1. ? i'm goin'
down to south park?Copy !req
2. ? gonna have myself a time?Copy !req
3. ? friendly faces everywhere?Copy !req
4. ? humble folks
without temptation?Copy !req
5. ? i'm goin'
down to south park?Copy !req
6. ? gonna leave my woes behind?Copy !req
7. ? ample parking day or night,
people spouting howdy neighbor?Copy !req
8. ? headin' on up to south park,
gonna see if i can't unwind?Copy !req
9. ?Copy !req
10. ? come on down to south park
and meet some friends of mine?Copy !req
11. - I am mysterion.Copy !req
12. Though only nine years old,Copy !req
13. i dedicate my life
to helping people...Copy !req
14. when i am not in school.Copy !req
15. For months now, i have been
protecting my town from crime.Copy !req
16. But now,
something has happenedCopy !req
17. which even i
cannot fight alone.Copy !req
18. The bp oil company
has drilledCopy !req
19. and caused a spill
in the gulf like no other.Copy !req
20. The president of bp
apologized.Copy !req
21. - We're sorry.Copy !req
22. - But they drilled againCopy !req
23. and tore open a portal
into another dimension.Copy !req
24. - We're sorry.Copy !req
25. - Creatures from
that dimensionCopy !req
26. are now wreaking havoc
in the gulf.Copy !req
27. Bp tried to solve the problem
by drilling on the moon,Copy !req
28. but instead, they caused
the dark lord cthulhu to emerge.Copy !req
29. - Sorry.Copy !req
30. - I have joined forcesCopy !req
31. with other superheroes
in my neighborhoodCopy !req
32. to help save the gulf.Copy !req
33. But even the other heroes
do not know,Copy !req
34. that unlike them,
i do have a power.Copy !req
35. A power they will now
begin to understand.Copy !req
36. And all will know
who and what i truly am.Copy !req
37. - Just terrific
what you boys are doing.Copy !req
38. - Thank you, ma'am.Copy !req
39. - I'll take 20 lemon bars,
you little rascals!Copy !req
40. - A terrific human interest
story here, tom.Copy !req
41. As america wondersCopy !req
42. what happened to
captain hindsight,Copy !req
43. some colorado kids are beingCopy !req
44. a little "super human"
themselves.Copy !req
45. They call themselves
coon and friends,Copy !req
46. and they've been baking
and selling lemon barsCopy !req
47. to help aid those affected
in the gulf crisis.Copy !req
48. - We believe that
every little bit helps.Copy !req
49. - Their little super clubCopy !req
50. consists of seven
young heroes.Copy !req
51. - Toolshed!Copy !req
52. - The human kite!Copy !req
53. - Mysterion!Copy !req
54. - Tupperware!Copy !req
55. - Mosquito!Copy !req
56. - Timmy!Copy !req
57. - Mintberry crrrunch!Copy !req
58. - The boys stated
that there used to also beCopy !req
59. a hero named the coon
actually in the group,Copy !req
60. but they let him go because
he was being, quote,Copy !req
61. "a dick."Copy !req
62. - Mysterion,
if cartman's gone,Copy !req
63. why are we still calling
ourselves coon and friends?Copy !req
64. - Because it pisses
cartman off beyond belief...Copy !req
65. and i find that
extremely funny.Copy !req
66. - Passengers waiting for
flight 73 to new orleans,Copy !req
67. we thank you
for your patience,Copy !req
68. but the conditions in the gulfCopy !req
69. are still delaying
our departure.Copy !req
70. Unfortunately,
we've just been informedCopy !req
71. that the dark lord cthulhu
has shat on the runwayCopy !req
72. at the new orleans airport,Copy !req
73. and we'll be delayed
at least another hour.Copy !req
74. Awww!Copy !req
75. - Come on, people!Copy !req
76. Some of us need to
get to new orleans now!Copy !req
77. Yes, yes, i am the coon.Copy !req
78. - The coon?
I've heard of that!Copy !req
79. - You have?
- I saw on tv!Copy !req
80. That superhero group that's
helping with the gulf spill!Copy !req
81. Coon and friends!Copy !req
82. - Actually, i'm no longer
with coon and friends.Copy !req
83. I work on my own now.Copy !req
84. - Can i ask you a question?
