1. ? i'm goin'
down to south park?Copy !req
2. ? gonna have myself a time?Copy !req
3. ? friendly faces everywhere?Copy !req
4. ? humble folks
without temptation?Copy !req
5. ? i'm goin'
down to south park?Copy !req
6. ? gonna leave my woes behind?Copy !req
7. ? ample parking day or night,
people spouting howdy neighbor?Copy !req
8. ? headin' on up to south park,
gonna see if i can't unwind?Copy !req
9. ?Copy !req
10. ? come on down to south park
and meet some friends of mine?Copy !req
11. - Hey, everybody!
How's it going?Copy !req
12. I just...
i just can't seem to stop.Copy !req
13. Hey, you!
You goin' swimming?Copy !req
14. Don't forget to bring a towel!Copy !req
15. Get out of my face!Copy !req
16. Get out of here!Copy !req
17. My name is towelie.Copy !req
18. T-o-w-e-l...Copy !req
19. y-e-y.Copy !req
20. I'm great
at cleaning up spills.Copy !req
21. And i'm 100%
machine washable.Copy !req
22. I'm just an ordinary towel
in a lot of ways.Copy !req
23. Except for one.Copy !req
24. I'm addicted to marijuana.Copy !req
25. And crystal meth.Copy !req
26. And crack.Copy !req
27. Anybody want
their dick sucked?Copy !req
28. Does anybody want their dick
sucked by a towel?Copy !req
29. - Towelie has become a complete
nightmare in our town.Copy !req
30. He's broken into my house twice
and stolen my allowance.Copy !req
31. I've got almost nothing left.Copy !req
32. - If we're playing outside,
he shows up completely wastedCopy !req
33. and screaming how the government
is following him.Copy !req
34. - l-i just
don't want to watch himCopy !req
35. kill himself!Copy !req
36. I don't even know
who he is anymore!Copy !req
37. - There's is no doubt
in my mindCopy !req
38. that if we don't get
towelie help,Copy !req
39. our entire summer
is gonna be ruined.Copy !req
40. - Are you ready
for the summer?Copy !req
41. Are you ready
for the sunshine?Copy !req
42. Are you ready
for the birds and beesCopy !req
43. the apple treesCopy !req
44. and a whole lot
of fooling aroundCopy !req
45. - oh, boy, timmy!Copy !req
46. It's our favorite
time of year.Copy !req
47. - Timmy!Copy !req
48. - We get to see
all our old friends again!Copy !req
49. Hey, there's francis!
Hey, francis!Copy !req
50. - Hey, jimmy!
Hey, tim!Copy !req
51. - Timmy!Copy !req
52. - Wow!
Look at lenora, everyone!Copy !req
53. Good job! Come on!
Good job, lenora!Copy !req
54. All right, good.
Let's get lenora a towel.Copy !req
55. - Brr!Copy !req
56. - Come on,
where's the towel?Copy !req
57. - The towel isn't here.Copy !req
58. I think it's off
getting high again.Copy !req
59. - Hey! Where's that towel?Copy !req
60. - Oh, yeah, just a sec!Copy !req
61. - We went out
and got towelie a jobCopy !req
62. so he could try
and pays us backCopy !req
63. all the money he owes us.Copy !req
64. Stupid towel.Copy !req
65. - What's going on, towel?Copy !req
66. - Oh, yeah,
just had to take a piss.Copy !req
67. Sorry.Copy !req
68. - We got wet campers
down there.Copy !req
69. Move your ass!Copy !req
70. - When towelie
is doing heroin,Copy !req
71. he doesn't care
about anything.Copy !req
72. - I don't care
about anything.Copy !req
73. Stupid... handicap... camp.Copy !req
74. - All right, blue team.Copy !req
75. As team captain,
i need to make sureCopy !req
76. we are ready
for the big camp competition!Copy !req
77. - Oh, we're weady, awight!Copy !req
78. We can weally stick it to the
wed team this year! Ha ha ha!Copy !req
79. - No way red team
can beat us.Copy !req
80. No way. Huh huh huh!Copy !req
81. - Red team won't know
what hit them.Copy !req
82. - All right!
