1. I'm goin' down to South Park gonna have
myself a time friendly faces everywhereCopy !req
2. humble folks without temptation I'm
goin' down to South Park gonnaCopy !req
3. leave my woes behind ample
Parking day or night,Copy !req
4. people spouting, "howdy, neighbor"Copy !req
5. I'm headin' down to South Park
gonna see if I can't unwind.Copy !req
6. So come on down to South Park,
and meet some friends of mine.Copy !req
7. Fellas! Fellas!Copy !req
8. What?Copy !req
9. You'll never guess what happened?Copy !req
10. Butters just beat up Scott Malkinson.Copy !req
11. Butters? Why?Copy !req
12. It was crazy, Scott was just
talking about how he needed toCopy !req
13. take his Insulin shot, and outta
nowhere Butters said he's sickCopy !req
14. of people with diabetes
feeling sorry for themselves.Copy !req
15. Scott told Butters to shut up, and
Butters just starting whaling on him.Copy !req
16. You're talking about Butters.Copy !req
17. Dude, I'm telling you Butters
beat the crap out Scott and thenCopy !req
18. he locked himself in the bathroom.Copy !req
19. Butters?Copy !req
20. Leave me alone!Copy !req
21. Butters come out here.Copy !req
22. Get outta here all of you!Copy !req
23. Butters, people can't just go around
beating up people who have diabetes.Copy !req
24. Now, whatever your problem is you
just... you just think you knowCopy !req
25. everything, don't you Kyle!Copy !req
26. Every little thing you gotta
shoot your mouth off like you'reCopy !req
27. the expert! Well you don't
know everything because...Copy !req
28. your best friend is a kid who
thinks the entire planetCopy !req
29. revolves around him and he
only cares about his image!Copy !req
30. You guys think Cartman is the only
selfish piece of crap at this school?Copy !req
31. You are all fake and stuck up and
none of you have the courageCopy !req
32. to tell Jimmy that his jokes aren't funny.Copy !req
33. The only kid here with any sense
of dignity is Kenny, and theCopy !req
34. rest of you have your heads up your!Copy !req
35. Well, apparently Kenny
is Butters' best friend.Copy !req
36. You guys gonna make out, Kenny?Copy !req
37. And that's another thing!Copy !req
38. You're always trivializing everything
I say by gettin' the last word!Copy !req
39. Well you're not gettin'
the last word this time!Copy !req
40. Double wow!Copy !req
41. I'm sorry, but your son is
distracting the other studentsCopy !req
42. and his attitude is just getting worse.Copy !req
43. Butters, what on earth has gotten into you?Copy !req
44. I don't know dad, I was
just piss off I guess.Copy !req
45. Do you think this behavior is fair
to your teacher and classmates?Copy !req
46. I don't suppose it is,
but I don't give a darn!Copy !req
47. Do you have any idea how grounded
you are about to be, mister?Copy !req
48. Why don't you shut up dad and stick
it in yer ear for crying out loud!Copy !req
49. Stephen... are you thinking
what I'm thinking.Copy !req
50. Yes. Our little Butters is flowering.Copy !req
51. He has reached the age of Panua.Copy !req
52. Excuse me?Copy !req
53. Principal Victoria... this
isn't Butter's fault.Copy !req
54. It's not?Copy !req
55. It has to do with biology.Copy !req
56. You've maybe noticed that Butters isn't...
Exactly like other kids.Copy !req
57. Yeah.Copy !req
58. You probably think Butters
seems somehow different.Copy !req
59. Hey yeah, all the time!Copy !req
60. It's because he is.Copy !req
61. His mother and I... our whole
family... we're not of this place.Copy !req
62. I'm sorry I really don't understand.Copy !req
63. Please, just try to understand that for
our people it is a very private matter.Copy !req
64. He can't be helped by your discipline,
this must be dealt with by his own kind.Copy !req
65. If it's alright with you, we'd like
an extended leave for our boy.Copy !req
66. Please, it's a cultural thing.Copy !req
67. I don't want him to go, Stephen!
He's too young!Copy !req
68. It's our people's way, Linda!Copy !req
69. You know that better then I do!Copy !req
70. Then we can go with him!Copy !req
71. You know that's not allowed!Copy !req
72. Will somebody tell me what the
friggy fookshmeres going on?Copy !req
73. Butters, you've reached the
age where you must journey toCopy !req
74. your birthplace for the
ceremony of hapa noa.Copy !req
75. But I'm from here!Copy !req
76. No, we moved here just before
you started preschool. You wereCopy !req
77. born in our native land, Butters.Copy !req
78. A distant and very secluded island world...
Called 'hava-ii'.Copy !req
79. We're from Hawaii?Copy !req
80. Only haoles pronounce it 'Hawaii', Butters.
But those ofCopy !req
81. us from Havaii are a very special people.Copy !req
82. We have many customs and traditions
to keep our culture alive.Copy !req
83. We drink drink chichis from the coconut.Copy !req
84. We eat poke that the safeway provides.Copy !req
85. And when we've chosen a mate,
we marry at the fern grotto-asCopy !req
86. your mother and I did so...
