1. ? i'm goin'
down to south park?Copy !req
2. ? gonna have myself a time?Copy !req
3. ? friendly faces everywhere?Copy !req
4. ? humble folks
without temptation?Copy !req
5. ? i'm goin'
down to south park?Copy !req
6. ? gonna leave my woes behind?Copy !req
7. ? ample parking day or night,
people spouting howdy neighbor?Copy !req
8. ? headin' on up to south park,
gonna see if i can't unwind?Copy !req
9. ?Copy !req
10. ? come on down to south park
and meet some friends of mine?Copy !req
11. Saigon is a hell of a place...Copy !req
12. i've seen a lot of death,
a lot of suffering.Copy !req
13. Darkness that most
people couldn't stand to see...Copy !req
14. i tried to sit it
out as much as i could.Copy !req
15. What's the matter, conner?
Don't like a little blood?Copy !req
16. No, i don't like a little blood.Copy !req
17. Blood ain't the stuff for
18 year old boys from sheboygan.Copy !req
18. Blood ain't the stuff
for mitch conner...Copy !req
19. incoming!Copy !req
20. Conner, mitchell.
You're discharged, son.Copy !req
21. And that's that.Copy !req
22. Pack your bags,
you're headed home.Copy !req
23. Hugs and
kisses from uncle sam.Copy !req
24. So how do i end up here?Copy !req
25. With a 9 year old kid, who just
wants to know who his father is...Copy !req
26. life is funny like that.Copy !req
27. One day you're sifting through
the guts of some gook in vietnamCopy !req
28. and the next you're playing
doctor philCopy !req
29. with some kid and his teacher.Copy !req
30. Eric, i... i'm really sorry that you
were put through all this.Copy !req
31. Sorry is a four letter
word with a "y" on the end.Copy !req
32. That doesn't mean
anything to this poor kid.Copy !req
33. That's right.Copy !req
34. Tell me the truth.
Now!Copy !req
35. All i can tell you eric is that we were
all told to stick to the story.Copy !req
36. To protect someone
very important.Copy !req
37. I can't say more.
I won't!Copy !req
38. But i'll... i'll tell you
who has the answer...Copy !req
39. look, gingers...Copy !req
40. you said you wanted
bleep we got him for you!Copy !req
41. We have no way of knowing
if bleep is really in there!Copy !req
42. It could be a trick!Copy !req
43. It's no trick dude!Copy !req
44. My friend and i went to the super best
friends and brought him here!Copy !req
45. Then have him step out of
the bear costume!Copy !req
46. You have until the count of ten.Copy !req
47. One!Copy !req
48. Don't do it randy,
if bleep is seen we could get bombed!Copy !req
49. Two!
- Idiot! If he isn't seen,Copy !req
50. we're about to definitely get bombed!