Everyone together!Copy !req
83. Are we gonna beat
red team this year?Copy !req
84. Yeah!
- Timmy!Copy !req
85. - Yeah!Copy !req
86. - I can't
stand him, mimsy.Copy !req
87. That jimmy kid
makes my fucking skin crawl.Copy !req
88. - Duh, you've always
hated jimmy, boss,Copy !req
89. ever since he whooped you
at surfing last summer camp.Copy !req
90. He really took it to ya good!Copy !req
91. - Shut up, mimsy!Copy !req
92. - Oh, sorry boss.
- Listen to me.Copy !req
93. There is no way
that blue teamCopy !req
94. is gonna beat red team
this year at camp.Copy !req
95. You got that?Copy !req
96. What we need to do, mimsy,Copy !req
97. is use a little
brain powerCopy !req
98. to make sure blue team
can't compete.Copy !req
99. - Oh, boy!Copy !req
100. We're gonna ruin
blue team's chances, huh?Copy !req
101. We're gonna break their legs
or something, boss?Copy !req
102. - Shut up, mimsy!Copy !req
103. Just do what i say
and we can make sureCopy !req
104. jimmy vulmer gets
what's comin' to him.Copy !req
105. - There ya go, lenora.
All better now?Copy !req
106. - Yes, thanks.Copy !req
107. - That's right,
when you go swimming,Copy !req
108. don't forget to
bring a... blecch!Copy !req
109. - Aah!
- Who hired that towel?Copy !req
110. It can barely walk,
let alone dry somebody off.Copy !req
111. - You think you're better
than me? Huh?Copy !req
112. You think you're fucking
hot shit?Copy !req
113. - A lot of times
when towelie shoots heroin,Copy !req
114. he just gets angry
at everybody.Copy !req
115. - You can all suck it!Copy !req
116. You're all...
you're all a bunch of towels.Copy !req
117. That's what you are!Copy !req
118. - The thing is,Copy !req
119. towelie was
pretty happy before.Copy !req
120. He had a girlfriend
he liked.Copy !req
121. And then she got pregnantCopy !req
122. and had a little washcloth.Copy !req
123. But then towelie just kept
getting more and more high,Copy !req
124. and he got
kicked out of the house.Copy !req
125. - Fuck you!
Let me talk to him.Copy !req
126. Let me talk to him,
you bitch!Copy !req
127. No! I'm not high!Copy !req
128. I haven't been high
since wednesday.Copy !req
129. Oh, it is wednesday?Copy !req
130. - All right, campers!Copy !req
131. Our first event
is the big canoe race!Copy !req
132. - Oh, boy,
the canoe races! Heee!Copy !req
133. - We gotta be-be-be-be-be...Copy !req
134. we gotta b-b-beat
the red team!Copy !req
135. - I've got it, mimsy.Copy !req
136. I got a way to win the raceCopy !req
137. and get rid of jimmy
for good.Copy !req
138. - Duh, oh, boy!
What're we gonna do, boss?Copy !req
139. - Simple, mimsy.Copy !req
140. We're gonna put a little
surprise in the canoe.Copy !req
141. - Doh, doh,
what kind of a surprise?Copy !req
142. Ooh, it's a snake!Copy !req
143. - Not just any snake, mimsy.Copy !req
144. It's a black mamba.Copy !req
145. - Oh, gee wiz, boss.Copy !req
146. We're gonna kill all
the blue team and jimmy, huh?Copy !req
147. - Shh! Shh!Copy !req
148. - You boys excited
for the canoe race?Copy !req
149. - Yes, counselor steve.Copy !req
150. I like the fun canoe.Copy !req
151. - Canoes are fun,
aren't they?Copy !req
152. - Now take the black mamba,
mimsy,Copy !req
153. and put it in the canoe.Copy !req
154. I'm gonna go get
our team ready.Copy !req
155. - All right, campers,
are we ready?Copy !req
156. - Yeah!Copy !req
157. - Good luck, jimmy!Copy !req
158. - You too, n-n-nathan!Copy !req
159. - You're gonna need it,
you fucking asshole.Copy !req
160. - On your mark!Copy !req
161. Get set!Copy !req
162. - Aah! Holy shit!Copy !req
163. Mimsy, what the hell
did you do?Copy !req
164. - Duh, you said
to put the black mambaCopy !req
165. in the canoe, boss!Copy !req
166. - Not in our canoe, mimsy!Copy !req
167. - We crossed
the finish line first!Copy !req
168. - Hey, hey,
we need a towel!Copy !req
169. - Uh, oh, um, just a sec!Copy !req
170. - Not just a sec.Copy !req
171. We got a bunch
of wet campers down there!Copy !req
172. What's going on?Copy !req
173. - Hey, you owe me money,
asshole!Copy !req
174. - That's it.
