1. You find a good catcher's mitt, Cartman?Copy !req
2. Dude, how come when we playCopy !req
3. baseball I always have to be the catcher?Copy !req
4. Well, because you've got good
coordination, sharp reflexes,Copy !req
5. and you're fat.Copy !req
6. I'm not fat, Kyle.Copy !req
7. Right, you're not fat.Copy !req
8. Dude, I'm not fat.Copy !req
9. I don't drive around on a
mobility scooter like that bitch.Copy !req
10. Whoa, dude.Copy !req
11. Jesus Christ, you can't evenCopy !req
12. walk down an aisle to buy your candy?Copy !req
13. Excuse me.Copy !req
14. Excuse me.Copy !req
15. See what I mean?Copy !req
16. You can't even walk around aCopy !req
17. Walmart anymore without gettingCopy !req
18. run over by some fat dick on a rascal!Copy !req
19. Why do they even allow
those things in stores?Copy !req
20. They don't just allow them,Copy !req
21. they have them available at the front.Copy !req
22. You gotta be kidding me.Copy !req
23. Oh my God you guys, look at this!Copy !req
24. Candy corn Oreos.Copy !req
25. Oreos with candy corn filling.Copy !req
26. Holy hell yes.Copy !req
27. Are you serious?Copy !req
28. Look around, doesn't
this bother you at all?Copy !req
29. That's you one day, fat ass.Copy !req
30. that's you in about a year!Copy !req
31. Are those candy corn Oreos?Copy !req
32. Yeah, yeah here you go.Copy !req
33. Hey Kyle, could I come in for a second?Copy !req
34. Why?Copy !req
35. I've been doing a lot of thinking,Copy !req
36. about what you said at Walmart.Copy !req
37. You're right, Kyle.Copy !req
38. I'm fat.Copy !req
39. All these years you telling meCopy !req
40. and me saying "no, I'm big boned"
or "no, that's just muscle",Copy !req
41. it was always just me living in denial.Copy !req
42. I'm fat, Kyle.Copy !req
43. I'm fat ass.Copy !req
44. Cartman, all I was trying to
tell you at Walmart was that...Copy !req
45. No, it's okay Kyle.Copy !req
46. Because I'm not gonna live likeCopy !req
47. some slug who can't even leaveCopy !req
48. the house because he can't get around.Copy !req
49. Now that I can admit I'm fat.Copy !req
50. I've decided to finally
do something about it.Copy !req
51. Sweeeeet.Copy !req
52. Oh no!Copy !req
53. Don't know what took me so long dude,Copy !req
54. all I needed was a few extra
pounds and the insuranceCopy !req
55. company paid for my own private one.Copy !req
56. See it's got a basket on the
front for candy corn Oreos!Copy !req
57. You don't need that!Copy !req
58. Get off of it!Copy !req
59. Dude it's sweet.Copy !req
60. Did you know they make accessCopy !req
61. for mobility scooters everywhere?Copy !req
62. I can seriously go from my bedCopy !req
63. to Walmart and never have
to touch a floor once!Copy !req
64. That's not what I meant by doingCopy !req
65. something about it, Cartman!Copy !req
66. Hmm, I can't can't seem toCopy !req
67. get into your bathroom Kyle.Copy !req
68. What?Copy !req
69. Yeah, no, this is a problem, Kyle.Copy !req
70. You've got to make your bathroomCopy !req
71. accessible for my mobilityCopy !req
72. scooter or else I won't be ableCopy !req
73. to take a shit in your house.Copy !req
74. So take a shit somewhere else!Copy !req
75. That's not the way this
country works, Kyle.Copy !req
76. Your bathroom has to be to codeCopy !req
77. for my mobility scooter.Copy !req
78. It's the law.Copy !req
79. What's going on down here?Copy !req
80. Can't seem to be able to take aCopy !req
81. dump in your house, Mr. Broflovski.Copy !req
82. Doesn't appear to be handicap accessible.Copy !req
83. I'll look past it this time,Copy !req
84. but you better get that bathroom upCopy !req
85. to code if you don't want a lawsuit.Copy !req
86. Well, I'm off to go try and takeCopy !req
87. a shit at best buy, guys.Copy !req
88. See ya, Kyle!Copy !req
89. Nobody understands howCopy !req
90. embarrassing it is to live with obesity.Copy !req
91. Out of the way.Copy !req
