1. Okay Mister Thompson,
voting line is right over there.Copy !req
2. - Next, please.
- Mom?Copy !req
3. Mommy?
Where's my mommy?Copy !req
4. Oh dear,
did you lose your mother, little boy?Copy !req
5. - Mom!
- Security!Copy !req
6. - Huh?
- This little boy lost his mom!Copy !req
7. She said to wait for her
by the plastic boxes if I got lost!Copy !req
8. It's alright come on.Copy !req
9. Mom, where's my mom?Copy !req
10. Oh dear, did you lose your mommy,
little boy?Copy !req
11. Would you like some warm nuts, sir?Copy !req
12. Ha ha haa! Warm nuts she says!Copy !req
13. Mom!
I lost my mom!Copy !req
14. Warm nuts, sir?
Warm nuts?Copy !req
15. No way, dude.
No way.Copy !req
16. Mom!
I can't find my mom!Copy !req
17. - You like warm nuts, sir?
- Ahah! Okay, okay, it's getting old.Copy !req
18. Mom!Copy !req
19. Mom!Copy !req
20. The people have spokenCopy !req
21. and the President of the United States
is once again, Barack Obama.Copy !req
22. I assure you all that I am
heading back to the White HouseCopy !req
23. more motivated,
more titillated than ever.Copy !req
24. Don't be sad, Ike.
Just be happy that you live in aCopy !req
25. country where people get to
elect a president at all.Copy !req
26. - Hello?
- Hey, Kyle, what's up?Copy !req
27. Nothing,
watching the election results.Copy !req
28. Yeah, I figured.
It's the day after the electionCopy !req
29. so you're probably sitting on
the couch telling your littleCopy !req
30. brother how great it is to
live in a Democratic society.Copy !req
31. Listen, Kyle, could you come over
for a second.Copy !req
32. I've got something
I need to show you.Copy !req
33. - What?
- Please, Kyle.Copy !req
34. It's kind of important.Copy !req
35. Alright,
what is this all about, Fat Ass?Copy !req
36. You happy with the election
results last night, Kyle?Copy !req
37. It doesn't matter if I am or not.Copy !req
38. People voted and I stand
behind the President.Copy !req
39. Oh, it's such a Democratic
thing to say, Kyle.Copy !req
40. What if I were to tell you...Copy !req
41. that I have something in my room
that could change the entire election?Copy !req
42. - Sure you do.
