South Park 15x9

Directed by Trey Parker

What begins as an innocent game between the boys turns serious when Cartman joins the U.S. Border Patrol. Not surprisingly, Cartman turns out to be really good at stopping Mexicans.

Request examples:

!req South Park 15x9 [02:32]
!req South Park 15x9 [South Park 15x9]
Syntax: !req EPISODE [quote or timestamp] (max. 8 square brackets)

For quotes, now you can request by index (e.g !req South Park 15x9 [10-11]; !req South Park 15x9 [20] [24]). Keep in mind, though, that index numbers might change at any time.
You can also generate a copy command with the quotes. Hover the desired subtitle and enter the amount of lines you want to copy.

Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

Note: you must use specific languages with their specific pages/discord channels.

1. - All right, ya'll, keep your eyes peeled and your guns ready.

2. There's a heap of Mexicans out there

3. who want nothing more than to sneak past our border,

4. and we got to stop 'em!

5. - Eric, you want to say hi to Grandpa?

6. - Not now, Mom! We're playing Texans versus Mexicans! Gah!

7. All right, patrol, you all know the drill.

8. Not one Mexican is to get past this border.

9. Not a single one! Yee-haw!

10. Yee-haw.

11. - Fellow "Meheecans"!

12. This time, we're gonna try rushing the Texans from the left side.

13. Do not give up hope, for I am Mantequilla!

14. ¡Viva la "Meheeco"!

15. - Uh, Butters, I think we're gonna go back to Kyle being team leader.

16. - Aw, I'm not a good Meheecan?

17. - You're a great Meheecan, Butters, but maybe just not a leader of Meheeco.

18. - Look, guys, all we need to do is split up

19. and apply some good diversion tactics.

20. We'll use the Texans' emotions against them.

21. - Deeet deeet deeet do do do do!

22. Deeet deeet deeet do do do do!

23. Scanning for Mexicans.

24. Deeet deeet deeet do do do do, deet... ah!

25. We've got a Mexican!

26. - Hey, Texans! Let me through! We want a treaty!

27. - He's trying a simple diversion tactic. Thinks we're stupid.

28. Ha-ha! You're gonna have to do better than that, Mexican!

29. - Better than being a fat-ass Texan!

30. - Hey! Just because I'm Texan doesn't mean I'm fat!

31. - No, you're fat to begin with, chubby.

32. Now you're Texan too.

33. - Oh, yeah? Oh, yeah?

34. Well, you're a fucking Jew, Kyle!

35. And now you're a Mexican Jew!

36. You dirty, no-good Mexi-Jew!

37. Let's just see you try and- - Base!

38. - Clyde!

39. What the fuck are you doing? You just let a Mexican through!

40. - I was enthralled with the dialogue exchange.

41. - Yeah, well you all need to stay focused, God damn it!

42. If you let yourselves get distracted for even one minute,

43. we're gonna be overrun with these jobless, no-good-

44. - Base! - Dude!

45. How did he get past the fence, Craig?

46. - I didn't hear him coming with all your screaming.

47. - Nobody's fucking screaming, Craig! Wake the fuck up!

48. - B-Base!

49. - Oh, God!

50. - So... - so then- so then the Pope says,

51. "Maybe you should go check the toilet!"

52. - Hey, hey, I got one.

53. Why do girls wear makeup and perfume?

54. - Why? - 'Cause they're ugly and they stink.

55. - Cartman, stop pouting that you lost the game.

56. - I'm not pouting! I've just heard all these jokes before.

57. - So then don't have a slumber party if you're gonna be an asshole all night.

58. - At least I have an asshole, Kyle!

59. Boy, I've really done it this time.

60. I had one simple direction... "Go that way."

61. How did I end up getting lost?

62. My amigos were right.

63. I am a lousy Meheecan.

64. They're all living the good life

65. while I'm-I'm still stuck out here in Meheeco.

66. I am...

67. the last of the Meheecans.

68. Hello? Anybody?

69. Come on, Mantequilla. You have to find that border!

70. - Oh, careful, darling. The storm is getting worse.

71. - It sure is. I can barely see.

72. - Oh, my God, look out! It's a Mexican!

73. - Oof!

74. - Oh, my God! Are you all right?

75. - Por favor...

76. I have to get across the border.

77. Mis amigos... -

78. my amigos are waiting...

79. - Poor thing must have snuck across the border

80. and then lost track of his family.

81. - I am Mantequilla,

82. the last of the Meheecans.

83. - Guest room. Guest room!

84. Bed. Bed!

85. Pillow.

86. You're going to be okay. Do you understand?

87. - Darling, I don't know if we can keep him.

88. - What are we supposed to do,

89. call the police and have him shipped back to Mexico like some animal?

90. Window. Window!

91. - Yep, window.

92. - ¡Bueno!

