South Park 17x10

1. Yeah, yeah, do we rock?

2. Yeah, yeah, take it to the top.

3. Yeah, yeah, are we gonna stop?

4. No way. No way.

5. - Cheer squad roll call!

6. - Heidi! - Nicole!

7. - Bebe! - Lola!

8. - Red! - Annie!

9. lisa berger.

10. - Oh, god.

11. - Here we go. - Ugh.

12. - Could we maybe try one

13. Without lisa berger?

14. - You guys, stop it.

15. Okay, lisa, that's great.

16. But you need to have some more confidence, okay?

17. - But I'm the fat one. - What?

18. Every cheerleading squad has the fat, ugly cheerleader,

19. And that's me.

20. - See, that's the problem, lisa.

21. Just project all your sassiness to all the boys out there, okay?

22. - There's only one boy that lisa cares about.

23. - Yeah, lisa has a crush on butters.

24. - Shut up.

25. - But, lisa, that's great.

26. Have you told butters that you like him?

27. - No way. I'd just get made fun of.

28. - Lisa, this is exactly what you need.

29. Take butters to see a movie or something.

30. It'll do wonders for your confidence.

31. - So then, uh, the fella with the moustache

32. Eats all the cupcakes, and the lady takes out a gun

33. And puts it in his face, and she says—

34. - Uh, excuse me, butters?

35. - Oh, yes?

36. - Um, well...

37. I was just wondering if maybe

38. You would like to go to a movie this weekend.

39. - Oh. Oh, like a date?

40. Oh, no thanks, lisa.

41. I really appreciate the offer,

42. But you're too fat for me.

43. - Okay, thanks.

44. - See ya, lisa!

45. - Ha ha, butters got asked out by a fat girl.

46. - At least she didn't try to sit on him.

47. - You guys, come on, that's not cool.

48. You shouldn't rip on her because she's fat.

49. You should rip on her because she's ugly, okay?

50. She looks like someone hit her in the face with a hot shovel,

51. And that's why she sucks, all right?

52. - What the fuck is your problem?

53. - Oh, hey, wendy.

54. - Are you just an asshole? Is that it?

55. - Am I just an asshole? - Yeah!

56. - Well, no. I've got arms and legs.

57. I have everything.

58. - Lisa berger asks you out,

59. And you call her fat?

60. Do you have any idea how you made her feel?

61. She's a really nice girl.

62. - I think she's a nice girl too.

63. She's just too big for me.

64. - She's a little overweight, but that's pretty normal

65. For a girl in the fourth grade.

66. - Well, kim kardashian is skinny,

67. And she just had a baby!

68. - What? - I'm sorry, wendy,

69. But I have a different standard when it comes to my women.

70. I want a woman who takes care of herself

71. And knows how to look good.

72. Who's got perfect skin,

73. And no splotches on her legs, and perfect everything.

74. - This is a fantasy, you moron.

75. You ever heard of photoshop?

76. Kim kardashian is a short, overweight woman

77. And makes average girls feel horrible about themselves.

78. - You're a liar! - Look it up, stupid.

79. In real life, kim kardashian

80. Has the body of a hobbit.

81. You're gonna be in real trouble

82. When the teachers find out what you said

83. To that poor girl.

84. - Uh, take a seat, wendy.

85. I guess some mean things were said,

86. And I need to get to the bottom of it.

87. - Oh, good. Lisa berger told on you?

88. Good.

89. - Uh, no, wendy, apparently,

90. You called butters' girlfriend a hobbit.

91. - Are you serious? - You did!

92. You said kim is short, fat, and hairy, with big feet,

93. And she's a hobbit!

94. - That's not his girlfriend.

95. It's kim kardashian.

96. - But—but, wendy, kim kardashian

97. Is considered to be extremely beautiful, mkay?

98. - Right, but she's not in real life.