- Yes, of course.Copy !req
85. - Do you know
mintberry crunch?Copy !req
86. What's he like?Copy !req
87. Unh! Aaaaah!Copy !req
88. - The evil girl villain
fought with all her might,Copy !req
89. but the coon was
too much for her.Copy !req
90. As people looked on
and cheered for the coon,Copy !req
91. he clawed and punched
the villain's stupid, fat face.Copy !req
92. This fight would not be
the last, the coon thought.Copy !req
93. Next stop, new orleans.Copy !req
94. - That's almost it,
superheroes!Copy !req
95. We're about
out of lemon bars!Copy !req
96. - Well then,
perhaps we should returnCopy !req
97. to our secret base
and bake some more!Copy !req
98. - Timmy!Copy !req
99. - I'll take 10 lemon bars!
- Ten. Yes, sir!Copy !req
100. - That's definitely
the last of 'em!Copy !req
101. - You'll never stop him,
you know.Copy !req
102. - Stop who?Copy !req
103. - The great one.
Cthulhu.Copy !req
104. He has risen, and soon all
will be under his rule.Copy !req
105. It has all been foretold
in the necronomicon.Copy !req
106. Hail cthulhu!Copy !req
107. The darkness of the mythos
is finally here!Copy !req
108. Oh, man, these are
really good lemon bars.Copy !req
109. - The necronomicon?Copy !req
110. - What's the mythos?Copy !req
111. - I don't know, but i think
we better find out.Copy !req
112. - Alright, superheroes,
back to our secret base!Copy !req
113. - Mintberry crunch!Copy !req
114. - What the hell?Copy !req
115. - I knew it!Copy !req
116. Cartman tore our base up.
Zzzt!Copy !req
117. - Not cartman.Copy !req
118. - What do you mean
"not cartman," dude?Copy !req
119. - Whoever did this to our base
was looking for something.Copy !req
120. - Don't anybody move!Copy !req
121. So you're the superheroes
trying to blackmail me!Copy !req
122. - Oh, dude,
it's captain hindsight.Copy !req
123. - Captain hindsight!
The hero of the modern age!Copy !req
124. Once a reporter
for the national news,Copy !req
125. jack brolin always had
a knack for hindsight.Copy !req
126. Wanting to becomeCopy !req
127. the best known reporter
in the country,Copy !req
128. jack tried an experiment
to boost his hindsight levels.Copy !req
129. But then a freakish accident
occurredCopy !req
130. when a retroactive spider
got into the equipment.Copy !req
131. The reporter's hindsight was
blasted to superhuman levels.Copy !req
132. For months he was able to use
his new powers for good,Copy !req
133. fighting for peace
and the american way,Copy !req
134. with his three
trusty companions,Copy !req
135. shoulda, coulda, and woulda.Copy !req
136. But now the hindsight
that has saved so manyCopy !req
137. threatens to consume
jack's very soul.Copy !req
138. It's captain hindsight!Copy !req
139. I should've never mixedCopy !req
140. vodka and jack daniels.Copy !req
141. I should've just gone to bed
last night.Copy !req
142. - Um, dude, are you okay?Copy !req
143. - Where are the pictures?Copy !req
144. Give every copy
of the pictures to me now!Copy !req
145. - P-please, sir,
we don't know what you mean!Copy !req
146. - You got pictures of me having
sex with courtney love!Copy !req
147. - Uhhh-ohhh.Copy !req
148. - Chaos, why did you take
those pictures?Copy !req
149. - But I... but the coon said
if i took the pictures,Copy !req
150. he'd let me go home.Copy !req
151. And i've missed like four days
of school now 'cause...Copy !req
152. - all right, enough!
What's going on?Copy !req
153. - Hindsight,
that isn't courtney love.Copy !req
154. Our former member,
the coon, tricked you.Copy !req
155. - It's not courtney love?Copy !req
156. - Please, sir.
