South Park 15x6

1. - Hello, sir.

2. Postman Butters with a special delivery for you.

3. - What's this?

4. - An all-new sushi restaurant just opened in town.

5. Try their lunch specials. - Thanks.

6. - You can count on Postman Butters.

7. Special delivery, ma'am. Here you are, sir.

8. Brand-new sushi restaurant in town.

9. A flyer for you from Postman Butters.

10. Welcome to "Shitty" Wok.

11. Can I take a order, please?

12. - Hello, sir.

13. Postman Butters here with a special delivery for you.

14. - What you talking about?

15. - It's a coupon for a brand-new Asian restaurant

16. that just opened up in town.

17. - A what? Let me see that!

18. Oh, no! A sushi place?

19. How come every time a hardworking Chinese man

20. open a business, some smelly Japanese dog

21. has to come and try invade him?

22. - Uh, I don't know.

23. I'm just being paid to hand out flyers.

24. - Where is this Japanese toilet bowl?

25. How far from my City Wok?

26. - You mean the sushi restaurant?

27. It's right over there.

28. - What? What?

29. What the fuck?

30. Welcome to "Shitty" Sushi.

31. Can I take a order, please?

32. - What's the big idea putting your City Sushi

33. right next to my City Wok?

34. - I'm sorry.

35. I do not understand your accent.

36. You want City tuna roll?

37. - No, I don't want City tuna roll!

38. I want you to go find another shitty town

39. to open your shitty sushi place!

40. - Why don't you please just speak English?

41. Maybe I can understand you!

42. - I am speaking English!

43. Why don't you speak fucking English,

44. you soba-eating fuck?

45. - Get out, or I call police!

46. - Come on, kid.

47. You don't want to eat this City sushi.

48. It give you worms.

49. - Better than City kung pao chicken

50. made from cat!

51. - Hello.

52. - Sir, does this mailman belong to you?

53. - That's my son. Is there a problem, Officer?

54. - There's been an Asian turf war, sir,

55. and your son appears to have caused it.

56. - What? An Asian turf war?

57. Butters, you are grounded!

58. - But, sir, I was just handing out coupons for... -

59. - Don't talk back to me!

60. - We'll send a bill for the damages,

61. but in the meantime,

62. please keep a closer eye on your child, sir.

63. - Go up to your room, now!

64. - What's going on?

65. - Butters started an Asian turf war.

66. - Oh, for the love of Pete! What is wrong with that boy?

67. - I don't know, but it's clear it isn't our parenting.

68. We're awesome.

69. He must have mental problems.

70. I think we better have him checked out, Linda.

71. - Well, Dr. Janus?

72. - I'm afraid I have some bad news.

73. Your son is suffering from multiple personality disorder.

74. - What?

75. - There are several distinct personalities

76. going on in there.

77. One is named Postman Butters.

78. And yet another is Fireman Butters.

79. And then there's even Inspector Butters

80. and a Professor Chaos.

81. - Oh, my God!

82. - From what I gather, he seems to mostly

83. jump in and out of personalities

84. when he's outside playing.

85. Sometimes he's a cowboy,

86. and other times he's an Indian.

87. And the two seem to be at constant odds.

88. - Oh, poor Butters!

89. - Doctor, what can we do? Should we ground him?

90. - No, I don't think grounding him

91. would do much good at this point.

92. What your son needs now

93. is lots of tender loving medication,

94. heavy medication.

95. - Tom, a brand-new sushi place

96. has opened in South Park,

97. adding to our booming Asian district.

98. With the addition of the new Chinese restaurant,

99. townspeople are officially naming

100. this whole Chinatown area Little Tokyo.

101. - What the fuck?

102. You see what happened?

103. - I told you not to come in here!

104. - Now everyone in town think Chinese and Japanese

105. are the same fucking thing.

106. - I don't even know

107. what the fuck you are saying!

108. - Aah, you Japanese racist!

109. - Stephen! Stephen, come quick!

110. It's Butters!

111. Look.

112. - Honk, honk!

113. Breaker 1-9, breaker 1-9.

114. It's clean clear out to Flagtown.

115. Looks like we got ourselves a convoy.

116. Honk, honk!

117. - Now he thinks he's a truck driver.

118. - Oh, God, the medication isn't working!

119. - 10-4, good buddy.

120. You got a smokey on your tail,

121. but Big Rig Butters is here to help.

122. Vroom vroom!

123. - Butters! Butters! Butters!

124. - Oh, hey, Dad.

125. - You're back.

126. You're back! He's back!

127. I love you, son.

128. - I love you too, Dad.

129. - You're going to be okay, Butters.