- Three!Copy !req
51. Alright, alright stop!
We'll do what you say.Copy !req
52. I'm sorry, bleep, but will please step
out of the bear costume?Copy !req
53. Okay, so um... see? Bleep...Copy !req
54. that isn't bleep,
that's santy claus.Copy !req
55. Sorry boys, i tried...
- aw crap.Copy !req
56. Boys you got santa
to be bleep? When?Copy !req
57. When you all said you were gonna
hand bleep over to tom cruise.Copy !req
58. We promised Jesus that bleep
would stay safely in the u-haul!Copy !req
59. I'm sorry, kyle. I really thought my
idea would work for you...Copy !req
60. if we were gonna have
someone in a bear costumeCopy !req
61. why would we actually have it
be bleep you stupid bleep idiot.Copy !req
62. So where is he?Copy !req
63. Meanwhile, at the hall of the
super best friends...Copy !req
64. Buddha, will you
lay off that stuff already?Copy !req
65. It's getting to be a problem.Copy !req
66. Oh and you're one to talk.
With all your internet porn.Copy !req
67. Watching porn isn't
like doing coke, fag!Copy !req
68. Jesus christ!Copy !req
69. What?Copy !req
70. We've got a distress
signal coming in!Copy !req
71. On the super best screen!Copy !req
72. Super best friends!
You've got to help us!Copy !req
73. The casa bonita
is under attack!Copy !req
74. Great scott! It's barbara
streisand!Copy !req
75. I thought barbara streisand hadCopy !req
76. been destroyed by the robert smith!Copy !req
77. Yeah! Who would have
activated her again?Copy !req
78. I don't know, semen.Copy !req
79. It's sea man.Copy !req
80. The casa bonita is gone!
Jesus help us!Copy !req
81. Jesus, that's where
those boys took bleep!Copy !req
82. We have to stop her!Copy !req
83. On the super best
friends power cycles!Copy !req
84. There, there
my little mouse friend...Copy !req
85. soon you will have more asses
than you ever dreamed of...Copy !req
86. ahh kevin, you brought me my
fonseca. That's a good boy...Copy !req
87. What's this? Someone
is at the door, kevin.Copy !req
88. We've tried to be left alone, kevin.Copy !req
89. Who would disturb us at this hour?Copy !req
90. We must be careful.Copy !req
91. Why, it's an african
american man, kevin...Copy !req
92. yes?
What do you want?Copy !req
93. Yo, man, sorry to bother ya butCopy !req
94. there's been an accident down
the street man!Copy !req
95. Can i use your telephone?Copy !req
96. Oh, i'm... i'm terribly sorry but
i don't let strangers in.Copy !req
97. Yo i understand, man,
but this assident is real bad, dawg.Copy !req
98. My lady's legs is all
busted up n' beepCopy !req
99. she's all crawling aroundCopy !req
100. on the road lookin'
like a crippled crab, man,Copy !req
101. i just need
an ambulance, dawg.Copy !req
102. There's a gas station about
half a mile down the road.Copy !req
103. They have a phone there.Copy !req
104. Okay, i see...
i guess i understand.Copy !req
105. You just don't want to
let a black man in your house.Copy !req
106. No, please,
it isn't that at all.Copy !req
107. No i gets it man.Copy !req
108. Thought thangs had
changed through.Copy !req
109. Thought when we got a black
president, things would be different.Copy !req
110. We gots a black president but
whitey still don't trust meCopy !req
111. to use his
mother bleep phone.Copy !req
112. No wait i'm sorry. You're right, you're
right... we do have a black president.Copy !req
113. Please, come in.Copy !req
114. Ahh haaaa!
- Aghghgh!Copy !req
115. Ahghghggh!Copy !req
116. Nice work, conner.Copy !req
117. Yeah. The the ol' hasn't
anything changed speech... -Copy !req
118. works on white
people all the time.Copy !req
119. Eric cartman?Copy !req
120. Surprised to see me asshole?
Close the door.Copy !req
121. Holy crap!Copy !req
122. Cheery ho!Copy !req
123. My name is pip!Copy !req
124. I would like to see if
you wouldn't mindCopy !req
125. not smashing our little
town to bits!Copy !req
126. Ahghgghghgh!Copy !req
127. Meanwhile, at the legion of
doomCopy !req
128. - which is tom cruise's house...Copy !req
129. how do you like that?Copy !req
130. Celebrities
can get violent too!Copy !req
131. Mr. Cruise, please call
barbarastreisand off!Copy !req
132. She's destroying everything!Copy !req
133. We will call her off
when you give us bleep!Copy !req
134. We don't have bleep we
aren't sure where he is!Copy !req
135. That's your problem!Copy !req
136. Get him back or
babs will kill you all!Copy !req
137. Oh boy!Copy !req
138. Kenny! Kenny dude
what the hell?Copy !req
139. You're supposed
to be watching bleep!Copy !req
140. I am!
He's right there.Copy !req
141. Oh thank god.
Hey bleep.Copy !req
142. Really sorry
about all this, dude.Copy !req
143. So what the heck are we
gonna do now?Copy !req
144. Bleep isn't safe here!Copy !req
145. The gingers and celebrities
all want a piece of himCopy !req
146. i don't know
where we can go!Copy !req
147. Wait... no wait a minute.Copy !req
148. I've got it. I've totally got it!
- What?Copy !req
149. Remember the time we got an
elephant to make love to a pig?Copy !req
150. Yeah?Copy !req
151. I totally now how we
can give the gingers andCopy !req
152. the celebrities
what they want,Copy !req
153. but keep bleep safe!
