1. - His name is Tooth Decay.Copy !req
2. - Where is Tooth Decay?Copy !req
3. Tooth Decay,
that's your cue!Copy !req
4. - He's not here.Copy !req
5. - What do you mean,
he's not here?Copy !req
6. - He's at home
watching the royal wedding.Copy !req
7. - The what?Copy !req
8. - He said
he had to watch it.Copy !req
9. - Is this some kind of joke?Copy !req
10. We are two weeks
into tech rehearsals!Copy !req
11. Who the heck
would sit at homeCopy !req
12. watching the royal wedding?Copy !req
13. - It is a glorious
spring morning,Copy !req
14. and literally thousands
have gatheredCopy !req
15. for the royal wedding.Copy !req
16. People are still filing
inside the abbeyCopy !req
17. to watch the prince
and princess of CanadaCopy !req
18. exchange their vows.Copy !req
19. What a great day
for Canadians everywhere.Copy !req
20. The Winnipeg Drummers playing
the March of a Thousand Farts,Copy !req
21. as is traditional
for the Canadian Royal Family.Copy !req
22. All the biggest Canadian
celebrities are on hand.Copy !req
23. There are
Sirs Terrance and Phillip,Copy !req
24. with their wives,
the lovely Queef sisters.Copy !req
25. - I believe... yes, I believe
one of the sistersCopy !req
26. just queefed just now.Copy !req
27. There are
Canadian recording artistsCopy !req
28. Sir Brian Adams
and Sir Corey Hart.Copy !req
29. Everyone looking
smashing today.Copy !req
30. And there he is,
the prince of Canada.Copy !req
31. What a wonderful day
it is for him.Copy !req
32. What a wonderful day it is
for all of us.Copy !req
33. Inside the abbey now,
everyone waitingCopy !req
34. with anticipation.Copy !req
35. There's the queen of Canada,
in attendance, of course.Copy !req
36. - I believe she just queefed.Copy !req
37. - The prince makes his way
down the aisle,Copy !req
38. led by the Bishop
of Newfoundland.Copy !req
39. People in attendance
now gently tossingCopy !req
40. Cap'n Crunch
as the prince passes by,Copy !req
41. as, of course,
is tradition.Copy !req
42. The prince takes his placeCopy !req
43. next to the large vat
of butterscotch pudding.Copy !req
44. Oh, and here she comes!
Yes, there she is!Copy !req
45. The aboot-to-be
princess of Canada.Copy !req
46. Isn't she ravishing?Copy !req
47. So pure of heart,Copy !req
48. so strong in body,
so hot in the face.Copy !req
49. She is indeed the living
symbol of our great country.Copy !req
50. My God, she's beautiful.Copy !req
51. Princess! Princess!Copy !req
52. - The Canadian prince
is now dipping his armsCopy !req
53. into the pudding,
as is tradition.Copy !req
54. The princess will, of course,
scrape the puddingCopy !req
55. off the Prince's arms,
thus symbolizing their union.Copy !req
56. What a glorious day for our
country and, indeed, the world.Copy !req
57. And now, of course, the... -
wait a minute, what's this?Copy !req
58. Oh-uh-oh! Something is
going terribly wrong!Copy !req
59. The abbey shaking violently
as explosions abound.Copy !req
60. The top... yes, the top
of the abbey is collapsing.Copy !req
61. The prince and the princess
look on in horror.Copy !req
62. This is not the tradition.Copy !req
63. This is not tradition
at all.Copy !req
64. A giant hole now blasted
into the ceiling,Copy !req
65. debris falling down
and crushingCopy !req
66. several spectators,
which is also not the traditionCopy !req
67. for a royal Canadian wedding.Copy !req
68. Bright beam of lightCopy !req
69. shooting through the hole
in the ceiling.Copy !req
70. The princess now in some kind
of isometric cube.Copy !req
71. This is certainly breaking
with tradition now.Copy !req
72. - No! No!Copy !req
73. - Canadians in attendance
cannot believe their eyes.Copy !req
74. Widespread panic.Copy !req
75. The princess being
hoisted away.Copy !req
76. The little mushroom people
of Nova ScotiaCopy !req
77. screaming with horror.Copy !req
78. The prince is attempting
to grab hold of the cube.Copy !req
79. The duke and duchess
of CalgaryCopy !req
80. hiding behind the pews.Copy !req
81. This is indeed a horrible day
for all of Canada,Copy !req
82. and therefore... - and the pudding
has just been knocked over!Copy !req
83. Oh, this does not go
with tradition at all.Copy !req
84. The royal pudding now spilling
all over the abbeyCopy !req
85. as the princess is
lifted up... up...Copy !req
86. And she's gone.Copy !req
87. The princess has been taken.Copy !req
88. This is indeed
a horrible day for CanadaCopy !req
89. and, therefore,
the rest of the world.Copy !req
90. - His name's Tooth Decay!Copy !req
91. - Oh, no!