92. Out of the way, please.Copy !req
93. Wherever you go, you're
treated differently.Copy !req
94. Uh, I guess take that
big booth by the window.Copy !req
95. You're made to feel different.Copy !req
96. To feel like less of a person.Copy !req
97. I feel so much shame.Copy !req
98. All I can do is try to makeCopy !req
99. myself feel a little better byCopy !req
100. flying to Disneyland on the weekends.Copy !req
101. Okay we are finally going
to start with preboarding.Copy !req
102. Anyone needing special assistance
getting on the aircraft.Copy !req
103. Coming through.Copy !req
104. Oh how humiliating.Copy !req
105. But even at Disneyland,Copy !req
106. I get reminded of my weight.Copy !req
107. Excuse me, gotta go to
the front of the line.Copy !req
108. Oh what shame I feel.Copy !req
109. Oh geez look how fat I am.Copy !req
110. I am just mortified you guys.Copy !req
111. Can't believe I... ay!Copy !req
112. What is this?Copy !req
113. There's a wait for the rascal line?Copy !req
114. Hey, hey that kid in the
middle isn't even fat...Copy !req
115. Look at him!Copy !req
116. He's got no right to be on a rascal!Copy !req
117. You're not fooling anybodyCopy !req
118. asshole walk to the back of the line!Copy !req
119. I don't have legs.Copy !req
120. Yeah, well, you got skinny arms.Copy !req
121. And then even Disneyland
can't take away the shame.Copy !req
122. As all the people suffering fromCopy !req
123. obesity are ignored like we're invisible.Copy !req
124. Excuse me. Move it.Copy !req
125. And so to go through all that, Your Honor.Copy !req
126. To go through all the shame andCopy !req
127. daily ridicule and then not beCopy !req
128. able to take a simple shit at best buy.Copy !req
129. At best buy, I'm sorry.Copy !req
130. To be told by some best buyCopy !req
131. manager that your mobilityCopy !req
132. scooter can't fit in their bathroom.Copy !req
133. Oh God, excuse me.Copy !req
134. It's just so belittling, you know?Copy !req
135. All I wanted to do was
take a dump Your Honor.Copy !req
136. After all I've been through.Copy !req
137. Can't I just take a dump at best buy?Copy !req
138. More lawsuits today as people onCopy !req
139. mobility scooters claim
they have nowhere to poo.Copy !req
140. Property owners are beingCopy !req
141. ordered to modify their bathrooms,Copy !req
142. costing tax payers millions.Copy !req
143. Opponents of the measure areCopy !req
144. expressing their outrage byCopy !req
145. engaging in the act of rascal tipping.Copy !req
146. Stop it! Stop it you kids!Copy !req
147. The government warns that rascalCopy !req
148. tipping can be dangerous and mayCopy !req
149. lead to fat people shittingCopy !req
150. their pants as they kick
and scream on the floor.Copy !req
151. To counter the crisis,Copy !req
152. the department of health has calledCopy !req
153. for $25 million in aid so thatCopy !req
154. all mobility scooters can beCopy !req
155. fitted with a tip assist device.Copy !req
156. Oh yeah. Nice.Copy !req
157. Yeah, that works pretty well.Copy !req
158. You have got to be kidding me!Copy !req
159. What Kyle?Copy !req
160. We should not be wasting timeCopy !req
161. and money making sure Cartman'sCopy !req
162. fat scooter can't be tipped over!Copy !req
163. You condone rascal tipping Kyle?Copy !req
164. Do you know that all over ourCopy !req
165. country people in mobilityCopy !req
166. scooters are being victimized?Copy !req
167. So get off your scooters and pick them up!Copy !req
168. Did you hear him?Copy !req
169. This is exactly what
Adele is talking about!Copy !req
170. Our culture celebrates anorexiaCopy !req
171. and tries to make us ashamed ifCopy !req
172. we don't have slim stomachs andCopy !req
173. perky little tits like Kyle!Copy !req
174. Well I for one am going to stopCopy !req
175. feeling ashamed just becauseCopy !req
176. Kyle throws up in the bathroomCopy !req
