1. - All right,
now come on.Copy !req
2. Open presents.
Open presents!Copy !req
3. - Yeah, open mine first,
Stan.Copy !req
4. It's the red one.
- Where's mine?Copy !req
5. Where's mine? Where's mine?
Where's mine?Copy !req
6. - Here you go, sweetie.
- Yay!Copy !req
7. - Wait, wait.
It's Stan's birthday.Copy !req
8. - Yes, every time somebody
gets a birthday present,Copy !req
9. Eric gets one too.Copy !req
10. Otherwise...Copy !req
11. He gets a little upset.Copy !req
12. - What'd I get? What'd I get?
What'd I get?Copy !req
13. - Oh, God.Copy !req
14. - Oh, cool, Legos.
Thanks, Butters.Copy !req
15. - I know how you like Legos.
Happy birthday!Copy !req
16. - Oh, cool,
I got a racing a game for Xbox.Copy !req
17. You guys see that?
Cool, huh?Copy !req
18. - Here, this one's
from me, Stan.Copy !req
19. - Oh, thanks, dude.Copy !req
20. - Stan's getting
another present, Mom.Copy !req
21. - Here you are, muffin.
- Yay!Copy !req
22. Oh, cool, look!
A Ben 10 wrist rocket!Copy !req
23. That's exactly what I wanted
for Stan's birthday!Copy !req
24. What'd you get, Stan?Copy !req
25. - Oh, cool! Is this the new
Gersploosh album?Copy !req
26. - Yeah, dude!
- Uh, hold it.Copy !req
27. Is that a tween-wave band?Copy !req
28. - Yeah, they're the best!Copy !req
29. - Sorry, Stan, you know
you're not allowedCopy !req
30. to listen to this stuff.Copy !req
31. - Mom, I'm ten years old now.Copy !req
32. - I've told you what I think
of this music, Stanley.Copy !req
33. You have plenty
of other gifts to enjoy.Copy !req
34. - Looks like somebody's
on the rag, huh, Mom?Copy !req
35. - Sharon, Stan told me
you took away his music CDCopy !req
36. at his birthday party.Copy !req
37. - Oh, for crying out loud!Copy !req
38. I gave him a great party,
and that's all he cares about.Copy !req
39. - Well, do you really think
we should be telling our sonCopy !req
40. what music he can
and can't listen to?Copy !req
41. - Yes, I do, if it's that
stupid tween-wave garbage.Copy !req
42. - Tween-wave?
- You haven't heard it?Copy !req
43. It's terrible!
It's hardly even music.Copy !req
44. It just sounds like crap.Copy !req
45. - Sharon, come on.Copy !req
46. Don't you remember
being youngerCopy !req
47. and having our parents say
the music we likedCopy !req
48. sounded like crap?Copy !req
49. - This is different.Copy !req
50. - So.
Here we are.Copy !req
51. Now we're the old peopleCopy !req
52. who think the younger
generation's musicCopy !req
53. sounds like shit.Copy !req
54. - It's not because I'm older.Copy !req
55. I'm telling you,
our music was better.Copy !req
56. - Back in my day,
our music was better!Copy !req
57. Not this garbage
the young'uns listen to!Copy !req
58. Warble, warble, warble!Copy !req
59. - Fine, Randy!Copy !req
60. You go listen to it
and tell meCopy !req
61. you don't think
it sounds like crap.Copy !req
62. - I'd love to.Copy !req
63. I'm not an old fuddy-duddy,
Sharon.Copy !req
64. I'm still cool.Copy !req
65. - Well?
It sounds like crap, right?Copy !req
66. - Uh-
No, I mean, I like it.Copy !req
67. - Oh, come on!