Come on!Copy !req
154. She's going to get
our coffee store next!Copy !req
155. Oooh!
Jesus christ!Copy !req
156. That's enough barbara
streisand! Kwaaaaa!Copy !req
157. Smith!
Try your ice breath!Copy !req
158. No good!Copy !req
159. Look out!Copy !req
160. Barbara streisand's using
her toxic stink ray!Copy !req
161. Eric... your father never
wanted this to happen.Copy !req
162. He was protecting
you as well as them.Copy !req
163. Them who?Copy !req
164. Eric, you have to understand-
it's all very complicated.Copy !req
165. Then start
explaining it to me.Copy !req
166. Very well.Copy !req
167. Come on bleep
the door's open!Copy !req
168. Doctor mephesto we
need your help!Copy !req
169. Oh for crying out loud nowCopy !req
170. everybody's letting
themselves in!Copy !req
171. Doctor, this is bleep!
We want you to clone him!Copy !req
172. So we can give his copies to
gingers and barbara streisand.Copy !req
173. Oh... alright...Copy !req
174. no, no, no-Copy !req
175. he's not doing anything
except explaining who my father is.Copy !req
176. Dude, that doesn't matter to
people right now.Copy !req
177. It's all that matters.Copy !req
178. Dude, nobody gives a crap about
who your stupid father is!Copy !req
179. Bleep is an important issue with
actual ethical ramifications.Copy !req
180. I guarantee you, people care
waymore about who my father is.Copy !req
181. In the small mountain
town of south park,Copy !req
182. the holy prophet of
the mormon religionCopy !req
183. is trying to fly up the nose
of a deadly female singer.Copy !req
184. Wahgghgh!Copy !req
185. Our powers aren't
working, swallow!Copy !req
186. We can't attack streisand's
nose, it's just too big!Copy !req
187. We have to find
another weak spot!Copy !req
188. Moses!Copy !req
189. What?Copy !req
190. We need to know any weakness
barbara streisand might have.Copy !req
191. Um... lemme think... um...Copy !req
192. oh i know.Copy !req
193. Barbara streisand can't resist
singing duets with neil diamond.Copy !req
194. Alright, i'll build a stage.Copy !req
195. Lao tsu use mind control
to get a huge audience.Copy !req
196. Buddha and smith
use powers to find a band.Copy !req
197. Semen, you and swallow
go get us sushi for dinner.Copy !req
198. It's sea man and swallow!Copy !req
199. Okay, semen you
guys head off.Copy !req
200. Fine!
Swallow come!Copy !req
201. No way he just said that!Copy !req
202. Alright, alright look, just
tell cartman who is dad is real quickCopy !req
203. so we can clone bleep.Copy !req
204. It's a complicated story... i
just can't tell him quickly.Copy !req
205. Then we'll wait because
we have to clone bleep now.Copy !req
206. Is bleep more important than a
little boys broken heart?Copy !req
207. Oh you are not
doing that again.Copy !req
208. Look mephesto-Copy !req
209. you tell this kid who his
father is and you do it now!Copy !req
210. Stop talking with
your stupid hand.Copy !req
211. Who you
calling stupid, jew?Copy !req
212. Come on you guys
we're running out of time!Copy !req
213. Yes?Copy !req
214. Hey i'm sorry to bother you!
There's been an accident...Copy !req
215. i need a phone!Copy !req
216. Yeah, right. Let me guess-
you're an african american.Copy !req
217. Well... yes i am, but i don't know
what that has to do with anything.Copy !req
218. Beat it! I'm not helping you!Copy !req
219. Dude!
- That's not cool!Copy !req
220. No, no you don't understand.Copy !req
221. We understand you just sounded
like a freaking racist!Copy !req
222. We don't live in the
sixties anymore you know...Copy !req
223. we have a black president!Copy !req
224. Alright, alright, jeez-Copy !req
225. ha haaa!Copy !req
226. Oh crap the gingers!Copy !req
227. Gingers? Noo!Copy !req
228. Later,
at the legion of doom...Copy !req
229. tom, tom! The gingers are
claiming zey have bleep!Copy !req
230. What?
Impossible!Copy !req
231. Zey are sending
a message now!Copy !req
232. On screen!Copy !req
233. We have bleep! We have bleep!Copy !req
234. He's useless to you!Copy !req
235. You can't get bleep
power to not be made fun ofCopy !req
236. without the rob reiner
goo transfer machine!Copy !req
237. Why do you think
we're calling?Copy !req
238. Our boss is willing
to share bleep with youCopy !req
239. if you're willing to share
the goo machine with us.Copy !req
240. Your... boss?Copy !req
241. What's going on?Copy !req
242. You got what you wanted
gingers, so let us go!Copy !req
243. Oh no, no! The head ginger
has plans for you...Copy !req
244. what head ginger?
And where's cartman?Copy !req
245. Ha, ha... the head ginger has something
really special planned for him...Copy !req
246. hello? What the hell is this?