Put down the gun.Copy !req
157. - No! What if i
put down the gunCopy !req
158. and then realize
i shouldn't have?Copy !req
159. - Look dude, we don't need to
play superhero anymore.Copy !req
160. We can just go home.
- No!Copy !req
161. Because i could realize
i should have killed you all!Copy !req
162. - Then do it!Copy !req
163. Pull the trigger, hindsight!Copy !req
164. If you don't believe us,
then you don't have a choice!Copy !req
165. Pull the trigger, you pussy!Copy !req
166. - Dude, kenny, chill out.Copy !req
167. - You guys go!
I'll deal with this prick.Copy !req
168. - Uh, okay, if you insist.
See ya, kenny.Copy !req
169. - My mom did tell me
i have to be home by 5:00.Copy !req
170. - I said it's fine.
Just go!Copy !req
171. - Uh, text me later, kenny,Copy !req
172. if you wanna, like,
play basketball or something.Copy !req
173. - Cthulhu!Copy !req
174. Cthulhu!
Dude, over here!Copy !req
175. Hey, cthulhu.
What's up?Copy !req
176. Yes, it is me, the coon!Copy !req
177. But don't worry.Copy !req
178. I'm actually not here
to fight you!Copy !req
179. We are not so different,
cthulhu.Copy !req
180. Though i am a superheroCopy !req
181. and you are a dark god
from another dimension,Copy !req
182. perhaps we can work together.Copy !req
183. I know how it feelsCopy !req
184. to want to take over
and rule the earthCopy !req
185. and have everyone else
be your slaves.Copy !req
186. I do, bro.Copy !req
187. But there's a group
of superhumansCopy !req
188. who are going to
stop at nothing to stop you!Copy !req
189. Good, i have your attention.Copy !req
190. The superhumans i speak ofCopy !req
191. are right now working on plans
to destroy you.Copy !req
192. They reside in colorado,
and they are fucking assholesCopy !req
193. and they all deserve to be
sent into a dark oblivion!Copy !req
194. You can do that, right?Copy !req
195. Send people
into a dark oblivion?Copy !req
196. 'Cause that's what
those buttholes deserve!Copy !req
197. No, dude!
Dude, colorado is that way!Copy !req
198. Where are you going?Copy !req
199. God damn it, why don't
dark lords fuckin' listen?Copy !req
200. - It doesn't matter.Copy !req
201. Even if the pictures
are fake,Copy !req
202. i can't take it anymore!Copy !req
203. Do you have any idea
what a curse it isCopy !req
204. to have perfect
20/20 hindsight?Copy !req
205. As soon
as something bad happens,Copy !req
206. i immediately know how
it could have been avoided.Copy !req
207. I can't take it anymore.Copy !req
208. - People need you, hindsight.Copy !req
209. Without you, they feel
helpless and stupid.Copy !req
210. - Well, i don't want the power
anymore, all right?Copy !req
211. - You think your power
is a curse?Copy !req
212. Let me tell you something
about curses, buttlicker.Copy !req
213. Because there are
some superpowersCopy !req
214. that make yours
look like nothing.Copy !req
215. Trust me, i know.Copy !req
216. - What... what is your power?Copy !req
217. - I can't die.Copy !req
218. I've experienced death.
Countless times.Copy !req
219. Sometimes i see
a bright light.Copy !req
220. Sometimes i see heaven
or hell,Copy !req
221. but eventually,
no matter what,Copy !req
222. i wake up in my bed,
wearing my same old clothes.Copy !req
223. And the worst part...Copy !req
224. nobody even
remembers me dying.Copy !req
225. I go to school the next day,Copy !req
226. and everyone is just like,
"oh, hey, kenny."Copy !req
227. Even if they had seen me
get decapitatedCopy !req
228. with their own eyes.Copy !req
229. You wanna whine
about curses, hindsight?Copy !req
230. You're talking to
the wrong fuckin' cowboy.Copy !req
231. - And now,
a special announcementCopy !req
232. from the president
of bp and dp.Copy !req
233. - Hello.
