1. ? i'm goin'
down to south park?Copy !req
2. ? gonna have myself a time?Copy !req
3. ? friendly faces everywhere?Copy !req
4. ? humble folks
without temptation?Copy !req
5. ? i'm goin'
down to south park?Copy !req
6. ? gonna leave my woes behind?Copy !req
7. ? ample parking day or night,
people spouting howdy neighbor?Copy !req
8. ? headin' on up to south park,
gonna see if i can't unwind?Copy !req
9. ?Copy !req
10. ? come on down to south park
and meet some friends of mine?Copy !req
11. 21! 22!Copy !req
12. 23!Copy !req
13. 24! 25!Copy !req
14. 26! 27!Copy !req
15. - Oh, i wish i could exerciseCopy !req
16. with the rest
of the team, coach,Copy !req
17. but i've got
such a bellyache.Copy !req
18. - You seem to have
a stomachacheCopy !req
19. every time we do drills
and exercises.Copy !req
20. - I know. It sucks!Copy !req
21. - All right, kids,
practice is over for today.Copy !req
22. - Kfc!Copy !req
23. - Oh, boy!
Oh, boy!Copy !req
24. I'm gonna get a three-piece meal
and crispy strips!Copy !req
25. - Cartman, you only come
to soccer practice on fridays,Copy !req
26. and that's only
because we get to haveCopy !req
27. kentucky fried chicken
afterwards!Copy !req
28. - Shut up, you shifty jew!Copy !req
29. I'll fucking kill you!Copy !req
30. Oh, sorry, sorry.Copy !req
31. I just... you know,
when i've been waiting too longCopy !req
32. for the colonel's chicken,
i get easily agitated.Copy !req
33. You're
a fucking asshole, kenny!Copy !req
34. Oh, oh.
Oh, sorry, sorry.Copy !req
35. Oh, here we are!
Here we are!Copy !req
36. - Hey, it looks different.Copy !req
37. - Hey, uh,
what's up with the kfc?Copy !req
38. - Oh, it's not a kfc anymore.Copy !req
39. It's a medicinal marijuana
dispensary.Copy !req
40. - A what?Copy !req
41. - Dude, what the fuck?
What the fuck?Copy !req
42. - So where's the kfc now?Copy !req
43. - All right, boys,
wait out here.Copy !req
44. Let me see what's going on.Copy !req
45. - Can i help you, sir?Copy !req
46. - Yeah, uh, we were actually
looking to get some kfc.Copy !req
47. - Oh, yeah.
Sorry, that's gone.Copy !req
48. We only sell marijuana here.Copy !req
49. - Really?Copy !req
50. I mean, you're openly
selling pot, for reals?Copy !req
51. - Sure.
New state laws say it's okay.Copy !req
52. - Whoo-hoo!
All right!Copy !req
53. I love the future!Copy !req
54. Let's see, uh, i'll take half a
pound of that jamaican passionCopy !req
55. and give me some
of that purplish stuff too.Copy !req
56. - All right,
i'll just need to seeCopy !req
57. your physician's reference.Copy !req
58. - My, huh?Copy !req
59. - Well, sir,Copy !req
60. we can't just
sell the marijuana to anybody.Copy !req
61. You need a reference
from your doctorCopy !req
62. to show it's necessary.Copy !req
63. - Oh, that's dumb.Copy !req
64. Okay, okay,
i'll... i'll be right back.Copy !req
65. - What'd they say?Copy !req
66. - Kfc's gone.
Been replaced.Copy !req
67. - They can't do that!Copy !req
68. This is the only kfc
in all of south park.Copy !req
69. - Yeah, well,
i got to get to the doctor.Copy !req
70. - The doctor?