99. She's a hobbit. - Oh, she said it again!

100. - No, wendy, kim might be full figured,

101. But a woman's outward appearance isn't all that matters, mkay?

102. Have you stopped to consider that maybe, just maybe

103. You're jel?

104. - I am not "jel," and I happen to be

105. The biggest feminist at this school.

106. - That may be true,

107. But there is a very fine line, wendy,

108. Between being a feminist and being a hater, mkay?

109. And you're gonna have to find that line,

110. Because nobody likes a girl who's jelly.

111. - Okay, kids, there have been some hurtful and hateful things

112. Being said around this school,

113. And so we are gonna hear from a guest speaker.

114. Here to explain why kim kardashian is not a hobbit,

115. Please welcome aquaman.

116. - Uh-huh. Uh-huh, that's right.

117. - Uh-oh.

118. - Okay, first of all,

119. I am not aquaman.

120. I am a recovering gay fish.

121. Yes, I have met aquaman. I have hung out with aquaman.

122. But the only thing I have in common with aquaman anymore

123. Is my love for the sea.

124. Now...

125. There have been malicious rumors

126. Started at this elementary school

127. That my beautiful fiancee is a hobbit.

128. That is not funny, and it is not true.

129. All right?

130. Yes, kim is heavier than move of her pictures show her to be.

131. Yes, she gets her hair lasered off her body.

132. Yes, she has a friend named gandalf

133. Who happens to be a wizard.

134. - I'm sorry. Excuse me a minute.

135. Bitch, how you not the hobbit again?

136. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right.

137. Okay, yep. Yep, let me—okay.

138. Yep, I got it. Okay, love you too.

139. Okay, if my fiancee kim is a hobbit,

140. Then how come it— uh, how—then—

141. Okay, if she is a hobbit, then how come

142. She don't live in a hole in the ground?

143. Boom! Aw, y'all just got lit up, cup!

144. She don't live in no hole in the ground.

145. She lives in a big-ass mansion with me,

146. In her room that is slightly below ground.

147. So you can—

148. She—she is sexy and womanly.

149. And she smokes a pipe. She can blow them rings

150. That go up over her head, and—

151. Hold up.

152. Bitch, you not a hobbit, right?

153. You smoke that long pipe sometimes

154. When you sit by the fire.

155. Oh, it's a— oh, okay, got it.

156. What do you call it? Yep, yep, got it.

157. Okay, yep, love you too.

158. That is not a hobbit pipe, for your information.

159. It is a personal oral humidifier

160. To keep all the wrinkles around her mouth from showing.

161. So ha, ha, all you haters, ha!

162. - Butters, butters, come here for a sec.

163. - Oh, no you don't, wendy.

164. You're not trapping me inside the computer lab to beat me up.

165. - Butters, would you please let me show you something

166. So we can put this behind us?

167. - All right, but if you try to punch me,

168. I'll scream.

169. - I want you to see just how easy this is,

170. So we can better understand each other.

171. This is lisa berger's class photo, right?

172. - Okay.

173. - Now, first thing we do is just

174. We select the eyes, make them a nicer shape.

175. Take off any blemishes on the skin.

176. Lengthen the neck. Add more to the hair.

177. Select the lips. Make them fuller.

178. Take out any puffiness on the skin here.

179. Add fullness to the breasts, length of the torso.

180. Streamline the shoulders. Put highlights in the eyes.

181. And there.

182. - That's lisa berger?

183. - Do you see what I'm talking about?

184. - She's pretty!

185. - That's how people like kim kardashian

186. Destroy the self image of little girls everywhere.

187. - Hold on. Are you saying that girl

188. Wants to go out with me?

189. - What— what do you mean?

190. - And I said no?

191. Oh, man, I gotta upload this,

192. And then go tell her I love her.

193. - Butters!

194. - Lisa? Lisa berger?

195. Anybody seen lisa berger?

196. Oh, hey, eric. Have you seen

197. - I saw that picture of her you put on the internet.