It's Tooth Decay!Copy !req
92. - He's gonna get us!Copy !req
93. - No, No, Tooth Decay.Copy !req
94. Your character
is supposed to beCopy !req
95. mean and nasty, mkay,
not crying.Copy !req
96. - No, no.
See, Tooth DecayCopy !req
97. can't be sad until Toothbrush
and Dental FlossCopy !req
98. have gotten rid of him.Copy !req
99. You can't just start
already sad.Copy !req
100. There's nowhere to go,
you see.Copy !req
101. There's no arc, mkay?Copy !req
102. - Oh, for cryin' out loud!Copy !req
103. All right, all right,
Tooth Decay!Copy !req
104. You just go home
and sort yourself out!Copy !req
105. The rest of us will rehearse
the finale again.Copy !req
106. And you better come back
tomorrowCopy !req
107. with a different attitude,
Tooth Decay, mkay?Copy !req
108. - The tornado was said to be
the deadliest in 56 years.Copy !req
109. In other news,
it's been 24 hours now,Copy !req
110. and the princess of Canada
is still missing.Copy !req
111. All of Canada is in mourningCopy !req
112. as nationwide
suicides abound.Copy !req
113. - The princess is gone!Copy !req
114. Aah!Copy !req
115. - Aaggghh!Copy !req
116. - The princess is gone!Copy !req
117. - Aah! Aah!Copy !req
118. - A massive candlelight vigil
was held last night,Copy !req
119. led by
the Canadian band Rush.Copy !req
120. - The Prince of Canada
has said that-Copy !req
121. We have just received
breaking newsCopy !req
122. that the Canadian government
now knowsCopy !req
123. who took the princess.Copy !req
124. The Canadian prime minister
is instructingCopy !req
125. all people of Canadian decentCopy !req
126. to go home
and "open their box of faith."Copy !req
127. Box of faith?
What the fuck is that?Copy !req
128. - Hello, there, my noble,
strong fellow Canadian.Copy !req
129. If you are watching
this filmstrip,Copy !req
130. then no doubt,
Canada is in grave danger.Copy !req
131. As you know,
the very heart of CanadaCopy !req
132. is the royal family.Copy !req
133. If you have been ordered
to open your box of faith,Copy !req
134. then one or more of the
royal family must be in peril,Copy !req
135. or else you just opened
your box of faithCopy !req
136. and are watching this
without being told to,Copy !req
137. in which case,
you are a dick.Copy !req
138. If you have indeed been
instructed to open the box,Copy !req
139. then this is a call to arms.Copy !req
140. All Canadians
in fighting conditionCopy !req
141. are asked to meet
by the tree in Edmonton.Copy !req
142. In your box of faith,Copy !req
143. you will find
all the items you need:Copy !req
144. A location beacon,
a first aid kit,Copy !req
145. and a sandwich.Copy !req
146. You may eat the sandwich now.Copy !req
147. Good luck, Canadian citizen,
and God help.Copy !req
148. All of Canada
is relying on you.Copy !req
149. - Where are you going?Copy !req
150. Ike, where are you going?Copy !req
151. - I got to get to CanadaCopy !req
152. and... - and join the armiesCopy !req
153. and save the princess.Copy !req
154. - Whereas salagadoola
mechika boola equals XCopy !req
155. and bibbidy bobbidy boo
is Y,Copy !req
156. put 'em together,
and what have you got?Copy !req
157. Bibbidy bobbidy boo,
X plus Y equals Y.Copy !req
158. X equals zero.
The song is badly written.Copy !req
159. Second verse, X plus YCopy !req
160. equals bibbidy bobbidy cubed
plus the boo.Copy !req
161. - Kyle Broflovski!Copy !req
162. Do you mind telling me
where your brother is?Copy !req
163. - I don't know.Copy !req
164. - How am I supposed
to do a play, mkay,Copy !req
165. teaching students
about the importanceCopy !req
166. of dental hygiene
without Tooth Decay?Copy !req
167. We have two more days
of tech,Copy !req
168. and then previews
start on Monday.Copy !req
169. What am I supposed
to do, Kyle?Copy !req
170. You tell me!Copy !req
171. - Well, couldn't you,
you know,Copy !req
172. just get rid
of the part of Tooth Decay?Copy !req
173. - Getting rid of Tooth DecayCopy !req
174. is what I'm trying
to fuckin' do!Copy !req
175. - He's your brother,
Kyle Broflovski, mkay!Copy !req
176. How are you
going to fix this?Copy !req
177. - Hey.