But, dad, we want to eat.Copy !req
71. - I got to get to the doctor!Copy !req
72. - So no kfc?Copy !req
73. - This is a nightmare.Copy !req
74. This is a nightmare,
and i can't wake up!Copy !req
75. - Well, mr. Marsh,Copy !req
76. it looks like you
are in perfect health.Copy !req
77. Your blood work
came back great,Copy !req
78. and all your vitals
appear normal.Copy !req
79. - All right!Copy !req
80. - Yep, you check out fine.Copy !req
81. - That's great.Copy !req
82. So can i get
a referral from you?Copy !req
83. - For what?Copy !req
84. - Medicinal marijuana.Copy !req
85. There's a shop that opened
in the old kfc,Copy !req
86. and they said i needed
a doctor's referral to buy weed.Copy !req
87. - Mr. Marsh, you don't qualify
for medicinal marijuana.Copy !req
88. - But you said
i'm totally healthy!Copy !req
89. - Medicinal marijuana is
for people who aren't healthy...Copy !req
90. aids patients,
cancer patients,Copy !req
91. you know,
people going through chemo.Copy !req
92. The thc helps them eat
and take the pain.Copy !req
93. You are in fine shape.Copy !req
94. - Well, that sucks.Copy !req
95. Well, so, doctor,
how do most people get cancer?Copy !req
96. - Well, there's a lot of ways
you can get cancer.Copy !req
97. - Yeah, but
what's the quickest way?Copy !req
98. - The what?Copy !req
99. - Well, like, what forms
of cancer induceCopy !req
100. in time for the ziggy marley
concert next saturday in denver?Copy !req
101. - Mom, drive faster.Copy !req
102. - The kfc in salida
is a long way away, sweetie.Copy !req
103. Be patient.Copy !req
104. - Shut up and drive faster!Copy !req
105. I've been waiting
for chicken for too long!Copy !req
106. - Eric, we're almost
to frisco.Copy !req
107. Why don't we go to the church's
fried chicken there?Copy !req
108. - What?Copy !req
109. Church's fried chicken
tastes like cat shit!Copy !req
110. - All right, honey,
let's take it easy.Copy !req
111. - Fuck you!Copy !req
112. No! No!
What's going on?Copy !req
113. Move aside!Copy !req
114. - It's closed, kid.
There's nothing in there.Copy !req
115. - No, you...