198. - I know! I'm gonna tell her I love her,

199. And we're gonna be together and be happy forever.

200. - Uh, butters, I don't know how to tell you this,

201. But lisa berger is going out with clyde.

202. - What? Since when?

203. - Dude, since, like, noon or 12:30 today.

204. - Hey, token, token. Check out my girlfriend.

205. - Wow, she's hot.

206. - Yeah, we just started dating seriously.

207. You wanna meet my new girlfriend, tweek?

208. - Oh, man, you're a lucky guy. - Yeah, I know.

209. - Hey, clyde, nice score dude.

210. Yeah.

211. - Oh, thanks, guys.

212. - Hey, stan, did you see clyde's going out

213. With lisa berger?

214. - Yeah, dude, she looks amazing.

215. Clyde sent me her pics.

216. She got really hot all of a sudden.

217. - Yeah, I wouldn't mind t—tappin' that ass.

218. - Excuse me. - Oh, hey, wendy.

219. Clyde sent me these. Don't be jel.

220. - Why would I be jel?

221. - Well, you got to admit,

222. Lisa berger's pretty hot, wendy.

223. - She's not hot!

224. That's supposed to be the point.

225. - She looks pretty hot here.

226. - Lisa berger is not hot. She's fat and ugly.

227. - That's not very nice, wendy.

228. - What's your problem, wendy?

229. - I'm sorry. It's nothing personal, lisa.

230. - You're just a hater.

231. Why don't you mind your own business instead of being jelly?

232. - I am not jelly!

233. I made that picture of you to prove a point,

234. And it's being taken the wrong way.

235. - It's okay, babe, girls that don't have

236. What you have are always gonna put you down.

237. - Thanks, babe.

238. - Now, wendy, I have tried to be patient with you

239. Because you've always been a good student, mkay?

240. But calling a little girl fat and ugly is never mkay.

241. - Mr. Mackey, I was trying to show kids that—

242. - No! No excuses!

243. You have a problem being jelly, wendy, mkay?

244. Just maybe I should have you sent off to jelly school.

245. - Jelly school? - That's right.

246. In fact, I'm gonna call the jelly school right now.

247. Mkay, I'm sorry about this, but it's gone too far.

248. I've had it.

249. Hello, is this the jelly school?

250. Mkay, I have a girl here who's extremely jelly.

251. I was seeing if you could take her in for a few weeks.

252. Mkay, you're full?

253. Okay, yeah, I guess she dodged a bullet this time,

254. But she better watch her jelly behavior.

255. - Mr. Mackey, I appreciate the point you're trying to make.

256. - You—you do?

257. Mkay, well, I'm not actually on the phone

258. With the jelly school, wendy, mkay?

259. - Yes. I'm—

260. I'm a few steps ahead of that, yes.

261. - Mkay, well, wendy, I'm just trying to, uh—

262. Oh, bye, jelly school.

263. Uh, wendy, I'm just trying to make you understand

264. How serious it is when you lash out at other girls.

265. - Thank you, mr. Mackey. I will change.

266. - Mkay.

267. - Ladies and gentlemen,

268. It is my honor to give the person of the year award

269. To this year's winner...

270. Pope francis.

271. - Gracias, gracias, all of my children.

272. - All right, hold up. Hold up.

273. I'm sorry, pope, but hold up.

274. I just gotta say this—

275. If my fiancee is a hobbit,

276. Then, uh—

277. Then what, bitch?

278. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah.

279. Okay, if she was—

280. If she is a hobbit,

281. Then how come she don't turn blue

282. When goblins are near?

283. Oh, you didn't think of that!

284. Oh, I guess she's not a hobbit then.

285. She must be a beautiful, sexy woman.

286. - The hobbit doesn't turn blue around goblins.

287. Just his sword does.

288. - Man, get the fuck out of here,

289. You hobbit trivia bitch!

290. Who the fuck asked you?

291. Nobody is talking any more shit about my woman, all right?

292. - She is gorgeous.