- What if I did, Kyle?Copy !req
43. What could you possibly
have in your roomCopy !req
44. that could change
the outcome of the election?Copy !req
45. Pretty sweet, huh?Copy !req
46. What the hell is this?Copy !req
47. What's it look like?Copy !req
48. Hundreds of thousands of votes
from all the swing states.Copy !req
49. I don't believe it.Copy !req
50. No, really,
there are states full of swingers.Copy !req
51. Bunch of perverts if you ask me.Copy !req
52. Why do you have these?Copy !req
53. Funny how voting works in this country,
isn't it, Kyle.Copy !req
54. Each one of these a person...
someone who took the time to getCopy !req
55. themselves informed,
actually got up and drove to a votingCopy !req
56. area to make sure
their voice was heard.Copy !req
57. Dude!Copy !req
58. Here's another patriotic American.Copy !req
59. He probably spent hours listening
to all those presidential adsCopy !req
60. and tuned in to every debate.Copy !req
61. Knock it off, Cartman!Copy !req
62. Now believe it or not, Kyle.
I actually need your help.Copy !req
63. But first,
you have to promise not to tell anyone.Copy !req
64. You're not getting away with this,
you fat turd!Copy !req
65. Run now, little firefly.
It's all part of the plan.Copy !req
66. Sweetie, there's a Mr. Pun Lee Tsao
on the phone for you.Copy !req
67. Thanks Mom.
I'll take that... in the study.Copy !req
68. Do I have a study?
I don't think I have a study.Copy !req
69. That's fine.Copy !req
70. Mr. President.Copy !req
71. Yes.Copy !req
72. Line two from China for you, sir.Copy !req
73. It's General Tsao.Copy !req
74. Yes, hello, General.Copy !req
75. We presume you are pleased
with the election results?Copy !req
76. Very pleased.
Thank you for your help.Copy !req
77. And you, no doubt, will now begin
filling your side of the bargain.Copy !req
78. You'll have what you want.
I'll meet you in three hours.Copy !req
79. Sir, the election may have gone
the way they said,Copy !req
80. but we can't possibly give
the Chinese what you promised.Copy !req
81. I don't know how they did it
but the Chinese secured my victory.Copy !req
82. I have to fulfill my obligation.Copy !req
83. And what if General Tsao
suddenly gets the courageCopy !req
84. to go to the press with all this?Copy !req
85. Don't worry.Copy !req
86. Everyone knows General Tsao's chicken.Copy !req
87. Eric Cartman?Copy !req
88. We have a report you might
be involved in voter fraud.Copy !req
89. Mmm, no.Copy !req
90. You mind if we search your room?Copy !req
91. I'm sorry, but I know my rights.Copy !req
92. You can't search my room
without a warrant,Copy !req
93. and I'm afraid I can't
give you permission.Copy !req
94. This isn't a joke, Cartman!Copy !req
95. You have to believe me, Officer,Copy !req
96. the outcome of the election
depends on it.Copy !req
97. Let's just see.Copy !req
98. Hey!
You can't do that!Copy !req
99. Upstairs!
First door on the left!Copy !req
100. I know my rights!
Stop right now!Copy !req
101. But... they were here.Copy !req
102. I swear it!Copy !req
103. Stacks and stacks of ballots
from states all over the country!Copy !req
104. I was always told that we lived
in a country based on freedom.Copy !req
105. That the one thing that made
America different wasCopy !req
106. that the government could never barge
into our lives unwarranted.Copy !req
107. But it's all changing, isn't it?Copy !req
108. Ever since Obama was first elected,Copy !req
109. it's all changing.Copy !req
110. Oh my God, what have we done?Copy !req
111. I guess this country is changing.Copy !req
112. We're sorry, little boy.
We're so sorry.Copy !req
113. Please, you've got to believe me!Copy !req
114. They've still got to
be here somewhere!Copy !req
115. We have to find them!Copy !req
116. But where could they be?Copy !req
117. Where?Copy !req
118. And why would I care so much
about the election results?Copy !req
119. So many questions, Kyle.Copy !req
120. So little time.Copy !req
121. Guys! You guys!Copy !req
122. Listen,Copy !req
123. Cartman has tens of thousands
of voter ballots hidden somewhere!Copy !req
124. He's changed the outcome of
the election!Copy !req
125. Wow, really.
That's pretty impressive.Copy !req
126. Come on you guys, he's hid them
somewhere we have to find them.Copy !req
127. But I thought Obama won
pretty easily last night.Copy !req
128. Dude, because of the electoral collegeCopy !req
129. these votes in swing states
can really matter!Copy !req
130. I don't understand that stuff at all.Copy !req
131. I need Morgan Freeman
to explain it to me.Copy !req
132. Yeah, I love when Morgan Freeman
explains stuff.Copy !req
133. Whenever I'm confused about
what's going on in a movieCopy !req
134. I'm always so relieved when Morgan Freeman
shows up and explains the plot to me.Copy !req
135. God dammit,
this is serious, you guys!Copy !req
136. Cartman has stolen the election!Copy !req
137. Well, maybe Cartman had a good reason.Copy !req
138. Butters, you know something,
don't you? Huh?Copy !req
139. Uh, no!
Why?Copy !req
140. - What did Cartman tell you?
- He didn't tell me nothing!Copy !req
141. And I swore to secrecy!
It's really important, Kyle,Copy !req
142. and it isn't what you think.Copy !req
143. - Don't make me say any more.
- Tell us what you know, right now.Copy !req
144. I can't, don't you see?Copy !req
145. Don't make me swallow this!
I'll do it!Copy !req
146. - Is that an M&M?
- It's an almond M&M!Copy !req
147. I'm very allergic to almonds!
Please!Copy !req
148. Just leave me alone!Copy !req
149. Then you have to tell us.Copy !req
150. Well... huh...Copy !req
151. Oh, shit!
Don't let him swallow it!Copy !req
152. - Pry his mouth open!
- He ate it!Copy !req
153. Butters,
where are the ballots going?Copy !req
154. Where are they going?Copy !req
155. I... I... I hate almonds.Copy !req
156. - More melted butter, sir?
- Mmm, mmm.Copy !req
157. Little boy,Copy !req
158. the President is on his way
to pick up the ballots.Copy !req
159. Where are they?Copy !req
160. They're nearby.Copy !req
161. Very safe and sound.Copy !req
162. I just might want to
alter our deal a little bit.Copy !req
163. Alter our...Copy !req
164. the President will be here in moments
with what we want!Copy !req
165. Yeah, tell me again exactly
what you plan on doing with it.Copy !req
166. Oh my God, it's the President!Copy !req
167. - The President!