130. Do you hear me?

131. You are going to be okay!

132. - You get out!

133. I told you not to come in here!

134. - Okay, whoa. Just hold a minute.

135. Hold a minute. I come in peace.

136. - I don't believe you!

137. - Come on, look.

138. All this fighting, it's just so silly, you know?

139. Chinese and Japanese

140. been fighting for so long, it's ridiculous.

141. What we need is to have a "tweety."

142. - What is a tweety?

143. - No, no, we need a "tweety."

144. - A tweety?

145. - No, not "tweety." A tweety!

146. - Oh, you mean a "tweety"?

147. - What the fuck is a tweety?

148. - No, no, a tweety!

149. - A "tweety"?

150. Look, look, all these racist people

151. think that Chinese and Japanese are the same, right?

152. So you and me, we put on a big assembly

153. for all the kids at the school,

154. and everyone understand the culture difference.

155. You know, so they know fried rice isn't from Japan

156. and teriyaki isn't from China.

157. - Teriyaki isn't from China?

158. - No, teriyaki is not from fucking China!

159. - Very well.

160. I will do assembly with you.

161. - Oh, really? Oh, great!

162. Okay, I'll meet you tomorrow. We can go over our plan.

163. And when you get to that assembly,

164. you're gonna get big surprise,

165. you Japanese dog.

166. - Butters, when you were playing in the yard yesterday,

167. do you remember becoming someone named

168. Big Rig Butters?

169. - Sure.

170. - What makes Big Rig Butters come out?

171. Did somebody hurt him?

172. Did he do something bad he can't forgive himself for?

173. - No, he's pretty much just a truck driver.

174. - You don't know.

175. But maybe somebody else in there does.

176. Do you think it would be possible for me

177. to speak with... Inspector Butters?

178. - Sure.

179. - I'm now speaking to the person

180. known as Inspector Butters.

181. - Inspector Butters is on the case.

182. This is fun!

183. - Inspector Butters, what do you want?

184. - Uh, to solve mysteries.

185. - And is there someone else living with you,

186. someone named...

187. Professor Chaos?

188. - Oh, well, sure.

189. He's the bringer of destruction and evil.

190. - He's a bad man.

191. He doesn't like Butters, does he?

192. Does Professor Chaos want to murder Butters?

193. - What? Why would I do that?

194. - Who am I speaking to now?

195. - Me, Butters.

196. - Ah, Butters, you're back.

197. - Sir, I'm confused. - I know you are.

198. This is going to sound scary, pal,

199. but you have people living inside your head,

200. and some of them want to murder you.

201. - Really?

202. - Yes, I'm afraid you're a little sick.

203. But it's okay, because together,

204. we're going to get you well.

205. Don't listen to Dr. Janus!

206. He's a mean old man and a big silly grown-up!

207. - Pardon me?

208. - He's just a big old stick-in-the-mud

209. who doesn't like to play.

210. Don't mind him, Butters.

211. Billy's a pretty messed up kid.

212. He was molested by his uncle, you see.

213. Dr. Janus isn't going to be alive for long.

214. I'm going to kill him!

215. Now, what are the things

216. that make you happy, Butters?

217. What's the matter, Butters? Are you still with us?

218. Is one of your other personalities

219. trying to take over?

220. Let's play "battleship"!

221. All hands on the poop deck!

222. Your soul will bleed for eternity.

223. You don't even know what sexy is, Mr. Harrison.

224. The horned toad says we should go to Mexico.

225. What are you feeling, Butters?

226. Are you nervous about your condition?

227. - Yes!

228. - This is Butters.

229. It's Wednesday night at 9:00 p.m.

230. From what I understand, there are people

231. living inside my head, and they want to kill me.

232. It must be true, because now every night I wet the bed.

233. So tonight I'm gonna leave the camera on

234. to see what exactly I become while I'm sleeping.

235. Oh, man, this is freaky,

236. like that movie Paranormal.

237. So good night for now.

238. Good night, Butters.

239. Hmm. All right.

240. I guess I'm gonna fast-forward.

241. Dr. Janus?

242. Mom, Dad! I wet the bed again!

243. Oh, sweet jumpin' Jesus!

244. - Okay, kids,

245. today we have a special assembly, m'kay.

246. We're going to learn about the diversity of Asian people.

247. Please welcome Mr. Lu Kim and Mr. Junichi Takayama.

248. - Shake that.

249. - Ni hao ma, South Park Elementary!

250. - Konichiwa!

251. - How we all feeling?

252. Hey, Mr. Takayama,

253. did you know China and Japan

254. are actually different countries?

255. - Oh, really? Hey, that's right.

