South Park 16x3

Directed by Trey Parker

Mankind's evolution begins to accelerate at a rapid and disturbing pace. Concurrently, another species on the planet is exhibiting the same drastic development. Eventually the two species will battle to the death and "Faith Hilling" may be humanity's only hope.

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1. People will say

2. you should only practice it this way or that way.

3. I believe in capitalism too. I believe in capitalism for anybody.

4. What he said, which I find mildly amazing,

5. was he thought I would have a hard time debating Barack Obama.

6. We faced something

7. much, much greater after World War II.

8. We had ten million came home all at once.

9. What did we do? Some of liberals back then said,

10. - "We need more work programs..." - Tango, Tango in position.

11. Copy, Tango. Clear vantage point?

12. - We won't get any closer. - Butters, bring it in.

13. Equipment's flying in, ten seconds.

14. Copy that. Ten seconds, Cartman.

15. I can hear. Just tell me when to go.

16. - We might have a problem. - What's that?

17. We got word somebody might try to Faith Hill this event.

18. Lock down the whole perimeter. Nobody's Faith Hilling on my watch.

19. They're onto us. Let's do this.

20. I got it.

21. - Somebody's under the stage. - Go, Cartman.

22. We got it!

23. That was sweet, you guys!

24. First, there was planking.

25. People taking pictures of themselves in a planked position

26. and putting the photos on the Internet.

27. Planking was soon replaced by owling.

28. And after the Super Bowl, by Bradying.

29. But the newest meme involves pulling the shirt out

30. to look like boobs.

31. It's called "Faith Hilling."

32. All around the world, people are doing it.

33. Kids, adults,

34. even notable celebrities are getting into the act.

35. But as Faith Hilling becomes more and more popular,

36. the question on everyone's mind:

37. who will be the first to die doing it?

38. I've been sent here,

39. because you children are playing with fire!

40. Faith Hilling is nothing more than an evolution of Bradying.

41. You all think what you're doing is new, hip and cool,

42. but the truth is memeing has been around a long time.

43. We're gonna watch a film strip that's a little dated,

44. but I think it gets the point across.

45. taking pictures in silly poses has become a dangerous pastime.

46. The latest meme has also become the most deadly.

47. It's called "Tebowing."

48. This is Ryan and Barkley.

49. They're about to learn how dangerous Tebowing can be.

50. Here's a good place. I'll do it right here.

51. I don't know, Ryan. You sure this is a good idea?

52. Stop being a scaredy cat.

53. It will just take a second. How could I get hurt?

54. Hold still.

55. What's that?

56. A train!

57. Learn from me.

58. This sure is a nice car, Tommy.

59. Would you like to get a picture of me Tebowing in it?

60. Sure.

61. What?

62. It's coming!

63. God, no!

64. - Tommy, did you get the picture? - No, wait!

65. - Hold on. - Hurry!

66. Be careful up there, Pete.

67. Just go on and take the picture.

68. These youths paid with their lives for Tebowing.

69. When they posed for pictures, they should have remembered

70. there are only three approved memes.

71. Peace signs, bunny ears, fake wiener.

72. Maybe you think this doesn't apply to you.

73. Maybe you think your memes are safe.

74. Or maybe you're all watching this sometime in the future,

75. and Tebowing has been replaced by some other meme.

76. If you are watching this in the future,

77. get off your flying cell phone scooters and think.

78. Remember.

79. Use the approved poses if you wanna be a memer

80. Peace sign, bunny ears,

81. fake wiener

82. That was boring.

83. What do you guys wanna do now?

84. There's that nice French café. Let's get Faith Hilling pictures there.

85. That's a good idea.

86. You guys still plan on Faith Hilling after what we just saw?

87. Faith Hilling defines our generation.

88. Count me out.

89. You're giving up just like that? How could you?

90. I'm scared.

91. Did you see today's newspaper?

92. Why would we look at a newspaper, retard?

93. - You made the front page. - Really?

94. We are on the front page!

95. The Denver Post, please.

96. What's it say?

97. It says...

98. It says Faith Hilling is now all like 2000 late.

99. Let me see.

100. How can that be? Already?

101. "Public reaction was that the stunt pulled off by five school students

102. "wasn't not only dangerous and disruptive,

103. "but also completely passé."

104. How can we be passé? We're only in fourth grade.

105. "Faith Hilling is pretty stale, said Republican Newt Gingrich.

106. "If they had crashed the debate by Taylor Swifting,

107. "that would have been impressive."