93. He'll have so much more opportunity here than he ever would in Mexico.

94. Window. Window!

95. Windex. Windex, Mantequilla.

96. Paper towel.

97. Sí. Sí, Mantequilla.

98. - Ah, be sure to get the edges.

99. - Oh, darling, it's wonderful.

100. - No. No!

101. Must protect the border.

102. Everyone's getting through. No!

103. Clyde! We're losing!

104. Kyle got through.

105. Oh, no, now Stan's through!

106. And Jimmy. It's over.

107. Only Mexican left is Butters. We got...

108. Butters!

109. Hey, wake up, you guys!

110. Wake up, losers!

111. - What are you talking about? - Where is Butters?

112. - He was with us at dinner.

113. Wait. Was he with us at dinner?

114. - Yeah, I think he was. Wait.

115. - Butters is one of those people

116. who you can never remember if he was there or not.

117. - Butters?

118. - Butters!

119. - Jesus, it's freezing out here.

120. He-he could be dead.

121. - All right, men, rally up!

122. There's still a Mexican out there, and he ain't getting through!

123. You haven't won yet!

124. Game on! - Game on!

125. - Ugh. Game on.

126. - Mantequilla. Mantequilla, come to the living room.

127. We have a surprise for you.

128. - Surprise!

129. We scraped some money together and got you something.

130. - It's a present, Mantequilla. Un presente.

131. - Wow! A present just for me?

132. - Oh, he's such a happy little Mexican.

133. - How do you like that, Mantequilla?

134. Your very own leaf blower!

135. I have no idea how it works, but I'm sure you do.

136. Say, how'd you like to go in the backyard and play?

137. - Oh, look at him, darling. He's so happy.

138. - Oh, no, no, Mantequilla!

139. You're just blowing the leaves from one side to the other.

140. Get them in one pile

141. so you can use the garbage bags we loaned you.

142. - Sí, señor.

143. - Oh, he's so adorable.

144. - Honey? Honey, what's wrong?

145. - It's Mantequilla.

146. We've tried giving him everything, but I don't think he's happy.

147. Tonight I told him he could do whatever he wanted before bed:

148. Wash the windows, mop up our bathroom.

149. But you know what he said?

150. He said, "I need to go home."

151. I tried telling him, "Your home is here, Mantequilla."

152. ¡Tu casa es aquí!

153. But I don't think he feels it.

154. - Well, maybe if we let him paint the garage,

155. he'll feel more like family and-

156. - No, Brian!

157. In my heart, I know it's true.

158. He belongs with his own kind, Brian.

159. He belongs with his own kind.

160. - Come on, honey.

161. - Hey, where are you going?

162. - No!

163. Mantequilla, bad! Go now!

164. - Ma'am, could I just use your phone?

165. - ¡No es bueno, Mantequilla!

166. ¡No me mires! ¡Por favor!

167. ¡Por favor, no mires!

168. - So there I was,

169. just yards away from the American border.

170. All my amigos made it across,

171. but I became lost in the woods.

172. If the Ripples hadn't a come along, I might have froze to death.

173. But I'm not giving up, for I am Mantequilla!

174. - ¿Mantequilla? - ¿Mantequilla?

175. - Nothing can stop me and my pride in mother Meheeco!

176. - Hey, you fellas think you can help me get across that border?

177. - All my amigos are there, waiting for me.

178. - ¡Viva la "Meheeco"!

179. - All right, let's get him into ER.

180. - Careful! My foot!

181. - We're crossing the border!

182. - ¡Olé!

183. - Pretty quiet out there.

184. - Yeah, a bit too quiet, if you ask me.

185. Give me those.

186. - Just seems like Mexicans don't try to cross into the U.S.

187. As much as they used to, you know?

188. - No, they're out there, Charlie, plotting their next move.

189. They'll do anything they can to get into the land of opportunity.

190. And as long as this country offers everyone a better life,

191. There's gonna be people clamoring to get in.

192. It's the curse of success, Charlie.

193. A great and wealthy nation will always be plagued

194. by the needy trying to-

195. what the hell?

196. - Uh, sir...

197. aren't them Mexicans running into Mexico?

198. - That don't make sense.

199. - You're going the wrong way!

200. - You've heard of Mexican salsa,

201. but Mexican pride?

202. The phenomenon is called orgullo de Mantequilla,

203. where Mexicans are realizing

204. it actually is starting to suck more here in the U.S.

205. The borders are being flooded with Latin Americans

206. trying to get back to their own countries.

207. - Well, I think it's good.

208. If the Mexican people feel inspired, good for them.

209. People have a right to go and be happy.

210. No!

211. - But just what has sparked the Mexican desire to live in Mexico?

212. Joining us now is analyst Mark Geiger.

213. And, Mark, we've heard of Mexican ice cream,

214. but Mexican patriotism?

215. - Yes, it's a very odd phenomenon, Chris.

216. - Cartman, what the hell is this?

217. - You guys, the game is over.

218. Clearly, I won. Give it up.

219. - "Wanted by the U.S. Border Patrol.