- Congratulations, sir!Copy !req
168. Thank you, thank you all
for your votes of confidence.Copy !req
169. If I could just be a little rudeCopy !req
170. and ask to have a nice
quiet meal in private?Copy !req
171. Oh, of course!Copy !req
172. Come on, let's let the President
have some peace and quiet!Copy !req
173. Wow,
the President eats at Red Lobster!Copy !req
174. He's just a normal guy like me!Copy !req
175. Come on, guys!
President says get out!Copy !req
176. I didn't actually vote for him. Huh.Copy !req
177. Alright.Copy !req
178. Where are the ballots?Copy !req
179. Your friend has had
a severe allergic reaction.Copy !req
180. Can we please just
try and talk to him?Copy !req
181. Alright, but don't take too long.Copy !req
182. Butters, you have to tell
us what Cartman is up to.Copy !req
183. I didn't want to have to do this,
but if you don't tell us,Copy !req
184. I'm gonna tell your dad you helped get
the wrong person elected president.Copy !req
185. No!
Please, you can't!Copy !req
186. Then just tell me
what Cartman is up to!Copy !req
187. Okay! Okay!Copy !req
188. What'd he say?Copy !req
189. Oh.Copy !req
190. What do you mean the election isn't the
biggest thing that happened this week?Copy !req
191. What?Copy !req
192. You mean the missile defense program?Copy !req
193. Butters, where is Cartman
supposed to hand over the ballots?Copy !req
194. At Red Lobster.Copy !req
195. At Red Lobster.Copy !req
196. Where?Copy !req
197. Red Lobster.Copy !req
198. - Huh?
- He said, at r-r-red...Copy !req
199. Red Lobster!Copy !req
200. - Red Lobster!