That music sounds like shit!Copy !req
68. - No, it's just...
young and hip,Copy !req
69. so you don't get it, Sharon.Copy !req
70. - Admit it, Randy!Copy !req
71. You think it sounds
like crap too!Copy !req
72. - It doesn't sound
like crap at all!Copy !req
73. I think it's awesome!Copy !req
74. - Ugh!Copy !req
75. - It's called "tween-wave,"
and if you're a parent,Copy !req
76. your kids are probably
listening to it.Copy !req
77. A new music genreCopy !req
78. for the era from 2009
through 2012,Copy !req
79. or the tweens.Copy !req
80. Every generation
has their music,Copy !req
81. but many parents say
tween-waveCopy !req
82. sounds like crap.Copy !req
83. - It's just vulgar
and stupid, you know?Copy !req
84. Music used to be good.Copy !req
85. - This sounds like poo!Copy !req
86. - I certainly don't understand
kids' music today.Copy !req
87. Sounds like diarrhea to me.Copy !req
88. - Kids, however,
say they don't hear crap at all.Copy !req
89. - Parents are dumb!
- They don't get it!Copy !req
90. - They don't get it.
Parents are stupid!Copy !req
91. - Tween-wave is swick!Copy !req
92. - Tween-wave is super swick.Copy !req
93. Parents don't get it
'cause their ears are old.Copy !req
94. - Parents are dumb!Copy !req
95. - We're sorry, boys,Copy !req
96. but we have all decided
that as of now,Copy !req
97. none of you are allowed
to listen to tween-wave music.Copy !req
98. - Ugh!
God, that's so unfair!Copy !req
99. - But that's our music.
We like it.Copy !req
100. - Yeah, it's good!Copy !req
101. - What's good
about a bunch of crap soundsCopy !req
102. to a drum beat?Copy !req
103. - We don't know
what you're talking about.Copy !req
104. It doesn't sound
that way to us!Copy !req
105. - Yeah, it doesn't sound
like that to us.Copy !req
106. - I want to educate you kids
with some real music.Copy !req
107. This is the Police.Copy !req
108. Now, you compare this
to tween popCopy !req
109. and tell us which one
you think is real music.Copy !req
110. Ugh!
- What?Copy !req
111. - That sounds like shit.Copy !req
112. - What do you mean,
it sounds like shit?Copy !req
113. This doesn't sound like shit.Copy !req
114. - Gross!
- Turn it off, dude.Copy !req
115. - Stanley, I want you
to understandCopy !req
116. that even though
I won't let you listenCopy !req
117. to certain kinds of music,
I still love you.Copy !req
118. - I know, Mom.
I love you too.Copy !req
119. - Soon, you will be old enough
to make your own choices.Copy !req
120. But for now, I just don't want
you listening to that stuff.Copy !req
121. - It's okay, Mom.
I understand.Copy !req
122. - That's very mature of you,
Stanley.Copy !req
123. Good night, sweetie.
- Night.Copy !req
124. Ha-ha.Copy !req
125. Ugh!Copy !req
126. What the hell?Copy !req
127. - Oh, dude!Copy !req
128. Dude, this is the part
I was talking about.Copy !req
129. Check out the bass line
on this.Copy !req
130. - Oh, yeah, that one's cool.Copy !req
131. Yeah, this part's killer!Copy !req
132. - Hey, Stan.
- Hey, dudes.Copy !req
133. - Dude, have you really
listened to this sixth track?Copy !req
134. I think
it's my new favorite.Copy !req
135. - Yeah, yeah,
I've listened to it.Copy !req
136. Um, Kyle, can I talk to you
alone for a second?Copy !req
137. - Sure.Copy !req
138. What's up?Copy !req
139. - Kyle, I have to admit
something to you.Copy !req
140. You know how I told you
over the phoneCopy !req
141. I like the new
Gersploosh album?Copy !req
142. I lied.
I don't like it.Copy !req
143. I don't like it at all, Kyle.Copy !req
144. - Oh. Really?
Well, that's okay.Copy !req
145. - No, you don't understand,
dude.Copy !req
146. Something's happened.Copy !req
147. Tween-wave doesn't sound
the same to me.Copy !req
148. - Why?