We're done.Copy !req
175. You are no longer
employed here.Copy !req
176. - Please, sir.Copy !req
177. - We need a nice, clean towelCopy !req
178. here at summer camp.Copy !req
179. We don't need a towel
that shoots heroinCopy !req
180. and has sex for money.Copy !req
181. - Some people are
so picky about their towels.Copy !req
182. - All right, campers!Copy !req
183. Next event is
the big scavenger hunt!Copy !req
184. Blue team is gonna go first!Copy !req
185. - I finally got it, mimsy.Copy !req
186. I got a way we can kill jimmyCopy !req
187. and beat the blue team.Copy !req
188. - Oh, boy! What're we
gonna do to 'em, huh, boss?Copy !req
189. - Simple. We're going
to get jimmy killedCopy !req
190. by native americans.Copy !req
191. Here take this.Copy !req
192. It's a fake
scavenger hunt map.Copy !req
193. - Duh, this map leads
to the scavenger hunt?Copy !req
194. - No. That map leads to
the indian reservation.Copy !req
195. We switch this with blue team's
scavenger hunting map,Copy !req
196. and they'll end upCopy !req
197. right on the tardicaca
indian reservation.Copy !req
198. - Oh, boy!Copy !req
199. We're gonna get jimmy killed
by indians, huh, boss?Copy !req
200. - Shh! Shh!Copy !req
201. - Are you boys excited
for the neat scavenger hunt?Copy !req
202. - Yes, counselor steve.
I like a scavenger hunt.Copy !req
203. All right, mimsy.Copy !req
204. Now you take this map
to the indian reservationCopy !req
205. and you switch it
with blue team's map.Copy !req
206. You got that, mims?Copy !req
207. You switch the map.
Switch the map.Copy !req
208. - I got it, boss.Copy !req
209. Switch the map!
Switch the map!Copy !req
210. How come we're
scavenger huntin' now, boss?Copy !req
211. - Because, stupid, now that
we have blue team's mapCopy !req
212. we can get
their scavenger prize, too.Copy !req
213. - Oh, boy!Copy !req
214. - This doesn't make sense.Copy !req
215. Why would they make us
go this far?Copy !req
216. We're handicapped.Copy !req
217. Turn left at the... wait.Copy !req
218. Wait a minute.
What the...Copy !req
219. oh, fuck!Copy !req
220. Mimsy! This is the map
to the indian reservation!Copy !req
221. - Well, sure it is, boss!Copy !req
222. - I told you to switch this
with the map for blue team!Copy !req
223. - No, you told me to switch
the map, switch the map.Copy !req
224. So i switched it,
and i switched.Copy !req
225. - Mimsy!Copy !req
226. Uh, my name is nathan.Copy !req
227. I'm disabled.Copy !req
228. Aah!Copy !req
229. - Hey, everybody!Copy !req
230. Let's all go to
the office supply store!Copy !req
231. - You must have
one dusty computer.Copy !req
232. - Fuck you!
It's not illegal, bitch.Copy !req
233. I feel like i could
conquer the world.Copy !req
234. It's like i'm walkin'
on sunshine!Copy !req
235. - I really think
this interventionCopy !req
236. is towelie's last chance.Copy !req
237. Towelie, open the door!Copy !req
238. - Go away!