you can't do this.Copy !req
116. The kfc in my town
is closed too!Copy !req
117. - Yeah, well, that's because
of the vote last novemberCopy !req
118. to ban fast food
in low-income areas.Copy !req
119. - You mean i have to driveCopy !req
120. all the way to denver
to get chicken?Copy !req
121. - No, you don't get it, kid.Copy !req
122. Kfcs were only
in low-income areas.Copy !req
123. In the entire state
of colorado,Copy !req
124. kentucky fried chicken
is illegal.Copy !req
125. - Noooo!Copy !req
126. - Dad, mom says to stop trying
to give yourself cancer.Copy !req
127. - Just gonna get
a little bit of cancer, stan.Copy !req
128. Tell mom it's okay.Copy !req
129. - Can i help you?Copy !req
130. - I need... somebody said
you could help me.Copy !req
131. I have to... i haven't had kfc
in almost a week.Copy !req
132. - All right, sign your name
on the release form.Copy !req
133. Put down the time...
- really?Copy !req
134. - Your birth year, and we'll get
you through the next 24 hours.Copy !req
135. - What, are you serious?Copy !req
136. Oh, my god!
That's kfc gravy!Copy !req
137. You have kfc!
Yes!Copy !req
138. This is it?Copy !req
139. One lousy
little cup of gravy?Copy !req
140. - This is a clinic to help you
get over your addiction.Copy !req
141. - Who wants just gravy?Copy !req
142. It goes on mashed potatoes,Copy !req
143. on extra-crispy chicken skin!Copy !req
144. - If you don't want it,
that's fine.Copy !req
145. - No!Copy !req
146. Oh, god.
Oh, god, it's so good.Copy !req
147. - "Frozen
and processed foodsCopy !req
148. "appear to have a direct linkCopy !req
149. to many forms
of stomach and colon cancers."Copy !req
150. All right.Copy !req
151. "Tests show that preservatives
found in these foodsCopy !req
152. "are the leading cause.Copy !req
153. "However, luckily, most
of these cancers are...Copy !req
154. slow-growing
and can take years to develop."Copy !req
155. Damn it.Copy !req
156. "Testicular cancer.Copy !req
157. "Most common in older menCopy !req
158. and can be
extremely aggressive."Copy !req
159. Oh, this is good.Copy !req
160. "There's no data on what causes
testicular cancerCopy !req
161. "to grow so rapidly.Copy !req
162. "However, the primary causes
of testicular cancerCopy !req
163. are linked to exposure
to high doses of radiation."Copy !req
164. Hmm.Copy !req
165. Oh, hey, stan.
Could you grab me a beer?Copy !req
166. Stan?Copy !req
167. Ohh. Ahh.Copy !req
168. Ohh!Copy !req
169. Sharon!
Hey, hey, sharon!Copy !req
170. - What?Copy !req
171. Aah!Copy !req
172. - Mr. Marsh, i'm afraid that
the test came back positive.Copy !req
173. You do have
testicular cancer.Copy !req
174. - Score!Copy !req
175. - Now, the good news is
it hasn't spread anywhere.Copy !req
176. We should probably schedule
to have them re...Copy !req
177. - yeah, yeah, but for now,Copy !req
178. can i finally get
my prescription, please?Copy !req
179. - Your prescription for what?Copy !req
180. - Buffalo soldierCopy !req
181. in the heart of americaCopy !req
182. stolen from africaCopy !req
183. brought to americaCopy !req
184. she was fightin'
on arrivalCopy !req
185. - One ounce of purple lurple,Copy !req
186. two ounces
of fishermen's friend,Copy !req
187. and a half ounce
of alabama kush!Copy !req
188. Oh, that is nice.Copy !req
189. That is nice.Copy !req
190. - Randy!Copy !req
191. Jesus, randy!
Your balls!Copy !req
192. - I know!Copy !req
193. Smoking pot
right in front of a cop!Copy !req
194. Pretty sweet, huh?Copy !req
195. - No, i mean
your actual balls!Copy !req
196. - Oh, yeah,
testicular cancer.Copy !req
197. Here, here, you want some?Copy !req
198. Oh, wait!
You're healthy!Copy !req
199. Hey, bust his ass, officer!Copy !req
200. - Hey, kid.Copy !req
201. They say you're looking
for some kfc.Copy !req
202. - Yeah, who isn't?Copy !req
203. - Yeah, well, uh,
we got some...Copy !req
204. over at billy miller's house.Copy !req
205. - Billy miller?
Seriously?Copy !req
206. - Ah, eric cartman, right?Copy !req
207. - Tommy said
you have some kfc.Copy !req
208. - Sure.Copy !req
209. Jessie.Copy !req
210. - Oh, my god!Copy !req
211. Colonel's popcorn chicken
and honey mustard sauce!Copy !req
212. Oh, god, yes!Copy !req
213. Where did you get that?
- I have my sources.Copy !req
214. That'll be $85.Copy !req
215. - 85 bucks?
I don't have that!Copy !req
216. - Hold on, hold on.Copy !req
217. You're a big boy, eric.Copy !req
218. Maybe you can pay me back
another way,Copy !req
219. do a little job for me.Copy !req
220. I've got some serious kfc
coming in from a dealer.Copy !req
221. I need somebody
willing to get a little riskyCopy !req
222. and pick it up.Copy !req
223. - How much kfc are we talking?Copy !req
224. - Two buckets
plus a three-piece mealCopy !req
225. and four sides.Copy !req
226. - Holy fuck, dude.Copy !req
227. - I've got the money
to pay for it,Copy !req
228. but it's become
a risky business out there.Copy !req
229. You get the chicken for me,Copy !req
230. and i'll make sure
you are hooked up for life.Copy !req
231. Do you want to do it?Copy !req
232. - Do i want to do it?Copy !req
233. Does the pope help pedophiles
get away with their crimes?Copy !req
234. - Excellent.Copy !req
235. All right,
see you tomorrow.Copy !req
236. Oh, god, i got to hurry!Copy !req
237. Caprica starts
in five minutes!Copy !req
238. Oh!Copy !req
239. Oh, Jesus!Copy !req
240. Oh, oh.Copy !req
241. Oh, hey, could somebody?Copy !req
242. Ugh, i got to get home.Copy !req
243. Hey. Hey.Copy !req
244. Hey, this can work.Copy !req
245. This can...Copy !req
246. hey, it's like
a hoppity hop!Copy !req
247. - Are you t-bag?Copy !req
248. - Maybe i am.
Who's asking?Copy !req
249. - Cut the crap.
