
423. Why are you so sad?Copy !req
424. I just... I can't get
the image of Bill GatesCopy !req
425. bashing that guy's head
apart out of my eyes.Copy !req
426. Yeah, I know what you mean.Copy !req
427. Well, look, guys. Xbox won
the console wars, I mean...Copy !req
428. What are we going to
do, not play video games?Copy !req
429. The last few weeks we've been
too busy to play video games,Copy !req
430. and look at what we did.Copy !req
431. There's been drama, action, romance.Copy !req
432. I mean, honestly, you guys,Copy !req
433. do we need video games to play?Copy !req
434. - That's right.
- He's trying to make a point.Copy !req
435. Maybe we started to rely on
Microsoft and Sony so muchCopy !req
436. that we forgot that all we need
to play are the simplest thingsCopy !req
437. like... like this! We
can just play with this!Copy !req
438. - Screw video games, dude.
- Who fuckin' needs them?Copy !req
439. - Yeah!
- Yeah!Copy !req
440. Fuck 'em!Copy !req
441. The South Park video game,Copy !req
442. coming to stores soon.Copy !req
443. Yeah, and if you believe thatCopy !req
444. I got a big, floppy wienerCopy !req
445. to dangle in your face.Copy !req