Very long ago.Copy !req
87. As a stotch, Butters, you are
actually Hawaiian royalty, yourCopy !req
88. grandma and grandpa were there
in the time of the king.Copy !req
89. But what does being Hawaiian
have to do with me acting likeCopy !req
90. an emo chick on her period?Copy !req
91. Not an emo chick on her period,
Butters, like a salmonCopy !req
92. needing to swim back up river.Copy !req
93. All Hawaiians feel it. It is
called 'hapa hua opae loa', andCopy !req
94. it means now it is your time to
make your trip to our island home.Copy !req
95. You must do your walkabout to
your homeland, Butters... andCopy !req
96. you must do it alone.Copy !req
97. Take this, son.Copy !req
98. It is our Mahalo rewards card.Copy !req
99. It will provide you with all you need.Copy !req
100. And now I must turn my back on you.Copy !req
101. Holy shit balls, holy shit balls.Copy !req
102. Guess what you guys, holy shit balls.Copy !req
103. What?Copy !req
104. Butters just got on a bus with his bags
packed and said he's going to Hawaii.Copy !req
105. Hawaii?Copy !req
106. He said he had to go back to his
homeland and then told me itCopy !req
107. was none of my business and
to keep my fat mouth shut.Copy !req
108. Dude what the? Somebody's gotta stop him!Copy !req
109. After all he said to
us, he can go ahead.Copy !req
110. Kenny, you're clearly his
best friend, go stop him.Copy !req
111. I'm not his best friend.Copy !req
112. Yeah mister perfect, go rescue Butters
so he can lick your balls some more.Copy !req
113. Butters, come on.Copy !req
114. They won't let me on the plane.Copy !req
115. I can't do anything right.Copy !req
116. No, no! I have to go to Hawaii Kenny!
I have no ideaCopy !req
117. what's waiting there for me
but I can't go on like this!Copy !req
118. Excuse me, he needs to get to Hawaii.Copy !req
119. I already told him.
I can't allow anyone on the aircraft whoCopy !req
120. appears to be intoxicated.Copy !req
121. I'm not intoxicated. I'm just deligerent
cuz it's my hapa noa huy loa!Copy !req
122. Please can you just let him on the plane.Copy !req
123. It's really important.Copy !req
124. Please?Copy !req
125. Tell you what - there's plenty of
points on his Mahalo rewards card.Copy !req
126. If you want to fly with
him I can let him go.Copy !req
127. Me?Copy !req
128. Can't you see I'm in horrible pain.Copy !req
129. okay! Okay I'll go.Copy !req
130. Well, we're here.
Now what do I do?Copy !req
131. Can I help you wid anything?Copy !req
132. Uh yeah, I'm not sure
where I'm supposed to go.Copy !req
133. Ok, well are you on a cruise
ship or a land tour group?Copy !req
134. Oh I'm not a tourist.Copy !req
135. I'm a native Hawaiian.Copy !req
136. Butters stotch?Copy !req
137. Yeah.Copy !req
138. Welcome home young Keiki.Copy !req
139. Your parents said you would
be coming for your ceremony.Copy !req
140. Uhh who's this?Copy !req
141. Oh this is my friend, Kenny.Copy !req
142. Butters, native Hawaiians don't
really approve of haolesCopy !req
143. coming to their ceremonies.Copy !req
144. Oh please, if it weren't for
him I couldn't have come.Copy !req
145. Very well we shall speak with the
chief of our island and see.Copy !req
146. Come now.Copy !req
147. You folks are all native Hawaiians too?Copy !req
148. Yes. My wife Patty and I have
been coming to Kauai forCopy !req
149. almost five years, and Bill and Donna
actually own a timeshare in poipu.Copy !req
150. Yes, but poipu is getting pretty
overrun with tourists, I'm afraid.Copy !req
151. Let us eat.Copy !req
152. Ah yes, let us eat.Copy !req
153. Aloha. Five orders of saimin,
please what's samimin?Copy !req
154. It is one of the foods of our people.Copy !req
155. Oh I get twenty percent off.Copy !req
156. I'm a native. Here's my
Mahalo rewards card.Copy !req
157. Mahalo!Copy !req
158. Come on ya tourists!
Buy a postcard..Copy !req
159. These are the ancient
ruins of our ancestors.Copy !req
160. They say the spirit of the