177. six times a day to make sure heCopy !req
178. looks good on his magazine covers!Copy !req
179. You should be ashamed of yourself, Kyle.Copy !req
180. Eating your ladkies andCopy !req
181. gafeltafish and then puttingCopy !req
182. your fingers down your throatCopy !req
183. because society tells you how to look!Copy !req
184. I'm not feeling shame anymore!Copy !req
185. From now on I am going to shopCopy !req
186. sitting down and skip to theCopy !req
187. front of lines with my head held high!Copy !req
188. Just because someone needs aCopy !req
189. mobility scooter doesn't meanCopy !req
190. they're an ignorant piece
of white trash, Kyle!Copy !req
191. I may be fat but I'm not Honey Boo Boo!Copy !req
192. Who's Honey Boo Boo?Copy !req
193. Dud, you've never seen Honey Boo Boo?Copy !req
194. My name's Honey Boo Boo,Copy !req
195. and I'm a beauty queen!Copy !req
196. Bitches!Copy !req
197. I'm fat as a whale and I
don't give two shits, girl!Copy !req
198. Her favorite foods are sketti and butter.Copy !req
199. And she likes drinkin'
red bull and Mountain dew.Copy !req
200. I'm only six and I've alreadyCopy !req
201. had three heart attacks girlfriend!Copy !req
202. Come on!Copy !req
203. Come on now boo boo!Copy !req
204. Now get up and wave to them judges!Copy !req
205. We ain't got no shame about ourCopy !req
206. weight cuz our weight makes us sassy.Copy !req
207. Jesus dude.Copy !req
208. What's happened?Copy !req
209. It's like something's loweredCopy !req
210. the bar to the point that nobodyCopy !req
211. feels any shame any more.Copy !req
212. Well dude, it's not like the barCopy !req
213. is this... actual, physical thing.Copy !req
214. This is it.Copy !req
215. Throttle down!Copy !req
216. Throttle down!Copy !req
217. Mr. Cameron you don't have to do this.Copy !req
218. Why don't you just go back
to your house in Malibu?Copy !req
219. Go work on another movie.Copy !req
220. I have to do this.Copy !req
221. I have to try and raise it.Copy !req
222. The bar isn't something thatCopy !req
223. actually lowers, Mr. Cameron.Copy !req
224. Then how do you explain all theCopy !req
225. fat people on mobility scooters?Copy !req
226. How do you account for honey boo boo?Copy !req
227. The bar has been lowered toCopy !req
228. depths we can't even fathom.Copy !req
229. If anyone can go down there andCopy !req
230. raise it back. It's me.Copy !req
231. Let her go!Copy !req
232. UV lights on.Copy !req
233. Pressure system is normal.Copy !req
234. Music on.Copy !req
235. His name is James James Cameron!Copy !req
236. The bravest pioneer!Copy !req
237. No budget too steep. No sea too deep...Copy !req
238. Who's that? It's him James Cameron!Copy !req
239. Systems are normal.Copy !req
240. You guys hearing the song ok up there?Copy !req
241. James James Cameron!Copy !req
242. Explorer of the sea.Copy !req
243. Yes, James we hear the song.Copy !req
244. Descending to one thousand feet.Copy !req
245. I don't see the bar yet.Copy !req
246. Looks like it must have sunk pretty low.Copy !req
247. With a dying thirst to be the first.Copy !req
248. Could it be? James Cameron!Copy !req
249. Come on! Hurry it up in there!Copy !req
250. Oh yeah that's good.Copy !req
251. That's accessible now.Copy !req
252. Cool, lemme take a shit in this real quick.Copy !req
253. This has gone far enough!Copy !req
254. How can we make people see theCopy !req
255. difference between beingCopy !req
256. sensitive to obesity and lettingCopy !req
257. fat people walk all over us?Copy !req
258. Yeah, what we need is
something to raise awareness.Copy !req
259. Yeah, we gotta raise people's awareness.Copy !req
260. Something like a documentary.Copy !req
261. You know, follow Cartman aroundCopy !req
262. with a video camera and then getCopy !req
263. all his bullshit on television.Copy !req
264. Yeah! A documentary?Copy !req
265. At least then we'd be voicing our concerns.Copy !req