I'm walkin' on sunshine!Copy !req
239. - Towelie, i gotta take you
somewhere really important.Copy !req
240. - Just... just let me walk
on the sunshine a little more.Copy !req
241. - All right!Copy !req
242. In the surfing competition,Copy !req
243. the red team is up
three points to two!Copy !req
244. And now
it's jimmy vulmer's turn!Copy !req
245. - Timmy!Copy !req
246. - Gee, i wish
our team captainCopy !req
247. was as awesome as jimmy!Copy !req
248. - I finally got it, mimsy.Copy !req
249. I got a way we can get rid
of jimmy once and for all.Copy !req
250. - Oh, boy, oh, boy!Copy !req
251. What're we gonna do
to him, boss?Copy !req
252. - Simple.Copy !req
253. We're gonna get jimmy
eaten by a shark.Copy !req
254. Here, take this.Copy !req
255. It's a shark mating whistle.Copy !req
256. - Duh, okay, boss,
a shark mating whistle!Copy !req
257. We gonna hit him over the head
with it, huh, boss?Copy !req
258. - No, you, moron.Copy !req
259. You go under the water
and blow that whistle.Copy !req
260. You can attract sharks
right as jimmy starts to surf.Copy !req
261. - I got it boss!Copy !req
262. I blow the whistle
and make the sharkCopy !req
263. come and bite
jimmy's legs off!Copy !req
264. Then he'll bleed to death!
He's gonna bleed to death!Copy !req
265. - Shh! Shh!Copy !req
266. - Are you boys enjoying
the fun beach?Copy !req
267. - Yes, counselor steve.Copy !req
268. The beach is warm.Copy !req
269. - Gee, that was a close one,
huh, boss?Copy !req
270. They almost heard me sayin'
we was gonna kill jimmy.Copy !req
271. - Shut up, mimsy!Copy !req
272. Just swim in the water
where jimmy is,Copy !req
273. then blow that whistle.Copy !req
274. - Oh, boy!Copy !req
275. - I don't know, timmy.Copy !req
276. Those waves are pretty big.
Heee!Copy !req
277. - Timmy.Copy !req
278. - Don't worry.
Jimmy can handle himself!Copy !req
279. - Gonna catch a wave.Copy !req
280. - I got me
a shark whistle!Copy !req
281. - Oh, boy, here it comes,
here it comes!Copy !req
282. - Oh, no!
- Jimmy!Copy !req
283. - Wait, look!
He's doing it!Copy !req
284. - oh, boy!Copy !req
285. - Mimsy! You didn't do
what i told you!Copy !req
286. - What do you mean, boss?Copy !req
287. You said to swim in the water
and then blow the whistle.Copy !req
288. I swam in the water,Copy !req
289. so now i gotta blow
the whistle.Copy !req
290. - You fucking idiot!Copy !req
291. You don't blow a shark mating
whistle on dry land!Copy !req
292. You were supposed to
blow it... aah!Copy !req
293. Mimsy!Copy !req
294. Get this thing off of me!Copy !req
295. - Today is towelie's
intervention.Copy !req
296. We have no idea
how he's going to react.Copy !req
297. - Come on, towelie,
it's right over here.Copy !req
298. - What's going on?Copy !req
299. - You wanna come on over,
have a seat with your friends?Copy !req
300. - What is everybody
doing here?Copy !req
301. - We've all
just been talking, towelie,Copy !req
302. and... and what i'm hearing
is a bunch of people hereCopy !req
303. who just love the heck
out of ya.Copy !req
304. And they're gonna say
what they wanna say,Copy !req
305. then you're gonna say
what you wanna say,Copy !req
306. and we're done, okay?Copy !req
307. - Towelie, over the past
couple years,Copy !req
308. i have seen drug addictionCopy !req
309. affect you
in the following ways.Copy !req
310. - Oh, Jesus, man.Copy !req
311. - Towelie, you need to
let him finish.Copy !req
312. You're not the towel
you used to be.Copy !req
313. Whereas you used to be
fluffy and absorbent,Copy !req
314. you now are crusty and...Copy !req
315. and unable to absorb
the smallest amount of water.Copy !req
316. Will you get help today?Copy !req
317. - I don't...