What's it sound like?Copy !req
149. - It... kind of sounds
like shit.Copy !req
150. - What?Copy !req
151. You mean you don't like
the singingCopy !req
152. or the lyrics or what?Copy !req
153. - No, I mean it sounds
like somebodyCopy !req
154. is shitting in my ears!Copy !req
155. Please, just listen
really close.Copy !req
156. You don't hear shit?
- No.Copy !req
157. - That doesn't sound
like shit to you?Copy !req
158. - No!Copy !req
159. Dude, maybe you should see
a doctor.Copy !req
160. - And so then I put on
the exact same albumCopy !req
161. that I really liked
a year ago,Copy !req
162. and it sounded like shit
to me.Copy !req
163. - Uh-huh.
And what about food?Copy !req
164. Are some of the things
you thought tasted goodCopy !req
165. tasting like shit
to you now too?Copy !req
166. - Yeah! I used to love
these Pop Rock things,Copy !req
167. and I tried them
the other day,Copy !req
168. and I thought
they tasted like shit!Copy !req
169. - This says you had
a birthday recently?Copy !req
170. - I just turned ten.
- Well, that makes sense.Copy !req
171. You see, Stan,
as you get older,Copy !req
172. your eardrums, taste buds,
all that stuffCopy !req
173. develops and changes.Copy !req
174. - So this is normal?
- It's very normal.Copy !req
175. Let's just do
a quick ear exam.Copy !req
176. I'm gonna play
some tween-wave music,Copy !req
177. and you tell me
what you hear.Copy !req
178. What's that sound like
to you?Copy !req
179. - Sounds like shit.
- Uh-huh.Copy !req
180. Now I'm gonna play you
some good old Bob Dylan.Copy !req
181. - That sounds like shit too.Copy !req
182. - Wait, this sounds
like shit to you?Copy !req
183. - Yeah, dude, it's just shit.Copy !req
184. - Well, that's very strange.Copy !req
185. Hmm. I'm gonna try
something else.Copy !req
186. Look at these two pictures.Copy !req
187. One of them is an adCopy !req
188. for Kevin James'
new movie The Zookeeper,Copy !req
189. and the other
is a turd in a microwave.Copy !req
190. Which one is the ad
for The Zookeeper?Copy !req
191. - They both look the same.Copy !req
192. - You don't see any difference
in the pictures?Copy !req
193. - No.Copy !req
194. - That is an ad
for The Zookeeper,Copy !req
195. and that is a turd
about to be reheated.Copy !req
196. - They both look like turds
about to be reheated to me.Copy !req
197. - Oh, dear, I think I know
what this is.Copy !req
198. You see, Stan,
as you get older,Copy !req
199. things that you used to likeCopy !req
200. start looking
and sounding like shit,Copy !req
201. and things that seemed
shitty as a childCopy !req
202. don't seem as shitty.Copy !req
203. With you, somehow,
the wires have gotten crossed,Copy !req
204. and everything looks
and sounds like shit to you.Copy !req
205. It's a condition called
being a cynical asshole.Copy !req
206. - Oh, no.
- Yes.Copy !req
207. And there is no known cure,
I'm afraid.Copy !req
208. Everything just seems shitty,Copy !req
209. and everyone
starts to seem shitty,Copy !req
210. and everything they say
just starts to...Copy !req
211. - Randy, do you mind cleaning up
the garage like I asked you?Copy !req
212. - Get out of my room!Copy !req
213. I'm listening to my music!
Gah!Copy !req
214. - Stop pretending to like
the kids' music, Randy!Copy !req
215. It's pathetic!Copy !req
216. You know damn well
it sounds like crap to you too!Copy !req
217. - No, it doesn't sound
like crap to me!Copy !req
218. Ugh!Copy !req
219. - Randy, don't you see
what this is?Copy !req
220. You had dreams
of being a rock starCopy !req
221. when you were younger.Copy !req
222. Now you can't admit
the next generation's musicCopy !req
223. sounds shitty.Copy !req
224. It's called
getting older, Randy.Copy !req
225. It's okay!
- That's not true!Copy !req
226. I think tween-wave music
is complex and awesome,Copy !req
227. and it speaks to my youthful,
rebellious spirit, Sharon!Copy !req
228. - It's crap, Randy!Copy !req
229. It's so simple and stupid
that anybody could play it.Copy !req
230. - Anybody could play it?