108. Taylor Swifting? What the fuck is that?

109. That's all it is?

110. You pull down your pants and wipe your butt on the ground like.

111. But that's stupid.

112. How can that replace Faith Hilling? It doesn't even make any sense!

113. I can't believe people take the time to do this garbage.

114. This has to be stopped.

115. Hold it there.

116. That's good, don't move.

117. How is this?

118. - That's great. - These will be good uploads.

119. What are you doing?

120. Faith Hilling. Get the fuck out of here.

121. Faith Hilling is so February 2012.

122. Saying something is so 2000 and anything is so 2009, asswipe.

123. It's not worth it.

124. We can do our Taylor Swifting somewhere else.

125. - Knock it off! - Why don't you make me?

126. Yesterday afternoon, four kids went to the hospital

127. for injuries resulting from memeing in front of a local café.

128. Faith Hilling, Taylor Swifting, these things will get you killed!

129. That's a loaded.38.

130. How many of you think it's a smart idea

131. to put a loaded.38 on a 9-year-old's desk?

132. If safely doesn't matter to you, pick the gun up.

133. - That's OK... - Pick the gun up!

134. You might as well.

135. Swifting and Hilling is like playing with a loaded gun!

136. Do you all understand my point?

137. Yes, sir.

138. Good. Now put the gun in your mouth.

139. You're following plankers and Tebowers,

140. so put a loaded gun in your mouth!

141. Do it!

142. Everybody take a good look.

143. This is what you're doing every time you play with Internet memes.

144. You are playing roulette with your fucking lives!

145. Professor Lamont, we need to talk.

146. I'll be right back.

147. You're an expert on memes.

148. What is this about?

149. We need your expertise.

150. Have you ever heard of another species,

151. memeing on the Internet?

152. What are you talking about?

153. We were hoping you could help us understand this.

154. Cats have started to put pictures of themselves on the Internet,

155. with bread around their heads.

156. "Cat breading," it's called.

157. It's just such an odd thing to do. We thought you could explain it to us.

158. They're evolving.

159. Cats are evolving.

160. Sorry?

161. There are two ways a species evolves,

162. physically from genes and culturally from memes.

163. Just like genes, memes replicate, mutate and adapt.

164. We're having trouble following you.

165. Look.

166. In the '70s, there was Fonzing, which replaced mustaching.

167. In the '60s, cultural ideas were passed on by poodle fisting.

168. But even that evolved from people ass wedging in the '40s.

169. Even before photographs, humans memed for portraits,

170. all the way back to the Egyptians,

171. who had pictures painted of themselves donkey dicking.

172. Cats are showing signs of evolution with their cat breading meme?

173. If cats are putting slices of bread on their heads and taking pictures,

174. they're proving to be almost as intelligent as we are.

175. Mr. Kitty, do you mind explaining this?

176. Why are you putting pictures of yourself on the Internet?

177. That is a bad kitty. Bad!

178. You're taking the idea of Faith Hilling and making it stupid.

179. Bad kitty.

180. Bad Mr. Kitty!

181. Bad!

182. Bad kitty! No more memeing.

183. Come on.

184. Bad Mr. Kitty!

185. I'm glad we took care of that.

186. What do you wanna do now?

187. Maybe doing some Faith Hilling over that place they do AA meeting.

188. That's a cool idea.

189. Fuck this thing.

190. What's the matter?

191. I don't know. Faith Hilling's kinda pointless.

192. What seems pointless?

193. It's running out of style.

194. Faith Hilling is not out of style.

195. We can't give in to this crap.

196. Don't give up on Faith Hilling.

197. Don't you give up on her.

198. Two Boulder children died today,

199. while Oh Long Johnsoning in a batting cage.

200. Oh Long Johnsoning is of course the latest Internet meme,

201. which involves putting oneself in a risky situation

202. and seeing how many times you can say

203. "Oh Long Johnson" on video before getting out of the way.

204. You're ready?

205. I'm recording, go.

206. Oh Long Johnson.

207. Larry!

208. This latest Internet meme is shocking.

209. But most shocking of all is that the person who started it

210. isn't a person at all, but a cat,

211. who seems to have no regard for people's safety.

212. The cat is now under arrest

213. and awaiting trial for its part in the teenager's death.

214. Oh Long Johnson.

215. That's good. Now, go back the other way.

216. Dude, what's going on?

217. Hey, guys. How's it going?

218. You had to meet us at Cartman's.

219. What are you doing here Taylor Swifting?

220. He's not Taylor Swifting, that's old stuff.

221. Now you do it and see how many times you can say "Oh Long Johnson."

222. I thought I'd just try it out.

223. Remember that one-testicled pollack in the Revolutionary War?

224. - What was his name? - Benedict Arnold.