266. I mean if you think about it,Copy !req
267. we should feel some shame for justCopy !req
268. complaining about it
and not doing anything.Copy !req
269. Yeah I guess you're kind of right.Copy !req
270. Hey tell you what.Copy !req
271. If you wanna follow CartmanCopy !req
272. around and get video of him,Copy !req
273. I'll pay to make it into aCopy !req
274. documentary and get it on the air.Copy !req
275. Really?Copy !req
276. Thanks dude!Copy !req
277. I'm gonna go get a video camera!Copy !req
278. Hey Token.Copy !req
279. If you're gonna have Kyle videoCopy !req
280. that stuff for you, you shouldCopy !req
281. probably tell him the truth.Copy !req
282. He doesn't need to know the truth.Copy !req
283. Kyle will get what he wants and so will I.Copy !req
284. Ladies and gentlemen, we have anCopy !req
285. epidemic in our country.Copy !req
286. Obesity is costing taxpayersCopy !req
287. millions and some are takingCopy !req
288. advantage of a system that is flawed.Copy !req
289. Over the past several days ICopy !req
290. have filmed one such case, andCopy !req
291. the shocking video has beenCopy !req
292. edited by my partner, Token.Copy !req
293. It is our hope that this filmCopy !req
294. will cast light on a serious issue.Copy !req
295. Token Black Productions.Copy !req
296. He's chubby!Copy !req
297. He's filthy!Copy !req
298. And he's a little bit nuts.Copy !req
299. Heeere he is, America's newCopy !req
300. sweetheart, Fatty Doo Doo!Copy !req
301. Fatty Doo Doo?Copy !req
302. Who's that scootin' on
a scooter Fatty Doo Doo.Copy !req
303. Who's got doo doo like
a fatty scoot-dee doo.Copy !req
304. What? Nobody scoots a
fatty doo like you do.Copy !req
305. Scatty Foo Foo.Copy !req
306. Patty Poo Poo.Copy !req
307. White president, blackCopy !req
308. president, I don't care.Copy !req
309. Just scoot me up some doo dooCopy !req
310. and I'll be right there.Copy !req
311. I only know five chords.Copy !req
312. Come in.Copy !req
313. What have you done?Copy !req
314. I've helped you make a documentary Kyle.Copy !req
315. When we said documentary ICopy !req
316. thought we meant 60 minutes!Copy !req
317. Not Honey Boo Boo!Copy !req
318. Kyle, Kyle, I'm trying to makeCopy !req
319. compelling television.Copy !req
320. You got Randy Newman to do the theme song.Copy !req
321. You're not trying that hard.Copy !req
322. Token, you're a good kid.Copy !req
323. How can you sit there andCopy !req
324. collect money on a show that'sCopy !req
325. about a fat child killing himself?Copy !req
326. Where is your sense of shame?Copy !req
327. I can remember exactly where I wasCopy !req
328. the first time I saw Honey Boo Boo.Copy !req
329. I couldn't believe what I was seeing.Copy !req
330. A shameful, fat family eatingCopy !req
331. white trash food to their deaths.Copy !req
332. And then I saw what network itCopy !req
333. was on "The Learning Channel".Copy !req
334. If they can feel okay
about that, why can't I?Copy !req
335. When the bar gets lowered,Copy !req
336. Token, we all pay the price.Copy !req
337. What if Honey Boo Boo
was a little black girl?Copy !req
338. Being fattened up by her mom andCopy !req
339. talking about grits and hominy.Copy !req
340. But she's not black, Kyle.Copy !req
341. She's white.Copy !req
342. The bar is determined by society, Kyle.Copy !req
343. And it's not something
that can just be raised up.Copy !req
344. Not by us or anyone else.Copy !req
345. Are you guys seeing this?Copy !req
346. Yes, we see, Mr. Cameron.Copy !req
347. This is where the bar
was just a few years ago.Copy !req
348. It was lowered here whenCopy !req
349. President Clinton got a blow-jobCopy !req
350. in the oval office and suddenlyCopy !req
351. men who were just gettingCopy !req
352. blow-jobs in alleyways thoughtCopy !req
353. they weren't all that bad.Copy !req
354. But clearly something else hasCopy !req