Do you really think so?Copy !req
231. Hey, everybody!Copy !req
232. I want to thank you all
for coming tonight.Copy !req
233. My name's
Steamy Ray Vaughn,Copy !req
234. and here's a little bit
of rattlesnake.Copy !req
235. A one, two, three, four!Copy !req
236. - You suck!Copy !req
237. - No, you just don't
understand tween-waveCopy !req
238. 'cause you're old!Copy !req
239. - Did you know we're living
in the tween time?Copy !req
240. - Nah, I ain't heard that.Copy !req
241. - Guess it's the period
between 2009 and 2013.Copy !req
242. They call it the tweens.Copy !req
243. So they've got this feller
down at the bowling alley.Copy !req
244. He gets up on the stage
and shits his britches.Copy !req
245. - What for?Copy !req
246. - I don't know,
but he gets up there,Copy !req
247. strums a guitar,
and then startsCopy !req
248. loading his britches up
like it's going out of style.Copy !req
249. It's like some kind of
britches holocaust.Copy !req
250. Feller calls himself
Steamy Ray Vaughn.Copy !req
251. - You mean that guy
that plays the bluesCopy !req
252. and died
in an airplane crash?Copy !req
253. - No.
That's Stevie Ray Vaughn.Copy !req
254. Steamy Ray Vaughn
just shits his britches.Copy !req
255. - Oh, dude, sweet!
Tackle him.Copy !req
256. - Yeah!Copy !req
257. - All right, guys, you think
he's lying or telling the truth?Copy !req
258. - He's lying, dude.
Hit X.Copy !req
259. No, he's telling the truth!Copy !req
260. - Hey, guys.
- Hey, Stan.Copy !req
261. What did the doctor say?Copy !req
262. - He said I have cynicism.Copy !req
263. - What's that?Copy !req
264. - Something you can get
when you get older,Copy !req
265. but it's stupid.Copy !req
266. I'm not cynical.Copy !req
267. All the doctor wants
is a paycheck.Copy !req
268. I went to him for help,
and he just stood thereCopy !req
269. spouting a bunch of shit.Copy !req
270. - Oh, well, come on.
We're playing L.A. Noire.Copy !req
271. - Oh, that shitty game?Copy !req
272. Who plays video games to listen
to a bunch of characters talkCopy !req
273. and press the X button?Copy !req
274. - Oh, ask him about
the murder now, Kyle.Copy !req
275. - Yeah, we got him!Copy !req
276. - How can people say
this game is cool?Copy !req
277. It doesn't even matter
what choices you make.Copy !req
278. - We're gonna level up
to detective!Copy !req
279. - That's such a shitty device
to keep people playing.Copy !req
280. - All right, why don't we do
something else?Copy !req
281. - Aw, dude,
this looks like shit.Copy !req
282. - You don't want to eat it?Copy !req
283. - It just looks like shit
to me,Copy !req
284. bunch of processed,
gooey shit.Copy !req
285. - Looks like ice cream to me.Copy !req
286. - Okay, I know.
How about we go to the mall?Copy !req
287. - Ugh! A bunch of people trying
to sell us a bunch of shit.Copy !req
288. - Uh, okay, Stan,
what do you want to do?Copy !req
289. - What? Oh, I don't care.