I'm tony hayward.Copy !req
234. The tragic spill in the gulfCopy !req
235. is a disaster that should've
never happened.Copy !req
236. And as head of the oil company
responsible,Copy !req
237. i would like to say...
what should i do?Copy !req
238. Should i admit
we've made mistakes?Copy !req
239. Should i remind you
we've done this before?Copy !req
240. What should i do?Copy !req
241. Should i find newer and better
ways to say i'm sorry?Copy !req
242. We're sorry.Copy !req
243. - Should i really believe
i've ruined my legacy?Copy !req
244. What should i do?
- What should i do?Copy !req
245. - What should i do?Copy !req
246. Should i forget
about the pastCopy !req
247. and not care
about my powers?Copy !req
248. - Or should i tell you,
i am not a role model?Copy !req
249. - Seriously,
what should i do?Copy !req
250. - Should i accept my role
as the villain?Copy !req
251. - Maybe i should just
disappear.Copy !req
252. - Should i not have listened
to my techniciansCopy !req
253. who said a spill
wouldn't happen?Copy !req
254. They're my technicians!Copy !req
255. - Hindsight's a bitch,
isn't it?Copy !req
256. - Should i just apologize
to my friendsCopy !req
257. and ask them to take me back?Copy !req
258. Tell them that i was being
a selfish jerk?Copy !req
259. What should i do?Copy !req
260. - Should i get back
in the chair,Copy !req
261. remove my powers
and just go back toCopy !req
262. being a simple reporter?Copy !req
263. - Should i admit i was wrong,Copy !req
264. ask for everyone's
forgiveness,Copy !req
265. and go back to
my original team?Copy !req
266. Nah, screw that.Copy !req
267. I'm just gonna keep being
a fucking dick.Copy !req
268. - All right, superheroes!Copy !req
269. We've got to find out moreCopy !req
270. about this
necronomicon thing!Copy !req
271. - Right, toolshed!
Zzzt!Copy !req
272. - Here we go!Copy !req
273. The necronomicon contains
an account of the old ones,Copy !req
274. their history, and the means
for summoning them.Copy !req
275. - It is used by cults
around the world,Copy !req
276. most notably,
the cult of cthulhu.Copy !req
277. - Ah-ha!Copy !req
278. That's the cult the creepy man
talked about, heroes!Copy !req
279. Uh, you okay, mysterion?Copy !req
280. - I'm fine.Copy !req
281. - Ten arrested in south park
for cultist activity.Copy !req
282. This is from, like,
ten years ago.Copy !req
283. - So these people
have been waitingCopy !req
284. for cthulhu a long time.Copy !req
285. - Hey, wait a minute.Copy !req
286. Dude! Mysterion,
it's your parents!Copy !req
287. - Uh, what?Copy !req
288. What the fuck?Copy !req
289. I mean, what the fuck?Copy !req
290. - Clyde!Copy !req
291. Clyde, i told you this morning
to take the garbage out.Copy !req
292. Clyde, do you hear me?Copy !req
293. - Okay, mom.
Just gimme two minutes.Copy !req
294. Nag, nag, nag. Zzzt!Copy !req
295. - Convincing a giant creature
from another dimensionCopy !req
296. to do what you want
is no easy task.Copy !req
297. After days of killing
and conquering,Copy !req
298. cthulhu is at rest.Copy !req
299. Now is my chance to
make a move.Copy !req
300. Perhaps last timeCopy !req
301. i was too forceful
with the dark god,Copy !req
302. too demanding.Copy !req
303. To get what it wants,Copy !req
304. sometimes a coon must be
on the attack and vicious!Copy !req
305. But sometimes, a coon must be
cuddly and cute.Copy !req
306. Time for me to try
and manipulateCopy !req
307. the most evil thing
in all the universe.Copy !req
308. - Heh! Who's
a sleepy little man?Copy !req
309. My name is the little coon!Copy !req
310. What is your name?Copy !req
311. - Kraaaaaa!Copy !req
312. - You're a sleepy man, eh?Copy !req
313. Cthulhu.Copy !req
314. Who's a needs a tummy rub?Copy !req
315. - You're hogging it all,
asshole.Copy !req
316. - 'Cause i paid for it,
you stupid bitch.Copy !req
317. - You paid for it
with the money i madeCopy !req
318. washin' dishes
at the olive garden!Copy !req
319. - I told you to shut up!Copy !req
320. - Give it to me, you prick!Copy !req
321. - Aah!Copy !req
322. Oh god, he's back!Copy !req
323. It's that mystery kid again!Copy !req
324. - What the hell
do you want this time?Copy !req
325. Hey, look, we did
what you told us.Copy !req
326. We treat our kids betterCopy !req
327. and we don't beat each
other up as much!Copy !req
328. - And we gave our sons
allowancesCopy !req
329. and stopped getting high
every night.Copy !req
330. - I'm not here about that.Copy !req
331. - Oh? So, now what?Copy !req
332. - Ten years ago,
you were arrestedCopy !req
333. for being in
some kind of cult.Copy !req
334. - We were?Copy !req
335. - We've been arrested
lots of times, mysterio.Copy !req
336. - Mysterion.Copy !req
337. What is the cult of cthulhu?Copy !req
338. - Oh, that thing.Copy !req
339. No, we weren't
in that stupid group.Copy !req
340. They just used to offer
free beer at their meetings,Copy !req
341. so we would go.Copy !req
342. - What happened
at those meetings?Copy !req
343. - Trust us, we don't remember.Copy !req
344. I know it sounds
hard to believe,Copy !req
345. but we were actually
really drunk the entire time.Copy !req
346. - I don't find that
hard to believe at all.Copy !req
347. - I swear
we haven't been backCopy !req
348. to their meetings
ever since.Copy !req
349. Even though we always
still get invited.Copy !req
350. - These people still meet?