You got the stuff?Copy !req
250. - Oh, i got the hookup.Copy !req
251. Question is,
you got the money?Copy !req
252. All right.
We in biz.Copy !req
253. It's all there, man.
- Extra-crispy, right?Copy !req
254. - Of course, man.
I ain't no fool.Copy !req
255. - You trying
to fuck me, dude?Copy !req
256. This is cut
with boston market gravy!Copy !req
257. - Aw, it's all
the same shit, man.Copy !req
258. - It is not
the same shit!Copy !req
259. - Okay, okay!
I'm sorry, yo!Copy !req
260. - You're cutting colonel's gravy
with boston marketCopy !req
261. to try and save yourself
some fucking money!Copy !req
262. - I'll take back the gravy.Copy !req
263. - Like anybody wants kfc
without gravy!Copy !req
264. - Aah! Please!
Please, i'm sorry!Copy !req
265. Take your money back!
Take the kfc too!Copy !req
266. - What's going on back there?Copy !req
267. - Nothing.
It's cool.Copy !req
268. - All right, i'll call.Copy !req
269. 45 to you, ned.Copy !req
270. Oh, man!Copy !req
271. This rainy day woman
is the bomb.Copy !req
272. You guys don't know
what you're missing.Copy !req
273. - Well, you know,
you could shareCopy !req
274. some of that with us, randy.Copy !req
275. - No, nelson,
that's illegal.Copy !req
276. I can smoke this
because i have cancer.Copy !req
277. - Aw, come on, just give us
a little bit!Copy !req
278. - Yeah.Copy !req
279. - Get your own
medicinal marijuana cards!Copy !req
280. You've all got perfectly good
microwaves at home.Copy !req
281. Look, i'm telling you guys,
it's awesome.Copy !req
282. I can have all the pot i want.Copy !req
283. I get around
faster than walking,Copy !req
284. and wherever i need a seat,
i can just sit on my balls.Copy !req
285. Let me tell you
something else.Copy !req
286. Chicks love them.Copy !req
287. - Women love huge balls?Copy !req
288. - Love them.Copy !req
289. Everywhere i go,
when i walk by,Copy !req
290. chicks are, like,
turning their headsCopy !req
291. and going, "whaaa?"Copy !req
292. I never knew how much women
loved guys' ballsCopy !req
293. until i got these puppies.Copy !req
294. - Travis, did you take out
the garba... whaaa?Copy !req
295. - See?Copy !req
296. - Cartman, my boy!
You got the stuff!Copy !req
297. - Yeah, i got the stuff.Copy !req
298. And i got the money.Copy !req
299. - Hey, you're good, eric.
I need people like you.Copy !req
300. - Good, 'cause i ate
a bunch of chickenCopy !req
301. on the way over here.Copy !req
302. - That's all right, eric.Copy !req
303. I've got something big
in the works.Copy !req
304. What if i told you
that i now have a direct lineCopy !req
305. to get all the kfc
we want here?Copy !req
306. I'm sending tommy to kentuckyCopy !req
307. to try and set up
a little arrangementCopy !req
308. with the colonel himself.Copy !req
309. - Wait a minute.
You mean the colonel?Copy !req
310. - That's right.Copy !req
311. And i'd like you
to go as wellCopy !req
312. and watch tommy's back
for me.Copy !req
313. Is that something
you'd want to do?Copy !req
314. - Is that something
i'd want to do?Copy !req
315. Is the pope catholic...Copy !req
316. and making the world safe
for pedophiles?Copy !req
317. - Excellent.Copy !req
318. - Doctor, mr. Kline's
test results came in.Copy !req
319. - What the hell
is going on?Copy !req
320. - Doctor?Copy !req
321. - This is the tenth case
i've seen this week.Copy !req
322. It can't be a coincidence.Copy !req
323. Something in this townCopy !req
324. is giving men
testicular cancer.Copy !req
325. - Heh! Man, i am
stoned off my ass!Copy !req
326. - I'm stoned off my balls!Copy !req
327. - Anybody got more
of that loompa loompa weed?Copy !req
328. - Wow. Those guys
have nice balls.Copy !req
329. - Wish my man had balls
like those.Copy !req
330. - Mmm!Copy !req
331. - Our entire production
is headquartered here, boys.Copy !req
332. We move over 16 tons
of chicken every month.Copy !req
333. Of course, with the new laws
in colorado,Copy !req
334. my business
has taken quite a hit.Copy !req
335. I'm worried other states
might follow suit.Copy !req
336. - We know, colonel.Copy !req
337. But we can get your chicken
into the state.Copy !req
338. We just need a bulk deal...
say, $4.95 a key?Copy !req
339. - I've got to hand it
to you, colonel.Copy !req
340. You have everything
a man could want.Copy !req
341. - I like you, eric.Copy !req
342. There's no lying in you.Copy !req
343. Unfortunately, i don't feel
the same way about your friend.Copy !req
344. - Who?