I'm cool with whatever.Copy !req
290. - Lord!Copy !req
291. I ain't never seen britches
take a whuppin' like that.Copy !req
292. - I told you, them britches
don't stand a chance.Copy !req
293. Thank you.
Thank you so much.Copy !req
294. I'd like to bring up
a special guest now.Copy !req
295. The other night,
I was chattingCopy !req
296. in a tween-wave chat room,Copy !req
297. because I do love
tween-wave so much,Copy !req
298. and I started chatting
with this nice ladyCopy !req
299. who also really liked
her kids' tween-wave music.Copy !req
300. And turns out she's
a talented artist as well.Copy !req
301. Please welcome
Miss Steamy Nicks.Copy !req
302. - Thank you.
Thank you so much.Copy !req
303. - Wait.
Now, who's that lady?Copy !req
304. - That there's Steamy Nicks.Copy !req
305. - You mean that gal
who played for Fleetwood MacCopy !req
306. and wrote that song
Landslide?Copy !req
307. - No.
That's Stevie Nicks.Copy !req
308. Steamy Nicks just shits
her britches.Copy !req
309. - Who the hell
is that woman, Randy?Copy !req
310. What the hell
do you think you're doing?Copy !req
311. - I agree.Copy !req
312. Why don't you leave them
poor britches alone?Copy !req
313. - Them britches
have had enough.Copy !req
314. - All alone today?Copy !req
315. - Yeah, it sucks.Copy !req
316. All my friends
are sick with the flu.Copy !req
317. - Well,
what can I get you?Copy !req
318. - Do you have
anything on the menuCopy !req
319. that doesn't taste like shit?Copy !req
320. - A little young to be
so pessimistic, aren't you, kid?Copy !req
321. - Why?Copy !req
322. There's nothing but shit on TV,Copy !req
323. video games are all shit,
and the world's a big turd.Copy !req
324. The only thing that doesn't
seem like total shit to meCopy !req
325. are my friends,
and they're all sick.Copy !req
326. Just get me a cheeseburger,Copy !req
327. and tell the chef
to go easy on the shit.Copy !req
328. - I know!
That show's hilarious.Copy !req
329. - I thought you guys
were sick.Copy !req
330. - Uh, we'll let you
catch up to us, Kyle.Copy !req
331. Come on, Kenny.Copy !req
332. - Dude, you totally lied
to me!Copy !req
333. - No, I didn't lie to you.
I was on a-Copy !req
334. I felt better,
and then the guys called,Copy !req
335. said they felt better, and-Copy !req
336. - Where were
you guys going?Copy !req
337. - All right, dude, we were
going to the movies.Copy !req
338. - Why didn't you tell me?
I want to go to the movies.Copy !req
339. - Look, Stan, we just wanted
to be able to go to the moviesCopy !req
340. and enjoy ourselves,
you know?Copy !req
341. I'm sorry, but you're
a bummer to be around.Copy !req
342. Everything is,
"That looks like shit,"Copy !req
343. and, "This is shitty."Copy !req
344. - You guys don't want
to be around me?Copy !req
345. - Look, dude,
it's just one movie.Copy !req
346. We want to have a good time.Copy !req
347. - Please, Kyle, I can change
my attitude; I promise.Copy !req
348. Let me go
to the movies with you.Copy !req
349. Okay.Copy !req
350. But you gotta promise
to not complain.Copy !req
351. - I won't say a word.Copy !req
352. Oh, shit.Copy !req
353. Jesus, how long before they
start this goddamn thing?Copy !req
354. - Oh, cool.
Movie trailers!Copy !req
355. - Adam Sandler is Jack.Copy !req
356. Adam Sandler is Jill.Copy !req
357. - Oh, God!Copy !req
358. - Dude, you said
you wouldn't sayCopy !req
359. everything looks like shit.Copy !req
360. - Sorry if I see things
for what they are.Copy !req
361. Okay, okay, I'm sorry.Copy !req
362. - This November, Adam Sandler
shits in your eyes,Copy !req
363. ears and mouth.Copy !req
364. It's Adam Sandler in...Copy !req
365. Rated "ARG" for pirates.
Fuck you.Copy !req
366. - That looks pretty good.Copy !req
367. - How can you say
that looks good?Copy !req
368. - Shh!