Where am i?Copy !req
247. You really got yourself in a
mess this time, kid.Copy !req
248. Shut up, conner... how about i
shove this flashlight in your mouth.Copy !req
249. Marrmgmgmmm...Copy !req
250. hello? I'm here,
whoever you are...Copy !req
251. Eric cartman... i've waited a
long time for this.Copy !req
252. Daddy?Copy !req
253. Guess again.Copy !req
254. Welcome, to my
chili con carnival!Copy !req
255. Chili con carnival?
Wait a minute... no it can't be.Copy !req
256. Oh but it can!Copy !req
257. Revenge is a
dish best served... chili!Copy !req
258. Scott tenorman...
ewww...Copy !req
259. meanwhile... at the concert
stage Jesus builtCopy !req
260. with his power of
super carpentry...Copy !req
261. that's it, Jesus!Copy !req
262. The band has been paid and
the pa system is working!Copy !req
263. Alright krishna,
the rest is up to you!Copy !req
264. Form of... neil diamond!Copy !req
265. If you all wouldn't mind...Copy !req
266. i'd like to invite a special
friend to join me on stage.Copy !req
267. Miss barbara streisand!Copy !req
268. Let's hope to christ this works...Copy !req
269. hello gorgeous...Copy !req
270. what'd ya say? Shall we sing
together again like the ol' times?Copy !req
271. Eaerhgghhhghgh!Copy !req
272. Earhghghghghhghghg!
Earhghghghghhghghg!Copy !req
273. Well that's because
i loved you girl,Copy !req
274. and i still love you now.Copy !req
275. What have you got to say-Copy !req
276. earhghghghghhghghg!Copy !req
277. That might be true, but i still
miss you at night...Copy !req
278. arhghgghgCopy !req
279. when you roll over by my side,
and you kiss me goodnight...Copy !req
280. arhghgghg ghgghghghgh!Copy !req
281. It worked, Jesus!Copy !req
282. yeah... and now to find bleep
and take down tom cruise!Copy !req
283. Do you remember when
you had my parent's killedCopy !req
284. and fed them to me as chili?Copy !req
285. I spent quite a while in a
mental institution eric...Copy !req
286. a lot of time for me to learn
everything about you.Copy !req
287. So that one day
i could take you down.Copy !req
288. I even learned the
name of your father.Copy !req
289. Oh i know you're confused,
who wouldn't be?Copy !req
290. You've been lied
to by everyone!Copy !req
291. Even by your own mother.
Ha ha haaa!Copy !req
292. What do you know?Copy !req
293. I wanted to torment you
with your father's identity...Copy !req
294. but what i found was more shocking
than i could have possibly guessed!Copy !req
295. Meanwhile,
at the gingers' lair...Copy !req
296. alright, bleep is secure!Copy !req
297. Let's do this.Copy !req
298. Throw the switch, rob!Copy !req
299. Ughghghghgh...
yes! I can feel it!Copy !req
300. I can feel the power to not be
ridiculed flowing through my veins!Copy !req
301. Eeeeeyaaa!Copy !req
302. A ha ha ha haaaaa!Copy !req
303. Omg! It worked!Copy !req
304. I've done it! I've done it!Copy !req
305. Look at me! I'm not okay to
make fun of anymore!Copy !req
306. Ooh you lucky beep -Copy !req
307. welcome everyone to the final
act of my fabulous chili carnival!Copy !req
308. Please! Leave my boy alone!
- Mom?Copy !req
309. I got them all
here for you, eric!Copy !req
310. To listen while you
got told the truth!Copy !req
311. Please, don't!
We have to protect 'em!Copy !req
312. Protect who?
- Yes, protect who?Copy !req
313. Tell him...Copy !req
314. mr... jimbo!Copy !req
315. Protect...
the denver broncos...Copy !req
316. meanwhile...Copy !req
317. this is incredible!