256. If you look at map, you can see.

257. - This whole thing is China,

258. and Japan is this little bitty country over here.

259. And that's why the Japanese

260. always try and take over China!

261. - What?

262. - The Japanese rape and kill people in Nanking!

263. The only thing Japanese love more than killing people

264. is killing themselves.

265. Suicide rate in Japan sky high.

266. - Fuck you!

267. - Oh, no, I'm Japanese, and I had a bad day!

268. I think I'm gonna kill myself.

269. - Oh, hello, Butters.

270. I wasn't expecting you until 5:30.

271. - Uh, yeah, Dr. Janus,

272. I wanted to give you something.

273. You remember how you told me if I got myself on video,

274. it might help me with my problem?

275. - Yes, did you catch something?

276. - Well, yeah, I saw you pissing in my face.

277. - Oh, so you're onto me, huh, you little shit?

278. - Huh?

279. - What, Inspector Butters figured out I set him up?

280. - Well, no, I just thought

281. it was one of your other personalities trying to-

282. - Oh, come on!

283. You think multiple personality disorder is real?

284. I've been using that to scam this town for seven years.

285. Now I gotta get out of here, thanks to you.

286. But I'm getting one last heist before I go,

287. and you're gonna help me!

288. Get in there! Move it, asshole!

289. - This is illegal. We could get arrested.

290. Oh, Jesus!

291. - They're all idiots.

292. The vault! Get to the vault!

293. Come on, go. Move it!

294. Get this on and get in that vault!

295. That's where the real goods are.

296. Torch that door. Do you hear me?

297. I'll kill your parents! I'll kill your friends!

298. I said get that fucking door open!

299. - I'm trying, sir!

300. - Butters?

301. Butters, what are you doing?

302. What is that, a blowtorch? Put that down.

303. You're having another episode.

304. - What?

305. - Butters. Your name is Butters.

306. Try and remember.

307. - But you said to- but I got to... you told me to-

308. - Oh, boy.

309. You've really done it this time.

310. I know it's not your fault, but I'm sorry,

311. I'm going to have to alert the authorities, pal.

312. You have to try and understand

313. that he can't help what he's doing, officer.

314. He probably has no memory of it at all.

315. - Well, at least everything is accounted for.

316. Thank God you came when you did, Dr. Janus.

317. - Breaking into a store, Butters?

318. What are you?

319. - Well, I suppose there's no need for jail,

320. Mr. And Mrs. Stotch,

321. so long as you ground your son.

322. - Oh, we'll ground the shit out of him, Detective.

323. Thank you so much.

324. - Uh, hello.

325. - You get the fuck out of my place!

326. - Okay, hold on. Hold on, please.

327. I'm sorry, okay, I sorry.

328. I admit it, I fucked you at the assembly.

329. How about you and me together

330. do an Asian diversity festival.

331. - Get the fuck out before I call police!

332. - Please, I admitting it, okay?

333. I fucked you at assembly.

334. There's no way around it. It was very sneaky.

335. Kind of like Pearl Harbor, okay?

336. That was a little sneaky too, huh?

337. Pearl Harbor kind of sneaky.

338. I think we can all be a little sneaky sometime.

339. Hmm?

340. But that sneaky Chinese man, he's gone.

341. Okay?

342. Okay, if we can have a Asian diversity festival,

343. then we no longer have to deal

344. with racial stereotypes.

345. Please.

346. - Against my better judgment,

347. I will trust you one more time.

348. But this time, you better not rub your hands together

349. when you turn around to walk away.

350. - Okay. See you tomorrow.

351. And at that Asian diversity day,

352. you're gonna get a little surprise,

353. you Japanese dog.

354. - That does it. You hear me?

355. I am through with all of you.

356. No more Postman Butters, no more Inspector Butters,

357. no more porn star Butters, no more Professor Chaos,

358. and no more-

359. Aah!

360. Butters, please.

361. It's me, Billy. You gotta help!

362. Please, Butters.

363. I've tried to tell ol' Dr. Janus that we're in danger,

364. but Dr. Janus doesn't realize there's a problem.

365. The mean man that lives in our head

366. is trying to take over for good.

367. - Um, excuse me!

368. - No, no, no, no, no! Don't call out for help.

369. He's got a gun.

370. - Waah!

371. - If you draw any attention, he'll kill us.

372. - Please, Billy, I'm just a kid too.

373. I can't help you.

374. - No, you can't,

375. but you know somebody who can.

376. Inspector Butters.

377. - What?

378. - You've got to become Inspector Butters again

379. and help me find out what the mean man wants.

380. - No!

381. You told me not to play Inspector Butters.

382. - You don't understand.