293. If she was here, you could all see for yourself

294. How beautiful she is.

295. Because she has a movie coming out on Friday,

296. Directed by peter jackson, called the hobbit!

297. Hold up.

298. Bitch, that movie you got coming out is called the hobbit?

299. Yeah, but it— it's what?

300. Oh, yeah, yep, yeah, I got it, yep.

301. Yep, let me tell 'em. Love you too.

302. Kim is not even in that movie.

303. That movie is just loosely based on her television show

304. Keeping up with the kardashians,

305. Which is a show about short, loud little people

306. Living in a fantasy world. Hold up.

307. Bitch, if you the hobbit, you need to let me know right now,

308. Because I'm making a fool of myself out here.

309. Yeah, yeah, do we rock?

310. Yeah, yeah, take it to the top.

311. Yeah, yeah, are we gonna stop?

312. No way. No way.

313. - Cheer squad roll call!

314. - Heidi! - Nicole!

315. - Bebe! - Lola!

316. - Red! - Annie!

317. - Lisa berger!

318. - And I'm your captain, wendy!

319. - Look, wendy, we are all very happy for lisa, okay?

320. Nobody here is jelly.

321. But the boys aren't even noticing the rest of us anymore.

322. All we're asking is that you do for us

323. What you did for lisa, and help with our imperfection.

324. - I won't do it, you guys. I'm sorry.

325. - Why? Don't you care about us?

326. - Because it's wrong.

327. If you guys aren't happy with the way you look,

328. Then that's your problem.

329. - Hey, girls.

330. Don't be sad.

331. If you want to look really hot like me,

332. You just gotta be willing to sweat.

333. Get down to the gym and work.

334. - All right, girls, we're gonna trim that fat

335. And tone those bodies.

336. Let's do this. You first.

337. Get right up there.

338. All right, now, look here.

339. Come on! Burn it off!

340. You got this!

341. - Look at those thighs.

342. Come on, you gotta push harder!

343. - Wow.

344. - Wow, she looks great. - Whoa, look at bebe.

345. I had no idea bebe was that hot.

346. - Yeah, but did you see token's girlfriend?

347. Wow.

348. - My bitch is still the hottest, you guys.

349. - No way, go back to annie nelson.

350. She's built like a slim-jim.

351. - Yeah, clearly annie nelson

352. Is the hottest girl at our school.

353. Look at those eyes.

354. - Did you not see erica smith's boobs, kyle?

355. They're like perfect water balloons.

356. - I do love water balloons.

357. - Hey, wendy, could I ask you a big favor?

358. - A lot of the pictures I have of you are kind of

359. Outdated and, you know, I want to be able

360. To show everyone how pretty you are—

361. To take away any imperfections, is that it?

362. How dare you, stan?

363. - Wendy, why is it such a big deal?

364. - Because people should be okay with the way they look.

365. I have pimples on my forehead. My bottom teeth are crooked.

366. So what? You have short legs.

367. - I do?

368. - Yeah, and jason has freckles,

369. And billy turner has narrow shoulders.

370. The cheerleaders— bebe has acne

371. Lola's arms are too short, nicole's eyes are puffy,

372. Annie has thin hair, and heidi turner's butt is flat!

373. Oh, god damn it.

374. - You hater!

375. - Wendy, in my office right now, mkay!

376. - Oh, yeah, babe. Oh, yeah, baby.

377. Hang on a minute, I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

378. To kill that dragon with them dwarves?

379. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Right, right, right. Yep, I got it.

380. Yup, love you too.

381. - Heidi! - Nicole!

382. - Bebe! - Lola!

383. - Red! - Annie!

384. - Lisa berger!

385. - Wendy.

386. - she sucks.

387. - Oh, god! - Ugh!

388. - Can we try this without wendy?

389. - I agree. - Hey, come on, you guys.