225. You need to realize that Faith Hilling is over.

226. Pretend all you want, but it's not coming back.

227. I'm sorry.

228. Faith Hilling is just not that great, you know.

229. If you wanna keep Faith Hilling, they still do it at the old folks home.

230. You'll like this. Pull down your pants.

231. - You guys are sellouts. - Come on.

232. - You freaking sellouts! - It's OK, come on.

233. What the hell do you think you're doing?

234. Do you have any idea that you're playing with fire?

235. Very funny.

236. People are dying out there. Is that what you want?

237. Do you cats want a war? Because that's what you're gonna get!

238. Long ago, there was Tebowing,

239. which evolved into Faith Hilling.

240. But the latest memeing craze, Swift Johnsoning,

241. may now also have its rival.

242. A brand new meme,

243. where people video themselves wearing trench coats

244. and talking about the dangers of memeing.

245. They call it "reporting."

246. And safety officials say it's a potentially fatal...

247. Oh Long Johnson.

248. That's cool! Bring the left titty out some more.

249. Freeze there.

250. What are those boys doing?

251. I think they're Faith Hilling.

252. - It's a little before your time. - How droll.

253. Get a couple facing the other way.

254. Good idea.

255. You kids Faith Hilling in front of my clinic?

256. I got a couple of patients that could use a good time machine.

257. Get it?

258. Go back to the '90s.

259. Faggots!

260. We got to face it.

261. I know.

262. I know, Kyle.

263. I really thought it was gonna last.

264. I guess the only thing that doesn't change in life,

265. is that things change.

266. The sun hearts my eyes.

267. It wasn't like Faith Hilling was that great.

268. - It was kind of stupid. - It's good it became something else.

269. And we'll have a blast doing the new stuff.

270. Household cats have evolved

271. into a species as intelligent as humans.

272. Will this mean war between our two life forms?

273. In an attempt to try and communicate with the leader of cats,

274. experts have sent in the ambassador of people.

275. Long Johnson.

276. Oh Long Johnson.

277. Oh Don Piano.

278. I'm not sure, but I think it said war between our species is inevitable.

279. Evolution cannot be stopped and the cats will rise.

280. It said we cannot coexist.

281. And then it said, "Oh Don Piano."

282. And then something about seeing the streets of human cities

283. run red with the blood of their children.

284. That's good, a little higher.

285. I'm gonna go left to right.

286. - Awesome. - Whenever you're ready.

287. All right...

288. No, Kitty, keep quiet.

289. No, Kitty! That's a bad kitty!

290. - What's this? - You've been living under a rock?

291. This is the new meme, cat breaded Taylor Swift reporting.

292. Go.

293. Taylor Swifting is dangerous.

294. Taylor Swifting is dangerous!

295. Cool.

296. - It's awesome. - Super awesome.

297. We got it down. We're ready for the big time.

298. Shut up, Kitty!

299. With the inevitable species war looming,

300. our country's brightest leaders have come together

301. to debate and reason with the ambassador of cats.

302. It's called "putty whistling."

303. And everyone's wondering:

304. who will be the first person to die from it?

305. I ran for president four years ago. This is the position I described...

306. If you want to be an American...

307. To answer the question,

308. how big of a scale of change do we want in Washington?

309. I started working with Governor Reagan in 1974.

310. I have five sons, five daughters-in-law, sixteen grandchildren...

311. It's not the most attractive thing to go out and say

312. it took me ten or twelve years to figure out I was wrong...

313. Foxtrot standing by at position alpha.

314. Copy, Foxtrot. Let's fly in the goods, Tango.

315. This is Tango. I have the goods.

316. Standing by in three seconds.

317. Two, one... go, Cartman.

318. Let's do this.

319. Go.

320. Dude, hurry.

321. I won't do it.

322. I won't do it, you hear me!

323. I'm better than this.

324. To hell with you, Mr. Kitty. You're a bad kitty!

325. Bad kitty!

326. It's time somebody stood up and did the right thing.

327. Do it.

328. All right, football night

329. What do you do?

330. Get out your camera and a boobie or two

331. Have you ever seen Faith Hilling that good?

332. Come on, everybody It's Faith Hilling time

333. Dancing, rapping, titties flapping Where are you?

334. This is the only memeing I'll ever do

335. Oh Long Johnson.

336. is a meme I will fight

337. 'Cause I'm Faith Hilling till the day I die

338. And so in the face of war,

339. a little boy reminds us all what being human really means.

340. The message is unclear.

341. It doesn't matter as long as you give the audience a song, celebrity bashing

342. and Republican hopefuls dancing around with boobies.

343. It's called "pandering," and all over the country people are...

344. Oh Long Johnson...