220. Permission to shoot on sight"?

221. - You guys were putting out flyers. I had to put some out too.

222. - Butters has been missing for a week!

223. You might have inadvertently gotten him killed!

224. - Well, then I inadvertently won the game, didn't I?

225. - Do you have what it takes to join the Border Patrol?

226. Border Patrol officers are looking for volunteers

227. to help with the reverse-immigration crisis.

228. - Oh, dude. Sweet.

229. Vamos, Mantequilla.

230. Vamos, Mantequilla.

231. Vamos, Mantequilla.

232. - Oh, I'm sorry. I don't really-

233. ¡Oy!

234. ¡Oy!

235. ¡Orgullo!

236. - Wow.

237. - Welcome to the U.S. Border Patrol.

238. You volunteers are the key to keeping this country safe and prosperous.

239. Every day, more and more Mexicans are trying to get past this fence

240. and go back to their homes in Mexico.

241. As Border Patrol officers, our duty is to stop Mexicans

242. from crossing the border.

243. We don't need to worry about the semantics

244. of which direction they're going.

245. We're just supposed to stop 'em!

246. Marcus?

247. - The standard-issue Border Patrol weapon is the P-29 stun baton.

248. It carries a 4,000-watt charge

249. and is your best option for enforcing Border Patrol law.

250. - This is gonna be so fucking sweet.

251. - The baton is nonlethal but powerful-

252. - Hey, we got some! Mexicans at 2:00!

253. - Let's get ready, recruits! Must be a couple dozen of 'em.

254. - Doot doot doot doot, ba ba ba ba doot.

255. - This is the U.S. Border Patrol.

256. Stop where you are.

257. Turn around and get back to work.

258. - There's too many of 'em. We're gonna need backup!

259. - You're pretty good at stopping Mexicans, son.

260. What's your name?

261. - Cartman.

262. Eric T. Cartman.

263. - Dedicated, patriotic, tireless.

264. These are the men and women of the U.S. Border Patrol.

265. They work around the clock protecting America's prosperity.

266. They are the front line in making sure Mexicans stay here and work.

267. The Border Patrol is uncompromising, diligent, and cool.

268. They will defend, arrest, and, most importantly,

269. let the Mexicans know that they are way better off here in United States.

270. - Thanks, everyone!

271. It sure has been great getting to know you all.

272. You've been really great amigos!

273. It's really kind of made me appreciate my amigos back home.

274. I know they're waiting for me.

275. And I'm sure they're all worried sick.

276. - Mantequilla...

277. - What did he say? I actually don't speak Spanish.

278. - Dooo dooo dooo, deet deet deet.

279. Dooo dooo dooo, deet deet deet deet.

280. No Mexicans detected.

281. Huh, nothing.

282. - Let's face it.

283. They've just about all gotten back across.

284. No matter how hard we tried, the Mexicans all got across the border.

285. - When we asked Obama to stop illegal immigrants,

286. we didn't mean to make the U.S. So shitty,

287. they wouldn't want to come anymore.

288. - Hey! Hey, wait a minute!

289. It's a Mexican!

290. I think he wants to come back in!

291. - Oh, my, God, it is!

292. Hey! Hey!

293. Come on in!

294. Come on!

295. Come on, it's okay!

296. Fuck are you doing?

297. Get that gate open!

298. - Come on, buddy! - Come on, now!

299. - You got it!

300. - Wait a minute. Isn't that...

301. - Game on!

302. - Oh, no, you don't!

303. - Ah!

304. - Fuck are you doing?

305. - That asshole is not getting across my border!

306. Ah!

307. I'll get over! - No, you won't, Butters.

308. - Hee-ya!

309. Oh!

310. - Hey!

311. - ¡Mantequilla ayudar la Border Patrol!

312. - ¡Respecto mi autoridad!

313. - ¡Border Patrol pegaron el cerdo gordo!

314. - Where the fuck did he go?

315. Aha!

316. Ha-ha! Game over, Butters!

317. You lose!

318. What the fuck is this?

319. No.

320. No!

321. - No!

322. - Base!

323. - ¡El base-o!

324. ¡Base-o!

325. - So then... - so then the fireman says, "That won't even fit in my scrotum!"

326. - Stop being a pouty little bitch 'cause you lost, Cartman.

327. - I'm not pouting!

328. I'm just sensitive to firemen jokes 'cause of 9/11 and the-

329. fuck you, Kyle.

330. - Boy, I'm so glad I proved I'm a good Meheecan!

331. Hey, maybe next time, I can be team leader!

332. - Uh, I think we'll stick with Kyle, dude.

333. You made it across the border, but it did take you 21/2 weeks.

334. - Yeah, you're a great Meheecan, Butters, just not a great leader of Meheeco.

335. ¡Oy! ¡Oy!

336. ¡Orgullo!

337. ¡Mantequilla!

338. A Baptist priest with a huge boner walks into a bar.