Hey, there!Copy !req
178. You going
to Canada too?Copy !req
179. What am I saying?Copy !req
180. Of course
you're going to Canada.Copy !req
181. You're Canadian,
sure enough.Copy !req
182. Opened your box of faith,
did you? Me too.Copy !req
183. They can't take our princess
and get away with it!Copy !req
184. Mind if I sit down?Copy !req
185. Soon as I heard the call,
there was no questionCopy !req
186. I was gonna sign up.Copy !req
187. Didn't care
how far away I was;Copy !req
188. I was gonna get to that rally
point at the tree in Edmonton.Copy !req
189. Didn't know other Canadians
living here in the U.S.Copy !req
190. I'm from Toronto originally,
but everywhere I went,Copy !req
191. people were terrified
by my disfigurement.Copy !req
192. I have to wear
this bag on my headCopy !req
193. because I'm hideously ugly.Copy !req
194. Had to move here
to the United States.Copy !req
195. Here, people don't think
I look ugly.Copy !req
196. They just think
I look Canadian.Copy !req
197. The name's Ugly Bob.Copy !req
198. - Hold it! Hold it!
Stop!Copy !req
199. What the fuck was that?Copy !req
200. - I'm just doing the lines.Copy !req
201. - The audience is supposed
to feel scaredCopy !req
202. of Tooth Decay, Kyle,
mkay?Copy !req
203. If Tooth Decay
has no believability,Copy !req
204. then Toothbrush
and Dental FlossCopy !req
205. have nothing
to play against!Copy !req
206. - I'm trying, Mr. Mackey;
I really am.Copy !req
207. - Oh, you're tryin'?Copy !req
208. You call rolling
your fat ass out on the stageCopy !req
209. and lazily
blurting out your linesCopy !req
210. like a turtle
taking a shit...Copy !req
211. you call that trying?Copy !req
212. This play is supposed to change
how people think, Kyle!Copy !req
213. Get it fuckin' right!Copy !req
214. Just pick it up
from there.Copy !req
215. - Brave Canadians!Copy !req
216. You have answered the call,Copy !req
217. and now we must face
our greatest foe.Copy !req
218. The princess
has been kidnapped,Copy !req
219. and we believe this to be
the work of... the giant!Copy !req
220. - Ooh, the giant!
The giant, that's not good.Copy !req
221. - We are attempting
to attract the giant nowCopy !req
222. with a bowl
of Kraft Dinner.Copy !req
223. When the giant arrives,Copy !req
224. we will attack him
with our guns,Copy !req
225. our swords, our-Copy !req
226. - Fee fi fo fum!Copy !req
227. I smell Kraft Dinner.Copy !req
228. - It's the giant!
- Scott!Copy !req
229. - Give us back
the princess, Scott!Copy !req
230. - You fart-loving
tricksters!Copy !req
231. I'll take care of all of you!Copy !req
232. - You're a dick, Scott!Copy !req
233. You have always been a dick.Copy !req
234. And then you got radiation
poisoning in Ottawa,Copy !req
235. and now you're a giant dick.Copy !req
236. - No! You all kept
calling me a dick,Copy !req
237. and so then that turned me
into a dick!Copy !req
238. And then I got radiation
poisoning in Ottawa,Copy !req
239. and now I'm a giant dick.Copy !req
240. - Just hand over
the princess of Canada!Copy !req
241. - Why would I take
the princess of Canada?Copy !req
242. - Because you're a giant dick?Copy !req
243. - I'm also the biggest
Canadian patriot of all of you.Copy !req
244. You know that I would
never harm the royal family!Copy !req
245. - Aw, crap.Copy !req
246. Sorry, everyone, looks like
we had some bad intel.Copy !req
247. Return to your homes.Copy !req
248. - All right, let's go.Copy !req
249. - I guess we did all we could.