king is still in there.Copy !req
161. You must stay away this
place, it is kapu.Copy !req
162. That means taboo
especially the haoles.Copy !req
163. That there is bubbuh's burgers, us
natives used to always eat there.Copy !req
164. Here's the Sheraton. Just another
megahotel for the throngs of tourists.Copy !req
165. Here's where many of us natives live.Copy !req
166. it's alright, we're natives.Copy !req
167. Protector and chief, I present
to you the keiki Butters stotch.Copy !req
168. Ahhh, Steven and Linda's child.Copy !req
169. Last time I saw you, you
were the size of a coconut.Copy !req
170. Who's the haole?Copy !req
171. My dearest friends. I am
living amongst the natives inCopy !req
172. the remote and tiny island of Kauai.Copy !req
173. What can I tell you of this
mysterious island and its people?Copy !req
174. It is a place of wonder and yet
to the outsider like me, aCopy !req
175. place of odd tradition.Copy !req
176. The people here are peaceful
and joyous and seem to careCopy !req
177. little for the rush and
worry of the outside world.Copy !req
178. Their diet is mostly an odd
mixture of coconut milk,Copy !req
179. pineapple juice and vodka which
they call 'the chi chi'.Copy !req
180. As for Butters, he is quickly
learning the ways of hisCopy !req
181. ancestors, and seems to be feeling
better with every passing day.Copy !req
182. He still seems quite angry at
times, but luckily, his ceremonyCopy !req
183. will finally take place on the morrow.Copy !req
184. On the morrow? What is wrong with Kenny?Copy !req
185. To wit I have found nothing
wrong with this remote place,Copy !req
186. and I must admit it will be with
some melancholy that I willCopy !req
187. leave this island and return home.Copy !req
188. I saw this chick in a
bikini on the beach, too.Copy !req
189. She had the nicest boobs ever.Copy !req
190. Humbly yours, Kenneth.Copy !req
191. In the time honored traditioions of our
ancestors, e honor the native Hawaiian.Copy !req
192. Butters stotch with his hapa noa.Copy !req
193. The shark's tooth necklace represents
your connection to our island.Copy !req
194. Now drink the chi chi.Copy !req
195. Ooh it's like gasoline!Copy !req
196. Drink, young Keiki, and you will feel
the last of your aggression melt away.Copy !req
197. Hey I do feel Butter...Copy !req
198. better.Copy !req
199. Oh spirits of ancestors.Copy !req
200. We ask that you bless this native
Hawaiian with his hapa noa!Copy !req
201. We ask that you... listen. Listen everyone.
I have terrible, horrible news!Copy !req
202. Do you realize that you are
interrupting a hapa noa?Copy !req
203. I've just come from the front office.Copy !req
204. The Mahalo rewards card is...Copy !req
205. what? What has happened? Speak!Copy !req
206. The Mahalo rewards card
is being eliminated.Copy !req
207. They are trying to say our points are...Copy !req
208. Are no longer going to be accepted.Copy !req
209. I knew one day it would come to this.Copy !req
210. To what? What does this mean?Copy !req
211. The haloes are trying to do away with us.Copy !req
212. With no rewards program...Copy !req
213. They'll be no distinction between who's
a native to this island and who isn't!Copy !req
214. Why can't your people respect our island?Copy !req
215. Why do you always want more?Copy !req
216. I'm sorry Keiki your hapa
noa will have to wait!Copy !req
217. For we must unite together as never before!Copy !req
218. It is time to show the haoles
that this is our island!Copy !req
219. Stop ruining our island, haoles! Fire!Copy !req
220. What are they doing?Copy !req
221. Take a swing, let them
know they are not welcome.Copy !req
222. I've never done this before.Copy !req
223. It's alright, just try to tap into
that anger that's inside you.Copy !req
224. My anger... my anger!Copy !req
225. Stupid... Ben Affleck!Copy !req
226. Hold on! Hold on!Copy !req
227. I can't I can't I can't I can't!Copy !req
228. I love you I love you!Copy !req