390. She just needs more confidence.

391. It's okay, wendy.

392. Who cares if no one likes you?

393. Maybe you should go out with butters.

394. - Let's just get back to cheering, okay?

395. - I don't think so. We don't want to cheer with a hater.

396. - Yeah, you have a bad self image, wendy.

397. You need to get down to the gym and get a better one.

398. - Yeah! - That's right!

399. - See, the problem with having fake pictures of yourself

400. Is that you start to believe in your own bullshit!

401. This has gone way too far.

402. And if society won't fix it, I will!

403. - What're you gonna do?

404. - Something that should've been done a long time ago.

405. - It's the morning news with tom and tammy thompson.

406. - A little girl is making big waves

407. With her fight against photoshop.

408. - Nine-year-old wendy testaburger

409. Has started a campaign,

410. And tomorrow, will speak before the state senate

411. To ban the use of photoshopped images,

412. Saying they're harmful to young girls.

413. Young lady, what is your message?

414. - Watching what photoshop is doing to society...

415. Little girls are aspiring to have bodies

416. They can't possibly have!

417. We have to put a stop to it.

418. - And you're not just being a hater?

419. - No.

420. - 'cause sometimes girls who aren't well-liked,

421. You know, lash out at pretty and popular girls.

422. Are you well-liked at your school?

423. - Not lately, no.

424. - Uh-huh. But you're not being jelly.

425. - No, that has nothing to do with me

426. Wanting to protest against photoshopped images.

427. - Okay, because I do understand

428. That the jelly school in aurora

429. Is ready to take you in, is that right, rick?

430. - Tom, I'm standing in front of the jelly school

431. Where officials claim they do have room

432. For this little hater girl.

433. We're being told if she doesn't stop the—

434. - That's not a jelly school, that's a dunkin' donuts.

435. - Well, okay, but you are a hater.

436. People can call me whatever names they want to.

437. I don't care.

438. There is a cancer in our country,

439. And I am not going to rest until photoshopped images

440. Are required to be labeled for what they are—fake.

441. And nothing in this world is going to stop me!

442. What do you want?

443. - "once upon a time there was a little hobbit

444. "who lived in the forest.

445. "and all the hobbit ever wanted was to be beautiful.

446. "and even though she was short and fat and hairy,

447. "this little hobbit dreamed that one day

448. She could be pretty like beyonce."

449. "and then one day,

450. Along came a magic power called photoshop.

451. "and just like that—poof. The little hobbit was beautiful.

452. "and even though she still couldn't sing like beyonce,

453. "or dance like beyonce, or act like beyonce,

454. "or be a decent human being like beyonce,

455. "the little hobbit was looked up to and loved,

456. Just like beyonce."

457. "soon she had money and adoration

458. And a hip-hop fiance who loved her very much—"

459. I'm sorry, hold up.

460. hold up. I'm sorry.

461. "everything was good for the hobbit.

462. "but then this mean little girl called the jelly monster,

463. "she was so jelly of the hobbit

464. "that she told everyone she was a liar

465. "and the hobbit's fiance realized she was just a hobbit.

466. "and you know what he said?

467. "he said, 'I don't care!'

468. "and then the jelly monster came

469. "and tried to take the magic powder

470. "away from the little hobbit.

471. "so the hobbit prayed to god, and god said,

472. "'don't worry, little hobbit,

473. "I will go find this jelly monster girl

474. "and I will read her a story and melt her icy heart.

475. "and the hobbit said, 'thank you.'

476. "and the hobbit and god lived happily ever after

477. In the shower forever 'cause I love her so much."

478. [sniffles, sobs] I'm sorry. Hold up.

479. Hold up. Hold up. I'm sorry.

480. - I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I have been jelly.

481. - So hold up, I'm sorry, it's okay.

482. Hold up. I'm sorry.

483. - No, no, I've been a hater, and I really am sorry.

484. - I'm sorry, that's okay.

485. I've been jelly before too, I'm sorry.