383. For some reason, the mean man is getting stronger.

384. You have to help me find out how to stop him.

385. Please!

386. - Tom, I'm standing in the heart

387. of South Park's Little Tokyo,

388. where the multitude of our town's Chinese

389. are putting on a festival.

390. Both of them have gone all out

391. to celebrate Asian culture.

392. The owner of Shitty Wok has actually paid

393. for what he calls a tower of peace

394. to symbolize harmony between the two restaurants.

395. - Mr. Takayama, a note for you.

396. - "Konichiwa, my fine Japanese friend.

397. "It's so great that Chinese and Japanese

398. "are finally getting along.

399. "We should take our picture together

400. "on top of the tower of peace.

401. "I'm up there waiting for you now.

402. "Please, come meet me on top of the tower of peace.

403. "It will be really nice.

404. "Yes, and when you get to the top of that tower,

405. "you're going to get a little surprise,

406. "you Japanese... - oh, sorry.

407. Anyway, see you on top of tower."

408. Dr. Janus sure has

409. a big house, doesn't he?

410. He's planning on hurting people; I just know it.

411. - It's okay, Billy.

412. We're gonna get to the bottom of this.

413. - This is kind of fun.

414. You're Inspector Butters, and I'm your faithful assistant,

415. Dr. Watson.

416. - All right, Watson.

417. Well, let's find out what we need to

418. and get out of here.

419. - Yeah.

420. Butters, what are you doing in my house?

421. - Huh?

422. - Oh, dear. It's okay, Butters.

423. You just think you're Inspector Butters right now.

424. - Oh, man.

425. - Come on, let's get you home.

426. Where you going, Butters?

427. - Oh, come on!

428. - You aren't leaving here, Inspector.

429. None of you are!

430. - Aah!

431. Butters, come on.

432. Try and come back to us.

433. You can't run forever!

434. Excuse me, did someone order a pizza?

435. Yes, that was me,

436. but I'm a little busy at the moment.

437. I'll be right back.

438. You'll never turn me in, Inspector Butters!

439. You're dead! - Aah!

440. Unh!

441. - They wanna take over my City Wok!

442. Holy crap, what time is it?

443. Oh, no, I'm late!

444. - What took you so long?

445. - Yes, I'm afraid my tower of peace

446. was a little bit of trickery, Mr. Japanese dog.

447. I'm going to put an end to you,

448. and everyone gonna think it's just because

449. you did what Japanese people love doing most.

450. No, don't do it! Don't kill yourself, please!

451. - Oh! Fuck you! I'm not trying to kill myself.

452. - No, don't do it, please! So much to live for!

453. - This is South Park Police!

454. - Police? How?

455. - We know the truth, Dr. Janus.

456. - This Chinese rat trying to kill me.

457. - He's not Chinese. He's white.

458. - What the fuck you talking about?

459. - Your name is Dr. Janus.

460. - You people crazy!

461. Listen to them, it's true!

462. Truth hurts, doesn't it, Janus.

463. Who are you people?

464. Why are you all here?

465. - How could I let myself believe

466. white man was a Chinese?

467. I have brought shame upon myself!

468. Aah!

469. No! This is racial stereotype!

470. - So you're telling us that Dr. Janus

471. has been the owner of City Wok all this time?

472. - That's right.

473. Of all his multiple personalities,

474. the strongest was Lu Kim,

475. and we never would have known

476. if it hadn't have been for Inspector Butters.

477. - Thanks.

478. I'm just glad the whole thing is over and done.

479. Maybe now poor ol' Dr. Janus

480. can finally get the help he needs.

481. - Yes, Butters, thanks to you

482. maybe Dr. Janus can get back to his real self.

483. - Yes, I'm sure he could.

484. But then again...

485. does the world really need another therapist?

486. - What do you mean?

487. - Well, I mean, would it really be so bad for us

488. to just let him go on thinking

489. he's Lu Kim forever?

490. Now that City Sushi is gone,

491. City Wok is the only Chinese restaurant left in town.

492. - Oh, yeah. - Yeah!

493. Let's just let him keep believing he's a Chinese man.

494. - Done. - Good!

495. - All right!

496. - Detective, he's asking for a blanket.

497. Is that all right? - Go ahead.

498. We're gonna process him

499. and get him back to the restaurant.

500. - Thank you.

501. Ooh, I hate Japanese people.

502. They try and shut down my City Wok.

503. But they never will.

504. They're probably all watching me, the Japanese.

505. Let them.

506. I'm not even gonna swat that fly.

507. They'll see.

508. And they'll say, "Wow, that City Wok owner,

509. why, he wouldn't even harm a fly."