Come on.Copy !req
250. - Well, at least we tried.Copy !req
251. I guess the princess
is gone for good, eh?Copy !req
252. - What is wrong
with you people?Copy !req
253. It is perfectly obvious
who took the princess.Copy !req
254. I might be a giant,Copy !req
255. but there's one threat
to Canada bigger than me!Copy !req
256. - Who?
- The Native Canadians!Copy !req
257. - The Native Canadians?Copy !req
258. - There, you see that?Copy !req
259. Goddamn Native Canadians.Copy !req
260. Think they run the world.Copy !req
261. - Fart-loving Eskimos.Copy !req
262. I'm sure they've taken
the princess.Copy !req
263. Just look at them.Copy !req
264. Loudmouth,
self-centered assholes.Copy !req
265. - Let's get 'em!
Let's fuck 'em up!Copy !req
266. What?Copy !req
267. You're looking at meCopy !req
268. like I'm some kind
of Eskimo racist.Copy !req
269. Well, I'm not!
Think aboot it!Copy !req
270. Before the noble
white man arrived,Copy !req
271. Canada was populated
with these snow monkeys.Copy !req
272. Who else would be pissed of
enough at CanadaCopy !req
273. to kidnap our royalty?Copy !req
274. Oh, shit!Copy !req
275. - Okay,
in 15 fuckin' minutes,Copy !req
276. you all are not gonna care
about this anymore,Copy !req
277. so I'll just say
what I need to say.Copy !req
278. That was the worst rehearsal
we have ever had.Copy !req
279. We are two days away
from opening,Copy !req
280. and you're all
fuckin' around!Copy !req
281. - That's because
Tooth Decay sucks.Copy !req
282. - Yeah!
- It's all Tooth Decay's fault.Copy !req
283. - Oh, don't put this
all on Tooth Decay!Copy !req
284. Let me tell you something,
Dental Floss.Copy !req
285. You're not as good
as you fuckin' think you are!Copy !req
286. You're already acting
like you're a star,Copy !req
287. and we haven't even
opened yet!Copy !req
288. Open your fuckin' eyes,
Dental Floss.Copy !req
289. You're about
to blow your shot!Copy !req
290. Ohh!Copy !req
291. - He says that the taking
of the princess was foretold.Copy !req
292. - He says Eskimos
do hate us Canadians,Copy !req
293. but that there is an even bigger
threat to CanadaCopy !req
294. who has the princess.Copy !req
295. - He said the evil
that took herCopy !req
296. wasn't Canadian at all
but a beastCopy !req
297. who preys upon people
of all nationalities!Copy !req
298. They can lead us
to the beast,Copy !req
299. but we will have
to destroy it!Copy !req
300. - I don't know what
the goddamn problem is.Copy !req
301. Maybe you all don't know
how serious tooth decay is.Copy !req
302. Maybe you all
just don't give a fuck.Copy !req
303. You all probably think you can
live your lives cavity free,Copy !req
304. mkay,
never giving two shitsCopy !req
305. about the plaque
that's building on your teeth.Copy !req
306. Kyle, you have
single-handedly destroyedCopy !req
307. all that which I worked onCopy !req
308. for the past six years.Copy !req
309. And so I want you
to know, Kyle,Copy !req
310. once and for all,Copy !req
311. why this whole
dental hygiene thingCopy !req
312. is so important to me.Copy !req
313. Two years ago...Copy !req
314. I lost my father
to tooth decay.Copy !req
315. Mkay?Copy !req
316. He was an intelligent,
hardworking man,Copy !req
317. and my whole family watched
as tooth decayCopy !req
318. took him
in the blink of an eye!Copy !req
319. You've been told to brush
and to floss,Copy !req
320. but do you really know
the importance behind it?Copy !req
321. Do you?Copy !req
322. - This is stupid!Copy !req
323. I'm telling you,
you're making a mistake, kid!Copy !req
324. - Aw, leave the kid alone,
Scott.Copy !req
325. - Well, what are we doing
following this ice beaner?Copy !req
326. We've been walking around
for hours!Copy !req
327. - Don't worry.Copy !req
328. If there's one thing
Eskimos are good at,Copy !req
329. it's finding things.Copy !req
330. - Eskimos are good
for nothing.Copy !req
331. I paid one to give me
a blow job once.Copy !req
332. All she did was rub her nose
against my penisCopy !req
333. for 45 seconds,
then asked me to pay her.Copy !req
334. Goddamn polar gooks.Copy !req
335. - Stop being a dick, Scott!Copy !req
336. - Oh, so now I'm a dick?Copy !req
337. - Wait a minute!