Where?Copy !req
351. - Where they always did.Copy !req
352. Jim mcelroy's house.Copy !req
353. - They used to meet
every friday night.Copy !req
354. I think they still do.Copy !req
355. Did that really
just happen?Copy !req
356. - I don't think so.Copy !req
357. - Breaking news
here in the gulf, tom.Copy !req
358. The dark ancient god cthulhuCopy !req
359. has called for
a press conference.Copy !req
360. The old one told reportersCopy !req
361. in a statement
released this morningCopy !req
362. that it has
extremely exciting news.Copy !req
363. - Ladies and gentlemen,Copy !req
364. today we are
pleased to announceCopy !req
365. the successful merger
of cthulhu and the coon.Copy !req
366. Cthulhu's track record
for complete dominanceCopy !req
367. and interdimensionary rule
is without question,Copy !req
368. and now,
coupled with the legitimacyCopy !req
369. and instantly recognizable
brand name of the coon,Copy !req
370. we intend to bring change
and fight injustice,Copy !req
371. as the all-new
coon and friends.Copy !req
372. And anybody else using
that name for their benefitCopy !req
373. is breaking the law.Copy !req
374. Oh, what's that?Copy !req
375. There is another group
using our trademarked name?Copy !req
376. Well, i guess
we have the rightCopy !req
377. to banish them to
a dark oblivion, don't we?Copy !req
378. Ph'nglui
mglw'nafh cthulhuCopy !req
379. r'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn.Copy !req
380. - The old one has awakened!Copy !req
381. A lot of us have waited
a long time for this day!Copy !req
382. Well, for all our south park
cthulhu cult members,Copy !req
383. old and new,
it is time to par-tay!Copy !req
384. - There must be clubs like this
all over the world.Copy !req
385. - We know
some of these people.Copy !req
386. There's mr. Adler
from shop class.Copy !req
387. And those two geeky
computer guys.Copy !req
388. - Oh, my god. Look.
Back row.Copy !req
389. Aren't those the goth kids?Copy !req
390. - I'm so freaking stoked
that cthulhu is gonna squashCopy !req
391. all the happy-go-lucky
conformists.Copy !req
392. - Yeah. I just hope
he puts an endCopy !req
393. to the fucking
disney channel.Copy !req
394. - Dude, why would the goth kids
worship cthulhu?Copy !req
395. - Makes sense.Copy !req
396. Unrelenting despair and
a thousand years of darknessCopy !req
397. sounds pretty goth.Copy !req
398. - Now let us read
from the necronomicon!Copy !req
399. "That is not dead
which can eternal lie."Copy !req
400. "And with strange aeons..."Copy !req
401. - even death may die!Copy !req
402. - In strange aeons
even death may die?Copy !req
403. What does that mean,
human kite?Copy !req
404. - I'm not sure, toolshed.Copy !req
405. Could it be a riddle,
mysterion?Copy !req
406. M-mysterion?Copy !req
407. - Mysterion is so...