- What?Copy !req
201. R-r-r-red, r-r-r-red...Copy !req
202. Red Lobster!Copy !req
203. Red Lobster!Copy !req
204. Oh, Red Lobster.Copy !req
205. General Tsao,
do you have the missing ballots or not?Copy !req
206. Sure, we have the ballots.Copy !req
207. But we don't have them right
here with us now.Copy !req
208. Okay, you want me to come in again,
we can start over. What the fuck is this?Copy !req
209. Alright!
Where are the missing ballots?Copy !req
210. President Obama?Copy !req
211. Oh, God dammit, Kyle,
I was just about to get what I wanted!Copy !req
212. Mr. President, we got you re-elected.Copy !req
213. Now you will give us
the Star Wars technologyCopy !req
214. so that we can make the sequels!Copy !req
215. I told you China would get
the rights to Star Wars from DisneyCopy !req
216. as long as my presidency was secure.Copy !req
217. Until I have those
ballots it is not secure.Copy !req
218. Wait a minute.
The rights to "Star Wars," the movies?Copy !req
219. What the hell is going on here?Copy !req
220. What's going on is the sale
of America's greatest asset.Copy !req
221. You see, when the United States
created Star WarsCopy !req
222. it made this country
incredibly powerful.Copy !req
223. Morgan Freeman?Copy !req
224. Earlier this week, Lucas signed
the rights to Star Wars over to Disney,Copy !req
225. and the Chinese saw a way
to obtain it for themselves.Copy !req
226. The Chinese government knew
that President Obama would help themCopy !req
227. take the rights from Disney
if they helped him get re-elected.Copy !req
228. Oh.Copy !req
229. But the child who actually stole
the ballots has hidden themCopy !req
230. and won't give them to anyone until
his demands are met.Copy !req
231. You've all got quite
a mess on your hands.Copy !req
232. I wish you well with it.Copy !req
233. Just one thing Morgan Freeman.Copy !req
234. How come every time something convoluted
needs explaining, you show up?Copy !req
235. Because every time I show up
and explain something, I earn a freckle.Copy !req
236. So here's the deal, General Tsao.
Mr. President.Copy !req
237. When the Chinese make the sequels,Copy !req
238. I get to play the part
of Luke Skywalker's son.Copy !req
239. Cartman Skywalker.Copy !req
240. That was not the deal!
We will not be bullied by you!Copy !req
241. Well, then I guess we're about
to play a game of chicken, General Tsao.Copy !req
242. I get it.
General Tsao's ch-chi-chicken.Copy !req
243. You are absolutely sure about this?Copy !req
244. It's been confirmed, Mike.
My God, we may have won this thing.Copy !req
245. Sir?Copy !req
246. Sir, we have some incredible news.Copy !req
247. There are rumors of hundreds
of thousands of stolen ballots.Copy !req
248. You might have won
the election after allCopy !req
249. There's nothing here, Kyle.Copy !req
250. Anything in the basement, Jimmy?Copy !req
251. Just old junk and boxes
of Eric's mom's dildos.Copy !req
252. Well, keep looking!Copy !req
253. Oh, my goodness, what's going on?Copy !req
254. Sorry, Ms. Cartman,Copy !req
255. but your son took some things
that didn't belong to him.Copy !req
256. I've told him to respect people's property.
What did he take?Copy !req
257. He stole ballots
in all the swing statesCopy !req
258. so the wrong person
was elected president.Copy !req
259. Oh, well,
no TV for him for a few days.Copy !req
260. There's nothing here, Kyle.
Not even one Scooby clue.Copy !req
261. Oh, my God, you guys!
Look!Copy !req
262. Dude, it's Boba Fett's ship!Copy !req
263. Just what the Dickens
is going on here, ha ha?Copy !req
264. Oh shit, it's him again.Copy !req
265. What's this about
a deal with the Chinese?Copy !req
266. I own all this shit now!Copy !req
267. I own the Death Star,
I own Tatooine, it's all mine.Copy !req
268. Alright, fuckers.Copy !req
269. Where are the missing ballots?Copy !req
270. Butters.Copy !req
271. You just couldn't keep your mouth shut,
could you, Butters?Copy !req
272. I didn't say anything!
I promise.Copy !req
273. I guess we learned that when it comes
to Star Wars we can't trust anyone.Copy !req
274. Not the president, not the Chinese.
And not you.Copy !req
275. Please, Eric!
I tried to be quiet, I swear!Copy !req
276. Shhhh, it's okay, Butters.Copy !req
277. Nobody's going to find
the election ballots.Copy !req
278. I have them hidden away,
somewhere nobody would ever look.Copy !req
279. A place in town people
barely even know exists.Copy !req
280. Hey, guys!
Lookin' to buy a Hummer today?Copy !req
281. We're having a Rocktober sales
event that's goin' into Rockvember.Copy !req
282. Hey, there!Copy !req
283. Interested in test driving
a Hummer today?Copy !req
284. I can see you... the Ray Bans,
got that nice bicep hanging outCopy !req
285. the window rolled down.
What do you think?Copy !req
286. Rockvember sales event, guys!
Every Hummer comes with a free Segway.Copy !req
287. Hey, why don't you shut up?Copy !req
288. Just excited about these deals,
that's all.Copy !req
289. We found him, sir.
But still no sign of the missing ballots.Copy !req
290. Go on, leave us alone.Copy !req
291. Now listen, little boy,Copy !req
292. the reason this country works is
because people go out and vote.Copy !req
293. - Every vote counts, and...
- Cut the crap, Mouse.Copy !req
294. You only care about
the election results becauseCopy !req
295. Romney would have been tougher
on the Chinese.Copy !req
296. Why don't you just tell me
where the missing ballots are?Copy !req
297. It'll make your death
a lot less painful, ha, ha.Copy !req
298. Trust me, they're somewhere
nobody will ever find them.Copy !req
299. If you kill me then Obama will
stay president and you'll loseCopy !req
300. Star Wars to the Chinese forever.Copy !req
301. Pretty neat, huh?
How would you like to have one?Copy !req
302. I can get those at Kmart.
If you want me to switch sidesCopy !req
303. you'll have to do better than that.Copy !req
304. - Like what?
- I want a part in the new movies.Copy !req
305. Well, then, why didn't you just
come to me in the first place?Copy !req
306. If you wanna be in the next
Star Wars, I'm your guy.Copy !req
307. I get to be Luke Skywalker's son.Copy !req
308. And there has to be
a character called Jewbacca!Copy !req
309. You can be Luke's son,
you can be Han Solo's son,Copy !req
310. I don't give two shits in a Popsicle.Copy !req
311. Really?Copy !req
312. Well, then,
I suppose that making the votes publicCopy !req
313. is the right thing to do.Copy !req
314. I can get the ballots for you.Copy !req
315. But if I'm gonna smuggle them here,
I'm gonna need a blaster and a Tonton.Copy !req
316. Sure thing!
I got a Tonton coming up my asshole. Haha.Copy !req
317. - Haha!