229. I love you too ahghghgh!Copy !req
230. This is Breaking News!Copy !req
231. An insurrection in the Hawaiian
islands has escalated to war.Copy !req
232. After sinking a cruise ship the natives
of Kauai continue to go berserk forcingCopy !req
233. all tourists off their island.Copy !req
234. They just pushed us onto airplanes
and said we weren't welcome anymore.Copy !req
235. Then a little boy called me a skank.Copy !req
236. The president says he will send the
coast guard to take the island back,Copy !req
237. though he sympathizes being a
native Hawaiian himself. Hmmm...Copy !req
238. Are all the tourists gone from our island?Copy !req
239. All but a few who are hiding
out at Duke's restaurant.Copy !req
240. We've sent Bob and Trishia
Turner to smoke them out.Copy !req
241. What about him?Copy !req
242. What about me?Copy !req
243. He's a tourist and he knows
everything we have to kill him.Copy !req
244. No! Kenny's my friend!Copy !req
245. He's the only kid at school I
actually like you bunch a jerks!Copy !req
246. Be careful young Keiki, your
anger stills controls youCopy !req
247. because we were not able
to finish your ceremony...Copy !req
248. perhaps we should finish it now.Copy !req
249. Finish his ceremony? We are at war David!Copy !req
250. I have lived on this island
for ten years. Ten years.Copy !req
251. Every July and part of August.Copy !req
252. And I can tell you all that
what we are about to face fromCopy !req
253. the haoles is nothing short of genocide.Copy !req
254. He's right, David. We
can't trust any tourists.Copy !req
255. He won't betray us, will you Kenny?Copy !req
256. No I won't betray anybody.Copy !req
257. Then let him prove himself.Copy !req
258. He's only a child.Copy !req
259. If he wants to be one of us...Copy !req
260. Then he must face the challenge.Copy !req
261. Very well.Copy !req
262. This isn't right.Copy !req
263. He's not a native he's going to get killed!Copy !req
264. Kenny be careful!Copy !req
265. Quiet. He must face this challenge alone.Copy !req
266. By the gods, perhaps he does have
the heart of a native after all.Copy !req
267. He still has yet to make the turn...Copy !req
268. That's pretty good.Copy !req
269. Kenny!Copy !req
270. I told you a haole couldn't do it!Copy !req
271. Did you make the turn your first try?Copy !req
272. Did any of us?Copy !req
273. Don't worry Butters, your friend
will find his way back to his kind.Copy !req
274. The gods will protect him.Copy !req
275. We have called for this great meeting,
because if we are to survive this war,Copy !req
276. all the native Hawaiian
tribes must join as one.Copy !req
277. We are not joining with people
of the Hyatt grand vacations.Copy !req
278. They have no right to
call themselves natives.Copy !req
279. And and you do?Copy !req
280. Your ancestors came on an
airplane six months ago!Copy !req
281. Our ancestors sailed here.Copy !req
282. On a cruise ship. Nine months ago.Copy !req
283. Look if we are to fight the haoles we
have to allow all natives to stay.Copy !req
284. It doesn't matter how many
tribes we have-we can't win.Copy !req
285. We are but few against the
haoles' military might.Copy !req
286. We may have passion but
passion does not win wars!Copy !req
287. Oh no? Come up here Keiki, come on...Copy !req
288. this child sunk a cruise ship by himself.Copy !req
289. Tell them Keiki.Copy !req
290. I don't know about the rest of yaCopy !req
291. but I'm sick and tired of being
pushed around all the time!Copy !req
292. I came all the way down here for my hapa
noa ceremony and I can't even have it,Copy !req
293. cuz the haoles have to ruin everything.Copy !req
294. Yeah! Screw them!Copy !req
295. If you ask me the only good
haole's a dead haole! With a...Copy !req
296. with a - stick... up his
and a, and his cut off!Copy !req
297. Let us make a pact with more chi chis!Copy !req
298. Um. We're, we're out of chichis.Copy !req
299. Oh right, we've closed off all the ports.Copy !req