355. lowered the bar even more!Copy !req
356. I must go deeper!Copy !req
357. We're in the pipe five by five.Copy !req
358. I just don't know what to do.Copy !req
359. I mean, I hate Cartman with allCopy !req
360. my heart, but I can't helpCopy !req
361. feeling ashamed for
taking advantage of him.Copy !req
362. But should I feel shame?Copy !req
363. Whatever lowered the bar it's not my fault.Copy !req
364. So if I kind of go with it,Copy !req
365. is it really unfair to Cartman?Copy !req
366. I guess not.Copy !req
367. But what is it exactly you're trying to do?Copy !req
368. Just you know make some money off him.Copy !req
369. Like Honey Boo Boo.Copy !req
370. Dude!Copy !req
371. Dude not cool.Copy !req
372. What?Copy !req
373. Haven't you heard what happened.Copy !req
374. Honey boo boo's heart gave out.Copy !req
375. What?Copy !req
376. Oh my God.Copy !req
377. Yeah, dude, it's really serious.Copy !req
378. Well the doctors said honey boo
boo needs a heart transplant.Copy !req
379. They're gonna do a surgery andCopy !req
380. put a pig heart in her, so we'reCopy !req
381. going to the ranch to pick out a hog.Copy !req
382. I'm gettin' a pig heart!Copy !req
383. If Honey Boo Boo is gonna doCopy !req
384. pageants with a pig heart, weCopy !req
385. wanna pick a hog that has pizazzCopy !req
386. and knows how to work it girl.Copy !req
387. I want that one!Copy !req
388. This'n here?Copy !req
389. You want this'n?Copy !req
390. Yeah! Naw wait!Copy !req
391. That pig over there gave me the evil eye!Copy !req
392. I want that one!Copy !req
393. I want that one!Copy !req
394. This'n?Copy !req
395. This'n right cheer?Copy !req
396. You 'ant this'n?Copy !req
397. I want that one's heart
it looked at me funny!Copy !req
398. We've been in the O.R.
about two hours already.Copy !req
399. I just hope when she does herCopy !req
400. pageants the judges don't takeCopy !req
401. away points cuz she's got pig heart.Copy !req
402. Honey Boo Boo!Copy !req
403. Honey Boo Boo!Copy !req
404. What?Copy !req
405. What you gonna tell them judgesCopy !req
406. if they ask you about your heart?Copy !req
407. I'm gonna tell em 'my heart isCopy !req
408. sweeter than bacon, child!'Copy !req
409. Who wants sketti and butter!Copy !req
410. She's got a pig heart now sheCopy !req
411. thinks she's a pacaderm.Copy !req
412. Show em' yer scar!Copy !req
413. This' my scar cuz I got a pig heart!Copy !req
414. My scar makes me sassy, child!Copy !req
415. S.S. Cameron, this is James Cameron.Copy !req
416. I am now at 16,000 feet.Copy !req
417. You should see the cold,Copy !req
418. darkness of it all.Copy !req
419. The isolation and yet awe
of the sea's magnitude.Copy !req
420. I have now sunk deeper than anyCopy !req
421. human has ever been before!Copy !req
422. Way out here in the ocean
depths going deep deep deep.Copy !req
423. Oh hey James Cameron!Copy !req
424. What the heck?Copy !req
425. I've been divin' in the deep andCopy !req
426. I'm feelin' so cheap.Copy !req
427. You son of a bitch Newman!Copy !req
428. How did you beat me down here?Copy !req
429. I don't want anyone raising theCopy !req
430. bar cuz nobody'll hire me.Copy !req
431. Deep deededeep in the ocean.Copy !req
432. Ooh, come on.Copy !req
433. Fight me Cameron.Copy !req
434. Alright you son of a bitch.Copy !req
435. I'll take you to hell!Copy !req
436. It is a violation of my civilCopy !req
437. rights, Token, and you should beCopy !req
438. ashamed of yourself!Copy !req
439. I'm sorry Token I had to tell him.Copy !req
440. His life is in danger.Copy !req
441. Making money off of people's handicaps!Copy !req
442. Well, Token, I would like
you to meet my lawyer!Copy !req
443. As soon as he gets in here,Copy !req
444. he will be handing you
a cease and desist order.Copy !req
445. That show is not going to air!Copy !req
446. It actually aired last night.Copy !req
447. You found a network to buy it?Copy !req