mysterious.Copy !req
408. - A horrific scene
of destruction,Copy !req
409. despair, and terror
here in new orleans.Copy !req
410. And still, there is no sign
of captain hindsight.Copy !req
411. Rumor has it,
he got sick of it all,Copy !req
412. went back to his chair,
and removed all his powers.Copy !req
413. - Where are you,
captain hindsight?Copy !req
414. Aggh!Copy !req
415. - Perhaps he shouldn't have
gotten back in that chair.Copy !req
416. - Do you think
the dark lord cthulhuCopy !req
417. is gonna make us
go to school?Copy !req
418. - No, ass-munch.Copy !req
419. Cthulhu just wants chaos,
bedlam, and madness.Copy !req
420. - Good. 'cause if i had to go
to p.e. Class again,Copy !req
421. i was gonna kill myself.Copy !req
422. Who the effing "h" is that?Copy !req
423. - What does it mean?Copy !req
424. "That is not dead
which can eternal lie?"Copy !req
425. - "And with strange aeons
even death may die."Copy !req
426. - What does it mean?Copy !req
427. - It means cthulhu is gonna
get rid of all the posersCopy !req
428. and make everything cool
and black and stuff.Copy !req
429. It's gonna be like
a nine inch nails concertCopy !req
430. that goes on forever.Copy !req
431. - Yeah, so go home
and put your underwearCopy !req
432. back inside
your pants, poser.Copy !req
433. - You're going to tell me
everything you know.Copy !req
434. - Nobody is stopping
cthulhu now!Copy !req
435. All will be sadness!Copy !req
436. Life will become deathCopy !req
437. and i will watch the crimson
blood leak from your neck.Copy !req
438. - Dude, that little kid
is hardcore goth.Copy !req
439. - Hardcore goth.Copy !req
440. - The child is right,
you know.Copy !req
441. Cthulhu sees all.
Hears all.Copy !req
442. The dark lord wants us to
dispense of this one, kids.Copy !req
443. Give us a hand.
- What?Copy !req
444. Dude, i don't wanna
kill anybody.Copy !req
445. - We're dark lord minions
now, wuss.Copy !req
446. What did you think
we'd be doing?Copy !req
447. - Ugh. Whatevs.Copy !req
448. - Too-too-loo cthulhuCopy !req
449. cthulhu cthulhu
- yeah!Copy !req
450. - The evil
hate-filled cthulhuCopy !req
451. from a dimension far awayCopy !req
452. flying through
gates of madnessCopy !req
453. and into your heart
- yeah! Fuck all you!Copy !req
454. - Turning dreams
into nightmaresCopy !req
455. - lick my balls!
- Destroying all he seesCopy !req
456. - now begins a new adventure
for meeeeeeCopy !req
457. - you and the dark one
cthulhuCopy !req
458. sharing adventures
and smilesCopy !req
459. it's a magical bond
two pals can shareCopy !req
460. soon the whole world
will be made awareCopy !req
461. of you
and the death lord cthulhuCopy !req
462. making the world
a better placeCopy !req
463. together you will have
so much funCopy !req
464. - sending all my stupid
friends to oblivionCopy !req
465. - you and the dark one
cthulhuCopy !req
466. - suck it, bitches!Copy !req
467. - Just hold still
and it will be over quickly!Copy !req
468. - Zzzzzzt!
Let him go!Copy !req
469. Coon and friends, ho!Copy !req
470. Mosquito!
- Toolshed!Copy !req
471. - Tupperware!
- Timmy!Copy !req
472. - Human kite!
- Mintberry crunch!Copy !req
473. - Let him go, dude,Copy !req
474. or else we'll totally tell
our parents on you.Copy !req
475. - Sorry, kids.
It's a little late for that.Copy !req
476. - Unh!Copy !req
477. - Oh, my god!Copy !req
478. Oh, my god!
They... they killed kenny!Copy !req
479. - You bastards!Copy !req
480. - Dude, kenny,
what'd you run away for?Copy !req
481. We gotta fight these guys!Copy !req
482. - Yeah come on!
Get your costume on, lazy ass!Copy !req
483. - Let's go!Copy !req
484. - Mintberry crunch!Copy !req