You mean tommy?Copy !req
345. Wait.
Where'd he go?Copy !req
346. - Your partner is an informant
for jamie oliver.Copy !req
347. Dude, that was sweet!Copy !req
348. He's all choked!Copy !req
349. - So how do i know
you're not a liar too?Copy !req
350. - Hey, colonel,Copy !req
351. i've been your biggest supporter
since i was two years old.Copy !req
352. I love your chicken.
I love you.Copy !req
353. - I think you and me
can work this thing out, eric,Copy !req
354. do business together
a long time.Copy !req
355. - Good.Copy !req
356. - Just remember,
i only tell you one time.Copy !req
357. Don't fuck me, eric.Copy !req
358. Don't you ever try
to fuck me.Copy !req
359. - Randy!Copy !req
360. Randy, will you look
at yourself?Copy !req
361. Your balls
are getting bigger!Copy !req
362. - I know.
They're pretty swollen.Copy !req
363. Kind of hurts.
I'm gonna go buy some more weed.Copy !req
364. - Randy, please!Copy !req
365. When you get back...Copy !req
366. do you think maybe
we could make love again?Copy !req
367. - Oh, someone's
feeling frisky again, huh?Copy !req
368. - Oh, it's just that i thought
some more alone timeCopy !req
369. could maybe be really...
- hey, my eyes are up here.Copy !req
370. - I'm sorry. I just...
- it's all right.Copy !req
371. I just want you to look at me
when we make loveCopy !req
372. and not just at my balls.Copy !req
373. I'll be home soon, babe.Copy !req
374. Hey, uh, could you, uh,
get me half a poundCopy !req
375. of that
suburban sunrise, please?Copy !req
376. - I'm sorry, sir, but you have
to be inside the store.Copy !req
377. - Well, uh, i'm right here.Copy !req
378. Can you just bring it over?Copy !req
379. - Selling medicinal marijuanaCopy !req
380. outside the confines
of an approved shopCopy !req
381. is still illegal.Copy !req
382. - Ugh.Copy !req
383. Get this...
get this ball here.Copy !req
384. Look, i'm starting to feel
kind of stupid.Copy !req
385. Can i please get high?Copy !req
386. - What, are you crazy, eric?Copy !req
387. Making a deal with the colonel
for 10,000 more boxes?Copy !req
388. I can't move
that much chicken!Copy !req
389. - Will you relax, billy?
It's fine.Copy !req
390. - Fine? I'm not making
any money here.Copy !req
391. I'm losing it!Copy !req
392. I have to pay
for more security.Copy !req
393. I got the cops up my ass!Copy !req
394. And i have to pay
for all these sortersCopy !req
395. to cut the chicken
for distribution!Copy !req
396. - Billy, billy, we've got
to be thinking bigger here.Copy !req
397. It's time to expand.Copy !req
398. - How can i expand
when 36% of our productCopy !req
399. is going to you?Copy !req
400. - Get out there and sell
the chicken or get lost!Copy !req
401. You've forgotten who the boss
of this operation is, eric!Copy !req
402. - Yeah, well, you're not going
to be around a lot longer.Copy !req
403. - What is that
supposed to mean?Copy !req
404. - I told your momCopy !req
405. you got an "f"
on that social studies test.Copy !req
406. - You wouldn't do that.Copy !req
407. - Does a bear crap
in the woods?Copy !req
408. And does the pope crap
on the broken lives and dreamsCopy !req
409. of 200 deaf boys?Copy !req
410. - Billy!Copy !req
411. Your father and i
want to talk to you!Copy !req
412. - Bye-bye, billy.Copy !req
413. All right, everyone,
listen up.Copy !req
414. I'm in charge now.Copy !req
415. Anybody got
a problem with that?Copy !req
416. All right, good.Copy !req
417. - What do we want?