448. Yeah. But don't worry,
it didn't go so good.Copy !req
449. We got killed in the
ratings by Honey Boo Boo.Copy !req
450. What?Copy !req
451. That little bitch beat me in the ratings?Copy !req
452. Oh hell no!Copy !req
453. Well, it was only our first showCopy !req
454. of the season so you really can'tCopy !req
455. I don't give a shit, dude!Copy !req
456. Nobody beats my ratings!Copy !req
457. Get me a plane ticket that bitch is going down!Copy !req
458. We welcome you to the firstCopy !req
459. lady's symposium on obesity.Copy !req
460. With your key note speaker, Michelle Obama.Copy !req
461. Our country is in the midst of an epidemic.Copy !req
462. Recently a very big conflict
was brought to my attention.Copy !req
463. A conflict that illustratesCopy !req
464. without a doubt what should beCopy !req
465. our nation's number one priority.Copy !req
466. What will we do as a country?Copy !req
467. I cannot give you any easy answers.Copy !req
468. But what I can give you is whatCopy !req
469. we've all been waiting for!Copy !req
470. Honey Boo Boo vs. Fatty Poo Poo!Copy !req
471. You're going down, bitch!Copy !req
472. Nobody takes my ratings!Copy !req
473. That's good fatty!Copy !req
474. Get pissed!Copy !req
475. I am pissed!Copy !req
476. Yeah, fatty!Copy !req
477. Yeah I am fat and I'm pissed!Copy !req
478. Ain't nobody can beat my
Boo Boo at sketti wrestling!Copy !req
479. Let's do this!Copy !req
480. I ain't done with you, bitch.Copy !req
481. Yea tip assist!Copy !req
482. You think he's dead?Copy !req
483. I hope so.Copy !req
484. S.S. Cameron!Copy !req
485. This is James Cameron!Copy !req
486. I've found it!Copy !req
487. My God I've found the bar!Copy !req
488. Divert all power to subsystems!Copy !req
489. 2 percent oxygen left!Copy !req
490. The bar is too heavy!Copy !req
491. Come on you bitch!Copy !req
492. Huh, I'll be damned.Copy !req
493. Dude, you okay?Copy !req
494. I've been thinking, how didCopy !req
495. shamelessness get to this?Copy !req
496. Did it start with fat people on scooters?Copy !req
497. Or did the bar get lowered way before that.Copy !req
498. And then I started
thinking maybe it was us.Copy !req
499. I don't know but maybe somehowCopy !req
500. we lowered the bar a long time ago.Copy !req
501. And now we're all sittin'
her in the stink of it all.Copy !req
502. There's no going back, Stan.Copy !req
503. It's like I can't explain it.Copy !req
504. I just suddenly feel like this isn't right.Copy !req
505. I don't know why we wereCopy !req
506. watching that garbage in the first place.Copy !req
507. Mrs. Obama? Ma'am? You ok?Copy !req
508. Something's wrong.Copy !req
509. This... this is all wrong.Copy !req
510. Stop! Everyone!Copy !req
511. What are we doing?Copy !req
512. How can you let this
happen to your daughter.Copy !req
513. I don't know.Copy !req
514. How did I let myself go like this?Copy !req
515. What have I done?Copy !req
516. When did we devolve into watching
fat kids sketti wrestling?Copy !req
517. We need to realize obesity is an epidemic.Copy !req
518. But it's not a disease.Copy !req
519. From now on, I'm going toCopy !req
520. dedicate this administrationCopy !req
521. to fighting childhood obesity!Copy !req
522. Bitch!Copy !req
523. What the hell is going on?Copy !req
524. I don't know.Copy !req
525. I think we've been given another chance.Copy !req
526. Mr. Cameron, we can't believe it!Copy !req
527. We're done here.Copy !req
528. Set course for the set of Avatar 2.Copy !req
529. Mr. Cameron, people should
know how you saved us all.Copy !req
530. How you raised the bar.Copy !req
531. How will they know what a hero you are?Copy !req
532. James Cameron doesn't do whatCopy !req
533. James Cameron does for James Cameron.Copy !req
534. James Cameron does what James Cameron doesCopy !req
535. because James Cameron is James Cameron.Copy !req
536. His name is James Cameron.Copy !req