Who wants to go next?Copy !req
318. I want to be next!
- No gingers go next!Copy !req
319. Gingers can
suck it i'm next! Ha ha!Copy !req
320. It's my goo machine i'm next!Copy !req
321. Nobody is going next!Copy !req
322. Bleep is our super best friend...
let him go!Copy !req
323. They can't stop all of us!
Get em!Copy !req
324. Kewaaa!Copy !req
325. The denver broncos...Copy !req
326. there was a right tackle see,Copy !req
327. who had an illegitimate child
with your slut of a mom!Copy !req
328. And everyone here covered it up to
protect the bronco name!Copy !req
329. They were having a really good year!
There couldn't be any distractions!Copy !req
330. My dad was a denver bronco?
- Would you like to meet him?Copy !req
331. Well, you can't. Ever.
Cuz you see, eric...Copy !req
332. we have something in common.Copy !req
333. Did i ever tell
you that my father...Copy !req
334. played for the
denver broncos?Copy !req
335. No... no...Copy !req
336. the only bronco who
lived in south park.Copy !req
337. He got a little
bored one week and hadCopy !req
338. an affair with a slut
named liane cartman.Copy !req
339. No please...
- tell him!Copy !req
340. You almost did before but
you got shot by your brotherCopy !req
341. who was a bronco fan!
Tell him!Copy !req
342. It's true.Copy !req
343. Jack tenorman was
your father...Copy !req
344. you killed your own father
and then you fed himCopy !req
345. to your half brother!Copy !req
346. No. Noooooo!Copy !req
347. Ha ha ahaahahahaaaaaaa!Copy !req
348. Now eat your chili!Copy !req
349. Keyaa!Copy !req
350. The super best friends?
Oh no!Copy !req
351. I'll get you tom cruise!Copy !req
352. Hey look- tom cruise has
sea man on his back.Copy !req
353. What did you say?Copy !req
354. Oh yeah, tom cruise does
have sea man on his back.Copy !req
355. I guess maybe
tom cruise likes semen.Copy !req
356. Whoa! Whoa, whoa!Copy !req
357. You're not supposed to be
able to make fun of me anymore!Copy !req
358. What the hell is going on?
- I'll be back super best friends!Copy !req
359. Who's the creepy ginger kid?Copy !req
360. Reiner! You said the goo
machine would work,Copy !req
361. but i got made fun of!Copy !req
362. That's because there
is no goo, mr. Cruise!Copy !req
363. You see, i learned
something today...Copy !req
364. bleep...Copy !req
365. that's right.
Don't you see gingers?Copy !req
366. Bleep...Copy !req
367. that's right, friends.Copy !req
368. Bleep...Copy !req
369. yeah...Copy !req
370. alright people let's
start rebuilding our town...Copy !req
371. for the thirty ninth time...Copy !req
372. oh dude... look...Copy !req
373. Hey... cartman...Copy !req
374. look, man...Copy !req
375. we know what you learned
is pretty tough to hear.Copy !req
376. Tough to hear?Copy !req
377. My dad was
scott tenorman's dad!Copy !req
378. Don't you guys realize
what that means?Copy !req
379. Yeah, dude...
we know what it means.Copy !req
380. My dad was a ginger!Copy !req
381. Wait, what?Copy !req
382. I mean, obviously
i take after my mom,Copy !req
383. but i have the
ginger gene inside of me!Copy !req
384. Dude, you killed
your own dadCopy !req
385. and you're worried
about that?Copy !req
386. Hey, eric... eric!Copy !req
387. What?Copy !req
388. Come on, cheer up.
- Cheer up! I'm half ginger!Copy !req
389. Yeah but
you're forgetting...Copy !req
390. you're also
half denver bronco.Copy !req
391. That makes you pretty cool.Copy !req
392. Hey... you're right...
that does make me pretty cool...Copy !req
393. you gotta be kidding me!Copy !req
394. Shut up, kyle.
You dumb jew.Copy !req
395. You've got bronco
blood in you kid.Copy !req
396. That makes
you awesome.Copy !req
397. Me... i should be moving on.Copy !req
398. Really mitch you gotta go?Copy !req
399. There's a
bounty on my headCopy !req
400. and i can't afford to
stay in one place too long.Copy !req
401. So long...
denver bronco.Copy !req
402. Take it easy conner.Copy !req
403. Look, mr. Cruise,Copy !req
404. i'm sorry i said you
were a fudge packerCopy !req
405. and that you had
semen on your back...Copy !req
406. i just can't do it anymore.
I wanna go away.Copy !req
407. But there's nowhere
on earth that peopleCopy !req
408. aren't around to rip on me.Copy !req
409. Hey... hey we know a place!Copy !req
410. We know a place where
everything is just happiness and joy...Copy !req
411. and no humans
are there to mess it up.Copy !req
412. We do?Copy !req
413. Oh yeah... we do!Copy !req
414. You... really?Copy !req
415. Somewhere where i can just live
out my days in peace and quiet?Copy !req
416. Oh please can you
show me where?Copy !req
417. We'll do better than that.
We'll help get you there.Copy !req