Look!Copy !req
338. - Aah!Copy !req
339. - It's the princess!Copy !req
340. - Princess!Copy !req
341. - Flat! You're flat!Copy !req
342. - There!Copy !req
343. - Please, save me!Copy !req
344. You have to hurry.
It wants to kill me!Copy !req
345. - Who took you, Princess?Copy !req
346. - I should have listened.Copy !req
347. I didn't believe
it was real.Copy !req
348. Oh, God!
It's behind you!Copy !req
349. - Of course!
The evil Atok-Atuk!Copy !req
350. The dark lord that takes
from all nationalities.Copy !req
351. It's... Tooth Decay!Copy !req
352. - I am Tooth Decay!Copy !req
353. Your teeth shall be mine!Copy !req
354. - I should have always
brushed and flossedCopy !req
355. and avoided sweets!Copy !req
356. - Fart-loving Tooth Decay!
I'll fix you!Copy !req
357. Aah! Unh!Copy !req
358. Unh! Aah!Copy !req
359. - Save me!
Save me!Copy !req
360. - It's coming for me!
Help! Help!Copy !req
361. - Princess, look away!Copy !req
362. - What the-Copy !req
363. You did it, kid!Copy !req
364. - Oh, thank you!
Thank you!Copy !req
365. - I want you all to takeCopy !req
366. a serious fuckin' look
at yourselves!Copy !req
367. Mkay?Copy !req
368. Act one was pure
fuckin' dog shit!Copy !req
369. If Tooth Decay
is singing flat,Copy !req
370. then the whole fuckin' thing
sounds flat!Copy !req
371. Mkay?Copy !req
372. - Mr. Mackey!
Mr. Mackey!Copy !req
373. We are putting a stop
to this play.Copy !req
374. It's over.Copy !req
375. - What? Why?Copy !req
376. Don't worry.
Act two will be better.Copy !req
377. These kids just aren't
listening to me.Copy !req
378. - No, it's over.Copy !req
379. They got him, Mr. Mackey.Copy !req
380. Tooth Decay.
They got the son of a bitch.Copy !req
381. - What?Copy !req
382. - Up in the Yukon.Copy !req
383. All bureaus
are confirming it.Copy !req
384. - You can let it go, Mackey.Copy !req
385. Tooth Decay is gone.Copy !req
386. Oh!Copy !req
387. Oh, God!Copy !req
388. Go on home, kids, mkay.Copy !req
389. It's over.Copy !req
390. - What?Copy !req
391. - The princess now giving
the Canadian Medal of CourageCopy !req
392. to Ugly Bob.Copy !req
393. And also to Scott, who is,
of course, a giant dick.Copy !req
394. And Katook-Took of the Yukon.Copy !req
395. And the medal, of course,
made of white chocolate,Copy !req
396. as is tradition.Copy !req
397. What a glorious day for Canada
and, therefore, the world.Copy !req
398. - The duke of Calgary,
standing upCopy !req
399. and putting on a fake beard.Copy !req
400. A tradition passed down
since the birth of Canada.Copy !req
401. The princess now knighting
Sir lke Broflovski,Copy !req
402. giving him three kisses
and a pair of socks,Copy !req
403. as is tradition.Copy !req
404. - I mean, come on, guys.
That's pretty cool, right?Copy !req
405. My little brother
is a knight in Canada.Copy !req
406. - My sister is a den leader
in Girl Scouts.Copy !req
407. - My uncle's
the second in lineCopy !req
408. to be manager
at Gart Brothers.Copy !req
409. - Hmm, yeah.Copy !req
410. - And now the scraping off
of the pudding.Copy !req
411. Isn't she beautiful,
scraping off the puddingCopy !req
412. with the grace
of a butterfly.Copy !req
413. She rubs the pudding
on her face.Copy !req
414. The prince now attempting
to removeCopy !req
415. one of the princess' arms.Copy !req
416. As is, of course,
the tradition.Copy !req
417. The princess screaming
with pain.Copy !req
418. Everyone watching
with anticipation.Copy !req
419. And the arm is off!Copy !req
420. Things are back to normal
here in Canada.Copy !req
421. The time honored traditions
are once again-Copy !req
422. yes, the prince is sticking
the princess' arm up his ass.Copy !req
423. There it goes.Copy !req
424. He's really making
a good go of it.Copy !req
425. What a wonderful day
for CanadaCopy !req
426. and, therefore, of course,
the world.Copy !req