i don't get this.Copy !req
318. - Kyle?Copy !req
319. - Towelie,
over the past few months,Copy !req
320. i have watched you go
from an ancillary characterCopy !req
321. with a few amusing
catch phrasesCopy !req
322. to a dried-out spooge ragCopy !req
323. covered in the jizz
of a thousand older men.Copy !req
324. - Can we just end this,
please?Copy !req
325. - You have to
let him finish, towelie.Copy !req
326. - If you do not accept
treatment,Copy !req
327. i will no longer
give you money,Copy !req
328. or be your friend.Copy !req
329. I will not help you
kill yourself.Copy !req
330. - All right, eric.
Do you want to go next?Copy !req
331. - Kyle, i hate you so much.Copy !req
332. You are a liar
and a swindlerCopy !req
333. who will do anything
for money, and l...Copy !req
334. - we're here for towelie,
fat ass!Copy !req
335. - I'm supposed to be
allowed to finish, right?Copy !req
336. Is that right?
Ahem.Copy !req
337. The jews have been persecuted
across the earthCopy !req
338. for good reason, kyle.Copy !req
339. You are a race
of beady-eyed thieves, who always...Copy !req
340. - this is serious,
you fucking asshole!Copy !req
341. - I'm being serious, kyle!
Hello!Copy !req
342. - Kyle, we have to
let people be allowedCopy !req
343. to finish
during interventions.Copy !req
344. - But he's just using
his time on television to...Copy !req
345. - kyle, please,
it is not your turn.Copy !req
346. - You are a race
of beady-eyed thieves, kyle,Copy !req
347. who throughout the millenniaCopy !req
348. have squirmed
and worked your wayCopy !req
349. into the dark cubbyholes
of society.Copy !req
350. Where exactly did the jews
first get their powerCopy !req
351. and how are they able to
manipulate our minds today?Copy !req
352. - Oh, my god!Copy !req
353. - It's a snap
at tardicaca campCopy !req
354. to learn to do
the hula, hula danceCopy !req
355. i fell in love
with a tardicaca doveCopy !req
356. while doin' that
funny, funny danceCopy !req
357. and that poor little kid,
well, she never did...Copy !req
358. - get ready, mimsy.Copy !req
359. Blue team
is about to go boom!Copy !req
360. - So i made up my mind
that i'd strive to findCopy !req
361. the tardicaca girl
i did adoreCopy !req
362. - t-t-timmyCopy !req
363. - little tardicaca
- timmyCopy !req
364. - she's a candy cane
to wiggleCopy !req
365. - timmyCopy !req
366. - she's sure
to make you g-giggleCopy !req
367. - timmyCopy !req
368. - with her naughty
little wiggleCopy !req
369. i know some dayCopy !req
370. i'm gonna try to make
a tardicaca galie mineCopy !req
371. galie mineCopy !req
372. 'cause all the while
i'm dreamin' of herCopy !req
373. my tardicaca hula galCopy !req
374. Oh, sorry.
That's not right. Hang on.Copy !req
375. - I don't think he's playin'
the right note, boss.Copy !req
376. The c4 ain't gonna go off.Copy !req
377. - Shut up, mimsy!Copy !req
378. - If in fact the jews
truly are shapeshifters,Copy !req
379. and i believe i have presented
enough evidence hereCopy !req
380. to prove that they are,Copy !req
381. then we must unite
as a species to fight them,Copy !req
382. and stop their plan
of global dominationCopy !req
383. and the control
of our freedom.Copy !req
384. - Okay, stan.