Bigger doors!Copy !req
418. - Where do we want them?
Weed stores!Copy !req
419. - What do we want?
Bigger doors!Copy !req
420. - Where do we want them?
Weed stores!Copy !req
421. - Look, i'm sorry,
but the bill saysCopy !req
422. i can't modify
any existing structure.Copy !req
423. - Well, i guess
we could change the lawCopy !req
424. to allow
for medicinal marijuanaCopy !req
425. to be sold just outside
the door of the shop.Copy !req
426. - I don't know.Copy !req
427. Maybe the rule
should be somebody can buyCopy !req
428. the medicinal weed
for others.Copy !req
429. - Look, can't we skip all this
and just make pot legal?Copy !req
430. Everyone is just abusing
this medicinal system anyway.Copy !req
431. It's ridiculous.Copy !req
432. - What's ridiculous about it?Copy !req
433. - Hold on, hold on,
people, please!Copy !req
434. We are all forgetting
what is really at issue here.Copy !req
435. Look around.
These men all have cancer.Copy !req
436. It's no coincidence that
when this building changed,Copy !req
437. the rise in cancer went up.Copy !req
438. Don't you see?Copy !req
439. The kfc
was keeping people healthy!Copy !req
440. - Mr. Cartman, come on.Copy !req
441. We're supposed to be
handling the business.Copy !req
442. You're eating too much
of the stuff.Copy !req
443. - Shut up, kevin.Copy !req
444. I'm the boss,
not you, butt-licker.Copy !req
445. - Eric, the colonel
is on the phone for you.Copy !req
446. He sounds pissed.Copy !req
447. - What?
Oh, that's right.Copy !req
448. I forgot the... damn it!
Okay.Copy !req
449. Put him on speaker.Copy !req
450. - Hello? Hello?Copy !req
451. - Colonel, how are you doing?Copy !req
452. - What happened?Copy !req
453. - Oh, we had some problems,
you know, colonel.Copy !req
454. - Eric, what happened?Copy !req
455. - We had a little problem.Copy !req
456. - I heard.Copy !req
457. - Yeah, how'd you hear that?Copy !req
458. - Because jamie oliver gave
his speech at the u.n. Today.Copy !req
459. He was not supposed to give
that speech, eric.Copy !req
460. - Yeah, it's okay.
We'll get him next time.Copy !req
461. - There's not going to be
a next time,Copy !req
462. you fucking
dumb cocksucker.Copy !req
463. - Hey, take it easy, colonel.Copy !req
464. - I told you a long time ago,
you fucking little monkey,Copy !req
465. not to fuck me.Copy !req
466. - Hey!
Hey, who the fuckCopy !req
467. do you think you're talking
to, huh? Huh?Copy !req
468. Oh, crap!Copy !req
469. - Freeze!
- It's the cops!Copy !req
470. - Run, billy, run!
Aah!Copy !req
471. - Mommy, no!Copy !req
472. - Last november,Copy !req
473. this town passed a bill
that seemed silly to some.Copy !req
474. Since then, we've had
underground black markets,Copy !req
475. crime, death,
and shootings.Copy !req
476. But now the bill
has been repealed,Copy !req
477. and i am relieved to announceCopy !req
478. that once again
marijuana is illegal!Copy !req
479. - And another bill
has been repealed as well,Copy !req
480. 'cause ever since
we got rid of kfc,Copy !req
481. we've seen
a great rise in cancer.Copy !req
482. But today
we welcome back kfcCopy !req
483. and all the medical benefits
it gives us.Copy !req
484. - Well, i got to admit.Copy !req
485. It's a lot easier
to get inside doorsCopy !req
486. with my little
prosthetic balls.Copy !req
487. - Yeah, great.Copy !req
488. - Oh, sharon,
don't be upset.Copy !req
489. The doctor
made you a souvenir.Copy !req
490. - Oh, randy, i love it!Copy !req
491. - And when it gets cold,
it shrinks.Copy !req
492. - Sharon, you got
a scrotum coat?Copy !req
493. - Yep.Copy !req
494. - Lucky!Copy !req