300. But they're still letting
vodka through, right?Copy !req
301. They can't cut off our chichis...Copy !req
302. Oh my God.Copy !req
303. This is the U.S. coast guard.Copy !req
304. We have instructions to take
you by force if necessary.Copy !req
305. Ready! Fire!Copy !req
306. FireCopy !req
307. Launch the bocce balls!Copy !req
308. Dang it...Copy !req
309. Keep fighting! Stand your ground!Copy !req
310. We can't fight without chichis!Copy !req
311. You can and you must!Copy !req
312. Stupid! Greedy! Haoles!Copy !req
313. Kill! Them! All!Copy !req
314. Listen everyone.Copy !req
315. We gave it all we had...Copy !req
316. It's over.Copy !req
317. We must go down to nawiliwili harborCopy !req
318. and surrender to the American government.Copy !req
319. Surrender? No! To heck with that!Copy !req
320. We can't hold out here any longer.Copy !req
321. Well I won't do it you hear me?Copy !req
322. I'm not licking anybody's -...Copy !req
323. Young Keiki... try to control your anger-no!
This is our home!Copy !req
324. And I'm sick of everyone who thinks
they're better than me just cuzCopy !req
325. they got good looks and just cuz,Copy !req
326. even after massacring daredevil
they happen to come backCopy !req
327. and hit a home run that everyone loves!Copy !req
328. You shouldn't be able to be good looking,Copy !req
329. and be with Jennifer Lopez
and be a good director.Copy !req
330. Alright, alright fine,
Argo is a good movie.Copy !req
331. There I admitted it! I told
people it didn't hold up.Copy !req
332. But it holds up God darn it!
Ben Affleck has everything.Copy !req
333. Everyone! Look I say!Copy !req
334. The haole did it!Copy !req
335. My dear friends of the mainland.Copy !req
336. What adventures I have found
on the tiny island of Kauai.Copy !req
337. I have truly become one with the natives,Copy !req
338. who found new courage to
fight their oppressors.Copy !req
339. We are not surrendering today!Copy !req
340. Go back and tell your leaders that
we will fight them until the end!Copy !req
341. You people just don't give up do you?Copy !req
342. The American goverment finallyCopy !req
343. gave in to the natives, and had the
Mahalo rewards cards reinstated.Copy !req
344. Our two cultures, it appears,
will once again live in peace.Copy !req
345. With the war at an end, our Butters
is able to have his hapa noa ceremonyCopy !req
346. and with any help from the gods,Copy !req
347. become his old cheery self again.Copy !req
348. And so it is with great honor that
we recognize these two nativesCopy !req
349. with their hapa loa.Copy !req
350. Take your cards, boys.Copy !req
351. A puy loa hapa loa!Copy !req
352. Apa a a hoo ha!Copy !req
353. It's finally over young Keiki.Copy !req
354. Is your anger at rest?Copy !req
355. Yeah I guess so...Copy !req
356. Except it still doesn't change the fact
that Ben Affleck gets to be handsome,Copy !req
357. talented and then gets to go
home and kiss Jennifer Lopez.Copy !req
358. Ben Affleck isn't with Jennifer Lopez
anymore, he's married to Jennifer Garner.Copy !req
359. Yeah/yup/that's right...Copy !req
360. What? Really?Copy !req
361. But I thought I was totally jealous of him!Copy !req
362. He's just married to Jennifer Garner? Oh my gosh...
I feel so much better!Copy !req
363. You do?Copy !req
364. Yeah! Oh... I like that Ben Affleck guy.Copy !req
365. He's a good filmmaker.Copy !req
366. Come on Kenny, I guess I owe
the kids at school an apology.Copy !req
367. Did you see Argo, Kenny?Copy !req
368. It's a pretty good movie.Copy !req
369. Ben Affleck has a lot going for him.Copy !req
370. Not everything, but a lot.
Whooppee!Copy !req
371. Well, apparently Kenny is Butters Best friend.Copy !req
372. You guys gonna make out Kenny?Copy !req
373. And that's another thing!Copy !req
374. You're always trivializing everything
I say by gettin' the last word!Copy !req
375. Well you're not getting
the last word this time!Copy !req
376. Wow.Copy !req