You want to go next?Copy !req
385. - Towelie, if you do not go
to treatment,Copy !req
386. we will
all ignore you forever.Copy !req
387. Will you go?Copy !req
388. - What treatment?Copy !req
389. What are you all
talking about?Copy !req
390. - If you say yes,
we leave here,Copy !req
391. pack your things,
get on a plane,Copy !req
392. go to a treatment facility
in southern california.Copy !req
393. It's all set up.Copy !req
394. - No! Fuck no!Copy !req
395. I'm not getting
on no fucking plane!Copy !req
396. This is bullshit!Copy !req
397. Don't give me
fucking ultimatums!Copy !req
398. I thought you were
my fucking friends!Copy !req
399. - Well, towelie, your friends
don't want to watch youCopy !req
400. kill yourself anymore.Copy !req
401. - Then fuck them!Copy !req
402. You're telling me
i have to do this,Copy !req
403. and i'm not left
with any decisions here!Copy !req
404. - towelie!Copy !req
405. We aren't the only ones
at this interventionCopy !req
406. who've been hurt by you!Copy !req
407. - Who are you
talking about?Copy !req
408. - Washcloth?Copy !req
409. You brought washcloth?Copy !req
410. Oh, that's low!Copy !req
411. - Out on the beach
with my dear little peachCopy !req
412. where the waves
are rolling in so highCopy !req
413. - damn it, damn it!Copy !req
414. Mimsy!Copy !req
415. Get up there and demand
the ukulele solo!Copy !req
416. It's our only chance!Copy !req
417. - Duh, okay boss!Copy !req
418. - If you get in a pinchCopy !req
419. go through, it's a cinchCopy !req
420. - duh, we want
the ukulele solo!Copy !req
421. We want the ukulele solo!Copy !req
422. - Sorry, mims,
i just can't remember it.Copy !req
423. - Well, we wants yas
to play it, don't we?Copy !req
424. - Yeah!Copy !req
425. - All right, mimsy.Copy !req
426. Maybe you
can show me how it's done.Copy !req
427. - Duh, okay!
It's real easy!Copy !req
428. You just play like dis!Copy !req
429. - Mimsy!Copy !req
430. You idiot!
What are you doing?Copy !req
431. - I was going to show him
how to play the solo, boss.Copy !req
432. - That does it!Copy !req
433. I am sick and tired
of your stupidity, mimsy!Copy !req
434. You are the biggest idiot
i have ever met,Copy !req
435. and from now on,
if i want to do something,Copy !req
436. i'm gonna do it myself!Copy !req
437. Aah!Copy !req
438. Unh!Copy !req
439. Ugh.Copy !req
440. Aah!Copy !req
441. Aah!Copy !req
442. No, not the shark again!Copy !req
443. Not the shark again!Copy !req
444. - Washcloth!
Oh, washcloth!Copy !req
445. I'm so sorry!Copy !req
446. - He needs you to get better,
towelie, please!Copy !req
447. - You got so many peopleCopy !req
448. that just love
the heck out of ya, towelie.Copy !req
449. - All right!
All right, i'll go!Copy !req
450. - You will?Copy !req
451. - I don't want to hurt
washcloth anymore!Copy !req
452. - He's going, everybody!
Come on! Hugs!Copy !req
453. - Poor wed team.Copy !req
454. Their captain
weally got waped.Copy !req
455. - I never seen a kidCopy !req
456. get screwed
by a shark before. Hee!Copy !req
457. - I hope i never
see it again. Huh huh huh!Copy !req
458. - Nathan, your team put up
an amazing fight.Copy !req
459. And even though i was crowned
king of cripple camp,Copy !req
460. i want you to know that you
were the real ch-ch-champ!Copy !req
461. - I hate you, jimmy.Copy !req
462. I fucking hate you with
everything in my entire being.Copy !req
463. - Duh, you sure got it
stuck it to ya this year, boss!Copy !req
464. - Shut up... mimsy.Copy !req
465. - Hi, towelie?Copy !req
466. - Yeah, hi.Copy !req
467. - Towelie is definitely
one of the most addicted towelsCopy !req
468. we've ever seen here.Copy !req
469. He's probably the second most
psychologically damaged towelCopy !req
470. i've come across since treating
kirstie alley's towel,Copy !req
471. which had seen some... brr...
some nasty stuff.Copy !req
472. - I don't know
what tomorrow's gonna bring.Copy !req
473. But i'm learning to love
what i am.Copy !req
474. I'm a towel.Copy !req
475. - Veins swellCopy !req
476. you know me, ellenCopy !req
477. enough to tellCopy !req
478. five steps, you're overCopy !req