You're doing it again.Copy !req
369. - Jim Carrey has a bunch
of turds in his apartment.Copy !req
370. - Ugh!Copy !req
371. - Stan, knock it off!
- But it's just crap!Copy !req
372. - No, they're penguins.
Stop it!Copy !req
373. - It's Jim Carrey inCopy !req
374. Whatever, You'll Pay
to Go See it, Fuck You.Copy !req
375. July 12th.Copy !req
376. The President of
the United States... is a duck?Copy !req
377. A duck is president,
and the whole countryCopy !req
378. is going to the dogs.Copy !req
379. Or whatever.
The president is a dog.Copy !req
380. Who cares?
Coming June something.Copy !req
381. - Oh, come on, people!
- That's it, Stan.Copy !req
382. I'm not sitting through
a whole movie with you.Copy !req
383. - Oh, dude, dude, wait,
I'm sorry!Copy !req
384. - No, Kyle's right.
You suck, dude.Copy !req
385. - Me?
Did you see that shit?Copy !req
386. Hang on, guys.Copy !req
387. - Dude, we don't want
to hang out with you anymore!Copy !req
388. Get it through your head!Copy !req
389. - Kyle?Copy !req
390. - Dude, you've-
you've changed.Copy !req
391. - I haven't changed.
The world has.Copy !req
392. Don't you see it?Copy !req
393. - No! And I don't want to.Copy !req
394. Look, Stan,
maybe we should just...Copy !req
395. - You don't get it, Sharon!
You never have!Copy !req
396. And that's supposed
to be my fault?Copy !req
397. - Yes, it is your fault, Randy,
because you're a child!Copy !req
398. - What do you suppose
is going on in there?Copy !req
399. - Sounds like
Steamy Ray VaughnCopy !req
400. is going at it with his wifeCopy !req
401. over Steamy Nicks.Copy !req
402. - You sure
you want to do this?Copy !req
403. - We've got to now.Copy !req
404. If they're fighting,Copy !req
405. it's our best chance
to save them britches.Copy !req
406. - You do this all the time!Copy !req
407. First, you're obsessed
with baseball fights!Copy !req
408. Then you need
to play Warcraft!Copy !req
409. Then you've gotta
be a celebrity chef!Copy !req
410. - Why can't you ever
just support me?Copy !req
411. - Support what?Copy !req
412. Another stupid
dream of yours?Copy !req
413. - Face it, Sharon,
our son turned ten,Copy !req
414. and you feel old.Copy !req
415. - What does our son
turning tenCopy !req
416. have to do with you
making the same mistakesCopy !req
417. again and again?Copy !req
418. - Because I'm unhappy, okay?Copy !req
419. I have been unhappy
for a long time!Copy !req
420. - I'm unhappy too.Copy !req
421. We both are, obviously.Copy !req
422. How much longer
can we keep doing this?Copy !req
423. It's like the same shit
just happens over and over,Copy !req
424. and then in a week,
it just all resetsCopy !req
425. until it happens again.Copy !req
426. Every week,
it's kind of the same storyCopy !req
427. in a different way,Copy !req
428. but it just keeps getting
more and more ridiculous.Copy !req
429. - Come on, britches,
we're setting you free.Copy !req
430. - I don't know if I've changed
or you have.Copy !req
431. I just feel like I might not
have a whole lot of time left,Copy !req
432. and I want to enjoy it.Copy !req
433. - I want to enjoy it too,Copy !req
434. but I can't fake it
anymore.Copy !req
435. You just seem
kind of shitty to me.Copy !req
436. - You kind of seem shitty
to me too.Copy !req
437. - People get older, Randy.Copy !req
438. People grow apart.Copy !req