- Haha!Copy !req
318. Hehe.Copy !req
319. This is Breaking Election News!Copy !req
320. Hold that phone!Copy !req
321. The election may be over,
but rumors are running rampantCopy !req
322. that hundreds of thousands of ballots
for Mitt Romney were stolen.Copy !req
323. We need everyone's help here.
What you're looking for are bigCopy !req
324. boxes of ballots, hundreds of them.Copy !req
325. Please check your basements,
your attics.Copy !req
326. And you claim that a General Tsao hired
your friend Fat Ass to steal the ballots.Copy !req
327. But so far the Chinese are
refusing to speak with us.Copy !req
328. Yeah, well,
probably because General Tsao's chicken.Copy !req
329. Is that it?
Did he just... did he just...Copy !req
330. Yes, Chris we are getting confirmation
that was the millionth time!Copy !req
331. Excitement and revelry in South Park
as a little boy has justCopy !req
332. made the General Tsao's chicken
joke for the one millionth time!Copy !req
333. - What?
- Little boy, the General Tsao's chicken joke,Copy !req
334. a favorite for years, you've just
hit the magic number how's it feel?Copy !req
335. I... what?Copy !req
336. He's being presented the check now.Copy !req
337. A five thousand dollar gift
certificate to PF Chang's.Copy !req
338. This has been a long campaign
but someone's finally done it, wolf.Copy !req
339. Well, we tried dude.Copy !req
340. It just seems so unfair.Copy !req
341. People won't ever even know that
the wrong man is in the White House.Copy !req
342. Well, I mean, look at it this way.Copy !req
343. Almost half the country did
actually vote for Obama.Copy !req
344. If the election really just came
down to a bunch of boxes Cartman stole,Copy !req
345. then, does it matter that much?Copy !req
346. It matters, Stan.
It matters.Copy !req
347. Come on down to Stephenson HammerCopy !req
348. for our big Christmas
in Humvember sale!Copy !req
349. Not sure what to get
your loved one this holiday season?Copy !req
350. Why not give them a nice Hummer?Copy !req
351. Nothing beats a Hummer
on Christmas morning!Copy !req
352. Stan... when's the last time you saw
somebody drive a Hummer?Copy !req
353. Uh, forever ago.
Like 2010.Copy !req
354. Oh my God.Copy !req
355. Hey! Looking for a Hummer today?Copy !req
356. Got some 2009s here.Copy !req
357. Never been driven... ever.Copy !req
358. Go on, get outta here.
Shoo!Copy !req
359. - Look! There they are!
- Hey! Hi there!Copy !req
360. You kids like Hummers, huh?
Lemme show you these babies!Copy !req
361. We found it, you guys!Copy !req
362. Oh, no!
They followed us!Copy !req
363. Oh hell yes! Asians!
Hey guys!Copy !req
364. - Get out of our way.
- No!Copy !req
365. These don't belong to you.
They belong to the people!Copy !req
366. I am tired of playing games!
This little farce is over!Copy !req
367. I don't think so, General Tsao.
This way, Officers!Copy !req
368. Oh my God, it's a sales rush!Copy !req
369. Oh my God.Copy !req
370. Are those what I think they are?Copy !req
371. Yes, we must show these to the public
for democracy's sake! Right, Kyle?Copy !req
372. Sir, we found something.
At the Hummer sales lot outside of town.Copy !req
373. You don't understand!Copy !req
374. We are trying to protect
the greatest film series ever made!Copy !req
375. Protect it?Copy !req
376. What the hell is going on here?Copy !req
377. Perhaps I can explain it to you.Copy !req
378. You see, it turns outCopy !req
379. the only reason the Chinese
so desperately wanted Star WarsCopy !req
380. is because they're afraid that Disney
might not be the right place for it.Copy !req
381. The Chinese simply want to guard
Star Wars' impeccable legacy.Copy !req
382. Is that Morgan Freeman?Copy !req
383. And now we are at a crossroads.Copy !req
384. If these ballots are made publicCopy !req
385. then the man that people
voted for will be president,Copy !req
386. but he will no doubt
keep Star Wars from the ChineseCopy !req
387. and allow Disney to keep it instead.Copy !req
388. And so we have to ask ourselves:Copy !req
389. What's more important?Copy !req
390. That the right man is elected president,Copy !req
391. or that Star Wars is
with people who will protect it most?Copy !req
392. Unit four, what is it? Over?Copy !req
393. Well, kid?Copy !req
394. Well, if you put it that way.Copy !req
395. Come in! Unit four, come in!
What have you found?Copy !req
396. Nothing, sir.Copy !req
397. We just found some tremendous deals
on cars nobody wants, that's all.Copy !req
398. Barkley, out.Copy !req
399. No! But Obama wasn't really elected.
Don't you people care?Copy !req